50 Best The Goonies Quotes

Mikey: [to One-Eyed Willie] Hi Willie. Oh, I'm Mike Walsh. You've been expecting me, haven't you? Well I made it. I beat you. I got here in one piece... so far.
[lifts up Willie's patch]
Mikey: So... that's why they call you One-Eyed Willie... One-Eyed Willie.
[takes a breath from his breathalizer]
Mikey: We have a lot in common, you and me. One-Eyed Willie. You're the first Goonie.
[the rest of the Goonies show up]
Mikey: Yo. Hi guys. How's it going? This is Willie... One-Eyed Willie. Say hi, Willie. Those are my friends... the Goonies.
[pauses]
Mikey: How long have you guys been standing there?
Brandon: Long enough, Mikey. Long enough.

Troy: Andy, you goonie!

Chunk: Mikey, Mikey, this ain't the kind of place you want to go to the bathroom in.
Mama: Why not?
Chunk: Because they might have daddy longlegs and um... dead things, Mikey. DEAD THINGS!

Irene: Brandon Walsh! If you don't bring those kids back I'm going to commit Harri Krishna!
Brandon: That's Hari Kari, Ma!

Mikey: [calls for a bathroom break] Okay, this is the little boys' room, and that cave over there is the little girls' room.
[Brandon heads to a different cave]
Mikey: Brand, where're you going?
Brandon: This is the *men's* room.

[Chunk looks at the map]
Chunk: Look! That says sixteen thirty-two. Is that a year or something?
Mouth: Who knows? It's your top score on Pole Position.

Mikey: [to Andy after she hits a wrong note on the piano] It's OK, you're a Goonie and Goonies always make mistakes... just don't make any more.

Chunk: Look at this. They've got Misissippi Mud and they've got Chocolate Eruption and they've got what?
[Everyone screams]
Chunk: It's a stiff.
[Everyone screams and drops the dead body]

Jake: [checks his wallet] Niente. Kids must've cleaned him out.
Mama: Sure, right before they ate him!
Francis: Stupid.

Francis: [grabs Chunk by the throat] Hey, kid. I want you to spill your guts, tell us everything.
Chunk: Everything?
Francis: Everything.
Chunk: [sobbing] Everything. OK, I'll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I play Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... and then, my mom sent me to the... to the summer camp for fat kids... and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out!
[much later]
Chunk: But, the worst thing I ever done: I mixed up all this fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this.
[imitating vomiting four times]
Chunk: And then, I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. And I never felt so bad in my entire life!
Jake: [amused] I'm beginning to like this kid, Ma!
Mama: [tired of Chunk's stalling] Hit puree!
[Francis turns on the puree blender]
Chunk: No! I'm too young!
[the Fratellis grabs his arms]
Chunk: No, I want to play the violin! No, not my hand! Please!
Mama: Now, do I get the truth? Do I get the truth, or do you get juiced?

Mouth: Is this supposed to be water?
Mama: It's wet, ain't it? Drink it!

Irene: Now, Rosalita, this is the attic. Mr. Walsh doesn't like anybody up here, ever. I guess that's why it's always open.
Mouth: [in Spanish] Translation - never go up there. It's filled with Mr. Walsh's *sexual torture devices*.

Andy: [Watching Brand] Brand is being so sweet to me.
Stef: Oh come on, come on! Where are you? You're in the clouds and we are in a basement!

Stef: Brand, God put that rock there for a purpose... and, um... I'm not so sure you should, um... move it...

Chunk: Look, how's that? How's that?
Mikey: Oh, you idiot! You glued it on upside down!
Brandon: You dork! If God made it like that, you'd all be pissing in your faces!
Chunk: Looks fine to me.

Stef: Data where are you going?
Data: I'm setting booty traps.
Stef: You mean booby traps?
Data: THATS WHAT I SAID! BOOBY TRAPS! Be quiet. SHHH! God. These Guys!

Data: Hey any of you guys ever hear of Detroit?
Mikey: No.
Mouth: Sointenly! Where Motown started. It's also got the highest murder rate in the country.
Data: Well, let me tell you what. That's where we're going when we lose the house tomorrow.
Mikey: You shut up about that stuff, it'll never happen. My dad will fix it.
Brandon: Yeah sure he will. If he gets his next 400 paychecks by tommorrow afternoon.
Mikey: That's wrong Brand! It won't happen.

Mikey: Goonies never say die!

Mama: You're so quiet all of a sudden you're the one they call "Mouth" aren't you?
Mouth: [nods no] Mmm mm!
Mama: [proceeds to pull a very long pearl necklace out of Mouth's mouth while Francis ties Andy's hands] Oh my god! OH MY GOD! Is that all?
Mouth: [mumbles] Mmm hmm.
[Mama Frateli smacks Mouth on the back of his head and he spits out the rest of his share of the jewels]

Stef: OK, you kissed. Now tell.
Andy: There's something weird.
Stef: What? What is it?
Andy: Does Brand wear braces?
[Stef bursts into laughter]
Andy: Why are you laughing? Stef, it was beautiful.
Stef: Next time you kiss him, do it with your eyes open. It's a whole different experience.

Andy: Watch this.
[Data's father takes a camera out of his jacket and proceeds to take a picture but the film falls out. Andy starts laughing]
Andy: He's just like his father.
Data: [in Chinese] That's okay daddy. You can't hug a photograph.
Mr. Wang: [in Chinese] You are my greatest invention.

Chunk: Listen, okay? You guys'll never believe me. There was two cop cars, okay? And they were chasing this four-wheel deal, this real neat ORV, and there were bullets flying all over the place. It was the most amazing thing I ever saw!
Mikey: More amazing than the time Michael Jackson come over to your house to use the bathroom.
Brandon: More amazing than the time you saved those old people from that nursing home fire, right?
Mouth: Yeah, and I bet it was even more amazing than the time you ate your weight in Godfather's pizza, right?
Chunk: Okay, Brand. Michael Jackson didn't come over to my house to use the bathroom. But his sister did.

Stef: You know your voice is kind of nice when your mouth isn't screwing it up.
Mouth: Yeah and you looks are kind of pretty. When your face isn't screwing it up.

[Chunk and Sloth are chained up together]
Chunk: Want a candy bar? Are you hungry? I got a Baby Ruth.
Sloth: Ruth! Ruth! Baby! Ruth!
Chunk: Here you go.
[Chunk tosses the candy bar to Sloth and it hits him in the head. Both scream]
Chunk: I'm sorry, mister! I'm sorry!
[Sloth rips his chains out of the wall and goes to pick up the candy bar. Then, he realizes he's free]
Chunk: Gee, mister. You're even hungrier than I am.

Brandon: [Rosalita screaming in spanish] What's she saying Mouth? Translate.
Mouth: No pen. No write. No sign!
Mikey: No, Dad. Don't sign it!
[Rosalita runs over to Mrs Walsh and pulls out her hand and empties Mikey's marble bag]
Mikey: Dad! Dad! It's my marble bag. The Fratelis forgot to check it. I emptied out all of my marbles and put the jewels in. We don't have to leave the boon docks!
Irving: [ripping up the foreclosure document] They'll be no more signing today or ever again.
[cheering]

Richard: Hey I've got a great idea you guys! Slick shoes!
Mikey,101711: [together] Slick shoes? ARE YOU CRAZY?
Andy: DATA!
Francis: [Jake tries to push Francis over the log] DON'T PUSH JAKE!
Jake: I'm not pushing Francis now hurry up!
[Francis slips and falls on his crotch]
Mama: Francis sweetheart are you okay?
Francis: [High pitched voice] NOOOOOOO!

Chunk: I just saw the most amazing thing in my entire life!
Mouth: First you gotta do the truffle shuffle.

Stef: [to her parents] I lost my glasses.
Andy: [to her parents] Can I take piano lessons?

Francis: Get the rope here. Slothy, Slothy, jumprope Slothy.
Jake: What do you mean jump rope?
Francis: Jumprope! Jumprope.
[Sloths laughs]
Francis: [singing] Ring around the rosie, pocket full of posies...
[Jake and Francis swing around Sloth to tie him up until Sloth tosses both of them]
Sloth: [rips off his shirt revealing a T-Shirt with the Superman 'S' on the front] Sloth!
Jake: We're in deep shit now, Francis.
Francis: Oh, shit!

Brandon: I'm gonna hit you so hard that when you wake up your clothes will be out of style!

[Data comes flying into the house knocking over everyone]
Chunk: [saves the statue of Michaelangelo's David] Hey! I bet you guys thought I was going to drop it huh? I know you would think that from good ol' Chunk.
[Chunk places the statue on the table, but it falls off]
Brandon: You idiot!
Mikey: Oh, my god!
[Mikey runs over to pick up the statue and hold the breathalizer in his mouth]
Chunk: [examines the statue] Look, look! It's not broken. It's perfect! Ha ha!
Mikey: [sees that the statue's penis has broken off] Oh, my GOD! That's my mom's most favorite piece!
[Mikey tries to put the penis back on]
Chunk: Oh, my god.
Mouth: You wouldn't be here if it wasn't.
Mikey: Shut up, Mouth!
Brandon: Shut up, Mouth.

[Mouth is "translating" Mrs. Walsh's instructions for Rosalita]
Irene: Pants and shirts go in the second. Just... just throw them all into cardboard boxes. Clark, can you translate all that?
Mouth: For sure, Mrs. Walsh.
Mouth: [in Spanish] The marijuana goes in the top drawer. The cocaine and speed go in the second drawer. And the heroin goes in the bottom drawer. Always separate the drugs.

Sloth: Mama!
Mama: Come to Mama baby, come on.
Sloth: Mama, you've been bad.
Mama: Awww. I may have been bad. I may have kept you chained up in that room but it was for your own good.
Sloth: Yeah!
Mama: Awww. You remember that song I used to sing to you?
Sloth: Yeah!
Mama: You were little back then?
[Mama Fratelli comforts Sloth]
Mama: [singing] Rock-a-bye baby on the tree top. When the wind blows the cradle will rock. When the bough breaks the cradle will fall...
Sloth: Break! Fall!
Mama: No! I only dropped once.
Sloth: Ahh!
[Sloth carries Mama Fratelli to the plank]
Mama: Well, maybe twice. No Sloth! Put me down!

Chunk: Hello, Sheriff's Office? I'd like to report a murder!
Sheriff: Hold on, hold on a minute. Is that you again, Lawrence?
Chunk: Listen, Sheriff, I know I've jerked you around before, but this is for real now. I'm in the Fratellis' basement, with this guy...
Sloth: Rocky Road? Heh Heh!
Sheriff: Yeah, like that time you told me about the fifty Iranian terrorists who took over all the Sizzler steakhouses in the city?
Chunk: Sloth, get back here! Sloth!
Sheriff: Just like that last prank about all those little creatures that multiply when you throw water on them?
[as Chunk follows Sloth, the phone cord rips out of the wall. The Sheriff hears a dial tone]
Sheriff: Lawrence?

Mikey: What are you doing? It took him 376 lawn jobs to get that bike! That's his most favorite thing in the world!
Mouth: Now it's his most flattest thing in the world. Let's go!

Irene: [to Rosalita] This is my supply closet. You'll find everything you need - brooms, dust pans, insect spray... I would really like the house clean when they tear it down. Clark, can you translate?
Mouth: ["translating" to Rosalita] If you do a bad job you'll be locked in here with the cockroaches for two weeks without food or water.
Irene: [to Rosalita] Okay Rosie? Okay? You're gonna be very happy here.
[to Mouth]
Irene: Come on Clark, we've got much more to do. You are so fluent in Spanish.

Sloth: Hey, you guys!

[the Goonies are collecting coins from a wishing well]
Stef: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, stop, stop! You can't do this.
Data: Why?
Mikey: Why?
Stef: Because these are somebody else's wishes. They're somebody else's dreams.
Mouth: Yeah, but you know what? This one, this one right here. This was my dream, my wish. And it didn't come true. So I'm taking it back. I'm taking them all back.

Mama: Four waters. Is that all?
[Mikey, Chunk, Data and Mouth nodded]
Mouth: No! I want the veal scalopini.
Mikey: [whispers] Shut up Mouth.
Mouth: I want a good fettucini alfredo. I want a bottle of fettucine, a 1981.
[Mouth makes a kissing sound with his fingers]
Mama: [grabs Mouth by the chin] The only thing we serve is tongue.
[Mouth enters his tongue, she uses the pocket knife, three boys shocked and covers their mouths]
Mama: Do you boys like tongue?
[Mikey, Data and Chunk shook their heads, she laughs and puts his pocket knife away]
Mama: That's all?
Mouth: Yeah, yeah.
Mama: Sit down!
[Four boys are trying to sit down. But, Chunk falls off the chair]
Mouth: Are you all right, Chunk?

Andy: [hysterically] I should've let him look at my body! Don't I have a beautiful body? Don't I have a beautiful body?
Brandon: You've got a great body.
Andy: How many more years do I have before I get all fat? Before my hair falls out? Before I look... like him?
[the Goonies stumble upon Chester Copperpot's skeleton]
Andy: [screams] AAAAAHHHH!

Chunk: [running toward the road in the dead of night to find help] I'm not all alone in the dark. I like the dark. I love the dark.
[Chunk ducks and crawls under a tree branch]
Chunk: But I hate nature! I HATE nature!

Brandon: My new tires! They popped my new tires those son of a... I'm going to kill...
[Brandon takes a little girl's bike]
Brandon: [to the girl] Thanks I owe you one.
Girl: My bike! I want my bike, I want my bike, I want my bike.

Stef: This is ridiculous. It's crazy. I feel like I'm babysitting, except I'm not getting paid.

Andy: I can't tell... if it's an "A sharp" or if it's a "B flat"!
Mikey: Heh, if you hit the wrong note, we'll all "B flat!"

Mouth: [examining coins in the well] President Lincoln... George Washington... Martin Sheen...
Stef: Martin Sheen? That's President Kennedy, you idiot!
Mouth: Well, same difference. I mean, he played Kennedy once.

[last lines]
Mikey: [gives a kiss] Bye, Willy. Thanks.

Mikey: Don't you realize? The next time you see sky, it'll be over another town. The next time you take a test, it'll be in some other school. Our parents, they want the best of stuff for us. But right now, they got to do what's right for them. Because it's their time. Their time! Up there! Down here, it's our time. It's our time down here. That's all over the second we ride up Troy's bucket.

Andy: Brand... What happened to your braces?
Brandon: Braces? I don't wear braces, Mikey wears bra... Mikey! That little...
Andy: Shhh!
[Andy kisses Brand again]

Mouth: You know, I just want to say thank you. For offering to save my life.
Stef: Wow! Thank you it's a real moment. You know your voice is kind of nice when your mouth isn't screwing it up.
Mouth: Yeah and your looks kind of pretty. When your face isn't screwing it up.

Irene: Boys, I am taking Rosalita to the supermarket. Now listen, I am going to be back in about an hour. Mikey, I want you kept inside. Brandon, if he's coming down with asthma, I don't want him out in the rain.
Brandon: He should be put in a plastic bubble.
Irene: I'm serious Brandon! That's not funny. He takes one step outside and you'll be in the deepest, absolutely the deepest, shi, shi, shi...
Brandon: Shit, Ma!
Irene: I don't like that language but that's exactly what you're going to be in. And you, Data.
Data: Data,
Irene: Data,use the back door from now on okay?