30 Best CSI Detective Tim 'Speed' Speedle Quotes

Alexx: Please don't tell me we sent a body away with a complete stranger.
Tim: Alexx, we sent a body awa...
Alexx: Timmy, I know.

Eric: Engines on that baby cost more than your car.
Tim: Maybe your car.

Tim: Did you press his face into the pillow, causing him to suffocate?
Alison: Yes and no.
Tim: Alison...
Alison: You're so sure I'm guilty. I could see it when you walked through the door.
Tim: You have an explanation?
Alison: Yes... I pressed his face into the pillow. No... I did not suffocate him. He did, however... orgasm.
Tim: Excuse me?
Alison: My marathon-running boyfriend was a pillow biter. Satisfied? He liked to give himself over to me. I, uh, could be more explicit, but...
Tim: I get it.

Tim: OK, so black boxes, I understand that they're really orange.

Eric: [about Megan] What does she think? She can just waltz in here after six months of being gone and just take over?
Tim: You know, you're an ass.
Eric: What did I say?
Tim: She lost her husband! What did they give her, two weeks off? She needed a little bit of time, big deal.
Eric: Man, I didn't know.
Tim: Yeah, well, there's a lot you don't know.

Megan: Nice thing about hair, it grows at an even rate, about a half an inch a month.
Tim: Gives us a nice time line.
Megan: Yeah, she'd been using antidepressants for the past year, Prozac and Zoloft, six months ago she smoked some pot.
Tim: And they say blondes have more fun.

Tim: Then why don't you go get them?
[the black boxes]
Eric: Why don't you?
Tim: [Looks in the tub and sees the alligators] ... They're just babies.
Eric: What are you waiting for? Let's go.
Tim: On three. One... Two... Three!
[Both reach in and grab a box with a yell. Burst out laughing]

Tim: [Having stepped out of the interigation room] I am sorry... I don't like her.
Calleigh: What does that have to do with anything?
Tim: [sighing] Nothing...

[reviewing a sex tape belonging to their victim's neighbors]
Tim: Now, that's different.
Calleigh: Someone's been doing yoga.

Dr. Alexx Woods: A thousand bodies under my belt, and I don't notice a live one.
Tim: First officer didn't, either. I mean, who can blame him? Place smells like decomp. Covered in maggots.
Dr. Alexx Woods: I'm an M.D. I'm trained to know the difference.

Eric: I had my cell phone on vibrate, I was busy - didn't wanna get disturbed.
Tim: Busy with the left hand?
Eric: Yeah... funny...

Alexx: I can undress a dead body in my sleep.
Tim: I'm leaving that one alone.

Calleigh: So you're going to shave before you go to IAB?
Tim: It's a polygraph test, not a portrait.
Calleigh: Well, you know, presentation is everything.

Carrie: Hey. Heard you have a, uh... groupie.
Tim: Our little creep's a forensic junkie.

Tim: [talking to two witnesses] Fishing, my ass. Did you see the size of that rifle in their boat? .30-06. They were poaching gators.
Megan: There are panthers out in the Glades. How do you know the rifle's not for protection? How do you know they didn't borrow the boat? Owner left his rifle inside.
Tim: I trust my gut. It seems pretty obvious.
Megan: You sound just like Horatio. The problem with the obvious, Tim, is that it can make you overlook the evidence.

Tim: Only way to outrun an alligator is swim faster than the guy next to you. Right Delko?
Eric: I used to have a partner.
Horatio: Guys, please.

Tim: You're trying to identify the DNA of the mold?
Lieutenant: Yes, I am. Which would mean the smear from the bungalow could only come from a single host colony, like the killer's bathroom.
Tim: Mold's a primitive organism.
Lieutenant: But if it's biological, it has DNA.

Tim: Tropos: Clubs where people come when the door guy turns you down everywhere else.
Eric: So this is your hangout, Speed.
Tim: [deadpan] You know, did you ever think about taking up stand-up comedy or something like that? Because you're really very funny.
Eric: Glad you noticed. I appreciate it. Thanks.

[about a doctor's ugly Persian rug]
Tim: Just because you have a medical degree doesn't mean you have taste.

Calleigh: [Quickly walking through the break room] Hi guys, bye guys.
Eric: [Stopping her] Hey, Calleigh, I heard you busted the stereo man.
Calleigh: Hey, I heard you found out who the car crash victim really is.
Tim: Yup, he was a bad guy.
Calleigh: You know, maybe not all bad.
Tim: I think the mob would disagree about 1.5 million times.
Calleigh: Yeah, but you know, I was thinking. If he hadn't have stolen from the mob, then he never would have become a beach bum in Florida and then he never would have got picked up by the hurricane. Then if he hadn't got picked up by the hurricane he would have never hit Burton's car, and if it wasn't for hitting Burton's car, Burton would have gotten away with murder.
Eric: [Smiling] Leave it to you, Calleigh, to find something good to come out of a hurricane.
Calleigh: [Smiling] They do alleviate global warming.
[She leaves]
Tim: [to Eric] She's way too cheerful.

Calleigh: French lace. From the window at the Moreno house. It's also used in high-end toupees. Gives a more natural look to the hair line.
Tim: Lace on a rug?
Calleigh: Mmm-hmm.
Tim: Shoot me if it comes to that.

Tim: If we found a pill with Welmont's company stamp on it, why are we going to see the cook again?
Lieutenant: Because he's weak. Welmont is the target, but Kimble is our ammunition.

Tim: Last time I was in church was when Kurt Cobain died.

Horatio: Speed, we have Dad's clothes with orange and purple fibers and ancillary hairs probably transferred by his attacker.
Tim: That's strange, 'cause I found seven different hairs and none of 'em were pulled.
Horatio: Okay, so the hairs were shed, and the fibers are from a community source.
Tim: Like from a blanket?
Horatio: Just like from a blanket. What else?
Tim: [showing him an evidence baggie] Found this, it's another piece. It's a coated piece of paper with a partial shoeprint. So, that icon on there, I ran it.
[showing him a search result]
Tim: We got SunStar Rental. Miami International.
Horatio: Calleigh has made a connection to New York. You know what that means? Our killer flew down here.

Calleigh: And Moreno's wife said he liked to stay up late and watch TV. My guess is he got jumped right in the middle of Letterman.
Tim: Top ten ways to get your head blown off.

Calleigh: Why fill in the number? Why not just sand it all the way down?
Tim: I don't know. Maybe it's a guy thing.
Calleigh: What? They'll add on or cover up, but they won't mess with the chassis?
Tim: You know what, you're scaring me.

Tim: One minute you're ruling the world, the next, you're in a six-by-six.

[death by carbon monoxide]
Man: What killed that guy?
Tim: He had gas.

Calleigh: French lace - from the window at the Moreno house. It's also used on high-end toupees. It gives a more natural look to the hairline.
Tim: Lace on a rug.
Calleigh: Un-huh.
Tim: Well, shoot me if it comes to that.

Lieutenant: This cocaine did not come from Haiti.
Tim: Not unless Haiti's in the middle of our crime lab.