250 Best Detective Alexandra 'Alex' Eames Quotes

Detective: You two have a play date?

Detective: The ice queen?
Detective: You notice anything unusual?
Detective: Not really.
Detective: It's just that she's putting lipstick on her eyeball. She's taking a picture of the safe.
Detective: [he fast-forwards] Am I missing something?
Detective: I just like to watch.
Detective: I like to listen. I'm meeting a snitch down at the Coronet.

Stephanie: [to Goren] Oh, well, you're very, very welcome. You know, if you're ever in the market for a date, I'd be happy to put you in our database.
Detective: [hesitating] Oh...
Detective: Sorry, he can't afford your meat market.

Detective: [to Detective Goren] You're the lapsed altar boy.

Detective: It won't be pleasant for me.
Detective: Mm-mmm.
Detective: It's about getting *him*, right?
Detective: Mm-hmm.
Detective: So what's the problem.

Detective: Gee, I need a hanky.

Frankie: Everything has always been the same.
Detective: How do you mean?
Frankie: You can't lose another life than the one you're living now, or live another one than the one you're losing.The longest life is the same as the shortest.
Detective: What's he talking about?
Detective: The longest life is the same as the shortest.I know this.
Frankie: Some things are rushing into existence.Others out of it.
Detective: Did you read this, Frankie?
Frankie: Time is a river, a violent current of events, glimpsed...
Detective: Glimpsed once, already carried past us and is gone. Yeah.That's Marcus Aurelius.The dictates of a warrior.

Detective: My dad's a cop, when I have a problem he's still the first one I talk to.

Detective: [about a "person of interest" in an investigation] He's just letting it all slide - even the things that matter to him. He's sinking into depression.
Detective: [holding up a will] Here's one thing he hasn't let slide.

Brice: You're asking if I had anything to do with him getting killed?
Robert: Did you? You know, Marc out of the way, you put on the wings, and you're Icarus.
Brice: That's a little All about Eve-ish. Don't you think?
Robert: You're telling me that you didn't resent him at all? A tv actor with no theater chops gets the role over you. I mean, you were nominated for an Obie.
Brice: You googled me. I'm flattered.
Alexandra: Had to sting... night after night, seeing a sitcom star mangle the part.
Brice: That's how the business works. They want a name. Yeah, well, I have a name. It's Brice Calder.
Robert: [as they were shaking hands] Detective Goren.

Detective: [Multiple times throughout episode] Naughty cyberpals. Very naughty cyberpals.

Detective: [about the murder of a soon-to-be-divorced man] I guess the custody issue's been worked out.

Marion: This can't be happening to me.
Detective: Sorry, it looks like you forgot your ruby slippers.

Detective: The woman has boyfriends coming out of her ears!

Detective: Looks like you might have done it, huh? Sent Dad to jail?
Camilla: I don't want that.
Detective: For once you snatched victory from the jaws of your mother. You showed your parents just how smart you really are.
Camilla: They know. They raised me.
Detective: Raised you? Wolves would have done a better job.

Detective: They use the same psychological coercion as cults.
Detective: So did the guy who sold me my car.

Nicole: [Nicole is seated across from Eames and Goren] You're both so transparent. Punishing Ella to get at me.
Detective: That's Nicole's maternal instinct, rearing its little head.
Detective: You can't deny those feelings, even if you can't have kids of your own.
Nicole: Yes, thank you. Not all of us can be blessed like you, with eggs ripe and ready for hire.

Robert: Well, if she stole the money, she had to have a reason.
Alexandra: Greed?
Robert: Yeah, but she lives within her means. I mean, she had three pairs of shoes in her closet.
Alexandra: Maybe she was sick of it.

Detective: A suicide club - and Carmine didn't know he was a member.

Alexandra: That's a cute cat.
Natalie: Oh, name's Pyewacket.
Robert: [smiling] Pyewacket? That's from a... Jimmy Stewart film. Yeah, the cat, it was Kim Novak's best friend. It's a funny movie. I think the cat was a wizard. Not very catholic.
Natalie: It's a cat.

Detective: Well, if he wanted to get inside Laurette's head, he needed more blondes in his life.

[after viewing their dead suspect who is a fashion photographer]
Detective: As murders go, it's pretty flashy.

Alexandra: [searching Dana's apartment, picks up black brief underwear] I can see a European in these...
[picks up plaid boxers]
Alexandra: but not these.
[checks tags]
Alexandra: Different sizes.
Robert: She's very busy.

Detective: You must love dancing. You're just so - so light on your feet.
Marion: I'm a student of the dance.
[Marion exits the room]
Detective: Dance of the Merry Widow.

Crane: I used it to pay for groceries at D'Agnostino's. I was getting into my car to go up to Vermont when some guy bumped into me, some jogger. Must've picked my pocket.
Detective: What's this jogger look like?
Crane: Blond hair. Long blond hair, sunglasses. I didn't get a good look at him.
Detective: Maybe your friend did.
Crane: My friend?
Detective: Well, the ski report on the radio said it was bright and sunny up in Vermont. For someone who was outside all weekend, you look as pale as I do. Spending all that time indoors by yourself wouldn't have been much fun. So... can we talk to your friend?

Detective: Don't mind my partner, he's a little ADD.

Detective: When tourists take a bite of the Big Apple, the apple isn't supposed to bite back.

Detective: A divorce lawyer - the gift that keeps on giving.

Detective: I almost forgot, I once busted a stripper who did a thing with a glow stick, do they do that there?
Louis: Yeah, they do that.
Detective: [to Goren] I can't believe you touched that thing.

Detective: [referring to a dead body in latex] He died with his freak on.

Detective: [to Robert Goren] You're undercover, you don't tell me?
Captain: Those were *my* orders - direct from the top...
[Eames shakes her head and walks away from Goren and Ross]

Detective: Have you seen the Internet? They have a fan group on Facebook.
Captain: Yeah, we're not joining it. NYPD / FBI just put out this statement.
Detective: [reading] "Despite the rhetoric, these are nothing but common criminals."
Detective: Oh, the bad guys write sexier statements than we do.
Captain: But we're not insane.
Detective: [continues reading] "There's no need to overreact. City and federal authorities have the situation well under control." If I were them, I'd want to prove this wrong.
Agent: We're taking all necessary safety precautions. What do you think we should be saying, detective?
Detective: That communism is dead and they're trying to replace a flawed system with a failed one.
Agent: You want to have a political science seminar?

Detective: [Alex comes up to Bobby after separately interviewing] My witnesses did better than yours.

Dr. Scott Borman: You do know, of course, that "zoonotic" doesn't mean that the viruses came from the zoo.
Detective: It doesn't? Well, my partner was telling me that, but it doesn't make sense to me, because there's the word "zoo"...
Dr. Scott Borman: [Leers at Eames] Guys... we never listen.
Detective: [Moves to stand between half-naked Borman and Eames] You conducted seminars for 'Special Friends of the Zoo'.
Dr. Scott Borman: Well the directors think I'm a good ambassador, for the zoo.
Dr. Scott Borman: [Spits]
Detective: [Disgusted] Because you have so much in common with your animals?

Captain: This guy has a death-wish, and he's going to take somebody down with him.
Detective: We can always hope he gets the order mixed up and shoots himself first.

Detective: We have that Ukrainian politician to thank for that.

Detective: He gave me a big hug. He said it was a great thing I was doing for my sister, and he said when the time comes, he'll hook you up with a temporary partner.
Detective: Oh no. I didn't even think of that. Well, what'd you say?
Detective: I pitied the fool.

Danny: So no murder weapon, no witnesses, shaky motive.
Alexandra: And contradictory alibis. Tommy's cousin alibis Tommy but not Malia. Malia alibis Larry, but Larry rejects her alibi.
Danny: It's possible the three of them are in this together.
Robert: There is one way we can break into their world.
Danny: Bring Tommy and Malia in together, break them apart.
Robert: Yeah.

Detective: You put this in the mail.
Trudy: No!
Detective: We have you on film.
Detective: It smells like almonds. I bet you know what else smells like almonds?
Detective: You're under arrest.
Trudy: No! No! Oh no!
Detective: I don't want to hurt you.

Detective: The "Grace Note" Suicide Diet!

Mr. Smythe: Four counts of manslaughter. That's what I get for overestimating the intelligence of a grand jury.
Detective: Just be grateful the D.A. let you off with a plea bargain.
Mr. Smythe: I don't consider shutting down my website a bargain. All right, Joanie and Chachi, right? This is the last chat I have for them.
Detective: Thank you, you can go do your little dance in Hell now.

Detective: [discussing a murder victim] Alimony orders: Feldman was pulling down $700,000 a year, and the judge awarded Mrs. Feldman $1,000 a month. Out of five million in community assets, Mrs. Feldman gets $300,000.
Detective: Who *is* this judge, the Honorable O.J.?

Stan: [to Goren] You know, you're awfully snoopy.
Detective: A lot of people point that out.

Detective: This is what happened, the rest of your pretty daughter got turned into pudding and washed down the sewer system.

Detective: Did you find out everything you wanted to know about me?
Detective: Yeah, sure did. Bourbon, eh?

Detective: From locks to lock and load.

Detective: [about Dr. Scott Borman] I think his speedo's too tight, it's cutting off the blood to his brain.

Detective: Hey, does someone mind filling us in on what's going on here?
Detective: Someone's got Anthrax. A whole lot of it.
Detective: Great. And exactly when are you going to share this with the rest of the world?
Detective: That's up to the Comissioner's Office.
Detective: Great. Those Idiots.

Robert: So the Monsignor forced Theresa to have sex "quid pro quo" for giving her five days to return the money?
Alexandra: She's so remorseful, she kills herself.
Robert: Five days to return the money, she goes home and kills herself. You know, look at this. "What I have now done was the only path left for me."
Alexandra: So formal.
Robert: Yeah.
Joseph: [arriving at the room] Here all night?
Alexandra: You bring bagels?
Robert: See, men, women, they leave different markers when they write suicide notes. Women seem to rely more heavily on expression of feelings, like, um, thanking someone. You know, polite speech. Apologizing.
Alexandra: She was close to her parents, and they're not even mentioned.
Robert: Yes. "I acted out of greed and poor character." See, now that's a direct admission, but there's no reference to God or the Bible, or any misgivings for breaking the eighth commandment.
Joseph: The $2.7 million question is... Why was it erased?
Robert: Yeah, I don't know. But I do know that she didn't write it.

Detective: [after reading an article by a lawyer killed by a hitman] Sounds like Old MacDonald rubbed some people the wrong way.

Detective: A millionaire's death is never simple.

Detective: [Typing] Okay, so here's his first e-mail about the offer, and there's an even bigger one here. The easiest thing would be just to take the hard drive...
Zack: I wouldn't do that.
Detective: Zack.
Zack: There's a question about the legality of downloading information. But taking that hard drive, that's theft.
Detective: We're not asking you to share the risk.
Zack: I just spent the last hour trying unsuccessfully to concole Danny's sister. He was my former partner. Enough said?
Detective: [Nods] Then maybe you could find a screwdriver?
Zack: Here. Here''s a 16-Gig flash drive. You can download everything. Plus, look, what's going on here? You've made a mess.
Detective: Fine, let's clean up. We'll fill you in.

Kevin: You're way too hot to be a cop.
Detective: You're way too smart to think I'm gonna fall for that.

ADA: Edie Elverson's parents were preparing for a wrongful death suit two months ago. They took depositions, including Carmine Ruggiero. I convinced the Elversons' lawyer to give us a copy.
Detective: Short deposition.
ADA: The lawyer had scheduled two hours with Ruggiero, but she cut it short.
Detective: Did Longbridge settle with the Elversons?
ADA: The lawsuit was never filed. My impression is that the Elversons decided to drop it.
Detective: Maybe this is why.
[Eames is reading off a court transcript]
Detective: "Question. Was Ms. Elverson asked to work more hours than other employees? "Ruggiero. No. She told me she came in to work "because she hated being at home alone. "She was uncomfortable around her family. "Question. Did she explain what she meant? "Ruggiero. She was drinking a lot. "She was afraid they'd find out. "Question. Isn't it true she was asked to redo her work for no reason? "Ruggiero. No. It was her idea. "She said she was afraid Timmons "would notice she was making mistakes "because of her drinking and fire her."
Detective: [Goren picks up where Eames left off] "I came in one Saturday, I found her in the bathroom, getting sick. "She was drunk, she was crying. "She told me she tried to kill herself in college by taking pills. "She said no one knew. "
Detective: This is how Carmine let her down. He lied in his deposition, like a good company man, and he sank the Elversons' lawsuit
Detective: But if he dies an apparent suicide because he felt guilty about lying
ADA: It might help the Elversons' lawsuit get back on track.
Detective: I can think of one person that would make happy.

Leonard: We're waiting, where is he?
[On the phone with subordinate]
Leonard: Oh. There you are. Hubert will answer all your questions.
Hubert: These files cover Edie's last two months of work. Performance review, loans in progress. And these are Carmine's.
Detective: Edie's performance, how was it? Her family said that she worked long hours.
Hubert: She got the work done, but she kept missing deadlines.
Detective: Any way Carmine could've submarined her?
Hubert: No, I would've caught on.
Detective: Mr. Skoller, maybe you can explain this.There are eight revisions of this loan analysis that Edie prepared. Except, each draft doesn't seem all that different from the previous. There's new punctuation marks, the graph's a little bigger Were these changes your idea?
Hubert: No. Mr. Timmons reviewed these.
Detective: A lot of busywork for nothing.
Hubert: That would be contrary to the company policy outlined in our human resource document that every employee has to review and sign once a year. If we find any other files, I'll make sure you get them right away.
Detective: Each report that Edie wrote was revised over and over again. She was called out for minor mistakes and dragged in to work weekends. Somebody had it in for her. Well, it's a hostile work environment. Maybe that's the reason for Skoller's legal-speak. The company being sued for Edie's suicide.

Jake: Death penalty? What the hell for?
Ron: Do I need to explain the felony murder statute to your client?
Jake: I didn't kill anybody!
Detective: The Kersten girl and her boyfriend, Michael Carson, Jimmy Randazzo.
Jake: That wasn't me, and who the hell is Jimmy Randazzo?
Ron: Funny thing, the law. Right hand commits the murder, let hand pays for it.
Liston: Uh, how can my client help himself here?
Ron: Names and addresses, I take the death penalty off the table.
Liston: Life without parole? Well, that's pretty steep. He-he's got no record of violence.
Ron: He does now. And the offer's not gonna hold. We found him, we'll find the others with or without his help. Life, death... you choose.

Detective: [talking to Rose about her husband] He loves you to death. To nine deaths.

Barry: Isabel and I haven't been romantic since Bastille Day.
Detective: Now there's a holiday that's tough on relationships.

Detective: It's a laminating machine.
Detective: Forger's friend. Nathan must have left it behind.
Detective: Serial number's still on it.
Detective: We can trace it to the store.

Detective: [Goren and Eames looking through the filthy, cluttered apartment of murdered cop, Billy 'Buzz' Davis] How come all divorced cops have the same decorator?

Camera: Yes, Mr. Crane. I remember the sale. He spent two minutes looking at the camera, and bang; sold.
Detective: What'd he look like?
Camera: About six feet, medium height, red hair, short, mustache. Tinted aviator glasses.
Detective: Did he show you a driver's license?
Camera: Of course. We ask for one with every purchase.
Detective: Was anybody with him?
Camera: No.
Detective: Did he know a lot about cameras?
Camera: He knew what he was looking for. He asked for one with good low-light resolution.
Detective: And what did that tell you?
Camera: Low light; um, boudoir photos. 90% of these instant cameras, people buy them for intimate portraiture. Excuse me a sec.
Detective: [he leaves to help another customer] We got a pop on the credit card. The 3-6 has a suspect in custody.

Detective: Do you have a lot of students in their sixties? Fifties? Forties?
Lawrence: No.
Detective: I'm guessing twenty-five is the cutoff for actresses. Twenty-six if they're pretty.
Lawrence: You have no idea.

Detective: She couldn't do any better than her boyfriend. Cooper Union?
Detective: No Anna Hutchinson on their student roster. Charges on Mr. Crane's credit card since it was stolen. Our thief's been living it up. Friday, $4,200 at Tourneau Watch. $2,200 at Prada.
Detective: It's John Doe's new clothes. He spent two grand on clothes for a jewelry heist.
Detective: New job, new clothes. Saturday, $300 at a camera store. More charges Sunday, today. You want to hit some of these places?
Detective: Does it bother you that the same people who just jacked $300 million are maxing out a stolen credit card?
Detective: Once a thief. You said yourself, they're impulsive.
Detective: Okay, if it doesn't bother you.

Detective: This wasn't a robbery gone bad.
Detective: It's murder gone good.

Detective: [looking out the window] Full-on circus... paparazzi, news vans, panhandlers.
Detective: Page one, tomorrow's Post: 'Tsunami kills thousands' or 'Nyle Brite gets shot in the heart'? I wonder... which it will be?

Detective: If I were in this family, I'd probably drink, too.

Detective: [reading a victim's text message] You're a lying bitch, I pray to God you burn in hell.

Detective: [seeing Goren reading a book written by a suspect] What are you doing, underlining the dirty parts?

1st: Rise and shine, Sharif.
Detective: He was using the Justin Crane credit card?
1st: Yeah, he was busted for buying Metro cards for his homeboys.
Detective: Where'd you get the card, Sharif?
Sharif: I told 'em, a white dude gave it to me.
Detective: When?
Sharif: On Saturday, outside the camera store down on 23rd.
Detective: What did he look like?
Sharif: Red like an apple; red hair, red lip brush.
Detective: And he just gave it to you?
Sharif: Yeah. I didn't know it was stolen. He just said, "Hey, help yourself."
1st: And then what? He got in his sleigh and rode off with his reindeer?
Sharif: No, just his big, gray Caddie.
Detective: [to Goren] Ho, ho, ho.

Jack: Are we done here?
Robert: Uh, No. What is Tuxedo Hill? Our friends at the SEC couldn't tell us anything about it.
Jack: The Tuxedo Hill Group is a special purpose partnership capitalised by third party equity to hedge certain Mattowan assets.
Alexandra: We have no idea what you just said.

Captain: He still drive a Jag?
Detective: A new one every three years. Just like his harassment lawsuits.

Robert: Greek mythology seems to be a reoccurring theme in your work. Your three movies, your last musical, Pandora.
Adam: Yes, I'm drawn to the classic stories... how human nature endures.
Robert: Right. And the labyrinth... Well, it's part of the Icarus story. Daedalus... he builds the labyrinth to imprison...
Adam: The minotaur.
Robert: [looking at a picture of a circular labyrinth on the wall] Minotaur. Right. I like the way you... Well, your representation of it onstage.
Adam: Thank you. Yes, the... the labyrinth represents a journey of discovery, a pilgrimage to the truth.
Alexandra: Our job in a nutshell.

Karl: You stupid bitch.
Gia: We're both dead, anyway. You killed us.
Detective: Think again, Gia. You got a long and healthy life ahead of you.
Detective: [she looks at him indignantly] I lied. Sorry.

Leonard: Seven-day work weeks are standard. Loans to companies in trouble are deadline driven, and we have a young staff with plenty of energy, and the more they burn, the more they earn.
Detective: Or burn out, Mr. Timmons, like Edie Elverson?
Leonard: This isn't work for the faint-hearted. Character weaknesses bubble up to the surface pretty fast.
Detective: Carmine Ruggiero, was that one of Edie's weaknesses?
Leonard: I never heard that. Excuse me.

Detective: [walking into the conference room and finding Goren sitting on the floor, surrounded by neat rows and columns of open case files] I didn't know you could play Twister by yourself!

Detective: [about a book Kaspers bought for a child] "The Wretched of the Earth." Was the bookstore out of "Charlotte's Web"?
Axel: [earnestly] Do you know the book? Can anyone know that book without being moved to take pity - to take action?
Detective: Yeah, I never step on spiders any more.

Detective: Senator Kittridge will be disappointed his polyp didn't get to save mankind from some terrible disease.

Joseph: The producer wanted his own star killed.
Robert: It was the only way to stop the bleeding, and he had someone on the inside to do the job.
Joseph: How do you prove it?
Alexandra: With the help of some egomaniacs with inferiority complexes.

Detective: The train's about to run out of gravy.

Detective: What about you?
Johnny: I got my daughter to protect me.
Detective: I carry a gun.
Johnny: And a badge. But no grandchildren.
Detective: [leaving the house] He has Irish Alzheimer's. Forgets everything but the grudges.
Detective: It's good he has you.
Detective: Ye, whatever. They take care of you when you're little, you care for them when they're old. Circle of life. Blah blah blah...

Detective: How'd you find her, craigslist?
Carmine: Who's Craig?

Captain: Well, it's nice to see kids studying the classics.
Detective: And learning all the wrong lessons.

Stephanie: I'm doing what I have to do to keep my family together.
Detective: I respect that. I'm just telling you, plain as I know how, this investigation is going to take its course. You're the only one caring for those kids. If you go to jail, what happens them?
Stephanie: Wait. I - I can't go to jail.
McGowan: OK, what kind of consideration are we talking about here?
Detective: The DA said they're not eager to send her to jail.
McGowan: So, immunity? Probation?
Detective: Something like that. If they like what they hear.

Detective: He would have arrived on the train from Montreal last Thursday or Friday with luggage, computer equipment, that sort of thing.
Redcap: Yeah, I seen this boy Friday afternoon. Helped him with his bags; black canvas bags. He would have been a good tipper, but he had this friend with him.
Detective: He was traveling with somebody?
Redcap: No, no, somebody met him.
Detective: Did you catch a name?
Redcap: Uh... Jake. Pretty sure it was Jake.
Detective: Thank you.
Redcap: [cut to the precinct; he looks through a book of mugshots] There he is.
Detective: [taking the picture out] Jacob Nathan; forgery, possession of stolen goods, larceny.
Redcap: And tight with his money, too.

Detective: I miss Vice. People doing stuff for money. Guys like this. I get them.

Detective: Speaking of cradles, looks like you robbed one.
Detective: You're uh, looking for her, huh? You worried that you didn't inoculate her thoroughly enough against our tricks?
Nicole: She has a natural immunity to pathological liars.
Detective: Well, uh, I've never seen you so agitated.
Nicole: It must be all the pleasant memories this place brings back.

Detective: Bad news comes in all packages.

Detective: [watching Goren playing with the flesh on a corpse] Uck. You keep doing that, I'm gonna drop this kid right here.

Detective: I got a hit on our John Doe. I sent his prints up to Canada.
Detective: Michael Carson.
Detective: That tattoo he had, prison tattoo. Canadian prison; Archambault, up in Montreal. Carson spent three years in cell block D for possession with intent. That's why he was wearing new clothes. Whoever shot him didn't want his old clothes traced back to Canada.
Detective: How did you...?
Detective: The guy with the body art, he's got biker friends up there. Carson's parole officer hasn't seen him since a week ago last Thursday. Meaning he came down here Thursday night or Friday.
Detective: Being a felon, he would have avoided going through customs at the airport. That leaves the train, where inspections are more lax.

Detective: [a witness is a homeless woman who has named herself God] Put God together with the sketch artist.

Detective: [Goren pulls a necklace out of the victim's mouth] What do you think this means?
Detective: Robbery wasn't the motive?

Detective: One fake miracle, two real deaths.

Detective: Clerical error, my ass. She got to him.

Joseph: So somebody killed him, switched his body with a cadaver? That's pretty elaborate.
Robert: Killer dressed the body in Langston's clothes. He propped him up in the park, make it look like a prank, buy time while Langston's body was being cremated.
Joseph: Congratulations, it's a homicide!
Alexandra: With no crime scene, no cause of death, no motive, and our victim was last seen at an event with 100 suspects.
Joseph: You'll earn your paycheck this week.

Detective: Give it up, garbage boy!

Detective: What did you do to him, Doris?
Doris: I played bad nurse with him. Tied him to Grandma's smelly bed, put on my ma's nurse cap and beat the crap out of him. But like ma said, he could take it. Hey listen, I gotta get back to work, you see Spence around you tell him hi for me.
Detective: [unenthusiastically] We will.

Detective: We were about to sign off on your self-defense story, Earl, until your wife told us that, well, that you knocked the gun out of Bennie's hand.
[to Isobel]
Detective: That was an unnecessary, damning embellishment. Why'd you do that?
Detective: I think she didn't want Earl skating by on a self-defense rap.
Detective: When did you find out, Isobel? Last May? When Earl and Bennie were working on that coin shop heist? You saw them together, overheard them talking. Thinks fell into place who killed Dan... your Dan.
Isobel: I wanna go home.

[last lines]
Detective: He'll get over it... just like Peter Bonham.

Alexandra: You're not thinking suicide.
Robert: You are?
Alexandra: The gun could have bounced when she fell. Suicide that looks like a murder?
Robert: Or a murder that looks like a suicide.

[poking fun at Eames for having her sisters baby]
Nicole: Tell me, did your sister let you keep the sonogram so you'd have something to cuddle up with at night?
Detective: [angrily] I see my nephew, three times a week. Being pregnant was - a great experience, Nicole. Consider yourself robbed.

Detective: Too strange for the chess club? That must be some kind of record.

Wayne: Why all these questions?
Alexandra: We think somebody with inside knowledge was involved.
Wayne: Who? Douglas? April? I love my niece, but she couldn't pull off a surprise party, let alone a kidnapping. I'm a better suspect than she is.
Detective: Well... we thought of you.
Wayne: Just because we're atheists doesn't mean we don't know right from wrong.
Detective: Oh.
Wayne: And we also know harassment when we see it.

Detective: When was the last time you went on a treasure hunt?
Detective: How 'bout never.

Detective: [while observing a suspect in the interrogation room] She rages on, inspite of all the evidence against her.
Detective: She could confess, but where's the fun in that?

Detective: [Goren asks Chinese shop owner a question in Chinese]
Shop: [in Chinese] You speak Chinese like my little dog!
Translator: She said...
Detective: [embarrassed] I know, I got it.
Detective: [amused] So did I.

Alexandra: [as D'Onofrio empties out the incriminating contents in a black bin bag found hidden in the boot of Sandy Del Gado's car] Houston, we have a problem.

Jake: It's Atwood. It's Karl Atwood. The other guy I only know as Ziv. But he's the main guy, Atwood. He's got the goods.
Detective: Where can we find him?
Jake: I-I don't know. It's... he lives in the Upper East Side with his girlfriend. Her name is Gia, something Italian. I got a cell phone number on him.
Detective: [passing a pad over] The number.
Detective: Atwood and the girl, they've been together long?
Jake: Yeah, I think so. They got some act, those two.

Detective: [entering a warehouse with a strong coffee smell] Do you smell it?
Detective: I'm getting a caffeine buzz just breathing it in.

Zack: Hassan kills Danny Ross, goes free, and is set up as a despot. And that validates the death of our friend? I don't accept that.
Detective: Yeah, I-I think because he was our friend, it's why we need to do it.
Zack: Releasing a multiple murderer is not justice. Hassan might find the GPS devices and disarm then.
Detective: Hassan hired a technical expert to sweep and find them. But the expert was an FBI undercover. This is what needs to happen. Hassan needs to smuggle that shipment of weapons into Putland, right? He needs to barter for power to warlords, to terrorists.
Detective: They can be located and wiped out. Zack, making deals that are painful, doing things we hate, sometimes it's part of our job.
Detective: It's what our captain believed in. I don't think we should undercut that.
Zack: [to Eames] And you're buying this?
Detective: I'm listening.

Detective: I love it when men say they babysit. When it's your own kids it's NOT babysitting, it's called being a dad.

Detective: You think he's the money trail?
Detective: I am going to try and find out.
Detective: I really feel I should try to talk you out of this.
Detective: But that's always been a wasted effort.
Detective: Yeah,
[pause]
Detective: right.

Detective: Those people did NOT look like zombies when they came in.

[referring to notes on Goren's desk]
Detective: Admirers?
Detective: No, reporters. They want a comment.
Detective: Can they print a hand gesture?

[last lines]
Detective: God's will.
Detective: Let's hope so.

Susan: Why are you showing me this?
Detective: This is what your husband does for a living: he kills people.
Detective: That's how he paid for this car, the house, the condo in Florida.

Alexandra: [reading on a Catholic Crush website] "God's perfect match in 60 days or your money back"? Wonder if I'm too old for Catechism class.

Detective: So, if you have $300 million in hot stones, who do you go to?
Avi: Whoever gives you the best price. Maybe you get 30 cents on the dollar.
Detective: $100 million. It's still a nice piece of change. So, who? The Russians?
Avi: They don't need them. They are choking on diamonds from the Kremlin vaults. Maybe the Chinese.
[looking through crime scene photos]
Avi: This is hand-tooled, not machined.
Detective: This X-brace was left welded to the safe.
Avi: I might know a man in Brooklyn.

Detective: No wonder he was angry. She stole his robot.

A.D.A. Ron Carver: Is it a cult? Brain control?
Detective: Yes.
Detective: No.
A.D.A. Ron Carver: How reassuring.

[last lines]
Detective: They are adorable.
Detective: They are what dreams are made of. *Bad* dreams.

Detective: The only money I ever got from my family was the 50 bucks my Dad gave me for my prom dress.
Detective: Is that the same year you were selling apples in front of City Hall?
Detective: It was matchsticks, and it was snowing.

Detective: Look, strip down all their double-talk. What is it that Randall Fuller really said to those people?
[paraphrasing]
Detective: "Everything you've done is wrong." "Everything you are is false."
Detective: "But it wasn't your fault; you were 'programmed' that way."
Detective: "Leave it to Grace Note to give you back your life." It's *very* seductive.

Detective: [looking at victim's keepsake photo, then sighing] Grace kept this on her pillow, like it was a dream - some place to get away from all this.
Detective: I heard you got away for a few years. You feeling some kind of kindred spirit?
Detective: Nah, I try to avoid transferrential relationships with dead people - it's always so one-sided.

Detective: The fancier the building, the bigger the vermin in the walls.

Charlie: [sees a race car wreck on TV; squeals] Woo-hoo! Look at that!
Detective: You like car races?
Charlie: Oh yeah! I got a *need* for *speed*! I'm, not that I break the law any more officer. I got plenty enough tickets to last me a life-time, but no DUI's. I don't drink. I got an allergy.
Detective: Your job. Your always climbing around in those vents, that's dangerous, huh?
Charlie: It's fun!
Detective: [to Eames] Dangerous and fun.
Detective: [deadpan] Woo-hoo.

Waitress: This one's Colin Flynn. Sweet guy. Comes in once a week from the church across the street. Haven't seen him in a while. Something wrong with him?
Detective: Job burnout.

Detective: [looks under sheet, at murder victim's groin] So where is his - ?
Detective: Killer might've taken it. Fetish.
Detective: [looks out at beach, sea, and sky] Seagulls are always hungry.

[Eames, while examining a recently discovered, 20 year old partly decomposed corpse, realizes the victim was wearing a very rare mini skirt]
Detective: You wore one of those?
Detective: Looked good in it, too.

Detective: When I was a kid, I used to dream about living on a horse farm.
Detective: That's a nice dream - for a horse.

Buildings: East 74th... here it is. Plans issued two weeks ago to an Anna Hutchinson.
Detective: You get any ID?
Buildings: Student ID from Cooper Union. Oh, yeah; I remember her.
Detective: What'd she look like?
Buildings: Uh... good-looking young woman. Slim, dark hair, shoulder-length. Glasses, black rims. You know, the art student look.
Detective: What was her demeanor like? The way she spoke; friendly or not?
Buildings: Not. An honest-to-goodness ice queen.
Detective: We'll need you to come down later to talk to our sketch artist. Thanks.
[turning to leave]
Detective: Using this girl, that's not standard procedure for a burglary crew.
Detective: It's most likely the boss's girlfriend. Anybody else wouldn't be trusted.
Detective: [her phone rings] Eames. Put him through. Yes, this is Detective Eames. That's right. I'll need the card number. Get back to me, please.
[hanging up]
Detective: Dispatcher from the limo company. The car was ordered over the phone with a credit card, name of Justin Crane.

Zack: [Referring Eames to Stevens] She's new.
Detective: Oh, it's fun here.

Ethan: I was sent by God.
Detective: So were we.

Officer: Look, I was at home watching television. Next thing I know, I'm in a tunnel with a broken leg. Anything else, I don't remember.
Alexandra: This blackout, maybe you were doing shots in front of the TV, popping pills?
Officer: Major Case Lady, take a big bite, OK? I'm not a dope head, I'm not a drunk.
Alexandra: And you're not smart enough to hide your temper.

Ashley: [to Goren] You ask the weirdest questions.
Detective: You have no idea.

Detective: [sarcastically] Self-defense works for me.

Detective: [to Detective Nichols] You're starting to remind me of someone.

Detective: [after Rodgers gives an update on what she found during Broidy's autopsy] Anything else?
Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: He had a taco for lunch.

Detective: I mean, don't ask me to buy into an idea that Goren...
Zack: We. You, me, we follow up on Goren because it's our job.
[Under his breath]
Zack: And because we don't want them putting anybody else on it.
Serena: Is this private, or can anyone participate?
Detective: Oh, join in. It's Betray Your Partner Day.
Zack: That's not what I'm saying. Let Goren know that.
[to Stevens]
Zack: See, it is fun here.

Detective: I see a pub quiz in our near future.

Detective: Gluttony. Now I know why it made the short list of Deadly Sins.

Naomi: It was an accident. Mark needs to feel powerful, but he doesn't need to kill.
Detective: If only his mother had given him that kind of understanding.

George: He called me. He said his name was Jean, that he saw me in this Gilbert and Sullivan thing, and that he wanted me to play some Brit Eurotrash, Lord Pembridge.
Alexandra: For what? A movie?
George: Performance art. Improvisational.
Detective: Who were the other actors?
George: I don't know. I was meeting them today.
Alexandra: Where was this performance to take place?
George: In real settings. They were picking me up and driving out to JFK, and it was gonna go from there. Jean said they had a room for me at the St. Francis. That if anybody asked, I was Lord Pembridge.
Detective: And you thought you were part of the performance.
George: Yes.
Detective: [Sardonically] It never occurred to you that something illegal was afoot?
George: I'm an actor. I'm constantly broke. It was a couple of nights at the St. Francis. It sounded like fun.
Detective: Fantastic.

[last lines]
Detective: The tango just goes on.

Detective: Goren, it's for you.
Detective: [seeing a large, solidly-built man with body tattoos] Friend of yours?
Detective: I sure hope so.

Detective: [realizing DePalma faked a holdup] A starter's pistol, I would've shot him over a starter's pistol.

James: AIDS. Tough break.
Detective: Tougher if it was true.
Ron: You think she believed it?
James: We better come up with another way of finding Atwood.
Detective: We searched the apartment, her purse... no leads to him or the merchandise.
Ron: What about the other one, the, uh, the Serbian?
Detective: Casten Zivkovic; he's overstayed his visa along with a million other people we can't find.
James: Let's release his and Atwood's picture to the media; put some pressure on, hope they slip up.
Detective: [seeing Gia start to chew her nail] We got her. This.
[mimicking her]
Detective: That's her blink.

Captain: What are we talking about, some kind of Manson family?
Detective: If the Manson family shopped on Madison Avenue.

Detective: [to Goren] The way she was making googly eyes at you I thought you were getting through to her.

Detective: Old jealousies never die.

Detective: Big day for little women.

Detective: Could we see your cellar?
Mason: Sadly no. I need to limit the vibration and movement down there. I'm sure you understand. Carl will show you out.
Detective: A man with something to hide?
Detective: I think it's my size 13 vibe.

Detective: How many 8 year old girls do you know that love sports cars?
Detective: Besides me?

Detective: [to Goren] I didn't know you had an older, geekier brother.

Detective: She got her hands on this, why she didn't run?
Detective: It wasn't about that, it was about him.
Detective: Men come and go, but diamonds...
Detective: Diamonds don't keep you warm at night.

Detective: And that's when you overcame your biggest fear. You changed your way of being.
Doug: Yes!
Detective: You killed your dad and transformed your life.
Doug: [nods, smiling] Yes, I did.
Detective: And you killed your brother for the same reason.
Detective: The brother who had loved you, who watched over you.
Doug: It's wasn't real love. The context wasn't authentic. He watched out for me out of guilt. It's old stuff.
Detective: It's in the past. You killed your dad and you... let it go.
Doug: Yes!
Detective: Well, so then you became everything that Grace Note promised you. I mean, like it says here in the brochure, look! You became creator of your own destiny! Wow, look at you! You're a success story!

Detective: Hey, I showed Randazzo's diamonds to our jeweler. They were grade F; slightly flawed, great color; the worst rocks of the bunch. You were right; the Masucci angle's a lot of smoke. This guy... bad enough he shoots two witnesses. Now he throws a body in a trunk just to throw us off his trail.
Detective: Put yourself in his place. He is trying to lock in a hundred-million dollar payday.
Detective: Don't equivocate; he's a bad guy.

James: Where are we?
Detective: We struck out on his last known. He hasn't lived there for at least two years.
Detective: [on the phone] We will, ma'am, thank you.
[hanging up]
Detective: His ex is looking for him, too. Owes her a brick in child support.
Detective: This bail app from six years ago; his mother put up the bond. There's an address on her.
Detective: Let me see that.
Detective: You have her Social there?
James: The feebs have been notified. They're taking care of Interpol notification. Give me a status in an hour.
Detective: Mother Nathan, deceased seven months ago.
James: Poor guy's an orphan.
Detective: Somebody forgot to tell Con Ed. The power bill's paid up and current.

Det. Peter Lyons: Look, Alexandra, most of what I do is outreach. I'm more comfortable interpreting for the community than interrogating it.
Alexandra: You helped us at the rink.
Det. Peter Lyons: Well, there your partner was right. That's a public place. This is completely different.
Alexandra: Shankly was out of line, but there is still a murderer out there targeting people who educate and care for the deaf. Are you comfortable with that?

Detective: He left you in the lurch, Gia. He left you to take the rap for four murders. That's a needle in your arm. You're letting him run?
Detective: You didn't run, did you, when he was in... prison up in Montreal, in prison with Michael Carson?
Uniform: [entering] Your autopsies just came in.
Detective: Thanks.
[laying out pictures]
Detective: Sophie Kersten. The daughter of the people who lived in the apartment; 19 years old. Uh, your boyfriend put a bullet in her brain. This is her boyfriend. We think he was shot while trying to protect her. That's what boyfriends are supposed to do. Michael Carson. The medical examiner found evidence of frequent anal sex. This is Atwood's preferred sexual act... isn't it? It's his way of dominating his partner.

Detective: [to Goren] Go ahead, impress me.

Detective: [finding gay porn in the reverend's desk drawer] One of these things is not like the others.

Elder: What I'm struggling to understand here is why you are more suspicious of us than of a blackmailing prostitute.
Detective: Because he has an alibi.

Detective: Promise me a margarita when this is all over.

[last lines]
Alexandra: Erica will be so disappointed in them.

Detective: [seeing that Goren has covered two boards with random letters] I totally forgot I need an eye exam.

[Goren and Eames are pretending to be a "civilian" married couple interested in attending a self-help seminar]
Detective: Mr. Fuller, we were invited by someone here who works for you.
Detective: We don't know that, honey.
Detective: Anyway, no one seems to know her, uh...
[pauses, looks directly at Fuller]
Detective: You made us, didn't you? What gave us away?
Randall: Her sensible shoes. And her sleeve. It's, uh, shiny from rubbing against her holster.
[He looks at Goren]
Randall: Oh, and your belt is scratched where you clip your badge.
Detective: He's good.

Detective: Typhoid Roger, after you dump him, you get sick.
Detective: Blackmail him and you get killed.

Detective: Mark, he told us that there's three varieties of murder groupies: victims, psychos, and shrinks.
Detective: He said with you he's got "three mints in one."
Chantal: Oh! That loser!

Detective: Lord Pembridge?
Alexandra: Could we speak to you for a minute?
George: Well... dear, I don't know what for.
Alexandra: It's about some packages that were delivered to you.
George: Packages? I wouldn't know anything about packages.
Detective: Where are you from, Lord Pembridge?
George: From? Ah, my family's estate is just outside a little town called Leeds.
Detective: "A little town called Leeds." And what's the purpose of your visit here?
George: Pleasure. And friends.
Alexandra: What friends?
George: Oh, well, I just had a dinner for Mick and the boys. Sent them off on their world tour. And then I saw Gwynnie and Hugh. Lovely people, just lovely.
Detective: Cut it out.
[to Eames]
Detective: Isn't that the worst English accent you've ever heard?
Alexandra: Next to the Irish Spring guy, it's the worst accent, period.
George: I beg your pardon!
Detective: This mishmash of Cockney, Welsh, but miraculously I think I heard a shred of the north of England in one of your R's.
Alexandra: There are so many sounds in there, how can you tell?
George: Really, you are absurd.
Detective: I don't think he's trained.
George: [dropping the accent] Well, of course I'm trained, with Strasberg himself. I suppose you went to Yale. Now, are we gonna play this or what?
Alexandra: [reaching for her handcuffs] No, we're gonna play this.
George: Is that a real gun? Oh my God, you're really cops, aren't you?

Tommy: [pouring glasses of grappa] Cin cin!
Detective: [as Goren prepares to drink] We're on duty.
[Goren, disappointed, lowers his glass]

Detective: Nicole Elizabeth Wallace Hitchens Haynes, whatever. All of you are under arrest.

Detective: Tommy thought Beatrice was trying to get pregnant. He should've been happy.
Detective: Instead he tried to sabotage her, by changing her hours, feeding her soy. I can only think of one reason why a father would want to do that.
Detective: Unfortunately, so can I.

Detective: [watching Pike grieving on TV] Nothing like watching a crocodile shed tears.

Lewis: Detective Alex!
Detective: Down, boy.

Detective: [Eames and Goren find a briefcase in a trashcan. Eames wants to call the bomb squad; Goren sees an ID on the briefcase and grabs it, which scares the hell out of Eames] It's good to be back.

Detective: They stole everything but the light bulbs.

Detective: From chess prodigy to paranoid prodigy. That's why I stuck with checkers.

[Goren climbs up on the pharmacy counter]
Cardenas: Excuse me, that...
Detective: Don't worry, he does this all the time.

Detective: What was I supposed to do while I was pregnant? Stay home and knit?

James: Congratulations, you've managed to unite atheists and Christians in common cause against police harassment.
Alexandra: We do what we can.

Detective: [after Goren explains what certain autopsy tools were used on Kittridge for] Don't tell me they took his brain!

Detective: [checking suspicious ink spills on a suspect's desk] I'm checking to see which ones are fresh.
Detective: They must love you in the produce section.

Detective: I tried Proust in college; I gave up after the first million pages.
Detective: It picks up after the second million pages.

Detective: [hearing a description of a suspect] Well, that fits our profile.
[Bobby stops and stares at her]
Detective: I only pretend not to listen to you.

Detective: [checking surfaces for cocaine] Try the chair.
Detective: You think she snorted it off the chair?
Detective: We're thinking she didn't snort it.
Detective: ...Oh.

Ron: There it is in a nutshell. Larry Wiegert's word against the governor, his wife, the chief of staff, the whole damn political machine.
Detective: There they go, down the rabbit hole.
Ron: We can still get Richard Uffland for murder.
Detective: If we can find him.
Ron: His wife can point us in the right direction.
Detective: Now why would she do that?
Ron: Because you're going to arrest her. And if she doesn't cooperate, she doesn't get out of jail.
Detective: No! That's not the deal that we made with her.
Ron: I didn't authorize you to make any deal.
Detective: You damn well did. We told her what you told us, that you had no interest in sending her to jail.
Ron: I didn't. But if I have to, I will. And now I have to.
Detective: Well I'm not arresting her.
Detective: Count me out too.
Detective: We're supposed to be better than the people we're prosecuting. The governor might've taken a bribe, but he kept up his end of the bargain.

Detective: [referring to Bernard Fremont] What is it that women see in him?
Detective: The door to another world.

Detective: Boobytrap?
Detective: Kidnap a banker, kill a cop...
Detective: Did you just save our lives?
Detective: You can buy breakfast.

Mr. De Santis: It's not one of mine.
Detective: The question was did you make it?
Mr. De Santis: Your partner is deaf?
Detective: Maybe you are. She asked you a yes or no question.
Mr. De Santis: Well, then, the answer is no.
Detective: Mr. De Santis, our crime lab can match the unique marks on this piece to the characteristics on the tools that you used to make it. Of course, we'd have to confiscate all your equipment. Might take months to get it back.
Detective: [De Santis sighs] We'll take that as a yes. Who ordered it?
Mr. De Santis: Some guy. I mean, if I never saw him again, it would be too soon.
Detective: His name?
Mr. De Santis: I don't know. Uh... Serbian. Croatian. A bald guy. Is there anything else?
Detective: Yes. You're closing early today.

Detective: You'd think Trump's secretary would use spell check.

Detective: Four hours without a bathroom break, I thought I was going to pop a valve.

ADA: What did you find out from the embassy in Bangkok?
Detective: They have lovely fax cover sheets.

Detective: [viewing a body in two suitcases going to the airport] Maybe this beats traveling economy.

Detective: Yeah I'll bet Jenny felt right at home in a titty bar, oh right that's the point, Walter, she didn't!

Detective: Get your feet off my partner's desk.

Dempsey: You're a devil.
Detective: You should see me in a blue dress.
Dempsey: Yeah, well I ain't afraid of the devil.

Robert: Did he ever ask you to sabotage Marc's rig?
Donald: No. But when Marc fell... I knew Evan was gonna cash in.
Alexandra: [being ironic] And they say there's no creativity in the theater these days.

Kenneth: It wasn't an accident, is that what you're inferring?
Detective: You mean implying. The listener infers.
Alexandra: And detectives speculate, since we don't know the cause of death yet.

Detective: [encountering an unexpected presence] Juliet!... And her Romeo.

Detective: Most guys freak out if their exes send them even a Christmas card.

Detective: [taking out a pack of money from a little box] There's at least $5,000 here. I didn't have that kind of spending money in college.
Detective: It's more than I have now.

Detective: He looked like he already knew our names.
Detective: Don't flatter yourself.

Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: [describing the victim's stomach contents] Chicken, fish, beef, goat, plantains, beer.
Detective: Sounds like she ate half of Noah's Ark.

Detective: Roger Jameson, you're under arrest for murder.
Roger: You're joking, aren't you?
Detective: Do you see us wearing clown shoes?

Detective: [on the phone] Sure, we'll be right over.

District: If only he had gone blank on that street corner.
Detective: [scratches head] Oh, but then they wouldn't get to be celebrity perps.

Ron: I've got a case without forensic evidence, a case without...
[laughs]
Ron: I can't even prove beyond a reasonable doubt the victim is even dead!
Detective: Everything he's done to cover his tracks is evidence of a guilty mind.
Ron: Is there anything we might've missed?
Detective: We took apart his car, the plane. We checked with air traffic control along the eastern seaboard in case he turned up on somebody's radar.
James: The short answer is, what you have now is all the case you're gonna have.
Ron: "Trust me." Hell of a closing argument.
Detective: He did it. You saw him. You saw his rage.
Ron: I did, detective, but the jury never will, and his lawyer is no fool. She'll never put him up on that stand.
Detective: You put me on the stand. I'll get him up there.

Detective: I want to shove a stick in Kelmer's cage. See what he does.
James: What do you got in mind?
Detective: A leak to the media about finding a torso.
Detective: We're going to tell her family it's not her though, right?
Detective: No. He could find out.
Detective: I made a promise to her cousin.
James: I got to go with Bobby on this one.

Nathan: She was fantastic.
Detective: Not according to the text you sent last night.
Detective: My favorite is... "You used your beauty as a weapon to murder the souls of innocent men."
Nathan: I went overboard. I'm sorry.

Cutler's: [referring to Griscom] He's invoking his right to be silent.
Detective: Well, he doesn't have the right to be deaf, so he'll have to listen to what we have to say.

Detective: These two could be this mutt. We had the witnesses look at mug books, but nobody jumped out at them.
James: The gray Caddie?
Detective: The kid remembered a couple of numbers from the license plate. APB's out.
James: What am I looking at?
Detective: Our John Doe; the stiff from the crime scene. It's homemade; could be a prison tattoo.
Detective: How could he get to prison without leaving his prints in the system?
James: How'd my luggage end up in Amarillo last Christmas? Where are we with matching MOs?
Detective: Doesn't fit any of the crackers in the database.
Detective: Then try a bigger database. Look, our boy is an extrovert. He's brazen, self-confident, charismatic. He imposes his girlfriend on the gang, and he's holding them together even after killing one of them. We should look at armored car heists, bank jobs, anything with public displays of firepower.
James: Okay, we wasted time chasing down this credit card. Let's make up for it. The jewelry store owner sent over surveillance tapes for the last month. Our perps could be on there casing the premises. Any volunteers?
[Goren raises his hand, but is disappointed when no one else does]

Adam: Amanda blamed everyone and everything, okay? She even had a problem with the songs.
Robert: You disagreed?
Adam: Well, being as I wrote them, yeah. You familiar with my work, detective?
Robert: [hesitating] Oh, uh...
Alexandra: [interrupting Goren] He's more of a jazz guy.

Detective: In this neighborhood, the Neighborhood Watch watches the cops.

Detective: [to Goren, lingering behind wheel of 1962 Ferrari] You have to come out now.

Alexandra: True love. We all want to believe.

Detective: I hope this isn't his wish list.
[sorts through sketches of women]
Detective: He's got 3 blondes with long hair, 2 with short hair, 4 brunettes, and 3 gray haired ladies.

Detective: [bitterly, to the newly reinstated Detective Goren] I get it. You're the genius; I just carry your water. Right?

Stephanie: The Swan Club is a high-Echelon marriage broker. Clients pay an annual retainer of $200,000, and if a client marries one of my girls, I get a $500,000 success fee. Some people think it's unseemly, but why shouldn't your soul mate be vetted by a professional?
Detective: Because it's soulless?

Detective: As a little girl I used to dream of living this way.
Detective: It's musty in here, you can see the dead flies way up. Fake flowers. Hope you got over that.

Captain: [referring to a car-jacking/murder case in that happened on 9-11] I'd say they put about two hours work into this and called it quits.
Detective: Maybe because they had 2,000 other homicides to solve that day.

Detective: I remember you... You used to be Lois Cabrera.
Officer: I shoulda stayed that way.

Detective: [referring to the murder victim] He embraced good causes.
Detective: He also embraced any woman who got close enough for a smell test.

Detective: Karl Atwood, 38. Priors for armed robbery, assault, home invasion robbery. Convictions in New York State, Pennsylvania, Florida, and Montreal.
Detective: Archambault Prison?
Detective: Uh-huh. 18 months for attempted hijack of an armored truck.
Detective: Same time frame as Carson.
Detective: Atwood was deported back here six months ago.
Ron: Thank you, Canada. What about the girl?
Detective: Nothing in the file.

Detective: [wondering why doctors wanted to study Kittridge's brain] A politician's brain. Maybe they wanted to see how he talked out of both sides of his mouth.

Detective: Every time before he spoke, he looked up. The Manson girls did the same thing during their murder trial. They were visualizing.
Detective: What's he visualizing?
Detective: Not what... who?

Detective: They're an interesting couple.
Detective: Yeah: The Killer and Mrs. Magoo.

ADA: [Goren bet Carver 10-1 that a murderer will call him back] 10-1?
Detective: I've taken him on before, Mr. Carver. I'm down eighteen bucks.

Alexandra: So maybe now's the time to tell you we have security footage of you in the Premier Club elevator kissing Marc Landry.
Robert: [being ironic] You know, he really could have been just giving him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
Attorney: Are they making this up, Adam?
Adam: Okay... There was a couple of times he invited me up to his apartment... Work on his performance.
Robert: Right, but isn't that the director's job?
Adam: He hated Amanda, and she hated him.
Alexandra: So you were the peacemaker.
Adam: Yes. Marc was just trying to get me on his side. I mean, you got to love actors. I mean, they're people pleasers.
Robert: [being ironic] I know. I know.

Detective: I hear skeletons in the family closet.

Hilary: [about Nicole Wallace and Bernard Fremont] She's his creation. He thinks she's perfect, poor Bernard.
Detective: Poor Bernard.

Detective: Sex fiend and a bully, politics is a perfect place for him.

Detective: I learn something new every day.

Detective: The more I know, the less I sleep.

Detective: [Inquiring about Bernard's relationship to Nicole Wallace] Have you heard from her lately?
Bernard: Nicole is a fugitive, thanks to you two. And, no, she'd never put me in that kind of danger. She's very protective.
Detective: Well, you'd be very proud of your star pupil.
Bernard: I can't take the credit. She's a natural.
Detective: Well, she's very adept at poisons. Is that something that you taught her?
Bernard: I'll take a pass on that.

Detective: He killed these girls and took their pictures.
Detective: Can hold their poses for hours and never complain, the perfect models.

Chocolate: Kenna, yeah. I remember him. Sure.
Detective: You had a dust-up with him for wearing double clothes.
Chocolate: He had me strip down to my kimono, so all the people in the galleries could see.
Chocolate: You probably liked that.
Chocolate: Shut up, Ma, they're talkin' to me!
Detective: Is your mom right, Jimmy? Or- or did you feel humiliated?
Chocolate: I'm no Anna Nicole. I don't like bein' made a spectacle.
Detective: Then you'll be happy to know Guard Kenna was stabbed to death in his building two days ago.
Detective: Do you know anything about that, Jimmy?
Chocolate: He doesn't know anything. He just sits around eating biscuits. "Get a hobby," I tell him.
Chocolate: I know things, Ma!
Chocolate: Ungrateful, biscuit-eating son of a bitch!

Detective: The whole idea's so primitive: An arranged marriage, in this day and age.
A.D.A. Ron Carver: [nodding] Yes. Especially in light of the stunning success people have in choosing their own mates... in this day and age.

Detective G. Lynn Bishop: If it's all right, I'd like to go with you.
Detective: [Eames is pregnant] Sure, you can carry me up the stairs.

Detective: [talking about the neighbourhood she grew up] This place used to be called Mr. k's. Cherry popsicles were a quarter. And Danny Quinlan dumped me right there in front of Moran's.
Detective: Not for being ordinary.
Detective: For kissing Nick Farrell at recess.
Detective: [smiling] Ooh, lucky Nicky!

Robert: [coming close] Come on, Evan. It was a barn burner of a disaster, right? A catastrophe, a money-sucking catastrophe. I think... A career-ender.
Evan: How dare you?
Robert: [ponting to a portrait on the wall] You know, it must have been tough, your father looking over your shoulders every day. And now he's looking down on you from the great white way in the sky, and he's thinking, "I fathered... an entitled embarrassment."
Evan: All productions have problems.
Alexandra: [sarcastic] Not front-page headlines in the Daily News every day. You're the laughingstock of Broadway.

[Goren and Logan, dressed in similar dark suits, leave to interview a witness; Eames and Barak watch them go]
Detective: There they go. Ocean's Two.

Detective: [giving a 'Dirty Harry' style monologue to Valerie Kelmer's boyfriend Warren D'Alacosta] You wanna rethink that answer Mr D'Alacosta? We looked into your pedigree - a couple of DUIs, a couple of dope pops, delinquent on your child support. You drive too fast, drink too much, don't meet your obligations, don't give a damn about anybody. My partner has a fancy word for people like you - psychopath. I call them screw-ups. If you want to join the 2 million of your fellow psychopaths who are already in jail just keep lying to the police.

Detective: [Goren puts a small object in an evidence bag] Suspicious dustballs?

Detective: What is that?
Detective: Fish scale.
Detective: Great, she was attacked by a shark.
Detective: Sharks don't have scales.
Detective: [rolls eyes]

Joseph: [showing the newspaper] This show is Broadway Teflon. Ticket sales have doubled since the murder.
Alexandra: Never underestimate the public's appetite for blood.

Professor: This story of yours is - it's Kafkaesque.
Detective: That would make you the bug, Larry. You know what I like to do to bugs? I like to watch my partner squash them.

Danny: [to Eames] What I said.
Alexandra: [to Goren] I'm supposed to keep an eye on you.
Robert: Let me know if I can help.

Detective: [opening up a container of very nasty smelling cheese] That's Rochette. Made from sheep's milk.
Detective: You can tell that just from the smell?
Detective: It's, uh... on the label.

Detective: [dryly] You like your little brother, we can tell.
Doris: [in prison for manslaughter] Yeah he wasn't like the rest of us, could actually hold down a steady job, or talk to strangers without getting into a fight.

Alexandra: That didn't go well for him.
Robert: Well, he's in an ultra-competitive environment filled with type As. He's angry and obsessive.
Danny: So am I, so are you.