The Best Edi Patterson Quotes

Ms. Abbott: Did you like my little present?
Neal: Present? What the fuck are you talking about?
Ms. Abbott: I'm talking about Brian. I made him look like a fucking fool for you.
Ms. Abbott: I roofied his drink
Neal: You did what?
Ms. Abbott: I roofied his drink.
Neal: You drugged him? you could have killed him.
Ms. Abbott: ehehm
Neal: Thank you, that's the nicest thing, anyone ever done for me.
Ms. Abbott: Your welcome.

Janis: Bring your own brand, just like you did on your home tape.
[to Max]
Janis: You're edgy with big boobs,
[to Caroline]
Janis: You're the try-hard.
Caroline: I'm sorry, I'm the what?
Janis: That's your brand, the muscle and the hustle, the double-D's and the ditz.
[Janis leaves]
Caroline: I went to Wharton, I'm not a ditz!
Max: Well, you ain't the double-D's.

Judy: Carl's presentin' like a straight-up cunt-smasher now.

Judy: Ni hao, Daddy. That means "hello" in Chinese. I studied so much even though I wasn't allowed to go with y'all.

Judy: You knw what I want? I want to get married and get the hell out of Dodge. I'm gonna move to Malibu Beach, shave my pussy and learn to surf.
Jesse: Shave your pussy? Why do you want to shave your pussy?
Judy: So I can surf faster, Jesse!