The Best The Righteous Gemstones Quotes

Amber: The devil just jumped right in you there for a second, didn't he? Made you challenge me. Hold on, it's okay. He's gone now.

Amber: Jesse's not dumb, Judy. He's just very dense.

BJ: I'd love nothing more than to bang your played-out mother pussy for the rest of my days.

Judy: Ni hao, Daddy. That means "hello" in Chinese. I studied so much even though I wasn't allowed to go with y'all.

Lindy: Boomers, the most selfish generation that ever lived.

BJ: I don't eat Thai anymore, especially not for lunch. It gives me the shits.

Kelvin: My cousins are kinda diarrhea people.

Baby: Who wants to suck an old man's dick?

Judy: Carl's presentin' like a straight-up cunt-smasher now.

Keefe: When I was a teen boy, I danced nude in one of the cages near the DJ. A dark chapter I've put behind me.

Jesse: [to his siblings] God damn, we the new generation. Let's go save our fuckin' family.

Judy: You knw what I want? I want to get married and get the hell out of Dodge. I'm gonna move to Malibu Beach, shave my pussy and learn to surf.
Jesse: Shave your pussy? Why do you want to shave your pussy?
Judy: So I can surf faster, Jesse!

Keefe: Last night I tried to call curfew but they would not retire to their yurts.

[Scotty enters the vault where he has Jesse and Gideon tied up]
Scotty: How we doin'? Hm? We comfy?
[Scotty punches Jesse]
Jesse: Fuck!
Scotty: That's for all the bullshit.
[Scotty then punches Gideon]
Scotty: And that's for the hell of it. We could've been a killer team, Gideon. Pussy brothers of Thailand, coordinating low budget kung-fu pics by day, slammin' ass at night. Vegetarian options in every fuckin' restaurant. Thailand is fucking bananas! You made your choice... and you broke my fucking heart.
[Scotty leaves, slamming the vault closed behind him]

Kelvin: I can't even take a pee without Keith holding my dong, or I spray all over my face.

Jesse: When people see you do something bad it's hard for them to see you any other way.

Jesse: The whole church is sucking my wife's dick.