200 Best Gordon Michael Woolvett Quotes

[first lines]
[Andromeda looking at her face in a monitor]
Seamus: [entering] You're welcome.
Andromeda: For what?
Seamus: The lips. I, uh, spent a lot of time getting those just the right shape, right texture.
Andromeda: Hmm. How very thoughtful of you.
Seamus: Why? You don't like 'em?
Andromeda: No. No, I do. They're very... lip-like.

Harper: I missed the inspirational speech, but at least I didn't miss the dancing!

Seamus: You're doing Flash. I don't believe it. Flash? Beka, come on. You know what that stuff does to people. People kill over that stuff, their family and friends. Did you know that 82% of people on prison planets are Flash addicts?
Beka: Do you know what? They tell you that kind of stuff just to scare you.
Seamus: Sure, to scare you out of killing your neighbors.
Beka: Look, I'm not gonna pretend this crap is good for me. I know first-hand what Flash can... I'm using miniscule doses. For a limited time. It's medicine, and it's working. You saw, you heard what Dylan said.
Seamus: If it's such good medicine, why don't you tell Dylan?
Beka: Because Dylan is Dylan. Dylan wouldn't cheat on his FTA dues. Besides, it's none of his business what I put in my bloodstream.

Seamus: I'd love to chat, Dylan, but I got to run.
Captain: I'm looking for a stranger. Long black coat.
Seamus: Sort of a tall, short guy, bald with black hair? He went that way.

Seamus: The ship. She's alive.
Gerentex: What?
Seamus: And she is ticked off.

[Harper and Tyr struggling to free themselves from Magog restraints]
Seamus: This isn't working.
Tyr: Keep trying.
Seamus: Hey, do me a favor, will ya? Talk to me about something. Take my mind off things.
Seamus: You want a story? All right... When I was 16, after I'd lost my family, I was captured by slavers and sold to the diamond mines on Zokotl. One day while I was working in the mines, I noticed that the main support for my section had rotted through. I pointed it out to the overseers, but instead of fixing the problem, they cut my rations and doubled my work shifts. A week later, the ceiling collapsed, burying me alive 200 meters underground.
Seamus: [sarcastically] Thanks. Cheered me right up.
Tyr: It should've. Because I lived. I clawed my way out over the bodies of the dead. I escaped into the desert. I lived on seep-water and sand rats for an entire season. And then, one night, after I'd healed, I visited the overseers... and *thanked* them for their conscientious attention to worker safety. So don't you tell me that I'm going to die here today. Because the sun has not yet risen on the day when Tyr Anasazi, out of Victoria by Barbarossa, will face death graciously. I will kick and claw and bite and scratch and spit my last breath in its face, and as long as you are with me, you will do the same, is that clear?
[after a pause]
Tyr: *Is that clear*?

Captain: That stays.
[leaves]
Seamus: What'd I do?
Rommie: Personal effects of the crew.

Beka: Careful, Harper. That is one of Trance's plants.
Harper: I know.
Beka: She loves them.
Harper: I know.
Beka: She gives them names.
Harper: Trust in the Harper. The Harper is good. It goes in here...
[press a button to activate the transporter]
Harper: ... and it comes out there.
[the plant appears to transport but then explodes]
Beka: I believe she called that one... Walter.

Gabriel: Bad move, Mr. Harper.
Harper: Go ahead, snap my neck like a chicken!
[clucks]

Seamus: Trance, is it my imagination or is it beginning to go really hot in here?
Trance: Temperature readings are stable, and the bucky cables are still radiating heat perfectly. It's all in your mind.
Seamus: Oh. Good. Insanity, I can deal with.

Seamus: Somebody pinch me and tell me I'm not theta streaming. We - ow! - it's a figure of speech, Rommie.

Gabriel: What else did you do?
Harper: Oh, well, it's kind of funny actually. In all the, er, rush to build you, I sort of forgot to make you anatomically correct.

Rommie: And why is that, Harper? Because you're such a better match for me? Look at yourself. Your brain is a trillion times slower than mine, and your body? Barely thirty years old and already on its inevitable course toward decay and death.
Harper: Maybe, but there's one thing I got that your little boy toy, here, will never have. I love you.
Rommie: Well, that's the most pathetic thing of all. I might just as easily ask you to love an amoeba.
Harper: I created you. To you I'm supposed to be a god.
Rommie: Well, Harper, you know what happens to gods. They're eventually killed and supplanted by their own children. So, God, get to work.

Doyle: I am living a new life, for the first time; mine to find my own experiences, make memories. I wouldn't trade that for all the stars in the universe.
Seamus: That's a lot of stars.
Doyle: I have a lot of life.
Captain: And friends to share it with.
Doyle: To friends.
Captain: And to stars in the universe.

Seamus: What? I thought bug people were our friend.
Dylan: So did I.
Tyr: Which is why I place great stocking in paranoia.

Harper: Don't let the Cetus eat us.

Hohne: Mr. Harper?
Harper: It's freaking Grand Central Space Station around here. Chief Technical Advisor Hohne, fancy meeting you here.

Trance: Harper? How much do you remember from the last time that stuff was in your brain?
Harper: This isn't about Satrina, is it? You want to know if there are things in that Library about mysterious purple babes with pointy tails?
Trance: I don't have a tail.
Harper: Not anymore.
Trance: Harper, please. If there is anything in that Library about me, I have to know it.
Harper: I'll tell you what I remember. I remember this temple with gold etchings, statues, silk wall hangings, even. And all of this on a backwater world that I don't think even exists anymore. Or, maybe the world does exist, but I don't think the civilization exists anymore. Anyway, the point is, there were all these people worshipping a naked purple goddess, and you might say they were a little entranced.
Trance: That could mean anything. Maybe they like purple. Or, maybe, your memory is even hazier than you thought.
Harper: Yeah, but that doesn't explain why you reacted the way you did when I sang one of their hymns. Remember this little ditty?
Trance: Shush. Harper, you are my best friend, and because you are my friend, I really need you to listen to me: do not look at the Archive.
Harper: You know Trance, I liked it better when I thought you were harmless.
Trance: Yeah, me too.

Seamus: It's not that easy, Trance. Three spiral galaxies, dozens of galactic clusters. There's gotta be hundreds of prison planets.
Andromeda: Three hundred and forty eight, to be exact.
Trance: Really... What about that one.
Beka: Why? Why that one?
Trance: Well, it's... pretty.
Tyr: It's pretty. Now there's a solid reason to risk our lives.
Seamus: You have a better idea?
Tyr: No.

Seamus: Who the hell are you?
Dylan: No. It's 'who the hell are you?' and what are you doing on my ship?

Doyle: Harper, we can't just leave him.
Seamus: Very philanthropic, but existential trumps humanism. Sorry, pal. Welcome to Seefra.

Seamus: Try me. See if you can wrap your little rat brain around this. You kill her, I kill you. You lose. You kill her and you kill me, the ship blows up. You still lose. Either way, you lose.
Trance: Uh, excuse me? Can we please discuss the killing her part?

Seamus: Sorry, Beka, it didn't work.
Beka: What do you mean, it didn't work? It worked before. I saw it.
Seamus: Yes, but... The teleport won't function properly if we don't know Dylan's exact location. Believe me, I tried. We played hide-and-go-teleport with one of Trance's fish in Hydroponics.
Beka: And?
Trance: Tuna tartare.

Tyr: Love is merely a trick that DNA plays to replicate itself.
Andromeda: I don't have DNA.
Tyr: My point exactly! Are the two of you planning to procreate? Will there be a nursery full of little grav-sleds and data disks... hmm?
Andromeda: Cynic.
Seamus: [to Tyr] Well said. You should consider a career as a, uh, therapist.
Tyr: My first professional recommendation: focus on your work! And stop worrying about your life-sized love doll.

Seamus: Engineer, heal thyself.

Harper: Deirdre. My Drift-rock darlin'. My Irish Creme. My destiny.

Seamus: Okay. All right. I know when I'm not wanted. I usually don't listen, but, uh, I know.

Seamus: What's the matter? You couldn't handle the guy?
Captain: Don't be smart.
Seamus: It's hard not to when you're a prodigy.

Andromeda: Hangar deck fifteen. Stowaways in the cargo.
Captain: Do we need bells and whistles for that? Thank you. How did they get past our security?
Andromeda: I'm detecting the deactivation of an electromagnetic cloaking device.
Captain: Nice toy. Mr. Harper, I want one of those.
Seamus: Looks like we just got one.

Harper: Cry me a river and drown in it!

Saguro: Genius! Who designed these modifications?
Trance: He did.
Saguro: This is your work. Hmm, we should make babies together.
Seamus: You two, out!
Andromeda: No.
Trance: Whatever.
Seamus: Why does it always take a fantastically beautiful but evil genius to recognize the genius in me?
Trance: Harper...
Seamus: Sorry.

Seamus: Okay. Let me get this straight. A Commonwealth Nietzschean arrests The Nietzschean of all Nietzscheans, who escapes. The Commonwealth tells us not to go after The Nietzschean but to arrest the Commonwealth Nietzschean who arrested The Nietzschean in the first place. Makes a lot of sense.

Seamus: Okay, I know I've been in a loop, which means I've been out of the loop, but is this a time to be playing with dolls? I mean, really, boss, you look silly.

Harper: Trance, have you been in the engine room lately?
Trance: No, it's disgusting back there.
Harper: Thank you.

Rommie: That's ceremonial china from the Than ambassador.
Seamus: Really? Sounds like a spool of superconductor wire to me.
Rev: Perhaps you should not watch this.
Rommie: If I don't keep my eyes open, he'll probably sell them.

Seamus: Someone has to get to that panel and open it so we can point this emitter at the tubes inside.
Captain: Rommie.
Rommie: Not a problem.
Seamus: Ha, have I ever told you how much I...
Rommie: Psst, you're in a lot of trouble right now.

Seamus: Tyr Ana-sleazy! Livin' large in the lap-dance of luxury!

Seamus: Now, that pain you're about to feel will be the tesseracter disassembling you atom by atom. I know what you're thinking - why is it that bad things always happen to bad people? Well, they don't. I happen. Specifically, I hack in, and you are locked out, maestro.

Trance: Y'know, since we've got a little bit of time here, we might as well find a good way to spend it. I know! I've got this really great game. It's called "Harper tells Trance everything, so she can save his miserable little life." Would you like to play?
Harper: I hate you.
Trance: You're just saying that.

Rev: From what I gather, his Kodiak pride was destroyed in a clan war. My guess is he's trying to prove his genetic worth, so he can join a new family.
Seamus: Great. Not just a Nietzschean, but a Nietzschean with a chip on his shoulder.
Rev: Another of the universe's little jokes... at our expense.

Seamus: Yeah baby, you'd better believe it. A man makes his own density.
Höhne: Destiny.
Seamus: Yeah, that too.

Beka: Parlays away, Tyr. This bogey is hostile. Target its vulnerable spots. It does have vulnerable spots, right?
Rommie: Beats me.
Harper: Beats me? Two words I never expected to hear from a warship with a brain your size.

[first lines]
Seamus: I'll say this for the old Commonwealth. When it comes to, uh, formal dinnerware, you guys rule.

Seamus: No, no, no, no, no.
Captain: Well, there's got to be an explanation, Harper. Maybe it's one of the new crew members.
Seamus: No.
Beka: Why can't it be a crew member?
Seamus: For the tenth time, no.
Tyr: That was nine.
Seamus: All right, all right. Now, just listen, okay? It's a face I've never seen before, nor care to ever see again. Besides, it was in the wall. New crew members don't hang out in walls. People don't hang out in walls. You know what hangs out in walls?
Captain: Mr. Harper, you're tired.
Seamus: All right. For the eleventh time, no.
Tyr: That was ten.

Rommie: Harper, why don't you find yourself a nice girlfriend?
Seamus: I tried building one, but she doesn't want me!

[first lines]
Seamus: [singing] From a billion Sovereign planets / Scattered through the endless night / Bound by blood and High Guard honor / Hold the line until the light / Hold the line against the night!

HG: This is where the parts come together. With your hands?
Seamus: Exactly. My hands.
HG: You are like a slow directing intelligence unit.
Seamus: Okay. I'll take that as a compliment.

Seamus: So, road to Grunswick, I'm on foot, guy comes along in a cart, offers me a ride.
Beka: Sembler?
Seamus: No. I say, sure, why not? I've got a bone spur on my foot. It's kind of gross. You want to see?
Trance: Oh, no.

Harper: So, is this the part where you explain to me your diabolical plan?
Jeger: No. It's the part where I open your skull and extract your database by force.
Harper: Oh. Uh, will it hurt?
Jeger: I hope so.

[first lines]
Seamus: [reading] "I know I'm supposed to meet you at Yoso Drift..." Here it comes. She met a guy. "But that was before I found out the mandelbrots are spawning on Onithone."
Beka: Ah, Trance and her pets.
Seamus: [reading] "It only happens once a century, so I thought you might understand."
Beka: Once a century? Wow, they get less action than you, Harper.

Satrina: My boss is very impressed with you.
Harper: Your boss? Mr. Tall, Dark, and Scary? The living lava lamp?

Harper: Miracle, shmiracle. All I know is if my main squeeze, assuming I ever get one, wanted to save me from a black hole? Doomed or not, I wouldn't stand in her way.
Beka: Maybe. But we know Sarah's plan didn't work. If it did, we wouldn't be here right now. What happened in the past happened. Dylan wasn't saved. His ship was still here 300 years later when we rescued him. And nothing Sarah's planning can change that.
Harper: All that work, and he's still not gonna get to first base... Wait a second. Maybe he can. Call me the love god, baby! Give me an hour, and then tell Dylan to meet me in the hangar deck.

Seamus: It's just like the Bev-o-tron. I press a button, and out comes a cool drink of love.
Beka: She's a person, Harper, not a Sparky-cola.

Seamus: So there's a price on your head. Oh, good. Maybe I'll get my money back after all.
Gerentex: If I were you, I'd spend less time trying to plot *my* downfall and more time trying to guess what I'm going to do with the two of you.
Trance: Oh, I love playing guessing games.
Gerentex: [chuckles] Call me a traditionalist, but when I kill someone, I really do prefer it when they stay dead. Now, be quiet, the two of you. I'm trying to think.
Seamus: Don't strain yourself.

[a naked Andromeda walks onto the bridge]
Hayek: Who are you?
Andromeda: I am Andromeda. The ship made flesh.
Hayek: You're just another liar, like all of them. Kill her!
Andromeda: I don't think so.
[all the invaders fall to the deck]
Seamus: Oh! Artificial gravity field. Don't it just suck?
Andromeda: Dylan may not be a god... but on this ship... *I am*!

Seamus: That's their Hail To The Chief? It's sounds more like a tuna with a toothache.
Rommie: It works better underwater. Protocol. Remember, the Castalian dignitaries have musical cues for everything. Music for entering a room, for leaving a room, for proposing a toast. And while they're on this ship, we have to respect their traditions. The Castalian Republic is progressive, peaceful, and stable. If they sign the Commonwealth Charter, they provide us with instant credibility.
Beka: And we provide them with the services of the toughest warship in the known universe.
Rommie: Flatter me all you want. You still have to wear the dress.

Nadya: Attention, unknown lifeforms: we don't want any trouble, so do us all a favor and don't make any. Stand by to receive our contact team.
Seamus: Well, all right then, Mr. No Guns, what's the plan?
Captain: Let them in, and now we do what unknown lifeforms are supposed to do in situations like this: tell them, "We come in peace; take us to your leader."

Tyr: He had to choose: save his fleet and his entire Alliance, or sacrifice them both to liberate a single slave world.
Seamus: But Dylan always keeps his promises.
Tyr: Dylan has made a great many promises, and he only has one ship. Now, try and get the people out of the streets. There'll be another time.
Seamus: Another time? I'm just supposed to stop a revolution? There are people bleeding and dying in the streets because they actually think they may have a chance to win for a change. How am I supposed to tell them they're wrong?

Seamus: That's a pile of ships.
Andromeda: Two thousand one hundred and three to be exact.
Seamus: Like I said, we're about to be neck deep in a big pile of ships.

Seamus: Hey, if you guys are gonna kill each other, go ahead and be my guest, but don't get any blood on my gear, okay?

Seamus: Yes, sir. Bravely running away, sir.

Doyle: Are you watching this, Harper? It didn't do that when we touched it.
Seamus: Yes, mistress.
Captain: I'm not even going to ask.

Seamus: Hey, believe it or not, I actually read that thing. The crap I went through to get that, and it's total gibberish. Steer by the glow of the, uh, Cyclop's eye? It's half mystical mumbo-jumbo, half putrid poetry, and half bad math.
Rommie: That's three halves.
Seamus: Like I said, bad math.

Seamus: How's my Rommie? Please give me good news.
Captain: Let's put it this way. If you don't hear back from me, start hiding.
Seamus: Great. I'll keep a channel open.
Captain: Do that. Hunt out.
Seamus: Activate door locks.

Seamus: Hah, phone home with that, Mata Hari.

Captain: Then maybe you should enlighten us.
Harper: Enlighten you? Uh, the Divine is good, don't do Flash, and if you're nice to people, they probably still won't be nice to you. Now run along, kids, Daddy's working.

Captain: They're scattered all over the nebula.
Harper: Exactly. Which means a catalyst is not gonna work. Unless you can get them all to politely line up to be incinerated.
Captain: I'll see what I can do.
Harper: What?
Captain: You get the catalyst working. I'll handle the Nietzscheans.

Gerentex: You know, now that the moment is upon me, I must admit to feeling a tad misty. Once I find Tarn-Vedra, all the painful struggle, the years of yearning will finally be behind me. I'll buy a lake. Or maybe a small sea. Start a harem of fecund Nightsider females who'll fill the water with furry tadpoles, and watch as the strongest of our young devour the weak in the ancient dance of life.
Trance: Oh. That is so beautiful.
Gerentex: Isn't it? You know, all I've really wanted was a home and a family of my own. To change myself for the better.
Seamus: You wanna change your life for the better? Put a bullet in your head.
Trance: Oh, Seamus Zelazney Harper, you take that back this instant.

Captain: I'm going to make that ship out there think that you're me, trying to escape. And then, while they're busy reducing you to your constituent atoms, I'll swing around from behind and blow them out of the sky. Now, I might get them before they get you, and I might not, but you've made your choice, so that's not really my problem. My obligation is to protect the lives of the people on this ship, and that's what I intend to do. Which is why Harper stays here. And you'll take him over my dead body...
Beka: You're bluffing. You can't make the Maru look like the Andromeda.
[Dylan holds up a device]
Seamus: Oops... Sorry, Beka.
Captain: I never walk into a situation without a plan for getting out in one piece. So make the call, Beka. Do you want to walk with me and live, or walk out on me and die?

Seamus: I'm telling ya, the guy is huge. He's like... some kind of Greek god or something.
Beka: Still, there's only one of him.
Seamus: Yeah, but nobody said anything about *taking* this ship away from anybody, especially somebody so big. It's supposed to be abandoned.
Beka: Yeah, but if it wasn't for us, he'd still be stuck in that black hole. I think he owes us.

Seamus: Tyr, we can't just leave her here. She's saved our asses too many times to count.
Tyr: So did the Gauss rifle I left behind on Enga's Redoubt, but you don't see me mounting a rescue mission to retrieve it.
Seamus: He's un-freaking believable.

Seamus: Maybe I won't own an entire planet inhabited solely by women. It's unnecessary and too much responsibility. Besides, they'll be all over me anyway with that treasure.
Beka: If it's gems, I say we keep the best and sell the rest.
Seamus: Now, that's thinking. What a kick, huh? Hidden treasure, power sucking moons, hungry Magog. It's like bedtime stories my Nana told me.

Seamus: Okay, what are the readings on the, er, the up and down thing?
Beka: The vertical?
Seamus: Right.
Beka: Spiking at plus or minus five.
Seamus: Okay, so, er, magnetic interference... we need more magnetic interference!
Beka: We have plenty of interference, Harper. That's kind of the problem.
Seamus: Right, of course. Insulation? We need insulation.
Beka: Did you sleep enough?
Seamus: Yeah! Yeah, why?
Beka: I don't know, you're just not your usual quick and quippy self.
Seamus: Oh, I'm just trying to concentrate, you know? Oh, what are the readings on the vertical?

Rommie: I'm detecting 13 battle cruisers and 11 Geruda class fighters.
Captain: Nietzscheans.
Rommie: Drago-Kazov.
Seamus: Whoa, that's my dream. That was my dream! Back when we agreed to escort this lousy Commonwealth convoy deep into the DMZ, we were ambushed by Nietzscheans.
Beka: Hey, dreamweaver! Before you go all Trance on us, this is not an ambush. That's Nietzschean-on-Nietzschean action.

Andromeda: So many dead that the corpses are routinely used as a source of fuel. But I'm sure one hero with a forcelance can defy the percentages.
Captain: Et tu, Rommie?
Seamus: Or he'll nicely heat a two bedroom Flash house.
Captain: Okay, okay, thank you both for your optimistic and unwavering support.

Seamus: Come on, boss, we haven't even gotten to her ID yet. Whoa. You're not going to believe this, but guess how old she is?
Captain: She's three hundred and fourteen years old.

Harper: Oh! Oh! Miss Valentine?
Beka: Yes, Harper.
Harper: This isn't our first field trip. Purple company excluded, of course.
Beka: That is my point. I want you to treat every boarding just like your first one. I want you to double-check everything. Hell, triple check it. I'd hate for any of you to end up like VexPag.
Trance: Vexpag?
Rev: Your predecessor.
Trance: Oh! He's the guy who retired. Didn't you say he bought a farm?
Harper: *The* farm. He bought *the* farm.
Trance: Well, what's the difference?
Beka: Torn pressure suit and a bad emergency seal.
Trance: Oh, that is different.

Seamus: Did you hear? Doctor Professor Kor-Kavo's going to be there. She's got the finest frontal lobes in the tri-galaxies. She would look hot as fusion in a bikini!
Captain: Yeah, picture that bikini with a Magog stuffed in it.
Seamus: [wincing] Hey! Mental Cruelty!

Trance: I'll volunteer. I'll be the third.
Seamus: Trance, no offence, but I think we all remember what happened the last time you tried to pilot the slipstream. You took us back three hundred years in time, into the middle of a humongous space battle, where we, er, fixed the course of history.
Trance: Lucky for us.
Seamus: That's not the point.

Seamus: We saw her first. Open salvage. Finder's keepers.
Gaheris: Salvage. The Commonwealth sent you.
Seamus: Commonwealth? Wait a minute. You're with the original crew, right? You got stuck in time, didn't you? Oh, man, I got news for you, pal. There is no Commonwealth. There hasn't been a Commonwealth for over three hundred years.
Gaheris: Then this is a Nietzschean empire.
Seamus: Nietzschean empire? Please, stop, you're killing' me.
[Rhade hits him again]
Seamus: Ah, Stop it! You're killing' me.

Seamus: Trust in the Harper. The Harper is good.

Dutch: You are a stubborn lad, aren't' you?
Seamus: Yeah. It's one of my more, say, charming qualities.

Höhne: Oh dear, this is all my fault. I never imagined the tesseract machines side effects would be so disruptive.
Seamus: I just wish I knew what we did wrong.
Rekeeb: Not did. Will do. These events are emanating from the future.
Seamus: Argh!
Höhne: Oh dear.
Seamus: I wish you'd stop saying that.

Seamus: Okay, how did you get in there?
Captain: Just living in the present.
Seamus: Okay, don't start talking like Trance.

Seamus: You seeing what I'm seeing?
Trance: A really excited human with a rash?
Seamus: [chuckles] No, the ship. The Andromeda Ascendant. Right where that furry little twitch said it would be.
Rev: You're speaking of our respected employer.
Seamus: Ha! Whooo! You know, I may actually be starting to like that guy.
Rev: Hmm. No prior claims.

Captain: Hail them.
Rommie: No response.
Captain: Plot an intercept course.
Seamus: Er, boss? Isn't that a little dangerous for a good deed?
Captain: We're on the Andromeda, Mister Harper. I like our odds.

Seamus: These slipstream drives are a lot easier to break than they are to fix.
Dylan: My chief engineer called it "job security."

Captain: There's no time for that. See, I called this conference because we need an exchange of ideas, and you've had firsthand exposure to this situation. We're on the clock here, Harper.
Seamus: I thought we were on a ship.

Seamus: Okay, does this have anything, anything at all, to do with us getting out of here?
Flavin: Yes.
Seamus: Yes! I knew this was our lucky day.
Flavin: And no.
Seamus: I knew we were screwed.

Tyr: I don't expect you to understand, but there are far greater concerns than the crew of the Andromeda.
Seamus: How typically selfless of you.
Tyr: Those bones mean more to the future stability of your Commonwealth than any of you can begin to realize.
Trance: I don't care about the bones.

Ozzie: What do you want with Brendan?
Seamus: Like I said, I'm his cousin, Seamus.
Ozzie: Funny. Brendan never mentioned a cousin, especially not a collaborator in nice, shiny new clothes.
Seamus: I'm not a collaborator. We're not with the Dragans. In fact, we're actually here to try and help save you from the Dragans.
Ozzie: Yeah, and I'm the second coming of Haile Selassie. Why don't you tell your girlfriend to drop the lance and maybe we'll talk.

Harper: Now, for those of you haven't heard Harper's plan, here's the nutshell. Rerouting antimatter... to the main thrusters which will, when we power them up, send Cetus to heartburn hell and us in to chunky hurl heaven. It might get a little messy, but at least we'll all live.
Beka: I'll save us and raise you one. If we eject the Slipstream drive, we'll kill the Cetus, right?
Harper: What is with the death wish? Yeah, sure, if you want to die surfing an exploding vomit wave.
Beka: Hey, I've surfed the reaction of an exploding star before. I think I can ride out a little Cetus vomit.

Captain: Don't be smart!
Seamus: It's hard not to, when you're a prodigy.

Seamus: Fine. A game of chicken. Let's bring it.
[bounty hunter veers off]
Seamus: Entering slipstream. Woohoo! Damn, I'm god!
Gerentex: Hello? Does anyone remember whose idea it was?
Seamus: Shut up, rat. Just tell me where to go.
Gerentex: I have several suggestions.

Andromeda: Harper, you wanted to know when Doyle's signal reappeared. It has, on Seefra Five.
Beka: Seefra Five? I don't think so...
Seamus: Thank you, Andromeda.
[to Beka]
Seamus: I want her to feel included.

Seamus: This might take a while, Dylan. Don't win that fight too fast.
Captain: I'll make a point of it. So what's taking you so long?
Seamus: The problem is this stuff is so old, it predates you.
Captain: Oh, that's very funny.

Seamus: A map. A treasure map. Maybe your future just got brighter, Beka. Maybe my future just got brighter.
Captain: Daedalus Five, Rommie.
Andromeda: Daedalus five was destroyed by an asteroid three hundred years ago.
Seamus: I told you not to get your hopes up.

Captain: Trust me.
Seamus: Oh, we trust you. You feel guilty for leaving the Orca homeless. You want to turn foes into friends. You're a nice guy, but Tyr?
Beka: Tyr only helps those who help Tyr, and suddenly now he needs to save a Pride who swore to kill him?
Captain: The only person Tyr wants to save is his wife.
Seamus: What?
Andromeda: Approaching the slipstream portal.
Seamus: Who the hell would marry Tyr?
Captain: Beka?
Beka: Slipping.

Seamus: Well, we came, we saw, we got spanked.

Tyr: I could have you shot as well, and I just might, if you don't mind your manners.
Seamus: This conversation goes any longer, and I'll demand it.
Tyr: It'd be a waste of ammunition.
Seamus: Now you care!

Beka: Harper, come on. We're friends. We have no secrets.
Seamus: Oh. Okay. What's your natural hair color?
Beka: I can't tell you. It's a secret.

Harper: Trust in the Harper. The Harper is good.

Seamus: All right. You wanna know what I think?
Beka: Oh, good. Now for another chapter in The World According to Seamus Harper.
Seamus: Hey, my favourite book. Chapter 12, Paragraph 8, Verse 3. The universe hates you. Deal with it.
Beka: That's comforting.
Seamus: ll right. Remember when we heisted those grav speeders on Infinity Atoll, took 'em for a spin?
Beka: Yeah, sure.
Seamus: Well, the thing that I remember most about those eggbeaters was, I'd be whipping along, and every once in a while I'd hit a swarm of bugs. Poor little bastards just minding their own business, not doing anything wrong, and a little bit of bad timing on their part, and splat, all over the windshield.
Beka: Tragic.
Seamus: Damn straight. The thing is, as far as the universe is concerned, we're all bugs, just hopping along, loving life, until one day fate decides to introduce each and every single one of us to our very own, personalised windscreen. So yeah, maybe Dylan is crazy. Maybe he doesn't have a chance in *hell* of rebuilding the Commonwealth. And maybe one day something will come along and splat him too. But we're all gonna get splat eventually.
Beka: Yeah, but you forgot one thing. Dylan is not flying around minding his own business. He's looking for windscreens.
Seamus: Right. But with us on his side, he might just be the only bug alive tough enough to blast right through.

Beka: Look, why don't you go outside and play while mommy and daddy talk, okay?
Seamus: Fine, fine! If you think you can steal a hundred Nietzschean surface to air missiles and not get stopped, don't let me interrupt.
Beka: Surface-to-air missiles?
Seamus: Yeah, what? What did you think was in those crates?
Beka: Computers. I was told we were carrying computers.
Seamus: Okey dokie, I guess I'd better be going now.

Seamus: You want some? I could pour it into a spectral analyzer or something.
Andromeda: Thanks, but I prefer the logic chips.
Seamus: I can fix that.

General: Careful; we need him functional.
Seamus: No, go ahead. Keep it up. Ow! Yeah, that's it, because I ain't helping you. Nobody gets onto the Andromeda without an all-access pass and the boss's approval, and you're not getting either.
General: That's not the other choice, scientist. The other choice is, I fire a missile into the centre of the Seefra One landing port, full of incoming refugees. He may not care about you, but he'll care about the thousands of dead. Either way, Dylan Hunt will feel what it's like to have things taken away from him, like he's taken from me. So it doesn't matter what you choose, scientist.
Seamus: Freaking psycho.

Satrina: You know, I'm beginning to think your heart isn't in this.
Harper: Technically, my heart is in my chest, and I'd like to keep it that way, thank you very much.

Rommie: Harper, we can't keep trading punches with them all day.
Seamus: So manoeuvre or something. Er, damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.

Seamus: Gravity sucks. All right. You've got a broken ship, you need a mechanic. You've got a broken ship near a black hole, you need a quantum engineer. Rescuing Dylan from a black hole, again. Trance, I'll need your help.

Beka: Yeah, so how did we get into this mess? Who started it? It couldn't have been Tyr alone, or just the Nietzscheans.
Trance: The universe is just too big for it to have simply been them.
Seamus: All right, I, for one, don't want to talk about it anymore, okay? And I particularly don't want to talk about the lovable, absentee, not so young and restless Nietzschean you know who.

Harper: I knew you were gonna stab me in the back!
Satrina: No, Harper. I pretty much stabbed you right in the front.

Harper: The Witchhead Nebula was *the* site of the climactic battle of the Nietzschean rebellion.
Tyr: Nietzschean Tactical Offensive.
Harper: Whatever.

Seamus: See you later, you big freak. Speaking of which, I haven't been this happy since Tyr left.

Charlemagne: Emergency? You mean in the event that the command deck crew was reduced to a fine red mist and splattered across the walls in a bloody mural?
Dylan: That would qualify, yes.
Hohne: Fascinating. And do such emergencies happen with a degree of frequency or are they a rare occurrence?
Dylan: Not as rare as I would like. Hello, Mr. Harper. Anything I need to know?
Harper: Not a thing. You're the Captain, all-seeing, all-knowing. It's fine.

Seamus: We needed a Plan B. *You* always have a Plan B.
Dylan: Yes, but my Plan B's work.

Captain: The Vedran sun, Trance's sun, coming to join Tarn Vedra once and for all. Well, Mister Harper, there are a lot of people on those eight planets.
Seamus: And Trance is the star attraction.

Seamus: Speaking of short lives.
Beka: You don't think I'll live long enough to pay my tab?
Seamus: I mean, don't take it personally. Tell you what: on the way out is fine.

Captain: There's nothing I can do. Beka's on her way to you.
Seamus: Great. Great. Thanks for nothing, pal. See you in the next life.
Andromeda: Harper terminated.
Captain: Bad choice of words.

Seamus: Somebody has to wake Dylan.
Trance: I'm not waking Dylan.
Seamus: Andromeda?
Andromeda: Don't bother - I'm sure he's already awake.

Seamus: Trans-Galactic's uber big kahuna. Put him in a fish tank with piranhas, pray for the piranhas.

Seamus: Okay, enjoy your date with data. Don't forget to use a conduit.
Captain: Ha.

Tyr: You made me laugh.
Seamus: No, I didn't.
Tyr: Yes, you did, just not out loud. And I hope you get the chance to do it again.
Seamus: Yeah, we'll double-cross that bridge when we get to it.

Trance: Well, don't you think it's best that we destroy it? Just so it doesn't hurt anyone else.
Harper: Trance, as much as I would love to, if you erase history, you just... erase its lessons.

Seamus: I just came here to apologize. I'm sorry. It won't happen again. Please, please don't give me the boot.
Dylan: Well that's strike two. One more and you're out.
Seamus: Strike two? What was strike one?
Dylan: Careful - forgetting strike one is enough to be strike three.
Seamus: Right. Now I remember strike one. That won't happen again either.
Dylan: Dismissed.
Seamus: [to himself as he leaves] What was strike one?
Rommie: [after Harper leaves] Dylan, what was strike one?
Dylan: Well, there wasn't one, but he works better under pressure.

Seamus: Do I still have to call you "Doctor Professor"?
Doctor: You can call me anything you like.
Seamus: How about I call you for a weekend in a zero-G love pod?... Was that my outside voice?

Seamus: Yeah, yeah, yeah, and they laughed at him right up until they slit his throat, and after.
Brendan: That's true, but in the end, he laughed back. We both heard it, Seamus. He fought. He finally fought! And after that, nothing else mattered.
Seamus: Yeah, especially not to him.
Brendan: Seamus, you got to let it go.
Seamus: I don't have to let squat go! You don't know what you're talking about. You don't even know what happened. You want to know what really happened? They didn't come for my mother. They came for me, okay? They both died because of me.
Brendan: I'm sorry, Seamus. Don't you see? This just proves what I'm talking about. Your mother and your father did not die for nothing. They sacrificed themselves to save you, their only son. And it worked. They won.

Trance: Surrender, surrender. All his messages are the same. He sounds like an evil parrot.
Seamus: I can't believe I'm going to die at the hands of converging red blips.
Beka: Wait a second. I think you two might be on to something. Rommie, scan all of Cuchulain's messages for the background noise.
Rev: You don't think he...

Seamus: Long live the true Commonwealth.

Argent: She's android, isn't she, but thinks she's human. She was leaking superconductor fluid, but said she saw blood. How does a machine come to think it's flesh and blood?
Seamus: Three reasons: none of your business, none of your business, and none of your business. And don't you dare talk to her about it.
Argent: I guess it's not her business, either.
Seamus: So you're not as dumb as you look.

Colonel: Assassinating Sebastian Lee doesn't make sense. So what if the Nietzschean chose an eccentric way... to shoot the president. Assassins have been known to be eccentric.
Seamus: Not Tyr. Uh, overbearing, self-righteous, vain, vicious, brutal, *way* too serious, and a little big, yeah. But eccentric? No.

Seamus: Introducing Harper Nanobot 1-0-7. I like to call this model the Ms. Pac-Man. Wowawowawowa. It's an obscure reference to an ancient video game.

Seamus: Do you think he really is a gravity bender?
Telemachus: It does seem too easy.
Seamus: Since when do Nietzschens have a problem with easy? Take Beka for example.

Satrina: They're cute when they're little.
Harper: Wait a minute, that's only six of them.
Satrina: You can count. I like that in a man.

Seamus: I'm in hyperdrive, boss. Have you in there faster than you can say...
Captain: Thank you, Mr. Harper.
Seamus: Thank you, Mr. Harper!

Seamus: I am a *god*! Whooo!

Seamus: It's no more dangerous than any other place that's had two murders and a kidnapping in 24 hours!

Captain: It was never about me. The truth is, I'll never know why Gaheris did what he did. But I'd like to think that he had the best intentions.
Seamus: Yeah? Well, good intentions... hell... you draw the map. He got what he deserved.
Captain: It's not for you or me to judge. All I know is, every man is the hero of his own story. Even Gaheris Rhade.

Seamus: All right, all right, fine. I know a place. No one'll find you, but not another word about the Scouse races.
Ocham: Scouse me.

Tyr: I thought you said the prison colony would be here.
Seamus: I did! The coordinates lead right here!
Tyr: I can usually spot a planets They're large. I have good eyes.

Abelard: Does this have to be dressed up in such high drama? God, no wonder the theatre's dead.
Seamus: You haven't met Tyr. I've got an idea, boss. Why don't we take a fake? I could whip one up in...
Captain: Harper, you're staying here.
Seamus: What? But I-all right. They also serve, those who stand and wait.

Seamus: I'll have you in there before you can say...
Captain: Thank you, Mr. Harper.
Seamus: ..."Thank you, Mr. Harper."

Gerentex: Well, you know, in this business, you're only as good as your latest scam. My strip-mining venture on Infinity Atoll, my RobotoCourtesan manufacturing plant, the religion I founded. All gone. Forgotten. Pfft. Uh, this is the part where you're supposed to say, "Oh, Gerentex, that's so sad."
Trance: Oh, that's so sad!
Seamus: Oh, you're breaking my freaking heart!

Beka: You always say that about orbital habitats. You'd rather walk on dirt, I suppose?
Seamus: I prefer the term soil. Rich, moist. Visualize, Beka: the green hills of Earth, purple mountains majesty, and waving fields of grain.
Beka: Rain, mud, unfiltered air, Magog raids. Thanks, I'll take a nice artificial gravity field.
Seamus: We have nothing in common. Why do I worship you?
Beka: Uncharacteristic bout of good taste.

Rommie: The enemy destroyer was eliminated, but Castalian casualties are still high. Five of their ships are down. The planet was bombarded. Estimated civilian casualties: five million.
Beka: That's a lot of sushi.
Dylan: It's not funny, Beka.
Beka: Looked pretty darned funny from here.
Dylan: Look, if you're all finished insulting our allies, might I remind you that the point of these training exercises is to improve their morale, not destroy it.
Seamus: Look, Dylan, if you think Aquaman and the Silver Surfer here are going to help you stop the Magog, you may as well start basting yourself with steak sauce now and avoid the rush.

Seamus: Who-who is this guy? Why is he after us?
Doyle: The Andromeda is worth nothing? To anyone but us who know its operations.

Beka: Your destiny, Right. Never mind she couldn't speak a word of Common, and you don't speak Celtic or, whatever that dead language is.
Harper: Oh yeah? Try me. Uh... Bra ist un caparu. Love is our language.
Beka: Actually, love is your sandwich, but thanks for playing.

Seamus: A smaller chunk of power is used to accelerate more hydrogen in a dozen magnetoplasma dynamic drives, which impart a thrust. A thrust of half a million Newtons or so. So, when you're pushing a kilogram with half a million Newtons of thrust, it's a good idea to keep one hand on your valuables, because you never know when you just might run straight into some two-faced lying jerk.
Pish: Take him away.
Seamus: Boys, I'm not coming in with you, no matter what you try to say or do. I ride with Dylan to the end!

Trance: Life support officer Trance Gemini reporting for duty, sir!
Seamus: Suck up.

[last lines]
Harper: Man, who'd have thought that being a librarian could be so tough. Well, looks like I'm gonna have to do this the old-fashioned way.

Harper: I'm not deprived, I'm depraved.

Telemachus: Some actually value wealth of knowledge over material wealth, Harper.
Seamus: And some already have all the knowledge we need. We value silence over stupid opinions.
Telemachus: So why are you still talking?
Captain: Are you two finished?

Seamus: Speaking of this moon? The entire place is hollow. Built by a freaking genius.
Captain: Yeah, he also happened to build the Magog Worldship.
Seamus: Make that evil psychotic genius!

Seamus: If your plan resembles anything like run like hell I can name that tune in three notes or less.

Seamus: I can't get over that feeling that all I have left now are memories.
Captain: Welcome to the club.

[last lines]
Seamus: You know what you've done, don't you? You've kissed off our entire tundra flower monopoly, our best commodity.
Trance: No, I haven't. I gave Gerentex a beautiful thing to call his own. Beautiful things can make sad people happy, and bad people good. When you think about it, beautiful things can change the universe.

Doctor: Seamus.
Seamus: Not now... Er, hey, hey! Anyone who claims to be a scientist, listen up. You're not. That's right, you heard me. You're not scientists. You know what we got here? A room full of great minds and weak hearts. A bunch of intergalactic cowards. Where would science be if the great minds before us had been afraid? If Heisenberg had been afraid? Or if Simmonds had been afraid? Hohne? Afraid to ask questions, afraid to face facts, afraid to work together, even under risky conditions? I'll tell you where. We'd still be in caves worshipping those mysterious lights in the night sky. No, they weren't afraid. They were scientists. Now, what about the Magog? Does anybody care? Because I do.

Captain: Tyr.
Rommie: It's Tyr's slipfighter.
Andromeda: It is empty. There is no sign of life.
Seamus: What a surprise, huh? Tyr abandoned yet another ship. So where the hell could he have gone?
Captain: It doesn't matter. We did more than we needed to save him.
Rommie: He'll survive.
Seamus: Yeah, I prefer to assume the worst.
Beka: Tyr's made it through some pretty tough scrapes before.
Seamus: Like I said, the worst. With our luck, he probably made it through this one, too.

Seamus: How do they mate? How do they date? I mean, come on, love is just a bunch of exaggerations and lies, all dolled up in pseudo-poetic language, uttered preferably while intoxicated, and all for the singular, universal purpose of... uh, you know.
Trance: Harper, you're a born romantic.
Seamus: Sometimes there are flowers.

Tyr: Where is he?
Seamus: I'm sorry, Captain Hunt has stepped away from his desk. Please leave a message after the tone from the funny little guy. Beep!
Tyr: [grabs Harper] Are you amused? We have at best eight hours before that storm reduces us to component parts, and Dylan has disappeared.
Seamus: I don't know. Ask Rev Bem, maybe he knows.
Tyr: He's missing too!
[leaves]
Seamus: Try decaf.

Seamus: Look, an AP fusion catalyst isn't exactly a precise weapon, you know? It's not going to work with the fleet scattered halfway across the nebula. Unless you can get 'em all to line up nicely to be incinerated.
Gaheris: I'll see what I can do.
Seamus: What? You're serious.
Gaheris: Just get the catalyst working. You do your job, I'll do mine.

Captain: Is Rommie here?
Seamus: More or less.

Seamus: We got you! Oh, did we get him. Look at his face. Okay, you see that? *That* is why you don't tell him a week ahead of time.
Captain: Who put you up to this?
Rommie: Harper overrode my emergency protocols. He said it was necessary for the gag.

Seamus: From the beginning, what are the ten radical isotopes? Whoa.
Doctor: From the beginning, the ten radical isotopes. Tukerium, negative five. Dongor, neg seventeen. Lu, neg thirty one... Kartex, neg seventy nine. Sharbar, neg one oh one. Muilamium, neg one two seven.
Seamus: Isotopes with negative atomic weight?

Beka: They've stopped shooting.
Seamus: Yeah, they've probably gone to get bigger guns.

Beka: He's good. Quick on the uptake, smart, completely fearless. He reminds me of...
Seamus: You... He reminds you of you.
Beka: Then I know I can't trust him.

Seamus: I got a better idea. How about you round up all those warships out there, head to Earth, and blast the Dragan garrison to pieces?
Captain: I intend to, after I've drawn the Dragan fleet out of position, and as soon as you and Rommie make sure that all their armored units are out in the streets where they're vulnerable.
Seamus: Great. "Start the revolution without me." Anything else I can do for you? Transmute the elements? Reverse entropy? Make you a sandwich?

Harper: We shared this thing, this, um, cosmic connection.
Beka: You shared half a dozen whiskeys and a zero-gravity rhumba.

Beka: Hmm. Just once I'd like to rescue an ugly woman.
Seamus: And ruin my chances of being smitten by or smoting a beautiful woman? Leave me alone. I can't love straight when I'm in think.
Captain: Whatever that means.

Andromeda: Intruder, identify yourself. What are you doing in my mind?
Seamus: Rommie, it's me! Harper!
Andromeda: What is your authorization code?
Seamus: Uh... uh, Whiskey Charlie Delta Blues? I-I don't know.

Tyr: Focus, Harper. Nothing's buried itself in our hull yet.
Seamus: Yet: three little letters, so much pain.

Tyr: All right, well, I believe this is the place where I'd say we should forget about Rommie, and move on Harper can always build another android.
Seamus: What? Are you saying we should just forget about Rommie move on and Harper can build another android?
Tyr: Yes
Seamus: Forget it Tyr. No way. Rommie's the greatest thing I've ever done even if she did almost break my hand. She's alive Tyr. Come on she's got a life. She's got as much right to life as you do.
Tyr: All right. On the other hand I would embrace the opportunity to... uh...
Captain: To what Tyr?
Tyr: Well, I'd like to crush these creatures into cosmic dust. I'd like to utterly and unequivocably slaughter them. I-I-I-I want to kill them all.

Telemachus: Of course, without any weapons working, we're dead anyway.
Seamus: Another Nietzschean glass is half empty comment, huh?
Telemachus: I thought you said you weren't going to make any more Nietzschean jokes.
Seamus: That was last week.

Seamus: How is the bug?
Beka: The Than. Try to be polite to our guest.
Trance: She should be clicking and popping by the end of the week. Why do you ask?

Seamus: Seefra to Dylan? Seefra to Dylan. Come in, Dylan. I never asked for any of you to come back, you know. Maybe I did a little at first, but I got by. I got by. I made me a beauty, fabricated some freaks... I did what I had to do to stay alive in this sinkhole. Stinkhole. Three years. But I was going to find my own way out. No Andromeda, no Rommie, no promises. I didn't ask for any of you. I didn't need any of you, and even if I did, I never expected an answer.
[to the carbon block]
Seamus: You: you lied to me. You made me believe they'd be safe. What's that? You want a little drinky? Okay.

Seamus: It came to me in my dreams. I guess genius never sleeps. What looks like the Harper sleeping is really greatness at work. True, I almost finished breakfast by the time I realized the note I'd left myself reading - "Remember Celine" - was not referring to what I'd hoped. However, the important thing is...
Captain: The upshot, Mr. Harper?
Seamus: Slipstream.

Harper: Okay, I would just like to say for the record... *we rule*.

Captain: Vexpag?
Seamus: Yeah, another former crewmate. He's dead too.
Captain: Dead?
Seamus: Don't worry, it wasn't catching.

[first lines]
Seamus: Trance, I'm telling you. That waitress really dug me. We shared this thing, this, uh, pure, special cosmic connection.
Trance: Wasn't that what you said about that stripper you met on Mendocino Drift? The one who had the elbow spikes and threatened to perforate you, stick a light in your rib-cage, and turn you into a planetarium?

Gerentex: Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Let's have old Gerentex take us into his confidence, and reveal his latest scheme for wealth and success, and then we'll betray him and keep it all for ourselves!
Trance: We would never do that.
Seamus: I would.
Trance: True.

Seamus: Wow! You got logic chips coming up the quintaflop. What are you, some kind of robot brain scientist rocket surgeon thing?
Gabriel: No. I was a... teacher. My whole department was on the Ekatrina, running from one more wave of book burnings.
Seamus: Look, I just fix stuff, okay? This whole empathy thing it's, uh, not exactly... my strong point, all right?

Andromeda: Irish Gaelic. Earth based. An adaptive form. You're making seductive overtures to me in a dead language?
Harper: Hey, it's not dead the way I speak it baby. Il dit mon coeur.
Andromeda: And French. Harper, what has gotten into you?
Andromeda: Ru Olyev Olyev Sfinki.
Andromeda: And now, Perseid. Harper, I had no idea you were such a cunning linguist.

Seamus: Uh, Dylan, you're not gonna believe this!
Beka: Oh, no. You're not gonna confess again, are you?
Seamus: I'll resent that tomorrow, but for now, excuse me. Check this out.

[Harper just discovered that his infestation with Magog larvae is not a dream]
Seamus: [to Tyr] If you're gonna give me anymore of that, "Where there's life, there's hope," crap... Thanks. 'Cause I really need to hear that about now.

Harper: I'm no one's lunch!

Dylan: [Dylan speaks to Doyle] It appears you're in a unique position.
Seamus: I'd like to get Doyle in a unique position.
Dylan: [everyone glares at Harper] Harper...

Beka: I'm terrified to ask, but Harper, what were you doing?
Seamus: Push-ups.
Dylan/Beka/Trance/Rommie: No push-ups!
Seamus: Enough with the micromanagement!

[first lines]
Seamus: I, Seamus Zelazney Harper, the... Exalted Love Machine... of the planet Earth do hereby ordain that when 50 planets have agreed to join the Systems Commonwealth...
Trance: What are you reading?
Seamus: It's, uh, Dylan's fill-in-the-blanks constitution.

Captain: Mr. Harper, you were willing to take a bullet for me.
Seamus: Well, what else was I supposed to do?

Trance: This enough?
Adulasia: Definitely. Pleasure doing business with you.
Seamus: Hey, if you want pleasure, you're talking to the right guy.
Adulasia: Thanks, but I prefer my men alive.

Seamus: Well, the sunlight engines are still fine. We could always try the trip in normal space. I mean, it may take a while, but if we start out now...
Captain: If we start right now, we'll make it to the first known world in time to meet Beka's great-great-great-grandchild.
Seamus: Just how far out are we?
Captain: Trying to shake the Ogami took us clear off the star charts. We're not exactly in the middle of nowhere, but you can see it from here.

Captain: I'm afraid there isn't much upside.
Beka: Okay, who are you and what have you done with the real Dylan Hunt? Do you remember Mister Help Thy Neighbour, Captain Idealism? That guy would have jumped at this.
Captain: Yes, well that guy didn't know the Magog were coming. See, now we have to temper our idealism with pragmatism. Prioritize.
Seamus: He kind of has a point there, Beka.
Captain: Thank you, Mr. Harper.
Beka: Okay, look, I-I see what you're saying, but those freighter pilots? I used to be one of them, hauling rocks from one end of the galaxy to another, just trying to make a living. They don't deserve to be shot at, and they certainly don't deserve to die.
Seamus: All right, Rommie, are you recording this? Because this is like Freaky Friday or something. It's like somebody reversed the polarity on your brain waves.
Captain: All right, all right, we'll go, and we'll see what we can do.

Harper: I want my Rommie!

Seamus: Saved by the bell.

Trance: You know, since we've got a little bit of time here, we might as well find a good way to spend it. I know. I've got this really great game. It's called "Harper Tells Trance Everything So She Can Save His Miserable Life." Would you like to play?
Harper: I hate you.
Trance: You're just saying that.

Captain: Harper, I need an update.
Seamus: Things are going from bad to worse, Boss.
Captain: That's not a very good update.

Andromeda: Wait, I'm detecting a Nietzschean task force. Four light minutes away and closing.
Seamus: Ten capital ships, forty fighters? Oh, great. Can I get fries with that?

Seamus: That would disable our sensors. We'd be blinder than a Nightsider in sunshine.
Tyr: Unavoidable, I'm afraid.
Seamus: Don't tell me you're considering this! We may as well poke out our own eyes with knitting needles, or just ram our heads...
Captain: Thank you for your input, Mr. Harper.

Captain: Never bet against the little guy.
Seamus: I've been telling people that!

Seamus: Okay, so we're paranoid. So sue us. We needed a Plan B. *You* always have a Plan B.
Captain: Yes, but my Plan B's work.

Seamus: Yeah. Can you see me? Personal attendants clearing a path through throngs of adoring women throwing themselves at my feet. Make way, make way for Seamus Zelazny Harper, the universe's richest, most eligible bachelor.