Top 300 Quotes From JAG

Cmdr. Ted Lindsey: [after listing off Rabb's indiscretions at JAG] ... and the Admiral thinks I'M not Captain material!
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: [mockingly] So THAT'S what this is about, huh, Commander? The 'Good Child' syndrome. You keep your nose clean, I don't, but I catch all the breaks.
Cmdr. Ted Lindsey: Oh, Commander, don't worry... your days of catching all the breaks are over.

Sarah: Harm, what I've learned from my past is that alcohol doesn't change your true nature; it only makes it harder for you to control the one that you already have.
Harmon: Sometimes, a person's true nature is buried so deep that they never understand it.

Harm: Found all this very amusing, don't you?
Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby: No, I don't.
Harm: Well, you haven't stopped smiling since I came in here.
Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby: Because you've accused me of libeling the President of the United States. And framing one of my fellow officers for the deed. And if I didn't find this all very amusing, I might take a poke at you, mate.

Lt. Bud Roberts,: [to Mac] With Commander Turner's anger at me, and the Admiral's anger at Commander Rabb, this used to be a lot more pleasant place to work.

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby: Why are you marrying me, Sarah?
Major: Because I love you.
Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby: Then why am I the last one you turn to in a crisis.
Major: [quietly] I don't know.

Donald J. Guter: She defended a dog?
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: And won!
Donald J. Guter: And I thought troubleshooting for the SECNAV was interesting.

Special: There's one thing I've always admired about SEALS, Admiral.
Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Just one?
Special: Their code of never leaving a man behind. In the company, we not only leave them behind, we deny ever knowing them.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Remember when Meredith mentioned she was interested in taking flying lessons?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Oh, no. Please, sir...
Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Commander, I completely understand your reluctance, but, uh, my back is against a wall here. She's been dreaming up these weekend plans and... hell, this is the safest one.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Safe for who, sir?
Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Look, all I'm suggesting is that... this may sound mean, but just take her up, get her sick, cure her of this flying bug.

Navy Lt. Catherine Graves: I am not letting you in, Vukovic, okay? I am on guy-atus.
Lt. Gregory Vukovic: Guy-atus?
Navy Lt. Catherine Graves: A hiatus from guys...

Special: What do you got for me?
Abby: Well, I tested the sediment of the fibers in the cover. There were high concentrations of quartz, feldspar, and kaloinite.
Special: I flunked Earth science, Abby.

Vince: Hey, Jenny. You don't write, you don't call. What's up?
P.O. Jennifer Coates: I thought you were in prison. Get the hell out of here, Vince.
Vince: Now, that's not the way you talk to an old friend, now, is it?
P.O. Jennifer Coates: It is the way I talk to a son of a bitch I never want to see again.

Young Lt. Ron Graham: You're a lot smarter than you let on, Seaman.
Seaman Thomas: You're a rare one for noticing, sir.

Bud: Is there something the matter, dear?
Lt. Harriet Sims: This dress makes me look so fat.
Bud: Honey, you're pregnant.
Bud: You're supposed to look fat.
Lt. Harriet Sims: How fat am I supposed to look, bud? Like a station wagon? Like a blimp? Like Mount Washington? What?

Commander: [the convening authority is dropping the case] Sir, I WANT this one!
Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: You *can't* have it!

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [Picks up a snow globe off of Tiner's desk] This is your brain.
[shakes the snow globe]
Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: This is your brain during fatherhood. Any questions?
P.O. Jason Tiner: No, sir.
Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Good.

Lt. Jenarette: You know sir. I had the instinct to check the brig and I failed to follow through. I feel real bad about it. That's why I should be the one going in.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Captain won't allow it.
Lt. Jenarette: What about the two of us, sir?
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: The only reason I'm going in, because I outrank him.
Lt. Jenarette: Yes, sir, you do.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: You have one minute to suit up!
Lt. Jenarette: Yes, sir.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: So, what makes you think that I would be involved in any other way than professionally with Lt. Singer?
NCIS: You're more comfortable asking questions than you are answering them, huh?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: I guess I'm not used to being a suspect.
NCIS: Suspect? Who said you were a suspect? Have I read you your Article 31 rights?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: No, you haven't. Which means you're playing a very risky game, Gunny.
NCIS: I'm not smart enough to play risky games with a lawyer of your caliber, Rabb.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: That's "Commander Rabb." Or "Commander," or "Sir." *Gunny*. I believe, as a reservist, you're still technically in the Marine Corps.
NCIS: I am an NCIS Special Agent, and I don't have to salute you, or "sir" you, or give you any military courtesy. But you know that. So who's playing the games here?

[DiNozzo has Lindsey dead to rights]
Special: Do you know why I always catch the doctors and lawyers?
[Lindsey shakes his head]
Special: They over-think.

Lt: [Harm is fantasizing that Mac is dressed in a slinky dress] It's going to rain this afternoon. Perfect weather for making love.
Commander: [holding an ice pack to his head] Well, you would know, sweet thing.
Lt: [comes around the side his desk dressed in her uniform] Harm? Harm? Are you ok?
Commander: I'm fine.
Lt: You called me sweet thing.
Commander: Well, why would I call you that.

Sarah: You know the good thing about hospitals, sir?
Maj. Gen. Chad Kubin: No.
Sarah: They're open all night.

Sarah: [Harm, honking a truck horn at a cow in the middle of the road, wakes Mac] Oh, Harm, Harm, it's not going to move.
[Harm continues]
Sarah: That's not working!
Harmon: Well, you make her move then.
Sarah: How do you know it's a her?
Harmon: She's obstinate, immune to reason, and totally in the way.

[Bud was just cleared of the dereliction charge]
Lt. Bud Roberts,: You remember when you said you would "kick my ass". Well, good job. Would you care to join us, Lieutenant?
Lt. Loren Singer: [perturbed] How do you do that?
Lt. Harriet Sims: You'd need a *heart transplant* to understand that, ma'am.

SecNav: [talking to Col. Cresswell] You know, for a guy who barely speaks, you've got a canny way of getting your point across.

[upon learning Cdr. Lindsey would be assisting the prosecution during Chegwidden's Admiral's Mast]
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: How could such a *mediocre officer* become such a thorn in my side?

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner: You asked me before to conceal the fact that you lied about being a Jew during the Mars case, and I've decided to do so. You have nothing to worry about.
Lt. Loren Singer: I appreciate it, sir.
Cmdr. Sturgis Turner: You are now Jewish as far as I'm concerned, as long as you act accordingly.
Lt. Loren Singer: What, you're going to hold me to it, sir?
Cmdr. Sturgis Turner: Every chance I get.
Lt. Loren Singer: Whatever turns you on, sir.
Cmdr. Sturgis Turner: [indicating his going-away gift to Loren] Go ahead, open it. It's called a mezuzah. It goes on the outside of your quarters.
Lt. Loren Singer: You're serious about this, Commander?
Cmdr. Sturgis Turner: [smiling] Wait until Chanukah.

Master Sgt. Manny O'Bregon: Watch where you're going, sweetheart!
Edward: Don't flatter yourself. You're not my type.

Catherine: I like getting to know other attorneys outside the courtroom. The deep ones drop the mask and reveal who they really are.
Harm: And what am I revealing?
Catherine: An inability to drop the mask.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: With any other judge, I'd have won this case days ago.
Lt. Col. Sarah MacKenzie: I'm sorry I'm not complying with your schedule.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Every time I work in an advantage, you slap me down.
Lt. Col. Sarah MacKenzie: Because you ask for it.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: You're relentless, you know that?
Lt. Col. Sarah MacKenzie: Hmm. So I've heard. I'm the hanging judge. The source of all your problems, right?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: That's right. But... though it pains me to admit, you're good. You don't let me get away with the stuff I pull on other judges. You really do know my playbook. Most of all, though, Mac... you know the law. And I hate you for it.
Lt. Col. Sarah MacKenzie: I'll take that as a compliment.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Good. Just remember this magnanimity when I'm on the bench, okay?

Kylie: So, did he kiss her?
Older: I don't believe he did on that occasion.
Kylie: Well, why not?
Older: Nurses made us feel safe. They stepped in where mothers and sisters, wives and sweethearts couldn't be. And they hid their own fears so well that... they seemed invincible. And no man wanted to ruin that. Even for a kiss.

Lt. Harriet Sims: Sir, Bud told me about the conversation you had with him.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: 'Fraid that your marriage can't withstand the separation?
Lt. Harriet Sims: No, sir.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Your husband will cheat on you?
Lt. Harriet Sims: Never, sir; I would kill him.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: H'mm, fear of extreme bodily harm has always been an excellent incentive for fidelity.

Lt. Bud Roberts,: [after talking to Kevin Lee] Commanders, I never appreciated how good you were at playing good cop/bad cop.
Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby,73777: Who's playing?

Special: Garcia sold American military hardware to a known terrorist. I doubt he's having dinner with the Vienna Boys Choir.

Harm: You okay?
Mac: Every time I think I've put the pieces of my life back together somebody comes along and jumbles them back up. Every body who has ever meant anything to me is leaving my life.
Harm: You'll be okay, Mac. You'll get to see Chloe again. One day you'll have kid of your own.
Mac: Yeah that's right. My biological clock is going off and I keep hitting the snooze button.
Harm: Tell you what... five years from this moment if neither of us is in a relationship, we'll go have ourselves a kid.
Mac: You and me? Have a baby together?
Harm: Yeah, with your looks and my brains... he'll be... perfect.
Mac: And what if she has your looks and my brain?
Harm: That could work too. So what do you say? Deal?
Mac: Don't make a promise you can't keep.
Harm: I haven't yet.
[Mac and Harm shake hands]

Lt. Bud Roberts,: Sir, is that Col. MacKenzie topless?
[Both him and Rabb turn around with looks of shock going across their faces]

Special: As you know, your cover was found near the scene of the crime.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: You want to know how it got there.
Special: We know. It was planted.
Major: Looks like you may be off the hook, Commander.
Special: We did some checking into Lieutenant Singer's love life. She was seen having dinner and drinks with a sandy-haired man.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: My brother, at Benzinger's bar.
Special: No, no, no. This guy was older. And they never met at Benzinger's.
Special: Checked the JAG security log. We got a suspect. We just need to know if he had the opportunity.
[Tony hands Rabb a photograph; flashback of Commander Lindsey taking Rabb's cover]
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: That son of a bitch. He did it right in front of me.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Commander, you may have to amend your report. This just went from dereliction of duty to negligent homicide.

P.O. Jennifer Coates: I had my back to him when I heard the explosion. When I got to him, he was covered with blood, and his right leg was gone. I put on a tourniquet, but it wouldn't stop bleeding. All I could do was get him out to the helo as fast as possible.
Mac: Well, it sounds like you saved his life, petty officer.
P.O. Jennifer Coates: Not if he doesn't make it.
Harm: He'll make it. He'll make it.

Special: So what did you have to do? Beg the Admiral to let you back in? Or did he just pin another medal on your chest?
Harmon 'Harm' Rabb Jr.: I'm out.
Special: [turns to Mac in disbelief, then faces Harm] Wow!

NCIS: Well, we're going to let the Admiral play the good cop... for about seven minutes.

[last lines]
Admiral: My time's past, Harm. It's your time now... thank you.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: [Shakes hands then stands at attention] Sir.

Cmdr. Ted Lindsey: [after going on a tirade, Lindsey grabs Mac roughly, then lets her go] I'm sorry.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: You touch me like that again and you WILL be.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: You work with the guy, Mac, you wouldn't go topless in front of me would you?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: [pause] Is that a request?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: [pause] You know they wrote "Eternity" on this bridge... in lights... on New Year's Eve.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Is that how long we're going to wait?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Mac...
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: We're not in Washington. We're not even on the same continent!
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Location doesn't change who we are.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Most men would disagree with you.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: I know. I disagree with me sometimes too.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: But you still can't let go?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Not yet.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: You're just this way with me, aren't you?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: [nods] Yeah... Only with you.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: [pause] I suppose I should be flattered.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: You should, Sarah.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Mr. Atef, what happened on September 11 was reprehensible. But our way of life entitles you to a fair trial, no matter how cowardly the act.
Mustafa: A wise precaution for a nation so morally corrupt. Want to know what I say about September 11? Every single person who died that day got exactly what they deserved.

Major: Last time I did this I was 18... and drunk.
Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Last time I did it, I was 24 and sober; same results. Learn from your mistakes and move on, right?
Major: Ah, sir, you've, uh, never remarried.
Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Oh, I'm talking about you. Good Lord! Don't use ME as a barometer, for ANYTHING!

[as Krohn is being released from jail, Palmer is being escorted back to Leavenworth]
Clark: [referring to Father O'Rourke, Krohn and Rabb] Well, well, well. If it isn't the Father, the Son and the Holier-than-thou Attorney!
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Keep talking, Palmer. This latest round of charges should add a couple of more DECADES on to *your* sentence.
Clark: Maybe I can get Charvis here to testify as a character witness. I mean, you're all about forgiving everybody.
Sergeant: *God* forgives, Clark. But I think even *he* will make an exception in your case.

[Mac is asking for something to help her insomnia]
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: You have no intention of writing me that prescription, do you?
Lt. Cmdr. Vera McCool: No, Colonel. I would have if you hadn't revealed your alcoholism. I won't, as a rule, prescribe medication to those with a history of substance abuse.

[Kevin Lee is talking to the press with a mock Aussie accent]
Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby: Listen to his accent. He's a bloody thespian.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: They seem to like it.
Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby: Press can't save him. Harm's only delayed the inevitable.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: I wouldn't be too sure, Mic.
Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby: Who are you rooting for, Mac?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: It's not a soccer match, Mic.
Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby: You're right. It's a bloody pub fight.

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell: I just got off the phone with the Fairfax County Commonwealth Attorney's Office. Care to venture a guess about who we talked about?
Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts: Me, sir?
Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell: You, sir. He informed me the Commonwealth of Virginia is charging you with assault.
Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts: So I've heard, sir.
Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell: So you've heard? Were you ever going to tell me?
Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts: I didn't want to burden you with my personal problems, General.
Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell: A JAG officer brawling in public is not a "personal problem", Commander Roberts. When he's in uniform under my command, it's my problem. Did you know about this?
Cmdr. Sturgis Turner: No, sir.
Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell: Did you attack this civilian?
Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts: Yes and no, sir. Uh, he attacked my brother with a shoe, and I was trying...
Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell: A-a shoe?
Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts: Yes, sir, a-a-a heavy shoe: a wing-tipped Oxford.
Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell: Why?
Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts: The gentleman had said some disparaging remarks about the military. My brother Mikey's a midshipman at the Academy. He took offense, heated words were exchanged, and...
Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell: So you hit a wing-tip wielding history teacher because he insulted the Navy?
Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts: Well, not just the Navy, sir. The Marine Corps, as well.
Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell: Are you trying to manipulate me, Commander?
Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts: No, sir.
Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell: If you're convicted, your naval career is over. You know that.
Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts: I expect to be acquitted, sir.
Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell: [to Sturgis] You're a member of the Virginia Bar, Commander. You'll volunteer as defense counsel.
Cmdr. Sturgis Turner: Aye aye, sir.
Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell: Make this go away.
Cmdr. Sturgis Turner: Do my best, sir.
Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell: After the civilians are done with you, Commander Roberts, it'll be my turn.

Mac: What do you want?
Harm: I want a lot of things.
Mac: What do you want the most?
Harm: The thing I want most... is to never lose you.

Lt. Bud Roberts,: Why would he ask for us, and not the Colonel?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Because he's one smart Dingo.

Lt. Cmdr. Jordan 'Jordi' Parker: So you weren't losing it after all.
Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: I guess I don't need therapy, huh?
Lt. Cmdr. Jordan 'Jordi' Parker: Oooh, that's too bad, 'cause I think you would have liked the therapy I had in mind.

[after Bud provides Harm with a vital clue to his case]
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: There is a God, Bud. You know how I know?
Lt. Bud Roberts,: How, sir?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: 'Cause he only took your leg. He didn't take your head.

Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: You WARNED Teresa Marcello that she was under sattelite surveillance Decker!
Special: What the HELL's going on, George?
George: Look I told you I'm in charge of the Fawkes situation. Now let it go before some gets killed!
Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: [AJ slams Decker against the wall] I'll tell you someone is gonna DIE in about 10 seconds if they don't come up with some answers!

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: I don't know who fathered Lieutenant Singer's baby, and I don't know who murdered her. So what else, Gibbs?
NCIS: What'd your investigation show?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Hey, you were there. The admiral ordered me to stay out of this.
NCIS: Oh, I'm referring to the investigation you gave Commander Manetti to do on Lieutenant Singer's love life, prior to her deployment.
Special: [in the observation room with Vivian] Oops.
Special: Yeah, "oops" is right. Without reading him his rights, we're gonna lose all this stuff in court.
Special: No, no, no. We got this stuff, Viv. Gibbs is setting Rabb up.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Well, Colonel MacKenzie's investigation into Lieutenant Singer's pregnancy wasn't going well. Mac and I are old friends, I thought I'd help.
NCIS: Reasonable answer.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Yeah, the truth usually is.
NCIS: So, you wouldn't mind giving us a DNA sample?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: For what purpose?
NCIS: Paternity test.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: I didn't even *like* Lieutenant Singer!
NCIS: I wouldn't say that during a murder investigation.

Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: [finding out if Webb has killed anyone] I'm not talking about missions where people have died. I'm talking about face-to-face.
Special: Once. He recovered.
Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Were you trying to kill him?
Special: Yes.
Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: That's okay, I just have to worry about your bad aim.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Tiner, where's the change of orders for the Seahawk JAG?
P.O. Jason Tiner: I don't have it yet, sir.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Y-you don't have the paperwork, or you don't know who stayed?
P.O. Jason Tiner: It's not Commander Turner, sir. He called, he's on his way back.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Alone?
P.O. Jason Tiner: That's my understanding, sir.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Damn it, I'll skin them.
P.O. Jason Tiner: Sir, Commander Turner said Colonel MacKenzie and Commander Rabb couldn't decide which one should take the JAG billet.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: So they both stayed.
P.O. Jason Tiner: Yes, sir.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Draw up charges for disobeying a direct order.
P.O. Jason Tiner: [confused] Sir?
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: You want to join them, Tiner?
P.O. Jason Tiner: No, sir!
[Tiner turns to exit, but stops]
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: What?
P.O. Jason Tiner: Sir, which one do I charge?
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Both of them!

Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: How do you people expect any loyalty?
Special: Abandonment is the price we pay for getting caught.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Would you have slapped that kid?
Admiral: No, I'd have slugged him.

Diamond: They do last forever...

[last lines]
Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell: I'd like to table our regular order of business. There's been a new development. With the, uh, CNO and commandant's blessing, SECNAV is standing up a prototype Joint Legal Service Center. Navy and Marine lawyers in the field under one command. Colonel MacKenzie... you've been selected for command of that unit. Your orders.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Sir, I... I don't know what to say.
Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell: It's Joint Legal Service Center Southwest. You'll be stationed in San Diego.
Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell: San Diego, sir?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Well, it's, uh, only five hours away.
Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell: Wouldn't make my vacation plans just yet, Commander. Hope you like Yorkshire pudding.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Force Judge Advocate, Naval Forces Europe?
Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell: You'll be stationed in London. You have two days' travel, four days' proceed. By the way, it's a captain's billet. The 0-6 board just reported out. Frocking's been authorized. Congratulations, Captain Rabb.

Bud: [Giving the Admiral psychological advice about teenage girls] Well, reason is as useful as a square tennis ball, sir.

Harm: [On board the USS Guadalcanal waiting for the outcome of Bud's surgery] Just once I'd like you not to have a comeback.
Mac: I don't have one to Bud's dying.

[Mac just saved a corporal, who is guilty of rape, from an angry mob]
Cpl. Lassiter: Thank you, Colonel.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: [with disgust] I don't want your thanks, Corporal! You're a DISGRACE to that uniform!
Gunnery Sgt. Victor 'Gunny' Galindez: [to the Marine guards] Get him out of here!

P.O. Jason Tiner: Lieutenant Singer, your itinerary, ma'am.
Lt. Loren Singer: Thank you, Tiner.
[Tiner stands at ease expectantly]
Lt. Loren Singer: Something else?
P.O. Jason Tiner: Wanted to congratulate you, ma'am. You'll do well on the Seahawk.
Lt. Loren Singer: Yes, I will.
P.O. Jason Tiner: Anything further I can do to expedite your departure, ma'am?
Lt. Loren Singer: Are you being friendly or eager?

Lt. Loren Singer: [Talking about Lt Roberts] I bust my butt and he baby-sits his kid.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Nothing wrong with being a family-man, Lieutenant.
Lt. Loren Singer: Or playing your family for all they're worth, sir.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Bud doesn't play his family, Lieutenant.
Lt. Loren Singer: [sighs in exasperation] Maybe I should get a dog.
[walks away]
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: [Mac and Rabb pause a second, then simultaneously] Pit-Bull!
[They share a look of amusement and both chuckle]

[seeing his men with the USO girls]
Capt. Neilsen: If they fought the Communists as hard as they are trying to get into these girls' pants, this war would have been over long ago.
Les: We should loan out Dixie and Jo Jo to the South Vietnamese. They've got a great defense.

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby: I must remember this new defense strategy, Skates. Tell the members to go to Hell.
Commander Harmon 'Harm' Rabb Jr.: It only works if you're innocent, Mic.

Commander: [after another vision of Mac] I'm losing my mind.

Lt. Cmdr. Faith Coleman: What happened that night at Benzinger's bar?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: I met with Lieutenant Singer. We argued. She left, I followed her outside, we argued some more in her car.
Lt. Cmdr. Faith Coleman: And was that when you phoned your brother using your cell phone?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Yeah, I wanted to be there when she told him it wasn't his baby. I wanted to look into her eyes.
Lt. Cmdr. Faith Coleman: Because you didn't believe her.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: I rarely believed anything Lieutenant Singer said.
Lt. Cmdr. Faith Coleman: I read your interview with Gibbs. Why didn't you tell him your story?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: I was protecting my brother.
Lt. Cmdr. Faith Coleman: Fine, but when they told you that the murder happened in January and not six weeks ago, you knew your brother couldn't be involved, so why not cooperate then?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Because by then I looked guilty. And I decided to trust Navy justice instead of Navy cops.
[Coleman sighs]
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Look, there are enough holes in this case to raise reasonable doubt.
Lt. Cmdr. Faith Coleman: There's also enough evidence to tie you to the murders and a string of witnesses, your colleagues, will testify to angry words between you and Lieutenant Singer right up to the time of her death.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Well, it could be worse, I guess.
Lt. Cmdr. Faith Coleman: How?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: I could not have an alibi.
Lt. Cmdr. Faith Coleman: You have an alibi?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: No.

Major: [Brumby's leaving the country] He can't get past this thing with us.
Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Maybe because *we* can't.

Lt. Bud Roberts,: [Bud's speaking with a broken jaw] I don't know why the Admiral ordered you to fight.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: I don't think it took too much forcing, Bud.
Lt. Bud Roberts,: With all due respect, ma'am, it's your fault. They were fighting over you.
[Mac nervously chuckles]
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: What'd he say?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: That, uh, you deserved what you got.
[Mac walks away]
Lt. Bud Roberts,: That's not what I said, sir.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Relax, Bud. I know you didn't say that. Whatever it was, you struck a nerve.

Lt. Loren Singer: You'll find my report quite thorough, sir.
Captain: I'm not disputing your attention to detail, Lieutenant Singer. I just happen to disagree with your findings.
Lt. Loren Singer: A man was killed when that arresting wire snapped, sir. Another was seriously injured.
Captain: Are you under the impression, lieutenant, that this is the first time a tragedy like this has befallen a carrier during flight operations?
Lt. Loren Singer: No, sir. I just want to know why it happened on *this* carrier.
Captain: You know why.
Lt. Loren Singer: The boatswain's mates were collecting foreign object debris. A broken piece of launching rail that should have been removed prior to the landing of the second F-18. An arresting wire that shouldn't have broken snapped while trapping a plane that should have been waved off.
Captain: In a perfect world, Lieutenant Singer, every piece of FOD would be removed prior to the next landing. Every trap would be like clockwork, and no one but the enemy would experience casualties. But we do not live in that world. Had those boatswain's mates not acted, you'd be investigating the loss of an aircraft now and God knows how many fatalities.
Lt. Loren Singer: I am aware of that, sir.
Captain: You want to cut to the chase, then? Save me some reading? What is it you're after?
Lt. Loren Singer: For one thing, I want to court martial all the personnel that had a hand in putting those men in that position in the first place.
Captain: [waving Singer closer] You have *got* to be kidding?
Lt. Loren Singer: I assure you, sir, I'm quite serious.
Captain: Who exactly are we talking about here?
Lt. Loren Singer: Your landing signal officer, sir. Your air boss, the arresting gear department chief, the LSO's assistant, the arresting gear operator petty officer, the pri-fly lens operator, the...
Captain: [interrupting] That's enough. Thank you, lieutenant.
Lt. Loren Singer: I gave due consideration to these recommendations, sir.
Captain: I said that's enough.
Lt. Loren Singer: [standing at attention] Aye, aye, sir.

Lt. Loren Singer: [Gunny is about to lose his temper with Mikey Roberts] Gunny, look at your sister. Now look at Petty Officer Roberts. Same league?
Gunnery Sgt. Victor 'Gunny' Galindez: [calms down] No, ma'am.
[smirks]

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Commander O'Neil?
Beth: Commander Rabb.
[they shake hands]
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: How long have you...
Beth: What? Been working for the spooks? Pretty much since you got me cleared on the harassment charge. The navy just didn't feel like home to me after that. So, uh, what made you jump ship, Commander?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Uh, it's Harm.
Beth: Beth.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Guess I pushed my CO's patience a little too far this time.
Beth: You were asked to leave?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: No, I left voluntarily. I, uh, was asked not to return.

Mac: He, uh, finally told you he's not going?
Harm: Well, you know, once Harriette makes up his mind. That's pretty much it.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: What do you have do to get a plaque?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: It's for good behavior. So you don't have to worry about it.

Special: You're going back to the FBI.
Special: What?
Special: To get whatever they have on bin Atwa.
Special: Right.
Special: Also want transcripts of all previous Al-Jihad interrogations mentioning his name or Mohommed's.
Special: That'll take weeks!
Special: You got two days. If you can't get it done by then, don't bother coming back.

Mac: Men come and go, they lose their hair, their looks, but diamonds stay hard forever.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [after allowing Mac to escort the body to Australia] God! I'd like to be in Australia to watch this one unfold.
Gunnery Sgt. Victor 'Gunny' Galindez: Sounds like a slam dunk conviction, sir.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Oh, hell! I'm not talking about the trial.
[laughs heartily]

Young Lt. Ron Graham: I'm a mustang, you know. I was ten years enlisted 'fore my unit went to Guam. I was the last man standing so they made me an officer. I'm not used to having to write home to tell folks that I got their sons killed.
Capt. Chesborough: You know, Lieutenant, I've always believed in the Hand of God as the controlling force in this world. Don't I feel like an ass to find out that it's a Marine?

Mac: Marines don't duck, we take cover.

Dora: My mother said "Only good parents have doubts. It's the ones who think they know it all, never learn a thing."

P.O. Jennifer Coates: Well, wwe are a divided country, sir.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Fortunately, we Americans have one thing in common.
P.O. Jennifer Coates: Bad traffic?
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Baseball.
P.O. Jennifer Coates: Actually, sir, I'm not much of a fan.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [sighs] I've fired people for less, Coates.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Colonel, will you stop interrupting me? You're worse than Coates!

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [Chegwidden is delivering the baby] Hey, his head's out! You wanna feel it?
Lt. Harriet Sims: NO!

Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Senor Amati, many people have tried to kill me one time or another. They're mostly dead. So there's a good chance that your brother-in-law will join them if he does come after me... Does he have other sons?
Enrico: Uno.
Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: When he comes... I'll regrettably kill him too... And after him?
Enrico: My sister will expect me to uphold the honor of mi familia.
Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Then I'll have to kill you. I don't want to have to do that.
Enrico: [in Italian] You're either a very *bold* man, or crazy!
Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: [In Italian] Not crazy. Practical.
[In English]
Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: A killing between us does not embarrass the Camorra.
Enrico: Very true.

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts,: So, the dolphin did come back?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Apparently.
Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts,: What's going to be the charge?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Sturgis hasn't decided yet.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Hasn't decided what?
Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts,: Oh, sir. You've got to hear this. It's ridiculous.
[off Mac's look]
Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts,: In a serious sort of way, sir.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: I'm representing Seaman Apprentice Charles Bander. He released two Navy dolphins from a marine mammal deployment center.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Why?
Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts,: They think he did it on porpoise, sir.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: He felt he owed them a debt.
Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts,: You know, kind of a squid pro quo, sir.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: He was caught by one of the trainers in the dolphins' pen with a bucket of fish.
Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts,: Red herring, probably. You know, trying to avoid pursuit.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: One more fish joke, and I'll have you filleted.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: What happened to the dolphins?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Well, they, uh, came back on their own.
Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts,: What would you charge him with, sir?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Well, there's, uh, Article 96: Releasing a prisoner without authorization.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: You enjoying yourselves?
Lt. Gregory Vukovic: [entering] Room for one more?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Yeah, if you promise no fish jokes.
Lt. Gregory Vukovic: Oh, not even one, just for the halibut?

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [after Col. MacKenzie asks Adm. Chegwidden to convince her that Cmdr. Rabb is still alive] Colonel, the Commander is too damned pigheaded to leave this world. He will find a way out.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Even if they offer him wings, sir?

Lt. Bud Roberts,: [about an old case Harriet is looking through, in which she thinks the accused is innocent] Look, Harriet, you have discovered a criminal who has acted out of character. Big surprise.
[chuckles]
Lt. Bud Roberts,: What are you going to do, re-open up the case? I mean, come on, Harriet. You're no Erin Brokovich.
[Harriet looks shocked and she slaps the folder down on the desk]
Lt. Bud Roberts,: That didn't come out the way that I wanted it to.

Lt. Bud Roberts,: Colonel, Commander.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Bud, what's wrong?
Lt. Bud Roberts,: Little A.J. He's missing.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: What?
Lt. Bud Roberts,: Mikey took him to the mall, and he disappeared.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Well, how long has it been?
Lt. Bud Roberts,: About eight hours.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: I'm sure he'll turn up.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Do you want to fly home?
Lt. Bud Roberts,: I don't know, sir. I... I don't want to desert you. You have the Secretary-General testifying tomorrow...
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Just leave us all your research material. We'll manage.
Lt. Bud Roberts,: [close to tears] They'll find him by the time that I get home, right?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Of course they will.
Lt. Bud Roberts,: And if they don't, and he...
[Bud stops, and composes himself]
Lt. Bud Roberts,: Permission to return home, sir.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Permission granted.
Lt. Bud Roberts,: Thank you, sir.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Call us.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Good luck, Bud.

[Harm and Mac have just escaped from a land mine]
Harm: How did you know that would work?
Mac: I saw it in a movie.
Harm: WHAT? You just trusted our lives to something you saw in a movie?

Lt: I never miss a chance to shut up, and this seems like a dandy time.

Mike: [smitten with a girl he accidentally bumped into] Man, Gunny, if I had a girl like that...
Gunnery Sgt. Victor 'Gunny' Galindez: What would you do?
Mike: I'd, uh... you know.
Gunnery Sgt. Victor 'Gunny' Galindez: Mm-hmm.
Valerie: Hey, Victor!
Gunnery Sgt. Victor 'Gunny' Galindez: Hey, Val! All right!
Mike: I'm sorry, Gunny. I didn't know she was your girlfriend.
Gunnery Sgt. Victor 'Gunny' Galindez: She's not.
[sternly]
Gunnery Sgt. Victor 'Gunny' Galindez: She's my sister.

NCIS: Kid puts an arrow in a corpse. That's a new one.
Special: Just a variation.
[Tony chuckles]
Special: I remember we found this old guy. Died watching TV. We found him sitting in the La-Z-Boy, stiff as a board, with a Bud in his hand.
Special: Oh, please. Not another Baltimore homicide story.
Special: Looks like a natural death, but we got to wait for the M.E. to confirm it, right? So, it's dinnertime. My partner and I are starving, so we tell the beat rookie to keep an eye on the stiff. Rookie's never been alone with a body. Well, suddenly, the body goes out of rigor, slumps. The air trapped in the lungs is forced through the voice box, and the corpse *moans*.
Special: Stop it!
Special: Rookie freaks, empties his service revolver into the body.
NCIS: You know what I think, DiNozzo?
Special: Don't say it's an urban myth, man, 'cause I was there.
NCIS: I think... you were the rookie.
Special: [dryly] That's funny, Gibbs. Funny. Wrong, but funny.

Lt. Curtis Rivers: If you want to assist me with the legal mumbo-jumbo, I wouldn't kick you out of court.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Sit second chair to you?
Lt. Curtis Rivers: Couldn't lose, Commander. I have a fool as a client and a washed up pilot as co-counsel. I'm not worried about this.

Lt. Elizabeth 'Skates' Hawkes: ...he was telling me about this ageing retread...
Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Ageing retread?

[a polygamist's wives are asking Mac to drop the charges against him]
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Did you put them up to that?
Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts,: I wish I 'd thought of it!

Albert: Colonel, take the Gunney with you.
Sarah: I can take care of myself, Admiral.
Albert: Oh, I know it's the marines aboard the Guadalcanal I want to protect.

[Krohn is having a vision of an ambush arranged by Palmer]
Clark: What's the matter? Havin' trouble figuring it out, God-boy?
Sergeant: You never saw the Padre, did you?
Clark: Of course I did! He was a big fat guy, red suit, white beard, sack full of toys. Oh, wait a minute. That was SANTA CLAUS!
[diabolical laughter]

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: [speaking on intercom] Hello, Jordan, hello...
Clark: She's tied up right now.
[to Jordan, his bound and gagged victim]
Clark: Sorry, couldn't resist. I always wanted to say that.

Lt. Bud Roberts,: [thinking he's talking to Gunnery Sergeant Galindez] Oh, Gunny, it's wild down here. I haven't seen so many naked breasts since... since...
Lt. Harriet Sims: SINCE WHEN, BUD?
Lt. Bud Roberts,: [shocked] Harriet?

Mattie: [regarding who she's IMing] Yeah, it's Kevin. The boy I like.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Yeah, I know. Your
[biological]
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Dad told me.
Mattie: Great, now I have two Dads with loaded shotguns.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Actually mine's a nine millimetre, Navy issue. It's more accurate.

Lt. Harriet Sims: Have you NO SHAME?
Lt. Loren Singer: I don't know what you're talking about.
Lt. Harriet Sims: Gleefully celebrating my friends' misfortunes while coveting their offices!
Lt. Loren Singer: I said nothing of the sort.
Lt. Harriet Sims: Oh, you wouldn't you little coward!
Lt. Loren Singer: I am not a coward!
Lt. Harriet Sims: Oh yeah? Then how about we forget we're Lieutenants for five minutes? Just you and me.
[motioning Singer to a private office]
Lt. Loren Singer: And do what, exactly?
[they go into the office]
Lt. Harriet Sims: Take that, you BITCH!
[knocks Singer to the floor]

Mattie: [to Rabb] Hey, Harm! Is this bald guy the jerk that fired you?
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: I didn't exactly fire him. I just didn't ask him back.
Mattie: Around here, that's called fired.

SecNav: I don't see how I can help you, gentlemen.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Sir, there has been a serious miscarriage of justice.
SecNav: Allegedly.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Almost certainly, Mr. Secretary.
SecNav: At this point in time, only the president has the authority to order a retrial.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Sir, you could suspend the remainder of Mr. Wainwright's sentence.
SecNav: But there's another recourse. File a writ of habeas corpus on the grounds that Wainwright's constitutional rights were denied due to a Brady violation.
Cmdr. Sturgis Turner: We considered that, sir. But it could take months for the federal district court to hear the arguments and issue a decision.
SecNav: I suggest keeping the president out of this.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: I'm aware that Congressman Bolton represents your home state, sir.
SecNav: And if he's guilty of misconduct, he's going to answer for it. But we can't afford to go after him, not now.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Don't you mean not ever, sir?
SecNav: Watch your tone, Commander. Congressman Bolton is a ranking member of the House Armed Services Committee. And he's spearheading the opposition to the Navy's low-frequency active sonar project. If we go after him now, it smacks of retaliation.
Cmdr. Sturgis Turner: Politics.
SecNav: Damn right, politics. The president's under a magnifying glass. He can't give his enemies anything to use against him. Maybe next year.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Mr. Secretary, former Seaman Wainwright has spent the last twenty-two years of his life in prison for a crime he didn't commit, sir. Every day he remains there is an affront. He can't afford to wait until next year, sir.

Capt. Roy Salveras: How did you know they were alive?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: We *didn't*, sir.
Capt. Roy Salveras: But you were so confident.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: I suppose it comes with our experience with the Commander.
Capt. Roy Salveras: You're a tenacious man, is that it Commander?
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Ever try to get gum off the sole of your shoe.

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby: Very Nice! The bikini, that is.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Yeah, I knew that's what you meant.
Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby: Yeah, but you're in Australia, Mac. Wear an Aussie bikini.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: I'm afraid to ask.
Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby: Ah, no worries. It's a two piece, hat and a bottom.

P.O. Jennifer Coates: [giving Harm a holiday kiss on the cheek] Can they throw me in the brig for that?
Harm: Yes.
P.O. Jennifer Coates: [smiling] It was worth it.

[singer is visiting Harriet at home]
Little A.J. Roberts: [seeing Singer at the door] Mommy, is that the Wicked Witch?
Lt. Harriet Sims: [to Singer, embarrassed] Uh, we were just watching the Wizard of Oz.

Capt. Roy Salveras: [after P.O. DeMara and Cmdr. Rabb are rescued from the flooding brig, with DeMara admitting to contraband purchase but exonerated for murder] P.O. DeMara, wait for me in my office. You're not out of the woods, yet.
Petty: As long as I am out of the water, sir...

Admiral: You see Jennifer Lopez twice a year?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Every time I get my teeth cleaned. She's my dental hygienist.

Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell: Any word from Commander Rabb?
Lt. Col. Sarah MacKenzie: No, sir. I've tried to reach him several times, but I keep getting voice mail.
Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell: I understand this young girl is like a daughter to him. Tell him to take all the time he needs.

Older: After the war, I married one of the other nurses.

Cmdr. Amy Helfman: Counsel -- and that seems to include the defendant. Please approach.
[Harm, Mac, and Rivers approach the bench]
Cmdr. Amy Helfman: Lieutentant Rivers do you think Commander Rabb could perform the duties of a Navy Seal?
Lt. Curtis Rivers: Maybe on weekends, Ma'am.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Come by my office when you're done here.
Lt. Cmdr. Teresa Coulter: I *am* done.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: [looks back in the courtroom then turns back to Coulter] Think about it.
[leaves]
Lt. Cmdr. Teresa Coulter: You forgave your father?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Yes.
Lt. Cmdr. Teresa Coulter: Was it hard?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: It took me a while.
Lt. Cmdr. Teresa Coulter: What did you say to him?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Nothing. He was in a coma by the time I was ready.
[Coulter goes into the court room and approaches her father]
Lt. Cmdr. Teresa Coulter: Hi.
Capt. Thomas Chaddock: Hi.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: [Mac thinks Brumby's trying to lure her to Austrailia] He's behind this!
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: No he's not. He asked for Rabb and Roberts.

Harm: Thought you had orders to stay away from me.
Special: Well, that was before you went into open court to get that subpoena. Now my boss is afraid you'll go running to the press.
Harm: Not a bad idea. Might get the attention of the President. He may wonder why the CIA has nothing better to do than to keep a secret that's 34 years old.
Special: Don't do it, Rabb. Either way it turns out, you lose.
Harm: This isn't about me, Clay. And it's not about need to know, either. It's about real people with a hole in their lives that can't be filled with anything other than the truth. They need to know, because if they don't, it'll keep eating away at them. They need to know that they're not going to wake up in the middle of the night, every night, for the rest of their lives, wondering what happened to the people they loved.
Special: Some people give up that right to know. Maybe not voluntarily, maybe it's taken away from them, but it's gone, nonetheless. That's the way it is for the families of the stars on this wall.
Harm: Yeah. Well, at least they have a star. Where are the stars for the crew of the Angel Shark?

Commander: [Rene breaks up with Rabb] It's not your fault.
Rene: I know. I'm a catch!

Lt. Cmdr. Tracy Manetti: I try never to miss an opportunity to shut up and this seems like a dandy time.

Harm: [Harm's cell phone rings] Hello? Yeah. Harriett, it's for you.
[hands her the cell phone]
Lt. Harriet Sims: Me? Hello. BUD WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts: Tell me about the relationship between you and the commander. What is he to you?
Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: He's my sailing instructor.
Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts: I think he's a father figure.
Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: I have a father.
Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts: That's being generous.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Lieutenant Singer is a competent investigator, Captain. She's just a little too eager to prove it sometimes.
Captain: I wouldn't disagree, sir.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Don, anytime you want *this* job...
Donald J. Guter: A.J. you couldn't *pay me* enough to be the Judge Advocate General.
[Chegwidden laughs]

Lt. 'X: Ask the Commander, he'll tell you ma'am.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie: Tell me what?
Lt. 'X: What I did, why I did it. He understands, I told him what happened.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie: You told him everything?
Lt. 'X: Yes, ma'am.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie: Well then, you just added him to my witness list.
Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Wait a minute...
Lt. 'X: You can't do that!
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie: Actually, I can.
Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Yes, she can, but she really doesn't want to.
Lt. 'X: Because Commander Rabb, is my *lawyer*.
Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: WHAT?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie: I thought you quit JAG?
Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: I did quit JAG! I can't be your lawyer!
Lt. 'X: You already are, sir. I told you things confidentidentially, and you gave me legal advice?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie: He did? YOU DID!
Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Uh, well uh, maybe a little.
Lt. 'X: You're my man, Pappy.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie: Well, PAPPY, I'll be seeing you in court!

[after A.J.'s marriage proposal to Meredith fails]
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Do you have any idea how embarrassed I was? She paid it! She paid the damn check! You told me you set it up! That they knew what was going on! It took me half an hour to-to-to trace the ring down. Some damn dishwasher was trying it on!
P.O. Jason Tiner: I am so sorry...
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Sorry, my ass! Listen, numbnuts, you stay out of it! You...
P.O. Jason Tiner: I'm sorry, Admiral. Next time...
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: No, hell no, there's no next time! You stay out of it. You just stay out of it! I'll take care of it myself!
P.O. Jason Tiner: Sir...
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Dismissed!
P.O. Jason Tiner: Aye, aye, sir.

NCIS: [Blackadder is applying Vicks Vapor Rub under her nose to disguise the smell of the corpse]
[to Blackadder]
NCIS: All you're gonna smell is a dead gal with a chest cold.

[Cdr. Lindsey has requested to return to JAG]
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [with mild sarcasm] If I *ever* need someone like *you* on my staff, you'll be the first one I call.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: [about Singer's cross-examination of Harriet] What the hell were you doing in there?
Lt. Loren Singer: Discrediting the witness, sir.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: You attack her testimony to put doubt in the members' mind, Lieutenant. You attack her, you look like a bully.
Lt. Loren Singer: They saw she wasn't objective.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: They saw a lawyer attacking a woman who lost her baby.
Lt. Loren Singer: That was my point, sir.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: You brought her to tears, Lieutenant. You made her sympathetic.
Lt. Loren Singer: The members knew what I was doing, sir.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Two of the members are women who have children.
Lt. Loren Singer: She was a strong witness, sir. I decided it was a risk worth taking.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Well that's not your decision to make, is it? Where'd you get this dream stuff from, anyway?
Lt. Loren Singer: Harriet told petty officer Tiner. He told me this morning.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: I should have been informed.
Lt. Loren Singer: Would you have used it, sir?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Not the way you did. You hurt us in there, Lieutenant.
Lt. Loren Singer: I thought it was our best shot, sir.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Our best shot comes this afternoon when we present our case. I'll be conducting both the direct and the cross.
Lt. Loren Singer: Are you implying I'm a bad lawyer, sir?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Just inexperienced, Lieutenant, and without wisdom.
Lt. Loren Singer: Permission to speak freely, sir.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Denied. That'll be all.

Sarah: [to Harm] I never noticed this but you have a way of just taking the joy out of everything.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Well, Commander, I checked the police blotter and didn't see your name, so you must've behaved.
[to Mac]
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Why does he listen to *you* and not *me*?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Just lucky I guess.

[CAG is trying to hit on Diana Ross, with no success]
CAG: You know, I was a big supporter of the Reverend Martin Luther King?
[she looks at him with disgust]
CAG: Honest.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: [as she's storing some sperm in Bud and Harriet's fridge] I do want to have children.
Lt. Harriet Sims: Hey, women do it all the time.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Oh, I guess I'll give the intact organisms a few more years.
Lt. Harriet Sims: Men?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Men.

Judge: Commander Brumby, do you have a positive identification of the body in question?
Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby: The remains have only recently been returned, your honor. And are undergoing navy dental identification as we speak.
Judge: A man is in the dock accused of murdering Seaman Dunsmore and you cannot legally prove the so-named is even dead?
Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby: I assure you, your honor, the body in question is Seaman Dunsmore!
Judge: Well that might be so in your mind, but that is *woefully* insufficient in *this* court! I don't want to see you again until you have a *proper* indictment!
Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby: Yes, your honor.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [finds Bud at JAG looking exhausted] You had the baby! No wonder you look like hell!
Lt: Sir, baby Sarah died.
[starts crying]

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [to Rabb and Brumby] At ease. Strip your blouses.
[after they've done so]
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Don't come out until you've admistered pain equal to what you inflicted on Lt. Roberts. THAT IS AN ORDER!
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Aye aye, sir.
Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby: Aye aye, sir.

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner: Alcohol and carbon monoxide in the blood, even in minute amounts, can hasten hypoxia, correct?
Lt. Sam Albrecht: Yes, sir.
Cmdr. Sturgis Turner: According to the tox screen, Commander Zuzello had a carbon monoxide level of eleven percent per carboxy-hemoglobin and a blood alcohol level of .009. Now, this is fine if you're driving a car, but in an F-14 with a compromised oxygen system...
Lt. Sam Albrecht: Commander Zuzello didn't do anything wrong, sir.
Cmdr. Sturgis Turner: Wrong, no, but for a man who nearly failed his hypoxia demo, smoking and drinking the night before a mission, wouldn't you consider this unwise, Lieutenant?
Lt. Sam Albrecht: It's easy to judge now, sir. It's also easy to blame someone who's not here to defend himself.

Lt. Harriet Sims: [Harm and Mac enter the Admiral's office after hearing a crash] He fainted!
P.O. Jason Tiner: No I didn't.
Lt. Harriet Sims: Like a school girl!

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: I just hope you're not working on one of Rivers' crazy schemes.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: You know me Mac.

Lt. Gregory Vukovic: How's your Hebrew?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: It's not as good as my Farsi, but it's passable. "The subject, Akay Anwar, born into a wealthy Indonesian family, educated in London, arrested by the Indonesian authorities in '93 on suspicion of subversive activities. Tortured. Charged with numerous acts of piracy. Only recently tied to Bali hotel bombing."
Lt. Gregory Vukovic: He's starting to bankroll terrorists. Did you see the manifest for the Pulau?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: It's on my list. Why?
Lt. Gregory Vukovic: Among other things, she's carrying 20,000 pounds of ammonium nitrate. Fertilizer.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Mixed with the fuel from their tanks...
Lt. Gregory Vukovic: It'll make the Oklahoma City bombing look like a firecracker.

P.O. Jennifer Coates: [a grim-faced Surgeon-Cmdr Ferraro has just left the sick bay and is looking at Harm, Mac and Jen] Don't you tell us he's dead. Don't you dare tell us that.

[Kevin had boasted about his scheme to evade punishment within earshot of Mac and Mic the night before]
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: You should have waited until *after* the court-martial to celebrate, Kevin. Though we can't try you for Murder One again, I am going to *nail* you for desertion during a time of war!
Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby: I hope you go for the death penalty, mate!
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Absolutely... mate.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Nah, you'll never get it, but life without parole's a slam dunk. Mr. Roberts, take this DESERTER on board!

Catherine: Clear?
Harm: Oh, yeah. I think I get it. We can't tell the court why it needs to be declassified because the reason it's classified is classified.
Catherine: You've got it.

Lt. Harriet Sims: I hope the ghost of Jacob Marley drops chains on your foot!

[Danny's actions have caused Chegwidden to lose his car and Dr. Walden]
Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: You screwed with me. I don't care about that so much, but you're preventing your mother from truly being happy and you ought to be *ashamed of yourself*!
Danny: Hey! She IS happy. And I'M happy! It's not our job to make YOU happy!
Danny: [as Chegwidden walks away] Enjoy the rental car.
Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [menacingly] I'll be sending you the bill... BOY!

[Harm has been fired]
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: This has Webb written all over it. So, I guess using you as a reference is out of the question, huh?
Allen: Anybody calls, they get the standard response.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: I never worked for the company, you never heard of me.

P.O. Jennifer Coates: [Urgently] Admiral, talk to him!
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Petty Officer, you're not going to make me sorry I made you my Yeoman, are you?
P.O. Jennifer Coates: I can't promise you that, sir.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Petty Officer, you are flirting with in...
P.O. Jennifer Coates: Insubordination, sir?
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Do you think I am incapable of finishing a...
P.O. Jennifer Coates: Sentence? Sorry, sir. bad habit.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: I do not want...
[the Admiral pauses deliberately to give Coates a chance to interrupt]
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: to hear what you have to say!
P.O. Jennifer Coates: Yes, sir.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Not one word!
P.O. Jennifer Coates: No, sir
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: I am not interested in you taking the Commander's side, or if you think I should take him back. I am not interested if... if you think I'm being unreasonable, or... or pig-headed, or... or unfair!
P.O. Jennifer Coates: No, sir. There's no need for that. Because you already know it. Sorry, sir!
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [the Admiral reaches into his office to pick up his cover and coat] You know, Petty Officer, people don't like to be *handled*.
P.O. Jennifer Coates: Yes, sir.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: So if you do it, you damned sure better be right. As you were this time.

GSgt. Len McDaniel Ret.: The colonel wants people to think that Tom Elgart's the kind of man that would let revenge rule his reason. We served together for twenty years. Never once did he exceed an order, nor risk lives needlessly. We're not vigilantes, we're Marines. Only difference now is the the clothes on our back.

[Rabb and Brumby are back in court after their forced boxing match]
Judge: [noticing Rabb's facial injuries] Commander Rabb, have you been in an accident?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: [Rabb gets up] I have, Your Honor. But I'm quite ready to proceed.
Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby: [Brumby gets up, with similar injuries] Same accident, Your Honour. but I too am ready.

Harm: Mac, we have 12 hours.
Mac: We've had 9 years.
Harm: I guess maybe, I just needed a deadline.
Mac: Well, you got one sailor.
[pause. Harm and Mac kiss]
Mac: What are you proposing? And that's not a Freudian slip.
Harm: I'm proposing. Let's get married.

[after a row, Tali storms off]
Lt. Gregory Vukovic: Yeah, that's right. Run away like you always do!
Lt. Tali Mayfield: [comes back] You know, you don't just use people. You use people UP!

Gloria: [speaking of Rabb] He's gorgeous!
Lt. Loren Singer: Think so? He just doesn't do it for me.

[TIner has explained to Singer his dilemma]
Lt. Loren Singer: Who's the senior officer?
P.O. Jason Tiner: Colonel Mackenzie by two months, ma'am.
Lt. Loren Singer: Charge Rabb. You can never go wrong charging the junior officer.

A.J. Chegwidden: If there's any more interest in my personal life, I'll have the guilty party... skinned!

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner: Why can't you two just get over it?
Mac: Because I'm in *love* with him!

Lt. Bud Roberts,: Mikey, um... about what I said. I didn't mean it.
Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: Forget it.
Lt. Bud Roberts,: No, you're going to make a fine Naval officer.
Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: Yeah, I know that. But do you know it?
Lt. Bud Roberts,: What? Do...? Of course.
Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: I don't think so. You still see me as your kid brother. Kind of dumb, kind of worthless. Yeah, you'll always see me that way. You and dad.
Lt. Bud Roberts,: Mikey, that's not true.
Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: No, it is true. And you know what? I'm... I'm tired of it. So next time you need a babysitter, a chauffeur, a stooge... call someone else. Oh... it's not "Mikey". It's "Mike."

CPO: How can I help?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: What can you do?
CPO: What do you like?

Admiral: [Harm and Mac are constantly saying the opposite of each other] Can the two of you agree on anything?
Mac: [simultaneously] Yes.
Harm: No.

Harm: [At the end of a meeting with Coates' father] Sorry to put you through that.
P.O. Jennifer Coates: Don't pity me, sir. Don't you dare

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Why didn't somebody from his ship identify the body?
Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby: Harbour sharks had a feed on him.
Lt. Bud Roberts,: There are sharks in the harbor?
Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby: This is Australia, mate. There's sharks in the bathtub.

[Gunny has mentioned that Valerie is attracted to guys he doesn't like]
Mike: Then you must love me, Gunny.
Gunnery Sgt. Victor 'Gunny' Galindez: Are you kidding! I can't stand you, Roberts.
[smiles]
Gunnery Sgt. Victor 'Gunny' Galindez: And I'll be sure to remind her of that every chance I get.
Mike: [understanding] Yes, Gunny.

Major: [after recalling when Brumby defended his client by blaming Mac] He had to say that he was defending his client.
Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: He was right.
Major: About me being guilty?
Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: About some people being in love with you.
[cut to commercial]

Mac: You, uh, talked to Maddie?
Harm: Yeah. That was the first call I made.
Mac: She told you to go?
Harm: Yes.
Mac: What'd you say?
Harm: I told her I wasn't going anywhere without her. We're still waiting for the ruling in Juvinelle court, however her father isn't contesting so...
Mac: You're a good dad.

P.O. Jennifer Coates: [Outside the Admiral's office, to Mac] When someone is that angry, you know they're hurting inside.
[Mac braces to attention as the Admiral appears in the door behind PO Coates]
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Petty Officer?
P.O. Jennifer Coates: [Coates executes a smart about-turn] Sir, I'm so sorry!
[the Admiral glares at her, thrusts a stack of files into her hands, steps back into his office and glares again before closing the door]
P.O. Jennifer Coates: [to Mac] I can't do anything right, ma'am!
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: None of us can.

Lt. Harriet Sims: Here are the photos for your office, sir. Sorry there's no pictures of naked breasts. I know how you like to gawk at them.
[hands Bud some envelopes]
Lt. Bud Roberts,: I don't want to gawk at naked breasts. I want to gawk at yours...
Lt. Harriet Sims: [apoplectic] Did HE just say what I THINK he said, Ma'am!
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Sorry, Harriet. I missed it.
Lt. Bud Roberts,: I'll go hang these... , then myself.

Harm: Bud, you helped me out of loyalty and friendship. Everybody else has a price.
Lt. Bud Roberts,: I'm sure you'll do the right thing, sir.

Captain: [at Bud's hearing to determine if he's fit to return to full duty] Does the lieutenant understand that even if he's granted permanent limited duty, his career will be capped. There's no way he'll be promoted to senior rank.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: The lieutenant has determined he would rather serve his country in a limited capacity than not at all.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Why the hell didn't I know you'd been charged with hitting your wife?
GSGT: It was handled in-house, sir. It's not even in my service record book.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Well, it's a matter of public record now, Gunny.
GSGT: I'm sorry, sir.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: I don't want your apologies! I want your cooperation. Do you have any idea what Colonel MacKenzie's trying to do in there? She's trying to establish that you, not your wife, is the one prone to violence.
GSGT: Sir, it was a one-time thing... we were
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Well, what about the fight with Sergeant Gerard?
GSGT: I told you about that.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Yeah, but you didn't tell me it happened three days after the initial incident. It suggests premeditation! It tells the members you're capable of holding a grudge and plotting revenge!
GSGT: So what does this mean, sir?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: It means the death penalty just came into play.
[Akers reacts in shock]
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: It's unlikely... but there's not a lot of sympathy out there for wife beaters.

Major: [Harriett's in labor] What can we do to make you feel better Harriet?
Lt. Harriet Sims: Shoot me!

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: I need to ask you both a question. If you murder co-counsel in the courtroom, can you cop an insanity plea?
Lt. Harriet Sims: [simultaneously with Harm] Absolutely.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Yes.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: I thought so.

[processing the crime scene, Tony notices a pin on their vic's jacket]
Special: Hey. She's a JAG.

Lt. Bud Roberts,: How could you lose him? What... what were you thinking?
Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: I... I just turned away for a second.
Lt. Bud Roberts,: How do you expect to be a Naval officer - a leader - when... when you can't even watch a six-year old child for a couple of hours?
Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: I'm sorry.
Lt. Bud Roberts,: Sorry?
[Bud scoffs]
Lt. Bud Roberts,: You're worthless. You've always been worthless. And you'll always be worthless!

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner: [discussing an incident in Bud's anger management class] There was a fight, you were there. And I'm not blaming you, but twice in as many months...
Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts: It's starting to sound like you're blaming me, Commander.
Cmdr. Sturgis Turner: Bud, I defended you in court. I know better than anyone that you're not a violent man, but... for a mild-mannered guy, you sure do piss a lot of people off. Plus, uh... you've got a father who's a bully.
Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts: Ah, I've gone out of my way to be everything that my father isn't and none of the things that he is.

Lt. Curtis Rivers: [removing Bill Layton's insignia to reveal about him being a fraudulent soldier] You dishonor my comrades by wearing this.

A.J. Chegwidden: Well then, Tiner, I must have magical powers.
[Pausing, looking at Tiner]
A.J. Chegwidden: Well, in that case I magically transfer them to you.
Jason: Yes, sir.
A.J. Chegwidden: Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo. They're yours, Tiner. Go have a party.
Jason: Sir?
A.J. Chegwidden: Out.
Jason: Yes, sir.

CAG: The inspector general is on his way to the ship for a surprise visit. He wants to question my pilots, see if they're battle-ready. That makes you eligible for the Lakehurst run, Commander.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Yes, sir.
CAG: I prefer it would be you, Admiral, but you're no longer cleared to fly front seat.
Admiral: You have nothing to worry about, CAG.
CAG: Enjoy your holidays.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: CAG, about your aircraft...
CAG: No soft-focus moments, Commander. I will not allow you to undermine a perfectly valid level of resentment. You get her up, and bring her down.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Yes, sir.
CAG: And if you do anything other than fly to your established destination... I will personally see to it that your wings are yanked.

Major: [Rabb hands her the phone] Hello?
Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby: So I thought to myself, who would she go to? Where would she go? I have my answer.
Major: Mic?

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: We're not the same. I'm not reckless. I don't fly stupid.
Lt. 'X: That's what it about, huh? You know I'm better than you and you can't stand it.
Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: I wouldn't care if you were the greatest pilot in the world. You inspire those guys
[the other other pilots]
Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: to pull the same stunts that you pull, then you're a menace. Not to the enemy! But to THEM. To US!
Lt. 'X: They can't do this. The X-man HAS to fly.
Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Not any more, Andy. Not any more.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: [Sturgis accused Mac of being conservative] My other faults? Since *you're* listing them.
Cmdr. Sturgis Turner: Well you're sanctimonious. And a bit of a prig.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: [incredulous] Where did *that* come from?
Cmdr. Sturgis Turner: It's been building for a while.

Lt. Loren Singer: Petty Officer Tiner! You're friends with Commander Rabb and Colonel Mackenzie, aren't you?
P.O. Jason Tiner: Yes, ma'am.
Lt. Loren Singer: [gleefully] Then you should know that they've gone missing in Afghanistan.
P.O. Jason Tiner: [shocked] That's terrible.
Lt. Loren Singer: [cheerily] Yes, isn't it?

Lt. Bud Roberts: [his client is overweight] This case is bigger than you are... Metaphorically speaking.

Dr. Donald Mallard: Agent Blackadder reminds me of a young woman I autopsied once.
NCIS: [asking about their current victim] When'd she die?
Dr. Donald Mallard: Oh, gosh! Oh, that was in Hollywood. Let's see, it's got to be at least twenty years ago. She was an assistant film editor, and the film editor's wife caught them in flagrante delicto.
NCIS: [indicating the dead body] This one, Ducky. When did this one die?
Dr. Donald Mallard: It's been a while.
NCIS: You care to be more specific?
Dr. Donald Mallard: Not until I do the autopsy.
NCIS: Humor me.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: NCIS has discovered the remains of an unidentified JAG lieutenant in Potomac Park. Medical examiner estimates she's between four and five months pregnant.
Lt. Harriet Sims: Oh, my Lord, sir, I hope it's not Lieutenant Singer.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Well, it can't be Lieutenant Singer. She's due in two weeks.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Have you been in contact with the lieutenant?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Well, I... Uh, no, sir. Not since she left three months ago. I was, uh... estimating.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Harm's right, sir. It couldn't be Loren. I mean the medical examiner wouldn't mis-estimate by four months.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: He hasn't conducted the autopsy yet. I assume the body's somewhat decomposed.
[knock on door]
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Enter.
P.O. Jason Tiner: Excuse me, Admiral. I tried Lieutenant Singer's San Diego number and her cell phone, sir. Both have been disconnected, Admiral.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Thank you, Tiner.
P.O. Jason Tiner: Aye, aye, sir.
[Tiner exits]
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Well, that doesn't look good.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Well, you're not writing her off, are you, sir?
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: You know, Commander, I may not personally know all seven hundred and fifty JAG officers under my command, but I damn sure would know if one was missing for three weeks.

Capt. Richard Carey: Seaman Wainwright, the members found you guilty of assault and sentenced you to six months' confinement.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Credit for time served, Your Honor.
Capt. Richard Carey: Granted. Seaman Wainwright, stand at ease. Twenty-two years ago, you made a foolish mistake. Youth and ignorance are no excuse. However, this court martial has ruled that there was a tragic miscarriage of justice. Apologies are inadequate to compensate you for your lost years. All of your rights, privileges, and property, including back pay, will be restored and you will be honorably discharged. On the part of the United States Navy, I wish you well and pray that the remainder of your life brings you joy and fulfillment. You are a free man. This court martial is adjourned.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: For the past four months the Admiral and I are havng a failure to communicate.
Lt. Bud Roberts,: Uh... well... we are communicating excellently; he yells at me and I say I'm sorry... kinda like married life.

Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: Have you ever been in love?
Harm: If you're looking for relationship advice, Mikey, you should talk to your brother.
Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: I tried that sir, but Bud doesn't want to talk to me about it.
Harm: Why not?
Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: Uh, it- it concerns General Cresswell's daughter.
Harm: Have you lost your mind?

Jason: Wow. That was actually considerate of you, ma'am.
Lt. Loren Singer: Are you kidding? Mikey Roberts can have that girl for *breakfast* for all I care... as long as the Hatfield's and McCoy's are feuding I have more work.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Colonel, Commander, correct me if I'm wrong, didn't I advise you to drop the investigation?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: It - It wasn't our investigation to drop, sir.
Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: It wasn't?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb Jr.: No sir, we were... simply sitting second chair.
Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Hmm... Oh, uh, almost forgot. Commander can you be at the Washington Momument at 1700?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb Jr.: The Washington Momument at 1700, sir? Why?
Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: I think she called it the magic hour. Ms Peterson, she says the light is just perfect.

Harmon 'Harm' Rabb Jr.: Tiner!
P.O. Jason Tiner: [Turns around] Sir!
Harmon 'Harm' Rabb Jr.: [Tosses his cover to Tiner] For when you make Commander. May it bring you better luck than it did me.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: [discussing the crash of an F-14 in California] Has the Navy initiated a Mishap Investigation, General?
Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell: Already on the scene. I want you to get to China Lake, ASAP. Conduct a concurrent JAG-man investigation. You're dismissed.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Aye aye, sir.
Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell: If you see Colonel MacKenzie, send her my way.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Uh, sir, the Colonel is still in Norfolk taking depositions on the Harkin case.
Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell: Commander Turner, then.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Commander Turner is, uh, TAD to Camp Pendleton, General.
Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell: [getting annoyed] Commander Roberts?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: I believe Commander Roberts started his anger management classes this morning, sir.
Maj. Gen. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell: Just how the hell did Admiral Chegwidden get anything done around here?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: I think he found it a struggle, sir.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: [on the phone with Harm] How are you?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Mac, take my mind off of this.
[Harm holds out the phone]
Petty: [offscreen] This is serious negligence that...
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Well, petty officer Chinick was conducting his business in the main machinery room. Another petty officer on her afternoon watch saw De Mara leaving. When she went inside, she discovered the body. Could have been a deal gone bad.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Bad enough to provoke murder?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Why don't you talk to De Mara?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: I would, but he's a little preoccupied with his mortality at the moment.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Is he getting worse?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: To say he's unstable would be an insult to unstable people.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: [after driving on the wrong side of the road, Harm parallel parks on first try] My stepfather had a cottage in the Bahamas. That's where I learned how to drive.
[tosses the keys to Mic]
Lt. Bud Roberts,: [to Brumby after Rabb gets out] ... Sir, don't they drive on the left side in the Bahamas?
Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby: [realising Rabb's driving errors were intentional] Bloody Hell!

Maj. Miles Holmes: With Susan, I'd finally gotten to a place where anything--a sunset, the curve of her thigh, the air I breathe--anything was enough with her.
Maj. Miles Holmes: [Susan, in custody, is driven away] Didn't you ever love anyone so much that would have given up the world for? Did love ever make you crazy?
Sarah: Once or twice.
Maj. Miles Holmes: Not again? Well, maybe one day you'll get up the nerve to stop playing it safe and work without a net.

[reviewing all of Cmdr. Imes' overturned convictions]
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Will you help me, or do you have some secret mission to fly?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Webb didn't tell you?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: We don't spend a lot of time talking about you.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Gee, that's a surprise. He canned me.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: What? I just saw you all over the TV.
[realization dawns on Mac]
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Oh.

Admiral: Between us, we've logged more flight time than anyone in this airwing.
CAG: And if the commander hadn't dumped a $40 million aircraft into the Atlantic last year, I would be satisfied with that answer, sir.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: A mishap review board cleared me of pilot error, Captain.
CAG: I read the report. Don't agree.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: The aircraft had taken a hard landing, CAG.
CAG: And she was in flying condition at the time she left the deck.
Admiral: Well, you weren't sitting in his seat at the time, CAG.
CAG: I was a week earlier, sir. The plane was my ride. I was waiting for her at Pax River at the time.

Admiral: A lot has changed since September 11th.

Lt. Bud Roberts,: [Being interrogated by Gibbs about Singer's murder, quoting President Clinton] I did not have sex with that woman.
NCIS: That's not the best choice of words there, Lieutenant.

Special: About a year ago, she returned to Italy and kidnapped this man.
[picture changes to Tim Fawkes]
Special: Know him?
Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: [Chegwidden spins Webb around] You know DAMN well I know him Webb! You wouldn't be here! WHAT's THE GAME?
Special: No game, A.J. Tim Fawkes recruited me into the company. Became my mentor. Taught me everything he learned in 30 years. Even told me about a SAG OP in Laos where he saved the life of a young SEAL Lieutenant back in '68.
Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Why didn't you ever tell me you knew Tim?
Special: If I had, I have to tell you how I let him down the day he was kidnapped.

Special: Hello, Harm.
Commander: What brings you here, Webb?
Special: Helping a friend in the building.
Commander: I didn't know you *had* a friend in the building.

Bud: [Bud mumbles then writes something down] Why are we in an interrogation room?
Special: Oh, this isn't a interrogation room. It's a reception room.
[Bud looks around and notices a mirror, goes over to the mirror and starts looking at it suspecting that there are other agents behind it]
Special: It's a mirror, lieutenant.

Catherine: I don't like working in the dark like this.
Special: You'd better get used to it. It's the CIA. And you don't have to whisper; we don't bug ourselves.

[the Secretary has reviewed both Lindsey's report, and Chegwidden's rebuttal]
SecNav: I want you to know, Commander, that I am going to start a new investigation, into YOU! In the meantime, you are relieved of your duties in this office and I want you OUT OF THE BUILDING ASAP!
Cmdr. Ted Lindsey: Yes, sir!
SecNav: *DISMISSED*!
Cmdr. Ted Lindsey: Aye aye, sir!
SecNav: [as Lindsey is leaving, in an icy tone] Good Bye!

[a large sum of money has inexplicably appeared in the bank account of Harm's friend]
Commander: Did Rick have a relative, anybody who might have given him this kind of money?
Michelle: No. And if he did, he would have told me.
Commander: Michelle, I need to find out how that money got into his account.
Michelle: Look, he wasn't selling information.
Commander: I didn't say that he was.
Michelle: You were thinking it.
Commander: Look, Michelle, there are issues outside of this money.
Michelle: What issues?
Commander: I wish I could tell you, but because of the sensitivity of this intelligence...
Michelle: Or the lack of. I'm on my way to pick up the suits that Daniel and Sam are going to wear to their father's funeral, and you come here with this. Do you know how pathetic it is for you to blame Rick when he's not even here to defend himself?
Commander: Michelle, I'm trying to clear his name.

[arresting Commander Lindsey]
Special: You probably know your Article 31 rights, but I kind of like reading them.

Lt. Jenarette: Well what happened down there was a... was a miracle
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Well, Lieutenant, that's a bit of an overstatement.
Lt. Jenarette: Sir, what I mean, sir. The tank you grabbed, it was practically empty. I just checked. You had maybe 15 seconds of air left, sir. You must have misread the gage.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: [to the Admiral] Well I'd say you nailed it, sir
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Yeah.

Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: You have time to drive golf balls, but you don't have time to visit Bud.
Big: What, are you afraid your old man can still outdrive you?
Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: No, I'm afraid my father cares more about his golf game than about his own son.
Big: Hey, watch your mouth, or I'll tee you up.
Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: Dad, Bud's been home for over a month, and he needs your support.
Big: What's the matter? He doesn't have a crutch?
Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: I can't believe you just said that.
Big: Yeah, well, that's why I won't go see him. 'Cause I'll say something like that, or something worse.

Lt: He said you were actually fair.
Commander: Well you're going to marry him, so it's only natural for us to get along.
Lt: Sir, about that M.R.I...

Lt. Cmdr. Vera McCool: [about Mac's breakup with Webb] Do you feel guilty about what happened?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: I'm an alcoholic. I feel guilty about everything.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Sometimes a good investigator has to admit the most obvious choice is often the right one.

P.O. Jennifer Coates: I didn't steal that witch's bracelet!
Harm: That's Lt. Witch to you.

Chief: [why he didn't come back with Rabb] It all happened so fast.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Whoa. Whoa. Wait Chief. I've seen men drown. And it *doesn't* happen fast.

Lt. Cmdr. Tracy Manetti: Most serial killers fit a basic profile. Single white male, young, father absent from his life. Usually distant from his mother and a lack of a committed relationship with a woman...
[Manetti notices Harm's facial expression]
Lt. Cmdr. Tracy Manetti: What is it, sir?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Well, I was just thinking that, uh, could describe me.
Lt. Cmdr. Tracy Manetti: You're too old to fit the profile, Commander.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Oh. Well, I don't know whether to be insulted or relieved.

Mattie: Harm, sometimes you forget that I'm not a part of your Army.
Harmon: Never say "Army" to a Navy man. It provokes a bad result.

Lt. Gregory Vukovic: [having been assigned TAD to the Marine division] This your idea, Major?
Marine: I thought maybe you'd like to see some combat up close.
Lt. Gregory Vukovic: As part of my continuing education?
Marine: One way of putting it.
Lt. Gregory Vukovic: I got your guy off the hook.
Marine: My guy? I was trying to put him in prison.
Lt. Gregory Vukovic: When you got shot up, sir, did they happen to hit you in the heart?
Marine: Never had one. Good luck, Vic.

Capt. Tobias Ingles: Your closing, Commander, was that a lawyer's trick or did you mean what you said?
Commander Harmon 'Harm' Rabb Jr.: Well I always mean what I say, sir.
[Ingles nods starts to walk away]
Commander Harmon 'Harm' Rabb Jr.: Captain.
[Ingles turns around]
Commander Harmon 'Harm' Rabb Jr.: Should the opportunity arise, sir, I'd be honored to serve under your command again.
Capt. Tobias Ingles: I'd like to have you back, Commander.

Special: Special Agent Gibbs, NCIS.
Major: Major McBurney.
Special: I know.
Major: [indicating a shooting target] Want me to set one up for you?
Special: I'm here to discuss the Rabb case. How long you figure this trial's going to last?
Major: Why, you got someplace to go?
[Gibbs grins]
Major: Where?
Special: Need to know, Major. You don't.
[PA system calls for cease fire]
Major: How long this goes depends on how well we do on the stand. I assume your people are prepped.
Special: How 'bout you, counselor?
Major: Looks like a slam dunk. You disagree?
Special: Rabb's a smart lawyer. If he's the killer, he made some dumb-ass mistakes. Only nailed him because he was protecting his brother.

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner: [after Harm gets a phone call] Job offer?
Harmon 'Harm' Rabb Jr.: C.I.A. They want to see me tommorrow at 0800.
Cmdr. Sturgis Turner: What did you *do*, buddy?

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: You're bordering on insubordination, Rabb.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: I'm a civilian now, A.J. I'm not in your Navy.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: So... so I heard you jumped my bones in sick bay.
Lt. Elizabeth 'Skates' Hawkes: Rumor.

Lt. 'X: Did I loose an engine?
Lt. Dalton 'Boomer' Jonas: Yeah that's what happens when you run out of fuel.

Mac: You having second thoughts about Gunny?
Harm: His instincts have always been pretty good.
Mac: Love is an antidote to instincts.

[Bud is being airlifted out of Afghanistan after stepping on a land mine]
Sergeant: Petty Officer, you can't go with them!
P.O. Jennifer Coates: *WATCH ME*!

Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts: Yes, I do get angry. But I'm not obnoxious about it.

A.J. Chegwidden: Among my many regrets in life is that I never spent enough time with my daughter when she was young. You can never get that back.

Mattie: How'd you learn how to cook?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Trial and error, mostly. Mostly error.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Commanders, will you accept a non-judicial punishment for your actions?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Yes, Sir!
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Good! Cause you would have gotten it anyway!
[heading out the door]
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Follow me!
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Aye aye, Sir!

[promoting Bud to Lt. Commander]
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Consider this my last act as Judge Advocate General.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: There are navy people here, you're going to have to deal with them.
Gunnery Sgt. Victor 'Gunny' Galindez: If I'm going to be the Gunny here, Admiral, they're going to have to deal with *me*!

Cmdr. Harmon Rabb,: Did you fall asleep in court?
Lt. Bud Roberts,: Yes, sir.
Cmdr. Harmon Rabb,: What, like a head-bobbing thing, right?
Lt. Bud Roberts,: Apparently, I was snoring, sir.

Admiral: [Harriet has just announced that she's pregnant with twins] Don't the two of you get to sleep?
Bud: Apparently not.

Major: A car is strictly transportation to me. I don't *need* it to define my sexuality.
Lt: Well, otherwise you'd be driving a Humvee.

Lt. Loren Singer: May I say something, sir?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Go ahead.
Lt. Loren Singer: I'm aggressive, and I'm an overachiever. I know that about myself, and I don't pretend otherwise. I realize I'm the brunt of snide comments and jokes among the office staff, but I can't change who I am. However, I'm not a thief nor a liar. Short of that, I'll use whatever means necessary to achieve my goal.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Which is?
Lt. Loren Singer: To be the first female Judge Advocate General. Sir.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Do you believe your brother was capable of committing suicide?
Sarah: The signs say yes. But my heart says no. Maybe I just don't want to believe that all of this could be happening again.

Lt. Cmdr. Alan Mattoni: No hard feelings, ma'am.
Lt. Loren Singer: Nothing personal, ma'am.
Cmdr. Caitlin 'Kate' Pike: Then let me *make* it personal. The difference between Admiral Hollenbeck and you is he didn't intend me harm. Therefore, he gets my forgiveness.
[to Singer]
Cmdr. Caitlin 'Kate' Pike: YOU get my *contempt*!

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: [Rabb is dreaming Rene and Mac are Kickboxing] Ladies to your corners!
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: You go to YOUR corner, HORMONE!

Captain: Do you two always work this well together?
Mac: When he lets me do the talking.

[Big Bud is trying to get out of being recalled to active duty by claiming to be gay]
Petty: Don't like women, huh?
Big: No. But I love men. What can I say? I find men attractive.
Petty: Really?
[starts whispering sexually suggestive comments into Big Bud's ear, with obvious results]
Petty: [suggestively] Ahhh. Is somebody having a *hard* day?
Petty: [brandishing a syringe] Arm or butt, Master Chief!

[after witnessing Harm and Sergei arguing]
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: You two really *are* brothers!

Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: Bud needs you, dad.
Big: I've talked to him. He sounds fine.
Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: Talking to him on the phone is not the same as seeing him.
Big: I don't want to see him like that.
Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: So, what, you're just going to avoid Bud for the rest of your life?
Big: No. I'll see him when he gets his...
Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: Prosthesis?
Big: Oh, God. Makes me sick just to think about it.
Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: Come on, dad. You were in Vietnam. You must have seen plenty of amputees.
Big: I was not "in" Vietnam. I was off the coast on a ship. And the only time I ever saw pants without legs in them was when they were folded up on a supply shelf.
Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: He needs you.
Big: Mikey... I went to that hospital. I got as far as the elevator doors.
Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: And what stopped you?
Big: I don't know. I don't know, I-I don't know. I don't wanna talk about it.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [Seated at his desk as PO Coates enters his office] What can I do for you, Petty Officer?
P.O. Jennifer Coates: I wanted to explain my actions...
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: No, let me explain them *for you*. You are meddling in affairs that are none of your business...
P.O. Jennifer Coates: All I wanted was...
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: No...
[standing, removes his glasses and leans forward on his desk]
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Petty Officer, I am not interested in what you want, I'm interested in what I need, and what I need is an administrative assistant who does her job and that job only. Is that understood?
P.O. Jennifer Coates: Sir, I'm still defining the parameters of my duties...
[the Admiral glares at her]
P.O. Jennifer Coates: with your input, of course, being paramount.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [With rising incredulity] Petty Officer, did... did you just *handle* me?
P.O. Jennifer Coates: Of course not, sir.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [Suspiciously] You are not, by chance, going to law school at night, are you?
P.O. Jennifer Coates: No, sir. Why do you ask?
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [Stands up and replaces his glasses, sighs, and then in a grumbling tone] Starting to parse the truth like a lawyer!
P.O. Jennifer Coates: No, sir. I am, however starting to look deeper into the truth, like a psychologist. 'The Human Mind, 101'; the course I'm taking on line.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [Glares at her again, then in a forced whisper] Dismissed!
P.O. Jennifer Coates: Aye, aye, sir!

[after NCIS captures Amad bin Atwa]
Special: Amad bin Atwa supplied money and explosives to Hasan Mohammed, who executed the attack on the Cole. They're an Al-Jihad team that's been together for nine years. If bin Atwa gives up Hasan, I want in on the kill.
NCIS: We're not tasked with capturing Hasan Mohammed.
Special: Gibbs, my brother died on the Cole.
NCIS: I know that.
Special: Then get me in on this!
NCIS: You're not here to use NCIS as your personal instrument of revenge. You get your head around this murder case, or you pull your tailored suit out of mothballs and you march your butt right back to the J. Edgar Hoover Building. Am I clear, Agent Blackadder?
[Vivian doesn't respond]
NCIS: Am. I. Clear?
Special: Very, sir.

Bud: [Exiting his office] What were you talking with the General about?
Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: Uh, Cammie. His daughter.
[Bud takes Mikey into his office and closes the door]
Bud: Are you crazy? The General is my CO! And you're messing around with his daughter.
Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: Bud... I mean, I'm not messing around with midshipmen okay? I just happen to be in love with her.
Bud: No, you're not.
Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: Yes, I am.
Bud: Well, fall out of love.
Midshipman Mike 'Mikey' Roberts: Okay, Cammie and have been spending a lot of time together, okay? I'm as serious as I can be *under the circumstances*.
Bud: Okay. I-I-I don't want to know about this. I *can't* know about this! Please... leave.

Mac: You know, men seem to pass through my life... except for you. Will you always be there?
Harm: Yes.
[Harm turns to face Mac]
Mac: Well then you need to know what the doctor told me...
[Camera zooms out and shows Harm reaching for Mac's hand]
Mac: [screen fades out]

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: You're here, Admiral, because you *need* me. I'm an excellent lawyer. Plus, the officer you chose to replace me is looking at seven years of hard labor.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: All of that is true. If you come back, we'll start fresh. Let me know what you decide.

Harm: You've delivered a baby?
Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby: Yeah it's a piece of cake. Delivered dozens of 'em back home in Aus. Sort of comes with living in the Outback.
Harm: Really? You ever deliver one in a hospital full of terrorists?
Major: I'll get the measuring stick out later boys!

Sarah: Damn it. I have *so* much I want to say to you, but I can't - can't find the words.
Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: I know.
Sarah: Damn you. Why am *I* the only one crying?

[Harriet emerges from the office where she decked Singer]
P.O. Jason Tiner: Is everything okay, ma'am?
Lt. Harriet Sims: [cheerily, while rubbing her fist] Perfect, Tiner.

PO: How else am I supposed to shape up, sir?
Lt. Bud Roberts: Stop eating.
PO: Sir, that's what Colonel MacKenzie said.
Lt. Bud Roberts: Well, I stopped eating, and I lost twenty pounds.
PO: Whoa! How'd you do that, sir?
Lt. Bud Roberts: I... broke my jaw.
PO: Oh... did that hurt, sir?
Lt. Bud Roberts: Don't even think about it, Potts!

Captain: He's letting them off the hook.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: He might, but by God I won't!

[Gunny is trying to diffuse an altercation between his friend and a gay man]
Gunnery Sgt. Victor 'Gunny' Galindez: C'mon, Manny. Let's go.
Master Sgt. Manny O'Bregon: Not until Pretty Boy and I settle some unfinished BUSINESS!
Edward: Oh, you *really* think I'm pretty! Maybe I WILL give you my number!
Gunnery Sgt. Victor 'Gunny' Galindez: [Gunny restrains Manny] Go on. Get out of here.
[Proxy kicks Manny while restrained, Gunny knocks Proxy to the ground, Tiner takes a poke at Gunny, but Gunny knocks him to the ground]
Gunnery Sgt. Victor 'Gunny' Galindez: Tiner?
Jason: Gunny?

Jennifer: Stan, you don't know this yet but I'm your future.

Narrator: Following in his father's footsteps as a Naval aviator, Lieutenant Commander Harmon Rabb Jr. suffered a crash while landing his Tomcat on a storm-tossed carrier at sea. Diagnosed with night blindness, Harm transferred to the Navy's Judge Advocate General Corps, which investigates, defends and prosecutes the law of the sea. There, with fellow JAG lawyer Major Sarah MacKenzie, he now fights in and out of the courtroom with the same daring and tenacity that made him a top gun in the air.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [Rabb is looking back as they're about to board the plane] Commander, never look back.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: No, sir.
[gives the attendant his plane ticket, then glances back to Mic and Mac]

Air: [after Rabb lands the plane] Welcome to Korea U.S. Navy. You just cost me 50 bucks.

[Big Bud is trying to get out of being recalled to active duty by claiming to be a junkie]
Big: What about my drug screen?
Petty: Well, you did test positive. For someone *pretending* to be on meth amphetamines!
Big: I'm a speed freak!
Petty: Oooh. Love life in the fast lane, huh?

Jo: You actually flew missions into China?
Tom: Those missions are secret, Jo Jo. I hope I can count on you. The outcome of the war may depend on it.
Jo: Bob said we'd meet men like you.
Tom: We don't think of ourselves as brave. We're just men doing our job.
Jo: Oh, he didn't say brave. He said "full of crap".

P.O. Jason Tiner: Sir, there's a dog in the hallway.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Yes, she's with me.
[loudly]
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Come here, Damn it.
[Dog enters the room]
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Sit, Damn it.
[dog sits down. Tiner leaves and closes the door]
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: You named the dog, Damn it?
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: The name kind of found itself.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Damn it?
[Dog rises up and knocks over the folders on the desk]
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Oh, damn it.

Ellis: You do not record war crimes when you commit them. Only the Nazis were that stupid.

Lt. Bud Roberts,: Why are we in an interogation room?
[Bud's jaw is broken, Webb can't understand him. Bud writes on a notepad and gives it to Webb]
Special: "Why are we in an interogation room?" Oh it isn't an interrogation room. It's a reception room.
[Budd looks at the mirror behind him thinking someone's on the other side]
Special: It's just a mirror.

Harm: Mac and I have an announcement to make... We're getting married.
P.O. Jennifer Coates: Congratulations!
Major: Outstanding! I knew you'd come around to the Marines.
Mac: In either London or San Diego.
Harm: For this marriage to be successful, one of us has to give up our commission.
Mac: No surprise, we couldn't decide which one.
Harm: So we'll let fate decide. Bud.
Bud: When Admiral Chedwidden retired, he gave me his JAG coin.
[pulls out coin]
Bud: And I thought this would be the perfect moment to use it.
[Shows one side]
Bud: This is the side with heads.
[Shows other side]
Bud: There is tails. Bride to be will call.
Mac: [exhales] Tails.
Bud: Always wanted to do this at the Superbowl. Here goes.
[tosses the coin in the air]

Harmon: [Flying a F-14 Tomcat above the Superbowl dome] Well, it's no 50-yard line, but it's still a hell of a view. And we have the play-by-play on CBS Radio. Could have pulled worse duty than flying cover, eh, Skates? Since we're up here, what do you say we take a picture for the folks back home?
Lt. Elizabeth 'Skates' Hawkes: Just point and shoot.
Lt. Elizabeth 'Skates' Hawkes: [after Harm inverts and reverts the F-14 Tomcat] Whoo! All right!

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Commander, Captain Baxter read your report as well. He said thank you for proving Russian subs are perfectly capable of sinking themselves on their own.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Thank you, sir.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: The hard way as usual.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: How'd you know where I was?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Where else would you be on a carrier during ops?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: In the front seat of an F-14.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Not this trip.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: I can dream.

Capt. Stanley Ellis: You read the R.O.E. Got any advice?
Lt. Gregory Vukovic: Yeah. Don't get shot.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: What do you want me to say? My father died doing his duty. You lived, running from yours.
Kevin: If that's the way you feel, how can I trust that you won't let them hang me?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Because, like my father, I do my duty.

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby: [as Mac's storing some semen in the fridge for a client] So it's a do-it-yourself kit, right?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: [rising up] EXCUSE ME?

[after the Army JAG officer assigned to be Harm's second chair commandeers the questioning of their client]
Cmdr. Harmon Rabb,: I hope you don't mind me talking while you interrupted.

Special: I have a source who can locate him, but I need help. I thought since Tim once saved your life.
Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Tim didn't save my life. He saved my soul!

Captain: [to Brumby] I don't know whether to KEEL HAUL or take the *CAT* to you!
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [to Rabb] After 10,000 miles *I* want to do *both*!
Captain: [to Brumby] A Royal Australian Naval Officer does NOT behave like a pub crawling BRAWLER!
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [to Rabb] You struck a junior officer!
Captain: [to Brumby] BROKE HIS BLOODY JAW!
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [to Rabb] IN TWO PLACES!
Captain: [to Brumby] What *possible* excuse could you make to defend this *reprehensible* act?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: None, Sir!

[after Adm. Chegwidden orders Harm and Mic to fight]
Captain: I always did like Yank SEALs.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: How long you been doing this, Gibbs?
NCIS: 19 years.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Can you tell somebody's lying by looking them in the eye.
NCIS: I can.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Well, look into mine. Ask me. Ask me!
NCIS: Would you kill for your brother?

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Colonel, are, um congratulations in order?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Uh. it's uh, on the right hand, sir.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Ah.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Friendship ring?
Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby: For now.

Captain: Commander, I have found that arguing with attorneys is rarely a winning proposition.

Harmon: Love can drive a man crazy.
Sarah: That road runs both ways.

Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Mine's bigger than yours.

[having failed to promote Cdr. Lindsey to Captain]
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: I have effectively terminated my career.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Lieutenants!
Lt. Harriet Sims,140885: Yes, sir.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Colonel MacKenzie and Commander Rabb have been located, safe and sound.
Lt. Harriet Sims: Excellent news, sir.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [noticing Singer's black eye] Lieutenant, what happened to your face?
Lt. Loren Singer: I believe the appropriate response is, "I walked into a door."
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Would you like to make a more formal response, Lieutenant?
Lt. Loren Singer: Yes, sir. I will most certainly respond but not in any way that would require the Admiral's attention, sir.

Lt. Bud Roberts Jr.: I've had my Bug since I was Sophomore in San Diego. I built it from the frame up. I flipped a gazillion burgers to pay for her! She's got more great *memories* than she does miles! I even lost my v-v...
Lt: Your v-v what?

Lt: Why don't you, uh, come with me and pick out w new car with Harriett and Bud?
Major: Uh - Isn't that something *Jordy* should be doing?
Lt: [scoffs] Mac, you pick out a car with your girlfriend, you might as well buy her a ring!

P.O. Jason Tiner: [entering the Admiral's office] Sir, it's Commander Rabb on the Seahawk.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [picking up the phone] Tell me it wasn't Bud! Damn it... Yeah... Yeah. Commander, I can't spare all of you. One can stay as a Seahawk JAG to re... replace Roberts. Decide who that'll be and keep me informed.

Cmdr. Sturgis Turner: [speaking of Harm] Have you slept with him?
Mac: No!
Cmdr. Sturgis Turner: Is that the problem?
Mac: NO!
Cmdr. Sturgis Turner: Why can't you just get past it and move on?
Mac: Wouldn't work.
Cmdr. Sturgis Turner: Why?
Mac: Because I'm in *love* with him!

Lt. Elizabeth 'Skates' Hawkes: Harm, if I can survive your crazy stunts, I can survive *anything*!

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Bud, I don't know what it's like to lose a child. But I do know what it's like to lose the woman you love. Don't let one cost you the other.

Lt. Elizabeth 'Skates' Hawkes: Can I try, doctor? He knows me.
Dr. Minchey: Get him talking.
Lt. Elizabeth 'Skates' Hawkes: Harm. Harm! Harm. Harm, It's cold down here. And I need you. I can't do it all by myself. Help me Harm, come on, You promised you'd help me. I'm holding you to that. I can't swim very well. You have to help me!
Dr. Minchey: [machine beats] Temperature's still dropping!
Lt. Elizabeth 'Skates' Hawkes: [machine beat] Commander can you hear me!
Corpsman: [machine beat] He's bradycardic.
Lt. Elizabeth 'Skates' Hawkes: Take that thing off! Take it off!
Lt. Elizabeth 'Skates' Hawkes: [Nurse removes oxygen mask, Skates gets very close to Harm's face] Save me.
Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: [In a faint raspy voice] I'm... trying.
Corpsman: Pulse rate's up.
Lt. Elizabeth 'Skates' Hawkes: Don't let go. Don't let go!
Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Hi
Lt. Elizabeth 'Skates' Hawkes: Have we dated?
Lt. Elizabeth 'Skates' Hawkes: Hi yourself. Keep talking!
Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: I... can't... breathe.
Lt. Elizabeth 'Skates' Hawkes: Oh, I'm sorry...
[withdraws her body]
Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Have we dated?

Special: Good morning, Tony. What are you doing? That investigation's wrapped up.
Special: Is it?
Special: Oh, you're in Gibbs' camp now? "Rabb didn't do it."
Special: Think outside the FBI box for a sec, Viv. It's too perfect. I'm a cop; it just doesn't sit right.

SecNav: I've heard that you're a man of few words. It's kind of unusual for a lawyer, isn't it?
Col. Gordon 'Biff' Cresswell: I try to choose those few words carefully, sir.

Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby: You afraid of me bein' alone down here with Mac, Harm?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: You know, Brumby, one of these days you and I are going to strip blouses.
Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby: Always assumed we would, mate. Question's only been when.

Harmon: It's one of those days, I guess. I, uh, I seem to be pushing her
[Colonel MacKenzie's]
Harmon: buttons.
A.J. Chegwidden: Commander, can you stop doing that?
Harmon: I am trying Admiral.

Sarah: Did you think you'd sneak away without saying "goodbye?"
Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Why "goodbye" not "good luck?"
Sarah: Didn't I say that to you when I was *stupid* enough to leave JAG?
Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Yes, you did.
Sarah: You said you were happy for me.
Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: I was. But that was different, you were in love.
Sarah: And you're not?
Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: What has love got to do with anything?

Private: You ever regret putting someone away, ma'am?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: No.
[Boyer slugs Mac]
Private: Well, there's always a first time!

Private: I wasn't going to rape her, I was just goofing on her.
Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Private Clauson, you are currently the *luckiest* marine in the world. Do not make things worse for yourself by also being the STUPIDEST!

SecNav: [after Rabb has been promoted to a Full Commander] Commander... Rabb, have you ever *once* in your life done things the easy way?
Harm: No, sir. Not once.

Tim: You know what pilots use for birth control?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Yeah, their personalities. What's the difference between a pilot and a jet engine?
Tim: Jet engine stops whining when it lands.

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: [Rabb has just been formally awarded his second Distinguished Flying Cross] Uh... Sir, I'm... uh... flattered, also... uh... a little confused. I believe I requested that no ceremony be conducted.
Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [Off handedly] Yeah, I ignored it.

Bud: [seeing Donald P. Bellisario's star on the Hollywood walk of fame] Wow, the Quantum Leap guy!

Catherine: Do you want children?
Harm: Yes.
Catherine: How were you able to convince her?
Harm: Well, I told her God gave her those hips for a reason.

Admiral: Rudolph, Dasher, Dancer, et al., versus the United States Navy. Tiner, is this a joke?
Harm: I can see the headlines now, Admiral. "Navy grounds Santa Claus".

Lt. Gregory Vukovic: You look pretty good in leather.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: It's neoprene.

Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: I'm not a chauvinist.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: No, you're not.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Well, thank you...
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: You're arrogant, which can be misinterpreted as chauvinism.

Dr. Donald Mallard: [flirting with Vivian while performing an autopsy] You sure you won't have dinner with me tonight, Viv?
Special: Oh, Ducky, you're disgusting!
Dr. Donald Mallard: The pursuit of sex is an affirmation of life, Vivian. That's why older men are so lascivious.
Special: I'm talking about your lack of respect for the dead.
Dr. Donald Mallard: I have the utmost respect for the dead.
Special: Well, that's obvious from the way you speak to them.
Dr. Donald Mallard: If you were dead, wouldn't it be nice if you were spoken to, rather than about?

Lt. 'X: Sir, they're sending me to a FENAB. They want to ground me!
Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Well what did you expect, Buxton? A promotion?
Lt. 'X: You have to help me, sir!
Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Actually, I'll be testifying against you.
Lt. 'X: AGAINST me? I-I just heard you in court, talking about my intelligence, my initiative, how they had to acquit.
Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: I was your lawyer. It's my job to get you off.