Top 50 Quotes From A.J. Chegwidden

Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: [Rabb has just been formally awarded his second Distinguished Flying Cross] Uh... Sir, I'm... uh... flattered, also... uh... a little confused. I believe I requested that no ceremony be conducted.
Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [Off handedly] Yeah, I ignored it.

[Cdr. Lindsey has requested to return to JAG]
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [with mild sarcasm] If I *ever* need someone like *you* on my staff, you'll be the first one I call.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Well, Commander, I checked the police blotter and didn't see your name, so you must've behaved.
[to Mac]
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Why does he listen to *you* and not *me*?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Just lucky I guess.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Commander, you may have to amend your report. This just went from dereliction of duty to negligent homicide.

Chief: [why he didn't come back with Rabb] It all happened so fast.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Whoa. Whoa. Wait Chief. I've seen men drown. And it *doesn't* happen fast.

Lt. Jenarette: You know sir. I had the instinct to check the brig and I failed to follow through. I feel real bad about it. That's why I should be the one going in.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Captain won't allow it.
Lt. Jenarette: What about the two of us, sir?
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: The only reason I'm going in, because I outrank him.
Lt. Jenarette: Yes, sir, you do.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: You have one minute to suit up!
Lt. Jenarette: Yes, sir.

Admiral: [Harm and Mac are constantly saying the opposite of each other] Can the two of you agree on anything?
Mac: [simultaneously] Yes.
Harm: No.

A.J. Chegwidden: If there's any more interest in my personal life, I'll have the guilty party... skinned!

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [after allowing Mac to escort the body to Australia] God! I'd like to be in Australia to watch this one unfold.
Gunnery Sgt. Victor 'Gunny' Galindez: Sounds like a slam dunk conviction, sir.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Oh, hell! I'm not talking about the trial.
[laughs heartily]

Mattie: [to Rabb] Hey, Harm! Is this bald guy the jerk that fired you?
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: I didn't exactly fire him. I just didn't ask him back.
Mattie: Around here, that's called fired.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [finds Bud at JAG looking exhausted] You had the baby! No wonder you look like hell!
Lt: Sir, baby Sarah died.
[starts crying]

P.O. Jason Tiner: [entering the Admiral's office] Sir, it's Commander Rabb on the Seahawk.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [picking up the phone] Tell me it wasn't Bud! Damn it... Yeah... Yeah. Commander, I can't spare all of you. One can stay as a Seahawk JAG to re... replace Roberts. Decide who that'll be and keep me informed.

Capt. Roy Salveras: How did you know they were alive?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: We *didn't*, sir.
Capt. Roy Salveras: But you were so confident.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: I suppose it comes with our experience with the Commander.
Capt. Roy Salveras: You're a tenacious man, is that it Commander?
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Ever try to get gum off the sole of your shoe.

Major: Last time I did this I was 18... and drunk.
Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Last time I did it, I was 24 and sober; same results. Learn from your mistakes and move on, right?
Major: Ah, sir, you've, uh, never remarried.
Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Oh, I'm talking about you. Good Lord! Don't use ME as a barometer, for ANYTHING!

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Lieutenant Singer is a competent investigator, Captain. She's just a little too eager to prove it sometimes.
Captain: I wouldn't disagree, sir.

[upon learning Cdr. Lindsey would be assisting the prosecution during Chegwidden's Admiral's Mast]
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: How could such a *mediocre officer* become such a thorn in my side?

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [Chegwidden is delivering the baby] Hey, his head's out! You wanna feel it?
Lt. Harriet Sims: NO!

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: There are navy people here, you're going to have to deal with them.
Gunnery Sgt. Victor 'Gunny' Galindez: If I'm going to be the Gunny here, Admiral, they're going to have to deal with *me*!

Captain: [to Brumby] I don't know whether to KEEL HAUL or take the *CAT* to you!
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [to Rabb] After 10,000 miles *I* want to do *both*!
Captain: [to Brumby] A Royal Australian Naval Officer does NOT behave like a pub crawling BRAWLER!
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [to Rabb] You struck a junior officer!
Captain: [to Brumby] BROKE HIS BLOODY JAW!
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [to Rabb] IN TWO PLACES!
Captain: [to Brumby] What *possible* excuse could you make to defend this *reprehensible* act?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: None, Sir!

Special: About a year ago, she returned to Italy and kidnapped this man.
[picture changes to Tim Fawkes]
Special: Know him?
Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: [Chegwidden spins Webb around] You know DAMN well I know him Webb! You wouldn't be here! WHAT's THE GAME?
Special: No game, A.J. Tim Fawkes recruited me into the company. Became my mentor. Taught me everything he learned in 30 years. Even told me about a SAG OP in Laos where he saved the life of a young SEAL Lieutenant back in '68.
Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Why didn't you ever tell me you knew Tim?
Special: If I had, I have to tell you how I let him down the day he was kidnapped.

Admiral: [Harriet has just announced that she's pregnant with twins] Don't the two of you get to sleep?
Bud: Apparently not.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Colonel, are, um congratulations in order?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Uh. it's uh, on the right hand, sir.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Ah.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Friendship ring?
Lt. Cmdr. Mic Brumby: For now.

Special: There's one thing I've always admired about SEALS, Admiral.
Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Just one?
Special: Their code of never leaving a man behind. In the company, we not only leave them behind, we deny ever knowing them.

Captain: He's letting them off the hook.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: He might, but by God I won't!

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Tiner, where's the change of orders for the Seahawk JAG?
P.O. Jason Tiner: I don't have it yet, sir.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Y-you don't have the paperwork, or you don't know who stayed?
P.O. Jason Tiner: It's not Commander Turner, sir. He called, he's on his way back.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Alone?
P.O. Jason Tiner: That's my understanding, sir.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Damn it, I'll skin them.
P.O. Jason Tiner: Sir, Commander Turner said Colonel MacKenzie and Commander Rabb couldn't decide which one should take the JAG billet.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: So they both stayed.
P.O. Jason Tiner: Yes, sir.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Draw up charges for disobeying a direct order.
P.O. Jason Tiner: [confused] Sir?
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: You want to join them, Tiner?
P.O. Jason Tiner: No, sir!
[Tiner turns to exit, but stops]
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: What?
P.O. Jason Tiner: Sir, which one do I charge?
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Both of them!

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Don, anytime you want *this* job...
Donald J. Guter: A.J. you couldn't *pay me* enough to be the Judge Advocate General.
[Chegwidden laughs]

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: You're bordering on insubordination, Rabb.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: I'm a civilian now, A.J. I'm not in your Navy.

P.O. Jennifer Coates: [Outside the Admiral's office, to Mac] When someone is that angry, you know they're hurting inside.
[Mac braces to attention as the Admiral appears in the door behind PO Coates]
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Petty Officer?
P.O. Jennifer Coates: [Coates executes a smart about-turn] Sir, I'm so sorry!
[the Admiral glares at her, thrusts a stack of files into her hands, steps back into his office and glares again before closing the door]
P.O. Jennifer Coates: [to Mac] I can't do anything right, ma'am!
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: None of us can.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [after Col. MacKenzie asks Adm. Chegwidden to convince her that Cmdr. Rabb is still alive] Colonel, the Commander is too damned pigheaded to leave this world. He will find a way out.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Even if they offer him wings, sir?

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [Picks up a snow globe off of Tiner's desk] This is your brain.
[shakes the snow globe]
Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: This is your brain during fatherhood. Any questions?
P.O. Jason Tiner: No, sir.
Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Good.

Admiral: Rudolph, Dasher, Dancer, et al., versus the United States Navy. Tiner, is this a joke?
Harm: I can see the headlines now, Admiral. "Navy grounds Santa Claus".

Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Senor Amati, many people have tried to kill me one time or another. They're mostly dead. So there's a good chance that your brother-in-law will join them if he does come after me... Does he have other sons?
Enrico: Uno.
Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: When he comes... I'll regrettably kill him too... And after him?
Enrico: My sister will expect me to uphold the honor of mi familia.
Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Then I'll have to kill you. I don't want to have to do that.
Enrico: [in Italian] You're either a very *bold* man, or crazy!
Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: [In Italian] Not crazy. Practical.
[In English]
Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: A killing between us does not embarrass the Camorra.
Enrico: Very true.

[after A.J.'s marriage proposal to Meredith fails]
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Do you have any idea how embarrassed I was? She paid it! She paid the damn check! You told me you set it up! That they knew what was going on! It took me half an hour to-to-to trace the ring down. Some damn dishwasher was trying it on!
P.O. Jason Tiner: I am so sorry...
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Sorry, my ass! Listen, numbnuts, you stay out of it! You...
P.O. Jason Tiner: I'm sorry, Admiral. Next time...
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: No, hell no, there's no next time! You stay out of it. You just stay out of it! I'll take care of it myself!
P.O. Jason Tiner: Sir...
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Dismissed!
P.O. Jason Tiner: Aye, aye, sir.

Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: [finding out if Webb has killed anyone] I'm not talking about missions where people have died. I'm talking about face-to-face.
Special: Once. He recovered.
Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Were you trying to kill him?
Special: Yes.
Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: That's okay, I just have to worry about your bad aim.

Harmon: It's one of those days, I guess. I, uh, I seem to be pushing her
[Colonel MacKenzie's]
Harmon: buttons.
A.J. Chegwidden: Commander, can you stop doing that?
Harmon: I am trying Admiral.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Colonel, Commander, correct me if I'm wrong, didn't I advise you to drop the investigation?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: It - It wasn't our investigation to drop, sir.
Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: It wasn't?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb Jr.: No sir, we were... simply sitting second chair.
Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Hmm... Oh, uh, almost forgot. Commander can you be at the Washington Momument at 1700?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb Jr.: The Washington Momument at 1700, sir? Why?
Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: I think she called it the magic hour. Ms Peterson, she says the light is just perfect.

Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: [Mac thinks Brumby's trying to lure her to Austrailia] He's behind this!
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: No he's not. He asked for Rabb and Roberts.

Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: How do you people expect any loyalty?
Special: Abandonment is the price we pay for getting caught.

Special: I have a source who can locate him, but I need help. I thought since Tim once saved your life.
Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Tim didn't save my life. He saved my soul!

[promoting Bud to Lt. Commander]
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Consider this my last act as Judge Advocate General.

Donald J. Guter: She defended a dog?
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: And won!
Donald J. Guter: And I thought troubleshooting for the SECNAV was interesting.

Lt. Jenarette: Well what happened down there was a... was a miracle
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Well, Lieutenant, that's a bit of an overstatement.
Lt. Jenarette: Sir, what I mean, sir. The tank you grabbed, it was practically empty. I just checked. You had maybe 15 seconds of air left, sir. You must have misread the gage.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: [to the Admiral] Well I'd say you nailed it, sir
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Yeah.

Commander: [the convening authority is dropping the case] Sir, I WANT this one!
Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: You *can't* have it!

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [Seated at his desk as PO Coates enters his office] What can I do for you, Petty Officer?
P.O. Jennifer Coates: I wanted to explain my actions...
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: No, let me explain them *for you*. You are meddling in affairs that are none of your business...
P.O. Jennifer Coates: All I wanted was...
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: No...
[standing, removes his glasses and leans forward on his desk]
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Petty Officer, I am not interested in what you want, I'm interested in what I need, and what I need is an administrative assistant who does her job and that job only. Is that understood?
P.O. Jennifer Coates: Sir, I'm still defining the parameters of my duties...
[the Admiral glares at her]
P.O. Jennifer Coates: with your input, of course, being paramount.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [With rising incredulity] Petty Officer, did... did you just *handle* me?
P.O. Jennifer Coates: Of course not, sir.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [Suspiciously] You are not, by chance, going to law school at night, are you?
P.O. Jennifer Coates: No, sir. Why do you ask?
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [Stands up and replaces his glasses, sighs, and then in a grumbling tone] Starting to parse the truth like a lawyer!
P.O. Jennifer Coates: No, sir. I am, however starting to look deeper into the truth, like a psychologist. 'The Human Mind, 101'; the course I'm taking on line.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [Glares at her again, then in a forced whisper] Dismissed!
P.O. Jennifer Coates: Aye, aye, sir!

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Mr. Atef, what happened on September 11 was reprehensible. But our way of life entitles you to a fair trial, no matter how cowardly the act.
Mustafa: A wise precaution for a nation so morally corrupt. Want to know what I say about September 11? Every single person who died that day got exactly what they deserved.

P.O. Jennifer Coates: Well, wwe are a divided country, sir.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Fortunately, we Americans have one thing in common.
P.O. Jennifer Coates: Bad traffic?
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Baseball.
P.O. Jennifer Coates: Actually, sir, I'm not much of a fan.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [sighs] I've fired people for less, Coates.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: NCIS has discovered the remains of an unidentified JAG lieutenant in Potomac Park. Medical examiner estimates she's between four and five months pregnant.
Lt. Harriet Sims: Oh, my Lord, sir, I hope it's not Lieutenant Singer.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Well, it can't be Lieutenant Singer. She's due in two weeks.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Have you been in contact with the lieutenant?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Well, I... Uh, no, sir. Not since she left three months ago. I was, uh... estimating.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Harm's right, sir. It couldn't be Loren. I mean the medical examiner wouldn't mis-estimate by four months.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: He hasn't conducted the autopsy yet. I assume the body's somewhat decomposed.
[knock on door]
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Enter.
P.O. Jason Tiner: Excuse me, Admiral. I tried Lieutenant Singer's San Diego number and her cell phone, sir. Both have been disconnected, Admiral.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Thank you, Tiner.
P.O. Jason Tiner: Aye, aye, sir.
[Tiner exits]
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Well, that doesn't look good.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Well, you're not writing her off, are you, sir?
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: You know, Commander, I may not personally know all seven hundred and fifty JAG officers under my command, but I damn sure would know if one was missing for three weeks.

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Would you have slapped that kid?
Admiral: No, I'd have slugged him.

A.J. Chegwidden: Among my many regrets in life is that I never spent enough time with my daughter when she was young. You can never get that back.

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Remember when Meredith mentioned she was interested in taking flying lessons?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Oh, no. Please, sir...
Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Commander, I completely understand your reluctance, but, uh, my back is against a wall here. She's been dreaming up these weekend plans and... hell, this is the safest one.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb,: Safe for who, sir?
Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Look, all I'm suggesting is that... this may sound mean, but just take her up, get her sick, cure her of this flying bug.