The Best Kyle Scheible Quotes

Christine: Hey.
[pause]
Christine: I like your band. With Jonah Ruiz? L'Enfance Nue?
Kyle: [in french accent] L'Enfance Nue.
Christine: Uh. Well, I saw your Thanksgiving show. My name's Lady Bird.
Kyle: It's weird you shake hands.
Christine: Yeah.
[pause]
Christine: I'm friends with Jenna and she's always talking about how great your band is so I wanted to check it out.
Kyle: Yeah, Jenna's hella tight.
Christine: Yeah.
Kyle: Maybe I'll see you at the Deuce or something?
Christine: Sure, see you at the Deuce.
Miguel: Hey, I'm not paying you to flirt.
Christine: [exhales] I wasn't flirting.
Kyle: I wish you had been.

Kyle: What you do is very baller. You're very anarchist.
Christine: Yeah. Fuck' em.
Kyle: Don't worry, I'm not gonna snitch on you.
Christine: Well, I hope not 'cause I'd fucking kill your family.
Kyle: What?
Christine: Sorry. I... that was an exaggeration.
Kyle: It's okay. My dad has cancer, so I guess God's doing that for us.

Kyle: I didn't lose my virginity to you.
Christine: Wait, what?
Kyle: I lost my virginity to Cassie Duvall.
Christine: Excuse me? You said you were a virgin.
Kyle: No, I didn't. 'Cause I'm not. And I haven't lied in two years.

Kyle: You're gonna have so much unspecial sex in your life.

Christine: Uh, it's my parents' number.
Kyle: You don't have a cell phone?
Christine: No.
Kyle: Good girl. The government didn't have to put tracking devices on us. We bought them and put them on ourselves.
Christine: I don't own a tracking device.
Kyle: No, no, no. The cellphones. You see?
Christine: Wow.
Kyle: Yeah I know. I mean, you'll have one eventually. Everyones gonna have one. And then, it'll be a matter of time.
Christine: Before what?
Kyle: Before they put them in our brains.