The Best Randy Pearson Quotes

Randy: This is bad - we destroyed EVERYTHING! On the bright side, I don't live here.

Fez: You know, I'm starting this might not be part of the bachelor party plan. For instance, where are the strippers?
[Eying policewoman]
Fez: Fez: Unless SHE's a stripper...
Randy: You know, she just might be! Why don't you tell her to shake it?
Fez: [Approaching jail cell bars, addressing guard] Hey, mama, why don't you rip off that phony uniform and shake your moneymaker?
Sgt. Davis: Are you talking to me?
[Approaching cell bars and grabbing Fez by the ear]
Sgt. Davis: Because, first of all, I'm not your "mama", and if you EVER talk to me like that again, I will pull you out through these bars and find 50 new ways to use my nightstick!
Fez: [to Randy, in an undertone] She may not be a stripper, but she sure knows how to turn a boy on!

Randy: [to Hyde, after Red storms out] He seemed mad - good thing you don't have to ever see him again!
[Grins sardonically]
Randy: Uh-oh!

Fez: [Sees Caroline] Holy crap! It's Caroline!
Randy: Who's Caroline?
Steven: She went out with Fez. But, he broke up with her because she's crazy. Which is ironic, 'cause that's probably why she went out with him in the first place.
Fez: Guys, I can't let her see me. Hide me!
Randy: [Loudly] Where should we hide you, Fez?
Caroline: [Turns around] Fez?
Fez: Well played, you son of a bitch!

Leo: I did that, Hyde
[left a sandwich in the cash register]
Leo: . Sorry, I've been a little scatterbrained lately.
Randy: That's true, because when I first met you, I said, "That guy is really focused!"

Randy: What we need is a crazy way to get Hyde to the party...
Michael: Wait a minute, I'm a COP!
Randy: That's right - Fez and I can take him out in the El Camino, and you pull us over and arrest us, and take Hyde to the party in a police car!
Michael: No, I left my gun at the playground!
[Runs out in a panic]