50 Best Rat Race Quotes

Merrill: I think this is some kind of scam!
Vera: Oh good, a scam! We'll do it!

Donald: Mr Grisham, tragically, was born without a personality.

[after Sinclair has told them repeatedly to "go", to no avail]
Merrill: So, when you say "go", you mean, just go?
Donald: Uh, begin, commence, start moving... theoretically you have been racing for about forty seconds now, and so far Mr. Schaffer is winning because he's nearest to the door.

Skinhead: [talking about Klaus Barbie] Barbie joined the SS in 1935, where he soon became one of the Führer's favorite young officers.
Jason: Uh, can we go?
Bev: Shh-shh.
Skinhead: ...given a very big responsibility.
Skinhead: Here we see him standing beside Hitler's touring car, the very same car which can be seen on display outside in our courtyard.
[the Pears start to walk towards the exit]
Skinhead: You're leaving?
Randy: What?
[laughs]
Randy: [nervously] No - Yes, well, we have a 4:30 book burning... and then we have a...
Bev: Another christening.
Randy: Yes, a christening... for another one of our many, white, Christian, non-Jewish, uh... friends...
Bev: Family.
Randy: Family, relatives...
Bev: Blood relatives.
Randy: The Himmler... Himmler-Hesse... von... Sturichenbergs.

[Talking about Sinclair and his idea for them competing in the "race"]
Merrill: It's some sort of joke. It has to be.
Duane: What kind of jackass just gives away $2 million?
Owen: Maybe it's a publicity stunt.
Randy: What kind of publicity? He swore us all to secrecy.
Vera: Maybe it's a secret publicity stunt.
Randy: A *secret* publicity stunt?

[Bikers are hitting the car that Randy stole from the Barbie museum]
Randy: Are you insane? This is Hitler's car.

Lucy: How about a pit-stop?
Owen: Sorry, this is a one way flight. There's a bathroom in the back.
Lucy: The latch is broken. Anyone could just walk right in.
Owen: So? Look, you ain't got nothin' these other Lucys haven't seen before.
Lucy: [man's voice] Not necessarily.

Donald: I can do anything I want, I'm eccentric. Aaarrrgh.

Mechanic: [after making some repairs on Tracey's truck] There, it's done, but I still do't think she's gonna hold.
Nick: About how much we owe you?
Mechanic: [shrugs] 500 bucks.
Tracy: For what? For 2 quarts and sealant? No, that's 20 bucks, tops. Here's 40 dollars, that's double what it's worth.
[hands the mechanic 40 dollars and turns to leave]
Mechanic: [pulls a gun from, his belt] Hold it! Another little tool no mechanic should be without!
Nick: Fine, here's your money...
[gives him the money]
Nick: . But let me tell you something, Billy Ray. What goes around comes around.
Tracy: This is so un-... Christian!
Mechanic: Un-Christian? HA! Well, if the good Lord doesn't like the way I conduct business, let him say something! Let him gimme a sign.
[looks up and puts a hand to his ear]
Mechanic: Oh Lord, I'm here, and I'm listening! Helloooooo!
[Veera and her daughter drive past in the rocket car, and the mechanic's gas station collapses]

Randy: Jason, where did you get that?
Jason: I found it under the seat.
Randy: Give it to me. You can't play that.
Jason: Why not?
Randy: Because it's Hitler's harmonica. You can't play Hitler's harmonica.
Jason: You're driving his car!
Randy: Yes, but I'm not touching it with my mouth. I'm not sucking on the dashboard. I'm not getting his germs!

Tracy: [to Shawn] I'll ram this helicopter down your throat!
Nick: No! Woah! What are you doing?
Tracy: Don't worry about me, my father's a Navy pilot! I've been flying since I was 15!
Nick: No, I'm not worried about you, I'm worried about me!

Enrico: Look! A drifter, let's kill him!

Gloria: [after seeing Enrico getting hit by Zack's van] Stay right there! I saw the whole thing. I'll be right down.
Zack: Oh shit! Gloria Allred.

The: You girls wanna buy a squirrel? They make crackerjack pets!

Tracy: So what's wrong with her?
Nick: Who?
Tracy: Your sister. You said it was serious.
Nick: Oh yeah... shark bite.
Tracy: Shark bite?
Nick: Yeah.
Tracy: And they took her to Silver City?
Nick: Yeah, they have a really good shark attack unit there.

[last lines]
Smash: Let's hit the phones out there and crank it up, cause we are going to feed the whole world.

Duane: It's true, you could break your neck. But it's a risk I'm willing to take.

Bev: Your daughter has to go to the bathroom!
Randy: All right, all right, Jason, look in the back for an empty jar.
Bev: A jar? Girls don't pee in jars.
Randy: Oh, right. Sorry. Jason, we're gonna need a jar and a funnel.

[an airplane flies past the Cody brothers as they check their map]
Duane: Where the hell is the airport?

Enrico: Am I too late ? Look I won a coin, a gold coin! Oh, isn't this wonderful? Look at this room, what a beautiful room, have you seen this room?
Randy: Yes! We're in it!

Nick: I think we just killed him!
Tracy: You can't kill him, he's like a cockroach!

[Donald Sinclair welcomes all the people who are invited to compete in the "race."]
Donald: Excuse me. Thank you all for coming. I'm Donald Sinclair, I own this hotel. We don't have much time. There's a meteor the size of North Carolina heading straight for Earth. The impact is going to kill every thing and everyone on this planet. I built a bunker in the basement to this casino strong enough to withstand the blast. There's room enough for eight people. I have chosen the seven of you, plus me. When this is over, it'll be up to us to repopulate and re-civilize the planet.
[Everyone looks shocked for about 5 seconds, before Sinclair begins laughing hysterically]
Donald: I couldn't resist! I'm sorry.

Randy: I do not want to work at Home Depot!

Duane: What do you mean that's it? I'm not giving up! And neither are you! And neither am I!

Nick: My grandfather used to say that good things take time, but great things happen all at once.

Donald: I can do whatever I want. I'm eccentric. Grr!

[after losing the heart]
Enrico: I have lost my heart many times before.
[laughs]
Enrico: I make a joke to help you forget how screwed you are.

Asian: [in Asian accent] He ruined our whole vacation!

[repeated line]
Enrico: It's a race!

Merrill: We're not crazy, lady!
Vera: We should've bought a squirrel, but we didn't buy a squirrel.
Merrill: Which is why we stole the rocket car.

Enrico: I am Enrico Pollini. Now, I know what you are thinking... Enrico is a girl's name.
Owen: No I wasn't.
Enrico: No pun intended.
Owen: What pun was that?

[a hotel employee hands Nick Schaffer his bill]
Nick: What's this $110?
Hotel: Those are your in-room movies.
Nick: No, I didn't watch any movies.
Hotel: Okay, let's see... Afro Whores.
Nick: Afro Whores?
Hotel: You watched it... let's see... uh, 11 times.
Nick: No, no, no...
Hotel: Afro Whores, 2:30. Afro Whores, 4 o'clock. Afro Whores, 5:30. It says in the morning you watched The Grinch for ten minutes and then switched back over to Afro Whores.
Nick: I swear I didn't watch it. Okay? I was at a bachelor party. There were 35 people there. You can ask any of them. You have to take that off my record.
Hotel: This is not a record, sir.
Nick: It... It's a delete.
Hotel: Okay, fine. How many times *did* you watch it?
Nick: None! I didn't watch it!
Hotel: Are you sure? "Sizzling, three-way, backdoor action featuring two sexy soul sisters... "
Nick: [screaming] I don't need to know what it's about! I did not watch it!
[hotel clerk raises her eyebrows]
Nick: I didn't.

Mechanic: Darlin, we don't have any sand.
Tracy: Hello! WE'RE IN THE DESERT!

Nazi: Claus Barbi, a talented ballroom dancer...

Vicki: So Harry, what can I do for you?
Harold: Okay... here's what I want. First we both get naked.
Vicki: So far so good.
Harold: Except... we're both wearing sailor hats. Then we get into a jacuzzi filled with Pepto-Bismol, I clip your toenails, and you shave my buttocks.
Vicki: [shocked] Pardon me?
Harold: Naked, Jacuzzi, Pepto-Bismol, toenails, shave my buttocks. How much would that cost?
Vicki: Harry, you have quite an imagination.

Vera: [dizzy, to a nurse taking mental patients on a trip] We came in a rocket car.

Blaine: Why don't 'oo
[you]
Blaine: do it?
Duane: Because, Einstein, one of us has to be the victim, one of us has to be the witness. What kind of a witness would you make? I'm your own brother, I don't know what the hell you're saying.

[Tracy gives Nick a can of paint while she's throwing debris on her cheating boyfriend's car]
Tracy: C'mon, open it!
Nick: You know, Tracy, I really don't feel comfortable...
Tracy: [yelling] OPEN IT!
Nick: [nervously] Okay.

Jason: I can't believe it, Dad. You stole Adolf Hitler's Mercedes-Benz.
Randy: Well, Hitler had it comin'. What goes around comes around.
Kimberly: Dad, they're gonna be pissed.
Randy: Eh, they're always pissed, Honey. They're Nazis. It's like it's their job.

Enrico: Food. Look at all this food!
[gasps]
Enrico: Little Cock doggies!
Merrill: They're called cocktail weenies.
Enrico: Weenies! Ha! I'm so sorry. My English is not so good. But I'm learning!

Enrico: It's a race!
Enrico: [sees the other contestants on the floor] I'm winning!

Kimberly: [Kimberly needs to go to the bathroom] Dad, I'm prairie dogging it!
Randy: What the hell does that mean?
Jason: You know, like when a prairie dog sticks his head in and out of the ground.
Randy: Oh.
[Five seconds later]
Bev: Ugh!
Randy: Ohh, god, I do not wanna picture that!

Donald: Go!

Enrico: [Gets trown out of the train] Ah! Yes!
Harold: Sir, it's Pollini, he's first at the station.
Enrico: Am i winning?
[Harold Grisham nods towarths the Locker]
Donald: [the high-rollers are cheering] I knew it!
Harold: Sir, he is opening the locker right now.
Donald: [Long pause] Harold, what's going on?
Harold: He's sleeping... Sir.

Enrico: I am getting goose pimples.

[to the woman on the motorcycle driving next to him]
Randy: Hi, I really like your dike... Bike.

Enrico: Look at us go! We're zooming!
Zack: I told you! We're hauling ass!
Enrico: We're hauling ass! All righty!
Zack: Guess what I got back there.
Enrico: You just told me. Ass! We're hauling ass!

Harold: Vicki, you let go of this bag! Or I swear - I swear to God - I'll report you to the escort service!
Donald: Uh, Mr. Grisham, what's going on?
Harold: The hooker! The hooker! The hooker is taking the money!
Donald: What hooker?
Harold: Vicki! From the hotel!
High: Pepto Bismol?
Harold: Vicki, I told you to wait in the car!
Donald: What the hell is she doing there?
Harold: I brought her! I'm sorry, Mr. Sinclair. She said she liked me, but I'm beginning to think she was only interested in the money!

The: They should have bought a squirrel.

Owen: I am not a bus driver! I do not work for the bus company! All right? I... I needed a ride to New Mexico, so I stole this uniform! See this jacket? This is not my jacket! Remember Marty, the bus driver? Huh? This is his shirt! I stole it! And these pants, you think I'd wear these pants? These aren't my pants! These are Marty's pants. I stole them. I am not a bus driver!