50 Best Mystery Men Quotes

The: Captain, I'm just going to ask you directly. Do you know billionaire Lance Hunt?
Capt. Amazing: [whispers] It's me.
[the Shoveller looks surprised, and Capt. Amazing laughs]
Capt. Amazing: Naw, I'm kidding with you, I've always wanted to do that.

The: Lucille, God gave me a gift. I shovel well. I shovel very well.
Lucille: Honey, you shovel better than any man I've ever known, but that does not make you a superhero.
[the Shoveller starts to say something, but Lucille cuts him off]
Lucille: No, listen to me. You're a good husband, and a good father. But that's all. Nothing more.
[she walks off, a small boy hugs the Shoveller's leg]
Roland,: I believe in you, Daddy!
Lucille: [calling] Roland, do NOT encourage your father!

Mr. Furious: They must have ripped the "Q" section out of my dictionary, 'cause I don't know the meaning of the word "quit".

[the Spleen walks to the Bowler making kissing noises and clicks tongue]
The: There's not enough beer in the world, Spleen, I'm sorry.

The: You must be like wolf pack, not six-pack.

Mr. Furious: Looks like tonight the lone wolf rides... alone

Mr. Furious: After all, I am a ticking time bomb of fury.

Mr. Furious: [as the Blue Raja and the Shoveller walk away] Well here I thought I was with a couple of real superheroes, the Shoveller and the Blue Raja! But really, it's Lazy Boy and... and... the recliner! Lazy Boy and the Recliner!

Monica: I don't find you threatening.
Mr. Furious: Oh! Well, you're very, uh... you're very, uh... kind.
Monica: At all.

The: We are number one. All others are number two, or lower.

The: [after leaving the bar] The Shoveller is hammered!

Mr. Furious: Don't mess with the volcano my man, 'cause I will go Pompeii on your... butt.

Mr. Furious: I'm a Pantera's box you do not wanna open.
Casanova: It is "Pandora."
Mr. Furious: Please don't correct me, it sickens me.

Mr. Furious: I don't need a compass to tell me which way the wind shines.

Dr. Heller: It's a psychofrakulator. It creates a cloud of radically-fluctuating free-deviant chaotrons which penetrate the synaptic relays. It's concatenated with a synchronous transport switch that creates a virtual tributary. It's focused onto a biobolic reflector and what happens is that hallucinations become reality and the brain is literally fried from within.

The: May the forks be with us.

Mr. Furious: What kinda crazy man blows up a crazy house?

The: He who questions training only trains himself at asking questions.

The: All right, I'll take point, you two flank. Let's triangulate.
The: Equilateral or isosceles?

The: This is egg salad. It's loaded with cholesterol, the wife won't even let me touch it. It hardly seems to matter now 'cause, chances are, we're already dead. Amazing is gone, there's no use waiting for the cavalry, because as of this moment, the cavalry is *us*!

The: [about to toss her father's skull into the doomsday device] Dad, this is the way it has to be. The upshot is you won't be killed because you're already dead.

The: We're not your classic heroes. We're the other guys.

Mr. Furious: Okay, am I the only one who finds these sayings just a little bit formulaic? "If you want to push something down, you have to pull it up. If you want to go left, you have to go right." It's...
The: Your temper is very quick, my friend. But until you learn to master your rage...
Mr. Furious: ...your rage will become your master? That's what you were going to say. Right? Right?
The: Not necessarily.

Invisible: [after becoming invisible for a moment and reappearing naked] I'm invisible. Can you see me?
The: Yes!
Mr. Furious: Wow.
The: Two hands there, son.
[Invisible Boy covers up]
The: Maybe you should put some shorts on or something, if you want to keep fighting evil today.

Vic: I think, right now, we should focus on the positive. Tonight was good.
Capt. Amazing: Yeah? You think so? Cause I was worried it was, um, I don't know... PATHETIC! "Amazing triumphs at a nursing home"? That's great copy, Vic!
Vic: Look, I'm a publicist, not a magician. You want big news, you have to have big fights. A superhero needs a supervillain - and thanks to you, we've got none left.
Capt. Amazing: Then get... the Death Man!
Vic: Death Man is dead.
Capt. Amazing: Okay... Father Doom!
Vic: Life without parole. Apocalypto's doing fifty years. Armagezzmo's in exile. Baron von Chaos got the chair...
Capt. Amazing: Really?
Vic: Casanova Frankenstein is locked up in a nut-house.
Capt. Amazing: Casanova Frankenstein - now there was a supervillain! You know, he just... he's got those eyes, you know? I can't do it, but... and that voice! Such pure evil! The battles we used to have - extraordinary!
Vic: "Used to." That's the problem, Captain. "Used to."

The: When you care what is outside, what is inside cares for you.

The: Why are you guys always dissing me? It hurts my feelings. I'm a superhero too. I have powers.
Invisible: Really? Like what?
The: So glad you asked. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Well, it all started when I was just 13 years of age. One day, while walking with some friends, I accidentally cut the cheese. Well, in my adolescent awkwardness, I blamed it on an old gypsy woman who happened to be passing by. BIG MISTAKE! The gypsy woman placed a curse upon my head. Because I smelled it, she decreed I would forevermore BE HE WHO DEALT IT!

The: I say, what the fork! Let's do it!

Invisible: [Listing superheroes he has met] Let me see, who else have I met? There's The Pincer, The Pickler, Princess Headbutt, um... White Flight And The Black Menace - they work together.

Mr. Furious: Rage... taking over...
Casanova: Ya, ya, ya. Ve've heard all that before.
Mr. Furious: [Furious' face is all red] No, no, no. Rage... *really* taking over...

Mr. Furious: Hey, I was wondering... have you seen my address book?
The: What did it look like?
Mr. Furious: Uh, it's denim. Says 'hang loose' on it. Picture of a kitten.

[Mr. Furious tries to balance a hammer on his head]
Mr. Furious: Why am I doing this, again?
The: When you can balance a tack hammer on your head, you will head off your foes with a balanced attack.
Mr. Furious: And why am I wearing the watermelon on my feet?
The: [looks at the watermelon on Mr. Furious' feet] I don't remember telling you to do that.

[last lines]
[to the news reporters]
The: Excuse me, could I say something? I think we would all like this victory to go out to all the other guys, and I'm talking about the people in this city who are super good at their jobs but never get any credit. Like the lady in the DMV - that's a rough job.
Invisible: To the people that remember jingles from tons of old commercials.
The: And uh, uh, people that support local music and seek out independent film.
The: And the guy that drives the snow-plow. And the school nurse, that's a...
Mr. Furious: Eddie, Eddie, I think they got the point.
Becky: What's the name of this group?
Invisible: The Super Dudes!
The: No, no, no, not the Super Dudes.
Mr. Furious: We're not the Super Dudes. We don't have a name yet, but we're definitely not the Super Dudes.
The: I gotta get home, it's late...
[a photojournalist approaches]
The: Picture, picture time!
Becky: Well, whatever you call them, Champion City will forever owe a debt of gratitude to these mystery men.
The: Wait! Wait, that's it!... We are the Super Squad.
The: No, no! Alliteration in these situations is corny... What?
[She opens her bag, where Carmine sits smouldering]
The: Yes, we're all very aware that you saved the day, and I'm sure we'll be hearing about it for the rest of our lives...

The: Come on, somebody do something, we need him.
The: Okay. Okay, let's do this. You're a very furious man, do you understand that?
Mr. Furious: No.
The: No? Well you've got a lot to be furious about, and I'll tell you why: You're not well-liked. You're uh, you're abrasive and off-putting. You try and say pithy things, but your wit is a hindrance and so, therefore nothing is provocative. Just mixed metaphors. Now, doesn't that make you angry? Does it infuriate you?
Mr. Furious: No.
The: Well, it should. Aren't you angry? Come on, man!
The: Your penmanship is atrocious!
The: You dress in the manner of a male prostitute!

[the trio talks about recruiting more heroes for the team]
The: Well, there's The Sphinx, of course.
Mr. Furious: The what?
The: The Sphinx.
The: I know this guy. Big crime-fighter from down South. Big-league hitter down there.
Mr. Furious: What's his power?
The: Well, he's terribly mysterious.
Mr. Furious: [dismissively] That's it? That's his power? He's mysterious?
The: Well, TERRIBLY mysterious.
The: Plus he can, like, cut guns in half with his mind.

[the Mystery Men have accidentally killed Capt. Amazing]
The: Oh my god. Oh my god, we killed him.
[the Shoveller is standing on the other side of the room]
The: What do you mean *we*? I was standing right here.

The: Watch it, Spleen, you're going to kill someone with that thing!
Dr. Heller: Oh, no, no, no. All these weapons are completely non-lethal.
The: Wow. How wonderfully eccentric while simultaneously being a complete waste of our time. Good day, sir. I say good day.

The: We've got a blind date with destiny... and it looks like she's ordered the lobster.

[Mr Furious recommends a publicist for him and his friends]
The: What are we gonna publicise, Roy? The fact that we get our butts kicked, a lot?
Mr. Furious: Well, maybe if you didn't smack me in the face with a shovel every time we went out, we'd have a few more victories to brag about.
The: All right now, I'm sorry about that. I just have a tendency to lose my concentration when I've got a salad fork stuck in my rear end.
The: Oh, oh I get it, so YOUR shovel in HIS face is MY fault?
The: You threw a spoon at the guy, Jeff!
Mr. Furious: Yeah, what was up with that?
The: I, I, I am embarrassed about that. I thought it was a fork.
The: You're the master of cutlery. You couldn't throw a knife sometimes when someone's trying to kill me?
The: No, I can't! You couldn't, uh, use a rake sometimes?
The: No. I'm the Shoveler.
The: Well, I'm the Blue Raja. I'm not Stab Man, I'm not Knifey Boy - I'm the Blue Raja.
Mr. Furious: Yeah, that's another thing...
The: What?
Mr. Furious: Well, you could work a little blue into the uniform somewhere. I mean you've got green, you've got this little flowery thing going on, but it's like everything BUT blue.
The: Well, if we could just step out of our literal minds, just for a moment...

Mr. Furious: Okay. Right now, I'm kinda like a powder keg, and you're the match.

Invisible: Hey Dad, I'm going to my room with three strange men.

The: [to her father's skull, after avenging his death] OK, now I'm going back to graduate school. That was the agreement.

The: To learn my teachings, I must first teach you how to learn.

The: Sorry, but am I to understand you've inserted your father's skull inside of that ball for bowling?
The: No, the guy at the pro shop did it.

The: If we had a billionaire like Lance Hunt as our benefactor... yeah, we could spend a hundred and fifty.
Mr. Furious: That's because Lance Hunt IS Captain Amazing!
The: Oh, here we go...
The: Don't start that AGAIN. Lance Hunt wears glasses. Captain Amazing DOESN'T wear glasses.
Mr. Furious: He takes them off when he transforms...
The: That doesn't make any sense. He wouldn't be able to see!

[Mr. Furious, the Blue Raja, and the Shoveller are sneaking across Frankenstein's property to undertake some reconnaissance]
Mr. Furious: Shh! Wait! Hear that? We must have hit a trip-wire. It could be a proton eviscerator heating up.
The: It could be a cybernetic atom scrambler. They target moving objects.
The: It sounds more like a heat-seeking anthrax projection gun to me. Quickly, cover your mouths.
Mr. Furious: No, let's bolt! Come on!
The: No! Don't move.
The: Don't breathe!
Mr. Furious: Let's bolt!
The: Don't move!
The: Don't breathe!
Mr. Furious: Let's bolt!
The: Don't move!
[a sprinkler system turns on and the three are soaked]
The: [disgustedly] Ohh, it's the sprinkler.

Dr. Heller: That's a high-temperature fabric adhesive liquid projector, based on simple dry-cleaning technology. You aim that at a guy, and I'll tell you something: his clothes get so tight he can't even breathe.

The: You must lash out with every limb, like the octopus who plays the drums.

Dr. Heller: If you're gonna bust into that mansion, you're gonna need more than a station wagon.
Mr. Furious: At the auto yard, there's this old Herkimer Battle Jitney. Sally's always telling me to junk it!
Dr. Heller: Wait! You have a Herkimer Battle Jitney? That's the finest nonlethal military vehicle ever made!

Mr. Furious: [talking about Carmine the Bowler] Seems there was a little controversy there regarding your father's death.
The: Yes, the police said he fell down an elevator shaft. Onto some bullets.
The: You know, I've alwas suspected a bit of foul play there.
The: As have I.