50 Best Step by Step Quotes

Jean: What do you think?
Carol: I think you look like Barbara Eden from "I Dream Of Jeannie."
Jean: Well, I think you look like Chrissy from "Three's Company"!

Ryan: I have to go to the bathroom.
[runs off]
Cody: Whoa boy, when nature calls, Ryan really listens, eh?
Brendan: Cody, come here.
Cody: What's up dude?
Brendan: That's not why he's running away, he's kind of embarrassed because he can't read very well.
Cody: Oh, wow, reading problems at the library, eh? That's kind of like being at 31 Flavors and having no tatste buds.

[repeated line]
Jean: That come out wrong.

Cody: Yeah, buddy.

Carol: Well, I'm off to the mall.
Dana: Wait a second. Car keys.
Carol: Excuse me?
Dana: I need the car to go grocery shopping.
Carol: Well how am I supposed to get to the mall?
Dana: What's the matter? Are your legs broken? Walk.
Carol: [murmurs] I'm not liking this game at all.
Dana: Not so far, check book?
Carol: What?
Dana: You're a teenager, you don't have a checkbook. Or credit cards, gimme.
Carol: [groans] Okay, you're the Mom.
Dana: Oh, and uh, take off some of that makeup, I don't want people to think I'm raising a tramp.

Dana: What're you doing with all these books anyway?
Cody: These are the books I read last week, I'm taking them back to the library.
Dana: You read all those books in a week?
Cody: Yeah buddy, yeah I took a speed reading course.
Dana: What made you do that?
Cody: Very interesting story. Well I was watching that movie Psycho you know, eeh eeh eeh! Well anyway, that dude Norman Bates was a taxidermist so I thought, whoa, stuffing dead animals, that sounds pretty cool. So I went down to the community college to take a taxidermy course.
Dana: What does that have to do with speed reading?
Cody: Oh man, did I leave that part out? Well anyway, all the taxidermy classes were full, so I took a speed reading course instead. Now I can read a book like a banshee but I can't stuff a parrot to save my life.

Carol: [whining] I'm pregnant and I can't get up!
Brendan: Great, Shamoo beached herself again.
Carol: Hey guys, next one to make a fat joke, I'm shaving your head when you're asleep.

Dana: How am I supposed to get to the library?
Carol: What's the matter, are your legs broken? Walk.
Dana: Walk? It's almost a mile!
Frank: Wow, a mile, better hitch up the camels.

Karen: Listen, J.T., I've been thinking about it and I want to let you know that I feel real bad about getting you in trouble so I want to apologize. I'm really sorry. I hope you can forgive me.

Cody: Woah! A Canadian penny! Now I can buy bubble gum! That is, if I go to Canadia.

Mark: J.T. said I can't apologize, because that would make me a wimp.
Cody: Okay, I just have one more small question for you... *why* would you take advice from a *bonehead* like J.T.?
Mark: You said that already.
Cody: I know, I'm using repetitious dialogue to prove a point. Now think about it, what does JT have? He has the swimsuit issues, and he has the bun cruncher channel. What does he know about women?

Cody: You look like you got a little droop in your drawers.
Mark: I had a rough night. Gabrielle and I had a little brouhaha.
Cody: Brouhaha, man that Hungarian food's a killer, did that paprika give you a scooch 1-2-3?
Mark: No, Cody, we had a fight.
Cody: Wow, a fight and a scooch 1-2-3, you *did* have a rough night.
Mark: It was such a stupid fight, I feel awful.
Cody: Then why don't you just go upstairs and apologize?
Mark: J.T. told me real men don't apologize.
Cody: Okay, I just have one small question for you... why would you take advice from a *bonehead* like JT?

John Thomas 'J.T.' Lambert: [Screams and storms downstairs to the kitchen] You Carol, you did this to me? How am I supposed to get chicks when I look like The Riddler?

Cody: Hey, the Codeman's back. Meat loaf, all right. You were having meat loaf when I left.

Cody: Dude!

Alicia: Parents get so uptight about teaching their kids to drive. I'm gonna have my friend Debbie teach me.
Frank: Demolition Debby? I don't think so.

Frank: [to Carol] If you're going to read, I'm going to read too, where's my Garfield book?

John Thomas 'J.T.' Lambert: Son, you know when you cheat, you're only cheating yourself.
Frank: Come on, J.T., give me a break, I've been out of school for 20 years, I can't do this stuff.
John Thomas 'J.T.' Lambert: Well then we'll just have to get you a tutor.
Frank: And where are you going to find a tutor on Sunday?
John Thomas 'J.T.' Lambert: [calls up the stairs] MARK!
Frank: Oh no, you can't lock me in a room with Mr. Wizard and an Algebra book.
John Thomas 'J.T.' Lambert: Sure I can, I'm the dad, remember?

Gabrielle,: Be still, my heart.
J.T: Be still, my lunch.

Danny: You know what, Codeman, you're actually making history okay.
Cody: Dude you think this is fun, just wait till I fire off this authentic Civil War cannon. Ready, aim, booyah!
[cannon fires]
Cody: Dude, where'd that cannon ball come from? Man, I thought I was shooting blanks!

Carol: Frank, did I have another nightmare?
Frank: Duh! If you don't stop reading that book, I'm gonna go bald!

Carol: [singing to her stomach] You're gonna be a beautiful baby, even though your mommy's a cow.

Carol: Frank, Frank wake up, Frank!
Frank: I'm sorry Mommy, it's not my magazine.

Gabrielle: I was a pain in the B-U-T-T.
Cody: [laughing] She spelled butt!
[chuckles]
Cody: That's cute!

Ryan: I don't really like the library.
Cody: Ryan, dude! Are you kidding? The library's totally awesome, it's like a travel agency for the mind. Anyplace you want to go, you can get there just by opening a book, you want to go to Mars? Boom! Astronomy. Like dinosaurs? Boom! Prehistoric history. Like northern Italian cuisine? Boom, we've got a killer pizza parlor next to the library.

Cody: Library is totally awesome! It's like a travel agency for your mind.

Cody: Guess between the known and the unknown lies the Codeman.

John Thomas 'J.T.' Lambert: I'm sick of doing laundry! I mean we're the parents, right? Why can't we just burn this stuff and buy new clothes?
Dana: Look, don't tell me your problems, I've been in this kitchen all day cooking for those brats. 'I'm hungry', 'I want a sandwich', 'make me a hamburger', what do they think this is, a restaurant?

Dana: [Cody drops a box on her breakfast] Cody, do you mind picking up that box?
Cody: Well yeah, it's kind of heavy, that's why I put it down.
Dana: You just squashed my breakfast.
Cody: No way!
[picks up the box, the waffle's stuck to the box]
Cody: Doesn't look very appetizing, you were going to eat that?
Dana: Not anymore.

Frank: My firstborn is not brain dead and that's cause for a celebration.

Cody: Ah the noble library! The Bastian of books! The Fort Knox of knowledge! And the only place left in America where you can still get a photocopy for a penny!

Dana: Lose the Elton John shoes.
Rich: But they're really working for me.
Dana: No, they're really, really not.

Frank: J.T., you don't look so good.
J.T: [groggy] You should see the bathroom.

Frank: I guess I better turn in too, I got a big day of watching football tomorrow.
John Thomas 'J.T.' Lambert: And mowing the lawn.
Frank: I'll mow the lawn.
John Thomas 'J.T.' Lambert: And washing the cars.
Frank: I'll wash the cars.
John Thomas 'J.T.' Lambert: And doing your Algebra homework.
Frank: Excuse me?
John Thomas 'J.T.' Lambert: Well you're me, remember? You've got a take-home test in Algebra and you better do well, because I hear you're flunking.

Narrator: The family she loved was no longer her family. Whatever dark force consumed them turned their eyes into a horrifying shade of red, and gave them an insatiable hunger for human flesh.

Dana: Mom, can I borrow the car?
Carol: Sorry honey, I need it today.
Dana: For what?
Carol: Oh nothing much, I just have to pick up the cleaning, go to the post office, take Al to soccer practice, Brendan to Little League, go to the bank, the hardware store, the shoe repair and the drugstore. You know, just a joyriding kind of day.

Dana: You guys are hot! There is blood in the water, I can smell it! I love blood!
Cody: Dana's right, a little grizzly, but right.

J.T: Think about it; if you were dead, then we couldn't see you.

Dana: [after hearing a knock on the door] Oh my god. It's my mom. Quick, everybody under the bed.
Traci: Dana, relax. It's not your mother. I'm sure it's just the pizzas.

Cody: We have a little unfinished business upstairs.
John Thomas 'J.T.' Lambert: What?
Cody: Basic Economics. What, you think since you have dyslexia you can keep goofing off? Man now you need to work even harder.
John Thomas 'J.T.' Lambert: Harder? It was better when everyone thought I was just stupid.

Cody: Brendan tells me that you're having a little bit of trouble reading.
Ryan: He told you that? I thought he's my friend.
Cody: Oh he is, he wasn't trying to rat you out. No he just thought I could help you.
Ryan: I don't think anyone can help me, I'm not that good at reading.
Cody: Ryan, dude, learning how to read is just like learning how to play the guitar man. Nobody is good right away, you've got to practice.

Carol: Frank, don't you want another child?
Frank: Carol, I don't want more, I want less. I'd trade two of them in for golf clubs.

Carol: [bent over the coffee table] Frank, I am tired of being the butt of everybody's jokes.
Frank: Well face it, Carol, right now your butt's a pretty big target.

J.T: This stinks. In 20 years, I'm not gonna need algebra!
Frank: You will if you're still in high school.

Frank: I figured he was gonna be bad. He's not even good enough to be bad.

Frank: [sitting on the armchair doing a crossword puzzle] A city in Texas, 6 letters?
Carol: Well, Frank--D-A-L-L-A-S !

Cody: Whoa, it's like my brain has a mind of its own!

Narrator: Die, Mommy Die, Chapter One. She was a normal housewife, living in what she thought was a safe little town. Little did she know that a deadly evil was lurking by her front door.
Carol: Uh Frank, would you mind going downstairs and making sure the front door is locked?
Frank: Oh come on, honey, we live in a safe little town.
Carol: Yeah well that's where evil always lurks.

Dana: J.T.? Where is J.T.?
Alicia: J.T.!
[J.T. screams as he falls down the chimney]
Dana: J.T., you're under the fireplace!
John Thomas 'J.T.' Lambert: Tell me something I don't know.
Alicia: Well, are you all right?
John Thomas 'J.T.' Lambert: [sarcastically] I'm great. I'm thinking of moving my bed in here! Can you get me out? Hel-lo!

Carol: Hey, Frank, have you ever heard of a little place in Mekwan called Jake's?
Frank: Yeah, it's a bar.
Carol: No! I think it's more like a little club.
Frank: Carol, the only little club at Jake's is the one the bouncer carries. It's a tough place. It's got a two fight minimum.
Carol: Oh no! You're kidding. Oh no! I told Dana she could go there Saturday Night.
Frank: Now, Carol, if Dana were my daughter, there is no way she would be going to Jake's.
Carol: Yeah, we'd better talk to her about it.
Frank: Carol, I don't think this is a "we" situation, I think this is more of a "you" situation. You see Dana and I haven't exactly bonded yet.
Carol: Yeah, you're right. OK, I'll leave you completely out of this. Next time I see her, I'll just lay down the law and tell her she can't go and that's final.