The Best Barbara Reynolds Quotes

Dennis: There's this guy, Bruce, who contacted Dee on MySpace, and he's claiming to be our biological father.
Dee: We just wanted to ask the question and just get it out of the way, is there a chance that that could be possible?
Frank: No.
Barbara: Yes.
Frank: What?
Barbara: Well, Bruce who? Bruce Mathis?
Dee: Yeah.
Barbara: Then yes.
Dee: There's a chance this guy could be our father?
Barbara: No, yes, he *is* your father.
Frank: What the hell are you talking about?
Barbara: Do we really have to get into all of this?
Frank: Yes, we really have to get into all of this!
Dennis: [overlapping] Oh, my god, yes!
Barbara: Fine, fine, fine! Everybody settle down. It's not the end of the world. A long time ago, I met Bruce and we had this little affair, or whatever you want to call it. Long story short: he got me pregnant and I had to make a decision. Seeing as he had no money, I decided that the best thing for everyone was if I didn't tell Bruce and let your father think that the twins were his. End of story.
Dennis: [shocked] End of story?
Frank: How could you do that?
Barbara: I'm sorry. Would you rather I had them aborted?
[to Dennis and Dee]
Barbara: Children, would you like to have been aborted?

Mrs. Reynolds: Jesus Christ, Frank. This place is a shit hole! Is this how you've been living?
Frank: We make it work. What do you want?
Mrs. Reynolds: I want to talk.
Frank: I tried to talk to you weeks ago. You went on vacation.
Mrs. Reynolds: I was trying to scare some sense into you. You were talking about giving away all of our money.
Frank: My money. I made it, you spent it.
Charlie: Burn. There you go, buddy.
[Charlie and Frank hi-five]
Mrs. Reynolds: How can you say that to me? After everything I've done for you. While you were out making money, who do you think was at home cooking and cleaning and raising your children?
Frank: A series of Mexican women?
Charlie: A series... unbelievable, dude. You're on fire.
[they hi-five again]
Mrs. Reynolds: You can choose to live like an animal if you want to, but I refuse to be subjected to it. I want my shit back. You took my shit from our home and I want it back.
Frank: Well, I didn't take anything.
Mrs. Reynolds: It's empty. Someone came in and took everything.
Frank: Maybe you should have somebody deported like you used to in the old days.
Charlie: Beautiful.
[Charlie hi-fives Frank and is then slapped in the face by Barbara]
Mrs. Reynolds: I can't even talk to you anymore. Standing up for yourself. Standing up for immigrants! I don't know what you're turning into Frank, but it's making me sick!

Dennis: Hey, pal. How- how you feeling?
Boy: It hurts everywhere.
Dennis: Well...
Dee: Well, it- Everything's gonna be okay.
Barbara: You don't know that, Deandra.
Dee: Shut up, Mother.
Barbara: I don't think we should be lying to the sick children.
Dee: I was trying to be encouraging.
Barbara: Well, what if he doesn't get better? You're gonna look like a fool.
Dennis: Mom, I gotta say I agree with Dee. I mean, the kid's gonna die anyway. What difference does it make?
Boy: I can hear you.

Dennis: I am not banging my sister.
Barbara: Jesus Christ! What have I walked into here?
Dee: Oh my God.
Barbara: You two aren't having *sex* together...
Dennis: No, we're not having sex.
Frank: What the hell is she doing here?
Dee: Sit down please, Mom.
Barbara: I am not getting pulled into any sort of perverted sex talk.
Dennis: It's not perverted!
Frank: Banging your sister is perverted, Dennis!
Dennis: [shouts] I am not banging my sister!

Dee: I haven't seen you for a month, and I'm standing here in a neck brace. Are you gonna ask me how I'm doing... or what happened... or...
Mrs. Reynolds: I assume you did something stupid.
Dee: Dennis ran me over with his car!
Mrs. Reynolds: There you go again! Don't you think it's about time you start taking responsibility for your actions?
Dee: I...
Mrs. Reynolds: [interrupting her] I want my possessions returned.
[Barbara feeds her dog some food from a plate]
Dee: I was eating that, mother!
Mrs. Reynolds: I've been running around. I haven't had time to feed the dog. Could you stop thinking about yourself for once? And besides, you don't need it, sweetie.
[Dee gasps, squeals, and storms off]
Mrs. Reynolds: Well that's attractive. Maybe if you took a bit more pride in your appearance you could find a man, and then you wouldn've have to steal from your mother. I mean, look at your skin, Deandra. Christ, there is a sun in Philadelphia.