The Best Chutney Quotes

Elle: Ms. Windham, what had you done earlier that day?
Chutney: I got up, got a latte, went to the gym, got a perm, and came home.
Elle: [looks up suddenly] Where you got in the shower?
The Honorable Marina R. Bickford: I believe the witness has made it clear that she was in the shower.
[courtroom audience laughs]
Elle: Yes, your Honor. Ms. Windham, had you ever gotten a perm before?
Chutney: Yes.
Elle: How many, would you say?
Chutney: Two a year since I was 12. You do the math.
Elle: [nods, smiles knowingly] You know, a girl in my sorority, Tracy Marcinco, got a perm once. We all tried to talk her out of it. Curls weren't a good look for her. She didn't have your bone structure. But thankfully, that same day, she entered the Beta Delta Pi wet t-shirt contest, where she was completely hosed to down from head to toe...
DA: Objection, why is this relevant?
Elle: Oh, I have a point, I promise.
The Honorable Marina R. Bickford: Then make it.
Elle: Yes. Chutney, why is it Tracy Marcinco's curls were ruined when she got hosed down?
Chutney: Because they got wet.
Elle: Exactly. Because isn't the first cardinal rule of perm maintenance that you're forbidden to wet your hair for at least 24 hours after getting a perm at the risk of deactivating the ammonium thioglycolate?
Chutney: [nervous] Uh... y-yes.
Elle: And wouldn't somebody who's had, say, thirty perms before in their life be well aware of this rule? And if, in fact, you weren't washing your hair, as I suspect you weren't because your curls are still intact, wouldn't you have heard the gunshot? And if, in fact, you had heard the gunshot, Brooke Windham wouldn't have had time to hide the gun before you got downstairs. Which would mean that you would have had to found Mrs. Windham with a gun in her hand to make your story plausible, isn't that right?
Chutney: [desperate] She's my age! Did she tell you that? How would you feel if your father married someone who was your age?
Elle: You, however, had time to hide the gun, didn't you, Chutney? After you shot your father.
Chutney: I didn't mean to shoot him!
[points at Brooke]
Chutney: I thought it was YOU walking through the door!