50 Best Legally Blonde Quotes

Elle: [after Warner asks her out after the trial] But if I'm going to be a partner in a law firm by the time I'm 30, I need a boyfriend who's not such a complete bonehead.

Elle: Ms. Windham, what had you done earlier that day?
Chutney: I got up, got a latte, went to the gym, got a perm, and came home.
Elle: [looks up suddenly] Where you got in the shower?
The Honorable Marina R. Bickford: I believe the witness has made it clear that she was in the shower.
[courtroom audience laughs]
Elle: Yes, your Honor. Ms. Windham, had you ever gotten a perm before?
Chutney: Yes.
Elle: How many, would you say?
Chutney: Two a year since I was 12. You do the math.
Elle: [nods, smiles knowingly] You know, a girl in my sorority, Tracy Marcinco, got a perm once. We all tried to talk her out of it. Curls weren't a good look for her. She didn't have your bone structure. But thankfully, that same day, she entered the Beta Delta Pi wet t-shirt contest, where she was completely hosed to down from head to toe...
DA: Objection, why is this relevant?
Elle: Oh, I have a point, I promise.
The Honorable Marina R. Bickford: Then make it.
Elle: Yes. Chutney, why is it Tracy Marcinco's curls were ruined when she got hosed down?
Chutney: Because they got wet.
Elle: Exactly. Because isn't the first cardinal rule of perm maintenance that you're forbidden to wet your hair for at least 24 hours after getting a perm at the risk of deactivating the ammonium thioglycolate?
Chutney: [nervous] Uh... y-yes.
Elle: And wouldn't somebody who's had, say, thirty perms before in their life be well aware of this rule? And if, in fact, you weren't washing your hair, as I suspect you weren't because your curls are still intact, wouldn't you have heard the gunshot? And if, in fact, you had heard the gunshot, Brooke Windham wouldn't have had time to hide the gun before you got downstairs. Which would mean that you would have had to found Mrs. Windham with a gun in her hand to make your story plausible, isn't that right?
Chutney: [desperate] She's my age! Did she tell you that? How would you feel if your father married someone who was your age?
Elle: You, however, had time to hide the gun, didn't you, Chutney? After you shot your father.
Chutney: I didn't mean to shoot him!
[points at Brooke]
Chutney: I thought it was YOU walking through the door!

[Elle is presiding at her sorority meeting]
Elle: It has come to my attention that the maintenance staff is switching our toilet paper from Charmin... to generic. All those opposed to chafing, please say "Aye".
Entire: Aye.

Elle: [to Emmett] So, if you don't know an answer they're just gonna kick you out.
Emmett: So you have Stromwell, huh?
Elle: Yes. Did she do that to you too?
Emmett: No, but she did make me cry once... not in class I waited until I got back to my room, but yeah she'll kick you right in the balls, or wherever.

Elle: Because I'm not a Vanderbilt, suddenly I'm white trash? I grew up in Bel Air, Warner. Across the street from Aaron Spelling. I think most people would agree that's a lot better than some stinky old Vanderbilt.

Serena: Oh look, there's Elle! Elle, we came to see your trial and look! There's like a judge and everything... and jury people.
Margot: VOTE FOR ELLE!
The Honorable Marina R. Bickford: Ladies, take a seat!

Elle: Is that low-viscosity rayon? With a half-loop top stitching on the hem?
Boutique: Of course. It's one of a kind.
Elle: It's impossible to use a half-loop stitching on low-viscosity rayon. It would snag the fabric. And you didn't just get it in - I saw it in the June Vogue a year ago. So if you're trying to sell it to me for full price, you've picked the wrong girl.

Professor: If you're going to let one stupid prick ruin your life... you're not the girl I thought you were.

Warner: If I want to be a Senator, I need to marry a Jackie, not a Marilyn.

Elle: I feel comfortable using legal jargon in everyday life.
[someone whistles at her]
Elle: I object!

Elle: That's great, Paulette. Is that the only interaction you two have ever had?
Paulette: No! Sometimes I say "okay" instead of "fine."

Emmett: I can't believe you just called me a butthead. I don't think anybody has called me a butthead since the 9th grade.
Elle: Maybe not to your face.

Elle: Oh Warner, do you remember when we spent those four amazing hours in the hot tub together after winter formal?
Warner: Uhh, ye... no?
Elle: Well this is so much better than that! Excuse me, I have some shopping to do.

Emmett: Did you take Mrs. Windham on a date?
Enrique: Yes.
Emmett: Where?
Enrique: A restaurant in Concord, where no one could recognize us.
Emmett: How long have you been sleeping with Mrs. Windham?
Enrique: Three months.
Emmett: And your boyfriend's name is...
Enrique: Chuck.
Emmett: Right.
[Everyone gasps/laughs]
Enrique: Pardon me, pardon me. I thought you said friend; Chuck is just a friend.
Chuck: YOU BITCH!

Paulette: So what's a girl to do? He's a guy who followed his pecker to greener pastures. I'm a middle aged, high school drop out with stretch marks and a fat ass.

Elle: The rules of hair care are simple and finite. Any Cosmo girl would have known.

Paulette: Is she as pretty as you?
Elle: She could use some mascara and some serious highlights, but she's not completely unfortunate looking.

Margot: Here, you're gonna need this.
Elle: Your scrunchie?
Margot: My LUCKY scrunchie. It helped me pass Spanish.
Serena: You passed Spanish because you gave Professor Montoya a lap dance after the final.
Margot: Yeah... Luckily!

Professor: Do you think she woke up one morning and said "I think I'll go to law school today"?

Enrique: Don't stomp your little last season Prada shoes at me, honey.
Elle: These aren't last season!
[looks down, gasps, runs back into court room]
Elle: He's gay! Enrique is gay!

Warner: Pooh-bear, you're not serious enough...
Elle: [firmly] Well, I'm serious about this, Warner.
Warner: No. I mean, I'm sorry but, you're never going to be smart enough for lessons in law.
[Elle silently, yet suddenly discovers that Warner doesn't respect her and never will respect her]
Elle: I'm never going to be good enough for you, am I?

Warner: You got into Harvard Law?
Elle: What? Like it's hard?

Maurice: Oh, my God, the bend and snap works every time!

Elle's: Honey, you were First Runner-Up at the "Miss Hawaiian Tropics" contest. Why are you going to throw that all away?
Elle: Going to Harvard is the only way I'm going to get the love of my life back.
Elle's: Oh, sweetheart, you don't need law school. Law school is for people who are boring and ugly and serious. And you, button, are none of those things.

Elle: This is what I need to become.
Old: What? Practically deformed?
Elle: No, a law student.

[Elle sees David the geek trying unsuccessfully to get a date with two lovely girls, who mock him, and decides to help by making the girls think she dated David]
Elle: Excuse me.
[Elle turns around and slaps David]
Elle: Why didn't you call me? We spent a beautiful night together and I haven't heard from you since.
David: [pause] I'm sorry?
Elle: Sorry for what? For breaking my heart, or for giving me the greatest pleasure I've ever known and just taking it away?
David: Both?
Elle: Well, forget it. I've spent too much time crying over you.
[Elle walks away, and the girls change their mind about him]
Girl: So, when did you wanna go out?

Elle: You're breaking up with me because I'm too... blonde?
Warner: Well, no. That's not entirely true...
Elle: Then what? My boobs are too big?

Elle: I just don't think that Brooke could've done this. Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't.

Elle: No more boring suits or pantyhose, I'm trying to be somebody I'm not.

Elle: For that matter, any masturbatory emissions, where the sperm is clearly not seeking an egg, could be termed reckless abandonment.
Professor: You've just won your case.

Elle: [on video essay] ... and that's why you should vote for me. Elle Woods: future lawyer for the class of 2004.
Admissions: She does have a 4.0 from CULA and she got a 179 on LSATs.
Head: Fashion major?
Admissions: Well sir we've never had one before and aren't we always looking for diversity?
Admissions: Her list of extra-curricular activities is impressive.
Head: She was in a Ricky Martin video.
Admissions: Clearly, she's interested in music.
Head: She also designed a line of faux-fur panties for her sorority's charity project.
Admissions: Uh huh, she's a friend to the animals as well as a philanthropist.
Head: Elle Woods.
[pause]
Head: Welcome to Harvard.

Brooke: I was getting...
[whispers]
Brooke: liposuction.
Elle: I'm sorry, what?
Brooke: [whispers a little louder] I was getting liposuction.
Elle: Huh?
Brooke: [shouting] LIPOSUCTION!
Elle: [gasps loudly]
Brooke: OH GOD!
Elle: [low voice] NO...
Brooke: I know! I'm a fraud! It's not like normal women can have this ass! If my fans knew that I bought it, I would lose everything!
[sadly]
Brooke: I've already lost my husband.
[bitterly]
Brooke: I'd rather go to jail than lose my reputation.
Elle: [understanding] Brooke, your secret's safe with me.
Brooke: [tearfully, yet thankfully] Thank you.

Warner: Excuse me, I'm sorry... are you here to see me?
Elle: No, silly. I go here!

Elle: I'm reading about the LSATs.
Serena: My cousin had that once. Apparently you get a really bad rash on your...

Elle: I don't need back-ups. I'm going to Harvard.
C.U.L.A. Advisor: Well then, you'll need excellent recommendations from your professors.
Elle: Okay.
C.U.L.A. Advisor: And a heck of an admissions essay.
Elle: Right.
C.U.L.A. Advisor: And at least a 175 on your LSATs.
Elle: I once had to judge a tighty-whitey contest for Lambda Kappa Pi. Trust me, I can handle anything.

Vivian: You know, I'm still shocked that you didn't give Callahan the alibi.
Elle: It wasn't my alibi to tell.
Vivian: I know, I thought that was very... classy of you.

Elle: I promised her, and I can't break the bonds of sisterhood.
Professor: Screw sisterhood! This is a murder investigation! Not some scandal at the sorority house!

Elle: Hi. I'm Elle Woods and this is Bruiser Woods. We're both Gemini vegetarians.

Paulette: [Elle is in tears at the salon after she finds out Warner dumped her for her new rival, Vivian] So what's this Vivian got that you don't have? Three tits?

Elle: [from deleted scene] She told me I look like Britney Spears! Why would she say that if she doesn't like me?

Brooke: Are you one of my lawyers?
Elle: Sort of.
Brooke: Well thank God one of you has a brain.

Elle: Bend and snap.

Warner: Pooh bear, just get in the car.
Elle: No.
[starts walking away, sniffling]
Warner: You're gonna ruin your shoes.
Elle: Okay.
[gets in car]

Elle: And last week I saw Cameron Diaz at Fred Segal, and I talked her out of buying this truly heinous angora sweater. Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed.

Paulette: [to her ex-husband] I'm takin' the dog... DUMBASS!

Elle: Uh. I'm sorry. I just hallucinated.

Vivian: Nice outfit.
Elle: Oh, I like your outfit too, except when I dress up as a frigid bitch, I try not to look so constipated.

Elle: Did you see him? He's probably still scratching his head.
Paulette: Yeah, which must be a nice vacation for his balls.

Boutique: There's nothing I love better than a dumb blonde with Daddy's plastic.

Elle: [wearing a bunny costume and shopping for a laptop computer] Don't ask.
Emmett: Wasn't gonna.