Top 50 Quotes From Deadpool

Juggernaut: I'm gonna rip you in half now.
Deadpool: That is such a Juggernaut thing to say!

Deadpool: [as Angel Dust walk towards them] Finish fucking her the fuck up.
Colossus: Language, please.
Deadpool: Suck a cock.

Weasel: Meet Bedlam.
Deadpool: Cool name. Superpowers?
Bedlam: I can distort electrical fields. Including the one inside your brain, causing anxiety, confusion, pain.
Deadpool: So, basically, you're Dave Matthews.

Deadpool: Whatever they did to me made me totally indestructible... and completely unfuckable.

Blind: I get why you're so pissy, but your mood's never gonna brighten 'till you find this woman and tell her how you feel.
Deadpool: What do I keep telling you, Mrs. Magoo? She wouldn't have me. If you could see me, you'd understand.
Blind: Looks aren't everything.
Deadpool: Looks ARE everything! Ever heard Dave Beckham speak? It's like he mouth-sexed a can of helium. You think Ryan Reynolds got this far on a superior acting method?
Blind: Love is blind, Wade.
Deadpool: No. You're blind.
Blind: So you're just gonna lie there and whimper?
Deadpool: No, I'm gonna wait 'till this arm plows through puberty, and then I'll come up with a whole new Christmas day plan.

[in the midst of a car crash]
Deadpool: Shit. Did I leave the stove on?

[from leaked test footage]
Deadpool: Crime's the disease, meet the cure. Okay, not the cure, but more like a topical ointment to reduce the swelling and itch. Hi, Tom!

Deadpool: [fighting the Juggernaut] Hey, big guy, the sun's getting real low.

Deadpool: What do you get when you take 8-feet of chrome, one pinch of courage, a cup of good luck, a dab of racism, a splash of diabetes, and a wheelbarrow of stage 4 cancer? Answer: A family. See? I didn't lie what kind of film this was. If there's anything you take away today - other than the need to google "what the fuck is dubstep" - it's that we all need to belong to someone.

Deadpool: [farts] Hashtag drive-by.

Deadpool: [Commenting on her shaved head] Ripley, from Alien 3!
Negasonic: Fuck, you're old.
Deadpool: [cackles] Fake laugh. Hiding real pain. Go get Silver Balls.

Deadpool: I didn't ask to be super, and I'm no hero. But when you find out your worst enemy is after your best girl, the time has come to be a fucking superhero.

Deadpool: [to the audience in the after credits scene] You're still here? It's over. Go home! Oh, you're expecting a teaser for Deadpool 2. Well, we don't have that kind of money. What are you expecting, Sam Jackson show up with an eyepatch and a saucy little leather number? Go, go.
Credits: The making and authorized distribution of this film supported over 13,000 jobs and involved hundreds of thousands of work hours.
Deadpool: Oh, but I can tell you one thing and it's a bit of a secret. In the sequel, we're gonna have Cable. Amazing character. Bionic arm, time travel. We have no idea who we're gonna cast yet but it could be anybody. We just need a big guy with a flat top. Could be Mel Gibson, Dolph Lundgren, Keira Knightley, she's got range, who knows? Anyway, big secret, ssshhhh. Oh and don't leave your garbage all lying around. It's a total dick move. Go. Chicka-chickahhhh.

Deadpool: I should've come and found you sooner, but the guy under this mask, he ain't the same one that you remember.
Vanessa: You mean this mask?
[takes off mask to reveal cheap paper mask of Wolverine]
Deadpool: And this one, in case the other fell off.
[she peels off the mask]
Vanessa: Wow.
Wade: Yeah.
Vanessa: After a brief adjustment period and a bunch of drinks, it's a face... I'd be happy to sit on.

Deadpool: [shot in the butt] Right up Main Street.

Deadpool: And you are?
Negasonic: Negasonic Teenage Warhead.
Deadpool: Negasonic Teenage... what the shit? That's the coolest name ever!

Firefist: Stay back or Justin Bieber dies!
Deadpool: [to Negasonic Teenage Warhead] Ha! Justin Bieber. He called you Justin Bieber.

Deadpool: [Shoving car's cigarette lighter into goon's mouth] I've never said this to anyone before, but don't swallow!

Deadpool: Time to make the chimi-fuckin'-changas.

[Wastes two bullets on the corpse of a goon who shot him in the ass]
Deadpool: Ugh, stupid, stupid. Worth it!

Deadpool: Daddy needs to express some rage.
[starts firing his guns]

Deadpool: [to Colossus] Listen, the day I decide to become a crime-fighting shit swizzler, who rooms with a bunch of other little whiners at the Neverland Mansion of some creepy, old, bald, Heaven's Gate-looking motherfucker... on that day, I'll send your shiny, happy ass a friend request!

Deadpool: You're probably thinking, "My boyfriend said this was a superhero movie, but that guy in the red suit just turned that other guy into a fucking kabab!" Well, I may be super, but I'm no hero. And yeah, technically, this is a murder. But some of the best love stories start with a murder. And that's exactly what this is, a love story. And to tell it right... I gotta take you back to long before I squeezed this ass into red spandex.

Deadpool: [Punches Colussus in the groin, breaking his hand] Ahhh! Your poor wife!

Weasel: And last but not least... Peter.
Deadpool: Any power you wanna tell us about?
Peter: I don't... I don't have one. Um, I just saw the ad.
Deadpool: No superpowers at all?
Peter: Uh, I have both type 1 and 2 diabetes.
Deadpool: Ow! Oh!
Weasel: That's all the diabetes.
Deadpool: Right. Yeah, you got them all. If you find a type 3, let us know. Yeah. You're in.

Cable: There's nothing I can't kill.
Deadpool: Well, as Scoutmaster Kevin used to say... "There's a first time for everything,son." Give me your best shot, One-Eyed Willy.
[cuts down one bullet then gets riddled by more bullets]
Deadpool: Those bullets were, like, super fast.

Firefist: How do you know what I want?
Deadpool: Because I've been inside you. That came out wrong. I've been inside your shoes, which is also off-putting.

Deadpool: [to Angel Dust] You're a lovely lady, but I'm saving myself for Francis. That's why I brought him.
Colossus: I prefer not to hit a woman, so please...
[Colossus charges at Angel... who decks him and sends him flying]
Deadpool: I mean, that's why I brought her?
[points at Negasonic Teenage Warhead, who is busy on her phone]
Deadpool: Oh, no, finish your tweet. It's not... That's... Just give us a second. Yeah. There you go. Hashtag it. Go get her, tiger.
[Negasonic Teenage Warhead attacks Angel Dust with a fiery explosion]
Deadpool: Oh, I so pity the dude who pressures her into prom sex.

Deadpool: Only best buddies execute pedophiles together.

[Thugs surround the SUV that Deadpool attacked. A window opens...]
Deadpool: [raises his hands] Wait! You may be wondering, "Why the red suit?" Well, that's so bad guys can't see me bleed.
[points at a thug on the left]
Deadpool: This guy's got the right idea. he wore the brown pants.

Deadpool: From the studio that inexplicably sewed his fucking mouth shut the first time comes five-time Academy Award viewer, Ryan Reynolds in an eHarmony date with destiny. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... me! Deadpool.

Firefist: [trying to get the collar off of Deadpool's neck] We need a code.
Domino: Try, uh... seven?
Deadpool: Settle down, Captain Lucky, it's not gonna be one number.
[Firefist presses the number 7 and unlocks the collar]
Deadpool: God, that's lazy writing.

Deadpool: I don't know how to thank you, but I do know how to hug you.
Cable: No.
Deadpool: [gets closer to Cable] Yes. Here we go. Bring it in.
[hugging Cable]
Deadpool: Come on. Pelvis to pelvis. Let's go tip to tip. There we go, the kids call this docking.
[hears a knife open]
Deadpool: Is there a knife in my dick?
Cable: There's a knife in your dick, yeah.

Deadpool: [waving his broken wrists] All dinosaurs feared the T-Rex!

Colossus: You will come talk with Professor Xavier.
Deadpool: McAvoy or Stewart? These timelines can get so confusing.

[after Deadpool realizes Cable traveled back in time to save him]
Deadpool: You time-sliding son of a bitch. You did this for me? Wait, you can't go back. You used the last of your fuel. What about your girl and your wife?
Cable: No, my family's safe. And I didn't do it for you. No, I'm gonna stick around for a while and make sure the world doesn't shit itself into oblivion.
Deadpool: No, you did it for me.
Cable: No, I didn't.
Deadpool: You did.
Cable: No, I didn't.
Deadpool: Pretty sure you did.
Cable: No, I'm positive I didn't.
Deadpool: Fine. Alright, let's flip a coin, okay? Heads, you did it for me. Tails, you did it for me.
[flips coin]
Deadpool: I'm not even gonna look because you did it for me.
Cable: Say it again.
Deadpool: You did it for me.
Cable: Jesus.

[after shooting three people in the head with one bullet, inhales the smoke from his own guns]
Deadpool: Ahhhh. I'm touching myself tonight.

Deadpool: [to the audience while slicing off his own arm] Did you ever see 127 Hours? Spoiler alert.

Dopinder: I want to fill my soul. I want to belong to something, like you, Pool sir.
Deadpool: Dopinder, you never cease to surprise me. You know, the depth of your heart is extraordinary. We all need a sense of belonging. We all need a genuine sense of home, a place...
Dopinder: I want to become a contract killer.
Deadpool: I'm sorry, what did you say?
Dopinder: Remember when I kidnapped Bandhu and threatened him with great violence?
Deadpool: Yeah, you kinda killed him.
Dopinder: And remember the movie "Interview with the Vampire?"
Deadpool: Don't want to.
Dopinder: When Tom Cruise fed 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst blood for the first time. And she looked up at his smooth, handsome face and said "I want some more." Oh, Pool, picture me, a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst.
Deadpool: ...I'll never *not* picture that. But I can't wait to never speak of this, as soon as possible.

[repeated line]
Deadpool: Maximum effort.

Deadpool: I know what you're thinking: "I'm so glad I left the kiddos at home." But that's where you'd be wrong. That babysitter of yours is high as fuck right now. And believe it or not, Deadpool 2 is a family film. True story. And every big family film starts... with a vicious murder. Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7.

Dopinder: Uh, why the fancy red suit, Mr. Pool?
Deadpool: Oh, that's because it's Christmas Day, Dopinder. And I'm after someone on my naughty list. I've been waiting one year, three weeks... six days and, oh... 14 minutes to make him fix what he did to me.
Dopinder: And what did he do to you, Mr. Pool?
Deadpool: This shit...
[lifts his mask halfway showing his scarred face]
Deadpool: Boo!

[from leaked test footage]
Deadpool: There's no easy way to say this... I'm pregnant, Trevor!

Domino: They're headed into the tunnel.
Deadpool: I'm that kid's only hope, so sit tight and wait for my word.
Domino: Whatever. We're gonna lose 'em. I'm dropping in.
Deadpool: Uh, that's a negative, sole survivor. Luck is not a superpower! We are so fucked!
Deadpool: No, we are most certainly not fucked.
Deadpool: Seriously, I don't get it! What, you shoot luck lasers out your eyes? It's just hard to picture. And certainly not very cinematic. I mean, luck? What coked-out, glass pipe-sucking freakshow comic book artist came up with that little chestnut? Probably a guy who can't draw feet!

Deadpool: You know what we need to do? We need to build a fucking team. We need 'em tough, morally flexible, and young enough so they can carry this franchise 10-12 years.
Dopinder: My body is an instrument of death.
Deadpool: Not now, Dopinder.

Deadpool: [chasing a crippled henchman on a zamboni] That's right! You're about to be killed by a zamboni!
[beat]
Deadpool: Tell me where your fucking boss is or you're going to die! In five minutes!

[Fires at Ajax multiple times and misses]
Deadpool: Bad Deadpool!
[Shoots another bad guy in the head]
Deadpool: Good Deadpool.

Deadpool: I didn't just get the cure to el cancer, I got the cure to el everything.

[last lines]
Ryan: [to himself, holding the Green Lantern script] You're in the big leagues now, kid!
[blood splatters on the script and cuts to Reynolds' face with a gunshot wound in the forehead, he drops revealing Deadpool behind him with a gun]
Deadpool: [to the camera] You're welcome, Canada.

Deadpool: A fourth wall break inside a fourth wall break? That's like, sixteen walls.