20 Best Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard Quotes

Michael: Are you people fucking insane?
Sonia: Hey! Watch your mouth! I picked you up from the street, saved you from sunstroke, and now you're calling me insane?
Michael: Sunstroke? You could go to jail for leaving a dog in a hot car. And don't get me started on the psychological ramifications of what I heard you two doing.

[after massacring the nightclub]
Sonia: [in a fake British accent] Breese, I'm famished. Shall we go now?
Michael: Still Mexican.

Sonia: I need you to protect us. We're trying to have a baby.
Michael: May God have mercy on our souls.

[last lines]
Sonia: [to Michael] My baby cucaracha, you just signed the adoption papers.
Darius: The what?
Michael: The adoption papers.
Sonia: You are now our son!
Darius: WHAT THE FUCK?

[Sonia becomes ferocious after an arms dealer calls her old]
Sonia: [yelling] What the fuck did you just say, you finger-licking shit-monkey, donkey-blowing motherfucker?
[continues cursing in Spanish]
Michael: That sounded really Mexican!

Darius: Are you using pepper spray?
Michael: I'm on sabbatical.

Crowley: Mr O'Neill, you have been warned repeatedly that it's against protocol to deal with unsanctioned criminal informants.
Bobby: Listen, I've been in Europe for a month, okay? And the only thing you people do is watch fucking soccer. Not one bar carries Sam Adams. So the least you could do is let me do what we do in Boston, okay? You work with the bad guys to get the worse guys.

Aristotle: You! Motherfucker!
Darius: That's right, papa dick-less. You gotta earn the right to call us motherfuckers.
Darius: Motherfucker!

Sonia: I would make a great mother, don't you think?
Michael: Oh, my God. A child would be so lucky to have you as its host.
Sonia: Thank you. It must be your powerful asexuality that makes you such a good listener.

Bobby: They're planning a full-scale cyber attack. Do not screw this up.
Michael: Oh, we are definitely gonna screw this up.

Sonia: I think you're obsessed with my boobs!
Michael: Your boobs? I never said anything about your boobs!

Michael: In two weeks I have to go in front of a tribunal and try to get my Triple-A rated license back.
Therapist: To deal with the future, we sometimes have to deal with the past. Quite often validation issues stem from a disapproving father.
Michael: I don't have validation issues. i have a licensing issue

[after being rescued by Sonia, Darius realizes that Bryce is there as well]
Darius: Baby! What in the absolute fuck is Michael Bryce doing here?
Sonia: You said, "Baby, get me Michael Breese!"
Darius: No! No, no, no. I said, "Baby, got get anyone BUT Michael Bryce!"

Darius: Now repeat after me, "I'm unlicensed, and I don't give a fuck."
Michael: I'm unlicensed... and that's terrible...
[Kincaid slaps Bryce]
Darius: Again?
Michael: I'm unlicensed and I don't give a fuck.
Darius: Louder!
Michael: I'm unlicensed and I don't give a fuck!
Darius: Robust!
Michael: [yelling] I'M UNLICENSED AND I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!
Darius: Great! Now let's go do what we do, and fuck some shit up!
Michael: Let's fuck some shit up.
[suddenly gets surrounded by Interpol agents]

Sonia: Say my age, bitch.

Michael: I've had it with you two. I'm sorry to say this, Sonia, but you are crazy!
Darius: Hey, you can't talk to my wife that way.
Michael: Why not? She'd make a terrible mother. I wouldn't leave a Chucky doll in her care.

Therapist: And how often do you have this dream?
Michael: Just once...
Therapist: Oh, well that's not too...
Michael: ...a night.

Sonia: [strutting] I'm not on sabbatical.
Michael: Where is your shirt?

Michael: [to Interpol agents] Are you ready to get your freak on?
Darius: What?
Michael: That came out wrong. Not together, with us. That also came out wrong.

Russian: You're gonna tell us everything you know.
Darius: I'm not telling you shit! Aaagh!
[Darius gets tasered by the Russian Mobster]
Michael: You can electrocute him all day, it'll only make him angrier
[the Russian Mobster moves in on Bryce with the taser]
Michael: I, on the other hand, will tell you everything.
Darius: What? Really?