Top 100 Quotes From Deadpool 2

Wade: I loved her. I loved her like an ocean loves water.
Weasel: An ocean is water.

- He's got a terrible name.
- It's just awful.
- Ugh. l tried to tell him.
- Is this heaven?
- It is now.
- I am so sorry.
- It's okay.

- and a wheelbarrow full of stage four cancer?
- Answer: a family.
- See? I didn't lie what kind of film this was.
- If there's anything you take away today... other than the need to Google,
- "What the fuck is dubstep?"... it's that we all need to belong to someone.

- I'm at the end of my rope.
- Then I joined the X-Men.
- I went to prison. I, uh... ls it the kid?
- Kids give us a chance to be better than we used to be.
- The kid!

Domino: They're headed into the tunnel.
Deadpool: I'm that kid's only hope, so sit tight and wait for my word.
Domino: Whatever. We're gonna lose 'em. I'm dropping in.
Deadpool: Uh, that's a negative, sole survivor. Luck is not a superpower! We are so fucked!
Deadpool: No, we are most certainly not fucked.
Deadpool: Seriously, I don't get it! What, you shoot luck lasers out your eyes? It's just hard to picture. And certainly not very cinematic. I mean, luck? What coked-out, glass pipe-sucking freakshow comic book artist came up with that little chestnut? Probably a guy who can't draw feet!

Cable: Dubstep's for pussies!
Wade: You're so dark. Are you sure you're not from the DC universe?

- Russell! Wait!
- DEADPOOLI Oh!
- Wait! He hasn't killed anyone yet!
- What more do you need to see?
- Don't you fucking dare!
- He's just a kid!
- Tick, took. Meter's running!

[talking about Deadpool 2]
Wade: It lives up to the hype, *plus plus.*
Weasel: Fuck it. They probably won't even make a 3.
Wade: Yeah, why would they? Stop at 2, ya killed it!
[they both laugh]

- Don't fuck Elvis.
- Ooh, too late.
- I'm sorry?

- Baby? Baby?
- I'm okay.
- Thank God I didn't have to use the cream cheese spreader.

Dopinder: I want to fill my soul. I want to belong to something, like you, Pool sir.
Deadpool: Dopinder, you never cease to surprise me. You know, the depth of your heart is extraordinary. We all need a sense of belonging. We all need a genuine sense of home, a place...
Dopinder: I want to become a contract killer.
Deadpool: I'm sorry, what did you say?
Dopinder: Remember when I kidnapped Bandhu and threatened him with great violence?
Deadpool: Yeah, you kinda killed him.
Dopinder: And remember the movie "Interview with the Vampire?"
Deadpool: Don't want to.
Dopinder: When Tom Cruise fed 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst blood for the first time. And she looked up at his smooth, handsome face and said "I want some more." Oh, Pool, picture me, a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst.
Deadpool: ...I'll never *not* picture that. But I can't wait to never speak of this, as soon as possible.

- You think we didn't jump out of the plane because of a light breeze?
- You're in this shit now,
- Mustache!
- I'm only yelling to impress the other guys.
- I'd never let anything happen to you, Sugarbear.
- Leonard, hit it!

Deadpool: You know what we need to do? We need to build a fucking team. We need 'em tough, morally flexible, and young enough so they can carry this franchise 10-12 years.
Dopinder: My body is an instrument of death.
Deadpool: Not now, Dopinder.

- The Lord works in mysterious ways, don't I? A good day.
- Bye, Wade!
- Bye, Yukio!
- That was probably a bad idea.
- What have we done?

- Fuck, you are dumb.
- Whoever planned this stunt's been smoking a lotjazz cabbage.
- I'll tell you that much.
- That's pretty obvious!
- Looking good, Vanisher.

Wade: Is it just me or does Do You Wanna Build a Snowman from Frozen sound suspiciously like Papa, Can You Hear Me? from Yentl.
[singing]
Wade: Papa, can you hear me?
[normal voice]
Wade: And nobody fucking realizes it.

- Now we're getting it.
- I need a bus to get you all out of here.
- Orphans.
- Oh, geez.
- It's time to burn for what you've done!
- A child should not be burdened with such power!

- Come here, beautiful.
- Whoo!
- Say it!

- And I'm an X-Man.
- Trainee.
- Fuck it!
- Superhero landing coming up!
- Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck!
- That is so not practical.

Cable: Relax, I'm retrieving something from my utility bag.
Weasel: It's a god-damn fanny pack and you know it, you sick son of a bitch! The difference is night and day.

- I don't speak Cantonese, Mister...
- Well, I'm not even gonna attempt that.
- But I did take 8th grade Spanish, so...
- Where is the library?
- Which literally translates to...
- I don't bargain, pumpkin fucker.

- It's not dirt. It's the blood of my dead daughter.
- Are You Bear, God?
- It's Me, Margaret.
- Give me some.
- They say laughter heals anything... except, of course, that.
- We should just cue the music.

- I'm a grower, not a shower.
- God, I wish this were a bus where I could pull the string and get out.
- It's a good thing
- Cable's not driving, or you'd be in the back. lam in the back.
- Right here!

- We got no brakes!
- Figure it out!
- There's nothing I can't kill.
- Well, as Scoutmaster Kevin used to say...
- "There's a first time for everything, son."
- Give me your best shot,
- One-Eyed Willy.

- Now, go.
- Go on. Go, get out of here.
- Go.
- Hey!
- Kiss me like you miss me, Red.
- Well, come here.

Cable: You're not a fuckin' hero. You're just an annoying clown dressed up as a sex toy.

- and make friends with them.
- Make friends with someone.
- Anyone but me.
- Maybe even Black Tim.
- Black Evan, I don't know.
- All I remember is he was African-American.

- That was our cell.
- What did I do to piss off a grumpy old fucker with a Winter Soldier arm?
- Get away from me, kid!
- Listen to me! Go!
- Hello, Russell.

[from trailer]
Cable: I was born into war, bred into it. People think they understand pain, but they have no concept of it. What's the most pain you've ever felt? Maybe the kind that leaves you more machine than man.
Deadpool: [halts trailer] Wait, no, STOP! What in the actual ass? Dale! Why, why are the visual effects not done? It's a metal arm! It's not like we're trying to remove a mustache! Oh fuck it, I'll do it myself...

Deadpool: He's teamed up with the Juggernaut. The Juggernaut! That's, like, my favorite Marvel character ever, but you should never meet your heroes, because honestly, he's a bit of a dick! And like a lot of dicks, he's as hard as a rock, and causes nothing but problems!

- Hello?
- I know you're in there.

- We can't be sure until I get this suit off... but, uh, all signs point to yes.
- Traffic?
- Hmm?
- Kiss me like you miss me, Red.
- Well, come here.

- We are not going anywhere.
- Oh, God, I hope the Academy is watching.
- Just rest, okay?
- Papa.
- Papa, can you hear me?
- Papa, can you find me in the night?

Peter: [putting lotion on face] I don't know much about this Cable fella, but I guarantee you he hasn't killed as many people as melanoma has.

- Looks like Russell found a new friend. Jelly.
- Turns out Domino's a bit of a badass, and maybe, possibly mildly lucky.
- But Cable? Ugh.
- That guy's in a mood.
- A mood that is about to get significantly worse.

- Doms, get me out of here, please.
- Use my arms as backpack straps.
- I think we may have found your cosmic reason for being here.
- I'm pretty sure this isn't it.
- X-Force.

- Oh, I'm going to hell.
- That makes two of us.
- You can do this.
- This is crazy. This is crazy.
- This is crazy. This is crazy.
- All right.
- Maximum effort.

Wade: With this collar on, my superpower is just unbridled cancer. Give me a bow and arrow and I'm basically Hawkeye.

- ls that a fanny pack?
- I used to have one of those in 1990-never.
- Something to remember you by.
- Give me that back!
- That goes with me everywhere.
- Like the memory of your fucking fanny pack!

[Deadpool / Wade Wilson says his goodbyes to all those around him, and while "dying"]
Wade: I hope the Academy is watching.

Deadpool: [fighting the Juggernaut] Hey, big guy, the sun's getting real low.

[In Wade's dream]
Vanessa: Kiss me like you miss me, Red.
Wade: Well, come here.
[They share a long, passionate kiss]
Wade: Don't fuck Elvis.
Vanessa: Don't fuck Colossus.
Wade: Wait, what?
[Wade gets pulled back to the real world]

- If you find a Type 3, let us know.
- Yeah.
- You're in.
- Yeah.
- Fuck!
- It's fulfilling work.
- Let's go!

- Now, I'm gonna shove the red guy up the old guy.
- I believe him!
- Every man for themselves!
- Gotcha!
- Beat it, midget!
- Hey, big guy, the sun's getting real low!
- Oh, shit fuck!

- And certainly not very cinematic.
- I mean, luck?
- What coked out, glass pipe-sucking freakshow comic book artist... came up with that little chestnut?
- Probably a guy who can't draw feet!

- Why are you protecting the kid?
- I don't give a fuck about him... and his Are You My Mother? complex!
- What's this one do?

- It's Cable. 12 o'clock.
- Okay.
- New plan. Use all of your imaginary powers to stop Cable from killing that kid.
- I'm coming up on your six.
- That gun is amazing!

Firefist: What do you say we go fuck some shit up?
Juggernaut: Let's Fuck Some Shit Up is my legal middle name.

- Please.
- Please. Please.
- Baby, I'm so sorry.
- No!

- Believe me, son, you do not wanna go to the Ice Box.
- That place makes Hitler's anus look like Waikiki.
- Let's get you inside, young man.
- No, wait, wait. Wait.
- You guys stay there.

[after Wade's legs were torn off, they're growing back and look like toddler legs. Weasel walks in on him sitting on the couch with no pants on next to Blind Al]
Weasel: Why wouldn't you cover that up?
Wade: A warrior has nothing to be ashamed of.
Weasel: Yeah, but you do. I mean, look at you, you're just straight shirt-cocking it? Toddler style?
Wade: Oh yeah. Full Winnie the Pooh.
Blind: The hell's happening? Describe it.
Wade: I wouldn't ask him to do that if I were you.
Weasel: It's like, um...
Wade: Here we go.
Weasel: It's like he was giving birth anally but they quit halfway through. They got the legs out and said "You know what? I'm done."
Wade: [to Blind Al] Happy?
Weasel: It's like he's a Muppet from the waist down, but this time, you can see the Muppet's dick. Grover's got a cock the size of a...
[Dopinder comes in]
Dopinder: AH! Oh, no, no, no, DP, not again.
Weasel: This has happened before?
[Dopinder starts gagging]
Weasel: Jesus, either vomit or don't. The indecision is killing me.
Blind: Why couldn't God take my hearing?

- I'm merely a vessel for the Lord.
- Taking the hands out of the guns of the criminals!
- Whoo! Do not go in there!
- Let's see
- Captain America do that.
- Too exotic?
- I don't bargain.

- He's gonna go straight to jail if we name him Earl.
- What about Bruce?
- No.
- Get down.
- What?

Firefist: [trying to get the collar off of Deadpool's neck] We need a code.
Domino: Try, uh... seven?
Deadpool: Settle down, Captain Lucky, it's not gonna be one number.
[Firefist presses the number 7 and unlocks the collar]
Deadpool: God, that's lazy writing.

- Hard left, douchebag.
- Please, after you.
- Another disgusting minority off the streets.
- We'll sleep well tonight.
- Let's get a bagel.
- Nighty-night,
- W“ anrwving prick!

- Oh. Oh, this isn't Gilbert's.
- I am so sorry.
- I thought this was an anal-bleaching party.

Cable: You remind me of my wife.
Wade: I'm sorry?
Cable: I said you remind me...
Wade: No, I'm sorry that you said that while making heavy eye contact and applying lip balm.

- I can't believe he's still alive.
- I can't believe you left the house in that shirt.
- There's gotta be some way to die.
- L just need to die harder.
- Trademark Fox.
- Y'all caught up now?

- Dubstep's for pussies.
- You're so dark!
- Are you sure you're not from the DC universe?
- I love dubstep!

Deadpool: So, what exactly do you do in the future, anyway, huh? Some kind of soldier?
Cable: Yeah, something like that.
Deadpool: I was a soldier. Special Forces. I bet fifty years from now we'll be bestest buddies.
Cable: Fifty years from now you'll be very dead. Your entire generation will fuck this planet into a coma.
Deadpool: Boom!
[makes exploding sound]
Deadpool: Spoiler alert. Ha ha! Ah, planets.
Domino: [whispers to herself] Next time Uber.
Cable: Here's a spoiler alert. You're not a fucking hero. You're just an annoying clown dressed up as a sex toy.
Deadpool: Well, I got news for you, my heart is in the right place. Russell's not gonna kill anyone. Because of me, he's gonna know what real love is.
Cable: Because of you, I'll always know what a grown man with baby balls looks like.
Deadpool: I'm a grower, not a shower.
Domino: I should've finished college.

Blind: Listen to the pain. It's both history teacher and fortune teller. Pain teaches us who we are, Wade. Sometimes it's so bad we feel like we're dying, but we can't really live until we die a little, can we?

- Just about 30 seconds would do you good.
- The fuck?
- Year.
- What?
- What year is it?
- What kind of dumbass question is that to ask?

Firefist: Stay back or Justin Bieber dies!
Deadpool: [to Negasonic Teenage Warhead] Ha! Justin Bieber. He called you Justin Bieber.

- You are notjudge, jury or executioner!
- Fuck your rules!
- I fight for what's right!
- And sometimes you gotta fight dirty!
- You let me down for the last time, Wade.
- Okay, get these guys in the pod.
- Take them to the Ice Box.

- Those bullets were, like, super fast.
- Here we go.
- Domino, mind slowing us down?
- Here goes nothing.

Deadpool: Fuck it. Superhero landing comin' up.
[jumps out of building and lands on knees]
Deadpool: Ooh! Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. That is *so* not practical.

Cable: There's nothing I can't kill.
Deadpool: Well, as Scoutmaster Kevin used to say... "There's a first time for everything,son." Give me your best shot, One-Eyed Willy.
[cuts down one bullet then gets riddled by more bullets]
Deadpool: Those bullets were, like, super fast.

Deadpool: What do you get when you take 8-feet of chrome, one pinch of courage, a cup of good luck, a dab of racism, a splash of diabetes, and a wheelbarrow of stage 4 cancer? Answer: A family. See? I didn't lie what kind of film this was. If there's anything you take away today - other than the need to google "what the fuck is dubstep" - it's that we all need to belong to someone.

Wade: George Michael was right. I'm never gonna dance again. Fuck! He's dead, too. At least we still have Bowie.
Weasel: Yeah, we still...
[looks over at Dopinder, he nods and winks at him]
Weasel: ... have Bowie.

- Whoa!
- Are you a superhero?
- Fucking A, sweetie.
- What's your name?
- Captain Delicious Pants.
- Who's Captain Delicious Pants?

- Who would choose to stay in such a place?
- You stay because... deep down inside, you know you're unfit to leave.
- Don't worry.
- We can fix that.
- Blessed are the wicked who are healed by my hand.

Juggernaut: I'm gonna rip you in half now.
Deadpool: That is such a Juggernaut thing to say!

Wade: [to Vanessa] I hope we sharpened the cream cheese spreader.
[Wade throws the spreader into the gunman's head, killing him]
Wade: [turns on time-travel device] I'll be right back. We're definitely naming our kid Cher!

- Don't worry.
- You're not going to die.
- Although these will kill you.
- Hit it, Dolly.

Cable: Who are you?
Wade: I'm Batman.

[after Deadpool realizes Cable traveled back in time to save him]
Deadpool: You time-sliding son of a bitch. You did this for me? Wait, you can't go back. You used the last of your fuel. What about your girl and your wife?
Cable: No, my family's safe. And I didn't do it for you. No, I'm gonna stick around for a while and make sure the world doesn't shit itself into oblivion.
Deadpool: No, you did it for me.
Cable: No, I didn't.
Deadpool: You did.
Cable: No, I didn't.
Deadpool: Pretty sure you did.
Cable: No, I'm positive I didn't.
Deadpool: Fine. Alright, let's flip a coin, okay? Heads, you did it for me. Tails, you did it for me.
[flips coin]
Deadpool: I'm not even gonna look because you did it for me.
Cable: Say it again.
Deadpool: You did it for me.
Cable: Jesus.

- Please don't cry.
- I'm going to help.
- I'm gonna make you feel what you should feel.
- How you need to feel... every time you're tempted to act upon your urges.
- Suck my mutant dick, you four-eyed fuck.

- Family is not an F-word.
- All right?
- There's one out there for you.
- Just keep looking, okay?
- Guys, for a second there... we made a pretty good team.

- Ness, there's something here.
- I can't get to you.
- Your heart's not in the right place.
- Wait, hold on. What?
- Your heart's not in the right place.
- Wait. What do you mean my heart's not in the right place? What does it...

- Two can play that game!
- Got it! No, I don't.
- Showtime, mama!
- Lady Luck, take the wheel.

- L just filled it. Give it a few more pumps there.
- Now, if you'll excuse me... it's dust bunny season... and I'm hunting wabbits.
- Bye, Wade!
- Fuck.
- Fuck you.

- but it's family you need.
- You have a good heart.
- It belongs here where it can grow.
- What did you say?
- About my heart?
- I think
- I'm in the right place.

Weasel: And last but not least... Peter.
Deadpool: Any power you wanna tell us about?
Peter: I don't... I don't have one. Um, I just saw the ad.
Deadpool: No superpowers at all?
Peter: Uh, I have both type 1 and 2 diabetes.
Deadpool: Ow! Oh!
Weasel: That's all the diabetes.
Deadpool: Right. Yeah, you got them all. If you find a type 3, let us know. Yeah. You're in.

- Say what you said every time you tortured me!
- Say it!
- Blessed are the wicked who are healed by my hand!
- Blessed are the wicked... who are healed... b'! my hand.

- outside the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation... two mutants were arrested and transported to the Ice Box...
- Entering repair mode.
- ...several police cars were destroyed and the X-Men were called in to restore order.

- Oh!
- So, you're from the future.
- I have three questions then.
- One, is dubstep still a thing?
- Two, do people still homebrew?
- And three, does Dopinder ever find love?

- to keep Josh Brolin employed.
- It doesn't exist.
- All right, well, this has been pretty scary!
- And I need to feed my cat!
- Go home, Sugarbear. Go home.
- Okay. Will you give
- Domino my email?

- Can I have one of those guns?
- No.
- That's fine.
- Get off this property, mutant scum!
- I'm just gonna use this brick.
- Maximum effort.
- Who says you can't go home again?

Deadpool: [to Cable] Zip it, Thanos!

- to get back in the saddle again.
- And when he does, say yes.
- Oh, right.
- Love you!
- Goddamn, that's beautiful.
- You're welcome, Canada.

- Define "chance."
- I don't know.
- How long does it take to save someone's soul?
- That's not...
- I'll give you 30 seconds.
- What? No!
- Best I can do.
- Take it or leave it.

- I'm terribly sorry for your loss, Wade.
- You're broken.
- Oh, God.
- I know that voice.

Deadpool: Only best buddies execute pedophiles together.

- Let's see your soul, perv!
- No, no! No! No more!
- We're better than that!
- We're better than him!
- No more senseless violence!
- No more bloodshed!
- We'll let karma take care of him.
- The day of reckoning is here!

[last lines]
Ryan: [to himself, holding the Green Lantern script] You're in the big leagues now, kid!
[blood splatters on the script and cuts to Reynolds' face with a gunshot wound in the forehead, he drops revealing Deadpool behind him with a gun]
Deadpool: [to the camera] You're welcome, Canada.

Deadpool: Cable, you get back to your family and you tell them Wade says hi. And promise me, promise me one thing: that you'll start judging people not by the color of the skin but by the content of their character.
Cable: Jesus...

Wade: Isn't that how it always works? Like in Star Wars, men are destined to become their father? And have consensual sex with their sister?
Vanessa: I think you missed big, big chunks of that movie.
Wade: No, I'm pretty sure Luke nailed her.
Vanessa: Baby, that's Empire.

Weasel: Meet Bedlam.
Deadpool: Cool name. Superpowers?
Bedlam: I can distort electrical fields. Including the one inside your brain, causing anxiety, confusion, pain.
Deadpool: So, basically, you're Dave Matthews.

Black: I'm Black Tom Cassidy.
Wade: White Wade Wilson.

Deadpool: I know what you're thinking: "I'm so glad I left the kiddos at home." But that's where you'd be wrong. That babysitter of yours is high as fuck right now. And believe it or not, Deadpool 2 is a family film. True story. And every big family film starts... with a vicious murder. Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7.