The Best Wade Wilson Quotes

Cable: Dubstep's for pussies!
Wade: You're so dark. Are you sure you're not from the DC universe?

Cable: I use a device to slide through time. The longer I travel, the harder it is to control. I got two charges: one to get me here, one to get me home.
Wade: [looks at the camera] Well... that's just lazy writing.

[talking about Deadpool 2]
Wade: It lives up to the hype, *plus plus.*
Weasel: Fuck it. They probably won't even make a 3.
Wade: Yeah, why would they? Stop at 2, ya killed it!
[they both laugh]

Firefist: What do you say we go fuck some shit up?
Juggernaut: Let's Fuck Some Shit Up is my legal middle name.

[last lines]
Ryan: [to himself, holding the Green Lantern script] You're in the big leagues now, kid!
[blood splatters on the script and cuts to Reynolds' face with a gunshot wound in the forehead, he drops revealing Deadpool behind him with a gun]
Deadpool: [to the camera] You're welcome, Canada.

Wade: With this collar on, my superpower is just unbridled cancer. Give me a bow and arrow and I'm basically Hawkeye.

Cable: Who are you?
Wade: I'm Batman.

[after Wade's legs were torn off, they're growing back and look like toddler legs. Weasel walks in on him sitting on the couch with no pants on next to Blind Al]
Weasel: Why wouldn't you cover that up?
Wade: A warrior has nothing to be ashamed of.
Weasel: Yeah, but you do. I mean, look at you, you're just straight shirt-cocking it? Toddler style?
Wade: Oh yeah. Full Winnie the Pooh.
Blind: The hell's happening? Describe it.
Wade: I wouldn't ask him to do that if I were you.
Weasel: It's like, um...
Wade: Here we go.
Weasel: It's like he was giving birth anally but they quit halfway through. They got the legs out and said "You know what? I'm done."
Wade: [to Blind Al] Happy?
Weasel: It's like he's a Muppet from the waist down, but this time, you can see the Muppet's dick. Grover's got a cock the size of a...
[Dopinder comes in]
Dopinder: AH! Oh, no, no, no, DP, not again.
Weasel: This has happened before?
[Dopinder starts gagging]
Weasel: Jesus, either vomit or don't. The indecision is killing me.
Blind: Why couldn't God take my hearing?

Wade: Is it just me or does Do You Wanna Build a Snowman from Frozen sound suspiciously like Papa, Can You Hear Me? from Yentl.
[singing]
Wade: Papa, can you hear me?
[normal voice]
Wade: And nobody fucking realizes it.

Cable: You remind me of my wife.
Wade: I'm sorry?
Cable: I said you remind me...
Wade: No, I'm sorry that you said that while making heavy eye contact and applying lip balm.

Firefist: [in their cell] Tomorrow, we find the biggest guy in here... and we'll make him our bi...
[hears loud noise]
Firefist: What was that?
Wade: That is the biggest guy in here. Fun fact about the Ice Box, no one's ever seen it, they keep a monster in the basement. Right next to a
[looks at the camera]
Wade: huge, steaming ball of foreshadowing.

Juggernaut: I'm gonna rip you in half now.
Deadpool: That is such a Juggernaut thing to say!

Black: I'm Black Tom Cassidy.
Wade: White Wade Wilson.

Wade: [to Vanessa] I hope we sharpened the cream cheese spreader.
[Wade throws the spreader into the gunman's head, killing him]
Wade: [turns on time-travel device] I'll be right back. We're definitely naming our kid Cher!

Wade: George Michael was right. I'm never gonna dance again. Fuck! He's dead, too. At least we still have Bowie.
Weasel: Yeah, we still...
[looks over at Dopinder, he nods and winks at him]
Weasel: ... have Bowie.

Wade: Isn't that how it always works? Like in Star Wars, men are destined to become their father? And have consensual sex with their sister?
Vanessa: I think you missed big, big chunks of that movie.
Wade: No, I'm pretty sure Luke nailed her.
Vanessa: Baby, that's Empire.

[In Wade's dream]
Vanessa: Kiss me like you miss me, Red.
Wade: Well, come here.
[They share a long, passionate kiss]
Wade: Don't fuck Elvis.
Vanessa: Don't fuck Colossus.
Wade: Wait, what?
[Wade gets pulled back to the real world]

[Deadpool / Wade Wilson says his goodbyes to all those around him, and while "dying"]
Wade: I hope the Academy is watching.

Wade: I loved her. I loved her like an ocean loves water.
Weasel: An ocean is water.