Top 50 Quotes From EuroTrip

Cooper: There's got to be a hundred drunk girls here, and we should be trying to have sex with every one of them!
Jenny: Hello. Mixed company?
Cooper: What?
Jenny: I'm a girl.
Scott: No, you're not.
Cooper: Yeah, you're just a cool guy with long hair.

Robot: [in French] Ow! My robot balls! Error! Error! Error!

Scott: A dollar and 83 cents American. What are we gonna get with that?
[cut to a lavish Slovak hotel]
Scott: Gotta love that exchange rate!

Cooper: Can we please just get out of here, this guy's really creeping me out.
Scott: Who, robot man? He's just trying to feed his robot family.
Cooper: Hey, I really don't like him.
Scott: Why, just because he's doing this?
[starts acting like a robot making robot noises]
Cooper: Seriously, don't do that.
Scott: [in a robot voice] Cooper, do not hate me. I am familiar with over 600 dance moves and I am programmed to get...
[Robot noises]
Scott: Freaky.

Scott: You sold us a bad batch of hash brownies! You're a bad, bad Rastafarian.
Rasta: These are not hash brownies.
Scott: ...what was that?
Rasta: We do not sell hash brownies here, we are simple Dutch bakery! Now put your clothes back on, white boy!

Cooper: What's the etiquette on boners? Do I role over and dig out a hole for it, or is it cool to just let my flag fly?

Scott: I'm in love with my pen pal! I'm in love with Mike!
Cooper: Okay, okay. You know what? I was actually expecting this. And frankly, listen, I'm flattered that you picked me to come out to first. And don't worry about telling your folks, cause, eh, I think they already know.
Scott: No, you idiot, Mike is a girl!
Cooper: No, no, no, I get it, yeah. He's the girl, you're the girl. Sometimes you're both the girl. Right, right? That's hot. But, you know, whatever works for you. I'm not gonna judge it.

Swiss: [thinking Cooper is retarded] Have a very special day for a very special little man!
[winks]

Scott: Why are you wearing my bathrobe?
Bert: Oh, I'm sorry, but somebody *pissed* all over mine last night!

[repeated line]
Cooper: This isn't where I parked my car.

Pope: [seeing the "New Pope" on TV] What de hell?

[repeated line]
Cooper: You guys are the worst twins ever.

Cooper: Jenny, that outfit is terrible! Take it off, now!

Scott: Cooper, the hat! The hat! The hat is on fire!
Cooper: [singing] Oh we don't need no water, let the mother-...
Scott: I'm not kidding! Look!

Cooper: You still writing that guy? I thought that was just for German class.
Scott: Yeah, it was at first, but you know, we're actually becoming pretty good friends. He's a really cool guy.
[starts to type]
Scott: Dear Mike, greetings from your American pen pal.
Cooper: Scotty, girl scouts have pen pals. Listen to yourself, all right? You met a "cool guy" on the Internet? This is how these sexual predators work. Next thing you know he's gonna want to arrange a meeting, where he will gas you, stuff you in the back of his van and make a wind chime out of your genitals.

[Creepy Italian Guy massages Jamie's shoulders]
Jamie: What-what the hell are you doing?
Creepy: Oh, scuzi, mi scuzi.
[massages harder]

[Scott's e-mail alert sound]
Computer: Mail, mothafucka!

Cooper: You know America was founded by prudes. Prudes who left Europe because they hated all the kinky, steamy European sex that was going on. And now I, Cooper Harris, will return to the land of my perverted forefathers and claim my birthright... which is a series of erotic and sexually challenging adventures.
Scott: You've really thaught a lot about this, haven't you?
Cooper: It's my passion!

Cecil: So I tell the swamp donkey to sock it before I give her a trunky in the tradesman's entrance and have her lick me yardballs!
[laughs]
Cooper: Wow. You guys are on like a completely different level of swearing over here.

Cooper: Check this out! I'm the Pope!
Scott: Cooper, take off the Pope hat!
Cooper: Oh no, it's okay, I'm Catholic.

Scott: Let me handle this, I speak better German. Hello!
Truck: Hello!
Scott: [in German] My German is ill, but I can understand on you if the speaking is slowly.
Truck: [in German] German! I have been driving for 14 hours straight and I haven't slept in three days and I am wired on schnapps, benzedrine, and those little chocolate covered peanuts.
Cooper: What did he say?
Scott: He said he's driving, something...
Scott: [in German] Do you know where is Berlin?
Truck: [in German] Berlin? Yes, I know it well. I stabbed a woman in a bar in Berlin. But I am going nowhere near Berlin.
Scott: Berlin!
Truck: [in German] Berlin! I also sexually assaulted a horse in Berlin.
Scott: He's going to Berlin.
Jamie: Awesome.
Truck: [in German] Nowhere near Berlin.
Scott: All right, come on, let's go.
[the group get in the back of the truck]
Truck: [to self, in German] I'll drive this truck off a cliff before I ever go back to Berlin.

Scott: What happened to you last night?
Jamie: I got robbed! It was awesome.

Jamie: [pulls out Frommer's guide book] And I've even planned every detail of the trip to maximize the fun!
Scott: You brought a guide book to a party?
Jamie: You wanna see my itinerary?
Cooper: You wanna see my balls?

Madame: Welcome to Club Vandersexxx, Amsterdam's most erotic club. Where your every fantasy will be fulfilled.
Cooper: Also, says I get a free t-shirt with the flyer.
Madame: He is American. How sad for you to grow up in a country that was founded by prudes. A country over run with crime and illiteracy. A country where a man is forced to make sex to only one woman at a time and one must learn the woman's name beforehand.
Cooper: It was horrible.
Madame: I know, but you can come with me and let the Vandersexxx begin.

Cooper: Hello Mr. Walters... I see... fired? Well, I... Well, if that's what you want, I understand... goodbye, sir.
Scott: They had to catch you eventually.
Cooper: No, they fired Humphrey.
Scott: Shut up!
Cooper: I got his office and a raise!

Cooper: All right. Stay black, Bert.

Waiter: [Scottie tosses the waiter a nickel] Ah! A nickel!
[waiter shows his manager]
Waiter: You see this?
[slaps the manager]
Waiter: I quit. I open my own hotel.

Cooper: What the hell is that?
Jamie: It's a traveler's money belt. Frommer's says as long as you have one of these, no-one can rob you of anything.
Scott: Except your dignity.
Jamie: No, you just put that in your... wait, what?

Mieke: Let us make love for one whole month. Touch me, Scotty.
Scott: Ok!

[after taking a drink of Absinthe]
Jamie: I gotta say, I'm not feeling anything.
Cooper: Me neither.
Scott: Sober as a judge.
[to a hallucinatory green fairy]
Scott: How about you?
Green: I'm not feelin' a goddamn thing. This Absinthe is BULLSHIT!

[unrated DVD version]
[excerpts seen during original version credits]
Hostel: Hello, and welcome to Amsterdam's finest and most luxurious youth hostel. We feature one medium sized room containing 70 beds which can sleep up to 375 bodies a night. There is no bathroom. Nor is there one nearby. If you do not wish to have your valuables stolen I suggest destroying them or discarding them right now. You can also try hiding your valuables. In your anus. This will deter some but of course not all thieves. Once you are inside, the doors are chained and locked from the outside. They will not be opened again until morning, no matter what. Should a fire occur due to our faulty wiring or, uh, the fireworks factory upstairs you will be incinerated along with the valuables that you have hidden in your anus. Tips are greatly appreciated.

Cooper: Oh, here it is. Bratislava. Hmm. Capital of Slovakia. Oh, here's a fun fact: You made out with your sister, man!

Scott: I saw a gay porno once. I didn't know until halfway in. The girls never came. The girls never came!

Jenny: Sorry to hear about Fiona. She's a whore.
Scott: Well, that's very sweet of you. Thanks.

Cooper: This is DEFINITELY where I parked my car.

Mieke: I'm so sad and lonely. I just wish... someone would show up and sweep me off my German feet.

Cooper: [in London, answers his cell phone] Cooper here. Hello Mr. Walters. Uh, yes sir, I'm down in file storage. Oh, just hang on one second.
[lowers phone, picks teeth, puts phone back to ear]
Cooper: No, sir, I can't find the Goodwin file anywhere. Yes sir, I'll keep looking. I don't rest until I find it.
[hangs up]
Scott: You didn't tell your boss you were leaving the country?
Cooper: They would have stopped paying me. Seemed easier.

Cooper: Show her the picture. She makes every girl in our high school look like a walrus.
Jenny: I'm a girl from your high school.
Cooper: No, I mean *girl* girls.

Jamie: [to the tour group] This is so strange! Usually, they wait 15 days to elect a new Pope. We could be seeing history in the making.
Jenny: [to herself] We could be seeing an arrest in the making.

Scott: I told her to keep her hands off my genitals.
Cooper: Well given what we know now, that seems like the exact opposite of what you want

Scott: Which way did they go?
Cooper: [pointing] That way. I'd stake my reputation on it.
Scott: Good enough for me.
[goes the other way]

Tibor: Enjoy Bratislava. It's good you came in summer, in winter it can get very depressing.

Jenny: I'M COMING!

Scott: Uh-oh.
Jamie: What?
Scott: Big tunnel.
Creepy: [grins maniacally as the train drives into darkness]
Jamie: [in the commotion] Scotty, is that you? WHO'S TOUCHING ME?

Madame: [Screams] On, on, VANDERSEXXX!
[the sexy ladies leave while the room is transformed into a BDSM lair and Madame is revealed as a domanitrix]
Madame: Hans, Gruber!
[Hans and Gruber, Madame's goons, step into the room]
Cooper: [nervously] Hi. So, are the girls coming back?
Madame: Administer the testicle clamps!
Cooper: [grows fearful; Cooper's jeans are ripped off] Huh? What? Hey!
[the boys prepare to torture Cooper as Madame smiles and watches]
Cooper: [panics as he pulls out the paper with the "safe word", but mispronounces it] Safe word! What is that? That's not a word! That's a - "Fluggen-kliggin-kien"?

[outtake during credits]
Mad: Fuck off! Get out of it, you wankers! Go on, you Gallic fucking garlic-breath tossers! Piss off! Get in here and say that, mate! Come on! Fucking come and have it! You fucking beep? We'll beep, you bastard, all over your fucking nose! Fuck off! Go on, you French bastards! Get on the other side of the road, you pricks! Go on out of it! Fuck off! I'm knackered.

Madame: Administer the testicle clamps!

Scott: [after being told they can get a flight to London] Anything else?
Cooper: Europe is like the size of the Eastwood Mall. We can walk to Berlin from there.
Scott: Cooper, England's an island.
Cooper: OK, swim, whatever. We'll take it.

Mad: If you're Manchester United supporters, sing the Manchester United song.
Scott: Excuse me? I'm sorry. I'm not much of a singer...
Mad: [slams a beer bottle on the floor] Sing!
Scott: [sings] My baby takes the mornin' train. / He works from nine to five and then / he takes another home again to find me... watching the Manchester United Football Team! Ah? The best freakin' team in all the land! Woo hoo!

Cooper: I'm taking a nap. Wake me up when the train gets here.
Jenny: It says here this town has a famous nude beach.
Cooper: Alright, look, we can't all just lie around all day, we've got to get out there and experience the culture first hand!