The Best Flying Dutchman Quotes

The: Who dares back sass the Flying Dutchman?
SpongeBob: That would be me, SpongeBob Back-sassPants!

Flying: You had it coming, you big crybabies. Every year, people dress like me.
[Squidward takes off his costume in fear and whistles to himself]
Flying: Turning the Flying Dutchman name into a laughingstock.

Flying: [talking in his sleep, snoring] I'm the Flying Dutchman, I'm the Flying Dutchman.
[here's a noise outside]
Flying: Who DARES wake the Flying Dutchman?

Flying: We're heading down to Bikini Bottom tonight for a little haunting spree. So I want this ship to look good and scary.
SpongeBob: You mean you want it to look good... and scary. Well, I think we could probably...
Patrick: No, no. I think he means he wants it to look so good that it's scary.
SpongeBob: Or maybe that by looking so scary you forget that it doesn't look good.
Patrick: [after a pause] I don't get it.
SpongeBob: Look, it's easy, it simple means that...
Flying: Never mind what it means! I just want it to look scary! That's it! You know, mold on the ceilings and bugs in the sink.
SpongeBob: So you don't want it to look good?
Flying: GET MOVING!
SpongeBob,11838: [singing rapidly] A sailor's life is a wonderful life, a wonderful life for sure!

The: OK Krabs, I'll let you stay. But first, help me settle a bet. If you had to choose between Spongebob and all the money I have in my pocket, which would you take?
Mr. Krabs: That depends. How much money we talking about?
SpongeBob: Mr Krabs?
The: 62 cents.
Mr. Krabs: I'll take the money.
SpongeBob: Mr Krabs!

Flying: [staring at his clean-shaven face in the mirror] Well, at least I still have my personality.

Flying: [having shanghaied SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidward] You're part of my crew now, and our job is to sail around and frighten people. It'll be grueling, mind-numbing, and repetitive. Just like... daytime television.
[SpongeBob and Patrick both have goofy smiles on their faces at this]

[SpongeBob and Patrick's fooling around with a lawn mower disturbs the Flying Dutchman and gets his beard shaved off, arousing his wrath]
Flying: WHO DARES DISTURB THE FLYING DUTCHMAN?
SpongeBob: [seeing the clean-shaven Dutchman] You're not the Flying Dutchman.
Patrick: Yeah, the Flying Dutchman has a beard.
Flying: I don't look like the Flying Dutchman because YOU MORONS CUT OFF MY BEARD!
SpongeBob: Oh, it makes you look a thousand years younger!
Flying: I don't want to look younger! I hate youth! I'll probably get pimples again.
Patrick: Your beard will just grow back.
Flying: You know nothing of my facial hair! IT'LL TAKE A THOUSAND YEARS FOR MY BEARD TO GROW BACK!
SpongeBob: I'm sorry. But we don't know what it's like to be ghosts.
Flying: Well, maybe it's time you learned. Until my beard grows back, I'm going to turn you two fools into ghosts. Prepare to be ghostified!
Patrick: Ghostified? That's not even a real word.
[the Dutchman zaps SpongeBob and Patrick, who giggle]
Flying: Okay, you're having too much fun.
[He zaps them again, turning them green and translucent and turning their legs into ghost-like tails]
Patrick: We're mermaids.
Flying: YOU'RE GHOSTS!
SpongeBob,11838: Ohh!
SpongeBob: We're ghosts! Yaaaay!
Flying: This isn't really working out the way I imagined.

Flying: Now, stand back and watch me be... knotty.

[the trio climb onboard a ghostly pirate ship]
Squidward: Alright, who owns this crate?
[knocks on the cabin door]
Squidward: Come on out! I wanna file a complaint!
SpongeBob: [looks around] Doesn't this place seem familiar?
Patrick: I don't know. Why?
SpongeBob: I don't know, doesn't it just kinda ring a bell?
[Squidward repeatedly rings the doorbell by the cabin door]
Patrick: Yes!
SpongeBob: I know who owns this boat, but I just can't place the name.
[He passes by a barrel labelled "property of the Flying Dutchman". Squidward angrily pounds on the cabin door until the Flying Dutchman suddenly bursts out]
Flying: [roaring] Aaargh-oowh-waagh!
SpongeBob: No, no, it's not
[imitating him]
SpongeBob: "Aaargh-oowh-waagh!"
Flying: I am the Flying Dutchman!
SpongeBob: That's it! Squidward, this ship belongs to the Red Baron!

Flying: Who be disturbing the Flying Dutchman in his own lair?
SpongeBob: [cheerfully] It's Squidward, he wants to complain to you.
[the Flying Dutchman looks at Squidward]
Squidward: [nervously] I... no I don't
SpongeBob: Well, what about all that stuff about him having a dirty ship and being lazy and all?
[Flying Dutchman glares angrily at Squidward]
Squidward: [laughs nervously] I never said that
Flying: Insulting a man's ship be worse than insulting his mother!
SpongeBob: No, no wait, it was his mother you said was dirty, not his ship!
[the Flying Dutchman fries Squidward with fire from his nose]

The: Next stop, Davy Jones' locker!
[transports Mr. Krabs to a locker room]
The: Here we are!
Mr. Krabs: Why does it smell so foul?
The: Davy Jones works out a lot. These are his gym socks.

Patrick: It would seem we have reached an impasse.
Flying: Pink one is right. Tell you what, you give me back the sock and I'll give you... three wishes.
Patrick: Make it five.
Flying: Four.
Patrick: Three. Take it or leave it.
Flying: Okay... uh, three. You get three wishes.

[Mr. Krabs cries as he mistakenly traded SpongeBob to the Flying Dutchman]
The: [angry] Here, take him back!
Mr. Krabs: You heard what I said about the money?
The: Heard what you said? I couldn't hear myself thinking with this one around. I only had him for 30 seconds! And it's jellyfishing this and Mermaid Man that!
[while he's speaking, we get a flashback to moments before. The Flying Dutchman is hovering outside Davy Jones' locker, with SpongeBob standing on his open palm and chattering away]
SpongeBob: Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy merchandise were the closest thing to everything. I love jellyfishing, you should love jellyfishing. You should come some time and bring your own net!
The: Why, not giving him back is a fate worse than death! He's your problem now!
[He disappears laughing furiously]

Flying: Who dug up the Dutchman's treasure?
Mr. Krabs: They did.
Flying: So, you two scalawags dug up my treasure, did you?
[Patrick and SpongeBob are shaking and crying]
Flying: Well, you saved me a lot of digging, you did, so here's a reward for the two of yous.
SpongeBob: Wow!
Chorus: Two gold doubloons!
Mr. Krabs: Wait! I'm the captain of this crew. Where's my reward?
Flying: I guess you're right. Here's a little something for your trouble.
Mr. Krabs: Gold! Gold... Wait, it's just a little plastic treasure chest.
Chorus: Plastic!
Flying: Aye, but it's based on a real treasure.
[Leaves]
Patrick: Gee, Mr. Krabs. You're looking all sweaty again.

Flying: [trying to scare a kid fish] Booooo! Prepare to be burdened with the haunting memory of my ghostly ghost pirates!
SpongeBob: [pans to a kelp shrub, then SpongeBob peaks out] Was that the signal? Sorry, sorry, just do it again.
Flying: ...with the haunting memory of my ghostly ghost pirates!
[SpongeBob and Patrick come out of the shrub making ghoulish noises and SpongeBob does a hand trick]
Patrick: [in a ghoulish voice] How does he do thaaaat?
[SpongeBob and Patrick continue ghoulish noises]
Flying: Get back on the ship.
SpongeBob,11838: [in a ghoulish voice and backing away] It's still a mystery.
Kid: Those guys are dorks.
Flying: Yes, but they're my dorks.