30 Best Halston Sage Quotes

[learning Bortus' digestive system allows him to eat essentially anything]
Lt. John LaMarr: Oh, this is gonna be fun. This is...
Lt. Alara Kitan: Ew!
Lt. John LaMarr: This is gonna be a new fun thing.
Lt. Gordon Malloy: Hang on. I'm gonna go find a bag of nails.

Lt. Alara Kitan: Captain, I would like to submit my official resignation.
Capt. Ed Mercer: What?
Lt. Alara Kitan: I am neither fit nor qualified to be chief of security aboard the Orville or any other starship.
Capt. Ed Mercer: Look, I understand you're feeling guilty about the whole...
Lt. Alara Kitan: Lieutenant Payne died because I was too afraid to do my job.
Capt. Ed Mercer: No, he died because in a crisis situation, things happen that you can't control. Payne knew the risks of this uniform, just like the rest of us.
Lt. Alara Kitan: Captain, I could've moved that bulkhead with one arm. But I didn't. Because I was scared. Harrison is dead because I was scared.
Capt. Ed Mercer: People seem to think that being brave means not being afraid. The way I see it, if you're not afraid, there's nothing to be brave about.
Lt. Alara Kitan: Tell that to Harrison's parents.

Ed: All right, Lieutenant Alara Kitan, our chief of security.
Alara: Yes, sir.
Ed: You're Xelayan, right?
Alara: I am, sir.
Gordon: Wait. Don't you guys have, like, super strength?
Alara: Xelaya's gravitational pull is high compared to the planetary average, so, yes, in Earth normal gravity, my physical strength is elevated.
Ed: Lieutenant, how old are you?
Alara: 23.
Ed: You're 23, and you're chief of security on a starship?
Alara: Xelayans don't usually join the military, so when one of us does, the Union generally fast-tracks us.
Ed: Well, I'm... I'm sure they know what they're doing.

Lt. Cmdr. Bortus: What is the problem?
Lt. Alara Kitan: Gordon has a crush on the new cartographer.
Lt. Gordon Malloy: I don't have a crush, for god's sake.
Lt. Alara Kitan: [mouthing] He does.
Lt. Gordon Malloy: I just wanna know what her deal is, you know? And I thought maybe I would see if she wanted to go to Bortus' Ja'loja party.
Lt. Alara Kitan: Well, then ask her.
Lt. Gordon Malloy: Well, how do you think I should do that? "Hey, I'm Gordon. You like to pee"?

Cmdr. Kelly Grayson: [during a battle with the Krill] Somebody put that out!
Capt. Ed Mercer: What happened to automatic fire suppression?
Lt. Alara Kitan: That's the panel that caught fire.

Isaac: The captain does not appear to be pleased at the arrival of his first officer. Why is this?
Gordon: 'Cause she's a total bitch.
Alara: Do you know her?
Gordon: Oh, yeah. They were married.
Alara: No way.
Gordon: She cheated on him.
John: Aw, damn, that's cold.
Gordon: Yeah, so this should be a really fun trip for all of us.
Isaac: Your description of the occurrence indicates unpleasantness, yet you believe it will be fun.
Gordon: I was being sarcastic. It's gonna suck.
Isaac: Suck?
Gordon: Yeah, suck. You know, like, ass, balls.
Alara: What he means is if you don't already drink, you should probably start.

Lt. Alara Kitan: Can we just have one conversation where you don't attack my choice to join the Fleet? Please?
Ildis: We just want what's best for you, and we feel the military is beneath you. It's what any parent would say to their child.
Lt. Alara Kitan: Any parent on Xelayah. You do realize that there are planets where a military career is a very honorable thing. The humans view it with great respect.
Ildis: [dismissively] Well, yes, the humans. The hillbillies of the galaxy.

Capt. Ed Mercer: You know what the worst days are, Olix? The days when you can't stay busy. No... Krill confrontations, no spatial anomalies, just nothing going on. And all your thoughts just march inward.
Olix: So, most days.
Lt. Alara Kitan: [approaching] Hey. You mind if I join you?
Capt. Ed Mercer: Alara. No, pull up a chair. I can use an extra liver.
Lt. Alara Kitan: Xelayans don't have livers.

Lt. Alara Kitan: If you want to be alone, I could take off.
Capt. Ed Mercer: No, no. You're all good.
Lt. Alara Kitan: It's just, um, I see you in here a lot lately, you know, after-hours.
Capt. Ed Mercer: Oh, my god. Don't tell me the crew is talking.
Lt. Alara Kitan: No! No, nothing like that. It's just... look, I know it's none of my business, but if you ever need an ear, I've got two big, pointy ones.
Capt. Ed Mercer: Well, that's nice of you, but there's nothing I can tell you the whole crew doesn't already know.
Lt. Alara Kitan: Believe me, I get it. I'm used to people talking about my love life.
Capt. Ed Mercer: You know, there are times when I feel like you and I are more alike than any two people on this ship.
Lt. Alara Kitan: How so?
Capt. Ed Mercer: Well, we both know we're good at our jobs. And yet we also seem to be the only two people who are haunted by this little voice that's always whispering that we don't really deserve to be here. And we're both alcoholics.

Isaac: I am fascinated by the interpersonal behavior of biological organisms. I would be happy to attempt sexual relations with you, lieutenant.
Lt. Alara Kitan: I'm actually just sort of working on myself right now. But thanks.

Alara: Oh, Claire. I have bad news.
Dr. Claire Finn: What's wrong?
Alara: You're the ranking officer, which means you have command. Enjoy!
Dr. Claire Finn: Son of a bitch.

[Claire is giving Alara some advice on command]
Dr. Claire Finn: Command is all about the balance between inspiring confidence in your leadership and knowing when to trust your people. You got scared out there today. Scared that they didn't respect you, so you ignored Isaac's advice in order to appear in control. Now the question is, did you learn from this error? I'm willing to bet that you did.
Alara: Will you help me?
Dr. Claire Finn: I'm not gonna whisper the right answers in your ear, but I'll try to be your Obi-Wan however I can.
Alara: My what?
Dr. Claire Finn: Never mind.

Lt. Gordon Malloy: Was it a circus clown or a hobo clown or what?
Lt. Alara Kitan: What's the difference?
Lt. John LaMarr: Hobo clowns are the most dangerous because they're hungry.

Man: Hey! Why are you wearing that?
Lt. Alara Kitan: Me?
Man: Yeah. You. Take that nefolo off!
Lt. Alara Kitan: I'm sorry the what?
Man: You're not Kelvic. That's traditional Kelvic headwear; it's not a hat.

Isaac: Lieutenant LaMarr's quantum bubble has allowed us to maintain a stable third dimension outside of two-dimensional space.
Lt. Alara Kitan: What are all those energy pulses?
Isaac: I have no experience processing this kind of data, but I believe we may be looking at a two-dimensional civilization.

Lt. Alara Kitan: What the hell did I just walk in on?
Dr. Claire Finn: Yeah, you're lucky I'm so easygoing. There's a little thing called privacy, you know?
Lt. Alara Kitan: Claire, we are in sickbay. And you were just doing I don't know what with Yaphit. You hate Yaphit!
Dr. Claire Finn: Alara, I just never gave him a chance. But when I finally allowed myself to take down my walls, I realized what an idiot I've been. Yaphit and I are soul mates. We're going to get married.
Lt. Alara Kitan: Yeah, a lot of soul mates around here lately.

Capt. Ed Mercer: [Alara is trying to mediate between the Navarians and Bruidians] What's going on?
Lt. Alara Kitan: They went from zero to furious in two seconds.

Malcolm: What did they even teach you here, anyway?
Ainsley: Proper posture. Table manners. How to demonstrate respect towards others.

Alara: Eggs?
Ed: That's what he said. Moclans reproduce by laying eggs. Which I never knew.
John: Well, where does it come out of? The butt?
Ed: You know, John, I didn't really pry into those kinds of specifics.
John: How is that not the first thing you ask?

Ed: You knew what Arbor Day was, right?
Kelly: I mean, actually, I had to think a second. Kind of confusing.
Ed: Nobody knows what Arbor Day is.
Bortus: No.
Alara: No.
Dr. Aronov: I knew.
Ed: Well, what would you have said?
Kelly: I would have said... "You got wood."
Gordon: [the crew laughs] Yeah. Yes.
Ed: Yeah, that is better, isn't it?

[first lines]
Lt. Gordon Malloy: Okay, let's hear it. How did you dump him? Everyone wants to know.
Lt. Alara Kitan: There's nothing juicy to tell. I just told him that if he couldn't get comfortable with our differences, then there was no point dragging this out.
Lt. John LaMarr: And by "differences", you mean the fact that you could bench press him with one arm.
Lt. Alara Kitan: Apparently, having a girlfriend with ten times your physical strength makes a guy feel emasculated.

Isaac: You asked to be subjected to a variety of frightening situations, so I designed a program based on inquiries conducted with the crew, in order to select a number of baseline phobias with which to populate the program.
Cmdr. Kelly Grayson: The simulation began in the corridor, right before you saw the clown.
Lt. Alara Kitan: But how did you...
[realizing]
Lt. Alara Kitan: A memory wipe.
Dr. Claire Finn: If you knew you were in a simulation, the fear wouldn't be real. So you needed a short-term memory wipe to erase any knowledge of the request. It's a risky procedure, but you told me it was essential for the protection of classified security material. I ought to write you up for lying to a medical officer.
Lt. Alara Kitan: Wait, so who's afraid of clowns?
Lt. John LaMarr: That's me.
Lt. Alara Kitan: You really are afraid of clowns?
Lt. John LaMarr: Yes. Please stop saying the "C" word.

Calivon: What brings you all the way out here, besides the fact we have the widest variety of species on exhibit anywhere in the sector?
Isaac: There is a matter I wish to discuss with you.
Calivon: If you're going to try and sell me that Xelayan female, I already have one.
Isaac: She is not for sale. She is... my pet.
Alara: Woof.

Luther H. Gillis: You go from a red Ferrari to a turquoise Vespa? You realize P.I.s are supposed to be inconspicuous, right?
Thomas: I take what I can get.
Luther H. Gillis: Not me. My Honda Accord was voted most boring car by at least four different websites.
Willa: If you didn't notice, he's proud of that fact.

Lieutenant: White dude can go to Compton, as long as a black guy says it's cool.
Alara: I have no idea what that means, but yes.

Lt. Alara Kitan: Open your stupid ears and listen: All I ever needed to hear from you was "You can do it". That's all. Just once. And-and maybe it would have been a lie, but I needed that, dad. I really needed it. And you know who said it to me instead? Captain Mercer, Commander Grayson, and everyone on the Orville. But not my own father.

Alara: [explosion outside shuttle] Oh my god, they're under attack!
Kelly: Alara, those are testing zones.
Alara: What are you talking about?
Ed: Malcas's primary industry is weapons manufacturing, so they're a little fast and loose with their research and development.
John: They test explosives wherever the hell they want.
Gordon: [another explosion] Oh, frack!

Capt. Ed Mercer: Alara, you invoked directive 38 to prevent us from shutting down the program when it got too hot in there. I ought to court-martial you on this very spot for the position you put us in. We were really worrried about you.
Lt. Alara Kitan: Captain, I am so sorry. I mean, I don't... I don't remember it, but still, I'm sorry.
Capt. Ed Mercer: I'm letting it slide because no one got hurt. And also because you owned every crisis Isaac threw at you.
Cmdr. Kelly Grayson: Every insane situation you were up against, you handled like a first-rate officer.
Capt. Ed Mercer: There should be no doubt in your mind that you are capable of doing your job.

Capt. Ed Mercer: Alara, open a hailing channel. Attention Krill ship, this is the U.S.S...
Lt. Alara Kitan: Ah, I haven't done it yet.
[cutting Ed off]
Capt. Ed Mercer: Oh, sorry.
Lt. Alara Kitan: Okay, you're on.
Capt. Ed Mercer: Now?
Lt. Alara Kitan: Yeah.
Capt. Ed Mercer: All right.

Cmdr. Kelly Grayson: [after passing through the spatial anomaly] Damage report.
Lt. Alara Kitan: Multiple hull fractures, nine overloaded power conduits, and Ensign Davis spilled soy sauce on his pants.
Capt. Ed Mercer: He put that in a damage report?
Lt. Alara Kitan: Yes.
Capt. Ed Mercer: My god, we got to get better people.