Top 30 Quotes From Dr. Claire Finn

Isaac: Doctor, are your children always this combative?
Dr. Claire Finn: Only when they're awake.
Isaac: The older, less intelligent one seems to derive pleasure from inflicting damage upon his younger, weaker sibling.
Dr. Claire Finn: He's a kid. They act up.
Ty: Ow!
Dr. Claire Finn: Oh, my god. If I have to come back there one more time, I will lose my mind. Knock it off!

First: [Grabs Ed's hand] Stop. Your hands are soft. I like soft hands.
[to Kelly]
First: Do you use this one for mating?
Cmdr. Kelly Grayson: No. I mean... I don't.
First: I would mate with this one. Would you lend him to me for the evening?
Cmdr. Kelly Grayson: He's not mine to lend.
First: Well then. No one will object if I take him.
Dr. Claire Finn: Yes, we all would. Men are not commodities, they have rights.
First: I do not understand. Either he is yours to lend or not. If you have no claim to him, I will exert one. He will attend to me this evening.
Cmdr. Kelly Grayson: That is not how it works here.
Lt. Gordon Malloy: I'll do it.

Dr. Claire Finn: I'm hungry. Will somebody get me a pizza?
Lt. Cmdr. Bortus: What kind of pizza?
Capt. Ed Mercer: She's not getting a pizza.

Dr. Claire Finn: [a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson's 'Nature' essay, 1836] If the stars should appear one night in a thousand years, how would men believe and adore and preserve for many generations the remembrance of the city of god...

Yaphit: I think I lost a piece.
Dr. Claire Finn: Uh, excuse me?
Yaphit: I feel like I'm missing a piece, and I can't for the life of me figure out where i lost it.
Dr. Claire Finn: Well, okay. Hop up on the table, let's have a look.
[scanning him]
Dr. Claire Finn: I'm not quite sure how to ask this, but when your species loses a piece of tissue, is it conscious?
Yaphit: Kind of. I have a dim sense of a dark, wet place. I-I just can't get any more specific than that.

Dr. Claire Finn: [after Marcus is caught with a bottle of alcohol] I'm starting to think that I suck at this parenting thing.
Isaac: I must agree with that assessment.
Dr. Claire Finn: [insulted] Well, what would you have done?
Isaac: My anthropological studies have revealed many different methods of discipline employed throughout human history. Perhaps compulsory consumption of further quantities of alcohol will diminish his desire for the substance.
Dr. Claire Finn: Pour booze down his throat until he can't handle any more?
Isaac: Precisely.
Dr. Claire Finn: Yeah, that's called murder, Isaac. That's not gonna work.
Isaac: I see. I thank you for allowing me to observe this conflict, Doctor. It has been most illuminating.
Dr. Claire Finn: [sarcastic] Oh, always here to entertain.

Isaac: Ah, you are home. It is about time.
Dr. Claire Finn: Isaac? What are you doing?
Isaac: I am awaiting my dinner. This has caused me to become displeased.
Dr. Claire Finn: You don't eat. And what the hell are you wearing? Is that underwear?
Isaac: Affirmative.
Dr. Claire Finn: I thought we were going out tonight. I was looking forward to trying that butter cake at Mooska's.
Isaac: The last thing you need is more dessert.
Dr. Claire Finn: Excuse me?
Isaac: As I am incapable of stuttering, I must conclude that you heard me.
Dr. Claire Finn: Okay, you're going to tell me what's going on right now, beginning with an apology for what you just said.
Isaac: I am sorry you are upset. Perhaps you are on your period.
Dr. Claire Finn: Get out. Right now.

Isaac: I am afraid we cannot end the simulation at this time.
Dr. Claire Finn: Isaac, look at her bio-signs. Her adrenaline levels are through the roof.
Capt. Ed Mercer: Isaac, shut it down, now!
Isaac: I am sorry, Captain. I do not have the authority to do so. Lieutenant Kitan has exercised directive 38 in the execution of this program.
Capt. Ed Mercer: No bare feet in the engineering section? What does that have to do...
Cmdr. Kelly Grayson: No, 38.
Capt. Ed Mercer: Oh, 38. Wait a minute, she exercised directive 38 for this?
Dr. Claire Finn: What does that mean?
Cmdr. Kelly Grayson: It's an extreme crisis-only regulation that allows the chief of security on board a starship the ability to override all other clearance. Including the captain's.
Dr. Claire Finn: What in God's name for?
Capt. Ed Mercer: In the rare case that the captain has been compromised in some way; alien influence, extreme drunkenness, that kind of thing. If they use it and they're wrong, it's a career-ender. And it's definitely not meant to be used for something like this.

Dr. Claire Finn: [seeing a portrait in Yaphit's quarters] And what is this? Is this you and your mom?
Yaphit: Kind of. My species reproduces by mitosis. That used to be my mom, but now it's me and my brother. He got the looks, obviously.

Dr. Claire Finn: Two-dimensional life forms? How is that possible?
Capt. Ed Mercer: Is there any way we can communicate with them?
Isaac: Negative. Our modes of existence are incompatible.
Capt. Ed Mercer: Then get every bit of scanning data you can. Union physicists will be writing papers about this for decades.
Cmdr. Kelly Grayson: Well, if we can't talk to them, at least we can watch.
Lt. Gordon Malloy: Wait, so, does that mean that there could be fourth- or fifth-dimensional people watching us right now?
Isaac: It is possible.
Lt. Gordon Malloy: But do you think... I mean, they wouldn't, like... watch us all the time, right?
Isaac: I do not know.
Lt. Gordon Malloy: I mean, do you think, like, could they see under a blanket, or... in the s-sleeve of a down coat?
Capt. Ed Mercer: Gordon, I don't know what you're driving at, but I'm gonna go ahead and change the subject.

Isaac: On my planet, when a program is not functioning properly, it is deleted.
Dr. Claire Finn: That's always an option.
Isaac: If you wish, I will vaporize them.
Dr. Claire Finn: No! For god's sake, I'm kidding.

Dr. Claire Finn: Captain. Do you ever sit in your quarters and look out the window? Do you ever stop and watch the darkness out there? It's very, very dark in space. Look so empty. But there are terrors lurking all around us in the infinite shadows. You can't see them, but they are there.

Dr. Claire Finn: Isaac, do you think I'm a bad parent?
Isaac: Yes.

Lt. Talla Keyali: [analyzing Dr. Finn's relationship with Isaac] You know, there is one upside here: he doesn't eat.
Dr. Claire Finn: How is that an upside?
Lt. Talla Keyali: Every time I'm in a relationship, I gain weight. It's just all about food.
Cmdr. Kelly Grayson: That's true. Like, 90% of a relationship is going, "What should we eat?"
Lt. Talla Keyali: You go out, you eat, you drink, you come home, you eat more, you drink more...
Cmdr. Kelly Grayson: Ed and I gained 40 pounds combined when we were married.
Lt. Talla Keyali: That's why I always try to break up with guys by summer.
Cmdr. Kelly Grayson: God, we were fat.

Dr. Claire Finn: It's a lot harder to hate from up close.

Dr. Claire Finn: [quotes William Byron Emerson] If the stars should appear one night in a thousand years, how would men believe and adore and preserve for many generations the remembrance of the city of god...

Dr. Claire Finn: It's three in the morning.
Isaac: Surprise.

Dr. Claire Finn: Everything Forbidden is Sweet.

Dr. Claire Finn: Bortus. What can I do for you?
Lt. Cmdr. Bortus: I am experiencing digestive discomfort.
Dr. Claire Finn: With your iron stomach? Okay. Have a seat.
[scanning him]
Dr. Claire Finn: Um, Yaphit?
Yaphit: Yeah?
Dr. Claire Finn: I think I found your piece.
Yaphit: Wh... what do you mean?
Dr. Claire Finn: Inside Bortus' digestive tract.
Yaphit: What? What the hell, man? You friggin' ate me?
Lt. Cmdr. Bortus: I did not eat you.
Yaphit: Well, what the hell am I doing inside you, you bastard?

Dr. Claire Finn: I wanted to thank you for taking such good care of my kids. They're everything to me.
Isaac: I thank you for the opportunity to observe them. It was quite informative.
Dr. Claire Finn: The boys adore you. I don't know why or how you managed to keep them in line, but... I'm sure as hell glad you did.

Dr. Claire Finn: Goals change. Things become more beautifully complicated. And so we have to stop every so often and re-assess: What is it you really want?

Ed: Dr. Claire Finn. You're my chief medical officer, yes?
Dr. Claire Finn: Yes, sir, I am. Welcome aboard.
Ed: Your credentials are exceptional. Molecular surgery, DNA engineering, psychiatry. You could be posted on a heavy cruiser. What are you doing on the Orville?
Dr. Claire Finn: I always request my transfers based on where I think I'm needed. I feel more stimulated that way.
Ed: So what made your request this ship?
Dr. Claire Finn: Well, this is your first command, and I think you could use my help.
Ed: So you think I might screw up.
Dr. Claire Finn: No, sir, I didn't say that, sir.
Ed: Well, no, but you implied that you don't think I have the balls to do this job.
Dr. Claire Finn: Well, I am your doctor, sir, and if your balls are under par, I'll know.

Dr. Claire Finn: Isaac. I would very much like to go out with you.
Isaac: Out? Into space?

Dr. Aronov: This is Janice Lee, one of our most brilliant young physicists.
Dr. Claire Finn: [shaking hands] Hello.
Janice: Hi.
Dr. Aronov: Janice has been experimenting with temporal fields and has made... well, a breakthrough would be an understatement.
[Janice sets a banana on the table, then taps on her hand-held pad; an electric bubble covers the banana, and it rapidly rots]
Ed: So, it's an anti-banana ray?
Kelly: It's really interesting.
Ed: We need no longer fear the banana.
Kelly: Does it work on all fruit?
Ed: What about salads?
Dr. Aronov: Do you understand what happened to this banana? It's rotten because a month has passed.
Ed: Since we got here? Yeah, that's what it feels like.

Dr. Claire Finn: Do you understand why you are here?
Lt. Cmdr. Bortus: Because the captain has ordered it.
Dr. Claire Finn: Technically, yes, but do you know why the captain has ordered you to attend couples counseling?
Klyden: So I do not stab Bortus again?
Dr. Claire Finn: That is one of our goals, yes.

Dr. Claire Finn: [after Isaac's knowledge of her is making their date difficult] Let's flip the tables here.
[Isaac flips their table over onto the floor]
Dr. Claire Finn: That's not what I meant.
Isaac: Reset table.
[Simulation table reappears]

Dr. Claire Finn: LAMARR!
Lt. Cmdr. John LaMarr: Hey, what's up, doc? What are you doing down here?
Dr. Claire Finn: You and I need to have a chat.
Lt. Cmdr. John LaMarr: Uh, about what?
Dr. Claire Finn: My soon-to-be husband is very impressionable. I assumed someone as smart as you would have deduced that by observation, but apparently not.
Lt. Cmdr. John LaMarr: Oh.
Dr. Claire Finn: Yeah! And it's not the first time it's happened. If you recall, I had to see Isaac in ratty underwear because of more "guidance" you gave him.
Lt. Cmdr. John LaMarr: Right, but I didn't tell him to put that on...
Dr. Claire Finn: Uhh! Not interested. If you ever again give Isaac a single tidbit of personal advice, even if it's about what cologne to use, I will come down here and I will eat your little punk ass for breakfast with a glass of grapefruit juice, you got me?
Lt. Cmdr. John LaMarr: I - yep, I got you.
Dr. Claire Finn: Good.
[leaves]
Lt. Cmdr. John LaMarr: [to his staff] The hell you all looking at?

Yaphit: [giving Dr. Finn a bouquet of flowers] Dr. Claire Finn, these are for you.
Dr. Claire Finn: Yaphit, I'm extremely busy.
Yaphit: Look, I'm gonna go for broke. I'm here to ask you out to dinner, and I'm not gonna take no for an answer.
Dr. Claire Finn: Then we have a problem, because "no" is the only answer I have for you.

Yaphit: Hey, Doc.
Dr. Claire Finn: [to herself] Oh, god. The last person I want to see right now.

Dr. Claire Finn: Clichés become clichéd precisely because they're valid enough to bare endless repetition.