The Best Helen Lovejoy Quotes

Homer: [Finds Helen Lovejoy at a sex shop] The minister's wife? What are you doing here?
Helen: Uh, protesting.
Reverend: [Comes out of a dressing room wearing bondage wear] Is this domineering enough for you?
Helen: Go back to the cowboy thing and wait in the car.
Reverend: Help me out here, Homer.
[Homer laughs uneasily and walks away]

Helen: You are so blind, even Jesus couldn't heal you.
Reverend: Helen, please. Don't drop the J-bomb.

Helen: Won't somebody please blame the children!

Reverend: All these people are going to listen to my sermon.
Helen: Did Saint John worry about the crowd?
Reverend: He wrote letters! Any fool can write letters!

Bart: Bart Simpson: Finally, thanks to Mrs. K, I'll know what goes on in the teachers' lounge.
Helen: Elizabeth Hoover: No, this is not a sales call. It's an opportunity to improve your life with gutter guards.
Ms. Timberwood: Ms. Timberwood: Ma'am, are you sure your family will be taken care of in case of a sinkhole?

Helen: Helen Lovejoy: This woman's gonna get what she want's today.
Homer: Barney Gumble: Barney's gonna buy a new sconce today.

Lenny: Wow. It was called "Crystal War" because they were all turned to crystals.
Carl: Hey, now it's not the time for your cold-hearted analysis.
Professor: The sequel isn't coming out for a year.
Helen: What loving God would make us wait that long?
Bart: A year? That's, like, a million years.
Groundskeeper: [angrily] I cannot wait. Don't you leave me, you be-cape-ed-gob-smashers!
[groans]