The Best I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson Quotes

Bassist: Alright, sir? We know our song's good. We got a deal or not?
Record: Well, we were a little more interested in the parts Billy was singing.
Bassist: Uh, Billy as in me or Billy as in him?
Record: Your name's Billy too?
Bassist: No, that's why I'm so fucking confused.

Various: Hey, Meredith? I'm worried that the baby thinks people can't change.

Baby of the Year Host: Let's hear once again from the babies' pediatrician.
Dr. Skull: Baby Porkins is 99th percentile in weight, and 10th percentile in height.
Baby of the Year Host: Ooo-hoo! We've got a certified choad on our hands. Little tuna can.
Dr. Skull: Baby Fubbins is also 90th percentile in weight.
Baby of the Year Host: Ooh, another choad!
Dr. Skull: Mr. Jarvis is one of the most aggressive babies I've ever met. He has a massive underbite, and completely flat back of the head.
Audience: I hope you fucking die, Harley Jarvis!
Baby of the Year Host: Get him... out of here!
Dr. Skull: I'm honestly done. I don't want to read anymore.

Drive: Hi, can I take your order?
Various: [yelling] Fifty-five burgers! Fifty-five fries! Fifty-five tacos! Fifty-five pies! Fifty-five cokes! One-hundred tater tots! One-hundred pizzas! One-hundred tenders! One-hundred meatballs! One-hundred coffees! Fifty-five wings! Fifty-five shakes! Fifty-five pancakes! Fifty-five pastas! Fifty-five peppers! And one-hundred and fifty-five taters!
Drive: Okay, that will be $680.00.
Various: Okay.

Greg: Alright, that's it. I have to get this off my chest.
[reading]
Greg: Earlier today, when I was waiting to use the private bathroom, I witnessed Michael Patrick Porkins' father performing oral on the mystery judge of the competition. I've been conflicted about whether to say anything, because I feel like Michael Patrick Porkins could win it even without the oral. His father didn't need to do the oral! And that is why this is so tough... for me to tell about the oral.
Baby of the Year Host: Ah man, that's a bummer. Might fuck this whole thing up. Alright, while the judges make their decisions, let's watch our In Memoriam segment.
Greg: Oh no...
Baby of the Year Host: Calm down, they're old ones! They don't stay babies forever, y'idiot. Fuckin'... stupid... asshole.

The: Damn you, Skeletrex!

Various: Glass house, white Ferrari, live for New Year's Eve, sloppy steaks at Truffoni's. Big, rare cut of meat with water dumped all over it, water splashing around the table? Makes the night *so* much more fun. After the club, go to Truffoni's for sloppy steaks. They'd say, 'No sloppy steaks,' but they can't stop you from ordering a steak and a glass of water! Before you knew it, we were dumping that water on those steaks. The waiters were coming to try and snatch 'em up; we had to eat as fast as we could. Oh, I miss those nights; I *was* a piece of shit though!

Dan: [to Chunky] Don't! Talk! The mouth on the thing doesn't move!