Top 50 Quotes From The Pretender

Jarod: I want each of you to understand that there is only one unforgivable sin in my class. I will not, under any circumstance, tolerate any disrespect for these cadavers. Underneath each of these plastic sheets lies a human being. Many of these bodies, they come to us unknown and unclaimed, which means that they died alone and afraid. With no friends, no homes. Forgotten by their families and thrown away by society. Therefore, they will not be disrespected in this classroom.

USAF: The Government wants it's money back.

Jarod: Trust your inner sense, Miss Parker. I do.

[to Broots' daughter Debbie]
Miss: These are the house rules: no running, no playing, no feet on the furniture, and no noise, which includes crying and whining. Be invisible and we'll get along just fine.

Freighter: Ma'm the materials on board are highly explosive!
Miss: So am I.

Miss: [phone rings] What?
Jarod: Well, well, well, long time no see. And how's life treating you?
Miss: Like he caught me in bed with his wife.

Broots: I, uh, know it's none of my business, Syd, but sometimes Memory Lane can be a dead-end street.

Miss: Make up your mind, Sydney. Be a scientist or a mommy. You can't be both.

Stan: So Forest, where did you do your mountain training?
Jarod: In the mountains, mostly.
Stan: Yeah. No, seriously, where were you stationed? Fort Lewis?
Jarod: You were in the Army too?
Stan: Fifteen years. You ever come across a Sgt. Tripcheck? A Ranger instructor at Benning?
Jarod: Sounds familiar.
Nia: He's lying, Stan. He's really one of the Stooges.
Stan: You two know each other?
Nia: We ran into each other once.

Jarod: You make the rules.
Miss: That's just the way I like it.

Miss: You mean a shrink, don't you? Thanks Syd, but I'll leave the mental masturbation to someone else.

Sydney: [laughing] Here I am, trying to comfort you.
Miss: [looking hurt] As if anything you could ever do would give me comfort?
Sydney: [quickly sobers] It did once.

Mrs. Nikkos: You a doctor?
Jarod: I am today.

Mr. Raines: We've had too many years, too much success for things to end this way.
Mr. Parker: Who says it's ending for me.

Miss: [Referring to her nicotine patch] The only way this thing is gonna help me is if I roll it and smoke it.

Kyle: Don't worry, sheriff. I'm no hero.

Miss: Score one for Captain Kangaroo.

Miss: I want to kill her not screw her.

Jarod: Karma. Ain't it a bitch?

Jarod: Love transcends death. The people we love touch our lives, even after they're gone.

Jarod: Trust in the Force, young Jedi. I saw your laser disk last night.

[Miss: 44 a.m., waking her up]
Miss: What?
Jarod: Oh, I intentially wake you in your deepest sleep phase and all I get is a lifeless 'what'?

Jarod: You're a garbage man?
Axe: "Sanitation Engineer."

Miss: Jarod will take the use of his simulation as a personal attack.
Mr. Lyle: That sounds like a threat.
Sydney: To involve Jarod as an accessory to murder and kidnapping, that is asking for retribution the likes of which you can't even imagine.
Mr. Lyle: I'll take that under advisement.

Miss: I never thought I'd hear you say 'murder is business as usual,' Syd.

Sydney: How come you know so much about Greek lore?
Miss: I did a lot of frat boys in college.

Miss: Since when do you hate to fly?
Broots: I don't hate to fly. I hate to barf.

Claire: Jarod, if you ever wanta get together, pick each other's brains, little one-on-one...
Jarod: Careful Claire, don't cross a line you can't come back from.

Miss: Why did you save my life?
Jarod: Because I still remember the little girl who gave me my first kiss.

Sydney: How do you think he will hold up?
Miss: Before or after he wets his pants?

Broots: Actually Ms. Parker, I don't think we're in Kansas any more.

Broots: Miss Parker!
[hugs Miss Parker]
Miss: Do you want me to hurt you?

Broots: [to Miss Parker] Is today your birthday? How old are you?
[Miss Parker glares at him]
Broots: Young, I'm sure.

Miss: You shouldn't underestimate Jarod. And you should never underestimate me. And the next time that you send me into a building that is gonna explode, it had better blow, because if it doesn't it's gonna be your gray matter they will be mopping up with a toothbrush.

Sydney: You believe someone stole your mother's body?
Miss: Except for this Scotch-induced earthquake rattling between my ears, I'm not sure exactly what to believe anymore.
Broots: Let's face it, Sydney. Catherine Parker's body being gone fits in with all the other bizarre happenings around here. The reappearance of Edna Raines, who, after 30 years, everyone thought was dead...
Miss: And now who really is dead, thanks to the Bald Butcher she called hubby.

Miss: Broots may be an idiot, but he's my idiot. I'm the only one who gets to terrorize him.

Mr. Lyle: The powers are tired of the way things have been run. Tired of the inefficiency. Angry that Jarod's still out there.
Brigitte: I don't understand why it's so hard to capture one man.
Miss: Jarod's not just a man. He's a Pretender. A human chameleon. A genius who can literally become anyone that he wants to be.

Kyle: [to Jarod after he is injured and they are surrounded] Go! Find our parents!
[gives Jarod their father's medal]
Kyle: Don't tell them what I became.

[Sydney is on the phone with Jarod and Broots is trying to trace the call]
Broots: Keep talking. We've almost got him.
[Jarod flips a switch on a box near his phone, causing a high-pitched sound to terminate any sort of trace to his phone]
Jarod: Tell Broots I discovered RadioShack.

Broots: I'm tellin' you, all the weirdness around here is courtesy of Mr. Skin Grafts himself.

Kyle: [as he is dying in Jarod's arms] I'm sorry, Jarod.
Jarod: For what?
Kyle: For everything.
[Kyle's hand slips out of Jarod's and he dies]

Sydney: You can't save them all, Jarod. You may be a Pretender, but you're human.

Catherine: Trust can kill you or set you free.

Jarod: Is that pig wearing a baseball cap?

Nia: So, who am I paired with, Stan?
Stan: [Looks at Jarod] Moe.

Isaak: How long have you been a lawyer?
Jarod: About 7 minutes.

Miss: [to Jarod, after he meets her face-to-face] You've got quite a set, showing up here.

Broots: [to Sydney who's on the phone with Jarod] Keep talkin' to him, we almost got him!
Jarod: [Jarod flips a switch to turn on a high pitched noise and force Broots off the tracking] Tell Broots I discovered Radio Shack.

Broots: What died down here?
Miss: What didn't?

Kimberly: Didn't you ever eat cookies as a kid?
Jarod: They didn't have cookies where I grew up.
Kimberly: Where'd you grow up? Mars?
Jarod: Sort of.