The Best Jonah Quotes

Jonah: We got pinkeye.
Ben: Were you giving butterfly kisses or something?
Jason: Ha ha ha, very funny That's not how you get pinkeye. You get it from poo particles making their way into your ocular cavities.
Jay: Um, I farted on Jason's pillow as a practical joke. He farted on Jonah's, thinking it was mine, and then eventually pinkeyed my pillow. I'm not proud any of this, but I think we're all forgiven each other. Um, but we can't go anywhere.
Pete: You can get pinkeye from farting in a pillow?
Jonah: Totally!
Pete: That's awesome!
Jonah: Jesus, Martin got it bad. What, did someone take a dump on your eye?
Martin: No. No pinkeye for me. I'm just really... high.

Jonah: Hey Crocket, how's Tubbs doing?
Martin: Oh, another beard joke?
Jonah: How did it feel changing your name from Cat Stevens to Yusef Islam?
Martin: It was really awkward.
Jonah: See ya... Scorcese on coke.

Jonah: I won't say it but it rhymes with shmashmortion.

Jay: Man, my balls are shaved, my pubes are trimmed, I'm ready to fuckin' rock this shit!
Jonah: What the fuck, man? If I go in there and see fuckin' pubes sprinkled on the toilet seat, I'm gonna fuckin' lose my mind! Last time I went to the bathroom, Jay, I took a shit and my shit looked like a fuckin' stuffed animal!

Jason: You stay here.
Martin: Why?
Jason: Cause your face looks like a vagina.
Martin: Dick!
Jonah: How's it going Crockett, been hanging with Tubbs lately?
Martin: Come on man, I'm getting it from all angles here, I really don't like it anymore.
Jonah: I know, me either. Was it weird when you changed your name from Cat Stevens to Yusef Islam?
Martin: Yeah, it was really awkward.
Jonah: All right, see you later Scorcese on coke.
Jay: [Makes a roar like Chewbacca from Star Wars]
Martin: What the fuck was that?
Jay: You know, Chewbacca.
Martin: Oh, another beard joke.
Jay: [walks away, embarrassed] Fuck.
Martin: Fucking hilarious!

Jonah: Dude, I didn't go to Yale to work 24 hours a day.
Jason: Dude, you went to a city college.
Jonah: I went where I went, alright?