The Best Mike Hammond Quotes

Mike: Congratulations, stud.
Sam: What did I do now?
Mike: I don't know. I don't know, Arnold. Just what did you do?
Sam: Nothing.
Mike: Right.
Alia: Don't be so modest, Arnie.
Mike: Arnie?
Sam: Arnie?
Alia: I'm not ashamed of what we did.
Mike: Oh, that does it. I want you, dweebo, today at the quarry!
Sam: Just wait a minute...
Mike: And bring your wheels!
Sam: If you wanna commit suicide, that's your problem.
Alia: That's not what you said last night.
Sam: What?
Alia: You said that Mike and his friends were just playing a bunch of crazy kids' games, that they had no idea what real danger was like.
Mike: I'll show you danger. The quarry, an hour!
[Mike storms out of the library]
Sam: Dawn, what's going on?
[Sam grabs Alia, allowing the two leapers to see each others' true forms]
Sam: My god... Alia?
Alia: I don't have a choice, Sam.

[Sam has just fallen off the hood of a driving car]
Mike: Just what the hell kind of stunt was that?
Sam: I don't know.
Frank: He must've landed on his head. Lucky it's empty.

Dawn: I never met a real superhero before. Hi, I'm Dawn Taylor.
Sam: Hi, I'm... Arnold Watkins.
[they shake hands]
Dawn: Just how fast was that speeding car going?
Sam: Oh, it wasn't really going fast. I mean, when I got on it, it was standing.
[Dawn leaps out and Alia leaps in]
Sam: You okay?
Mike: She's fine, she's fine. Her only problem is she's smelling your dirty socks, Arnold.

[the morning after "Arnold" enraged the Chi Kappas and Alia has discovered who he really is]
Mike: What's wrong with you?
Alia: Nothing.
Mike: Where'd you disappear to last night? I tried to call you.
Alia: I had a study date, or did you forget?
Mike: No, I didn't forget. But that was before your date tried to break up our initiation.
Alia: I know. I was there. It was hilarious watching you all plowing through the bushes looking for him, with Arnold safely curled up in my backseat.
[Mike grabs Alia]
Alia: Get your hands off me.
Mike: This is me, baby. Mike. Your guy.
Alia: My ex-guy.
Mike: Don't tell me you're hot for that wimp.
Alia: Oh, you'd be amazed, Mike. A man's performance on the basketball court has nothing to do with his performance in bed.