The Best Mort Quotes

Mort: Frank. Frank. I need some water. My mouth is dry.
Frank: Your mouth is dry. Go into the toilet and run your mouth under the sink.
[Mac and Charlie raise their hands]
Dennis: Okay...
Charlie: Yeah, can I? Could I? Can I?
Dee: [raises hand] I have a...
Charlie: Who's that?
Frank: He's the mortician. I invited him.

[preparing for a child's beauty pageant]
Mort: Frank. Frank. I need some water. My mouth is dry.
Frank: Your mouth is dry. Go into the toilet and run your mouth under the sink.
[Mac and Charlie raise their hands]
Dennis: Okay...
Charlie: Yeah, can I? Could I? Can I?
Dee: [raises hand] I have a...
Charlie: Who's that?
Frank: He's the mortician. I invited him.