50 Best Sally Struthers Quotes

Charlene: [arrives] Hi. Sorry I'm late.
Fran: Charlene. I didn't know you were out.
Charlene: Yeah, all day. Wow, dinner looks great. Shame. Too bad I already ate.
[grabs a chicken drumstick]
Charlene: Bye. La, la.
[Charlene leaves]
Fran: [Earl groans] I swear this family is falling apart. We might as well just be strangers who live in the same house. Dinner used to be the one hour when we all got together to share the events of the day.
Earl: Not true, Fran. It never took us a whole hour to eat dinner.
[Fran groans]
Fran: Well, at least you're here to have dinner with Mommy, aren't you?
Baby: Already ate.
Fran: You already ate? What did you eat?
Baby: You aren't gonna like it.

Charlene: Thanks a lot, Mom! I took your advice and made that solar system, and you know I really enjoyed doing it, I really felt good about myself, I thought my life was changing, and then the boys in my class ate it!
Fran: [gasps] Charlene, I'm sure the teacher appreciated your effort.
Charlene: They ate it before he saw it! Oh, it was a real solar system with planets and the sun... and the boys said I'm a female and I shouldn't stick my nose in the universe where it doesn't belong.

Robbie: We could get the fridge back.
Charlene: [sarcastically] Oh right, Rob, let's just go to the store and swipe it, I'll take my extra large purse.

[Charlene stutters at Robbie; who is in a bad mood after his 30th day at work]
Robbie: [annoyed] What?
Charlene: Well, since you've been helping me with my homework, I've got a shot of getting my first B.
Robbie: What is it?
Charlene: So, I was wondering, could you help find the continent of Pangaea on this map?
[Charlene opens the map which shows the continent of Pangaea]
Robbie: You're grounded for a week.
Charlene: For what?
Robbie: *Stupidity*!
Charlene: You can't ground me for that!
Robbie: Are we trying for a month?
Charlene: Yeah, but...
[leaves in anger]
Charlene: Oh, brothers! You are...
Robbie: Hey, and shut that door! Do I have to air-condition the whole neighborhood?
[the door slams shut]

Baby: I wanna go to school.
Charlene: Why?
Baby: So I can stay home.
Charlene: You are home.
Baby: Then I got my way.

Robbie: [watching a holiday themed paint commercial on TV] Using Refrigerator Day to sell paint kind of cheapens the holiday, doesn't it?
Charlene: Oh who's to say? That's one of those big confusing moral issues.

Muse: The world is round.
Charlene: What?
Muse: You know how people think the earth is flat, like a pancake? Well it's not, it's round like an orange.
Charlene: The world is an orange... and?
Muse: And? Well that's it. It's one of my best ones, don't you think?
Charlene: Yeah but what kind of an orange, is it navel or juicer, what?

Charlene: Dad, I can't go out there. I'm too nervous.
Roy: Oh. Here's a tip for stage fright.
Charlene: What?
Roy: Imagine the audience is in their underwears.
Charlene: Two thousand teenage boys in their underwear? See you on stage.

Robbie: I don't want your money.
Charlene: I do.
B.P. Richfield: Smart girl. You must be very proud of your daughter.
Earl: Oh yes, my daughter, very proud, all mine. My son, who knows? I was in babylon.

Earl: Hey, kids. Is it off? Did they take it off yet?
TV: The Smoo Show, now on seven nights a week.
[Earl Sinclair moans]
Robbie: Nice day's work, Dad.
Charlene: Yeah.
Earl: Thanks, Mr. Negative. I'll have you know we were out planting the seeds of change. You just wait. Those seeds are gonna bear fruit.
TV: Then, from the producers of The Smoo Show, it's The Flark Show followed by Kiss My Glick.
Robbie: Who can say, Dad? It's probably just a coincidence.
Charlene: Yeah, you got them on the run. A couple more protest raillies, they'll make it into a mini-series.
Earl: Ha, ha, ha. You have anything to say?
Baby: Flark, bad. Glick, bad.
Earl: There, see? My message got through.
Baby: Smoo? That's funny!
[laughs]
Earl: Oh, this is so discouraging. TV has become the cesspool of vulgarity.
Fran: Then why don't you just turn it off?
Earl: Because, I shouldn't have to turn off my TV set, ever! I worked my whole life, I raised my family. I wanna be able to park them in front of the TV, and I know they're gonna watch good, clean, time-consuming, energy-sapping entertainment. So by the time I get home, they can barley wave hello.
Fran: Well, obviously, the TV network dosen't care how you feel.
Earl: Then I'm gonna have to go over their heads.
[Earl Sinclair leaves]

Charlene: Dad, say something.
Earl: Uh, Your Honor, if I may address the court...
Judge: No.
Earl: Nothing further.
[clicks his teeth]
Charlene: What?

Earl: As you can see, I have separated all known dinosaur wisdom into three categories: animal, vegetable, rocks.
Robbie: Well, what about fire?
Earl: Vegetable.
Charlene: What about water?
Earl: Water is the opposite of fire, which we have previously established as a vegetable. What's the opposite of a vegetable? Fruit. So, water is a fruit! Fruit is not a vegetable, so it has to be either an animal or a rock. We know it's not an animal. Therefore, fruit is a rock.

Charlene: [while wearing a prosthetic tail] Isn't it just the most lovely night outside?

Baby: Okay, Georgie. Can I have my hug now?
Earl: [as Georgie] Oh, sure, special little guy.
[chuckles as Georgie]
Earl: Assuming my head doesn't fall off.
Charlene: Yay.
[Earl kisses Baby Sinclair as Georgie]
Robbie: Aw, isn't that special?
Baby: Yay!

Charlene: [about dinner] Doesn't look done to me.
Earl: It's done, it's damn done.
[creature in pot takes the cooking fork]
Creature: Here you go, hey, next time you might want to turn the stove on. Uh, just a suggestion.

Charlene: I'm carnivorous, Daddy, I'll eat anything that moves.
[opens the fridge]
Charlene: It's Charlene.
[the creatures scream]
Earl: Charlene, you are now my new son.
Charlene: Thanks, Daddy, can I have money for lipstick?

Mr. Pulman: Sorry to have bothered you, Charlene.
Charlene: It's okay.

Charlene: [Ethyl's unconscious] Grandma, can you say something?
Robbie: Hey look, look, I think she's coming around.
Earl: No no no no no, no the hole's already dug, let's get on with it.
Ethyl: Not so fast fat boy.
[takes Earl's shovel and hits him in the face with it]
Earl: [groans] I knew I should've had her cremated.
[falls down unconscious]
Ethyl: .Where am I?
Robbie: Grandma, we brought you home from the station. We were worried.
Charlene: Yeah, we better call your producer, I mean he thought you were dead.
Ethyl: Let him think whatever he wants, I'm not going back.
Fran: But why, Mom? I thought you loved talking about the afterlife.
Ethyl: I do, Fran, but if I'm ever gonna go back, I can't just sit around watching the grass grow. What I'm going to do is enjoy life and love each and every one of you... starting tomorrow.
Fran: Why not today?
Ethyl: Because today, there's a perfectly good hole in the backyard and we're gonna bury fat boy in it.
Earl: [comes around] What?
[Ethyl hits him with the shovel again and he's knocked unconscious]
Baby: Again!
[hits his toy dinosaur on the head with a toy shovel and laughs]

Charlene: Mom, is it just me or is daddy in like a really BAD mood?
Fran: No, your father just gets cranky before howling.
Grandma: They all do, it's pre-howling syndrome. PHS.
Charlene: I'm so glad I'm a girl.

[Earl has fainted]
Charlene: Is he dead?
Fran: No, sweetheart, if he were dead there would be scavengers at the door.

Robbie: So, where's Charlene?
Baby: I told you. Monster pulled her under the bed!
Robbie: [groans] Oh, look. I'm gonna show you once and for all that there is no monster under the bed! What?
[sees a scary hole]
Robbie: Just this big scary hole leading into a cavernous netherworld.
Baby: Charlene's down there. We gotta save her!
[the monster roars]
Robbie: [cries out] Well, look, uh, just because you saw Charlene get sucked into that hole, don't necessarily mean that she's down there.
Charlene: Robbie! Help! Help me, Robbie! Can you hear me?
Robbie: Bummer.

Charlene: I don't see why Monica's putting herself through this, couldn't she just find another job?
Robbie: You're missing the whole point: Monica's fighting against injustice, struggling for the rights of females everywhere.
Earl: Yeah? Write a song about it.

Charlene: Daddy, can't I even say hello without you thinking that I want something?
[Earl looks at her]
Charlene: A sweater. I just want a sweater.
Earl: I just want dinner but it doesn't look good for either of us.

B.P. Richfield: Sinclair, I mean Miss Sinclair, can I see you here for a moment?
Charlene: Sure boss.
[she comes in]
Charlene: Yes sir?
B.P. Richfield: Since you've joined us, productivity has risen 300%.
Charlene: Oh.
B.P. Richfield: At this rate, we'll finish up your contract in six months.
Charlene: Well, no need to thank me sir.
B.P. Richfield: THANK YOU? I'm going to kill you!
Charlene: What?
B.P. Richfield: We're government contractors!
Charlene: I was just trying to be efficient.
B.P. Richfield: [gasps in terror] Don't say that WORD!
Charlene: Efficient?
B.P. Richfield: Aaahh! The e-word is our enemy! If a contract calls for three years, you take four or eight! They expect it.
Charlene: Sir, I don't understand.
B.P. Richfield: Well of course you don't, you're a female!
Charlene: [bothered] What?
B.P. Richfield: It took millions of years for males to get this system down and you screwed it up in a week!
Charlene: That doesn't make any sense.
B.P. Richfield: Oh, well, perhaps I am not making myself clear. How about this,
[slams his fist on the desk as he says it]
B.P. Richfield: YOU'RE FIRED!
Charlene: What?
B.P. Richfield: Now get out of here before I rip out your intestines and USE THEM AS A JUMP ROPE!
Charlene: [leaves in a huff. Just as she is about to head out for the door, she turns around] Efficient!
B.P. Richfield: [freaks out screaming] AAAHHH!

Charlene: [on the news regarding the bunch beetles] We've plowed over their mating grounds and annihilated an entire species.
Stan: All gone.
Charlene: And for what?
Stan: What?
Charlene: Wax fruit!

Fran: Earl, he's our baby. A mother knows.
Robbie: I don't know. That nest is pretty suspicious.
Charlene: He doesn't really look like us.
Robbie: Yeah, he's pink. None of us is pink. Isn't that kind of weird?
Charlene: Very.

Charlene: [after the war is over] I heard that somebody got killed.
Robbie: Yeah, it was some new guy... but you know we could've won!
Earl: Robbie, what're you saying?
Robbie: Well, I'm saying it's terrible that guy got killed and all, but you know we had those four-leggers on the run, we could've won it.
Earl: A boy died, don't you see the fighting didn't solve anything?
Fran: Come on, Robbie, let's get you out of that uniform, you have school tomorrow.
Robbie: Forget school, a bunch of the guys were talking about keeping the army together if they came back, they'll set up a base at the swamp so we'll be ready for them next time. They're working on a WHOLE NEW line of weapons, yeah!
Earl: Stop it! You're not a soldier, you're a kid,
[pulls Robbie into a close hug]
Earl: You're gonna go to school, you're gonna take girlfriends to dances, you're gonna drive me crazy like you always have, until it's time for you to grow up.
Robbie: Dad?
Earl: It's allright son, it's over... you're home.

Fran: [after 2 weeks with no sleep] This monster under the bed thing isn't going away. If we're ever going to get any sleep, we have to take bold, decisive, action.
[cuts to]
Fran: We're going to a motel.
Earl: Far away.
Fran: We have to get one good night's sleep and then we'll be back.
Earl: Maybe
Charlene: Oh, the number's on the fridge?
Fran: No!
Charlene: Oh.

Charlene: 500 words exactly.
Mr. Pulman: Ms. Sinclair, I congratulate you! The world is round! This does my heart good. It's the kind of bold original thinking that teachers seldom sees in the classroom.
[the door crashes]
Officer: Charlene Sinclair, you're under arrest for heresy!
Mr. Pulman: Um... cause there's a good reason for that.

Grandma: I don't know what I was thinking.
Fran: Well, I can't just stand here waiting. I'm calling the police.
Charlene: Don't bother, I'm back.
Fran: Charlene, thank heavens! Are you all right?
Charlene: I'm fine.
Grandma: Did you find the lilies?
Charlene: No. The legendary lilies were all plowed under to make room for a one-hour photo booth.

Robbie: So, you're making a scent?
Charlene: Yeah. I've got to. My real scent attracted a janitor.

Pearl: I'm your Aunt Pearl.
[Robbie and Charlene show no recognition]
Pearl: Your dad's sister. He DID tell you about me, didn't he?
Charlene: Aunt Pearl... Aunt Pearl... oh! When did you get out of prison?
Pearl: He told you I was in jail?
Charlene: Well he said you were either dead or in prison so...
Pearl: Oh that daddy of yours has got some sense of humor.
Charlene: Not really.

[Charlene comes home feeling sad]
Earl: You are not going on any more dates!
Charlene: [sadly] Well that's fine with me.
Earl: Then we're in complete agreement.
Charlene: Yes, we are.
Earl: Why?
Charlene: [voice breaking] Well, because it was the most humiliating experience of my life.
Earl: [worried anger] What did he do to you?
Charlene: He dumped me.
Earl: [whispers to Fran] Is that what the kids are calling it now, Fran?
Charlene: He met a girl with a tail that was bigger than mine and he went off with her. I walked all the way home.
[Earl frowns in pity]

Charlene: I'm sorry about your friend, the lettuce?
General: He was no lettuce! He was a cabbage. We shall not soon see his like again.

Charlene: What's that?
Robbie: My pancreas.
Charlene: I'm starving. Give it to me. I'll take your spleen too.

[Charlene's tail has finally grown in]
Robbie: [laughs in disbelief] What did you do, buy the variety pack?
Charlene: [as Robbie touches her tail] You're wasting your time, Moron-a-saurus. It's real!
Earl: [aghast] 'Real'!
Robbie: [in disgust] What! Oh, no, man! Ugh, I touched my sister's tail!

Muse: This will just take a second, and when I'm gone, you won't even remember me.
Charlene: I've heard that one before. I'm counting to five and then I'll scream, one, two...
Muse: But I've got a wonderful idea I think you'll like.
Charlene: I've also heard that one, three...

Baby: Yeah.
Charlene: Huh? Yeah?
Baby: Let's play, Fetch Snooky.
Charlene: Oh, okay. Um, how do we play?
Baby: This is Snooky.
Charlene: Oh.
Baby: [throws Snooky on the floor] Fetch him!

Earl: I'm going to be remembered, it's all I've ever wanted.
Charlene: Well everybody wants to be remembered.
Earl: You see? She gets it and she's only 10.
Charlene: Fourteen!
Earl: Whatever.

Charlene: Males are never going to give us great jobs like astronomer or tree pusher, we're going to have to take them. How long can they hold us back?
[they look at Charlene's model of a solar system with a flat world]

Robbie: What a joke! Do they believe we'd be stupid enough to fall for this garbage?
Earl: Hard to say, son. I gotta get back to work.
[Earl leaves]
Charlene: I gotta get back to school.
[Charlene leaves]

Fran: Earl, all they were doing is listening to a little music.
Pearl: Yeah.
Earl: Tonight! But next they'll want to join a band and live on the road like gypsies. Traveling from town to town, always staying one step ahead of the law. Meeting colorful rogues and scallywags and getting into all kinds of scrapes.
Robbie: Gee, I was thinking about college but this sounds better.
Charlene: Would any of those scallywags be like, cute boys?
[Fran and Pearl laugh]
Earl: See what you've done? You've corrupted them!
Pearl: Oh why don't you hush up?

Pearl: Now wouldn't that be a hoot? If I got married and settled down here. Wouldn't that put a knot in Earl's britches?
Charlene: Yep, all the more reason to do it.
Robbie: Dad's been a real jerk lately.
Baby: He's no fun. I want YOU to be my daddy.
Pearl: Oh, I know you mean that in a sweet way.
Baby: No I don't.

Earl: Oh, Charlene.
Charlene: I can't believe this. Monica was right. There is an old boys' network.
Earl: Uh, no, there isn't.
Charlene: I just saw it.
Earl: Okay, there is.
Charlene: That stinks, Daddy.
Earl: Oh, sweetie, honey, cupcake.
[Charlene slaps Earl's hand]
Earl: Ow! Look, it's a male's world out there. I don't like it any more than you do, but, hey, what you gonna do?
Charlene: There's no reason a female can't do the same work a male can.

Monster: Ah, you want to negotiate?
Robbie: Yeah.
Monster: Fine, I'll negotiate. I'll negotiate after I eat you!
[all crying]
Monster: Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Robbie: Well, at least we have a dialogue going. Ha.

Earl: You hear that? You've corrupted them. Now I want you out of my house and out of our lives.
Pearl: Oh, why don't you lighten up?
Charlene: Yeah.
Earl: Lighten up? Oh. You kids would like that, wouldn't you? You'd like it if I acted like Pearl. Sashay into town, sing a few songs, give everyone a good time. You'd all just love that.
Charlene: It'd be a big improvement.
Robbie: Yeah. We'd like you better.
Fran: Sounds exciting.
Pearl: Yeah.
Earl: Well, Pearl. I hope you're satisfied. You've successfully turned my family against me.
Charlene: Huh?
Earl: Your work here is done.
Pearl: I'm not turning anybody against you, Earl. You've done that all by yourself. Huh.
[Pearl Sinclair leaves]

Earl: [On TV as Georgie] Uh, Georgie has something special to say to all of you. You see, Georgie's not what you think.
Robbie: Dad?
Fran: Earl?
Earl: [On TV as Georgie] You see, you probably think that Georgie's just a sweet, loveable guy who likes to give everybody hugs, but... .

Robbie: Hey, birthday boy, help is on the way.
[laughs]
Robbie: Here you go, bro, a little something I made for you in shop class.
Baby: Gimme, gimme, gimme!
Robbie: Ow! I think I lost my finger.
[Baby Sinclair unwraps a present]
Fran: Oh, a toy train.
Robbie: Yeah, I worked on it all year. I even whittled little forks and spoons for the dining cart.
[laughs]
Fran: Wasn't that thoughtful?
Baby: [gets angry and smashes the toy train with a hammer] Want something from the store!
Fran: Oh!
[Baby Sinclair cries]
Robbie: Gee, that clear varnish doesn't protect like it's supposed to.
Charlene: Oh, I'm sorry.
Baby: [angrily] I'm not happy! I'm not happy! I'M NOT HAPPY!

Earl: Maybe we went a little overboard with the poison.
Charlene: A little? Your stupid spray killed all plant life!
Earl: Hey, what are you complaining about? You never liked salads anyway.
Robbie: You've destroyed the global food chain! No plants means no food at all!
Earl: Nonsense! There's a wide variety of commercial snack foods which have virtually no natural ingredients.
Fran: Earl, we can't live on Ho-Ho's!
Baby: I can!

Charlene: [after the coat insults Mindy] See, what Mindy and I thought is, uh, we'd kind of... share you.
Fox: No, no, no, here's what you have to understand, Char-lan: The whole point of a status symbol like myself is that you have me, and others don't.
Mindy: But we had a deal.
Fox: No one's talking to you, dear. Just stand there and wait for your clothes to come back in style.