100 Best Baby Sinclair Quotes

Earl: And we were gonna ask to jump out of the cake.
Fran: Terrible twos. That's an old wives' tale.
Ethyl: So what do I look like, a debutante? Think back, Fran. You've gone through this twice before. Robbie, and then Charlene.
Fran: Well, let me see. I remember making little decorative twos for the birthday cakes.................. . and then they were three years old. That's funny. I've no recollection of that entire year.
Earl: Fran, let me try. Uh, I was sneaking a taste of the icing from Robbie's second birthday cake............... . and then it was this morning. Did I miss anything, Fran?
Ethyl: Oh, jeez.
Fran: That's odd. Neither of us has any recollection of the children being two.
Ethyl: It's was so traumatic and horrible you blocked it out, and now it's gonna happen again. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Earl: [singing] Happy Birthday dear Baby Happy Birthday to you
Baby: [singing] Happy birthday to me
[the whole family laugh and electricity crackles]
Baby: [cackles]
Earl: Okay, son, time to blow out the candles.
[Baby Sinclair breathes smoke at the family]
Charlene: Baby!
Earl: [Baby Sinclair laughs]
[puts icing in his mouth and smacks his lips]
Earl: Yum. Devil's food.

Baby: Let me tell you about your job. You got a bottle! You got a baby! Juice stinks! You're fired!

Fran: You had quite an adventure, didn't you?
Baby: I did, Mama.

Earl: [singsong] Look who's home!
[Baby turns his head and glares at Earl]
Baby: [demonic voice] Not the Mama!
[Baby rotates his head back as he growls]

Baby: I want to watch TV.
Fran: No TV until after you play with your educational game.
Baby: [grumbles] Educational game stinks!

Earl: Roy borrowed my mug?
Fran: Yes, he said he wanted to impress a date.
Earl: You loaned it to Roy? He's riff raff! Oh, Mr. Richfield was right.
[Roy enters from behind; Earl doesn't notice]
Earl: Now Cap'n Willy's stranded in Roy's crummy little low-rent dump, while Roy and some sleazy cookie slobber over it and paw it with their greasy little fingers!
Baby: Hi, Uncle Roy.

Robbie: So, where's Charlene?
Baby: I told you. Monster pulled her under the bed!
Robbie: [groans] Oh, look. I'm gonna show you once and for all that there is no monster under the bed! What?
[sees a scary hole]
Robbie: Just this big scary hole leading into a cavernous netherworld.
Baby: Charlene's down there. We gotta save her!
[the monster roars]
Robbie: [cries out] Well, look, uh, just because you saw Charlene get sucked into that hole, don't necessarily mean that she's down there.
Charlene: Robbie! Help! Help me, Robbie! Can you hear me?
Robbie: Bummer.

Earl: I discover a whole new world and nobody even cares!
Baby: Yaaaaayyy!
Earl: There, you see? He knows how to show me some respect.
Baby: Mama discovered new world!
Earl: No, not Mama, Daddy, Daddy discovered new world.
Baby: What did Mama do?
Earl: Nothing.
Baby: Nothing, yaaaayyy! Mama did nothing! Mama did nothing! Ha ha ha!

Robbie: Hey, birthday boy, help is on the way.
[laughs]
Robbie: Here you go, bro, a little something I made for you in shop class.
Baby: Gimme, gimme, gimme!
Robbie: Ow! I think I lost my finger.
[Baby Sinclair unwraps a present]
Fran: Oh, a toy train.
Robbie: Yeah, I worked on it all year. I even whittled little forks and spoons for the dining cart.
[laughs]
Fran: Wasn't that thoughtful?
Baby: [gets angry and smashes the toy train with a hammer] Want something from the store!
Fran: Oh!
[Baby Sinclair cries]
Robbie: Gee, that clear varnish doesn't protect like it's supposed to.
Charlene: Oh, I'm sorry.
Baby: [angrily] I'm not happy! I'm not happy! I'M NOT HAPPY!

Baby: I want to watch the movie, I'm a bi-i-i-ig boy!
Fran: Of course you are. You want your snuggle bear?
Baby: Yes.

Baby: This is your Brain.
[Raises frying pan]
Baby: This is your brain on the plant.
[Hits Earl over head with frying pan]
Baby: Any questions?

Charlene: [Ethyl's unconscious] Grandma, can you say something?
Robbie: Hey look, look, I think she's coming around.
Earl: No no no no no, no the hole's already dug, let's get on with it.
Ethyl: Not so fast fat boy.
[takes Earl's shovel and hits him in the face with it]
Earl: [groans] I knew I should've had her cremated.
[falls down unconscious]
Ethyl: .Where am I?
Robbie: Grandma, we brought you home from the station. We were worried.
Charlene: Yeah, we better call your producer, I mean he thought you were dead.
Ethyl: Let him think whatever he wants, I'm not going back.
Fran: But why, Mom? I thought you loved talking about the afterlife.
Ethyl: I do, Fran, but if I'm ever gonna go back, I can't just sit around watching the grass grow. What I'm going to do is enjoy life and love each and every one of you... starting tomorrow.
Fran: Why not today?
Ethyl: Because today, there's a perfectly good hole in the backyard and we're gonna bury fat boy in it.
Earl: [comes around] What?
[Ethyl hits him with the shovel again and he's knocked unconscious]
Baby: Again!
[hits his toy dinosaur on the head with a toy shovel and laughs]

Fran: Earl Sneed Sinclair!
Earl: Oops.
Fran: I thought I told you to turn off that TV.
Baby: Smoo!
Earl: Oh! Fran, how did I know this was gonna be on? You never know what these network guys are gonna do.
Fran: That's right. So until we're sure it's safe, this TV stays off.
[groans and turns off the TV]
Fran: You'll just have to spend some more quality time with your child.

Baby: [angrily] I wanna go to Swamp Cabin! Swamp Cabin! Swamp Cabin! Swamp Cabin! Swamp Cabin!

Baby: [On TV] This pan is pretty good.

Baby: Brother! Sister! I'm all alone!
Baby: [He turns to the audience, his eyes widen] Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Fran: [They are driving to the doctor's office] How about a cupcake?
Baby: Ooh, cupcake.
Earl: [driving] You're giving a kid a cupcake in a new car? What are you thinking about?
Fran: Him. He gets a little nervous whenever I take him to the pediatrician so I'm trying to make the whole experience a little more positive. It's called parenting, Earl.
Earl: Oh, please. I've been parenting for 15 years, nobody has to tell me how to be a good dad.
[to Baby]
Earl: You get one crumb on that seat, and you're crawling home, buster.

Neighbor: You Sinclair kids come over here at the middle of the night on the 31st of October and expect me to give you candy? GET LOST.
Robbie: Hmm, next time maybe we should wear costumes.
Robbie: Naw.

Narrator: ...Ethyl's seemingly dead body was being buried by simple-minded son-in-law Earl, and his dim-witted friend Ray.
Roy: Hey! That's an ourage! They got my name wrong.
Earl: That is supposed to be me? That doesn't even look anything like me!
Baby: Not the mama!
Earl: And why are we watching this show anyway? I wanna watch the puppet show on the other channel.
Fran: That's a kid's show.
Earl: Not so. They do some very sophisticated juxtapositions of reality.
Fran: It'll last a year.

Grandma: It's the baby!
Baby: It's the Grandma.
[Earl enters]
Baby: Uh oh.
Earl: [dryly] Hello Mother Phillips.
Grandma: Hello fat boy!

Baby: Gimme dessert! I want a million cookies now!

Baby: [squirming in his high chair] My diaper's itching. I think I'll... take it off.
Earl: [looking up from his parent's manual] Don't you dare!

Baby: What's justice?
Chief: Well, justice is a system of laws, and rules that dinosaurs have formulated to live by.
Baby: Why?
Chief: What?
Elder: He's doing it again.
[the chief elder groans furiously]

Baby: [as he is introduced to Earl] Hi! I'm the baby! Brand new, just out, gotta love me! Come on, gotta love me!

Thighs: Please, forgive me, many eggs hatch since I last speak to another of my kind.
Robbie: You're a dinosaur!
Thighs: Yes. I am called Wahachi Muchacha, it means Thighs of Thunder. They ask me speak with you now, how are you called?
Robbie: I'm Robbie Sinclair, Robbie.
Baby: I'm the Baby, uh, gotta love me?
Thighs: Cute.

Baby: Gimme cake! Ice CREEEEEEAM!

Earl: Fran, I'm home, I'm hungry and I hate everything.
Baby: Not the mama!
Earl: Ah neither are you!

Baby: [to Wendy] You have a bad reputation.

Ethyl: [wrapping up If You Were a Tree] Good story, eh?
Baby: Stupid!
Ethyl: Why do you say that?
Baby: The tree pusher, he didn't learn anything, stupid!
Ethyl: But did YOU learn something?
Baby: [realization] ... Yeah.

Robbie: These are my schoolbooks.
Charlene: [gasps] My diary!
Earl: Oh, come on now. We all have to make sacrifices if we want to remain a Fernhill family.
Fran: Ugh, that mug! That awful mug is the root of this whole mess. You're lucky you put in that security system or else I'd walk in there right now and smash it to pieces!
Earl: Fran! that mug, as you call it, has made us happier than we've ever been! If you weren't so angry you'd see that! Fran! Fran!
Baby: Bad mug.

Baby: [angrily] I want to watch TV!
Babysitter: What time is the child's bedtime?
Fran: Eight o'clock.
Babysitter: It is too late to watch television. It is your bedtime.
Baby: [angrily] No! Don't want to go to sleep! Don't wanna, don't wanna, don't wanna!
Babysitter: You will sleep, for I will read from the bedtime book.
Baby: [angrily] Not that book! Not that book!

Baby: I'm gonna bite you now.
[bites Earl on the head]

Baby: [alone in the dark] Mr. Squash, is that you? Better come out, or, or I'll bite you. Mr. Squash?
[sees movement under his bed]
Baby: MAMA!

Baby: I've got a present.
Francois: [curiously] Oh, I where would I find it?
Baby: In my diaper.
Francois: [furiously] Ugh! You are disgusting! Ha!
Baby: Shut up!
Francois: Awk!
Baby: Shut up!
Francois: Awk!
Baby: Shut up!!
Francois: Awk!
Baby: Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!
[Baby and Francois scream at each other in argument]

Baby: Robbie. Um, tell me a story.
Robbie: Life stinks, The End.

[repeated line]
Baby: I'm the baby; gotta love me!

Earl: Hey, kids. Is it off? Did they take it off yet?
TV: The Smoo Show, now on seven nights a week.
[Earl Sinclair moans]
Robbie: Nice day's work, Dad.
Charlene: Yeah.
Earl: Thanks, Mr. Negative. I'll have you know we were out planting the seeds of change. You just wait. Those seeds are gonna bear fruit.
TV: Then, from the producers of The Smoo Show, it's The Flark Show followed by Kiss My Glick.
Robbie: Who can say, Dad? It's probably just a coincidence.
Charlene: Yeah, you got them on the run. A couple more protest raillies, they'll make it into a mini-series.
Earl: Ha, ha, ha. You have anything to say?
Baby: Flark, bad. Glick, bad.
Earl: There, see? My message got through.
Baby: Smoo? That's funny!
[laughs]
Earl: Oh, this is so discouraging. TV has become the cesspool of vulgarity.
Fran: Then why don't you just turn it off?
Earl: Because, I shouldn't have to turn off my TV set, ever! I worked my whole life, I raised my family. I wanna be able to park them in front of the TV, and I know they're gonna watch good, clean, time-consuming, energy-sapping entertainment. So by the time I get home, they can barley wave hello.
Fran: Well, obviously, the TV network dosen't care how you feel.
Earl: Then I'm gonna have to go over their heads.
[Earl Sinclair leaves]

Fran: Are you all right, sweetheart?
Baby: No, I broke my monster bat.
Fran: Aww.
Baby: I'm scared again. Don't leave me.
Fran: Don't worry, sweetheart. I'm not going anywhere.

Baby: You're a big smoo!
[all gasp in shock]
Fran: Well, we'll just be going.
B.P. Richfield: No, no, no. A big what?
Earl: A big shoe. Yeah, yeah. Shoes are his favourite... uh, foot covering. It's the ultimate compliment, really.
Baby: Not shoe, smoo! A big, fat smooey smoo!
[laughs and B.P. Richfield groans and strains]
Earl: Not much you can do with that one.
Fran: I'm so sorry, Mr. Richfield. It's something he heard on television last night.

Monster: Ah, you want to negotiate?
Robbie: Yeah.
Monster: Fine, I'll negotiate. I'll negotiate after I eat you!
[all crying]
Monster: Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Robbie: Well, at least we have a dialogue going. Ha.

Earl: I'll let you know a little secret. If you take off the mask and cape and the funny costume, sometimes you find a real hero underneath.
Baby: ...Looks like you.
Earl: That's the point. You see daddies are heroes too, and mommies. We may not have heat vision but we go to back breaking, mind numbing jobs, so you can grow up comfortably and have some nice things in your life. It may not be flashy, but it's real.

[repeated line]
Baby: Not the mama!

Baby: [watching TV with Earl] Ha ha ha ha ha! Puppets! Ha ha ha ha!
Purple: To which Lord Bellington replied "Madam, that is not my wife, that is the arch-bishop."
Green: Toh! That would explain his reluctance to dance with me! Yes, yes...
Purple: That, and his dreadful taste in hats!
[both laugh]
Earl: [laughs] Hey, hey, Frannie - you gotta see this puppet show. It's terrific!
Baby: Uh-huh!
Fran: Earl, that's for kids.
Earl: Yeah, you'd think that because they're puppets - so the show seems to have a children's asthetic.
[turns to camera]
Earl: Yet the dialouge is unquestionably sharp-edged, witty and thematically skewed to adults.
Purple: Here comes our neighbor, Mr. Argyle.
Green: Dah!
Mr. Argyle: Ah! Good day to you, lassie and laddie! And where is that athletic son of yours?
Purple: Well he's...
Son: Hello, Mummy and Daddy!
Purple: He's here.
Son: Look who I brought home for dinner!
[two decorated female sock puppets come in]
Purple: Oh! Don't you bring that pair of hos into this house!
[they gasp]
Earl: [laughs] I'm telling you Fran, this show works on two levels!
Fran: [questioning and incredulous] They look like puppets. I'm not watching.

Fran: [after showing Baby the video entitled "Solo Wilderness Ritual"] So, did you understand the tape?
Baby: Yeah, gimme a cookie!
Fran: But we are all out of cookies.
Baby: Go to the store!
Fran: NO, and that is why you need to be left out in the woods so you can learn that the world does NOT revolve around *you*!
Baby: Mama's not going to the store?
Fran: Nope.
Baby: Ah, I understand...
[slight pause]
Baby: Daddy, go to the store!

Officer: [the police officers kick in the door] Ha! You! You're under arrest!
[all gasp]
Earl: What for?
Officer: Copyright infringement. You messed with the wrong hippo, pal.
Earl: Wait, wait...
Officer: That's right.
[indistinct shouting]
Officer: Don't make this any harder on yourself.
[the police officers arrest Earl]
Baby: Hey, don't touch him! That's Georgie!

Pearl: I wish he wasn't so mad at me.
Baby: Get him a toy!
Pearl: Oh, I think it'll take more than that, sugar.
Baby: More than a toy? Wow.

Earl: You think I'm not gonna come after you? You're playing with fire here, you're playing with fire!
Baby: No, I'm playing with fire.
[sticks his tail in the fire, Earl rushes over and pulls him away from the stove]
Baby: Daddy!
Earl: What?
Baby: [points to his flaming tail] Hot!
[Earl rushes to the sink]
Baby: Where we going?
[Earl soaks his tail in the water]
Baby: Ahhhhh, again!

Baby: Yoo-hoo, table monster.

Baby: You sure you know what you're doing?
Earl: Haven't a clue.

Mr. Myman: [opens the brief case] And here it is! Our research boys just came up with it, The P-2000. The dawn of a new pan age.
[Earl groans]
Mr. Myman: Go ahead, little fella, give it a whack.
Earl: Get the ice pack, Fran.
Baby: Come on. Closer.
[Earl whimpers]
Baby: Not... the... mama!
[Baby hits Earl with the P-2000]
Fran: [Earl falls down] I can't believe it! It didn't break!
Baby: This pan is pretty good.

Fran: It's too loud!
[turns off the TV]
Fran: And I don't like the values they portray.
Robbie: Mom, you're overreacting.
Baby: Beer! Cigarettes! Chicks!
Robbie: He could've heard that anywhere.
Earl: [arrives] Where is he? Where is he? Ah, there's the birthday boy! Tomorrow's the big day! Yay.
Baby: [chuckles] Yay! Presents! Presents!
Earl: Hey! You betcha! Presents, hats, streamers, the works for your first birthday. Even a pony!
Baby: Pony?
Earl: That's right! A big, juicy one, grilled to perfection.

Baby: Tell me a story or no one sleeps!
Earl: Okay.
[sighs]

Baby: Not the mama!
Earl: I should've seen that coming.

Baby: [both laughing] Piggyback, horsey! Piggyback!
Gus: I love this kid. He cracks me up. Am I crazy or what?
[Baby Sinclair chuckles and hits Gus Molehill with a boiling pot]
Gus: Ooh!
[Gus Molehill mumbles]
Gus: Again!
[both laughing]

Earl: Maybe we went a little overboard with the poison.
Charlene: A little? Your stupid spray killed all plant life!
Earl: Hey, what are you complaining about? You never liked salads anyway.
Robbie: You've destroyed the global food chain! No plants means no food at all!
Earl: Nonsense! There's a wide variety of commercial snack foods which have virtually no natural ingredients.
Fran: Earl, we can't live on Ho-Ho's!
Baby: I can!

Baby: You got spit up?
Earl: Yep.
Baby: You got spit up too?
Robbie: Yeah.
Baby: Did you bring me a present?

Earl: [the Baby's reaching for the remote] Don't you touch that remote.
[Baby grabs it]
Earl: Don't you pick it up.
[Baby picks it up]
Earl: You turn off that television, and you're gonna be one sorry little dinosaur.
Baby: [turns off TV and pops up] I'm sorry.
Earl: Give that back.
Baby: Story.
Earl: No story.
Baby: Story.
Earl: No story.
Baby: Story.
Earl: No story, gimme that back.
[Baby hits Earl with the remote]
Earl: Once upon a time, dinosaurs didn't have families. They lived in the woods, and ate their children, and it was a golden age.

Robbie: That's what I was about to tel you, Warner gave all the songs to Perry Llewellyn, he ripped us off.
Sonny: You mean he ripped *us* off. Oh Pop, you were right, you can't get a fair shake from the Lizard. I'm never leaving the swamp again.
Howlin': Hush up, I want to hear this.
TV: Order your copy of Swamp Music today, due to excessive demand, estimated delivery is 6-8 weeks.
Howlin': That guy's making a fortune with our music.
Sonny: Yeah, we got shafted!
Howlin': I know that, but you're missing the big picture. If he can get famous doing *that* to our music, just think what we could do by giving folks the real thing.
Sonny: But you *can't* trust the Lizard, Pop.
Howlin': Oh hush up about the Lizard. I spent my life moaning about what the Lizard done to me, and now I'm starting to hear the same things coming out of your mouth, and I don't like it.
Sonny: But how're we gonna release our music? The Lizard will never give us a break.
Howlin': Then we make our own breaks. There's no reason we can't cut our own records, and release them ourselves, a mammal owned record company!

Baby: [Gus Molehill and Fran Sinclair grunt] Ah! Make a wish.
Fran: Earl, help me!
Earl: With you in a minute!
Glenda: Let go of my boy!
Aubrey: My arms have a tendency to dislocate!

Robbie: Gee, Dad, I thought you loved the dome. You said it was going to make us rich.
Earl: Yeah well now it's going to make us need plastic surgery and a relocation program.
Robbie: You can't possibly believe that.
Baby: [wearing a disguise] Not the baby!

Earl: Who do you love?
Baby: Mama.
Earl: Who do you love second best?
Baby: Mama.
Earl: Alright, let's try this again. Who is talking to you right now?
Baby: Not the mama!

Baby: This is great!
[laughs]
Solomon: I am truly moved by your selflessness and love for this child. But too late!
[cuts the baby in half]
Fran: No!
[Aubrey's parents gasp in shock]
Baby: Again!
[laughs]
Earl: [Solomon the Great brings their half of a child] Oh!
Solomon: There.
Earl: Oh, don't look at me like that. I'm so, so sorry, little feet. I promise I'll make it up to you. I know we can't play baseball, but I can teach you soccer.
Baby: [kicks Earl Sinclair in the face] Not the mama!
[laughs]

Baby: I'm alone in here.

Blarney: [singing with kids named Jeff and Tim] Okay here we go. I am Blarney I love you. E-I-E-I-O. And if you're nice you'll love me, too. E-I-E-I-O.
Robbie: Well, it does seem to have quiet him down a little.
Blarney: [still singing] With a love love here, and a love love there, here a love there a love, everywhere a love love.
Fran: It's interesting, he strikes a chord with children. Something about Blarney inlooses the purest feelings of warmth and affection.
Baby: [with a baby bottle on his slingshot] EAT GLASS, BLARNEY!
Blarney: [Launches the bottle at the TV] AAAAAHHHH!
Baby: [TV blows up and Fran and Robbie were shocked in surprise] DIE SUM, DIE!
Robbie: [as Baby cackles] Well, I gotta say, I'm with him.
Fran: That does it! I am fed up with your bad behavior, you are going to your room!
Baby: NO, I WANT PRESENTS!
Fran: You are going to your room, there will be no more presents.
Earl: It's present time!

Baby: [hits his daddy with a frying pan] Not la mere! Not la mere!

Charlene: I think you're just trying to get attention.
Baby: No, no, no, no! Please?
Charlene: Okay, I'll check.
Baby: Oh, good. Be careful!
Charlene: Are you under here, Mr. Monster?
[scared moaning]
Charlene: No? No monsters here.
Baby: [both yelling] Charlene!
[a monster sucks Charlene in the hole]
Baby: Charlene! No! ROBBIE!

Baby: Wait a minute! Lightning struck twice in the same place?

Baby: I got leeches. Can I keep them?
Fran: No, hon, those are for dinner.

Solomon: Then, in my divine wisdom, there is only one equitable solution. To divide the child in two.
[thunderclap]
Baby: Huh?
Fran: Earl, we can't let him do this!
Solomon: Silence! Do not question the wisdom of Solomon The Great. My powers are beyond the comprehension of mere mortals. And now I shall perform the miracle of divine justice with the help of my assistant Ramona!
[Ramona appears and Baby's parents and Aubrey's parents exclaim]
Earl: Oh!
Gus: Hey! Yes! Good!
[Baby Sinclair exclaims]
Gus: Hey, nice, nice!
Solomon: Ha!
Earl: Nice box.
[applause]
Solomon: Mr. Sinclair, if you would, bring me the pink baby.
Earl: Oh, yeah.
[Baby Sinclair laughs and Earl Sinclair brings Solomon The Great the pink baby]
Solomon: Now, place the child completely in the box, head there, feet here.
Earl: Head there, feet there. Oh! Oh! Watch your nose.
Solomon: Now, Mr. Sinclair, we've never met before. Is that correct, sir?
Earl: Yes, that is correct, sir.
Solomon: And no money has changed hands between us?
Earl: None whatsoever.
Solomon: Well, then how do I have your wallet? Ha-ha!
Earl: Whoa! Hey! That's wonderful!
Baby: Yay! Yay!
Solomon: Mr. Sinclair, as you can see, this is an ordinary box.
Baby: Careful! Careful!
Solomon: There are no hidden panels. No secret compartments. Just a simple, wooden box.
Earl: Yes, it looks okay to me.
Solomon: You may step back now. Thank you. Now, how about a hand for Mr. Sinclair?
Earl: Oh, thank you, thank you.
[applause]
Solomon: And thank you.

[repeated line]
Baby: Again!

Police: Everyone ready?
Decker: Yep.
Police: Count of three. One...
Robbie: No, no!
Police: ...two...
Howard: And we'll be right back after a few words from the makers of Happy Fluff candy.

Baby: Then what happened?
Earl: I went to work.
Baby: Why?
Earl: Because your mother makes me.
Baby: Am I at work?
Earl: No.
Baby: Am I at work?
Earl: No.
Baby: Am I at work?
Earl: Yes, yes.
Baby: No, I'm not.

Earl: Nobody talk about... you know what.
Baby: What can't we talk about?
Earl: Nobody tell him.
Baby: Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!
Earl: [sighs] Okay... nobody can talk about... spoons.

Robbie: You think you're funny, don't you?
Baby: I'm a scream!
[laughs]

Pearl: Now wouldn't that be a hoot? If I got married and settled down here. Wouldn't that put a knot in Earl's britches?
Charlene: Yep, all the more reason to do it.
Robbie: Dad's been a real jerk lately.
Baby: He's no fun. I want YOU to be my daddy.
Pearl: Oh, I know you mean that in a sweet way.
Baby: No I don't.

Earl: I'm sorry I ruined your first Refrigerator Day. Go ahead, Junior. Bang my head real hard with this pot.
Baby: That's gettin' old.

Baby: [laughs] I wanna explode.
[grunts]
Monica: Honey, you're not going to explode.
Baby: [strains] Wanna bet?
[grunts]
Baby: Whoops! Need a diaper, aisle four.
Charlene: [arrives] Hi, everyone.
Fran: Hi, sweetheart. How's the job hunt going?
Charlene: Terrible. There's nothing out there for females.
Fran: Now don't get discouraged. If you keep plugging away I'm sure you'll find something just wonderful.
Monica: That's right, Charlene. I hear they're hiring now in your mom's imagination.
Fran: What's that supposed to mean?
Monica: She dosen't have a chance. Haven't you ever heard of the old boys' network?
Charlene: No. What's that?
Monica: It's a bunch of old guys who all went to the same school and belonged to the same clubs. And they all get together and smoke cigars and do everything they can to keep females from getting ahead.
Fran: Oh, that's just a myth.

Baby: [straining] Gotta go.
Earl: No, no.
Elder: And from his mouth shall ring out only the purest truth.
Baby: Gotta go.
Earl: Junior, hold it in.
Elder: Behold the king of the dinosaurs. Behold his brow is knit with wisdom.
Earl: Hey, are you guys serious?
Elder: Behold! He is about to speak!
Baby: I made a big poop.

Baby: [after hatching] Whoa, I'm on the floor. Whuh-oh, lots of feet; can't get up.

Fran: What on earth are you doing?
Earl: [angrily] Morning, noon and night it's Georgie, Georgie, Georgie! Georgie on the farm, Georgie at the zoo, Georgie at the beach!
Baby: That's my favourite!
Earl: [angrily] Oh, yeah? Well, this is my favourite. Georgie in a million pieces!
[growls angrily]
Fran: Oh!
Earl: [grunts] Die!
[growls and destroys the tape]
Earl: Die, die, die!
[Baby Sinclair wails]
Fran: That was horrible! Look how you've upset him.
Baby: I miss Georgie! I want Georgie!

[after hearing a swear word on TV]
Fran: I will not have that kind of gutter language in this house!
Baby: Smoo!
[the whole family gasp in shock]
Baby: What'd I say?

Baby: Something's funny.
Fran: Nothing's funny!
[turns off the TV]
Fran: Nothing's funny at all!
Charlene: But Mom, they said a dirty word on TV.

Fran: The great judge.
Robbie: Yeah. He could settle this once and for all.
Gus: He's the wisest dinosaur of them all.
Aubrey: Capital idea.
Baby: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mr. Myman: [trying to keep Fran and Baby in showbusiness] You could have your own show, talk about anything you want, cooking, household cleaning... how you raise everybody's favorite baby.
Baby: Mama?
Fran: Hmm?
Baby: WHERE'S MY LIMO?
Fran: [to Mr. Myman] You want to know how I'm going to raise my baby? Well it is NOT going to be on some movie lot surrounded by a bunch of manipulative, two faced cellular phonies. He's going to be raised here by a family that loves him and knows what's best for him.
Mr. Myman: I see,
[to Baby]
Mr. Myman: Your mama's trying to flush your career down the toilet. We're not going to let her get away with that, are we?
Baby: [looks at Fran and back to Myman] Yes!
[hits Myman with a frying pan]

Baby: [hitting Earl with a bottle] Not the mama, not the mama, not the mama.
Earl: I really wish you'd grow out of this.

Earl: [Baby is straining] And what would you be doing?
Baby: ...nothing.
Earl: You're gonna make a poop, aren't you?
Baby: ...maybe...
[continues straining]
Robbie: He's goin'.
Charlene: Definitely.
Earl: Are you going or not?
Baby: [strains than sighs relieved] Not anymore.
Earl: Alright, that's it! We're going back up to the bathroom and we're not coming out until one of us is potty trained!

Baby: [in the house] It's not my bath time. What's going on?
Fran: We'll just see if we can't wash those dirty words out of your mouth with a little soap.
Baby: [mumbling] I don't like this.
[Fran Sinclair takes the soap out of Baby Sinclair's mouth]
Fran: Now. Any dirty words left in there?
[Baby Sinclair blows a bubble]
Baby: [bubble pops] Smoo!
[laughs]
Robbie: Good work, Mom. I'm sure we've all learned a valuable lesson.
[Baby Sinclair hiccups]
Baby: [bubble pops] Smoo!
Fran: Oh!
[Baby Sinclair chuckles and door opens]
Fran: [Earl Sinclair groans] Hi, honey. Are you all right?
[Earl Sinclair grumbles]
Robbie: Hey, Dad, some jerk put a sign on your back.
Earl: It was Mr. Richfield. And I think you kids called him enough names for one day.
Robbie: You're home now. Don't you think you can take it off?
Earl: I would, but it's covering an unsightly wound.
[Earl Sinclair groans]
Robbie: Oh.

Fran: It's right here in the newspaper. Georgie's making a personal appearance at the mall today.
Earl: What?
Baby: What?
Earl: [looks at the newspaper] Let me see that.
Baby: [singing] Wanna see Georgie, Wanna see Georgie, Wanna see Georgie!

Earl: Mr. Toilet's a friend, and the best way to treat a new friend is to sit on them and give them a big present.
Baby: That's disgusting!
Earl: That may be, but you're gonna do it anyway.

Baby: [sees a leg buffer on TV for silky smooth legs] I want that!
Fran: No you don't!
Baby: Want silky smooth legs!
Fran: You don't want smooth legs, you're a boy.
Baby: Oh... then I want a machine gun!

Baby: Whoa, I'm naked. Who's the mama? Where's the mama?

Baby: Daddy!
Earl: What?
Baby: Play a game?
Earl: Okay.
Baby: Goody!
Earl: Let's play, Where's Daddy.

Baby: I said something. Was it... .Smoo?
Fran: We don't say that word.
Baby: Why?
Grandma: Because it's a bad word.
Baby: Why?
Grandma: Because it's dirty.
Baby: Why?
Grandma: Ask your mother.
Baby: Why?
Fran: Uh... .it means... .well, it means... . it means the bottom of a dinosaur's feet. And feet touch the ground and get dirty so... . it's a dirty word and nice dinosaurs don't say it.
Baby: Why?
Fran: Because it's not nice. And it certainly doesn't belong on TV.
[both chuckling]
Earl: Oh, Fran, lighten up. You think dinosaurs have so little going on in their lives, that they'd really care about one little word some guy says on TV?

Baby: [watching Baby Cuddlebunny] Not the pajamas, not the pajamas.
Grandma: It's amazing the way a phrase like that can catch on.

Zabar: Behold! The child is cured.
Fran: Look! The spots, they're gone. He's back to normal.
Earl: Wait. I'll be the judge of that. Do you happen to have a frying pan on you?
Zabar: I do.
Fran: Oh.
Earl: Wow. Thanks. Here, son.
[gives the frying pan to Baby Sinclair]
Earl: Now, are you all right? Do you know who I am?
[Baby Sinclair hits Earl Sinclair with a frying pan]
Earl: Ow!
Baby: Not the mama!
[all laughing]
Fran: It's so good to have our little boy back, isn't it, Earl?
Earl: It sure is. And I guess I owe a big debt of gratitude to you, Fran, for not losing hope. And to Zabar there for saving the kid's life.
Zabar: Don't mention it.
Earl: And... ..that's it.

[Baby Sinclair pretends he's snoring]
Fran: I don't believe you.
Baby: I don't blame you.

Baby: I wanna go to school.
Charlene: Why?
Baby: So I can stay home.
Charlene: You are home.
Baby: Then I got my way.

Baby: Yeah.
Charlene: Huh? Yeah?
Baby: Let's play, Fetch Snooky.
Charlene: Oh, okay. Um, how do we play?
Baby: This is Snooky.
Charlene: Oh.
Baby: [throws Snooky on the floor] Fetch him!

TV: The Friendly Bunny will not be seen tonight so that we may bring you the following brand new program quickly thrown together in a shameless grab for ratings.
Earl: Oh this should be good.
TV: It's the Smoo Show!
Baby: *Smoo*!

Fran: [the guys are watching a movie about a killer squash monster] I don't want Baby staying up watching these scary movies, he'll have nightmares.
Baby: I'm not scared of vegetables!