Top 30 Quotes From Susan Cooper

Susan: Well, here's to your mom.
Rayna: To my mother. And to you.
Susan: And here's to you. I mean you may never be as wise as an owl but you'll always be a hoot to me! Haha.
Rayna: What a stupid fucking retarded toast. You're delightful.
Susan: As are you.
[they clink their glasses]

Anton: You're both named Amber?
Susan: Whoa, what did I tell you about talking to me?
Anton: Nothing. You said nothing about talking.
Susan: [holds up her fists] You want me to have Cagney and fucking Lacey explain it to you? Cagney's coming down your fucking throat. Lacey, she's gonna come up your ass. I'm gonna meet them in the fucking middle and play your heart like a *fucking* accordion. I'm gonna pump that shit until it pops, you Swedish bitch!
Anton: You wouldn't dare!
Susan: You gonna cry, you little Swiss fucking pussy?
Anton: I'm not gonna cry.
Susan: You're crying now!
Anton: [voice cracks] I'm not! It's so fucking hot.

Bradley: [has gun pointed at Tihomir] Tell me where the bomb is. Ten seconds or you're dead.
Tihomir: Interesting. You see, when my men and I hid it, I made sure to erase any witnesses. And then I erased the erasers. Which means, I'm now the only one who knows just where that dangerously compact and transportable nuke is. So... I'd say I have more than ten seconds.
Bradley: Well then in that case, I'd say you'd better st-
[sneezes and accidentally shoots Tihomir in the head]
Bradley: Oh, fuck...
Susan: [on earpiece] Oh my God, why did you do that?
Bradley: I didn't do it on purpose; there's like a ton of pollen in here!

Susan: My real name is... Amber Valentine.
Rayna: What are you, a porn star?

Susan: I look like someone's homophobic aunt!

Susan: Nice copter! Where'd you get it?
Nancy B. Artingstall: It's 50 Cent's! I had to deputize him to let us use it. He is so afraid of me!
Curtis: I'm a motherfucking spy. Let's go shoot somebody else!
Nancy B. Artingstall: Simmer down, 50 Cent or I'll mount you again!
Curtis: This day is just getting better and better!
Nancy B. Artingstall: He wants me!

Patrick: [Shows Susan a bottle of Stool Softener pills] If you ever feel like you have been poisoned, chew one of these.
Susan: Have I done something to you to upset you?

Susan: Oh my God, Rayna. Thank God your hair broke your fall.

Susan: [commenting on Rick's clumsy rescue entrance] He means well.

Rick: We have to stop the sale of a nuclear bomb. They send in someone who looks like Santa Claus' fucking wife!
Susan: Uh, did you forget? I am undercover because you are not supposed to be here!
Rick: Well I make a habit out of doing things that people say I can't do: Walk through fire, waterski blindfolded, take up piano at a late age.

Susan: I need you to untie me now.
[Aldo motions to untie her]
Susan: That's my ass!
Aldo: It is very difficult to see or gauge my position.
Susan: You're just simply grabbing my ass.
Aldo: Oh, I am sorry.

Rick: You're going to ruin this mission.
Susan: No, *you're* going to ruin this mission.
Rick: No, you are.
Susan: No, you're going to!
Rick: You... times infinity!

Nancy B. Artingstall: Do you know what? You play it too safe.
Susan: Oh maybe you're right. I just... I still, you know, hear my mom's voice... "well-behaved women often make history."
Nancy B. Artingstall: Yes you do know the phrase is, "well-behaved women *seldom* make history."
Susan: Yeah that's never how she said it.
Nancy B. Artingstall: What were her others, uh...
Susan: Oh, "just blend in, let somebody else win."
Nancy B. Artingstall: Classic.
Susan: I got that a lot in high school. And there was, "give up on your dreams, Susan." She used to write that in my lunchbox.

Susan: [referring to Anton] Does he not look like a bag o' dicks?

Susan: I'm taking that fucking coat!

Susan: I pulled up my file.
[puts file near the keyboard]
Elaine: Jesus, not my keyboard with your pinkeye infected fingers! Why don't you just cry directly into my mouth while you're at it?

Rayna: Whatever, fuck you.
Susan: I knew you liked me!
Susan: Hey! Fuck you too.

Susan: Aw, come on!
Aldo: You, in this outfit... Magnifico!
[Susan slams door shut on Aldo]

Rayna: My father used to bring people like you here.
Susan: Did he also make you dress like a slutty dolphin trainer?

Susan: So, you need me De Luca, and I'm not gonna help you unless you keep Fine alive.
Sergio: Now, let me get this straight, you work for the CIA, yet your're willing to help me sell a nuclear bomb in order to save this man's life. Why would I believe that?
Rayna: Because she's in love with him.
Susan: Yeah, so what? This idiot doesn't even know it. Too dumb to know I'd do anything for him.

[last lines]
Susan: [wakes up next to Ford] Aaaaah!
Rick: Oh, stop screaming, you loved it!
[hugs her]
Susan: Ugh, God.

Bradley: [Points at Aldo] Is he dangerous?
Susan: Only if you have boobs.

Susan: [having stabbed her opponent] Oh, that's clean through.
Lia: Thanks for your weapon.
Susan: Well, you know, it's been inside you, so I don't think it should go inside me...

[Susan orders drones to blow up enemies and allows Fine to escape]
Bradley: Haha, close one! Nice drone work, Coop. I could kiss you!
Susan: Oh, haha, well I would accept that with an open mouth.

Susan: Get your hands off my boobs!
Rick: I'm saving you!
Susan: You motherfucker, I'm gonna report you to HR!

Rick: [holding onto Susan's legs, the two of them dangling from the landing skid of DeLuca's helicopter] I can't get a grip. Your pants are too slippery! You should've worn coarser pants!
Susan: Oh, I'm sorry I didn't wear my fucking sandpaper pants!

Susan: And by the way, I can see your gun, unless you're SO extreme that you have a second dick coming out of your hip!

Susan: How long was I out?
Rayna: You fainted just long enough for us to laugh at you.
Susan: What happened?
Rayna: It was all a dream... I'm just kidding. A man's throat dissolved.

Susan: Where'd you get a suit?
Rick: I fucking made it, didn't I?

Susan: And fuck you for saying I look anything like that fucking beast... No wonder your dad never had the son he wanted; you fuck that monster once, and you just drop the fucking mic and walk out.