150 Best Suzanne Somers Quotes

Janet: [Jack's tempting Chrissy with her favourite food] Chrissy, be strong. Do you want a glass of water?
Chrissy: I'd rather have a glass of chicken!

Jack: [spoiled patient] Oh, Chrissy, you're a regular Florence Nightingale!
Chrissy: Aw, I don't sing that well.

Chrissy: I once had a date with a basketball player.
Jack: Oh, how was he?
Chrissy: So-so.
Jack: Wasn't he good company?
Chrissy: I don't know. He was so tall, everything he said went right over my head.

Jack: Are you sure it was a mouse?
Janet: Oh, yes, Jack, it squeaked!
Chrissy: Well, don't just stand there, Jack, go oil it!
[snorts with laughter]

Chrissy: Does anybody really know where anybody lives?

Jack: [re Mrs. Roper] Well, did she say when she was coming back?
Chrissy: Uh-huh. When pigs grow wings.
Chrissy: That could take weeks.

Jack: [in bed after falling down the stairs] I wonder if I'll still be able to have children?
Chrissy: Sure. You ought to wait until your leg heals, though.

Janet: Chrissy, your dad is a minister, what does he usually say to couples in trouble?
Chrissy: He tells them to keep the baby.

Chrissy: Jack, that smells good.
Jack: Chrissy, I haven't even started cooking yet.
Chrissy: Well, you better hurry up and start cooking so you can catch up with the smell.

Dana: Mom, can I borrow the car?
Carol: Sorry honey, I need it today.
Dana: For what?
Carol: Oh nothing much, I just have to pick up the cleaning, go to the post office, take Al to soccer practice, Brendan to Little League, go to the bank, the hardware store, the shoe repair and the drugstore. You know, just a joyriding kind of day.

[last lines]
Janet: We practically called Chrissy a thief, and she's not even mad at us. You know, you're so understanding.
Chrissy: Yeah. Well, I'll tell you why.
Janet: Why?
Chrissy: Well, one day when I was in the fourth grade I sat down and there was a tack in my chair.
Jack: I don't see your point.
Chrissy: I didn't neither.
[laughs]
Chrissy: To get even, after school, I pushed Tommy Dallas into a mud puddle.
Janet: Oh, because he was the one who put that tack on your chair?
Chrissy: No, it wasn't him. It was someone else. It's so simple, don't you understand?
[they look at her nonplussed]
Chrissy: You see, I did something to someone who turned out to be what he wasn't because I thought he did something that he didn't.
Jack: [in weird little boy voice] Some day I'm going to kill you, Chrissy.
Janet: Jack...
Jack: No, I'm just... Don't worry about it, Chrissy. Hey, that scar you got from the tack is hardly noticeable.
Chrissy: [on her high horse] How do you know?
Janet: Yeah! How do you know?
Jack: You're forgetting today I was painting outside your bedroom window.
Janet: Jack, you...
Jack: By the way, Janet, that's a lovely birthmark you've got on your...
[she chases him out]

Chrissy: Eat your salad before it gets cold.

Janet: It was a mistake, Chrissy. Anybody can make a mistake.
Chrissy: Yeah, but it was a stupid thing to do. It's not like me to do stupid things.
[Janet has a hard time not responding to that]

Janet: Do you know that some people go for days without anything?
Chrissy: So do camels. But who wants to look like a camel?

Chrissy: Okay, but I have a date with Elmo. If I'm late, he'll blow his top.
Jack: Don't worry Chrissy.
[taps his temple]
Jack: He has nothing up there that's gonna get hurt in the explosion.

Larry: Okay, okay, no more jokes. Tell me about your garage sale.
Chrissy: It's not our garage sale.
Larry: Then whose is it?
Chrissy: It's ours!
[Larry looks at her nonplussed]
Chrissy: It's our sale, it's not our garage.
Larry: Oh.
Chrissy: Larry, you know we don't have a car. Why would we own a garage?
[looks: ]
Chrissy: I give up, Janet, you try.
Janet: It's the Ropers' garage.
Larry: A-ha!
Janet: Ya. When they moved, they left a lot of stuff in there. They said we could do anything we want with it.
Chrissy: Yes, now we're gonna sell it all to raise money for the rent.
Janet: Right! But it's not gonna be easy. I mean, only an idiot would buy the junk they left behind.
[Larry laughs]
Chrissy: Hey, why don't we invite them over to the sale? They bought it all once, maybe they'll buy it again!

Janet: I'm telling you, we can't get Mr. Furley to do anything. Jack asked him to paint the kitchen cabinet, and he said no.
Chrissy: Jack had to do it himself.
Janet: Yeah.
Lana: Oh, it must be so nice to have a man around the house.
Janet: Well, you ought to know, you were married three times.
Lana: I had three men around the house.
[chuckles]
Lana: They were also around my neighbor's house, my girlfriend's house... my secretary's house...
Chrissy: [brightly] They were really helpful, weren't they?
Janet: Chrissy... I - I don't think they were painting any kitchen cabinets.
Chrissy: [as what was meant finally dawns upon her, her eyes widen] How *awful*! Ugh, men! No wonder you gave up marriage and went into business!
Janet: Chrissy...!
Lana: Men can give you heartaches in business too. You know, when I first became an executive, they didn't even give me a secretary.
Janet: No kidding, how come?
Lana: Because I'm a woman, they expected me to do my own typing.
Chrissy: They didn't give me a secretary either.
Janet: You *are* a secretary.
Chrissy: I know.
Janet: [doorbell rings] Excuse me.
Chrissy: [to Lana] I still had to do my own typing.
[nods]

Carol: [bent over the coffee table] Frank, I am tired of being the butt of everybody's jokes.
Frank: Well face it, Carol, right now your butt's a pretty big target.

Janet: Chrissy, quitting your job is a really big step. Shouldn't you think it through?
Chrissy: Janet, thinking never works for me.

Helen: [naked behind the flower box] Don't come over here, Stanley!
Stanley: Why not? What are you got back there that I haven't seen before?
Janet: Me!
Chrissy: Janet, what are you doing back there?
Janet: Giving the azalias a thrill.

Janet: Jack, listen, hey, is that all the stuff that you got?
Jack: No, there's more downstairs. I'll go get it.
Janet: Listen, whatever you do, don't let Mr. Roper see you. I mean, you know how he feels about parties.
Jack: Don't worry, Janet, I learned camouflage and stalking when I was a Boy Scout.
Chrissy: Did you have badges?
Jack: No, but I got a couple of Campfire Girls.

Chrissy: [after Jack complained to Mr. Furley about the thermostat] What did he say?
Jack: He said "It's never cold in California!"

Chrissy: [after Jack left with Susan] I'm really worried.
Janet: Me too, Chrissy, me too.
[sighs, sits down, so does Chrissy]
Janet: It looks like we're gonna lose him.
Chrissy: [whines] He's gonna get hurt.
Janet: [morose] And we're gonna have to cook our own meals.
Chrissy: [whines] She's gonna break his heart.
Janet: We're gonna have to cook our own meals.
Chrissy: [whines] His whole life will be ruined.
Janet: We're gonna have to cook our own meals.
Chrissy: [eyes widen, clutches her head as stark realisation hits her] Oh, Janet, I just thought of something!
Janet: What?
Chrissy: If she takes Jack away, we'll have to cook our own meals!
Janet: Chrissy! Chrissy, how can you think of food at a time like this?
Chrissy: I'm sorry...!
Janet: But you are right.
Chrissy: [grabs Janet and shakes her] Oh, Janet, what are we gonna do?

Chrissy: [injured] It's only eight o'clock. It's too early to go to bed.
Janet: We'll all go to bed early, if it makes you feel any better.
Jack: Yeah, I'll go to bed with you.
Chrissy: What?
Jack: I meant at the same time.

Jack: Good morning! Coffee, toast and the Sunday paper just for you.
Chrissy: Oh!
[but no, it's for Janet, because Jack is after her Frank Sinatra tickets]
Chrissy: Well, what about me?
Jack: Oh, good morning to you too.

Jack: [neither one can go through with their bet anymore] What do you say, Chrissy? Wanna call it a draw?
Chrissy: Uh huh.
Jack: [calls out to his soon-no-longer-to-be-off-limits date] *Come here, Grace!* Okay. On the count of three, we both start nibbling.

Chrissy: [re the shabby cabin] This reminds me of my grandfather's farm.
Janet: Farm?
Chrissy: Yeah, the little house at the back of the big house.

Chrissy: [the parakeet's not in the box Jack sat upon] Of course it isn't. I couldn't leave the poor thing there all night. I let it loose to fly around in the bathroom.

Chrissy: I was invited on this camping trip. So I went into Willis Department Store and I saw the cutest sleeping bag. It was red and blue with stripes. Jack! It was perfect for you for this weekend! Anyway, that's when I found this perfect little pink jumper that was on sale. And, of course, I needed shoes to go along with it, and I looked *all* over town, until I *finally* found some high heels that were comfortable...
[by this time, Jack is fighting against dozing off]
Janet: But, Chrissy...
Chrissy: They were absolutely the wrong color and I had to have them dyed to match the purse I bought while I was shopping for the shoes.
[Jack is falling asleep]
Chrissy: And then I needed a blazer... The salesman, oh, he was so cute...
Janet: Okay, okay, so you bought a sleeping bag.
Chrissy: No, I didn't. I spent so much money on all of these nice clothes, I didn't have anything left for the sleeping bag.
Janet: But, Chrissy, you just said you were gonna loan it to Jack.
Chrissy: Yeah! Well, I would have if I could but I can't so I won't. He's not going anywhere,
[shrugs]
Chrissy: so what does he need it for?
Janet: [yells] Aagh!

Jack: Well, I was jogging along...
Janet: I don't believe you!
Chrissy: Neither do I.
Jack: Okay, if you don't wanna hear about the naked girl I saw...
Janet: Wait! What naked girl?
Jack: I don't know her name. I was running along on the beach and I turned to say hi and then I tripped over *another* one. Yes, everyone on that beach was *nude!*
Chrissy: They weren't wearing anything?
Jack: Right! That's nude, that's nude. They were just wearing suntan lotion! Could you imagine everywhere I looked all I saw were shiny hills.
Janet: You mean, you mean, right here on our beach? Now come on, Jack, you're putting us on.
Jack: It's true! I spend the last half hour talking to a naked redhead. Just to make sure.
[chuckles]

Jack: [a woman comes to the door and mistakenly tells the girls that Jack got her pregnant. Through miscommunication, Jack believes his girlfriend is pregnant] Good news girls! We're getting married!
Chrissy: You rotten rat!
Jack: [bewildered] Rotten rat? Janet, why did she call me a rat?
Janet: Because you're a pig!

Jack: My Diary, by Wanda X.
Chrissy: Yeah. I wonder what the X stands for.
Jack: Mmm, Chrissy, have you read this? X isn't a name, it's a rating!

Janet: [enters kitchen] Jack...
Jack: Yes?
Janet: It sounds like you kinda like this girl.
Jack: Oh, you bet I do. And guess what?
Janet: What?
Jack: She's coming over here. We're gonna put our lasagnas together.
Chrissy: That sounds like fun.
[giggles]
Jack: Well, Chrissy, it's a class project. We're gonna make a lasagna. We're gonna make the sauce over here, and the pasta at Debbie's place.
Janet: Well, why don't you make everything over here?
Jack: Because that way I'd never get into Debbie's apartment.
[Janet reacts scornful]
Jack: She happens to be a great cook, Janet.
Janet: Uhm.
Jack: No one can touch her pasta.
Chrissy: I'm sure you'll try.
Jack: You got it all wrong with Debbie. She's different. She's pure and wholesome and... and virtuous. Whatever happened to girls like that?
Janet: They all went out with guys like you.

Lana: [as Mr. Furley enters] Just the man who I wanted to see.
Ralph: Well, feast your eyes, Lana, but try to control yourself in front of the children.
Lana: [pays all of that no heed] I want my apartment repainted.
Ralph: Well now, that's not up to me. I'll have to ask my brother, he's the owner, I'm just the manager.
Lana: And I would also like shelves put up in my closet.
Ralph: Ugh. Look, after that *last* job I did for you, my brother warned me about spending too much money. I'm liable to get fired here.
Lana: And I'd like it all done by Friday.
[turns to leave]
Lana: Bye-bye, girls.
Chrissy: Goodbye, Lana!
Ralph: But, Lana, I...
[realizes she's left]
Ralph: I'm not gonna do it!
Lana: [pops back in] Make that Thursday!
[pops back out]
Ralph: Thursday, right!
[as the door slams, he covers his face with his hands]
Ralph: Why can't I learn to say no?
Chrissy: You say no to Jack!
Ralph: You're darn right I do! Where is he? He left this bill for some paint inside my mailbox.
Chrissy: Oh, what color did you paint the inside of your mailbox?
Ralph: I did not paint the inside of my mailbox.
Chrissy: Oh, we'll be glad to lend you some of our paint we have left over from the kitchen cabinet.
Ralph: [gives up on that, turns to Janet] Can I talk to you for a minute?
Janet: [nods] Sure.
Ralph: This was inside my mailbox.
Janet: I hope it didn't get paint all over it.
Ralph: There isn't any paint in my mailbox! I don't know what you're talking about!
Janet: [front door opens] Oh, Jack! Jack, come here! Mr. Furley's got a problem!
Jack: I don't wanna hear any problems. I've got enough of my own.
Janet: What's wrong?
Jack: Travis wants me to cook for a dinner party he's having for free!
Chrissy: Why didn't you tell him you couldn't make it?
Jack: Oh, I tried, Chrissy, but he's one of those people who sound so positive. You know, he's a real authority figure, and that always wipes me out.
Ralph: Sounds like my brother Bart, the big dictator!
Janet: Poor Jack, you have got to learn how to say no!
Jack: Yeah, who teaches that?
Chrissy: My mother. On my first date, she really showed me how to say no.
Jack: How?
Chrissy: She went along with me.
Janet: [to Jack] You know what? It sounds to me like you need Dr. Prescott.
Jack: Who's he?
Chrissy: Oh, he's a psychologist. He's an expert on assertiveness training.
[nods]
Chrissy: He wrote that book Yes Is A Four-Letter Word.
Jack: No, I don't think a book will help me.
Chrissy: Well, if you don't agree with someone, you can just hit him over the head with it.
Jack: Chrissy...
Chrissy: Especially if it's a heavy subject.

Chrissy: Jack, I have a two-part question... Why?
Jack: How is that a two-part question?
Chrissy: [turning to Janet] We both wanna know!

Chrissy: You can't kick 3 helpless children out on to the street you wouldn't be able to sleep at night!
Ralph: I can't sleep anyway, you sold my bed!

Chrissy: Hey, wait a minute. How come we're doing all the work? What are you gonna pick up?
Jack: Well, if I'm lucky, that little blonde in my pastry class.

Stanley: [has read in what he thinks is Chrissy's diary that she loves him] It's not a secret anymore, Chrissy.
Chrissy: [doesn't know what Mr. Roper's talking about] Oh, good.

Jack: [pleased to have been called into the girls" bedroom] Why didn't you say it was important?
Chrissy: I didn't wanna disturb you.
Jack: Chrissy, the day you stop to disturb me is the day I run off to see my doctor.

Jack: [to amorous Mrs. Bustamente:] Hang on one second, will ya?
[pops out of the kitchen]
Jack: Chrissy! Why didn't you come in here to help me?
Chrissy: You said to come when you were in trouble. It sounded like you were having a ball!

Stanley: [after the kids make a lot door slamming noises, Mr. Roper knocks on the door]
Chrissy: [opens the door]
Stanley: I just want to tell you that it's three o'clock in the morning!...
[is about to complain further]
Chrissy: Thank you!
[closes door]

Dana: How am I supposed to get to the library?
Carol: What's the matter, are your legs broken? Walk.
Dana: Walk? It's almost a mile!
Frank: Wow, a mile, better hitch up the camels.

Janet: [re that revealing red dress] Hey, Chrissy, uh, did you actually wear this dress at the office?
Chrissy: I sure did, and it really worked! I walked into that office just overflowing with confidence!
[out the room]
Janet: Jack... You really did it this time.
Jack: *I* did it?
Janet: Yes, you're the one who wanted her to wear a low-cut dress.
Jack: Janet, I want *every* girl to wear a low-cut dress.
Janet: Jack, please, that is *not* the kind of dress you wear to office. It's the kind you wear to open-heart surgery!
Jack: Well, that dress probably had nothing to do with her getting that promotion.
Janet: Oh, are you kidding?
Jack: I'm not!
Janet: Oh, Jack, come on. I've heard how men are in offices.
Jack: What are you talking about?

Janet: [re the windows that finally got cleaned] Now that we can see through them, I'd sure like to be able to breathe through them.
Chrissy: Why, is it still stuck?
Janet: Yeah.
Chrissy: Why don't you call Mr. Roper?
Janet: I've already called him every name in the book.
Chrissy: What did he say?
Janet: Same thing he always says. "It's next on my list."
[pulls idiotic face]

Janet: [as they return] Boy, oh boy, Chrissy. Really?
Chrissy: Yeah. The nerve of that guy! First he makes a date with me and then he asks me to wear the short shorts I wore to the office picnic.
Janet: Well, what did you tell him?
Chrissy: That I'm not going out with any guy who's only interested in me for my *clothes.*
Janet: [smiles] Good for you.
Chrissy: But that's not it. Then he looked at me and he said he'd go out with me if I didn't wear anything at *all.*
Janet: I hope you told him off.
Chrissy: I certainly will. He's picking me up at seven.

Chrissy: [in kitchen] Hey, do we have any of those, uh, what do you call them, bacon-flavored things?
Janet: Pigs?

Jack: Where are the loan papers?
Chrissy: There aren't any. He said all he needed was your name, your address and your next of kin.

Carol: [to Frank] You won't see me reading anymore tonight.
[turns off the lights, turns on a flashlight and resumes reading]
Narrator: Chapter Nine, The River of Blood.

Chrissy: He's never dated a girl who's wrote a book.
Janet: Chrissy, he's never dated a girl who's read a book.

Janet: Jack, you've been trying to get next to every girl in your school.
Jack: No, this is Debbie. She's the most delicious thing in my entire cooking class.
Chrissy: Well, what competition has she got, a plucked chicken?
[snorts with laughter]

Chrissy: And we're going to split this money 50-50.
Janet: Chrissy!
Chrissy: Oh wait, Jack. You're also a partner.
Jack: No, no.
Chrissy: Yes. You went to the track and made the bet. We're going to split this 50-50-50.
Jack: No, no.
Chrissy: Yes. It's share and share alike.
Jack: Aw
Janet: Yeah
Jack: We're the three musketeers.
Chrissy: Yeah, we're like a candy bar.
Jack: No.
Chrissy: Yes.
Jack: Some sweets and some nuts.
Janet: Gosh, what are we going to do with all of this money?
Jack: It's going to be a lot less after the fourth musketeer takes his share.
Chrissy: What?
Jack: The tax collector.
Janet: If we're smart, the first we would do is take at least three months rent and put it away.
Chrissy: Yeah, and we'll still have a lot left over.
Jack: We should go down to the bank tomorrow and open ourselves a joint savings account.
Janet: Oh what a good idea. Then it will be earning interest.

Chrissy: [re failed date] I can't believe he has the nerve to ask me to go on one of those back-to-nature weekends.
Janet: Oh, what's wrong with that?
Chrissy: His idea of back-to-nature is stripping in the living room!

Chrissy: You don't fool me, Jack. I know what you're up to.

Chrissy: Oh, Jack, I want you to do something in my bedroom too!
Jack: That's an even better idea!
[imitates bawdy dancing]
Janet: Wait. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. And just what did you have in mind?

Chrissy: [forced labor in Roper's 'garden'] Oh, I just thought of something.
Jack: Huh?
Chrissy: [whines] Maybe there's rats in here.
Jack: Chrissy, there are no *rats* in here.
Chrissy: Oh, good.
Jack: They all got eaten by the snakes.

Janet: What have you got there?
Chrissy: [sullen] I didn't get a raise, that's what I got there.
Janet: Well, we're you due for one?
Chrissy: Yeah.
Jack: Poor Chrissy. Did you complain?
Chrissy: [wilfully] I wouldn't give them the satisfaction!
Janet: Well, so to cheer yourself up, you went out and bought something new?
Chrissy: How could I? I need a raise to be able to buy something new!
Janet: But you didn't get a raise.
Chrissy: No, that's why I got the *box*!
Jack: Oh.
[looks at Janet nonplussed]
Jack: Lemme see what's inside it, okay?
[starts opening the box]
Janet: Chrissy, how come they wouldn't give you a raise?
Chrissy: [whines] I don't know! I'm the best secretary they have if you don't count my shorthand and typing!
Jack: [inspected box] Easy Time Cosmetics?
Chrissy: That's my new part-time job.
Jack: Doing what?
Chrissy: Selling. You know, door to door, to friends, and over the telephone. These are cosmetics and toiletries that every man and woman can use.
Jack: You know, I don't use lipstick.
[smiles]
Chrissy: It's not just lipstick, it's aftershave...
Jack: Oh, yeah, well, Janet will like that.
[Janet slams the empty box down over his head]
Janet: You know, Chrissy, selling is really hard work.
Chrissy: Well, the man at the Easy Time Cosmetics company said I'd make a lot of money. He said that this job doesn't take any ability at all and I'd be perfect for it.
[Jack laughs]
Janet: Yes, well, Chrissy...
Jack: Chrissy, you'll be great! You can sell anything!
Chrissy: Oh, thank you, Jack! Ooh!
[plants great big kiss smack on his lips, then runs off happily to the kitchen]
Jack: [breathless] Mercy!
Janet: Do you really believe what you just told her?
Jack: No, but I just *love* the way she says thank you!
Janet: You know, Chrissy tried selling before, and she was a total flop at it. Do you remember that all-purpose kitchen knife?
Jack: Oh, yeah. She made four dollars selling the knives, but spent five dollars buying band-aids.
Janet: I'm going to the kitchen and I'm gonna tell her the truth.
[jumps up, and then Chrissy returns]
Janet: Oh, hi. Uhm, Chrissy, I've been thinking.
[looks back at Jack for support]
Janet: Honey, some people just aren't cut out to sell door to door.
Chrissy: I know. But don't feel bad, you have so many other abilities.

Carol: [whining] I'm pregnant and I can't get up!
Brendan: Great, Shamoo beached herself again.
Carol: Hey guys, next one to make a fat joke, I'm shaving your head when you're asleep.

Jack: [Mr. Furley is standing outside the bathroom and eavesdropping while Jack and Chrissy are installing a shower curtain] Okay, Chrissy, I'll get in the tub with you, then we can get it on.
Chrissy: Get next to me, I'll show you what to do.
Jack: This isn't exactly the first time I've ever done this.
Chrissy: Maybe so, but girls are better at this than boys.
Jack: Come on, Chrissy. A little less talk and a little more action, okay?
Chrissy: Okay, you do your part and I'll do mine. I don't think it'll reach!
Jack: Of course not, you've got to unfold it first!

Carol: Frank, Frank wake up, Frank!
Frank: I'm sorry Mommy, it's not my magazine.

Chrissy: [as Janet is about to hammer in a nail] Try to do that without making any noise.

Chrissy: So, are you planning to transfer to UCLA?
Jenny: Yes, if I decide to major in anthropology.
Chrissy: [nonplussed] Anthropology?
Jenny: The study of man.
Chrissy: They give courses in *that* now?
Jenny: Oh, I wish they would. Can you imagine the homework?

Chrissy: [to Martha] You know, if you knew what Jack was gonna do to you, you wouldn't be doing what you are doing now.

Jack: It's time to toast the bride and groom.
Janet: OK.
Jack: To Gloria and Larry. Happy days.
Janet: Good times.
Chrissy: Little house on the prairie!

Chrissy: Guess what? I'm the new sales lady for EasyTimes Cosmetics, and you get to be my very first customer.
Lana: Guess what? You're wrong. Jack, darling...
[goes over to couch]
Jack: [had been pretending he didn't see her come in] Oh, hi, Lana, just taking a nap.
Lana: You must come over to my apartment with me and help me change my light bulb.
Chrissy: That's a switch.
[snorting with laughter]
Jack: Lana, why can't you change it yourself?
Lana: 'Cause the fixture's too high. It's in the ceiling... of my bedroom.
[chuckles]
Jack: Why don't you just get on the bed?
Lana: I thought you'd never ask.
[makes a grab for him again]
Jack: Lana, control yourself.
[points at the others in the room]
Lana: I can't help myself, Jack, whenever I'm close to you, I get this... this tingling sensation all over my body!
Chrissy: Please! If you want your body to tingle, why don't you try some of my new bath lotion?
Lana: [looks down at Chrissy with disdain] If blondes have more fun, why do they keep spoiling it for other people?

Janet: [asked the time:] Seven-thirty. Chrissy, your alarm didn't go off.
Chrissy: It never does by itself. You have to shake it first.

Larry: [two more visitors to the cabin] What are you doing here?
Janet: Well, you said we could come and visit sometime.
Chrissy: Yeah, and this is the only sometime we have some time.

Chrissy: How do I look, Jack?
Jack: Suzy Chapstick eat your heart out.

Carol: Frank, did I have another nightmare?
Frank: Duh! If you don't stop reading that book, I'm gonna go bald!

Jack: It's time to toast the bride and groom. To Gloria and Larry, happy days!
Janet: Good times!
Chrissy: Little House on the Prairie!

Janet: Hey, whoa, whoa! Whoa, what is wrong with you?
Chrissy: Aw, that was David.
Janet: Hmm?
Chrissy: He was suddenly called out of town, so I don't have a date for this weekend.
Janet: Aw, Chrissy... Hey, you want me to call Bob Green?
Chrissy: No!
Janet: Why not? He's dying to go out with you.
Chrissy: He never looks me straight in the eye.
Janet: Well... maybe the guy is shy.
Chrissy: Then why is he always looking everywhere else?

Janet: What's the matter?
Chrissy: Why?
Janet: Oh! You look so depressed.
Chrissy: I am.
Jack: Well, hey, I know how to cheer you up. Chrissy, there was this monkey, you see...
Chrissy: Jack, I don't wanna be cheered up. That will only depress me.
Jack: Oh.
[gives confused frown at Janet]
Janet: [leans over table towards her friend] Chrissy, Chrissy, this isn't like you... Being depressed.
Chrissy: That's what's depressing me!
Janet: Oh.
Chrissy: Don't you understand? You both have good moods, bad moods, inbetween moods like normal people. I have to go through life all the time always being happy, always being cheerful, always being...
Jack: Hold it, hold it! You're unhappy right now!
Chrissy: That doesn't count.
Jack: Why?
Chrissy: Being unhappy because you're not unhappy is just as bad as being happy!
Jack: Oh!
[exasperated, plops his forehead down onto the table]

Captain: A cocktail before you dine?
Janet: Oh, thank you!
[looks at menu and is stunned at the prices]
Janet: I believe I'll have some water.
Chrissy: [eyes bugging out at the menu prices] Me, too.
Captain: Of course. Would you care for the imported Rumanian, the Mountain Clear or the Gillian Sparkling?
Chrissy: I'd like Santa Monica tap!

Chrissy: You talk and I'll type.
Jack: Ok. January 1st. My eyes opened to the dawn of a new year. I looked over and saw Julian's sleeping form. Something stirred within me, some deep primitive lust. I reached over, touched Julian's shoulder and...
[stops reading and eyes widen in disbelief]
Chrissy: Jack...
Jack: Shhh!
Chrissy: What happens when she touched Julian's shoulder?
Jack: Everything. Here, read this entry here.
Chrissy: [reads it in increasing disbelief] Did you see what she did on Washington's birthday?
Jack: Yeah, I'll be old George didn't even do that on his honeymoon.

Chrissy: Boy, you guys are dumb. That fake was coming on to me!
Janet: You knew that?
Chrissy: Janet, that wasn't his knees he was praying on!

Frank: [sitting on the armchair doing a crossword puzzle] A city in Texas, 6 letters?
Carol: Well, Frank--D-A-L-L-A-S !

Chrissy: Men are so unsympathetic.
Jack: Baloney.
Chrissy: Oh yeah? Then how come there are more women nurses than men?
Jack: [pause] Because there are more men who get sick because of women.

Janet: [on her way to kitchen, sleepily walks past Chrissy passionately cuddling Jack on the couch, then turns back sharply] What is going on here?
Chrissy: I'm just convincing Jack that he's still sexy and attractive.
Janet: [scoffs] And to think that I almost slept through this!
Jack: Fortunately there are still good seats available!
[pulls Janet onto the couch as well]

Chrissy: Thinking is a lot of hard work, Janet. It takes a lot of thought.

Jack: [after lugging in party supplies] My arms have grown six inches!
Chrissy: That's better than if they've grown a foot!

Janet: [re her sister Jenny] I want you to know that this is not just another pretty face. At college, this little kid is on the Dean's list.
Chrissy: Oh, really? I used to get into a lot of trouble at school too.

Jack: [pushes his bicycle inside, seems to be attached to it] Oh, Chrissy, can you help me?
[his trouser leg is stuck]
Chrissy: What's the matter?
Jack: My pants got caught in the chain.
Janet: [finishes on phone] Okay, bye-bye.
[to: ]
Janet: I hate to be the one to tell you, but your bike's got a limp.
Jack: Will you help me or what?
Chrissy: What do you want us to do?
Jack: Uh... well, here, I'll hold the bike while you take off my pants.
Janet: I'm busy.
Chrissy: So am I.
Jack: What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a man's bicycle before?

Carol: Well, I'm off to the mall.
Dana: Wait a second. Car keys.
Carol: Excuse me?
Dana: I need the car to go grocery shopping.
Carol: Well how am I supposed to get to the mall?
Dana: What's the matter? Are your legs broken? Walk.
Carol: [murmurs] I'm not liking this game at all.
Dana: Not so far, check book?
Carol: What?
Dana: You're a teenager, you don't have a checkbook. Or credit cards, gimme.
Carol: [groans] Okay, you're the Mom.
Dana: Oh, and uh, take off some of that makeup, I don't want people to think I'm raising a tramp.

Chrissy: Well, this is typical of getting a girl pregnant. Only a man would do a thing like that.

Carol: Hey, Frank, have you ever heard of a little place in Mekwan called Jake's?
Frank: Yeah, it's a bar.
Carol: No! I think it's more like a little club.
Frank: Carol, the only little club at Jake's is the one the bouncer carries. It's a tough place. It's got a two fight minimum.
Carol: Oh no! You're kidding. Oh no! I told Dana she could go there Saturday Night.
Frank: Now, Carol, if Dana were my daughter, there is no way she would be going to Jake's.
Carol: Yeah, we'd better talk to her about it.
Frank: Carol, I don't think this is a "we" situation, I think this is more of a "you" situation. You see Dana and I haven't exactly bonded yet.
Carol: Yeah, you're right. OK, I'll leave you completely out of this. Next time I see her, I'll just lay down the law and tell her she can't go and that's final.

Carol: The truth is we forgot how hard it is to be a teenager, you don't have a car, you don't have much money, and it's NO fun having people tell you what to do all the time.

Janet: An anniversary is a very special event, you know.
Chrissy: It can't be *that* special. They have one every year.
[snorts with laughter]

Janet: [re old Disneyland photos] Look, there you are with Goofy.
Chrissy: That's not Goofy. That was my date.

Helen: You know, I really don't understand this silly contest of yours.
Chrissy: Oh, it's not silly. You see, if Jack has any kind of fun at all with a girl, he loses. And if I die of starvation, I win.

Stanley: Will you put some clothes on? My wife's here!
Helen: Mind your own business, Stanley.
Stanley: What if the towel slips?
Helen: Mind your own business, Stanley.
Chrissy: Jack, you have some shaving cream on your face.
Jack: Oh, thank you.
Chrissy: [shouts] No, Jack!
Helen: Mind your own business, Chrissy!

Jean: What do you think?
Carol: I think you look like Barbara Eden from "I Dream Of Jeannie."
Jean: Well, I think you look like Chrissy from "Three's Company"!

Chrissy: You can run from love, you can run from war, you can run from the cop on the beat. You can run from danger, you can run from a stranger, but you can't run away from your feet.

[first lines]
Chrissy: [enters, takes off a shoe] Hi.
Janet: Hi, Chrissy. Why have you got one shoe off?
Chrissy: I got gum stuck on it.
Janet: Ugh. Now where did that happen?
Chrissy: On the bottom of my shoe.
Janet: I *know* the gum is on the bottom of your shoe.
Chrissy: Then why did you ask?
Janet: [gives up] I'm sorry.
Chrissy: I'd better get a knife to scrape this off.
Janet: Chrissy, you don't need a knife. You can use an ice cube.
Chrissy: Really?
Janet: Yeah.

Narrator: Die, Mommy Die, Chapter One. She was a normal housewife, living in what she thought was a safe little town. Little did she know that a deadly evil was lurking by her front door.
Carol: Uh Frank, would you mind going downstairs and making sure the front door is locked?
Frank: Oh come on, honey, we live in a safe little town.
Carol: Yeah well that's where evil always lurks.

Chrissy: Harry called him a loan shark, but he seemed more like a guppy to me.

Carol: Frank, don't you want another child?
Frank: Carol, I don't want more, I want less. I'd trade two of them in for golf clubs.

Janet: Chrissy, your father's a minister. What does he say to couples who are in trouble?
Chrissy: He tells them to keep the baby.

Chrissy: [after catching Jack and Gloria in a compromising position] You're a rat!
Janet: A pig.
Chrissy: A snake!
Janet: A skunk.
Chrissy: A giraffe!
Jack: Giraffe?
Chrissy: Well, I ran out of animals.

Janet: [Larry's on his knees, pleading with Jack to come along camping] Look! An old-fashioned proposal!
Chrissy: Larry...
Larry: Huh?
Chrissy: I don't think Jack's ready to settle down yet and have babies.
[gives that snorting laugh again]

Jack: Yeah, Janet, she's a married woman, and her husband's a real tough cookie. Are you sure she was talking about getting it on with me?
Janet: Jack, you don't have to understand Italian to know what that lady was saying. I mean, she was shouting it in body language.
Chrissy: I thought she was getting a little worked up to be thinking of macaroni.
Jack: Okay, okay, you girls are gonna have to help me. If you hear anything that sounds like I'm in trouble in that kitchen, you come in fast, okay?
Janet: But, Jack, you know I have to get back to the flower shop.
Jack: I know. But, Janet, please... I need you!
Janet: Jack, I'm sorry, but this is my job we're talking about!
[rushes off]
Janet: I'm gonna be late!
[on her way out]
Jack: I need some help!
Janet: Bye!
[door slams]
Jack: [no other way out] Chrissy... Chrissy... Look, will you help me, and - and not leave me alone with her?
Chrissy: You want me to protect your honor?
[goofy laugh]
Jack: Chrissy! I'm serious!

Chrissy: You know, if women ran the world there'd be none of these stupid wars!
Janet: Yeah!
Stanley: Yeah, all the countries would nag each other to death!

Jack: Oh, what a relief. I'm free, I'm free at last.
Chrissy: Well, let's get out of here. People are starting to look at you queerly.
Janet: [hastily correcting] Strangely, Chrissy.

Jack: Wait a minute, you'd go to a nude beach and get naked in front of total strangers but you wouldn't in front of me? That doesn't make any sense.
Chrissy: It makes perfect sense. See, I don't know them, and they don't know me and they don't know who they're seeing, and I don't know who's seeing me. But I know you, and you know me, and you know who you're seeing, and I know who's seeing me. And both of them are me! See?
Jack: No, I don't see.
Chrissy: And you're not going to, either.
[out the door]
Jack: I'd undress in front of you!
Janet: Later, Jack, when we need a good laugh.

Stanley: [trying to get the three roommates to clear his yard] Who would benefit from cleaning it?
Janet: You would!
Stanley: Who would enjoy the fresh air and exercise?
Chrissy: Not us!
Stanley: Who can't afford a rent increase on their apartment?
Jack: Mr Roper, there is a word for the kind of threat that you just made.
Stanley: Yeah? What?
Jack: Effective.

Janet: [re Larry and Mr. Nessle] They're fighting over Jack!
Chrissy: I wish I knew what perfume he used.

Janet: Oh, Chrissy, we're not gonna take this sitting down!
Chrissy: [was pinched] Oh, that's good, because right now, I couldn't!

Chrissy: [comes rushing in with letter] Oh, this is terrible! My father's coming to preach a sermon!
Janet: Here?
Chrissy: No, in the church.
Janet: Chrissy, when's your father coming?
Chrissy: Today! His plane lands at two-thirty! Oh, no, look!
[tosses the letter onto the kitchen table]
Jack: He should have brought that with him and saved himself a stamp.
Janet: It took over a week to get here. Oh, no!
Jack: From Fresno?
[goes through rest of mail]
Jack: What else did our efficient postal service bring us? Any Christmas cards or nice magazines? No, just bills! They always get here right on time!
[throws down the stack]
Chrissy: This is terrible. He can't see us like this!
Janet: [with irony] Well, you're right. This apartment is a wreck.
[looks around her, everything is of course fairly spick and span]
Chrissy: It's worse than that!
Janet: Oh, Chrissy, that's an exaggeration. I mean, your Dad's been here before. He knows how we live.
Chrissy: *Things have changed since then!*
Jack: What things?
Chrissy: You used to be Eleanor.
Jack: Hey, level with me, was my operation a success?
[flutters eyelashes]
Janet: Jack, last time Chrissy's father came down, Eleanor was still our roommate.
Jack: Oh, Chrissy, don't worry about it. I'm sure your father's gonna like me.
Chrissy: [whines] Oh...
Jack: Chrissy, I'll be on my best behavior.
Chrissy: [whines even more] No...
[clasps her hands over her head]
Jack: Thank you for the vote of confidence.

Jack: She's writing a book on it. She's an authority on ancient peoples.
Chrissy: Oh, that's nice. She works with senior citizens.

Jack: [barges into the bathroom where his two roommates are putting up a shower curtain] Hi, honeys, I'm home.
Janet: [annoyed] Why didn't you knock first?
Chrissy: Yeah!
Jack: Why?
Chrissy: 'Cause I might not have been decent.
Jack: It's all right. I looked first to make sure.
[smiles]
Chrissy: That's okay then.

Chrissy: Are you going out?
Janet: I told you I'm staying in to relax.
Chrissy: Yeah, nobody asked me either.
Janet: Yes, Chrissy, I'm going through a dry spell too.
[picks up the phone that's been silent]
Janet: Boy, Chrissy, you know, there are thousands of guys out there, and they all have telephones, but not one of them bothers to call us up.
[gets notion]
Janet: Oh, on the other hand, why do we have to stay in 'cause nobody bothered to call us up? What's the matter with us taking each other out?
Chrissy: It's cheaper the other way.
Janet: Come on, Chrissy, we can have a good time without men.
Chrissy: Yeah! Yeah.
[thinks: ]
Chrissy: How?

Chrissy: [re archeologist woman friend] Where'd you dig her up?
[snorts with laughter]
Larry: What are you gonna do, jump on her bones?

Chrissy: [Jack reckons burglars wouldn't be interested in their property] Well, I've got a lot of things worth taking.
Jack: Yeah, but when you leave you take them with you.

Jack: Oh boy, I feel terrific! It's amazing what a shower can do for you. I feel years younger!
Chrissy: I wouldn't take too many of them.

Chrissy: [to squabbling 'bed partners' Jack and 75-year-old Leo] Now go to sleep like good little boys.

Janet: [looks at menu in French restaurant] Chrissy! Thirty dollars for pressed duck!
Chrissy: I wonder how much it would be if they left it wrinkled?

Chrissy: [on phone, to boyfriend] Tonight? Oh, no, I can't, my roommate's sister's coming tonight, I think we should be here.
Janet: Oh, Chrissy, Chrissy, you don't have to give up a date because of that.
Chrissy: I don't?
[to: ]
Chrissy: Hey, maybe I can make it after all!
Janet: Oh, but that's so sweet of you, though...
Chrissy: [to boyfriend] No, I still can't make it.
Janet: No, Chrissy, no, no. She's gonna be here for a whole week. There's plenty of time to be together.
Chrissy: [to boyfriend] On the other hand, what time could you pick me up?
Janet: Even though it would be so nice to have everybody here for the first night.
Chrissy: [to boyfriend] Not that I *want* you to pick me up, I just wanted to know if you would if you could.
Janet: Look, Chrissy, if - if you really wanna go...
Chrissy: Look, I'll do whatever you want.
[to: ]
Chrissy: No, no, no, not you, Tom. Tom?
[takes receiver away from ear]
Chrissy: He hung up!
Janet: I'm sorry. Gee...!
Chrissy: It's okay. I don't like people who can't make up their minds anyway.

Jack: A toast! Here's to Jack and here's to Chrissy. Let's get started with a little kissy.
Chrissy: Hold it. If you think I'm that kind of date you can go home right now.
Jack: I live here.
Chrissy: That's no excuse.

Chrissy: I couldn't sleep. I kept tossing and turning and tossing and turning.
Janet: Do you have any idea why?
Chrissy: I think it was because I couldn't sleep.

Jack: You are the proud owner of 1637 hurt me dollars.
Chrissy: Oh. shrieks
Janet: I think that finally got her.

Janet: Why did you use staples to put up wallpaper?
Chrissy: We ran out of Scotch tape.

Jack: And speaking of current events, did you read the *big* news in the paper this morning?
Chrissy: The May Company is having a huge sale on pantyhose.
Jack: Excuse me, Chrissy, that's not exactly a current event.
Chrissy: It is so, it's going on right now.

Jack: I got to tell you, I really appreciate you all coming to my graduation. It really meant a lot to me.
Janet: Are you kidding? Besides the fact that we love you, we've been waiting for this day for three years.
Chrissy: Yeah, we wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Stanley: I came up to shampoo your rug.
Chrissy: Why? Does it have dandruff?

Chrissy: Will you go upstairs and wait for me?
Elmo: [stammering] Chrissy, I...
Chrissy: [waving her finger in his face] Elmo, go on!
[he hangs his head and saunters away]

Chrissy: [at the Regal Beagle] Hi, Larry. Mind if we sit here with you?
Larry: Not at all. Just don't block my view of the door.
Chrissy: Why? Expecting someone?
Larry: Oh, yeah! I'm waiting for my date for tonight.
Janet: Yeah? What's she like?
Larry: Well... She's got beautiful long red hair, big green eyes and full... luscious lips and a body that just won't quit.
Janet: Mm, oh yeah? What's her name?
Larry: I don't know. But if anyone comes in who looks like that, I'm gonna find out.

Jack: [realizes Chrissy has joined in with his practicing dancing the Charleston] Uh, Chrissy...
Chrissy: [super-cute] This is fun!
Jack: [as she jumps about] It certainly is!
Chrissy: [a most pleasing sight] Am I doing it right?
Jack: You sure are. I didn't know you could do the Charleston.
Chrissy: [that melodious voice] Is that what I'm doing?
Jack: Yeah, how'd you pick it up so fast?
Chrissy: I don't know! I just started moving and everything falls into place!
[and beautifully so...]
Jack: [shrugs in awe] Well, it's so true...

Chrissy: I woke up with a headache this morning.
Helen: So did I.
Chrissy: Mine was pounding.
Helen: Mine was snoring.
[both laugh]

Jack: [after realizing Mr Roper read the dirty diary] If you explain to him...
Chrissy: Why should I explain it to him?
Jack: Well, you're Wanda X.
Chrissy: [Shocked] I am not!
Jack: He thinks you are. Janet, you explain it to him.
Janet: Why me? I'm not even in that diary.
Jack: Well neither am I.
Chrissy: [with an accusing tone] How do we know that?

Jack: I have a surprise for you girls!
Chrissy: Oh, I love surprises. It's funny that you never suspect them!

Chrissy: [re Mr. Roper putting up drape] How's it coming?
Stanley: [hurt himself with pin] Got a band-aid?
Chrissy: Oh, did you hurt yourself?
Helen: Yeah, Stanley's been sticking himself with those drapery pins. I guess his eyes are beginning to go too.
Chrissy: What size of them do you need?
Stanley: You got one big enough to cover her mouth?
[laughs at his own little joke, no one else does, and he tries the pin again]
Stanley: Ow, ow, ow! That went right through my thumb.
Chrissy: Lemme look at it. That's funny, you're not bleeding.
Helen: Well, like everything else about Stanley, it takes a while to get started.

Chrissy: [threw away the day's mail] What do you want me to do about it? Go down to the city dump and dig up ten blocks of trash?
Jack: [considers her offer] No, that would take too long.
[exasperated, slams his hand into his fist]
Janet: Jack, couldn't the Government just rush out a duplicate check?
Jack: The Government *rush*?
[cynical laugh]

Janet: Chrissy. Is that all birdseed?
Chrissy: Oh no. It's half a roast chicken from Mrs. Roper.
Jack: Hey, wait-wait, Chrissy. What happened to the birdseed?
Chrissy: Mr. Roper ate it.

Jack: [consoling after failure] Chrissy, lots of people have trouble selling at first.
Chrissy: [sobbing profusely] Not like me! Two men walked away, and another made me write a letter to his wife!
Janet: [puzzled] Why?
Chrissy: [very, very upset] Because I spilled a bottle of perfume all over his pants!

Larry: You see, Chrissy, we men need proof we're lovable and desirable too. If we didn't... well, you see what it's done to Jack.
Chrissy: Oh, yeah. Do you know he actually let that woman pay his way last night?
Larry: No! I never thought he'd stoop so low!
Chrissy: He stooped all the way down to the floor! He thought the roast beef would hide him, but it rolled away!

Jack: Mr. Roper, you didn't tell me there was another woman!
Stanley: This isn't a woman, this is Mrs. Dawson!
Chrissy: Oh! She's married!
Janet: Chrissy, I wonder if her husband knows!
Chrissy: Of course he knows, he must have been at the wedding!

[last lines]
Chrissy: [to Jack's consternation, couldn't find the hidden Government check in her right shoe, then found it in the left] Well, I only missed by one.

Frank: I hate your son!
Carol: [coming in disheveled] I hate my daughter!
Frank: What happened to you?
Carol: Dana made me walk to the mall, do you know how far that is?
Frank: No and I don't know what time TRAIN A gets there either!

Jack: [re aftershave lotion] Here, take a whiff. Doesn't this make you want to tear off my clothes?
Chrissy: No, it makes me wish we had separate bathrooms.

[first lines]
Chrissy: Janet! Have you seen my other shoe?
Janet: [from inside kitchen] What other shoe?
Chrissy: The one that goes with this one!
[lifts up her bare right foot, never mind that Janet cannot see through the wall]
Janet: Chrissy, what shoe are you wearing?
Chrissy: The left one!
Janet: [emerges from kitchen] Then you must be looking for the right one.
Chrissy: Of course I am. Why would I be looking for the wrong one?
Janet: Too true, how stupid of me.
Chrissy: Sometimes it can take you a long time to figure things out.
Janet: I'm sorry.
[goes back into kitchen]

Chrissy: Well, Mrs. Roper, see, the world is made up of two kinds of people, twos and ones. Sometimes two ones become a two, and other times one of the ones of the two gets tired of being a two and wants to become a one again, not that the other one of the two isn't a nice one, it's just that two ones can't be a two without the one. See?

Carol: [singing to her stomach] You're gonna be a beautiful baby, even though your mommy's a cow.

Jack: That garden is right out of Tarzan And The Apes.
Chrissy: It is a little overgrown.
Jack: A little? Chrissy, there are pockets of Japanese in there who don't know the war is over.

Carol: Oh, and one more thing... no parties while we're gone.
John Thomas 'J.T.' Lambert: Don't worry, Carol. You can trust us.
[the kids say goodbye as Frank and Carol close the door]
John Thomas 'J.T.' Lambert: It's party time!

Ralph: I gotta be going, so would you please explain this bill for the paint?
[hands it over to Jack]
Chrissy: Yeah, somebody painted the inside of his mailbox, and he wants us to pay for it!
Ralph: [yells] Will you forget about my mailbox? Let's just say I found the bill for the paint under my door!
Chrissy: Oh, what color did you paint under your door?
Ralph: [exasperated] I didnt paint...! What are you even talking about?
[to: ]
Ralph: I'm not paying for any paint you use in the kitchen!
Jack: Well, neither am I!
Ralph: Oh, yes, you are!
Jack: Look, Mr. Furley, why can't we...
Ralph: The answer is *no!*
[storms: ]
Ralph: Why can't I be that way with my brother and Lana?

Jack: Okay, Chrissy, what's this Bustamante's address? I - I gotta get this money back to him right away.
Chrissy: Oh, you don't have to worry. He said when it was time he'd come looking for you.

Chrissy: [phoned] Missing persons? I'm looking for a persons missing!

[first lines]
Chrissy: [struggling with phone] Hello? Hello? Hello?
[Janet enters]
Chrissy: Janet, the phone's not working!
Janet: Oh, yeah, Chrissy, I know.
[sits down]
Chrissy: Oh, when are you gonna get it fixed?
Janet: Oh, well, I... Wait a minute, Chrissy, wait a minute. Why should I be the one to have it fixed?
Chrissy: 'Cause you always take care of it.
Janet: The telephone has never been out of order before.
Chrissy: No, but the TV was.
Janet: Right. You see, as... as a matter of fact, I did call. The telephone company's gonna send a man over.
Chrissy: Oh, I knew you'd take care of it. When's he coming?
Janet: This afternoon.
Chrissy: This afternoon? I can't wait that long! I'm expecting a call from my date.
Janet: Oh, yeah? Who are you going out with?
Chrissy: Oh, I don't know. He hasn't called yet.

Jack: Did that Indian giver really take his money back?
Chrissy: Jack, that's uncalled for. What a *terrible* way to talk about Rama Mageesh.
Jack: I just wanna find out...
Chrissy: You should never joke about things you don't understand tlll you understand them, and even then you shouldn't joke about them because *you don't understand.* Understand?
[out the room]
Janet: [to Jack] Nice going.
Jack: What did I do?

Carol: [Knocks on the door and when the door opens, she sees Dana who closes the door in panic, she knocks again] OK, open up!
Traci: Hello? Oh, hi, Mrs. Foster.
Carol: OK, where is Dana?
Traci: Uh, Dana? Dana's not here. We told you she's sleeping over at my house with me and so am I. Excuse me. Gotta go.
Carol: [as Traci is about to leave] I will be speaking with your mother later.
Traci: [as she leaves] I had a feeling.
Carol: [goes inside] Anybody else's mother I should speak to?
[All the guests leave]

Chrissy: What he means is if his friend is innocent, would he still be guilty?
Desk: [exasperated] Of what?
Chrissy: Of what he didn't do.

Jack: [passionate embrace] Susan, Susan...
Susan: Jack, Jack...
Janet: Sick, sick...
Susan: Oh, what do you say, we celebrate our reunion?
Jack: I'll open up a bottle of wine.
Susan: Oh, no, let's go out.
[raises her eyes at the two roommates]
Susan: I feel it's a little crowded in here.
Chrissy: That's 'cause you're standing so close to Jack!
Susan: [to Chrissy, patronising tone] You're sweet.
Jack: Let's go to the Regal Beagle.
Susan: Oh, and music!
Chrissy: [panicky] You can't go!
Jack: Why not?
Chrissy: 'Cause you're supposed to go for a walk with me!
Jack: Well, Chrissy, I'll take a rain check on that, all right?
Chrissy: [whines] I can't wait till it rains! I wanna go for a walk right now!
Susan: She's a pushy little thing, isn't she?