Top 150 Quotes From Woody Harrelson

Haymitch: You know, I like you better without all the make-up.
Effie: Well, I like you better sober.

[Switching on Tannoy]
Dimitry: Say it again!
The: 'My government murdered Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Bobby Kennedy, and John F. Kennedy.. My government overthrew good, honest, democratic leaders of the people in Chile, Venezuela, Argentina, Peru, El Salvador, Nicaragua, Panama, and Bolivia. Along with Britain, we carved up the Middle East, creating artificial geographical boundaries and installing puppet dictators.'
The: 'War itself became our most lucrative industry. Every bomb that's dropped, somebody makes a million dollars. You don't have to know where those bombs are exploding. You don't have to see the grieving mothers and the mangled bodies of their children.'
The: 'Eugene Debs gave this speech in Canton, Ohio, in 1918: "Throughout history wars have been waged for conquest and plunder... The master class has always declared the wars. The subject class has always fought... They've taught you to believe it to be your patriotic duty to go to war and to have yourselves slaughtered at their command... When Wall Street says war, the press says war."'

[first lines]
Rex: [narrating] Most city folk live in fancy apartments, but their air's so polluted, they can't even see the stars. We'd have to be out of our minds to trade places with any of 'em.

Ishmael: Have you been drinking again?
Roy: I don't puke when I drink. I puke when I don't.

Haymitch: Good news. At least half the tributes want you as an ally.
Peeta: Well, they saw her shoot.
Haymitch: Hm. Well, sweetheart, you got your pick of the litter.
Katniss: I want Wiress and Beetee.
Peeta: Johanna calls them Nuts and Volts.
Haymitch: Well, okay, good. Now, who else?
Katniss: Mags.
[Peeta turns away while rolling his eyes, clearly frustrated]
Katniss: All right, fine, then no one.
Haymitch: I'll tell them you're still making up your mind.

Rex: What does an investment banker use as birth control? His personality.

[from trailer]
Haymitch: Remember who the real enemy is.

The: This is the Holy War.

Caesar: How many men will be coming?
The: All of them.

Charlie: This marks the last day of the United States of America. And, by tomorrow, all of mankind. And we will be visible from the Milky Way as a tiny little puff of smoke. I'm watching the earth crumble before my eyes. The giant ash cloud created by this super-volcano will first envelop Vegas and then St. Louis and then Chicago and then, at long last, Washington, D.C. will have its lights go out!

Charlie: You'd have to keep a thing like this underwraps. I mean, just think about it, okay? First, the stock market would go. Then the economy, boom! The dollar, boom! And then pandemonium in the streets. War, genocide, ba-ba-ba-ba, boom, boom, boom!
Jackson: Bullshit. Nobody could keep that big a secret, Charlie. Somebody would blow the whistle.
Charlie: And every once in a while, some poor little sucker tries. Well, like these guys, boom, boom!
[pulls down a screen of posted obituaries]
Charlie: Every one of these guys, dead, dead, dead.
Jackson: [notices one of them] Whoa, whoa, whoa! That's Professor Meyers.
Charlie: He ran the Atlantis shuttle program. Why, did you know him?
Jackson: Yeah, he helped me with research on my book.
Charlie: Well, that must have been before this "accident."
Jackson: Meyers is dead?
Charlie: Oh, two months ago. He was one of my most avid listeners and he had it all figured out. Everything the government was doing, where and why... He even sent me a map.
Jackson: A map for what Charlie? What's the map for?
Charlie: They're building spaceships, man.
Jackson: Shit, man, I have to go because I gotta get back to Earth.

The: They told me that you were smart, but that's... impressive.

The: The virus that almost wiped us out, that every human carries, will destroy humanity for good this time.

Charlie: Hey. Hey, guess what? They're selling seats.
Jackson: Put me down for three.
Charlie: No, guys like you and me don't have a chance. You'd have to be Bill Gates or Rupert Murdoch or some Russian billionaire or something.
Jackson: Hey, keep it down. My kids are sleeping.
Charlie: Get them out of Yellowstone. It's gonna get ugly up here.

[from trailer]
Beckett: Let me give you some advice. Assume everyone will betray you. And you will never be disappointed.

Dimitry: Ronald Reagan, he said also, "Socialism works only in heaven where they don't need it, and in hell where they already have it."
The: That's... that's pretty good.
Dimitry: Yeah?

Roy: What about a gross of fluorescent condoms for the the novelty machine in the men's room? I mean, those are fun even when you're alone.
Lancaster: Yeah.
Roy: You get it?
Lancaster: [impatiently, trying to read his Asian Brides magazine] Yeah!
Roy: This is like the hula hoop of the nineties. People go nuts!
Lancaster: No! Look, we don't even have a novelty machine in the men's room anymore.
Roy: And you call this a bowling alley?

Tallahassee: I'm not great at farewells, so, uh, that'll do, pig.
Columbus: That's the worst goodbye I've ever heard, and you stole it from a movie.

Columbus: [Columbus sprays Tallahassee with perfume, Tallahassee turns around and glares at Columbus] Okay. Let me begin my three-part apology by saying that I think you're a wonderful human, with great potential.
Tallahassee: It's okay... But FYI, I have beat wholesale ass for a whole lot less than that.
Columbus: I'm sure.
Tallahassee: You get, uh...
[cocks his head]
Tallahassee: 45% power.
Columbus: Thank you.
Tallahassee: [Tallahassee punches Columbus in the arm, and Columbus knocks over a lamp] There you go.

Ishmael: [after losing a game] Mr. Munson, you all right?
Roy: [calmly] Ish, uh, what happened in there?
Ishmael: Well, I don't know. Um, I thought I played pretty good. Uh, he's just a little better than me, that's all.
Roy: Pretty good, huh? 186.
[loses his cool]
Roy: You lost to a club player! What - that's not supposed to happen! You're carrying a 270 average!
Ishmael: Wh-wh-wh-what do you expect? I mean, you guys with your 10 frames.
Roy: [angrily] What do you mean, "you guys with your 10 frames"?
Ishmael: Well, my grandpa always taught me to bowl 15 frames. It's like I told you before, we Amish, we do everything half again as hard as you do. Ten frames.
Ishmael: That's for Quakers.

Tallahassee: Bill Murray, you're a zombie?
[Wichita hits Bill in his back with a golf club]
Bill: [cries in pain] Ow, I'm on fire! Ouch!
Tallahassee: You're not a zombie, you're talking and... You're okay?
Bill: The hell I am.
Wichita: I'm sorry. I didn't know it was... It was "you" you.
Tallahassee: Are you...? What's with the get-up?
Bill: Oh, I do it to blend in. You know. Zombies don't mess with other zombies. Buddy of mine, makeup guy, he showed me how to do this. Corn starch. You know, some berries, a little licorice for the ladies. Suits my lifestyle, you know. I like to get out and do stuff. Just played nine holes on the Riviera. Just walked on. Nobody there.

Katniss: [filming a "propo," stilted, wooden delivery] People of Panem, we fight! We dare to end this hunger for justice.
Haymitch: [entering the room, slow clap] And that, my friends, is how a revolution dies. Hello, Katniss. This how you greet an old friend?
Katniss: Maybe I don't recognize you sober.
Haymitch: I guess it looks as bad as it feels.

Haymitch: She's gonna lose it when she finds out about the boy.
Plutarch: She'll still cooperate, though.
Haymitch: Without Peeta? There is no guarantee.

[first lines]
Varrick: Sure you don't wanna use the variable scope for this?
Kate: No. I've got a lock on vector and trajectory.
Varrick: You ever hear that saying, listen to your elders? Big phrase, especially here in Japan.
Kate: Ah, so you're an elder now.


The: Humanity could be saved.

[looking at the District 2 Female Tribute, Enobaria]
Katniss: What's with her teeth?
Haymitch: She had them filed into fangs so she could rip people's throats out.
Peeta: She's committed, I'll give her that.

[looking at the District 4 Male Tribute]
Katniss: Finnick Odair, right?
Haymitch: Yes. He won the games at 14. Youngest ever. Extremely humble.
Katniss: You're kidding.
Haymitch: Yes, I'm kidding. He's a peacock, a total preener. But he's the Capitol darling. They love him here. Charming, smart and very skilled at combat, especially in water.

Tallahassee: My mama always told me someday I'd be good at something. Who'd a guessed that something'd be zombie-killing?
Columbus: Probably nobody.

The: All of human history has lead to this moment. The irony is we created you. And nature has been punishing us ever since. This is our last stand. And if we lose... it will be a Planet of Apes.

Charlie: [on radio] Folks, did you hear that? The authorities in L.A. say there's nothing to worry about. I'd love to see their dumb faces when Malibu and Beverly Hills get sucked into the gurgling maw of the Pacific. Where are they going to plug in their electric cars then? Ha, ha, ha.

Roy: Some of the dresses ya' got, ya' need two hairdos to wear.

Carson: Call me when you've had enough. I can even let you keep a little of the money.
Llewelyn: If I was cuttin' deals, why wouldn't I go deal with this guy Sugar?
Carson: Oh, no, no. You don't understand. You can't make a deal with him. Even if you gave him the money he'd still kill you just for - inconveniencin' him. He's a peculiar man. You might even say that he has principles. Principles that transcend money or drugs or anything like that. He's not like you. He's not even like me.
Llewelyn: He don't talk as much as you, I give him points for that.

Dr. Frasier Crane: [Woody is hiding from Frasier in the men's room] Woody. Come out of there, please.
Woody: [from behind the door] No hablo ingles.
Dr. Frasier Crane: I don't understand this.
Woody: It means I don't speak English.

Tallahassee: Have you ever read that book "She's Just Not That Into You"?

[a: Eddie arrives at a prison to interview the serial murderer Cletus Kasady. Kasady, handcuffed and held at a small pen, turns his head and smiles at Eddie]
Cletus: Hi, Eddie.
Eddie: Hey.
Cletus: Do you mind if we forego the whole creepy serial killer thing?
Eddie: Sure, it's good with me.
Cletus: I mean, I can turn it on if you want. I can talk about the Dadaist patterns of arterial spray.
Eddie: I bet you can.
Cletus: Tough to see you in this light, Eddie. Come on over.
[Eddie approaches]
Eddie: All right. I'm here.
Cletus: When I get out of here, and I will...
[Kasady takes deep breath]
Cletus: ...there's gonna be carnage.
[Kasady smiles nastily]

ESPN: So Roy, let me ask you, what have you been doing all these years?
Roy: Uh, well, the the uh... after the hand, I. There was the 80s - you know, for a while... drinking. A lot of drinking.
ESPN: Uh, are you still drinking?
Roy: No no, I don't - that's behind me now. Why, are you buying?

Carson: [sitting by bed] Buenos Dias. I'm guessing this isn't the future you had planned for yourself when you first clapped eyes on that money. Don't worry, I'm not the man who's after you.
Llewelyn: [in bed] I know that. I've seen him.
Carson: You've seen him, and you're not dead?
Llewelyn: What's this guy supposed to be, the ultimate badass?
Carson: No, I wouldn't describe him as that.
Llewelyn: How would you describe him?
Carson: I guess I would say he doesn't have a sense of humor. His name is Chigurh.
Llewelyn: Sugar?
Carson: Chigurh, Anton Chigurh. Do you know how he found you?
Llewelyn: Yeah, I know how he found me.
Carson: Called a transponder.
Llewelyn: Yeah, I know what it's called. He won't find me again.
Carson: Not that way.
Llewelyn: Not any way.
Carson: Took me about three hours.
Llewelyn: Yeah, well, I been immobile.
Carson: No, you don't understand.

Roy: [Whispering so as not to awake Claudia, whom he means to leave behind] Just be quiet.
[as Ishmael whispers "okay," Roy trips and falls]
Roy: Ooh! I think I tore my sac.
Ishmael: [loudly] Are you okay, Mr. Munson?
Roy: Shh! What did I just say?
Ishmael: Uh, "I think I tore my sac"?

Haymitch: Peeta!
- Peeta! Get off! Get off of her!
- Let go! [GRUNTING]

Roy: Just because you're familiar with the missionary position doesn't make you a missionary.
Claudia: Look, Mr. Munster, you're not exactly the smartest guy I ever ran across.
Roy: Oh yeah? And who are you, Alfred Einstein?

Carson: I was wondering...
Man: Yes?
Carson: Could you validate my parking ticket?
Man: An attempt at humor, I suppose.
Carson: I'm sorry... You know, I counted the floors to this building from the street.
Man: [sighs] And?
Carson: There's one missing.
Man: [sarcastically] We'll look into it.

Wichita: [playing Monopoly] Ooh! Free parking...
Little: Yeah.
Wichita: -which coincidentally is the best thing about Zombieland.
Columbus: You want to know the best thing about Z-land? No- no Facebook status updates. You know, Rob Curtis is gearing up for Friday. Who cares?
Tallahassee: The best thing is no more flushing. Epic.

Anton: And you know what's going to happen now. You should admit your situation. There would be more dignity in it.
Carson: You go to hell.
Anton: [Chuckles] Alright. Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?
Carson: Do you have any idea how crazy you are?
Anton: You mean the nature of this conversation?
Carson: I mean the nature of you.

Ishmael: Whatcha doin', Mr. Munson?
Roy: Flossin'.
Ishmael: Flossin? Where'd I get "Munson" from?
Roy: The *name* is Munson, what I'm doin' is flossin', this is called floss, cleans your teeth, you oughta try it sometime!

Tallahassee: [referring to Wichita and Little Rock, who previously hijacked them] They're in the back, aren't they?
Little: [pops up holding shotgun] Just me.
Columbus: I'm really sorry. She was like a crouching tiger...
Tallahassee: You got taken hostage by a 12 year old?
Columbus: Well, girls mature faster than boys. She's way ahead of where I was at that age.
Little: Twelve's the new twenty. Gun please.
Tallahassee: Like you would ever use that thing
[Little Rock shoots in the air]
Tallahassee: Don't kill me with my own gun.

[from trailer]
Tallahassee: [turning to Columbus, Wichita and Little Rock after a zombie kill] What do you think? "Zombie Kill of the Week"?

The: Do you have any idea what your mercy did to us?

[from trailer]
Tallahassee: Time to nut up or shut up!

The: Freedom in capitalist society always remains about the same as it was in ancient Greece. Freedom... for slave owners.
Dimitry: I know. Vladimir Lenin! School.

[from trailer]
Katniss: Haymitch, please. Please, just help me get through this trip.
Haymitch: This trip doesn't end when you get back home.
Peeta: So what do we do?
Haymitch: From now on, your job is to be a distraction so people forget what the real problems are.

Rio: Hey, Beckett, you said we were here to pull a quick job.
Beckett: Yeah.
Rio: Well, this ain't a quick job! IT'S A WAR!

Harlan: [to Rodney] You gonna be a good boy and take a dive like Petty said you would? Or am I gonna have to teach you a lesson?

Columbus: You know there's a place untouched by all this crap?
Tallahassee: Back east, yeah?
Columbus: Yeah. Yeah. You heard the same thing?
Tallahassee: Out west, we hear it's back east. Back east, they hear it's out west. It's all just nonsense. You know, you're like a penguin on the North Pole who hears the South Pole is really nice this time of the year.
Columbus: There are no penguins on the North Pole.
Tallahassee: You wanna feel how hard I can punch?

[In the parking lot, Roy has packed his car and is saying farewell to Dad and a few friends]
Roy: Can you believe this? Me, on a professional bowling tour?
Calvert: It's your calling, son. One day, when people say the name Munson, they're gonna think "winner." Just like DiMaggio is to baseball or, or Unitas is to football, that's what Munson will be to bowling.

Haymitch: I don't know how else to put this: Make sure they remember you.

Katniss: What the hell was that? You don't talk to me and then you say you have a crush on me? You say you want to train alone? Is this how you want to play? Huh?
Haymitch: Stop! Stop it!
Katniss: Let's start right now!

The: There are times when it is necessary to abandon our humanity to save humanity.

Columbus: Take away a man's son, you've truly given him nothing left to lose.
Tallahassee: I haven't cried like that since "Titanic."

Little: No Twinkies.
Tallahassee: Shit! fuck!
Wichita: See, I told you we should have gone to Russell Crowe's! No one listens to me!

Ishmael: Okay, you want to bowl for some big money, eh? But I'll lose my entire bonus check because I'm so *bombed*.
McKnight: You get that way from ginger ale?
Roy: Nah, he was sniffing glue in the parking lot.

The: Have you finally come to save your apes?
Caesar: I came for you.
The: For me?
The: My God. Look at your eyes. Almost human.
The: How'd you know I was here?
Caesar: I was told... you were coming. That more soldiers from the north were will be joining you here.
The: Joining me here?
Caesar: To finish us off... for good.
The: Who told you that?
The: Ok. Let's go.

Tallahassee: [discovers Hostess truck filled with Sno-Balls] Sno-Balls? Sno-Balls? Sno Balls? Where's the fucking Twinkies?
Columbus: I love Sno-Balls.
Tallahassee: I hate coconut. Not the taste, consistency.
Columbus: [eats a Sno Ball] Fresh.
Tallahassee: Oh, this Twinkie thing, it ain't over yet.

Bill: You are staring at me. It's a hairpiece! It's a piece.
Wichita: It's - I'm sorry. No, it's just that you look remarkably like Eddie Van Halen.
Bill: I just saw Eddie Van Halen.
Wichita: Nuh-uh.
Tallahassee: Really?
Bill: Yeah.
Wichita: Wow.
Tallahassee: Where?
Bill: The Hollywood Bowl.
Tallahassee: And how was he?
Bill: He's a zombie.
Wichita: Aw. Tough break.

Roy: This feels weird. Are you sure this is legal?
Ernie: I don't know. It's fun though, isn't it?

Man: [about Chigurh] Just how dangerous is he?
Carson: Compared to what? The bubonic plague?

Rex: I never built the glass castle.
Jeannette: No. But it was fun to plan it.

Ernie: The Munson.
Roy: Big Ern. Long time.
Ernie: I'll say. Probably a year for every topping on the table. I heard a horrible rumor...
Ernie: [looks at Roy's prosthetic rubber hand] Oh, creepy! I'm sorry. You know, for the first couple years, I felt responsible. How you been otherwise?
Roy: You know, in the last 17 years, a day hasn't gone by that I haven't thought about what I'd say to you if I ever ran into you again.
Ernie: I bet!
Ernie: [notices Claudia] Hello.

Tallahassee: [to Columbus] You can do anything you want to a man, but do not fuck with his Cadillac!

Roy: You two know each other?
Ernie: It's a small world when you've got unbelievable tits, Roy.

[from trailer]
Beckett: Hey kid, I'm putting together a crew. You in?
[Chewbacca makes an affirmative growl]
Han: That's yes.

Haymitch: [to Katniss] Nice dress, too.
Haymitch: [to Effie] Not yours.

Dimitry: I have a joke. Do you know how to tell a communist? It's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And do you know how to tell an anti-communist?
The: Uh-huh.
Dimitry: It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin. Ha-ha! It's Ronald Reagan. Funny guy!

Tallahassee: [Columbus kisses Wichita] Finally got to first base. Not bad for that scrawny little spit-fuck.

Ishmael: I don't drink coffee.
Roy: Why not?
Ishmael: Because it's a stimulant.
Roy: What the hell do you think cigarettes are?
Ishmael: They are?
[Roy nods]
Ishmael: All right, make it an extra large, two sugars, lots of cream. Lots of cream.

[Quoting: How the World Works]
The: 'How people perceive themselves is nothing that interests me.. There are very few that are gonna look in the mirror and say: The person I see is a savage monster. Instead, they make up some construction that justifies what they do.'

Ishmael: No way. Uh-huh. There's no way I can bet. It's against my religion. I was raised to *not* be a gambler. There's no way I'm going to bet.
Roy: Hey, hey, Ish. Ish! *Ish*!
Ishmael: No. No! *No* way!
Roy: Hey! Listen, you stupid banana head! You don't have to bet. I'll bet for you.
Ishmael: Oh, that's cool. I mean, what's the worst that can happen?
[Roy agrees by gesturing with his hook and then looks at it awkwardly]

Katniss: Any last advice?
Haymitch: Stay alive.

Han: Mining colonies are the worst.
Beckett: Yeah, well, "the worst" is where the money is.

The: No matter what you say, eventually you'd replace us. That's the law of nature. So what would you have done?

Roy: Hey, Herbie! How's life?
Scranton: Taking forever.

Roy: Yeah, sure, Thomas can raise a barn, but can he pick up a 7-10 split?
Ishmael: God blessed my brother to be a good carpenter. It's okay.
Roy: Yeah, well, he blessed you, too, and I'll give you a clue what it is. It's round, it has three holes, and you stick your fingers into it.
Ishmael: [He points his finger into Roy's face] You leave Rebecca out of this, mister!
Roy: I'm talking about bowling! Your future!

Tobias: Do you have any idea what it's like to live with a price on your head?

Little: Have you heard about Pacific Playland? There are no zombies there.
Columbus: The amusement park?
Little: Yep!
Tallahassee: That place totally blows!
[Little Rock and Wichita shoot Tallahassee angry looks]
Tallahassee: ... my mind. Just fun for the whole family.

Tobias: Is it a good day?

Katniss: I'm here to drink.
Haymitch: Oh. Finally, something I can help you with.

Haymitch: [to Katniss, about Peeta] You better keep this knife. He knows what he's doing.

McKnight: So, you two are dictionary salesmen?
Roy: You would be punctilious in assuming that."

The: Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of a cancer cell.
Dimitry: Ah...
The: That's Edward Abbey.

[from trailer]
Haymitch: I want you guys to forget everything you think you know about the games. Last year was child's play. This year, you're dealing with all experienced killers.

Roy: That coffee wasn't even hot.
[takes a sip of coffee]
Roy: Now, that's hot.

The: You're going to like this one... "The last capitalist we hang will be the one who sold us the rope." Karl Marx.
Dimitry: Oh! Shit!

Tallahassee: Goddamn it, Bill fucking Murray! I had to get that out. I don't mean to gush. This is so surreal. I mean, you probably get this all the time. Maybe not lately, but I'm such a huge fan of yours. You know, I swear, I've seen every one of your movies a million times. I even loved your dramatic roles and just everything. Six people left in the world and one of them is Bill fucking Murray. I know that's not your middle name. I've been watching you since I was like... Since I could masturbate. I mean, not that they're connected.

Harlan: I want my fucking money, Petty. You hear me, you fucking cunt. Give me my fucking money. I don't give a shit how you get it, give me it. You fucking cunt.
John: Now, will you calm down. I'll get you the money, Harlan. I'm fixin' for a fight this week.
Harlan: You've been saying that but you've been fuckin' jerkin' me off. Give me my fucking money, you cunt.

Silver: [Roy and Ishmael are trying to find Claudia and have rushed to her hotel room, only to find two maids making up the bed] She checked out. She left with two guys.
Roy: Two guys like us?
Silver: No, they were good looking.

Katniss: Nobody decent ever wins the games.
Haymitch: Nobody ever wins the games. Period. There are survivors. There's no winners.

Man: Did I say you could sit?
Carson: No, but you strike me as a man who wouldn't want to waste his chair.

[Reading From His Notebook]
The: 'And I recall, I was seven years old walking into the kitchen to find my mother crying inconsolably: Martin Luther King had been shot. Two months later, she was crying again: Bobby Kennedy was killed. I couldn't know then what I know now, that the invisible thread connecting Martin Luther King, the Kennedy brothers, and Malcolm X, was that in each case, my government had their finger on the trigger.'
Dimitry: Wait. Wait!

Tallahassee: There's a box of Twinkies in that grocery store. Not just any box of Twinkies, the last box of Twinkies that anyone will enjoy in the whole universe. Believe it or not, Twinkies have an expiration date. Some day very soon, Life's little Twinkie gauge is gonna go... empty.

Dimitry: Okay. A classic. "The most powerful single force in the world today is man's eternal desire to be free and independent." Kennedy.
The: Okay.

Dr. Frasier Crane: So, what brings you to Seattle, huh?
Woody: Oh, My cousin's getting married.
Dr. Niles Crane: Which is your cousin, the bride or the groom?
Woody: Well, actually, both are.
Dr. Niles Crane: I guess they're kissing cousins.
Woody: [chuckles] Oh they're more than that, that's why they gotta get married.

Haymitch: They're not happy with you.
Katniss: Why, 'cause I didn't die?

Roy: I know what you're thinking, but let me explain...
[Claudia kicks Roy in the crotch]
Roy: [very softly] Mommy. You must have a really wide foot because you got both of them

Claudia: Ishmael likes me.
Roy: I promise you, you're not his type.
Claudia: Oh, I'm his type. I'm every guy's type.

Tallahassee: Here's the deal: I'm not easy to get along with, and I'm sensing you're a bit of a bitch.

Rex: You learn from living, everything else is a lie.

Beckett: Stick to the plan. Do NOT improvise.

Mr. Boorg: How many children do you have, Brother Hezekiah?
Roy: Uh, none that I know of.
[Adopting a terrible Irish accent]
Roy: What I mean to say is, I was, uh, wee, I'm unable to have children. Nasty cheese gratin' accident as a young man.

[from trailer]
Beckett: If you come with us, you're in this life for good.

The: We created them. But now... we will bring an end to their kind.

Varrick: You know, I... I thought I had the coolest bracelets, I realise now YOU have the coolest bracelet!
Ani: I have a gun, you know.
Varrick: Haha, good for you! Your parents raised you right!

Tallahassee: Are you fucking with me?
Columbus: Uh, no. You should actually limber up as well. Especially if we're going down that hill. It is very important.
Tallahassee: I don't believe in it. You ever see a lion limber up before it takes down a gazelle?

Charlie: Should've brought that gun along, buddy.
Marty: I don't believe in them.
Charlie: In guns? You don't believe in guns? They ain't fucking leprechauns, you dumb Mick.

[last lines]
Woody: [offering a toast] Cheers.
Dr. Frasier Crane: Cheers.

Han: Beckett, we're .8 from the bridge! Val's still on the track!
Beckett: Val, you gotta get off that bridge! We're here!
Val: They've got me pinned! I'm gonna have to finish the job from right here.
Beckett: What?
Val: It's been a ride, babe. And I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Roy: Morning! I hope you don't mind, I got up a little early, so I took the liberty of milking your cow for you. Yeah, it took a little while to get her warmed up, she sure is a stubborn one. Then, POW, all at once.
[Takes a drink from the bucket]
Mr. Boorg: We don't have a cow. We have a bull.
Roy: I'll brush my teeth.

Jeannette: You did all this for me?
Rex: Since when is it wrong for a father to take care of his little girl?

Billy: Where's your guns?
Charlie: You said don't bring none, so I didn't bring none.
Billy: You didn't bring a gun to the final shoot-out?

Rodney Baze Jr.: You got a problem with me?
Harlan: I got a problem with everybody.

Haymitch: Nice shooting, sweetheart. What-what-what did they... what did they do when you... shot the apple?
Katniss: Well, they looked pretty startled.

Little: Who's Bill Murray?
Tallahassee: I've never hit a kid before. I mean, that's like asking who Gandhi is.
Little: Who's Gandhi?

Han: I don't know if he said "tribe" or "family."
Tobias: What's the difference?

Roy: Take that, you freaky piece of shit. You don't mow another guy's lawn.

Roy: The world can really kick your ass. I only have a VAGUE recollection of when it wasn't kickin' mine.

Teddy: [about his minute photos] What's that, for your little serial killer wall?
The: You think you'd make the wall? Come on, man. You're barely fridge material.

The: They fear me.

Peeta: There was an attack on 12.
Primrose: Yes.
Peeta: My family?
Primrose: The bakery didn't survive.
Peeta: It's Katniss. It's because of Katniss.
Primrose: Wasn't because of her.
Peeta: She tell you to say that?
Primrose: She didn't tell me anything.
Peeta: She's a liar, Prim. It's a trick.
Primrose: Peeta, what you're saying isn't real.
Peeta: She sent you here to talk to me. She knows you're here now.
Primrose: It's okay.
Peeta: She knows... you can't trust her! She's a monster! She's a mutt that the Capitol created to destroy us!
Haymitch: [to Plutarch] Get her out of there.
Peeta: Do you understand me? You have to kill her, Prim! You have to kill her!
Plutarch: Katniss?
Peeta: She's a mutt!
Plutarch: This is just a conditioned response.
Peeta: Kill her!
Plutarch: It's not him.
Peeta: She's a monster! She's a mutt!
Katniss: No, it's not him.
Peeta: She's a mutt!

Johanna: You guys look amazing.
Katniss: Thank you.
Johanna: My stylist is such an idiot. District 7, lumber. Trees. Ugh. I'd love to put my axe on her face. So what do you think, now that the whole world wants to sleep with you?
Katniss: [scoffs] I don't think that the whole world...
Johanna: I wasn't talking to you.
Katniss: Okay.
Johanna: [to Peeta] Will you unzip?
Peeta: Yeah.
[Peeta unzips her dress, Katniss glares at Peeta, Johanna disrobes completely then stares them down boldly, making for an awkward pause till the elevator stops at Johanna's floor]
Johanna: [exiting] Thanks. Let's do it again sometime.
Haymitch: Thank YOU. Johanna Mason, District 7.

Tallahassee: [Searching for Twinkies] Where are you, you spongy, yellow, delicious bastards?

Sergeant: Oh, Jesus! I blew my butt off. I blew my butt off!

Dr. Frasier Crane: [to Woody who's visiting] Well, Woody, I thought that tonight we would just maybe stay in... Order some pizza...?
Woody: Sounds good by me!
Dr. Frasier Crane: Okay... Great... I'll just call the place around the corner. Niles...? You, uh... gonna join us...?
Dr. Niles Crane: Why not? Be fun to drink some beer and have some pizza with a couple o' rapscallions...
Woody: Oh, hey, if you don't mind, could we make that half rapscallions, half pepperoni..?

The: Never argue with an idiot, they'll only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. Mark Twain.
Dimitry: Oh-oh... Okay.

Daphne: [to Woody] It's nice to meet you.
Woody: Oh, hi. I like your accent. Ahh... you're from England, right?
Daphne: Manchester.
Woody: Darn! I'm usually pretty good at that.

Columbus: Hey, for fuck's sake, enough already! We are being chased by ravenous freaks. Like we don't have enough problems. Oh, they stole my hummer. Oh, we have trust issues. Well get over it! We can't just fucking drive down the road playing I Spy or some shit for two hours like four normal-ass Americans? Fuck me.
Tallahassee: Whoa.
Columbus: I know.

[from trailer]
Haymitch: I think these games are gonna be different.

Dr. Frasier Crane: Really Woody, there's nothing to worry about. I know my life may seem rather dreary to you but ah, it's really quite enjoyable. In fact, it's even a lot of fun. I love my life now, honestly. You know what, I wouldn't trade my years at Cheers for anything, but I am very happy with my life the way it is today.
Woody: [incredulous] You mean it?
Dr. Frasier Crane: Yes. That's what makes this conversation so ironic. You see, you see my life as some sort of middle-aged compromise and, well just the other day I was thinking about your life. And all I could think was...
Woody: What?
Dr. Frasier Crane: [Frasier pauses, knowing that telling Woody exactly what he thinks won't help anyone. He then realizes another truth] How lucky you are. You see, you've found where you belong and you've made your home there. I guess for some of us it just takes longer than others.

Haymitch: [referring to Katniss and Peeta] Now, I can sell the star-crossed lovers from District 12.
Katniss: We are NOT star-crossed lovers.
Haymitch: It's a television show, and being in love with that boy might just get you sponsors which could save your damn life.

Bill: [dying] Is that how you say hello where you come from?
Columbus: Oh, my God. Oh, my God, I can't believe I shot Bill Murray.
Tallahassee: Mr. Murray?
Bill: I'm just Bill, I think, now.
Tallahassee: Bill?
Bill: Yeah?
Tallahassee: [pokes at Bill's wound] I don't think we're gonna be able to stitch this.
Bill: Ah. That's still tender.
Tallahassee: You think you might pull through?
Bill: No.
Columbus: If it means anything now, I am so sorry. It was just instinctive.
Bill: It was my bad. I was never a very good practical joker.
Little: So do you have any regrets?
Bill: "Garfield," maybe.

The: You are impressive. Smart as hell. You're stronger than we are. But you're taking this all much too personally. So emotional!

Russell: You got a problem with me?
Harlan: I got a problem with everybody.

Japanese: We know you out there, Yank!
Sergeant: Tojo eats shit!
Japanese: No, Roosevelt eats-a shit!

Man: Come on, boy. Bowl!
Roy: The name's not boy. It's Roy.
[makes a spare]
Roy: Roy Munson.

[On smoking]
Ishmael: You really should try to quit, Mr. Munson. They say it's bad for your heart, your lungs. It quickens the aging process.
Roy: Is that right. Who's done more research on the subject than the good people at the American Tobacco Industry? They say it's harmless. Why would they lie? If you're dead, you can't smoke.

The: Have you come to save your apes?
Caesar: I came for you.

The: We find ourselves on the eve of battle against this beasts, and years from now, you can tell your children: I fought... to protect this world.

Neighbor: Roy, can you get sick drinkin' piss?
Roy: I think you can.
Neighbor: Even if it's your own?

Tallahassee: Come on! Anybody hungry? Tallahassee's nice this time of year!

Tallahassee: [to Columbus] You're thinking about fucking Wichita!
[ignores Columbus' taken-aback "no" gesture]
Tallahassee: Hey, wish granted. She's spent the last twenty-four hours fucking us both.

Tallahassee: Hey, a little help with movin' the couch. We're makin' a fort.

Charlie: What's with your sour fucking puss? I could've just killed you now, couldn't I? You've had your friend killed, and you're just about to have your other friend killed, but that still only makes two friends killed. I've had four of my guys killed, and also my girlfriend killed, who I didn't like much, but that's still five friends killed. That's three more friends killed than you've had friends killed, so don't give me that moany fucking face, okay?