The Best Young Boy #2 Quotes

[Red has just finished telling the boy his version of the Vietnam War]
Reginald: ...and that's what really happened in Vietnam.
Young: [confused] I don't understand.
Reginald: [glumly] Neither do I, kid. Neither do I.
Kitty: Okay, little boy, time to say goodbye to Santa.
[Kitty leads the boy away. The boy turns to her]
Young: What's an "ambush"?
Kitty: [smiles] It's a pretty bush with yellow flowers.
[Red gets up and approaches Kitty]
Reginald: Kitty, I gotta tell ya. I'm good with kids. I really taught him something. Y'know, I think I'm beginning to feel the Christmas spirit.
Kitty: Well, I'm glad Red, but let's try telling a Christmas story where nobody gets caught in a firefight.
[Red turns back and sees Bob sitting in his chair, also dressed like Santa Claus. Bob waves to him]
Reginald: Bob, what the hell are you doing?
Bob: You're depressing the kids. I'm Santa now.
Reginald: Get out of my chair, Bob, or you're gonna get a candy cane up your chimney!
Bob: I'm not moving.
Reginald: [takes off his Santa hat] Kitty, hold my silly red hat.

Reginald: This mall is only big enough for one Santa, Bob.
Bob: Tell ya what. You name five reindeer and I'll step down.
Reginald: I can name five toes that are gonna be in your ass!
Kitty: [annoyed] Oh, for goodness sake! Why don't we stop calling it Christmas and call it "Assmas"?
Bob: [gets up, sighing] Fine, I'll go. I only got worked up because Joanne's gone and Donna's working. The only people I have at home are my two friends, Egg and Nog.
[Red sighs and takes off his Santa suit]
Reginald: Alright, fine. You wanna be Santa, go ahead.
Bob: [sits back] Thanks, Red.
Reginald: Yeah, it's all for the best. I've already eaten about two pounds of fake beard as it is.
[the young boy returns with a cop. He points accusingly at Bob, mistaking him for Red]
Young: There he is! Santa's the one that told me communists hate God.
[confused, Bob looks around]
Reginald: [smiles] Gotta go, Santa!
[Red walks away, without correcting the boy's mistaken identity]
Kitty: Merry Christmas, Bob!
[Kitty walks away]
Kitty: [mumbles angrily] Mrs. Claus needs a drink.
[the cop approaches Bob, who still does not understand what he's been accused of]