50 Best Angela Martin Quotes

Dwight: Ugh, they shouldn't televise any of this. It just encourages copycats.
Angela: Just say copies. Why do you have to drag cats into this?

[Michael doesn't want to come out of his office]
Kevin: He has to come out sometime... to go to the bathroom!
Angela: Kevin, that's inappropriate!

Angela: Will you marry me?
Holly: No.
Michael: That would be hot. I'd pay to see that.

- We can stay a little longer.
- Really?
Angela: Yeah.
Meredith: Yeah. Sure, Michael.
Kelly: Yeah.
- No, this is great. Absolutely.
- Yeah.
- Thanks.

Angela: [Holly overhears Angela talking to Kevin] Listen dummy, it's not that hard! All you have to do is take the numbers from the sales reports and type them into a master spreadsheet. A G.D. monkey could do it, I do not understand why you can't do it.
Holly: [Outraged] No! You do not talk to him like that.
Angela: But he's an idiot.
Kevin: Hey!
Holly: He is not an idiot!
Kevin: Thank you, Holly.
Holly: He is mentally challenged. But he is doing a super job here.
Kevin: [Confused] Wait, back up. Do you think that I'm retarded?
Holly: [Realizing her mistake] Wha... n-no, uh, Dwight...
Angela: Oh Holly, that is very offensive.
Holly: I'm sorry
[She leaves]
Holly: .

Angela: [protesting] Under no circumstances should a man strip off his clothes in this office.
Meredith: [shouts angrily] Shut up, Angela!

Angela: I don't want to blame anyone in particular; I think everyone's to blame.

Andy: Ang... ela.
[Angela gives Andy an annoyed look]
Andy: [singing] Ela, ela, ela. Under my Angerela. Ela, ela, eh, eh, eh.
Angela: [annoyed] What?

Andy: So Jan, tell my intended about the miracle of childbirth.
[Angela rolls her eyes]
Jan: Well actually, I uh, I had a tub birth. That was really, really quite amazing.
Angela: You gave birth in a *tub*?
Jan: Yeah, it's... it's a really nice transition from womb to, to world, you know? Kinda like a big womb...
Kelly: Umm, so you're in the tub with... everything?
Jan: Oh yeah, the afterbirth floats. Yeah.
[smiles]
Creed: Must be like the tide at Omaha Beach.
Jan: Oh no, it's actually really hygienic, Creed.
Creed: [shakes his head] Ugh...
Stanley: I'm done.
[walks out]
Oscar: Me too.
[follows Stanley]

Oscar: So, in order to recoup the value of items we liked, we have to spend more money on things we don't want.
Angela: Who would *ever* come to this?
Michael: I don't know, it could be any number of people. It could be a pedestrian. It could be... uh, old person. I could be a looky-loo. Or, it could be... a Bruce Springsteen fan. What? Who said that? I did. Why did I say that? Oh, I think you know why I said that. I think it is very apparent. I think it goes, without saying... Bear with me. There's a point there. But what is the point? I don't understand what he's saying. It seems a little shady, it seems a little foggy. Well, it's not a little foggy. There's really something going on...
Jim: [interrupts] Do you need us for any of this?
Michael: ...Do I?

Pam: [Asking Angela to play in "Office Olympics"] Come on, Angela, don't you have a game?
Angela: I have one, yes.
Pam: Well, let's play. What is it?
Angela: I call it "Pam-Pong." I count how many times Jim gets up from his desk and goes to reception to talk to you.
Pam: [Uneasy] We're friends.
Angela: Apparently.

Dwight: I can make more sales than a computer. In fact, I challenge that website to make more sales than me today.
Angela: Waste of time.
Michael: What's that, pipsqueak?
Angela: Waste of time. The website's going to win.
Dwight: You believe a computer can beat me?
Angela: I don't care, but yes.
Dwight: Well, I will prove you wrong.
Angela: I don't care, and you won't.
Dwight: You'll see.
Angela: I won't be watching, and I won't.

Michael: Tonight, we are going to have an inventory luau. I want to bring back a little slice of paradise to the Dunder Mifflin Warehouse Inventory. So, Party Planning Committee, get on it.
Angela: By the end of the day? That's impossible.
Michael: The Jamaicans don't have a word for "impossible."
Jim: Yep, it's English. It's "impossible."

Angela: Hey, do you know any men that you can fix me up with? I would like to have a relationship with a man.
Pam: Um, I'll get back to you.
Angela: Let me know.

- to sharpen your decision making.
- Okay, I am not dying here. Come on.
Angela: What is that?
- What is that?
- The fire's shooting at us!
- What in the name of god is going on?
- I'm trying to...

Angela: [deleted scene] I look forward to drug testing. I used to get a runner's high, which is why now I swim.
Meredith: Why would I be worried? I'm not a drug user. I would never abuse my body like that. I mean, they are plenty of other ways to have fun. My body is 100% drug-free.

Angela: Michael, I don't like this game. It's scary.
Michael: It's not scary.
Angela: I don't like my character.
Pam: Who are you?
Angela: Voodoo Mama Juju, the witch doctor of the Savannah swamps. I'm not comfortable with this
[Shows a fake voodoo head]
Angela: .

Bachelorette: Who ordered the man-burger well done?
Bachelorette: Hey, hot stuff. One less fling.
Bachelorette: Come and ride the choo-choo. The sex choo-choo.
Bachelorette: Ever banged an entire bachelorette party, baby?

Angela: [after the burglary] I've never felt safe here.
Andy: You're always safe with me, I'm a very good screamer.

Dwight: Voodoo Mama Juju, explain your dalliance with the dark arts.
Angela: It's not my fault. I was exposed to "Harry Potter."
Dwight: I know you did it!
Dwight: [to the camera crew] I know she didn't do it. It's never the person you most suspect. It's also never the person you least suspect, since anyone with half a brain would suspect them the most. Therefore, I know the killer to be Phyllis, a.k.a. Beatrix Bourbon, the person I most medium suspect.

Michael: Nobody likes to be flashed. When Meredith flashed me at that Christmas party, I nearly vomited.
Meredith: I don't remember doing that!
Angela: What a surprise.

Angela: Rolf, did you not hear me?
Rolf: I don't hear cheaters, tramps or women who break my friend's heart.

Michael: [the members of the office are playing a game of "Who would you do?"] Roy? Who would you do, Roy?
Roy: Oh, I got it. What's the name of that tight-ass Christian chick? The blonde?
Angela: [angrily] My name is Angela.
Roy: [without shame] Hey, Angela.
[gesturing to himself]
Roy: Roy, nice to meet you.
Michael: All right, who's next? Who's next? Who's next? Who's... Jim? You're next. Who would you do?
Jim: [There is an awkward pause] Um, Kevin, hands down.
[the group begins to laugh]
Jim: Yeah, I mean, he's really got that teddy bear thing going on and afterwards we could just watch bowling.
Michael: Well, I would definitely have sex with Ryan,
[the group stops laughing and Ryan makes an uncomfortable expression]
Michael: 'cause he's gonna own his own business.
Roy: [the camera pans to Roy who is the only one left laughing] You're all gay.

Karen: What you're saying is extremely misogynistic.
Michael: Yes. Thank you. That was not necessary, but I appreciated it. And it proves my point. Women can do anything.
Karen: I'm saying that you're being sexist.
Michael: No. I'm being misogynistic. That is insane. I am not being sexist.
Karen: That's the same thing.
Phyllis: Michael.
Michael: Yes.
Phyllis: When I got my hair cut short, you asked me if I was a lesbian.
Michael: Because... That was one possible explanation as to why you got that haircut.
Angela: And when we get mad, you always ask us if we're on our periods.
Michael: I have to know whether you're serious or not.

Dwight: [about their agreement] But not in your bed. It's lumpy.
Angela: Those lumps are cats, and those cats have names. And those names are Amber, Milky Way, Diane, and Lumpy.

[Phyllis, dressed as Santa Claus, is handing out the Secret Santa gifts while Michael, dressed as Jesus, sits sullenly in a chair heckling her with a karaoke machine]
Phyllis: [to Dwight] This just arrived from the Dunder Mifflin North Pole branch.
Dwight: We don't have a North Pole branch, idiot.
[he jumps up and snatches the parcel out of her hands]
Michael: [sarcastic and deadpan] Uh-oh, what's Dwight gonna get? What is it?
Dwight: [opens the parcel to reveal another assembly piece for his gift] YES!
Michael: Oh yes, it's space garbage. Dwight's gonna be able to build himself a friend.
[sing-song]
Michael: Deck the halls with crappy gifts...
Phyllis: [moves to Stanley] And Stanley, ho ho ho! You've been very good this year.
[she hands him a small box]
Stanley: I have.
[he takes the box and opens it]
Michael: Yeah, except for cheating on your wife. Adultery's a sin, look it up in the Bible, people. What'd he get?
Kevin: He got scented candles.
Michael: Oh, well that's appropriate. Lot of fire where you're going, better get used to it. You're going to H-E-L-L double hockeysticks. Going to hell, Stanley.
Angela: Amen!
Phyllis: [moves to Angela and hands her a wrapped parcel] And this brings us to you, little one.
Michael: I can't see from here, people. Somebody shout it out. Don't make me get up.
Angela: [opens the parcel] It's fabric. I really wanted this.
Michael: That's fantastic. You can make another dress that goes past your feet.
Angela: Andy, was this you?
Phyllis: It's a secret. It was a secret.
Michael: No, Andy had... Erin.
Andy: [uncomfortable] That...
Pam: Michael!
Phyllis: You...
[sighs exasperatedly]
Michael: [sarcastically] What, was I not supposed to say...
[Jim shuts off the karaoke machine, cutting Michael off]
Michael: Wha... Turn it back on.
Jim: No.
[Michael drops the microphone, gets out of his chair and petulantly stalks into his office, slamming the door behind him]

Stanley: [on the phone] Go ahead. Get the wallpaper. Wallpaper the ceiling if you want. Call Terri and tell her she...
Phyllis: It's unbelievable!
Dwight: Excuse me! May I have your attention, please? There has been an accident on 84 West. Cars have skidded off the road into the safety railing. Several cars have flipped. There is broken glass everywhere. Several people are injured.
Pam: Do we know anyone who was in the accident?
Dwight: Brad Pitt. Also there will be no bonuses.
Stanley: Why would this affect our bonuses?
Dwight: They are unrelated.
Kelly: Is Brad okay?
Dwight: He will never act again. Also, this branch is closing.
Oscar: What the hell is going on here?
Angela: Are we out of jobs?
Dwight: Yes.
Kelly: This is karma because of what he did to Jennifer Aniston.
Michael: He's kidding. Dwight was kidding, and I don't know why because it wasn't funny... and it was just horrible.
Stanley: Michael?
Michael: Yeah.
Stanley: You said we were getting bonuses.
Michael: All right. Everybody in the conference room now. Let's go. Let's do it.
Stanley: Cancel the wallpaper.

Oscar: Your office is full of genitalia.
Michael: [clears throat] Oh. Eso es lo que dice, el!
Oscar: "That's what he says?"
Michael: Damn it.
[knock on door]
Michael: Ah, Angelo.
Angela: Angela.
[Michael sticks post-it on Angela's forehead with female genitalia]
Angela: Michael!
Michael: Yo soy Cancun.
Angela: [removes post-it, leaves] Uhh!

Michael: If the devil were to explode, and evil were gone forever, what sort of party would you have?
Angela: Michael...
Michael: Like a beach blowout, or a toga, a toga. Toga!

Angela: I have a fiancé I very much like.

Jim: Dwight's room key. And Dwight's room. What can I say? Old habits die hard.
[opens door, sees a woman on the bed]
Angela: D?
Jim: [closes door quickly] Oh, my God! Dwight got a hooker! Oh, my God, I gotta call... Well, I gotta call somebody, I don't even know who to call. Dwight got a hooker!

Michael: Okay, this is what it was. It was these bunch of idiots that had put a fish tank in the ground with no cover and no railing.
Angela: So you fell in.
Michael: No! Maybe I was trying to save a child that had fallen in.
Angela: So a child had fallen in?
Michael: Not yet!

Angela: I'm not gaining anything from this seminar. I'm a professional woman, the head of Accounting. I'm in the healthiest relationship of my life. I just think it's insulting that Jan thinks we need this. And apparently, judging from her outfit, Jan aspires to be a whore.

Angela: The thought of popping one of your beets into my mouth makes me want to vomit.

Angela: [during dinner] How's your meat?
Dwight: Dry. Delicious.

Angela: Those aren't chips and dip.
Pam: No, I made brownies.
[sighs]
Pam: What?
Angela: I'm just trying to figure out why you're sabotaging things.
Pam: [bewildered] I made brownies.
Angela: And I made cookies. Same category.

Angela: I am not going to judge Phyllis for desecrating Christmas. There is one person who will, though, and Phyllis just stuffed him into a drawer.

Kelly: [singing to the tune of "Hollaback Girl"] This day is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S! This day is bananas! B-A-N-A...
Angela: [cut to Angela taking some aspirin] I don't have a headache. I'm just preparing.

[during a "Diversity Day" exercise; Angela is wearing a sign on her forehead that says "Jamaican."]
Kevin: Hey.
Angela: Hey.
Kevin: You wanna go to the beach?
Angela: Sure.
Kevin: You wanna get high?
Angela: No.
Kevin: I think you do, mon.

Angela: Hey! Excuse me! Waitress lady! Hey! Where do you think you're going with that?
Nikki: I thought I could have it.
Angela: No, you can't have it. I don't walk into your house and steal your Hello Kitty backpack.

Angela: I have a nice comforter, a few cozy pillows, I usually read a chapter of a book, and it's lights out by 8:30, and *that's* how I sleep at night.

Angela: [Kelly is just leaving the office Christmas party] You behaved very badly tonight.

Phyllis: I've called every grocery store in Scranton and no one sells whole pigs.
Angela: Did you try the petting zoo?

Dwight: [talking quietly to Angela with Ryan nearby, using code to hide their affair] What about that meeting later to discuss finances?
Angela: Yes. But don't expect any cookie.
Dwight: [slowly whispering] But what if I'm hungry?
Angela: No cookie.

Jim: [to Michael] Do you want to talk in your office?
Angela: No.
Jim: I didn't ask you!

Kevin: [Angela and Phyllis are hanging up a banner for the Launch Party] Isn't 7:00 p.m. a little late for a lunch party?
Angela: [to Phyllis] Lunch party? It's supposed to say "Launch Party." What is wrong with you?
Phyllis: [cuts to confessional] Angela is worse than usual lately, and we have a party to throw, so I googled, "How to deal with difficult people." And I got all of this.
[she holds up a few sheets of paper with information]
Phyllis: So we're gonna try out some new things today.
Phyllis: [it cuts back to the office] So, how do you feel about the fact that the banner says "Lunch"?
Angela: I feel angry. Angry at you. Angry at you for doing something stupid. Angry at me for believing you could do something not stupid.
Phyllis: [Phyllis looks down at the sheets of paper] I'm so sorry to hear that. That must be awful.
Angela: It is awful. You've made this day awful.
Kevin: Maybe you could just change the U into an A.
Angela: Then it would say "Lanch Party," Kevin. Would it really be better if it said "Lanch Party"?

Creed: [talking about Dwight pepper spraying Roy] I remember it was very late at night, like 11:00, 11:30. Big fella comes in screaming about God knows what. I think maybe Halpert had stolen his car, something like that. So the big fella pulls out a sock filled with nickels. Then Cheroot grabs a can of hairspray and a lighter...
Angela: [cuts him off] You're useless.

Angela: I miss him.
Pam: Dwight?
Angela: No, John Denver.
Pam: Ok, it's a good talk.
Angela: Wait, I'm sorry. He's gone because of me. I told him why I would be upset if people knew about us, so he didn't have an alibi for Michael. I denied him.
Pam: I still think there is a way you can explain it to Michael, somehow.
Angela: Pam! I am not like you! Walking around in your provocative outfits, saying whatever thought pops in your head.
Pam: Yeah, that's me.
Angela: [annoyed] Thank you, this was helpful.

Lawyer: I don't follow this exactly. Uh, "The Descendants of any replicants from this union shall have..."
Dwight: Joint custody.
Lawyer: Are we talking about your grandchildren?
Angela: No.
Dwight: No.

Angela: I once reported Oscar to the I.N.S. Turns out, he's clean, but I'm glad I did it.