Top 300 Quotes From American Horror Story

Dr. Oliver Thredson: You've had an incredibly stressful day. I'm going to prescribe a little something to take the edge off.
Lana: I don't want any medicine.
Dr. Oliver Thredson: A big delicious glass of wine.
Lana: Well, that doesn't sound half bad.
Dr. Oliver Thredson: White or red?
Lana: Red.

Tate: You're doing it wrong. If you're trying to kill yourself, cut vertically. They can't stitch that up.
Violet: How'd you get in here?
Tate: If you're trying to kill yourself, you might also wanna try locking the door.

Dr. Arthur Arden: How did you get in here?
Pepper: I go where Grace goes. I've been charged to protect her.
Dr. Arthur Arden: Have you? You can't even protect yourself. They may have given you speech, Pepper. Even a parrot can be taught to mimic. But did they give you the capacity to think? I sincerely doubt it. Tell me, Polly- What did they put inside her?
Pepper: I won't tell you anything.
Dr. Arthur Arden: If you're not going to tell me then I'll just have to find out for myself, won't I?
Pepper: X-rays will harm the life growing inside of her.
Dr. Arthur Arden: That's a chance I'm willing to take.
Pepper: Stupid man. You think they'd allow you to continue your barbaric practice? She's protected. Your X-rays won't penetrate her body. You'll see nothing. Oh, but they've been watching you. You think you're like them, with your clumsy experiments. But they laugh at you, Dr. Arden. They make jokes. Here's a good one. Knock, knock. Who's there? Arden. Arden who? Arden you the quack who'd make a better duck?
[laughs]
Dr. Arthur Arden: Huh. Well, if taking X-rays won't work... perhaps more invasive observation will. I think her condition calls for an emergency C-section, don't you?
Pepper: You can't do that.
Dr. Arthur Arden: Watch me.
[Scalpel flies out of his hand and clatters on the floor]
Pepper: Dr. Arden, you still see me as microcephalic. No one takes a pinhead seriously. When my sister's husband drowned her baby and sliced his ears off, he told everyone I did it. They tied me up and paraded me in front of the judge. He took one look at the shape of my head, and I was locked up for good. That's how it works with us freaks. We get blamed for everything. But if something happens to Grace in here, and she's harmed in *any* way, there won't be anyone else to blame. They'll take you, open up your head... and stir your brain with a fork. Then, when you return, you'll experience firsthand how people treat us freaks. I'll take care of Grace. Why don't you go to your whore nun, have her soothe your deflated ego.

Madame: I don't care what kind of monster anybody says I am. I loved my girls... in my own way. Even the ugly one. The moment she came out of my belly, she was a shame to me. She had the face of a damn hippo, but I loved her just the same. Hell is real. I've seen it down in that box. Time disappears. The only thing that's left is what's in your mind's eye. And all mine saw were the faces of my girls. Forever.

Zoe: You can't smoke in here, Madison.
Madison: Why don't you go tell someone? Ugh, sick people really gross me out.

Queenie: Why don't you just do the world a favor and take an acting class, you D-list Botox bimbo!

Twisty the Clown: I'm a good clown.

Spalding: These are my last words, Miss Fiona. I have always loved you.

Zoe: You left your lives and came all the way across to country just to puss out now? If this is all the fight we have left in us at the end of our race, witches deserve to die.

Marie: I don't have time to argue with you. Either you're with me or against me. And if it's the latter, you best stay out of my way.

Nora: [to Ben] You're a disgrace. Is that all the fight you have left in you? How can you allow that ghoul to take the only thing that gives your pathetic life any meaning at all? Hold still.
[unbinds Ben's wrists]
Nora: I will not permit another failure in this house. Save the baby.

Cordelia: I have half a mind to enchant the locks after you leave.
Fiona: [laughs] Don't make me drop a house on you.

Fiona: She's taken out both eyes?
Myrtle: The blue eye, the brown eye. Some of my best work, between us pigeons, all gone.
Fiona: Why?
Myrtle: Because your daughter has become something you will never understand, Fiona. She's a hero. Your girl has ripped her own eyes straight out of her skull for one reason only: to protect the coven.
Fiona: From what? Huh? I'll take care of the Witch Hunters. And when I do... This coven will have no more enemies.
Myrtle: No enemies on the outside perhaps, but danger lurks within these blanched walls. Everyone knows it. She sacrificed her eyes to regain the second sight. And woe to those among us who harbor bad thoughts.
Fiona: I have no secrets.
Myrtle: Then, by all means, go to her. Comfort her. Put motherly hands upon your wounded daughter's flesh and watch your filthy secrets be brought to light, laid bare. "No secrets." Shame on you, Fiona. I deserve better lies than that. You are an enemy to this coven and will be so long as you live. But Cordelia has your number, Slim.
Fiona: Go to hell, Myrtle Snow.
Myrtle: For what? Allowing you to see your daughter?
Fiona: I'll be back. I just need a drink. Steady my nerves.
Myrtle: See you soon.

The: I love you more than jazz, baby doll.

Nora: Damn it, Charles. Are you down in the basement again? Charles?
Charles: For God's sake, I'm working!
Nora: Working. I wish. Now come upstairs for dinner, you've made us wait five whole minutes.
Charles: [rips the bat wing off the baby pig corpse he had sewn it on to] You've ruined it.

Vivien: What are you doing?
Ben: Am I dreaming?

Gladys: Can't you girls just leave her alone? What ever did she do to you?
Gigi: She refused to pray for my sins.
Gladys: I hope you get the clap!

Madison: I need a cigarette.

The: Don't think so dirty, pussycat!

Dr. Ben Harmon: I didn't do anything. You heard it on the tape. She did it to herself.
Detective: [dryly] Right. It's not a crime to be an asshole.

Patrick: This is all bullshit! What we've become is bullshit! I don't give a shit about carving pumpkins! I want passion! Love! I want to be in a relationship with a man, not Martha Stewart! I can't believe this is who we've become. Hallow-queens arguing over pumpkins! We wanted to have a baby. We were going to have this... great life!

Gladys: [refering to Gigi] What's her problem? She forget her diaphragm or something?
Maria: You can still get the clap with a diaphragm, you know.

Constance: [hands Moira a piece of the Harmons' silverware] Do me a favor and polish this up before I take it, won't you? It's cruddy with corrosion, and do you know why? Because you *are* a shitty maid.

Madison: Well, that was a morbid field trip.
Zoe: Queenie's dead.
Madison: We don't know that. They haven't released the names. She could be at the Souplantation, you know how much that bitch loves a bottomless bowl. Should we go to the morgue?
Zoe: No.
Madison: For witches, you guys are *such* squares.

Cordelia: I don't have a broom.
Fiona: That's ironic.

Violet: Both of you kind of make me want to kill myself.

Fiona: You're missing the point.
Madison: What's the point?
Fiona: The point is in this whole wide wicked world the only thing you have to be afraid of is me.

Marie: I barely remember my baby's face. So when I look at this child, I feel like she mine. But Papa's coming. He needs the soul of an innocent.
Fiona: Well, perhaps we can... kill two birds with one stone.

Fiona: [voiceover] Meningeal carcinomatosis. That's what the doctor called it. Tiny seedlings that the cancer planted in the lining of my spine. The little bastards are Satan's diet pill. I used to think I understood pain. A burn, a cut, a broken bone. Heartbreak... But this is as if I've been dipped in the River Styx and all the suffering of all the souls that ever were or will be has soaked my body. My body doesn't belong to me - not that I'd want it in this state. I'm starting to look less Samantha and more Endora every day. And what could be more painful than having to tell your child that you're going to die? They say love is the best medicine.

Madame: Yeah! I kept my eyes shut tight the entire time, vile negress. I didn't see a bit of it.
Queenie: I'm not surprised. You kept your eyes closed your entire life. You can't keep your ears closed though. Not without no hands to cover them.
Madame: What is that heinous caterwauling?
Queenie: Something my grandma used to listen to. If this doesn't touch your soul, you don't have one.
Madame: When will my perdition end?
Queenie: When you learn something. You're one stubborn old lady head, you know.

Hayden: Grow a pair. She's not into you. You're not getting back in her, she'll never talk to you again
Tate: I'll wait... forever if I have to.

Constance: [fuming] That girl has got another cupcake coming.

Cordelia: Why are there roses in here?
Fiona: I thought you might enjoy them. They're the very last of your heirlooms.
Cordelia: Roses pull in love and romance. That's not what I'm looking for right now. I need chrysanthemums. All kinds of them, for strength and protection.

Cordelia: Wow. I had no idea the Council would be joining us today.
[whispers]
Cordelia: How screwed am I?
Myrtle: Mm, just breathe.

The: When I see fit, I shall come again and claim other victims. I alone, know who they shall be. I shall leave no clue, except, my bloody axe. Undoubtedly, you Orleanians think of me as a most horrible murderer... for which I am! But, I could be much worse if I wanted too. At will, i could slay thousands of your best citizens, for I am in close relationship with the Angel of Death.

Tate: I kill people I like.

John: I mean, just because you got 30 bodies buried in your crawl space don't mean you can't have a really terrific rec room and be a respectable businessman.

James: There are places in my murder palace that have sat in cold neglect for far too long. You can put them to good use, old boy.
Tristan: I'm listening.

Larry: I'm a man of uniquely developed appetites.

Hayden: I am *not* a whore, Ben! I matter! I *MATTER*!

Marie: What you doing?
Nan: I heard it crying.
Marie: That's impossible! That closet was... Oh. You the clairvoyant.
Nan: You stole this baby to kill it.
Marie: You don't know what you talking about. Now give it here.
Nan: Eat my shit. I'm the next Supreme. I just killed the woman next door with my powers just now, and I will kill you.
Fiona: What is going on here?
Marie: Oh! She say she the next Supreme. Say she done kilt the neighbor lady!
Fiona: Oh, great. Now we'll have more cops on our trail. Whose baby is that?
Marie: Mine. Check the skin tone.
Nan: She stole it. She's gonna kill it.
Marie: This girl is out of line.
Fiona: Nan, hand the baby back to her, or I'll make you do it. Now leave.
Nan: You have blood on your hands. The both of you.
Marie: Now, that girl is dangerous.
Fiona: Yes, she is.

Sister: If you look in the face of evil, evil's gonna look right back at you.

Lana: I'm goddamn plucky, remember?

Lana: I think it's just through that door.
Kit: Grace.
Grace: Come on. Lana knows a way out.
Lana: No. He can't come with us. Get away from us.
Kit: I read what you wrote about me. I'm not a killer or a psychopath.
Lana: You're a liar. Get away from us.
Grace: Stop. I'm not leaving without him.
Lana: I am not setting him loose so he can kill again.
Grace: You're wrong. We'll go find the way out ourselves.
Lana: [shouting] Help! He's escaping! The killer is escaping! Help me! In the hallway! He's trying to get out!

Madison: You wanna be my slave tonight?
Archie: What's in it for me?
Madison: Are you stupid? Slaves get nothing. Now why don't you get me another drink.

Zoe: Madison can't be the Supreme.
Nan: She's selfish and she's a whore.
Zoe: I didn't realize this before, but we can't survive on our own. The sisterhood protects each of us.
Nan: If I was the Supreme, I would only do good.
Zoe: I believe that. You don't have a mean bone in your body. Maybe you're the kind of leader we need.

Fiona: This coven doesn't need a new Supreme. It needs a new rug.

Cordelia: The Sacred Taking is a ritual used in times of crisis to ensure the survival of the coven. It has been invoked three times in our history. The first, during the Salem Witch Trials in 1692. The coven had decided to flee south, away from Salem and the persecution of the Court of Oyer and Terminer. The reigning Supreme at that time, Prudence Mather, suffered from consumption, and knew she would be too weak to make the journey. She gathered her witches and invoked the Sacred Taking. It's the most hallowed sacrifice a Supreme can make. Prudence took her own life, which allowed a new Supreme to rise and lead them to safety.

Fiona: Who let this charcoal briquette back in? Oh, sweet Jesus.
Myrtle: He gets no credit. It was I who restored our beloved Cordelia.
Fiona: You're not witch enough to pull off something this delicate.
Myrtle: Oh, but you're wrong. I'm more witch now than I ever was, and I've got you to thank, Fiona. Being burned at the stake was an empowering experience. There are secrets in the flames, and I came back with more than a few.
Fiona: You couldn't find two that matched? Why do they look so familiar?
Myrtle: The generous donors wish to remain anonymous.

Sister: I've dealt with bigger monsters than you, Dr Arden. Let me give you fair warning: I'll always win against the patriarchal male.
Dr. Arthur Arden: Bully for you.

Cordelia: Go to hell.
The: Ladies first.

Madame: They took my babies, you know? Hung 'em in straight line right up there. My husband, too. Him, I didn't care about. I'd been planning on killing him for weeks. Poison in his buckwheat.

Vivien: Miguel. It's time for you to open your eyes and see what this place is, what it can do.
Lorraine: I need someone to feel my pain.
Moira: Let me lead you.

Hugo: You want a new Camaro? We got a new shipment in yesterday.

Dell: You want me to kill one of my own?
Stanley: I weep from your sudden sentimentality.

Madison: What have you been up to?
Zoe: Nothing. Do you mind? I need to get dressed.
Madison: No, I don't mind... but you do.
Zoe: What are we talking about?
Madison: Come on, Zoe. What you walked in on before.
Zoe: It's none of my business.
Madison: You brought the dude back from the dead. You must like him a little.
Zoe: We brought you back too.
Madison: Starting to wish you hadn't?
Zoe: Look, it's not like we can be together anyways.
Madison: Why not? It's going to be different with Kyle. He already died once. It's going to take more then that "thing" between your legs to kill him.
Zoe: Don't be disgusting.

Constance: I also remember, every time I see that ghostly eye, that I was - and continue to be - a hell of a *shot*.

Madame: They defaced my home with a plaque. "The House of Madame LaLaurie. A Historical site." My home- a museum of horrors.
Fiona: People have always celebrated the macabre. You're not remembered fondly, but I guess that beats not being remembered at all.
Madame: I was a woman of my time.
Fiona: Hmm. That is a crock of shit. You've got a mean streak wider than your backside, or a sickness of the mind. Either way, if ten of the hundreds of things I have read about you are true, then you deserved every minute down there under all that dirt.

The: You are so beautiful.
Fiona: You're just a fool in love. You like the way I look? Take a picture. A month from now, I'll be a balding and toothless skeleton.
The: So run away with me. Paris. Rome. Marrakesh. We can spend that month together.
Fiona: I don't want you watching me decay.
The: Are you scared?
Fiona: I'm not scared of dying. I'm scared of living like this. The constant pain and the ugliness.
The: You ever consider making it stop?
Fiona: No. I wouldn't give anyone the satisfaction of me killing myself. I'll stay alive just to spite them. You know, the only reason my cancer is moving so fast and my hair's falling out like dead weight, is because one of those girls is coming into her own. Flexing her muscle. I just have to figure out which one of those little pecker-heads it is.

Constance: It's sage. For cleansing spirits. Too many bad memories here...

Ben: People tell stories to cope with their fears. All art and myths are just creations to give us a sense of control over things we're scared of. Afraid of dying? Create reincarnation. Afraid of evil? Create a benevolent god who sends evil doers to hell.

Tate: Something's changed in you Violet. You're distant, cold.

The: Well, hello pretty lady. What you drinking?
[last lines]
The: They have never seen me, "for I am invisible, "even as the ether which surrounds your earth.
[first lines]

Spalding: The black devil who is responsible for your unending torment is sheltered right under this very roof, treated like an honored guest.
Madame: Don't I know it. They got me waiting on her hand and foot.
Spalding: It's wrong!
Madame: It's more than wrong. It's a violation of the natural order.

Ben: Guns.
Tate: Obviously.
Ben: And then?

Ethel: You know what your problem is, Jimmy? You're stuck on the rosy notion that the world operates on goodness, decency. Truth is - all goodness guarantees ya is an early grave. But the biggest joke of all - the thing that'll sink ya every time is hope. Hope that the world will right itself. That the just will be rewarded and the wicked punished. Oh, once you buy into that horseshit, you're dead in the water. The only way to survive in this disgusting godforsaken world is to take control. Ain't nobody gonna take care of our people but us.

Constance: I'm a good christian, but Jesus H. Christ.

Cordelia: Why didn't you tell me?
Fiona: What? What? What did you see?
Cordelia: Auntie Myrtle.
[crying]
Fiona: I wanted to tell you, Delia, but you were in so much pain, and I didn't want to add to it.
Cordelia: Burned at the stake.
Fiona: Yes. For what she did to you, yes.
Cordelia: No. That cannot be.
Fiona: I'm sorry you had to find out this way. I think it's best if I let you be alone for awhile.

Fiona: Any last words?
Myrtle: You're all a bunch of little toads in a pot that Fiona is slowly bringing to a boil. You won't even feel it until it's too late. I'd rather burn than boil.

Violet: It's been insane here. First the cops were outside and some freak started banging on the door screaming about money.
Tate: Shit like that does tend to go down on Halloween. Probably just asshole kids. It's fine now, I'm here.
[gives her a black rose]
Tate: I painted it black, I know how you don't like normal things.
Violet: You're the first boy that ever gave me a flower. Thank you, I love it.

Constance: Don't make me kill you again.

Misty: Oh, you probably have no idea where you are. Hmm. You've been through a terrifying ordeal, but you came back. You're safe now.
Myrtle: Not likely, my dear. There's a man in the woods with a gun circling the shack. I saw the assassin when he nearly stepped on my face.
Misty: Do you hear that?
Myrtle: No.
Misty: The cicadas have stopped singing.

Pandora: Johnny. Don't let that bitch ruin our whole night. Now, look at me. I have a rockin' body and a titty full of milk. Let me help you forget about her.

The: When I see fit, I shall come again and claim other victims. I alone, know who they shall be. I shall leave no clue, except, my bloody axe. Undoubtedly, you Orleanians think of me as a most horrible murderer... for which I am! But, I could be much worse if I wanted too. At will, i could slay thousands of your best citizens, for I am in close relationship with the Angel of Death.

The: Well, hello pretty lady. What you drinking?
[last lines]
The: They have never seen me, 'for I am invisible' even as the ether which surrounds your earth.
[first lines]

Cordelia: [to Fiona] The only way out is through. So, feel the fear and the pain. Let it all in and then let it all go.

Papa: Come, child.
Nan: Do I have to wear this outfit for all eternity?
Papa: Not at all. You will find the other side is filled with treats for a girl like you.
Nan: Anywhere is better than here.

Fiona: You got any last words?
Harrison: Go to hell, witch bitch.

Joan: You stay away from my boy.
Madison: Hmm, good luck keeping him away from me. He's so backed up all I'd have to say is "panties" and he'd jizz his jeans.

Madame: That magic box lies. Somebody... somebody in there... they just said that... that-that... Negro... is the President of the United States.
Fiona: I voted for him. Twice. We've also had black secretaries of states, Supreme Court justices, and even the poet laureate.
Madame: [hissing] Lies!

Cordelia: Goddamn it! Could people please not move things? Some of us are blind!

Adelaide: You're going to die in there.
Troy: Shut your mouth or we're gonna kick your ass!
Bryan: We got bats.

Madison: I'm a huge Eminem fan. When's he get here?
Fiona: Marshall? You're not his type. And more importantly... You're not the next Supreme.

Sally: [after Ben presses the "Record" button on his tape recorder] He's going through with it and there's nothing I can do to stop him. We're supposed to sign the papers next week and that's it. 23 years gone with the stroke of a pen. I'm so upset. And I wonder if I'll ever be able to love or be loved again.
Dr. Ben Harmon: What was the reason your husband is seeking the divorce?
Sally: He says I'm very boring. I've tried to converse with him on a variety of subjects. Sports, for instance. I've even learned the names of Football teams he follows. Let's see; there's the Chargers, the 49ers, the Raiders, the Sea Hawks up in Seattle. That's the West Coast. And the Cardinals, they're in Arizona. I memorized them for him. I'm very good at memorization. I can still name the states and all of their capitols which I learned in the 6th grade. My memory helps with my work. I'm an accountant by trade, but I'm branching out into taxes.
[All this time, Ben goes from listening to spacing out due to Sally's boring rambling]

Borquita: Who would ever suspect foul play from the grieving daughters of their beloved mother's untimely death?
Pauline: You are wicked, Borquita.

Billie: I had to go blind to see things about you, I couldn't see before. A bad cosmic joke. It's a different kind of clarity, an absolute clarity, I've never had. The images almost vibrate with light.

Amazon: [Dell's trying to kill her] Are you trying to get with me?
Dell: [after she beats the tar out of him] Okay, okay, uncle!
Amazon: [throws him out of her trailer] Who's the strongman now?

Madison: Owww! Stop it, you bitch!
Queenie: Stop what? I don't feel nothin', I'm a human voodoo doll!

Constance: My womb was cursed. My husband was the spitting image of Van Johnson. Our combined beauty was an affront to the gods!

Vivien: Don't you ever get tired of cleaning up other people's messes?
Moira: We're women, it's what we do. I just get paid for it.

Tate: What do you want?
Constance: I wanted to see you... are you feeling any better?
[Tate gives no response]
Constance: Are the visits with the good doctor helping you?
Tate: Yeah. We're really getting to the root of my problem. Turns out, I hate my mother.

Lana: No more death. No more.

Flabby: Yo. The medium buckets is supposed to have eight pieces, this one has only seven.
Queenie: My name is not "Yo." It's Queenie. And you must've miscounted because I packed that basket myself.
Flabby: Well you must've got a "D" in math 'cause there's only seven pieces.
Queenie: Actually, sir, I got an "A" in math. All of them. Calculus, trig, Advanced algebra.
Flabby: Is that so?
Queenie: Mm-hmm.
Flabby: Look, I'm sure you're a genius, just give me an extra piece of chicken and I'll be done here.
Queenie: Look, Pencil Dick, I'm not stupid, okay? You ate that extra piece, and now you want a freebie.
Flabby: I'd like to speak to the manager, stupid fat ass.
Queenie: What did you call me?
Flabby: Get the manager!
Queenie: I *am* the manager!

Dandy: I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!

Violet: And the worst thing is my mom had like this brutal miscarriage a year earlier. We had to have this macabre funeral. Have you ever seen a baby coffin before?

Constance: [in a whisper] Is there anything more wonderful than the promise of a new child. Or more heartbreaking when that promise is broken.

Tate: I like birds, too.
Violet: Why do you like them?
Tate: Because they can fly away when things get too crazy, I guess.

Chad: I feel like I'm doomed for all of eternity to be trapped in an unhappy, adulterous relationship, working on this goddamn house. Which will never be just the way I want it.
Moira: You are.

Queenie: I sure do love chicken pot pie. For dessert you can make me a peach cobbler.
Madame: You never gonna catch a man that way. Let alone find one to love you. You were my daughter, I'd padlock that icebox and throw away the key. Peach cobbler wont keep you warm at night.
Queenie: My problem ain't food, you dumb bitch. It's love. Dr. Phil says that kids from broken homes use food to replace love. It's comforting.
Madame: Well, I think you best look for a new physician.

Myrtle: Come in Zoe, sit down. I have something for you. Good God, chickie, don't look at it! You'll be blinded by the sheer craftsmanship.
Zoe: Um... okay. What is it?
Myrtle: My only possession of value. A sapphire and topaz harvester ant made for me by Joel Arthur Rosenthal, the Fabergé of our time. The harvester ant is one of *the* most venomous creatures in the world, along with Fiona, and JAR - as the world knows my dear Joel - toiled on it for months.
Zoe: Do you want me to wear it?
Myrtle: You could never pull it off, darling. Only Lee Radziwill and myself could do it justice. Now listen to me carefully: I want you to hock it in case of emergency.
Zoe: I'm completely lost here.
Myrtle: You're leaving this coven, Zoe. And you're taking Kyle with you.
Zoe: I do love Kyle, Myrtle... But I'm not leaving.
Myrtle: I watched you and Kyle together at Nan's funeral. Such a pair. So much in love. As the great Keats would say, "More happy love! More happy, happy love! Forever warm and still to be enjoyed. Forever panting and forever young." I had a love like that once. Egon von Furstenberg. He dumped me, but everything worked out all right in the end. You know why? because he went on to marry the divine Diane. And without Egon's support, Diane von Furstenberg never would have created the greatest invention of the century, the wrap dress! If you stay here, your life is in grave danger.
Zoe: I can handle Madison.
Myrtle: She'd slit your throat then sleep like a baby. I understand Madison. The depth of her cynicism. Go. You and Kyle. Run away together and start your life over.
Zoe: I'm committed to this coven.
Myrtle: So was I, and I burned at the stake for it.
Zoe: What if I'm the next Supreme?
Myrtle: All the more reason to run. If Madison doesn't end you, Fiona will. Zoe... you have a boy that loves you.
Zoe: Because he's damaged goods.
Myrtle: [slaps] How dare you be so unromantic and so very, very selfish. Our dear Cordelia plucked her eyes out to protect this coven, and you have the gall to ignore my words of warning and support? Now... take these tickets to Epcot and my JAR jewels and pack your bags.

Madison: I am a millennial. Generation Y. Born between the birth of AIDS and 9/11, give or take. They call us the Global Generation. We are known for our entitlement and narcissism. Some say it's because we're the first generation where a kid gets a trophy just for showing up. Others think it's because social media allows us to post every time we fart or have a sandwich for all the world to see. But it seems that our one defining trait is a numbness to the world, an indifference to suffering.

Fiona: Now, listen up, Miss Pittypat. If you scream, I'm gonna put you right back in the ground where I found you. You understand? Hmm?
Madame: Help!
Fiona: [Slaps] Shut up! Shut up! I want you to tell me right now, how it is you're still alive after all these years and not some moldering corpse.

Spalding: Finally. A living doll. All my own.

Constance: Now, who wants to say grace?
Tate: Oh, Mother, may I?
Larry: Oh, of course, son. I was hoping you would choose to become a part of this family.
Tate: Dear God, thank you for the salty pig meat we are about to eat, along with the rest of the indigestible swill. And thank you for our new charade of our family. My father ran away when I was only six. If I'd have known any better, I would have joined him. And, also... because she's been trying to get back into this house ever since she lost it, Lord, a big thank you for blinding the asshole that's doing my mother, so that he can't see what everybody knows. She doesn't really love him.
Adelaide: Amen.

Madame: My youngest, Pauline, well, her major talent has yet to reveal itself.
Pauline: Perhaps my talent is in the boudoir, mother dear.
Madame: I guess we'll find out on your wedding night, mon petit.

The: He's full of rage. I can still smell it. Like copper.

Queenie: [on Ouija board answer] Axeman! Stop! Stop! Stop! If survival is so important to you, you better find out who you're talking too!

Tate: Close your eyes and remember everything is gonna be okay. I love you.
[leads Violet closer to her body]
Tate: Open your eyes.
Violet: [cries as she sees her dead body] What? No!
Tate: [flashback] Don't you die on me! Violet!
[flashback ends]
Violet: I died when I took all those pills.
Tate: [nods] I tried to save you... I did. I tried to make you throw them up. You threw up some, not enough.
[Violet cries]
Tate: You took so many, Violet. You died crying. I held you. You were safe. You died... loved.
Tate: I hardly feel anything.
Tate: I didn't want you to find out this way, Violet. You or your parents. I had this idea that if you chose to die... with me... you wouldn't be so sad. I never wanted you to see this. I'm so sorry, Violet.

Queenie: Look, I've been taking care of myself for a really long time, so I'm not sure I need some white girl sorority sisters to cover my ass. And what is this green shit?
Zoe: It's not a sorority. It's a coven. And this is absinthe, drink of the divine. Which we are.

Nora: I was wrong about you, Charles. You are a genius.
Charles: How long I've waited to hear you say that. All I wanted was to prove myself.
Nora: How on earth did you do it?
Charles: I used the beating heart from one of our girls.
[Chuckles]
Nora: Amazing.
Charles: Nora? Where's the baby?
Nora: I thought he was hungry. I tried to nurse him, but... it wasn't milk he was craving. We're damned, Charles. Because of what we did to those girls. Those poor, innocent girls... and their babies. That thing upstairs- it's not human. I tried to kill it.
Charles: No.
Nora: I tried. I stabbed it with a letter opener... but it clung to life, Charles.
Charles: No! I finally succeeded at something.
Nora: We'll alert the media at once! Hold a press conference.
Charles: You would do that? For me?
Nora: Of course. I'm proud of you, Charles. You are a man, after all.

Sister: Here, you will repent for your crimes to the only judge that matters: the Almighty God.
Kit: There is no God. Not a God who would create the things I saw.
Sister: Your story about little green men? That won't do here.
Kit: They weren't human. They were monsters.
Sister: All monsters are human. You're a monster.

Witch: [on the Axeman - 1919] This is an outrage. This madman is holding our city hostage to his twisted whim.
1919: Millie, do you think playing the Victrola will suffice? Come Tuesday evening, a jazz ensemble in New Orleans will be more precious than the Hope Diamond.
1919: We can choose jazz songs from my collection of phonographs.
Lady Reading Newspaper: Why should we do anything to appease this Axeman?
Witch: Because he kills women with an axe!
1919: Do I have to remind you? He says, "One thing is certain "and that is some of those persons who do not jazz it on Tuesday night will get the axe.
1919: Witch No. 3: His prose could use refinement but we get the point.
1919: Witch No. 2: If we don't play jazz music Tuesday night...
Lady Reading Newspaper: ...We're inviting an attack... it could not be more clear Sister. The real question is, what are we to do? Ladies, we have been docile too long. We are powerful, even though none of you have yet to believe it. Not only are we descendents of Salem but we are suffragettes. We're on the verge of our greatest victory, giving us the equal right to vote. If we embody our feminine might, intelligence with grace, strength with an iron will, no man can make us cower in our home.

Fiona: So where is this gifted little swamp witch that everyone's been talking about?

Fiona: Oh, Spalding. I must confess, I've always enjoyed our little talks together. Particularly since you lost your tongue. It makes you seem... wiser, somehow. More thoughtful.

Cordelia: Could you please stop playing for a minute? I need to focus.
Myrtle: No, no, no. Sit. Listen to the celestial tones.
Cordelia: What is that thing? It's hideous and weird.
Myrtle: Don't be a hater, dear. It's a theremin. I cannot tell you how playing this instrument soothes my soul in tempestuous times.
Cordelia: Nothing could soothe my soul. I have nothing to offer this coven anymore. Who am I? What do I do?
Myrtle: You buck up is what you do! Face reality headlong and carry on.
Cordelia: But how? I have no one, and my powers are gone.
Myrtle: Your salad dressing is absolutely magical. Maybe you could bottle it. Cordelia's Conjured Coriander Condiment. Or if you'd like a little getaway, maybe a job as a hostess on a cruise ship. You've got a lovely personality, and you're always well-groomed.
Cordelia: Myrtle, are you trying to push me over the edge?
Myrtle: I'm trying to give you une demi tasse de realite, darling. Let's be honest. Living in Fiona's shadow is a challenge. What are your options when your mother's Hillary Clinton? Between us chickens, no matter how hard I worked at it, I never felt special, either. But with my reemergence from the flames - look at me, I'm fabulous! Reinvigorated! One never knows what the universe has in store for us!
Cordelia: Oh, stop! Stop talking! You are insane! My God! I am an absolute failure! Everything that Fiona says is true! I don't belong here anymore. I don't belong anywhere!

Marie: You think it's so easy. Stroll in here and expect we gonna fix this truce?
Fiona: Oh, to hell with the truce. What I'm looking for is an alliance. Your tribe, my coven, joined.
Madame: Are you insane?
Marie: Uh! What the head said!
Fiona: [to LaLaurie] I told you to shut up!
Madame: You can't make a deal with a darkie! You can't trust 'em as far as you can spit. Like I told the governor.
Fiona: [stuffs a crumpled piece of paper in LaLaurie's mouth] Shut up!

Dr. Arthur Arden: Hello, Mr. Walker. I'm Dr. Arthur Arden. I run this institution.
Kit: I thought Sister Jude ran this place.
Dr. Arthur Arden: So does she.

Jed: Tell me... about the little girl in blue, Judy. The young girl, the innocent. And you so drunk, you couldn't find your way home.
[Devilish laughter]
Missy: You never even bothered to get out of the car.
Jed: You are a murderer, Judy. You're a murderer! Murderer! Murderer!
Sister: Shut up! You shut up! Shut up! Liar!
[Slaps Jed multiple times across the face]
Jed: Yeah, hit me harder!
Sister: No!
Monsignor: Don't listen to him!
Jed: That's right, Father. Protect your whore. It's you she thinks of when she touches herself at night.
Sister: You're a liar!
Jed: [Cackles] Oh, yes. Protect your whore.

Madison: Zoe, look around this room. Okay, what do you see?
Zoe: Tragedy.
Madison: I see potential. Look, nice legs over here. A great set of guns.
[chuckles]
Madison: I wonder if he's a show-er or a grower.
Zoe: What's your point, Madison?
Madison: We take the best boy parts, we attach them to Kyle's head, and we build the perfect boyfriend.
Zoe: Is this just a joke to you?
Madison: No, it's a challenge. All we have to do is follow this recipe. Find me a saw.

[Violet falls asleep after overdosing on sleeping pills. The scene cuts to Tate dragging her down the hall]
Tate: [crying] Don't you die on me, Violet! No, don't you die!
[He drags her into the bathroom]
Tate: Don't you die on me!
[He turns the shower on]
Tate: Violet!
[He sticks his fingers down Violet's throat. She wakes up, throwing up the sleeping pills. When she sees Tate, she begins to cry]
Tate: [whispering] It's okay...
[He kisses her neck as they both continue to cry]

The: We have two selves. One the world needs us to be, compliant, and the shadow. Ignore it and life is forever suffering.

Tate: Seriously, though, are you ready for all this? I mean, you never struck me as the diapers and midnight feedings type.
Patrick: Maybe you should have taken a few minutes to get to know me before you stuck a fireplace poker up my ass.
Tate: Fair enough.

Constance: I got your flowers.
[Chuckles]
Constance: They smelled of the gas station where you bought them. Red roses? Could you be more of a pathetic, cheap cliche?

Young: They say when a new Supreme starts to flower, the old Supreme begins to fade. You've been fading, Anna-Lee.
Anna: Shall I show you my power?
Young: You're weak, Anna-Lee. We both know why. Diabetes, heart trouble, liver failure, God knows what else. As I get stronger, you get weaker.
Anna: [Slaps] You vicious little gash. I've seen the ruin you will bring this coven if you are allowed to take power now. You're a selfish, craven little child, Fiona. And I will make it my mission to ensure that you will never take the throne. I'll see you burn in hell first.
Young: Fine, save me a spot.
[cuts Anna-Lee's throat]

Travis: Look, uh, would you mind finishing yourself? I really gotta go. I mean, I can't leave it like this with Constance.
Hayden: You're kidding me? I thought you said you hated her.
Travis: Nah, I guess I love her. And we got a baby coming.
Hayden: A baby what? Fossil?

Madison: Oh, what have we here, a romantic bubble bath?
Zoe: I was trying to figure out what happened to Nan.
Madison: Ugh.
Zoe: Don't you care at all?
Madison: Have you met me?
Zoe: Misty was right. We should have let you rot.

Tate: I was afraid by big dick wouldn't work. Yeah, that's why I didn't take the meds, because I met someone.

Myrtle: Can you imagine those poor Salem witches, traveling all the way down here in covered wagons without a proper charcuterie platter or a bidet? Absolutely savage!

Zoe: Do you think Fiona can fix it?
Madison: You're such a Goddamn idiot. I can't believe you told them everything. I'm supposed to be cleaning up my act! When this gets out, I'm screwed!
Zoe: Who cares? This is murder, like multiple murders!
Madison: They're not gonna find any evidence that we messed with the bus because we did not mess with the bus! What did you do to that shit dick in the hospital, though?
Fiona: [Fiona comes in, angry] Idiots.
[She telekinetically throws Madison and Zoe up against the wall and they come crashing down, landing on the floor]
Fiona: Have you any idea what's going on out there? Now, I forgave your ham-handed mass murder business with the bus over exuberance of youth and all that, but if you haven't got the Goddamn brains to know that when strangers come asking questions, we close ranks, then I fear our line is truly at an end.
Zoe: But they knew so much already.
Fiona: I COULDN'T TOAST A PIECE OF BREAD with the heat they were putting on you. You... are soft. You're emotional, you care what people think. Now, if there's one thing you learn before leaving this place is that we, even the WEAKEST among us, are better than the best of them.
Zoe: Are we gonna get arrested?
Fiona: You are missing the point.
Madison: Which is?
Fiona: The point is... in this whole wide wicked world... the only thing you have to be afraid of... is me.

Cordelia: Losing Queenie is a terrible failure. My failure. But as of now, she's dead to me. And no one else will slip through the cracks.

The: I always hated this room.

Hank: You brought soup?
Kaylee: There's a vending machine in the lobby. It sells all kinds of stuff. Soup, burritos. Can you imagine? I mean, in my town all you could get from a vending machine was pop and Reese's.
Hank: I was in a place in San Diego once where they had sushi in the vending machines.
Kaylee: The raw fish stuff? That sounds disgusting even when it's fresh.

Madame: Boy, don't set those down. They go upstairs. *Not* the yellow one. Brown. Brown like your skin.

Anna: Fiona! I thought you had gone with the other girls down to Jackson Square to burn your bra.
Young: Why? So I can gag on the toxic fumes coming off all that burning Playtex? No thanks.

Violet: I love you, Tate. But I can't forgive you.

Fiona: Tonight I'm going to let the whole world in and get a good look at me. Who's the baddest witch in town?

Adelaide: I want to be a *Pretty Girl*!
Constance: No! You'll go as Snoopy or not at all.

Zoe: You're being morbid. Madison's not dead.
Nan: Then why can't I hear her?
Queenie: Maybe she found a way to keep you out of her head. I know I've been trying.
Nan: No. She passed.

Fiona: Now, I've read all your files, and you're never gonna become great women of our clan sitting around here at Hogwarts, under the confused instruction of my daughter. We're going on a field trip. Jesus, go change your clothes. Wear something... black.

Detective: Timothy Howard?
Monsignor: What's the meaning of this?
Detective: This is a court order giving us access to one of your patients.
Lana: Sister Jude. We want to speak to her right now.
Monsignor: I'm afraid that's impossible.
Lana: I don't give a shit how many pills you got her doped up with.
Monsignor: Sister Jude is dead.
Lana: I don't believe you.
Monsignor: Brother James, fetch me the paperwork on Sister Jude, please.
Lana: He's lying.
Monsignor: I only wish I were. It was the saddest day I've ever experienced. When I walked into my room and found her like that. She'd done it during the night. Fashioned a rope from her bedsheets. A summary of how she was found. Her death certificate. And this number indicates the can in storage containing her ashes.
Lana: You had her cremated?
Monsignor: She died outside a state of grace. I could give no last rites, no absolution. She was, tragically, denied a Christian burial, though I- I keep her in my personal prayers.
Lana: You murdered her. You might as well have tied the noose yourself.
Monsignor: I wanted only good for Sister Jude. You must believe that.
Lana: I don't.
Monsignor: Perhaps if you had come here two weeks ago with this court order, you could have said something to convince her to go on. Sadly, you did not.

Misty: Hey! You stop that! Stop that! You don't want to piss me off! I could be your only friend!

Tate: The world is a filthy place. It's a filthy goddamn horror show. There's just so much pain, y'know?

Queenie: The spirit will say anything to get released. They mess with you!
Violet: Is that why he said we killed him?
Adelaide: No! He thinks we're them!
Violet: Class of 1919. The same year as the Axeman disappeared.

Tate: What do you want?
Violet: What I wanted was you.
Tate: You told me to go away.
Violet: Yeah, but I never said goodbye.

Myrtle: So, before we move on to our lobster poché beurre, a little melon ball palate cleanser. Remember back in the day, Pembie? We'd always be served a palate cleanser at Sunday supper.
Cecily: Such a sensible tradition, nobody bothers anymore.
Quentin: Now, Myrtle, Pembie and I were just saying in addition to how thrilling it was to get your phone call, we-we...
Cecily: I've... we've... just had terrible regrets about the whole misunderstanding.
Quentin: And we cannot get over your skin.
Cecily: Ah. No burn scars.
Quentin: You look younger than ever. We-we've got to hear all about this Misty Day and her magical mud. Should we be looking into it? Selling it, perhaps?
Myrtle: You miss the point, darling. The swamp mud is a metaphor, her metaphor. She's a sophisticated witch with extraordinary gifts, hiding out as a hippie swamp rat. From humble hillbilly stock, she's been a witch since birth, her power and humanity separating her from everyone around her. In fact, those around her have tried endlessly to destroy her, in order to mask their own evil purposes. Yet she rose from the ashes, stronger than ever, more fully realized. A living testament to the greater ideals of our coven. Power, compassion, and uniqueness... We are lucky to have found her, and she us. It resonates with my own story, doesn't it?
Cecily: Myrtle, I want to toast you. For your spirit of... f... give...
Myrtle: Forgiveness, you say? Forgiveness is, and always will be, the high road... the preferred road. Would that we had such luxury. Oh, Quentin. Not to worry. It's just a bit of monkshood in your balls. Causes temporary paralysis. "Human Statue Syndrome," we call it. I believe it's the nervous system first. You lose control over your limbs, the muscles harden into cement, and it feels like ice in your veins. Then the respiratory system. Or is it the other way around? Well, no matter. It's supposed to be quite terrifying, is it? Are you terrified? You should be. At any rate, I'm not going to kill you. Well, maybe after dessert. I put a lot of effort into the key lime pie. I do love a key lime pie, even more than a ile flottante. Call me a Philistine! Enough chit-chat. You've both wanted to eliminate me for years, so you could dominate the Council. But I was never worried you'd be hapless enough to try. Quentin! You're a fatuous fool and a drunk! Pembie, you're even worse. You're weak-willed, boring, and your fashion faux pas give me nightmares. I invited you here not to chastise you or exact revenge, But to help out the coven. To help out my beloved Cordelia. Ha! I bet you thought, "Oh, she left the melon baller in there. She's growing old and forgetful!"
[scoops out Pembroke's left eye with the melon baller]

Fiona: In about ten seconds, I'm gonna turn the heat up in that chubby melon of yours, and I'm gonna turn your brains to scrambled eggs.

Sister: Don't take that. It's a horse tranquilizer.
Nun: Come now, Judy. These pills are perfectly safe. You signed for them yourself. Don't you remember?
Sister: Don't take these pills! They turn your brains to mush!

Dr. Arthur Arden: You have no idea what it means to have lost you.

Violet: So why'd you keep it a secret?
Tate: Hi, I'm Tate. I'm dead. Want to hook up? I don't think so.

Cordelia: In the absence of the council, as reigning Supreme of this coven, I hereby decree... for the murders of our sister witch, Cecily Pembroke and our college, Quentin Fleming... you... Myrtle Snow, are hereby sentenced to death by fire.
Myrtle: Delia, my sweet daughter, I have never been more proud.
Cordelia: Any last words?
Myrtle: Only one. BALENCIAGA!

Young: Kinky. Do you want me to try that on? Looks like you went to a lot of trouble to find it.
Ben: What do you know about this?
Young: I know I get wet just thinking about sliding that rubber on my body.
Ben: Stop it. Stop your bullshit and listen to me. You're in this house all the time, you see everything. What happened with Vivien?
Young: Why do you care? You're a man. Isn't this what all men want? The freedom to satiate their needs guilt-free?
Ben: Just tell me the truth. I think I made a horrible mistake by putting Vivien in the hospital. She was attacked by someone.
Young: Congratulations, Dr. Harmon...
[she morphs into her true age]
Moira: You're finally beginning to see things as they are.

Madame: History will tell you - Not that anyone today gives a royal you-know-what - that I was born to prominent members of New Orleans society. Although my mother's maiden name was Lovable... she did not pass that quality along to me, her daughter. I suppose I was an unhappy child. Not very nice, either. I kept to myself, communing with rodents and small animals. Cutting parts off to see how they'd fare, or if they'd die. No one thought I'd amount to much, but I surprised them all. I married well. My lavish soirées became a coveted invitation. How the mighty have fallen does not begin to describe my torment. When I'm not cleaning their filthy commodes or putting food in front of their greedy faces, washing their sex-stained sheets, cleaning up their general filth, I pass desperately long and lonely days and nights, fretting over the deterioration of my troubled mistress' body and soul. Watching her leave the house each evening without her undergarment, not to return 'til the wee hours. And then I realized what was missing in my life. Lately I've been asking myself just what is it that fed my soul back then. Because being a hostess was never enough for my restless mind, and I realized it was my childlike curiosity about how my niggers ticked. Much like when I was a child and I used to carve up a possum or a stray cat. I just... developed a scientific fascination for their... their body parts... and their organs... and their cries of agony. They made a strange... almost comforting sound. Almost like... a musical background. And their thick African blood just... satisfied a desire that was deep inside me. And then you appeared. Like an old friend from the past.

Lana: You want this place shut down.
Mother: I want it pulled down and the earth salted.

Myrtle: Ah, figs, Mother Nature's brown diamonds. In the fall, the rotting leaves smell like an Olympian's ejaculate. Figgy pudding cures the blues and banishes acne. I'm mad for it.

Marie: You know that spell ain't no picnic for anyone involved. On the day of, you bring us two ounces of your husband's baby gravy in a mason jar. We use a Guinea pepper... hotter than Hades. When the gods see this willingness to suffer, to sacrifice, they pay attention.

Spalding: I care about this coven. About preserving the ancient line of Salem. Everything is at risk because Fiona has become confused, reckless. She's forgotten that Marie Laveau has been and always will be her sworn enemy. Marie Laveau must die.
Madame: She can't die. The bitch is immortal.
Spalding: By magic. And by magic, she can be undone.

Madame: I don't know how to thank you for saving my life.
Queenie: I guess you'll just have to work on that then, huh?

Leah: Do you believe in the devil?
Violet: No.
Leah: I do. I've looked into his eyes.

Sister: Mother?
Mother: Hello, Jude.
Sister: Mother... Superior. Claudia. Mother Claudia.
Mother: The Monsignor said you were speaking my name.
Sister: Wanted to say goodbye.
Mother: Goodbye?
Sister: I'm going to Rome. The Monsignor- Taking me to Rome. We're going to be pope. We're getting married. He likes my cooking. I'm a rare bird. Is it warm in Rome now? She tried to steal... him away. She rubbed her naked body on him. Ravish Me Red. Ravish Me Red.
Mother: Jude.
Sister: He killed her. He had to. We're getting married in the Vatican. The devil was jealous.
Mother: Try and rest your mind. You're a little confused.
Sister: Do you see that woman over there smoking a cigarette?
Mother: [sigh] Yes.
Sister: Her name is Lana Winters. She doesn't belong here. I put her here. Help her... get out.

Marie: Clean your station, baby girl, 'cause I am sick and tired of them old boxes of Popeye's and Coke cans.

Pembroke: Myrtle Snow, have you anything to say in your own defense?
Myrtle: You know what she is. Who would you believe?
Pembroke: You give us no choice. Burn the witch.
Quentin: Seconded.
Fiona: The decision of this council is unanimous and final.
Myrtle: No need to bind me. I shall not resist. Why would I? I've been swimming against the tide my whole life. Look where it got me. I'm used to being an outcast. The freak. Until I found my place in this coven. I thought I'd come home. But I was wrong. I go proudly to the flame. Go ahead. Burn me.

Fiona: I'm kind of busy right now.
Cordelia: My god, what's that smell?
Fiona: I, um... I went to a Chinese doctor, he gave me some herbs to boil. I know it's kind of pungent.
Cordelia: We're about to have our morning gathering. I'm going to be going over the house rules with the girls, and I would like you to hear them.
Fiona: Hmm. Sounds riveting.
[laughs]
Fiona: I'll be down in a minute.

Cordelia: My God, what happened?
Fiona: This girl was attacked near to death while you slept.
Cordelia: By who?
Fiona: Not who. By what. Some minion of hell or other.
Cordelia: Summoned by who? Not one of our girls?
Fiona: Oh, Christ, our girls couldn't pull a rabbit out of a hat. This was dark art voodoo, flat out.
Cordelia: Marie Laveau.
Fiona: No doubt.

Luke: Is this lemon?
Nan: It's yellow cake with butter frosting. I knew it'd be your favorite.
Luke: It's the one thing I can't resist.
Madison: Are you seriously ignoring me for dessert?
Luke: I get the feeling you're used to being the center of attention.
Nan: This is Madison Montgomery. She's famous.
Luke: Well, we don't have TV. Or Internet.

Madame: I'll get to the fingers later. But let's start with your toes. This little piggy went to market. This little piggy stayed home. This little piggy right here had roast beef. And this little piggy had none. And this little piggy cried whee...! Oh, yeah!

Sister: Thomas, don't pick your nose, and never take a job just for the money. Find something... that you love. Do something important. Okay, boy-o?

Monsignor: The times may have changed, Doctor, but the nature of evil has not.

[last words]
Dandy: I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!

Cordelia: I wanted to sever his arms and throw him out the window. I had to stop myself.

Marcy: Nobody's buying me cooking lessons, Mrs. *Hormon*!

The: Don't think so dirty, pussycat!

Fiona: Bury her deep. God knows what all that shit in her body will do to the lawn when it comes up in the spring.

Zoe: [Shows Madison's corpse to Misty] What can you do?
Misty: I can help you dig a hole. She's already rotting. Plus, she's missing an arm.

Larry: I'm a man of uniquely developed appetites.

Dr. Ben Harmon: My professional opinion: Whoever painted this wall had some deep, psychological issues.
Vivien: I thought you had a patient.
Dr. Ben Harmon: Ah, they bailed. Do you need some help cleaning up?
Vivien: Yeah.
[Hands him a tin bowl]
Vivien: Thanks.
Dr. Ben Harmon: This thing doesn't tweak you out?
Vivien: I, there's something about that I find... really comforting.
Dr. Ben Harmon: All my psych professors tell me that people tell stories to cope with their fears, all art and meds are just creations to give us some sense of control over the things we're scared of: afraid of dying, create reincarnation, afraid of evil, create a benevolent God who sends evil doers to Hell.
Vivien: I just like that I don't have to think while I do it.
Dr. Ben Harmon: [laughs] Okay.
[They smile at each other]
Dr. Ben Harmon: I always thought you were prettiest like this: No makeup, messy hair... Little sweaty.
Vivien: I'm old.
Dr. Ben Harmon: Stop. You're beautiful. You are.
[He approaches her, tries to be intimate]
Dr. Ben Harmon: Violet won't be home for an hour.
Vivien: No. Ben, no.
Dr. Ben Harmon: Come on, babe.
Vivien: Ben, no.
[She makes him let go of her]
Vivien: Just... sorry. Just...
Dr. Ben Harmon: [Throwing stuff to the ground in anger] HOW LONG, VIV? HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO PUNISH ME FOR?
Vivien: I'm not punishing you, you narcissistic asshole! I'm trying to figure out how to forgive you for having sex with one of your students! You want me to have sex with you? I can't even look at your face, Ben, without seeing the expression on it while you were pile driving her in our BED!
Dr. Ben Harmon: I SCREWED UP! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY IT? I'M SORRY! I WAS HURTING, TOO!
Vivien: OH!
Dr. Ben Harmon: GOD!
Vivien: [Sarcastically] Oh, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Did, did the, did the, did the life that was growing inside you die? And did you have to carry that around in your belly? The dead corpse of our baby son? Did you have to go into labor and deliver our child... DEAD?
Dr. Ben Harmon: My son died, too! My baby died, too!
Vivien: And you buried your sorrows in some 21-year-old's pussy!
Dr. Ben Harmon: You know, I can show you statistics on how many men cheat after a miscarriage! I was there for you, Viv! I was patient and understanding and caring! I put your feelings first!
Vivien: [Sarcastically] My... hero!
Dr. Ben Harmon: You know, I don't even know how to say this without coming off like an asshole. I really don't-...
Vivien: You know what? Just go ahead! Really! Never stopped you before! You're so angry? Why don't you really tell it like it is! 6 months of therapy with you apologizing and crying was bullshit! So, please, tell me how you really feel!
Dr. Ben Harmon: You got a dog!
[Vivien laughs sarcastically]
Dr. Ben Harmon: I needed you and you got a dog.
Vivien: [Sarcastically] Oh!
Dr. Ben Harmon: It was ME you should've been curling up with at night! Not a dog!
Vivien: Oh, so - -!
Dr. Ben Harmon: I needed you!
Vivien: You needed me! So, she was revenge because you needed me? Because I wasn't THERE FOR YOU IN YOUR TIME OF NEED? NOW, IT GET IT!
Dr. Ben Harmon: We hadn't had sex in almost a year.
Vivien: Yeah, you think I don't know that?
Dr. Ben Harmon: October 20th, we had great sex, Viv. It was loving and sexy and personal, even a little, even a little weird. I love you. I moved across country for you because in all my life, the only thing I've been truly scared of is losing you, losing this family. Something horrible happened to us and we handled it even more horribly. But this, this place... is our second chance, VIv. It's our second chance. But I just... I just need to know that you want it, too. Tell me, honey.
[He puts his hands on her face, she brushes him off]
Dr. Ben Harmon: [He tries again, but this time, she violently pushes him off] What are you doing?
[She pushes him again]
Dr. Ben Harmon: Viv!
[She continues to push him away]
Dr. Ben Harmon: What are you doing?
Dr. Ben Harmon: No!
[He kisses her, she resists at first, then kisses him, they begin having sex]

The: Oh, honey. Goddesses don't speak in whispers. They scream.

Misty: I don't think the White Witch or the Supreme need my kind of help.
Madison: Maybe not today. But a year from now, you're on the throne, they're in deep shit, the phone rings, and, "Hey, girlfriend, it's Auntie Stevie. Need some mojo. You still looking like my album cover?" Everything's transactional. Guy buys you dinner, he expects a blowjob. Welcome to earth.
Misty: Hey, are you trying to say that Stevie was working me?
Madison: Players only love you when they're playin'.

Dr. Arthur Arden: It's a farce. Finita la commedia.

Larry: You don't have a choice, you're going to have to do the honorable thing to save your family. You're going to have to lie.

The: We have two selves. One the world needs us to be, compliant... and the shadow. Ignore it and life is forever suffering.

Misty: This is wrong. All wrong. Murder. All rot and black. This will not be forgiven.
Lee: What do you want, girl?
Misty: Why would you kill God's innocent creatures? So They can be made into shoes?
Ray: You think she's one of them goddamn PETA girls?
Lee: No, she ain't from PETA. You should've stayed away, girl. You play with dead things, you're more than likely to join 'em.
Misty: Not all dead.

Lana: I'm tough but I'm no cookie

Fiona: Our coven mourns. After facing so many trials, defending ourselves against onslaught. Forging enemies into friends. The witches of Miss Robichaux's Academy have fought for their lives, and won. And so, it is with great sadness we must say goodbye to Nan... who fell in the tub.
Marie: Amen!

Queenie: [on Ouija board answer] Axeman! Stop! Stop! Stop! If survival is so important to you, you better find out who you're talking too!

Fiona: What the hell is going on in here?
Madison: Miss Aryan Sisterhood came between Queenie and her food.
Madame: I will not stoop to serve her kind.
Fiona: You know, Delphine, from now on you are going to be Queenie's personal slave. And Queenie, You ask her to do whatever you need done: Make your bed, scrub your toilet, I don't give a shit.
Queenie: Sweet.
Fiona: There is nothing I hate more than a racist.

Young: I can't believe Fiona is getting away with it.
Young: Getting away with what, dogface?
Young: Murder.

Myrtle: Please tell me this is a hallucination driven by my bouquet of atropa belladonna.

Ben: You're a psychopath, Tate.

Lana: [Discovers Wendy's frozen corpse in Dr. Thredson's lair] Wendy. Oh, my God. Wendy.
[Sobbing]
Lana: Wendy!
Dr. Oliver Thredson: She's been on ice for awhile. I was hoping she'd be a little more pliable by the time you came to.
Lana: [Whispering] What's happening?
[shouting]
Lana: What did you do to her?
Dr. Oliver Thredson: Kept her fresh. Normally, by now I would've... removed the skin. And head. But we need to keep her around a little longer for our purposes. We're going to continue our therapy now, Lana. You can begin... by kissing her cold lips. Don't worry. She won't bite.
[Puts on Bloody Face mask]
Dr. Oliver Thredson: I took her teeth.
[Lana screams]

Tate: I don't want to hurt you! Though I do have to kill you.

Papa: Tonight's the night you pay me my due.
Marie: Not now. Please. It's been a hard day.
Papa: Hard days deserve a harder night.
[sniffs cocaine from his fingernail]
Marie: You drink my torment like wine.

Madison: What's the deal, Zoe? We were supposed to share him, then you had to go fall in love with him.
Zoe: No, I didn't.
Madison: So it wouldn't bother you if I got on my knee pads and blew him, right here, right now?
Zoe: If he wants it, be my guest.
Madison: Thanks. You're a peach.
Kyle: No! Not anymore. I love Zoe.
Madison: You think you can just throw me away for some junior varsity mall rat?

Queenie: The spirit will say anything to get released. They mess with you!
Violet: Is that why he said we killed him?
Adelaide: No! He thinks we're them!
Violet: Class of 1919. The same year as the Axeman disappeared.

Zoe: Kyle, no!
Kyle: Kyle? No Kyle.

Fiona: I never had the gift of mind-reading before. Is it the medication?

Sister: Rubies are the most glamorous of all. You couldn't have found them in this dreary town. Are they family heirlooms?
Dr. Arthur Arden: They belonged to a Jewess in the camp. She was always reminding people that she was a woman of considerable means, and that her husband was an influential and wealthy doctor in Berlin. She was constantly complaining to me about her stomach problems, and as a doctor, I thought I ought to do something about it. So I followed her, one day, to the latrine, thinking I might diagnose her condition if I had a stool sample. She was in there, on her hands and knees, picking through her own feces to retrieve those earrings. She confessed to me that she swallowed them every day, day after day, carrying them around inside of her, as if, someday, she might return to her former grandeur. Poor, ridiculous woman, she died from internal bleeding. The earrings were very hard on her intestines. Obviously, I retrieved them. I knew someday I'd meet someone who was worthy of their exceptional beauty.
Sister: You were very clever to retrieve them, Arthur. Look how beautiful they are on me. They bring out the rose in my cheeks. Oh, you're such a sap!
Dr. Arthur Arden: Not exactly for the reasons you may think, but a sap nonetheless. I so dearly hoped you'd throw them back in my face, that you couldn't bring yourself to touch those shit-stained earrings. I was hoping there'd be a glimmer of horror, a glimmer of that precious girl who was too afraid even to take a bite of my candy apple.

Alicia: I've been possessive, I do know that. I never meant for it to go so far, or go on for so long. But I think maybe you needed it as much as I did. But now it's time for you to move on with your life, and I understand that, and I want that. Jesus, Kyle! Why won't you talk to me? What's happened to you? They were so sure you were dead, they said they identified your body. Your body. I know your body, Kyle. I know it. And this... it's different! You're different! Who are you, if you're not my son? My son. My son. My sweet baby boy. No one knows you like I do. Not even that girl. She doesn't know how to please you. Not like I can. Mama knows how to please you, baby. It's okay.
Kyle: No!

Sister: Where did you get the gun, Anne?
Anne: I took it off one of those detectives. And it's a good thing I did. He would've killed me.
Sister: Dr. Arden?
Anne: Gruper. Hans Gruper. I told you. He's a Nazi. The thing in his lab- did you see it?
Sister: What thing? What do you think you saw?
Anne: Oh, God. He got rid of it before anyone could see.
Sister: Dr. Arden was in no condition to do any such thing. When I arrived, he was being rushed to the hospital.
Anne: Good. I hope he dies.
Sister: Now come on. Wake up. He's not going to die. He'll be back here, and soon. Maybe with the police. Maybe with the monsignor. You could end up on his operating table and I out in the street. So before that happens, I want you to tell me what you think you saw.
Anne: Go and look.
Sister: We did look. Now, Frank says you claimed to have seen... some sort of creature that was alive. Maybe it escaped on its own?
Anne: I doubt that, Sister. It- It had no legs!

Tate: So this is the cokewhore.

Nora: I want to bury our son in this. Charles? What are you doing?
[shouts]
Nora: What have you done to our baby?
[Sobs]

Nan: Why can't it be me?
Madison: Because you have no style and your pits smell like fish sticks.
Nan: Do you think I could be the Supreme?
[Everyone remains silent]
Nan: You guys suck balls.

Fiona: So, you old hens... What have you come to cluck about?

Tate: I used to come here... when the world closed in and got so small I couldn't breathe. I'd look out at the ocean, and I'd think... "Yo, douche bag, high school counts for jack shit." Kurt Cobain, Quentin Tarantino, Brando, DeNiro, Pacino, all high school dropouts. I... hated high school. So I'd come here and I'd look out at this vast, limitless expanse. Then it's like, that's your life, man. You can do anything, could be anything. Screw high school. That's... it's just a blip in your timeline. Don't get stuck there.

Sister: I hear you caused quite a disturbance tonight. Some anti-Semitic remarks set you off.
Anne: They made a joke. The businessmen at the bar. They said, "Don't let them Jew you down." That's how it always starts, you know? With jokes!
Sister: There's blood on your coat there. Is it yours?
Anne: It's theirs. I broke a beer bottle. I stabbed them. They will live, but they will never forget.

Madame: My great literacy began with Greek mythology. I used to sit on daddy's lap and he would read me those stories - full of their vengeful gods and wondrous, miraculous creatures. But the Minotaur was *always* my favorite. Half man, half bull. And now, I have one of my very own.

Sister: Go on!... Get outta here!... Outta my way!...
Asylum: Huh?...

Marie: I'm over 300 years old. Everyone I done ever met done followed after the Grim Reaper. Some willingly. Others kicking and scratching. I taught myself long ago not to waste tears for the dead.

Hayden: You know what I could go for? A nice, big, fat, juicy...
[she gets bludgeoned in the face with a shovel]

Marie: And what is your wish, Witch?
Fiona: I want what you have. Whatever it is that has kept you young all these years.
Marie: [laughs] The Hammer wants the Nail's Magic. Oh, that is rich!
Fiona: Yeah, and you're gonna give it to me. Because, I have something you want.
Marie: You could offer me a unicorn that shit hundred dollar bills and I'd still never give you nothing more than a headache.

Dr. Arthur Arden: I don't believe in God. But I do believe in evil. I've seen it up-close and personal.

Nora: Tell me, what's your name?
Young: Tate.
Nora: If Thaddeus comes back to scare you again, just shut your eyes and say GO AWAY, you understand, Tate?
Nora: He'll mind you because I'm going to protect you.
Young: I wish you were my mommy.

Adelaide: You're going to die in there.

Jed: And the Lord said to the cripple, "Take up thy bed and fly!"

Fiona: What are we talking about? College boys? Taken in the prime of their lives, such a tragedy. Almost makes you want to cry, doesn't it? But then, the world's not gonna miss a bunch of assholes in Ed Hardy t-shirts.
Madison: Who are you?
Fiona: You know, I've got to hand it to you - the bus flip... that's not easy. You are a sloppy little witch bitch.
Madison: Go to hell, you stupid hag.

Tate: Hi. I'm Tate. I'm dead. wanna hook up?

Elsa: No matinees. No, people don't come to see freaks in the heat of the day, they come in the evening, when the darkness moves in and speaks of mystery, the unknown. When logic loosens its vice grip and the imagination comes out to play. Night allows the stars to shine and we come alive. No, daytime is for kiddie shows, clowns and Kewpie dolls. Maybe that's what you're used to, but you're in a real freak show now, my freak show.

The: I gave fair warning, girl. I made my intentions clear to the world.

Sister: Move!... move!... move!... move...
Asylum: Huh
Sister: Time for my story

Fiona: What is that hideous smell?
Marie: Rattle viper sperm incense. Clear all the bad spirits out of here. Get rid of their evil intentions.
Fiona: It's not evil intentions that's making me sick.

Marie: Shut up. I'll give you something to cry about.

Constance: One of the many comforts of having children is knowing one's youth has not fled but merely been passed down to a new generation. They say when a parent dies, a child feels his own mortality. But when a child dies, it's immortality that a parent loses.

Madison: Wasn't this house owned by the guy in 'Face/Off'?
Tour: Correct! The actor Nicolas Cage, was a previous owner.

Fiona: Each one of you has a unique gift, but that's not nearly enough to be a real witch.
Madison: And you're a real witch?
Nan: She's the Supreme.
Fiona: [laughs] You know that one? She's smarter than all of you put together.

Nan: Did you see a bright light?
Madison: No. There's nothing on the other side. It's just black. Forever.

Nan: Yeah, she had powers all right. Lots of them. She set the neighbor's curtains on fire.
Myrtle: How did she do that?
Nan: By looking at them. It was awesome.

Queenie: You the bitch that blindsided me with that candlestick.
Madame: How dare you open your foul mouth to me, Negress.
Queenie: Excuse me?
Madame: I may be a maid, but there are limits to my servitude.
Queenie: You best put that food down in front of me before I Frisbee this plate at your head.

Misty: You like my swamp water, don't you?

Marie: You know, when I had the idea to have you brought back to me, I thought of all the many ways I could dispose of you. But I've found it give me great pleasure just to know you in a cage.
Madame: Shut your mouth, Negress. Bring me something to drink in a clean glass, so I can enjoy my food in silence.
Marie: I'm not your damn maid! And if I were you, I wouldn't be so eager to show my arrogance from that side of the cage.
Madame: What you gonna do? Kill me? I can't die.
[laughs]
Madame: Eh, throw me back in the box. I've seen enough of this world. I'll take no part in a country that has a darkie in the White House. Hundred years from now, when they dig me up again, the natural order will be restored.
Marie: You think I only have those two choices? The mistake you make is from a lack of imagination.
Madame: I'm not afraid of you. I wouldn't give you that satisfaction. Ahh!
[Marie hacks off Delphine's hand]
Madame: Dear God! Oh, my God!
Marie: You know, you're right, Delphine. This gave me no satisfaction. But we've only just begun.

Monsignor: Jude was right about you. You're a monster.
Dr. Arthur Arden: Why do you look for the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own?

Billie: I think we're gonna get a pickup on my Lifetime pilot. And as soon as we do, I wanna bring you on as my guest.
Constance: I can't focus on your... career right now. I maybe looking at a rather Earth shattering situation.
Billie: Could we be talking menopause baby? Why am I seeing baby pictures?
Constance: Tell me... What happens when a human... copulates with someone from the spirit world?
Billie: Spirits aren't known for their potency.
Constance: Yes, but... what if there is, in fact, a conception?
Billie: You do know about the box? The Pope's box?
Constance: What the Hell are you talking about?
Billie: When a new Pope has been chosen and the bells of St. Peter's chime, he is shown into a small chamber next to the Sistine Chapel. They call it the room of tears, named for the sublime mixture of joy and sorrow that he must contemplate at this moment. He is brought a key to this box. It has been said that this box contains the ultimate secret. It holds the secret of the end of the world.
Constance: Oh, for Christ's sakes, Billie Dean, the cameras aren't rolling in here. Will you just cut to the chase?
Billie: This piece of paper reveals the precise nature of the Antichrist. A child born of human and spirit will usher in the end of times. It is the essence of evil... a perversion of the Immaculate Conception.
Constance: What are you talking about?
Billie: Oh, come on, honey. The Holy Ghost merely whispered in the Virgin Mary's ear and she begat the Son of God. If the Devil's going to use a human womb for his spawn, he's gonna want a little more bang for his buck.

Myrtle: Mothballs and history. It's a cocktail I swoon for.
Misty: I feel like a queen.
Madison: How does putting on this smelly old stuff help us get rid of Fiona?
Cordelia: It's part of a ceremony called the "Sacred Taking," which allows for the ascension of the new Supreme.
Zoe: And we're sure Misty's the next Supreme?
Myrtle: I'm certain of her credentials. She's brought back more people from the dead than Jesus Christ.
Madison: [to Zoe] Disappointed? You thought it was you, didn't you?
Zoe: Well, I knew it wasn't you, because when Fiona cut your throat, you died.
Nan: It could be any one of us.
Madison: Not really. It's pretty obvious.
Nan: And what does that mean?
Cordelia: Being the Supreme isn't something to wish for. It's not a gift. It's a burden. How many of these women had happy lives? They had power, but with it came the responsibility of the coven. They all bowed under the weight, except my mother... who ran from it.
Misty: Can I say something? I don't want to be the Supreme.
Cordelia: Nobody gets to choose. When Fiona dies, whoever it is... will be.

Fiona: Spalding, you don't understand. I am finally... trying to do... something decent... something noble for the coven.
Spalding: Hmm. Horseshit! You're making a martyr of yourself by giving up. You've been tricked. You've allowed a pack of lesser witches to buffalo you into this ignominious end. I won't permit it.
Fiona: I don't understand.
Spalding: They've been running a number on you.
Fiona: Huh?
Spalding: Madison Montgomery is not the next Supreme. She didn't conquer death. She was brought back by some dirty little... swamp witch. They've been leading you to your doom with lies. Lies... you swallowed more easily than those pills.

Edward: Never cared for dwarves. Power mad, the lot of them.

Myrtle: [shouting] This will not stand! You killed Anna-Lee because she was the last Supreme! And you killed an innocent girl because she was the next Supreme! You'll get away with it! She keeps getting away with it!
Cordelia: You're wrong. You think my mother killed Madison Montgomery so she could remain the Supreme?
Myrtle: Yes! You're blind to the ways of your mother, chicky! You always have been!
Cordelia: Madison wasn't the next Supreme. The hallmark of any rising Supreme is glowing, radiant health. Madison had a heart murmur. She kept it monitored, she kept it secret. So I'm sorry, Myrtle. For 40 years, you've been barking up the wrong tree. My mother is the Supreme for a reason.
Quentin: Hear, hear.

Kit: Now?
Sister: Yes. If you hurry, you might be able to have supper.
Kit: Supper? I thought you were taking me for the operation.
Sister: No, Kit. Sister Jude changed her mind. She said you showed signs of true redemption. You're being released from solitary. Yay.
Kit: What about Grace?
Sister: Oh, I haven't forgotten about her.
Grace: I can't believe you'll hear me say this, but I actually miss the food from the kitchen.
Sister: Oh, you won't be eating tonight. No food for 12 hours before the procedure.
Grace: You said Sister Jude changed her mind.
Sister: For Kit. Rest up, dear. You're going under the knife in the morning, you'll need your strength.
Grace: No. No. You can't do that! Let me out! Come back! Let me out! Let me out! Someone!
[Screams]

Madame: Butler. I've done what you asked.
Spalding: You got it?
Madame: Paid a king's ransom for it, too.
Spalding: Oh. Whoa. An authentic 1895 Armand Marseille Dream Baby. You're sure this is the original gown?
Madame: There's a certificate of authenticity in there somewhere.
Spalding: This was a very limited run, you know. Dieter Hoffbonner designed the gowns himself.
Madame: Grown man, taking pleasure in a doll baby. It's unsavory. All right, I did my part. Now before somebody notices that half the silver's gone missing, you give me what you promised me.
Spalding: Yes. The potion that will render the voodoo queen mortal and allow you to end her life.
[pulls out a basket containing a box of Benadryl]
Spalding: A few capsules dissolved in her drink.
Madame: Ben...
Spalding: Shhh! No. Never speak it aloud.
Madame: It's that powerful?
Spalding: You have no idea.

Chad: Then you go to the Farmer's Market or an off-ramp in Valencia and you buy a bag from Pedro! I mean, where's the effort?

Kyle: Oh, great. He sends his little girlfriend out.
Steph: With a pair of scissors. You gonna make us some paper dolls?

Madame: Borquita. What has she done to you? No. What have *I* done to you? There must be something still inside you that knows the mother who bore you. Come back to me, child. I would make amends.

Marie: Damn, Delphine. You know, girl, you may be rotten to the core, but you do make a sweet French 75.
[laughs]
Madame: Thank you, ma'am.
Marie: Leave it! And get out. Only thing that could ruin this moment is to have to look at your fugly face.
Madame: I'll leave when I'm finished.
Marie: [laughs] Oh, You will obey me, servant.
[slaps Delphine's ass]
Madame: I told you. I'm not finished. But you are.
[stabs Marie in the chest]
Marie: [screams, grunts] Stupid cow!
[slowly pulls knife out]
Marie: Thinking you could... kill me!
Madame: Yeah, the m-magic takes time to work. Your fate is sealed!
Marie: Oh, you stupid rube! That ain't magic. It's a antihistamine! And the only thing I'm allergic to is you! Damn you!

Violet: Okay, you twisted, tea-serving, necrophiliac! It's time to fess up! You killed Madison.

Cadaver: [to Fiona] You didn't throw that acid, but you might as well have.

Myrtle: Delia, there's a... I need to say something, or I'll simply explode. I need to know for certain that you don't think I did this to you. I remember the first day Fiona dropped you off here. You were like a baby bird, pushed too soon from the nest. Do you remember what you asked me?
Young: Will you be my mother now?
Myrtle: I've always loved you like a daughter. Wrap your arms around me, dear girl. Use your power of sight, and you'll see that I could not have done this terrible thing.
Cordelia: No. I won't. I don't need magic to tell me what I already know. I know you would never hurt me. I never doubted you for a second, and I told my mother that. My mother set you up. My blindness gave me real vision, but it's of no use to me now. Not when there are witch hunters right outside our door.
Myrtle: Darling, if I could pluck my own eyes out of my head and gift them to you, I would.

Marie: [to Cordelia] Your husband was a Witch Hunter. Showed up at my place, runnin' his mouth 'bout how he been killin' witches his whole life, 'bout how he had all this access, how his mother-in-law was the Supreme.
[to Fiona]
Marie: Ooooh, he hated your ass. But he gave me a fair price, so...
[scoffs]
Marie: You *were* my sworn enemy.
Cordelia: You hired him to kill me? To kill my girls?
Marie: Uh-huh. But he was too soft on you, he couldn't do it. He was trying to protect you, all right. From me. Lucky for y'all, he was a stone fool!
Fiona: [backhand slaps Cordelia] You're not just blind, you are willfully blind! You married Hank to prove some childish point and brought a viper into this sacred house.
Marie: It's all water under the bridge now, mama. Come on, come on.
[Comforts Cordelia]
Fiona: Hank was not some lone assassin with a grudge. Witch Hunters never act alone. They are part of an ancient order of men whose sole purpose is to rid the world of witches. Black or white. Now, we don't have to waste our time with worker bees, what we have to do is to find the hive.

Queenie: [to Bastien] She told me what you did to her daughter. You just wanted love. And that makes you a beast? They call me that, too. But that's not who we are. We both deserve love like everybody else. Don't you want to love me?

Joan: I think the fondest memory I have of Luke was when he was nine. He had made the most adorable little cross out of driftwood.
Nan: Where's his body?
Zoe: I think she meant to ask, where do you plan to have the funeral?
Joan: Well, there will be a service in our church, but Luke is here... now.
[Sets urn on the table]
Joan: I had him cremated. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
Nan: You... bitch!

Fiona: We need to talk.
Marie: You and I ain't got nothing to say to each other. Take your skinny ass and that filthy thing and get out.
Fiona: You don't want to talk to me? Fine. Then give what's in this box a wash and set.

Tate: It's nothing personal. It's just that she's all alone. And that's not right!

Tour: Uh, excuse me, you can't just barge in on the tour without purchasing a ticket.
Fiona: You're giving us a tour for free.
Tour: Free! of course.

Madison: That swamp bitch can't even spell her own name, and now she gets the keys to the kingdom? I mean, I came back from the dead.
Zoe: Yeah. Misty brought you back.
Nan: I could be the Supreme.
Madison: Yeah, the mind reading's a real party trick, Mumbles the Clown.
Nan: My powers are growing. I can do mind control.
Madison: Prove it.
Nan: Put out that cigarette.
[Madison puts out her cigarette]
Nan: Now stick it in your vagina.
Zoe: Nan, stop! Both of you skanks, enough!

Myrtle: Cumin. Coconut. Cardamom. Mulligatawny soup! I've been transported to Rajasthan! Bravo, Delphine! Magnifique!
Madison: It goes perfectly with the wine. Mmm.

Twisty the Clown: I was the special children's clown to Rusty Westchester's Traveling Carnival. I made 'em laugh. I love the children. But not the freaks.

Papa: Wake up. Your master calls.

Sister: Mental illness is the fashionable explanation for sin.

Tate: You're all I want! You're all I have!

Fiona: Jesus Christ. I didn't think she was this strong. Stop making such a fuss, you're not the first witch to be drowned!

Desiree: I wasn't born on a farm, but I know bullshit when I smell it, and that's a whole lot of bullshit.
Maggie: Go to Hell, triple tits.

Zoe: No! No, stop! Kyle! No! Look, maybe it would have been better for you to stay dead. I don't know! But I couldn't forgive myself if I didn't try.
Misty: I forgive you.
[Zoe screams]
Misty: Even though you drew me out here. Turn around. Make a right.

Madame: [Preparing for her blood facial] Ohhh, I'm runnin' out! We gon' have to get some more.
Borquita: No! Please don't make me.
Madame: You think I wanna do this? You can blame your father and his fresh-faced whore! Unless you'd like to split your inheritance with an endless parade of colored bastards.

Fiona: When witches don't fight, we burn.

Larry: Gimme my treat! You *don't* want the *trick*!

Marie: When the gods see this willingness to suffer, to sacrifice, they pay attention.

Madison: Where are we going? It's too hot, my frickin' vagina's sweating.

Fiona: You can help me live, Marie.
Marie: I wish I could.
Fiona: You know the secret. You gave it to that despicable, torturing racist.
Marie: I gave her a vial of my tears. If I gave it to you, you'd still be bald and weak and living out your last days over and over for all eternity.
Fiona: Who... gave it to you?
Marie: I don't think you ready for that.
Fiona: Tell me your secret.
Marie: I sold my soul... to Papa Legba.
Fiona: You conjured him... he just appeared?
Marie: Mmm, I thought I was the shit back then. I had just come into my prime, and my magic was strong. Shockingly strong. I was pregnant, and I did not accept the idea of death. I was invincible. Papa must've heard me. Showed up one night, said, "You can have eternal life, Marie. I come to you once a year, and you give me what I want." I thought he meant some kind of sexual favors. Seemed simple enough at the time. I wished for it; it came true. Unknowingly, I made a deal forged in Hell.

Madame: I think I'm gonna like it here.

Fiona: This could be a big-ticket night for you, Papa. I'm queen of the witches.
Papa: [chuckles] I don't give a wet donkey shit about your title. I shine to only one thing: your soul.
Fiona: Then let's talk business. I give you my soul, and what do you give me in return?
Papa: Freedom from death.
Fiona: I want terms defined. Life everlasting. No aging, no decrepitude. Forever.
Papa: Just like that.
Fiona: Just like that?
Papa: In exchange, you provide services. One night a year, on the date of my choosing. No refusal ever.
Fiona: What kind of services?
Papa: For instance, would you cripple your daughter?
Fiona: Today? Absolutely.
Papa: Murder an innocent? Someone you love.
Fiona: Whatever it takes.
Papa: Then... we have a deal.
Fiona: Seal it.
[They kiss]
Papa: The deal is off.
Fiona: Why?
Papa: You have nothing to sell. You have no soul.

Misty: You can't be your best self until you find your tribe. I'm still looking for mine.

[last lines]
Constance: Now... what am I going to do with you?

Violet: This is where those dudes killed themselves, right? I thought maybe we'd find a body or something.

Dr. Oliver Thredson: Sounds to me like a classic case of postpartum psychosis.
Sister: How long have you been standing there, Dr. Buttinski?

Steph: Uh, It says take one. Can't you read?
Adelaide: I'm a pretty girl! I want Violet to see!
Steph: [Looks at friends and laughs] Shortbus.

Fiona: They pray to one god - a green, merciless god. Money. So we cut off their supply, bring them to their knees, make them crawl to us and beg for mercy. Here, I can do that.
Cordelia: I want to help.
Fiona: No. You're tainted. You let them get inside your head.
Cordelia: We can fight about this for the next ten years, but right now I want to help you.
Fiona: No! Don't you understand anything? You can't help me. You can't help anyone. You're worthless, hopeless. Get out of my sight.

Madame: You can talk. I thought you were tongueless.
Spalding: I was when I was alive.
Madame: Are you saying you're dead?
Spalding: Murdered. Right here in this room.
Madame: That's true, isn't it? I spent enough time in the grave to know a spirit when I encounter one.

Queenie: [to Spalding] Fiona's not here to help you now, Riff Raff. Best be straight.

[to Violet]
Billie: You're so young, I'm so sorry.

Dr. Arthur Arden: Ah. You must be the new girl.
Anne: You were there.
Dr. Arthur Arden: What?
Anne: In Auschwitz. Nazi! Murderer! You Nazi swine!
Dr. Arthur Arden: Orderly. Sedate this woman.
Anne: Don't you remember me, Doctor? I am Anne. Anne Frank!

Vivien: My mind is playing tricks on me Moira. I am literally seeing things.

Fiona: Time to deal with the rest of the trash, I see.

Detective: Maybe we can ask you a question about one of your patients here. Kit Walker.
Sister: What about him?
Detective: He seem like the kind of guy that would have the surgical skill to remove a woman's skin?
Detective: And her head?

Madame: You left your dirt in the commode. Why don't you flush it?
Madison: [laughs] You flush my shit, bitch.

Marie: I don't know what that was, but they got some real power in that witch house now.

Madame: Is she dead?
Spalding: [shaking his head] She cannot die.
Madame: What?
Spalding: She's immortal.
Madame: But you said...
Spalding: I just wanted her out of my hair. You were most likely to cooperate.
Madame: Well, turds on that. What am I supposed to do with her now?
Spalding: I don't know. Bury her.
Madame: She'd just dig her way out!
Spalding: Make sure she can't.

Larry: I'm trying very hard not to judge you.
Ben: Me? You murdered your entire family!
Larry: Yes, but I was never unfaithful.

Zoe: Do you really think that's going to work?
Misty: I know it will. This stuff is the shit. Literally. Louisiana swamp is full of Spanish moss and alligator dung. Amazing healing properties.

Violet: The darkness. It has me.

Fiona: Don't let them store me in the basement with that disgraced Russian witch.

Madison: Misty's probably twirled her way to the Everglades by now. Don't bother.

[first lines]
The: They have never seen me, 'for I am invisible', even as the ether which surrounds your earth.

Queenie: You don't mess with the Supreme.

Fiona: The doctors say it's terminal.
Cordelia: Do me a favor. Die before Thanksgiving, so none of us have to suffer through that mess of raisins and Styrofoam you call stuffing.

Aileen: You know what you do when all you know is people taking? You start to give, give it away before they can take it from you, give it all away for free. And that way, you can pretend that it doesn't hurt.

Tate: You're doing it wrong, if you're trying to kill yourself you cut vertically, they can't stitch that up...
Violet: How'd you get in here?
Tate: If you're trying to kill yourself, you might also try locking the door...

[Seeing Leigh, in Santa suit, begin to wreak mayhem in Briarcliff]
Sister: [to Monsignor] Two steps forward, one step back.

Charles: What have you done to that baby? Can't even tell if it's a girl or a boy.
Nora: You're a disgrace, Charles. How you can call yourself a man is beyond me. You think I came all the way here from Philadelphia for this? This life? This... house?
Charles: I built you this house exactly the way you wanted it.
Nora: And how many servants do we have? Two? And I'm expected to do everything else? Good, Charles. Drink your talent away. You're a waste. Even looking at you I'm sick to my stomach.
Charles: You'll see. They will write articles about me one day in the Boston Medical Journal.
Nora: Ha!
Charles: [Throws his wine glass, it hits the wall and shatters]
Nora: [laughing] Good, Charles. Break everything!
Nora: [the baby cries, Nora can't be bothered. irritated, she rings the bell for the nanny] Daphne, when you hear the baby crying, come in straightaway and bring him upstairs.
Daphne: Yes, ma'am. Yes, angel. Come here. It's all right, shhh.
Nora: They came again today. The bill collectors. Charles? DO YOU HEAR ME?
Charles: I'm not deaf! Would that I were.
Nora: Now you listen to me. You're going to support this family one way or the other. I've arranged for a girl to come tomorrow morning with $60 cash. She's in trouble. She probably has friends. So you'd better not be blotto.

Vivien: Do you ever get tired of cleaning up other people's messes?
Moira: We're women, it's what we do. I just get paid for it.

Nora: If mother could see me now... polishing my own silver. Charles, look at me. Oh, I wish I were a widow. I certainly look the part. I bought this dress for my mother's funeral. Who ever thought I'd be wearing it again... to bury my son?
Charles: That's not true.
Nora: Because of you, and what you did... We'll have to forgo an open casket.
Charles: Nora, I'm trying to tell you something. There will be no funeral. The baby is upstairs and waiting for you in the nursery.

Constance: And soon after came the mongoloid, and of course, I couldn't work after that.

Fiona: You're gonna make it to your daughter's wedding, so you should go out and buy yourself a great dress. Blow the bank on it.

Myrtle: Fiona, it's been a long time.
Fiona: Myrtle Snow... look at you, developing a sense of style when no one was paying attention.

Gladys: Look what he did to me.