The Best Mr. Potato Head Quotes

Jessie: Woody, we were wrong to leave Andy. I - I was wrong...
Mr. Potato Head: Jessie's right, Woody. She was wrong.

[Woody jumps on to a train of orphaned Troll dolls. He pulls the brake to try and stop the train before reaching the broken bridge, but they still fall into the canyon]
Jessie: No!
[Suddenly, Buzz Lightyear appears, lifting the train and its passengers out of the canyon]
Buzz: Glad I could catch the train!
Woody: Now let's catch some criminals!
Buzz: To infinity and beyond!
[Cut to the Potato Heads and the aliens in their car, counting money and laughing evily]
Aliens: [pointing at the sky] Ooh!
[Buzz flies above the bandits and slices their car with his laser. After the criminals tumble to the ground, Woody, Buzz, and Jessie enter]
Woody: Reach for the sky!
Mr. Potato Head: You can't touch me, Sheriff. I brought my attack dog with a built-in force field!
[Mr. Potato Head calls Slinky Dog over with a whistle. Slinky bounces down from the mountains and forms the force field around the Potato Heads and aliens]
Woody: Well, I brought my dinosaur who eats force field dogs!
Jessie: Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!
[the ground cracks apart, and Rex emerges. He roars at the evildoers, but then notices something]
Rex the Green Dinosaur: Huh?
Buzz: [a pig-shaped spaceship suddenly appears. Its driver is Hamm, portraying Dr. Porkchop] Evil Dr. Porkchop!
Hamm the Piggy Bank: That's *Mr.* Evil Dr. Porkchop to you.
[Hamm teleports the Potato Heads, the aliens, and Slinky onto his ship. He also pushes a button reading, "Death by Monkeys," trapping our heroes with a flood of plastic red monkeys. As Mr. Potato Head reaches toward a button activating a destructive ray, the scene suddenly cuts to Andy's bedroom. The whole scene actually took place in Andy's imagination, as he plays with the toys and a cardboard spaceship]
Young: [as Woody] Buzz, shoot your laser at my badge!
Young: [as Buzz] Woody, no! It'll kill you!
Young: [as Woody] Just do it!
[Andy shields Buzz's eyes and pushes the laser button. He uses his finger to trace the laser bouncing off Woody's badge, then knocks the spaceship and its evil passengers towards the ground]

[first lines]
[Mr. Potato Head, portraying One-Eyed Bart, jumps out of a train while carrying money sacks]
Mr. Potato Head: [laughs evily] Ah, ha ha ha! Money, money, money!
[Woody lassoes a rope to grab the money from Mr. Potato Head's hands, then trips him]
Woody: You've got a date with justice, One-Eyed Bart!
Mr. Potato Head: Too bad, Sheriff! I'm a married man!
[Mrs. Potato Head jumps onto the train, giving karate yells]
Woody: One-Eyed Betty?
[Mrs. Potato Head chases Woody across the train tops, then uses nunchucks to knock him off. As the Potato Heads look and laugh evily, Woody suddenly reappears, riding Bullseye with Jessie]
Jessie: I think you dropped something, mister!
Mr. Potato Head: Jessie?
Woody: Give it up, Bart! You've reached the end of the line!
Mr. Potato Head: I always wanted to go out with a bang!
[Mr. Potato Head presses a button on a remote, causing dynamite to blow up the bridge]
Jessie: Oh, no!
Woody: The orphans!
[cut to a group of Troll dolls riding the train]
Mr. Potato Head: Hate to leave early, but our ride is here!
[Three aliens drive up in a pink Barbie Corvette]
Aliens: Ooh!
Mr. Potato Head: It's me or the kiddies, Sheriff! Take your pick!
[the Potato Heads jump into the convertible and drive off]
Woody: Ride like the wind, Bullseye!

[the toys are meeting Buzz for the first time]
Hamm: So where you from? Singapore? Hong Kong?
Buzz: Well, no. Actually, I-I'm-- I'm stationed up in the Gamma Quadrant of Sector Four.
[as Buzz speaks, Woody looks down at the cardboard box and finds that everything that Buzz is saying is from the back of the box]
Buzz: As a member of the elite Universe Protection Unit of the Space Ranger Corps, I protect the galaxy from the threat of invasion... from the evil Emperor Zurg, sworn enemy of the Galactic Alliance!
Mr. Potato Head: [nonplussed] Oh, really? I'm from Playskool.
Rex: And I'm from Mattel. Well, I'm not really from Mattel. I'm actually from a smaller company that was purchased in a leveraged buyout.

[after Bonnie returns home from school, Woody opens up and gets out of Bonnie's backpack]
Trixie: [gasps] He did go to kindergarten!
Mr. Potato Head: I knew it!
Woody: No, no, no, guys, listen...
Buttercup: You tryin' to get Bonnie in trouble?
Woody: No, of course not!
Dolly: You could have been confiscated!
Rex: What does that mean?
Hamm: Taken away.
Rex: [gasps] NO!
Jessie: Or worse. You could have been lost!

Mr. Potato Head: You would not believe what I have been through tonight!

Buzz: Good work, men. Two blocks down and only nineteen more to go.
Mr. Potato Head: What?
Rex,28570: Nineteen?
Mr. Potato Head: Are we gonna do this all night? My parts are killing me.
Buzz: Come on, fellas. Did Woody give up when Sid had me strapped to a rocket?
Mr. Potato Head,22639: No.
Buzz: No. And did he give up when you threw him out of the back of that moving van?
Mr. Potato Head: Oh, you had to bring *that* up!
Buzz: No, he didn't! We have a friend in need, and we will not rest until he's safe in Andy's room! Now, let's move out!

Alien: You have saved our lives. We are eternally grateful.
Mrs. Potato Head: You saved their lives? My hero! They're so adorable. Let's adopt them!
Alien: [Gathering around Mr. Potato Head] Daddy!
Mr. Potato Head: Oh, no.

Mr. Potato Head: [to the Peas-in-a-Pod] I told you kids to stay out of my butt!

Mr. Potato Head: Hey, a laser! How come *you* don't have a laser, Woody?
Woody: It's not a laser! It's a...
[sighs in frustration]
Woody: It's a little light bulb that blinks.
Hamm: What's with him?
Mr. Potato Head: Laser envy.

Mr. Potato Head: [noticing Woody calling from Sid's house] Son of a building block!It's Woody!
Hamm: He's in the psycho's bedroom!
Bo: Woody?
Woody: Boy, am I glad to see you guys!
Slinky: I knew you'd come back!
Bo: What are you doing over there?
Woody: It's a long story, I'll explain later. Here! Catch this!
[Woody throws a string of Christmas lights across to Andy's window, which Slinky grabs successfully]
Slinky: I got it!
Woody: Good going Slink! Now tie it onto something!
Mr. Potato Head: Wait, I have a better idea! How about we don't?
[snatches the lights off Slinky]
Slinky: Hey!
Bo: Potato Head!
Mr. Potato Head: Did you all take those Stupid Pills this morning? Have you forgotten what he did to Buzz?
[the other toys shake their head]
Mr. Potato Head: And now you wanna let him back over here?
Woody: No, no. You got it all wrong Potato Head. Buzz is fine. Buzz is right here. He's with me.
Mr. Potato Head: You are a liar!
Woody: No i'm not!
[calling to Buzz]
Woody: Buzz, come over here and tell the nice toy's that you're not dead!
[Buzz sits on the floor of Sid's Room, peeling off the sticker of his wrist communicator]
Woody: Just a sec.
Woody: [walks back into Sid's room and calls over to Buzz] Buzz, will you get up here and gimme a hand?
[Buzz throws his broken-off arm to Woody]
Woody: Ha-ha, ha-ha. That's real funny. THIS IS SERIOUS!

[the road leading to Al's Toy Barn on the other side has a tonne of Traffic in the way of the Toys]
Rex: Oh well, we tried.
Buzz: [Holds onto Rex's tail] We'll have to cross.
Rex,40147: WHAT?
Mr. Potato Head: You're not turning me into a Mashed Potato.
Slinky: I may not be a smart dog, but I know what roadkill is.
Buzz: There must be a safe way.

Buzz: What's going on?
Woody: Nothing that concerns you space man, just us toys.
Buzz: I'd better have a look anyway.
[he looks through Lenny the binoculars]
Buzz: Why is that soldier strapped to an explosive device?
Woody: [moves Lenny] That's why. Sid.
Buzz: [seeing a dog] Sure is a hairy fella...
Woody: [re-moving the binoculars] No, no, that's Scud, you idiot. *That* is Sid.
Buzz: [Sid is laughing maniacally] You mean that happy child?
Mr. Potato Head: That ain't no happy child!
Rex: He tortures toys - just for fun!

[Whilst the toys search the Woody on Al's Office, unaware that he's not really there and in Al's Apartment, Al enters talking on the phone and walking over to the Fax Machine]
Slinky: [Whispering] It's him.
Hamm: The Chicken Man.
Buzz: Funny, he doesn't look like poultry.
Slinky: That's the Kidnapper alright.
Buzz: Kidnapper, an Agent of Zurg if I ever saw one.
Al: [Putting a photo of Woody through the Fax Machine] And the Piece de Resistance. I promise the Collection will be the Crown Jewel of your Museum.
[the photo pops out the Fax Machine through the other side, landing on the floor where the toys hid]
Slinky: It's Woody
Al: Now that I have your attention, imagine we added another Zero to the price, huh? What?
Al: [Overjoyed] Yes? Yes! You've got yourself a deal! I'll be on the next flight to Japan!
Mr. Potato Head: [Shocked] He's selling Woody to a Toy Museum.
Rex: In *Japan*.
[the toys all jump into Al's Bag]
Buzz: Into the Poultry Man's Cargo Unit. He'll lead us to Zurg. Move, move, move!
[Rex's tail hangs out of the bag, Al picks it up and laughs]
Al: [Cheering to himself] I'm gonna be rich! Rich! Rich!

[the toys are trying to find a way to enter Al's apartment building]
Mr. Potato Head: I say we stack ourselves up, push the intercom and pretend we're delivering a pizza.
Hamm: How about a ham sandwich? With fries and a hotdog?
Rex: What about me?
Hamm: Ah, you can be the toy that comes with the meal.

[Woody goes to the yard sale with the help of Buster, Andy's dog, to rescue Wheezy]
Mr. Potato Head: Where is he going? He's nuts!
Slinky: His arm ain't that bad.
Rex: [yells] Don't do it, Woody! We love yooooou!

Mr. Potato Head: [after spending the night in the daycare sandbox] It was cold and dark, nothing but sand and a couple of Lincoln Logs.
Hamm the Piggy Bank: Eh... I don't think those were Lincoln Logs.

Mr. Potato Head: [From under Andy's bed sheets] I found it.
Woody: You found my hat?
Mr. Potato Head: Your hat? No. The missus lost her earring.
[singsong to Mrs. Potato Head]
Mr. Potato Head: Oh my little sweet potato!
Mrs. Potato Head: [turning around fast] Ooh, you found it! Ohh, it's so nice to have a big, strong spud around the house.

[Mr. Potato Head watches hopefully as Andy open birthday presents]
Mr. Potato Head: Mrs. Potato Head, Mrs. Potato Head, Mrs. Potato Head... hey, I can dream, can't I?

Rex: [From Trailer] The panic is attacking me!
Mr. Potato Head: [From Trailer] Hey, watch it.

Mr. Potato Head: [From in the Cardboard box they'd been placed in for Moving] How did I get stuck with *you* as a moving buddy?
Rex: Everyone else was picked.

Mr. Potato Head: You Gotta Be Kidding!

Mr. Potato Head: Remember all that bad stuff I said about Andy's attic? I take it all back.
Slinky: Ya darn-tootin'
Hamm the Piggy Bank: You said it!

[Potato Head has saved some alien toys]
Alien: You have saved our lives. We are eternally grateful.
Mr. Potato Head: Will you just leave me alone?

Rex the Green Dinosaur: Mr. Lotso, do toys here get played with every day?
Lotso: All day long! Five days a week.
Jessie: But what happens when the kids grow up?
Lotso: Well now, I'll tell you.
[Lotso walks over to a wall with class photos from past years]
Lotso: When the kids get old, new ones come in. When they get old, new ones replace them. You'll never be outgrown, or neglected. Never abandoned or forgotten. No owners means - no heartbreak!
Jessie: Yee-haw!
Mrs. Potato Head: It's a miracle!
Mr. Potato Head: And you wanted us to stay at Andy's!
Woody: Because we're Andy's toys!
Lotso: [walks over] So you got donated by this "Andy", huh? Well it's his loss, Sheriff. He can't hurt you no more.
Woody: Whoa! Whoa, whoa whoa...
Lotso: Now let's get you settled in.

[from trailer]
Buzz: Hold on, this is no time to be hysterical!
Hamm the Piggy Bank: This is the perfect time to be hysterical.
Rex the Green Dinosaur: Should we be HYSTERICAL?
Slinky: No!
Mr. Potato Head: Yes!
Buzz: Maybe! But not right now!
Hamm the Piggy Bank: C'mon. Let's go see how much we're going for on eBay.

Mr. Potato Head: Prepare to meet
[shouts]
Mr. Potato Head: [he accidentally sticks his extra pair of shoes on his face and runs into a wall] Mr. Angry Eyes! Argh argh!

Hamm: Excuse me, ladies, but could any of you tell us where we might the Al of Al's Toy Barn?
Tour: I can help!
[slides down the slide and into the toy car]
Tour: I'm Tour Guide Barbie! Please keep your hands, arms, and accessories in the car, and no flash photography. Thank you.
Mr. Potato Head: I'm a married spud, I'm a married spud...
Hamm: [Hopping into the front seat of the car] Then make way for the single fellas.

[Woody explains his newfound past to his old friends]
Woody: Oh, you should have seen it. There was a record player. And a yo-yo. Buzz, I was a yo-yo!
Mr. Potato Head: [to Hamm] WAS?

Slinky: [after Buzz gets knocked out the window and lands into the bushes nearby] Hey guys, RC's trying to tell us something.
Rex: What is it Boy?
R.C. the Race Car: [RC whirrs his wheels]
Mr. Potato Head: He's saying that this is *no* accident!
Bo: What do you mean?
Mr. Potato Head: I mean Humpty Dumpty was pushed, by Woody!
[the toys all stare at Woody in shock]
Woody: Wait a minute, You don't think I even meant to knock Buzz out the window, do you? Potato Head?
Mr. Potato Head: That's Mr. Potato Head to *you* you backstabbing murderer!
Woody: Now, guys, it was an accident. C'mon, you-you've gotta believe me.
Slinky: We believe ya, Woody. Right, Rex?
Rex: [nervously] Well, I mean, uh, I don't like confrontations!
Mr. Potato Head: Couldn't handle Buzz cutting on your playtime, could you Woody? Didn't wanna face the fact that Buzz might be Andy's *new* favourite toy. So you got rid of him. Well what if Andy starts playing with *me* more Woody, huh? You gonna knock me out the window too?
Hamm: I don't think we should give him the chance.

[Mr. Potato Head rearranges his facial features crazily]
Mr. Potato Head: Hey, Hamm. Look, I'm Picasso!
Hamm: I don't get it.
Mr. Potato Head: You uncultured swine! What're you lookin' at, ya hockey puck?

Woody: [running towards Buzz in a mocking sort of manner] Buzz! Oh, Buzz! Buzz Lightyear! Buzz Lightyear, thank goodness! We've got trouble!
Buzz: Trouble? Where?
Woody: Down there. Just down there. A helpless toy! It's - It's trapped, Buzz!
Buzz: Then we've no time to lose.
[Buzz jumps over to the side of the desk, while Woody sneaks over to RC's remote, waking him up, and aiming him directly at Buzz]
Buzz: I don't see anything!
Woody: Uh, he's there. Just - Just keep looking.
[Woody sends RC driving towards Buzz. Buzz jumps out of the way, and RC crashes into the pin-up board in the corner, knocking all the pins down around Buzz. The board crashes down into Andy's globe, knocking it loose, rolling towards Buzz]
Woody: [Buzz jumps out of the globe's way, onto the windowsill, but the globe strikes Andy's folding-arm desk lamp. It spins over Woody, who ducks out of the way, and hits Buzz, sending him flying out the window]
Hamm,40146: [stop their card game, and run over to the window in panic] BUZZ!
Woody: Buzz!
[Buzz flies into the bushes nearby and disappears]
Slinky: [the rest of Andy's toys gather round] I don't see him in the driveway. I think he bounced into Sid's Yard.
[Woody gulps and backs away from the window after what happened]

Sergeant: [about the second present Andy opens] It's... it's bedsheets!
Mr. Potato Head: Who invited that kid?

Sergeant: [he and the other green soldiers leap out of the bucket onto Woody] There he is, men! Get him!
Mr. Potato Head: Let's string him up by his pull string!
[he and the other toys, apart from Slinky and Bo Peep rush on over toy Woody, and attempt to throw him out]
Bo: Would you boys stop it?
Andy: Okay, Mom, I'll be right down; I've gotta get Buzz.
[all the toys return to their places as Andy enters his room, looking for Buzz]
Andy: Mom, do you know where Buzz is?
Andy's: No, I haven't seen him.
[Mr. Potato Head looks grimly from behind Etch, having drawn a hangman noose]
Andy's: Andy, I'm heading out the door!
Andy: But Mom, I can't find him!
Andy's: Well honey, just grab some other toy; now, come on!
Andy: [picks up Woody and heads to the car] Okay.

[the Aliens have just saved the toys from the incinerator]
Mrs. Potato Head: You saved our lives!
Mr. Potato Head: And *we* are eternally grateful!
[hugs the aliens]
Mr. Potato Head: My boys!
Aliens: Daaaaaady!