The Best Cliff Clavin Quotes

Cliff: You were always there for me, Al.
Phil: I'm Phil. Al's been dead for fourteen years, ya dumb son of a bitch!

[Cliff, sitting in the co-pilot's seat, starts tapping on the covers of the plane's console's indicators]
Brian: Don't do that.
Cliff: Ah, your altimeter is stuck at zero there.
Brian: We're on the ground.

[Norm and Cliff from Boston, are taking a flight to Nantucket to go fishing. Brian is preparing for take-off]
Norm: I can't wait to get out on the water. Do you know how the fishing is over on Nantucket?
Brian: Oh, yeah, I hear they're biting like pitbulls at a mailman convention.
Norm: Hahahaha!
Cliff: [scowling at Brian] That's supposed to be funny?
Brian: I guess not.

Cliff: So whats goin down, Norm?
Norm: My blood alcohol level.

Cliff: I'm about ready to take off, there. How about you, Sky King?
Brian: Just one more pre-flight adjustment to make.
Cliff: What's that?
Brian: Would you two guys mind switching seats?
Cliff: Ah, I get it. Weight distribution of payload. Right you are.
[Gets up to change seats with Norm, all the while muttering]
Norm: Is this for safety reasons?
Brian: Oh, yeah. If he'd stayed up here, I'd've killed him.