150 Best Hill Street Blues Quotes

Detective J.D. LaRue: [talking to a doctor in the doctor's office] Okay. I'm a drunk. I tried to quit. I couldn't. And because I'm a drunk, I'm a liar, and nobody trusts a liar.
[sighs]
Detective J.D. LaRue: I lost my partner. I'm... I'm probably gonna lose my job.
[sighs again]
Detective J.D. LaRue: I'm scared. I've never been so scared in my life, Doctor. I'm scared to go to work, I'm scared to go home. I'm scared to be with a woman. I'm scared to be here. I need help. And... and if... if I don't get help now, I'm gonna die. And... and I don't wanna die.
[starts weeping]
Detective J.D. LaRue: Please, God. Please, God!
[sobbing, as the Doctor's consoling hand reaches in to pat him on the shoulder]
Detective J.D. LaRue: Please. Don't let me die...

Officer J.D. LaRue: [having just received the tip he needs from Sid] Sid, you are beautiful.
Sid: Heh. From certain angles.

Brenda: [explaining the disturbance to Hill and Renko] they won't listen, they won't mind, what am I supposed to do?
[pull back to reveal she is not discussing children, but an elderly couple]

Floyd: Still alive, Clive?

Joyce: Look on the plus side. The station's still standing, a prostitute killer's off the street... and somebody decked the Chief. I'd say it was a break-even day.

Officer: [looks in the lineup room] Oh God, that's him!
[Bobby looks]
Officer: That guy on the right, on the right, that's the man that shot me!
Capt. Frank Furillo: You're sure?
Officer: [breaks into a sweat, almost hysterical] I could pick his face out of a 200 mile lineup!

Ramon: You've got to make it.
Sylvia: Tell my kidneys.

Joyce: Are you quite finished?
Officer J.D. LaRue: No ma'am, I never seem to quite finish for hours and hours...

Det. Neal Washington: Look at you, you're half juiced!
Detective J.D. La Rue: Hey man, hey man, you come on now, I'm gonna tell you something. I haven't had...
[waits for Furillo & Calletano to walk past]
Detective J.D. La Rue: I haven't had a drink all day. One drink. Ok, one drink, all day.
Det. Neal Washington: Yeah, one drink out of a bowl!

Sgt. Mick Belker: [he's just overpowered a pawn shop robber] You want cream with your coffee, dog breath?

Dr. Stuart: So, officer Bates... you come here often?
[Lucy's look indicates she's in no mood for flirting]
Dr. Stuart: What happened?
Sgt. Lucy Bates: I knocked this kid out with my ribs.

Asst. Dist. Atty. Irwin Bernstein: I don't mean this to sound cold, but I had some business at the morgue this morning and I heard a rumor that he wasn't... 'dancing alone when the big one hit'.

Rodriguez: [Buntz & Rodriguez are captured and tied to chairs] He's going to kill us...
Lt. Norman Buntz: He's a worm, I'll eat this guy. Every minute we stay alive, our odds improve. You just fight 'em.

Detective: [to an arrested suspect] Would you like to sit down, hairball, or would you prefer internal bleeding?

Officer: [Hill can't stop laughing about the disposal of John Renko's body] Now what is so funny about this?
Officer: The whole thing! I'm sorry, cowboy, but it's so funny! Your old man sitting in that alley in his hospital greens with no shoes and Dog-Breath Belker offering him a bite of his sandwich!
Officer: [Renko stares to laugh too] If he wasn't dead already, Belker's breath would have killed him!
[they fall about in hysterics]
Officer: That's the first decent laugh that old man ever gave me!

Det. Henry Goldblume: [to Furillo after three teenage boys are arrested for a brutal barroom massacre] Where do you put your hate?

Chief: [enters Frank's office] Did you get a call from this 'Spanish Daily Bugle'?
Capt. Frank Furillo: [correcting him] Latin Daily Signal.

Lt. Howard Hunter: [to Lucy Bates] I was wondering if we could have a little verbal... mano a mano.
[Lucy looks confused]
Lt. Howard Hunter: ... A Talk.
Officer: Sure, about what?

Sgt. Phil Esterhaus: You're both reassigned to foot patrol.
Carmichael: Foot patrol? But it's cold out there!

Joyce: Irwin, you flirt.
Irwin: [small chuckle] Eh, Bernstein's rule number one: never flirt with a woman whose husband carries a gun.

Vincent: Whose that? Some Faggot?
Art: Yeah, the one that's going to put you away.

Lt. Howard Hunter: [about Belker's pet mouse] His name's Mickey?
Sgt. Mick Belker: Yeah.
Lt. Howard Hunter: [realizing] Mouse?
[smiles]
Sgt. Mick Belker: Not Mickey Mouse, Mickey Belker!

Officer J.D. LaRue: I almost died today...
[breaks down sobbing]
Officer J.D. LaRue: and I don't have anyone to talk to.
Det. Neal Washington: Come on, babe, come on, come on,
[hugs J.D]
Det. Neal Washington: It's alright.

Floyd: [shouting at Davenport] You're lying, you phoney old bitch!

Albert: This has not been a great day in the life of Albert Desjardin, Captain.

Capt. Frank Furillo: You set me up. You put me in the jackpot. You used me!
Chief: Of course I did, so what? I'm the chief and you're the captain.

Sgt. Mick Belker: Sorry Captain, he just wouldn't leave me alone.

Det. Neal Washington: [adressing Furillo] Captain, nothing on house to house on the Temkin street killing, sir.
Officer J.D. LaRue: Now wait a second, Neal, we did help that old lady get her husband's raindeer sweater back.

Capt. Frank Furillo: I've seen this before, don't think you're the only ones. You walked in the wrong doorway and got smacked, you both ought to be dead. Not because you screwed up, and not because you're bad cops, you're not, in fact you're exceptionally good, but it happens. And if you survive, it's never like it was, it's always with you: the what ifs, which one of us failed? The shame, embarrassment, the anger, and most of all, the fear of going back out there.
Officer: It doesn't faze me, Captain.
Officer: That's bull! You were scared out of your socks, turn on that light switch?
Officer: Who's telling who who's scared?
Officer: Sure I was, I can admit it, Renko, I've got no problem with that.
Officer: Then admit it! You're SWIMMING in it! Alright, so I'm nervous out there, big deal, you just make me plainclothes and I'll get over that REAL FAST.

Capt. Frank Furillo: Guy makes me wanna wash.
Joyce: Who, Daniels?
Capt. Frank Furillo: You hate to be on the same side with him even for different reasons. He gives you that knowing grin.

Sgt. Mick Belker: [takes out small mirror] See that? Now if you're a vampire, how come you cast a reflection? Huh?
Kevin Herman Dracula: I don't see anything.

Wilma: Police don't believe no one 'less they white. No matter nothin' they freaks and junkies and neck-suckin' vampires, long as they white neck-suckin' vampires.

Renko: [facing a giant woman swinging wooden board] Now look here, lady, I'm bigger than you are...
Coffey: [moves in front of Renko] No you're not. All right, Louella, enough's enough. We're gonna take you in.
[Louella remains calm]
Coffey: Lucy, slap the cuffs on her.
[walks to the door]
Renko: We'll just wait outside, darlin'.
[Hill, Renko and Coffey leave Lucy facing Louella her own]

Detective: I'm a police officer and you... are... BUSTED!

Irwin: [he's been badly shaken by the uncovering of a corrupt judge and possible major police corruption] It scares me, not knowing who to trust.
Capt. Frank Furillo: We could start with each other, Irwin.

[repeated line]
Sergeant: Let's do it to them before they do it to us.

Sgt. Phil Esterhaus: Before I get to the last item, I'd like to interject a personal observation. Seems we've reached a new low, graffiti-wise, in the men's and women's lavatories. Now, as an organization of mature men and women, I suggest that we clean up our act, our vocabulary, at the very least, our spelling. To the anonymous bathroom poet, breast is generally spelled: b r e A s t.

Officer: [Harris and Fuentes have been beaten up and their guns were stolen] What if one of those guns kills a cop?
Capt. Frank Furillo: Harris, there are enough guns out there to kill every one of us a dozen times over. I don't give a rat's bladder about your guns!

Furillo: Smart move, LaRue. You went out on an important operation in a unit with no brakes. How do you explain that? Maybe I can explain it for you.
Detective J.D. La Rue: Hey. Wa - wa -
Furillo: [removes bottle from LaRue's shirt] You're a drunk, my friend. And because you're a drunk, you're a screwup. And I'm through waiting for you to change. You got a couple of choices, pal. Either this, or you call a Lieutenant Johnson down at Division and you say to him, "I'm a drunk, and I want to change." You got that? "I want to change." Otherwise, you're out of this police department, and I mean now.
[hands bottle back to LaRue]

Det. Neal Washington: I just came from your house, even the cockroaches moved out!

Detective J.D. La Rue: [LaRue is attending his first AA meeting] My name's John...
[he takes a long breath]
Detective J.D. La Rue: i, I guess I'm an alcoholic.
AA: Hi, John!
[LaRue starts to sit back down]
Furillo: How you doing, J.D.?
[LaRue looks around the room in shock and sees Furillo sitting among the members]
Ben: You're most welcome to this meeting, John. There's a new life for you here if you want it... and we all hope you do.
[LaRue looks like he's about to cry as he nods yes]

[repeated line]
Sergeant: [at end of roll call] All right, that's it, let's roll. And Hey!... let's be careful out there.

Judge: [Belker is growling at lawyer Wachtel during night court] Would Detective Belker kindly put a muzzle on?

Window: [Frank and Joyce are about to kiss in a hotel room when there's a knock on the window] Window washer, sorry!

Sylvia: You know what it's like when a man with no hips tells you he loves you?
Off. Patrick Flaherty: Not for anything, ma'am.

Det. Sal Benedetto: What do I need? A lear jet to banana-land, a case of suntan oil, and Mrs. Dobson here to be blonde and twenty years old.
[laughs]
Det. Sal Benedetto: How's my chances?

Hal: Frank, listen. Believe me, nothing is going to change between you and little Frank.
Capt. Frank Furillo: [defensive] His name is Frank Jr.
Fay: Well, excuse me, mister, but it's very hard to tell who's name is Frank Jr. here, from the way you're behaving.

Capt. Frank Furillo: Until I hear otherwise, Phil will be finding you separate duty assignments.
[leaves the room]
Officer: [sees Renko tearing up] Oh man, don't start that.
[Renko starts crying, Bobby starts crying]
Officer: Will you stop that?
Officer: Don't tell me what to do. You wouldn't last more than 10 minutes out there without me anyway.
Officer: Oh yeah? I haven't been doing too good with you anyway.
[they look at each other and start laughing, then resume crying]
Officer: Oh man!
Officer: [stands up and grabs Hill] We need each other, Bobby.
[hugs him]
Officer: [smiling] I'm afraid we do, Cowboy.
Officer: Look, uh, why don't we just go get something to eat and uh, go back to work?
Officer: Yeah.

Sgt. Mick Belker: The doctor said she didn't suffer...
[breaks down crying]
Sgt. Mick Belker: And I'm gonna miss her so much!

Jesus: [thinking the Shamrocks kidnapped his sister] You better get a priest, CUZ YOU'RE DEAD!

[last lines]
Sergeant: Hey, Norm. Can you believe that? With all the fire and everything else, this old place is still sound.
Lt. Norman Buntz: Yeah. Believe that.
[leaves]
Sergeant: [answering phone] Hill Street.

Capt. Frank Furillo: [Fay is complaining about a 10 dollar parking ticket before lunchtime] I'll take care of the parking ticket.
Fay: [hushed voice, glancing left and right] You mean... fix it?
Capt. Frank Furillo: No, I mean pay it.

Joyce: [to Furillo, about the precinct's being flooded with dogs] It's a dog-eat-dog world, Pizza Man.

[repeated line]
Fay: [to Capt. Furillo, Chief Daniels and other males] Well, excuse me, mister!

Brenda: [crying, explaining why she hit her grandfather] He got confused and put a pork chop down the sink. I had a whole meal laid out. Now the plumbing's backed up. I'm a telephone operator. I make $223 a WEEK. If I pay a plumber, I can't afford his medicine.

[last lines]
Lt. Howard Hunter: [settling down for the night in a stable to watch over his sick horse Apollo] I'm here, boy.

Duvivier: Give me the damn goat, man, stop this nonsense!
Sgt. Mick Belker: Listen barn-breath, no damn picture, no damn goat.

Officer: [finding their squad car stolen, Renko's furious, trying to calm him down] Renko, we lose a couple of cars a month.

[last lines]
Capt. Frank Furillo: [the news about the Governor's missing dog is on every news channel] There's no escaping it!
Joyce: [turns off the TV and the light, laughing] $30,000 for a lap-dog?
[she snuggles up to Furillo in bed]
Capt. Frank Furillo: Please... don't hound me, counselor.
Joyce: You telling me to put a muzzle on it, Captain?
Capt. Frank Furillo: Why don't we just... just let -...
Capt. Frank Furillo,20570: Sleeping dogs lie?
[They burst out laughing]

Renko: I swear, I cannot figure out how those little Munchkin like legs got down to those pedals and saw to drive.
[pats Speedboat on the head]
Speedboat: [slaps away Renko's hand] I'll kill you for that, Pork Chop!

Capt. Frank Furillo: J.D. you lie the way the rest of us breathe.

Fay: How are you doing?
Capt. Frank Furillo: I've been better...
Capt. Frank Furillo: I know, but have you ever been any worse?

[repeated line]
Belker: Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Sgt. Howard Hunter: [during Roll Call] Sgt. Stanis Jablonski, Metro Police, retired, is going hunting with several of our colleagues.
Sgt. Lucy Bates: They're going out to kill Bambi.
[laughter and murmering from the other cops]
Sgt. Lucy Bates: They're going out to slaughter poor defenceless creatures.
Officer J.D. LaRue: Hey, if you can eat it, you can kill it.
Sgt. Lucy Bates: Wanna keep your personal life to yourself, LaRue?

Det. Neal Washington: Hey J.D., we gotta get back to the precinct, babe. Somethin' about a missing heart.
Officer J.D. LaRue: That's not fatal. Rob's lived with that for years.

Capt. Frank Furillo: I don't have too many words, people... It's gonna be a difficult day. I know the caution Phil would urge on you: be careful out there.

Joyce: Frank, I wanna see you make commander. And for more reasons than just the shape of your nose.

Det. Henry Goldblume: [strapped with dynamite] I have a selfish interest in this, I don't want to get blown up.

Sgt. Mick Belker: Miss Davenport, you're as far from a dirtbag as they come.
Joyce: Thank you.

J.D. LaRue: [Farnsworth is trying to sell better protection for the flame on Belker's father's grave but J.D. grabs him by the lapels] Now you take your all-weather wind break, your copper delivery system and you three quarter inch wick and you cram it, Farnsworth! Now, he ain't springing for dime one. Now I've got a perfect view of this cut-rate boneyard of yours from the 36th street overpass every day on my way to work. Alright, now I don't care it's four O'clock in the morning, there's a hurricane blowing out here. I catch the flame on my partner's dad's grave out for one second, and you're gonna be perpetually eternally dead. Not perpetually, not eternally, but perpetually eternally dead! Now you got it?

Capt. Frank Furillo: [William Mullins has been threatening Joyce in front of Furillo] If she ever hears from you, if she even sees you across a crowded street, you better pray she stays healthy, my friend. You better pray she doesn't even catch a cold, or trip and turn an ankle, because I swear to you, if anything happens to my wife, I'll kill you.

Capt. Frank Furillo: You wanna make love?
Joyce: It could cost you your life.
Capt. Frank Furillo: I'll risk it.

Lt. Howard Hunter: What is it like, being a hebrew?
Det. Henry Goldblume: Well, I don't know, Howard. What's it like being a human being?

Sgt. Mick Belker: [filling out arrest report] What's your name?
Pickpocket: F. Scott Fitzgerald.
Sgt. Mick Belker: What's the F. stand for?
Pickpocket: Francis.

Capt. Jerry Fuchs: [Benedetto has been temporarily transferred to the Hill without Captain Fuch's notice] Gee, eh, my phone must have been out of order.
Chief: If I had wanted you at this meeting, Jerry, you'd have been notified.

Tony: [he's offering Leo money to give him back his belt so he can hang himself] I could write a letter to my attorney. It's as good as a cashier's check. $10,000... just give me my belt and go away for a few minutes.
Leo: No soap, Marino, you get nothing.
Tony: Maybe I'm just trying to do the honorable thing.
Leo: It's not going to be that easy for you.

Fay: [happier than usual] You know, getting mugged is the best thing that's happened to me since our divorce, Frank.
Furillo: Gee, thanks.

Sal: [referring to Sgt. Bates] Sergeant Buns around today?
Lt. Norman Buntz: [Buntz walks up] Eh, that would be Lieutenant Buntz.
Sal: Ah-ah. Blondie, tall drink of water. Tell her Sal's lookin' for her.

Fay: He had all my drawers pulled out, he pulled down my bedspread, he stole my underwear!
Capt. Frank Furillo: Did you touch anything?
Fay: No, I used to be married to a cop, I know what to do.

Capt. Frank Furillo: I wonder how he managed to handle two wives, emotionally.
Joyce: When you couldn't even manage one?

Jesus: [to the Shamrocks] We gonna napalm this whole neighborhood!

[repeated line]
Belker: Sit, hairball!

Sgt. Mick Belker: [Detective Brooks has been murdered while working undercover] I told you, but you wouldn't listen. I told you we shoulda pulled him out of there right after the warehouse bust. I begged you. And on the phone, when he didn't show up for his wire, he kept telling me to "wait"...
Lt. Ray Calletano: Mick, it wouldn't have changed anything.
Sgt. Mick Belker: How do we know that? He had it all ahead of him, and you threw his life away. His death is on your head.
Capt. Frank Furillo: They all are, Mick.

Officer: [driving a patrol car] You wanna get married, Lucy?
Officer: I can't today, Joe.

Det. Henry Goldblume: Don't worry, Fay. Running away from home is as American as apple pie.

Officer: Where's Wash?
Officer John 'J.D.' LaRue: Doin' a Rumba with Sal Benedetto. How the hell would I know?

Lt. Norman Buntz: I thought I might go by and see... see Mrs. Rodriguez. I just want her to know that he stood up there and he didn't flinch. He was an honor to the badge.
Capt. Frank Furillo: I'm sure she'd appreciate hearing that.
Lt. Norman Buntz: Yeah, well, it's a lie, but at least it's something.

Det. Henry Goldblume: [on payphone] Mick, you ever wish you could get even with your High School bully?
Sgt. Mick Belker: [on other line at police station] I did.
Det. Henry Goldblume: [smiles] Well, this is gonna be better.

Sgt. Mick Belker: Bates, tell Kevin here that goin' into a cell is your standard vampire procedure, you tell 'em.

Sgt. Mick Belker: Goodbye, Sweetheart. Pop will take care of you now.

Joyce: [as Wachtel is getting arrested in the precinct] Nice cufflinks, Alan. Morals charge, or just felony bad taste?

Capt. Frank Furillo: What can I do for you?
Fay: Get a divorce and marry me?

Sgt. Lucy Bates: What do you know about this horse over here?
The: [wearing a western outfit, a sombrero and carrying a saddle] How should I know anything about a horse?

LaRue: [trying to cheer Hunter up by changing the subject] Bobby's gonna put that bum in four different hospitals.

Officer: I want to go into plainclothes; Esterhaus promised me he'd talk to you about it.
Capt. Frank Furillo: Alright, let's run the request up to division; you know you'll have to leave the precinct.
[to Bobby]
Capt. Frank Furillo: What about you? What's your problem?
Officer: [about Renko] Him.
Capt. Frank Furillo: Fine! Then it's solved: you're divorced.
Officer: [turns around, shocked] Just like that?
Capt. Frank Furillo: You got it, Hill, just like that.
[Bobby turns back to the window]

Sgt. Howard Hunter: Item six, a memo from division: since the new copy machines have been installed, printing costs from all precincts have risen over 300 per cent. Starting noon today, the copier will accept only those documents that have been stamped with a police identification code.
[rumbling from the cops in attendance]
Sgt. Howard Hunter: Further more, the department will absorb the cost of four, and only four, reprints. Any number over four, and it's your nickle.
Officer J.D. LaRue: Hey sarge, sergeant, are you aware that the D.A.'s office is asking for five copies of all arrest reports?
Sgt. Howard Hunter: Which is why God invented carbon paper, detective.

Officer: Oh, lord! I'm green!

Officer J.D. LaRue: [Goldblume is having marriage problems] You tried hitting her, Henry?
Det. Henry Goldblume: Great John, you're a huge help.
Officer J.D. LaRue: I know my women, Henry.
Det. Henry Goldblume: Your women?
[J.D. nods]
Det. Henry Goldblume: You haven't had a meaningful relationship with a woman since your mother quit breastfeeding you.

Sgt. Mick Belker: Alright! 3 years ago I bit off a nose, one lousy nose! And I'm branded for life! You think I don't know what you call me? Belker the Biter!

Det. Sal Benedetto: You want a free shot, hm?
[closes his eyes as if expecting a punch]
Officer: Maybe some time at night, when your back's turned.

Captain: Stop this criminal act, or I shall be forced to use violence!

Joyce: I'm told they give you valium here.
Celestine: Yeah, what, ten milligrams? Ten milligrams I couldn't get my thumb to sleep if I was sitting on it!

Rhonda: [being brought into the precinct wearing cuffs] Can you get me outta here? It's my mother's birthday.
Danny: You got the wrong guy, Rhonda, I'm fired.
Rhonda: What do you mean, fired?
Danny: I mean, the city council just did to me, what you get done to you all day.

Fay: Midge says that I am suppressing my true, Amazonian sexuality.
Capt. Frank Furillo: Oh, Midge Dolson can go suppress her... face.

[answering frequent phone calls]
Detective: Belker. Hi, ma.

[repeated line]
Belker: Sit down, dog breath!

Det. Neal Washington: I've got three words for you, J.D.. Statue Tory Rape.

Washington: [Bobby's boxing match is about to commence] This guy is a real chump, Bobby.
LaRue: He couldn't hit the ground falling out of a tree.
[J.D. and Neal step down from the ring]
LaRue: [out of Bobby's earshot] Bobby's dead.
Washington: Simmons'll kill 'em.

Fay: You know, I had an erotic dream about you the other night. Do you ever dream about me?
Capt. Frank Furillo: [smiles] I've been known to.

Fay: [close to tears] I swear, Frank, I get more support from my pantyhose than I do from the cops in this garbage dump of a city!

Sgt. Phil Esterhaus: Alright, that's it, let's roll. Hey!
[holds up index finger]
Sgt. Phil Esterhaus: Lets be careful out there.

Renko: [about Shirret] You know, I trust that woman about as far as I can spit canal water.

Lt. Howard Hunter: When a warrior falls, there is no anguish more profound than that of his shield bearer.

Det. Neal Washington: [finds two boxes filled with stolen airline tickets] Lookie here, lookie here: one way to Felony-land.

Lt. Howard Hunter: Doggone it, Phil, I have proven myself a first rate nimrod from Dartmouth to Da Nang. And I'll be damned if I'll be crucified for one wet squib!

Sgt. Phil Esterhaus: Your uncustomary silence testifies amply to the esteem in which we hold the subject of this last item. Now we all know who's in here.
[points to a green urn]
Sgt. Phil Esterhaus: To most people this would seem just a common urn, but we know it holds one of the premier phone installers of the country: Officer Marvin Oliver Box, or simply Marve, as we knew him. Born, 16 May, 1946, deceased, just last Tuesday, in this very room, with uniform on, and drillbit in hand. Marve must have known that he would be leaving us soon, because we found a small poem in his will, which we've had inscribed on this, this vessel here.
[picks up the urn to read the inscription]
Sgt. Phil Esterhaus: Uh, "I've laid a lot of cable, and I've strung a lot of line, sure it gets lonely, but that's okay, because it brings people closer together." Per his final will and testament, Marve was cremated yesterday at Bolinsky's Crematorium, and he will lie in state besides the squad room coffee machine for the remainder of the afternoon.
[pause]
Sgt. Phil Esterhaus: Marve, let's roll, huh? And let's be careful up there.
[looks up]

Earl: You reported me!
Lt. Norman Buntz: And people say you're stupid!

Capt. Frank Furillo: A call from whom?
Rollie: I don't know. A voice. Somebody who knew my number. I tell ya, I get a call like that, I listen.
Det. Sal Benedetto: But you didn't recognize it?
Rollie: It was dark. I couldn't hear so good.

Captain: [jumps on the hood of a car] Stop this criminal act!

Lt. Ray Calletano: I have been left in charge and I am the boss.
Lt. Howard Hunter: Oh, no, no, no, Raimundo, I am the boss.
[smiles]
Lt. Ray Calletano: [annoyed] I am the boss, Howard.
Lt. Howard Hunter: Oh, I'm not arguing rank, compadre, it's inflection. You're stressing the wrong word. It's not 'I am the boss', it's 'I am the boss'.
[big smile]
Lt. Ray Calletano: You are a jerk!

Sgt. Stan Jablonski: [having dismissed the officers at the end of rollcall] Hey!
[everybody stops and turns]
Sgt. Stan Jablonski: Lets be careful out there.

Tony: [glancing at the man in the cell next to him] What did he do?
Officer: That's the cop killer. Something you got in common.
Tony: He don't look like much.
Officer: The similarities continue.

Capt. Frank Furillo: [finding out two new cops got jumped and their guns stolen and are planning to return with baseball bats] Gentlemen, I've been a cop for 17 years, and I've been to my share of 'softball games', so why don't we stop trying to kid a kidder?

Capt. Frank Furillo: You're being charged with the attempted homicide of two officers during the commission of a felony. You're also charged with possession of heroin at the time of arrest. We're now going to transfer you to the Michigan Avenue Complex.
Eddie: I swear to God, man, I didn't shoot anybody!
Det. Henry Goldblume: It's gonna be okay, son.
[Eddie was comfort by Henry]

Officer: What's your name?
Kid: Speedboat!
Officer: Not your street name, your real name.
Kid: I'm Bobby.
Officer: Bobby? Hey, you know, that's my real name, too.
Kid: I like Speedboat!

William: Ain't no big deal, man, I be high in an hour. Then I got me some business to take care of.
Det. Neal Washington: You ain't doing business no more, chump, you got that? You are getting done to!

Sgt. Mick Belker: [about his pet mouse, Mickey] Have you ever noticed how some dogs immediately take to fire engines? Well, this little guy's got a real talent for police work. I met him on a stakeout. Just the two of us, up in an attic alone for nine hours. The whole time this little guy never made a peep.

Joyce: [referring to Chief Fletcher] I hate it when that man smiles.
Capt. Frank Furillo: Good instincts.

Lt. Howard Hunter: Keenly interested as I am in the opinion of coffee-shop help, madam, I must nonetheless insist that you exchange this brûlée grotesque for one medium rare. In addition to which, you will henceforth address me as "Lieutenant."
Lt. Howard Hunter: Perhaps if you did your job properly, you'd be compensated properly! Why, in Saudi Arabia, you'd be physically maimed for this sort of malfeasance!

Rob: If not for your sake, then do it for hers? Peg'd sleep a lot better...
J.D. LaRue: Peg'd sleep a lot better if you weren't getting it on with that little cookie in there.

Capt. Frank Furillo: This girl worked at the Heads and Tails Club. She was a veteran prostitute at the ripe old age of 15, now she didn't get EITHER place by herself.

Chief: [talking about the possible corruption in the Midtown precinct] Occur to you whose precinct that was?
Capt. Frank Furillo: [pause, then] Yes.
Chief: Commander Cleveland of Midtown. Wouldn't that be something, Frank, if Ozzie got tarred with this brush?
Capt. Frank Furillo: I think the whole department would be tarred. I don't think there'd be any winners, Chief.

Lt. Norman Buntz: You know something, I just had a birthday.
Sid: Happy birthday, how old are you?
Lt. Norman Buntz: I just had a birthday waiting for you to get to the point.

Chaplain: In watching Phil teach our recruits, I experienced his compassion, his quiet strength, his joy of life, and his deep sense of responsibility. Let me read you a poem which conveys these qualities in him.
[Starts reading]
Chaplain: I am at ease. It's end of day. My duty has been done. The hour calls me far away, beyond the setting sun. Meet me by the ocean's rocks, in the shadows on the lane. Find me in the snowflakes as they crowd against the pane. Or beckon me in silence, then listen to the breeze. And you will hear me always, for at last I stand at ease.
[Finishes reading poem]
Chaplain: Phil's wish that he be cremated was carried out earlier this morning. There will be no graveside service. God bless you and thank you for coming.
Officer: [Walks to chaplain] That was very moving, sir. The rock and the silence and all. Was that Simon and Garfunkel?
Chaplain: No, that was Phil Esterhaus. He wrote a lot of poetry.

Sid: Norm, while you were out 'going hollywood', I was providing Detectives LaRue and Washington with invaluable information.
Lt. Norman Buntz: Don't tell me: you solved the Marilyn Monroe case.

Capt. Frank Furillo: [finding out two cops went to the wrong address, arrested an innocent man, and beat him with a board, issuing them to release him] Don't hurt him anymore. Don't touch him. Don't even shake his hand!

Capt. Frank Furillo: [reading Sgt. Esterhaus' last letter to the officers of the Day Shift] "Perhaps you'd thought you'd heard the last from me, but I desire to turn you out one last time before assuming the duties of my new assignment. There I'm sure we'll all be double-shifting together again; I hope not for a long time. Item one: the shedding of crocodile tears is strictly prohibited. Hoist a shot or two if you must, I'll look the other way, but not when you're on duty. Item two: let us not forget in their bereavement the loved ones of our departed fellows. Look in on Grace once in a while, my friends. Item three: remain my kind of cops. Find something of worth in each person, something to care for in each situation. Dress neatly, speak politely. You have declared your faith in society... keep that faith, it will keep you. Item last: though the Hill is generally considered the wastebasket of this city's law enforcement minions, I have found its denizens to be the fairest, most courageous and hard-working I've been privileged to know. Gentlemen and ladies, it has been a rare pleasure. Now pick your butts up and let's roll. And remember always... let's be careful out there."

Capt. Frank Furillo: I got half a dozen report cards from civilians who seem to think you're a couple of out-patients from county psychiatric; what the hell's wrong with you?

Det. Neal Washington: [Benedetto has shot Sonny Crocket multiple times] The man's dead.
Det. Sal Benedetto: Yeah, I knew something was wrong with him.

Capt. Frank Furillo: [about the cop Belker bit] Any teeth marks?
Det. Henry Goldblume: No, looks like a clean bite.

Officer: [wearing riot gear, facing a group of looters] Just because there's a power failure, doesn't mean the laws are canceled.

Lt. Howard Hunter: [after struggling to get Paul 'The Wall' up the precinct stairs] That old parable about Mohammed and the mountain comes to mind. If Mohammed won't come to the mountain...
Sgt. Stan Jablonski: We don't need a parable, Lieutenant. We need a forklift.
Lt. Howard Hunter: Actually, in this case, it's the mountain that can't get to Mohammed.
Sgt. Stan Jablonski: [Still gasping from exertion] What?
Lt. Howard Hunter: Well, what I'm simply suggesting is that we call in the coroner, cordon off the area, let him proceed with his autopsy, and then we'll remove this fella piece by piece.
Lt. Henry Goldblume: I saw that movie. "Texas Chainsaw Coroner."

Renko: [acting as Bobby Hill's boxing coach] No pain, no gain, don't be lame, don't go insane.

Felon: [Henry has brought a stray dog into the precinct] Sir, sir, I love dogs and I could really help you out. For instance, I could take him for a walk, right away if you'd like.
[a female officer closes the cell door and locks him in]
Officer: Very creative, Seymour.

Sgt. Mick Belker: I don't need any help.
Security: You're not dealing with untrained personnel here, I mean, I got college credits in police science.
Sgt. Mick Belker: You study English, too?
Security: Yeah, so?
Sgt. Mick Belker: So how come you don't understand when I tell you to take off?

Second: [Hill & Renko have been called to an apartment where two toddlers have been left unattended] She's down the street in a tavern.
Officer: The mother?
Second: That's right, that's where she goes.
Officer: Then why didn't someone say something before we broke the door in?

Myrna: I hope you enjoy this, Leo. I hope this is worth a life without sex.

Lt. Ray Calletano: [on dispatch phone] Three undercover officers on the same bus? Who are they protecting, each other?

Jorge: Do I look like a kidnapper to you?
Officer J.D. LaRue: Man, with your breath, I don't think you could get close enough to anybody to kidnap 'em.

Leo: [to arrested corrupt cop Lt. Marino] This is a different precinct, Marino. You don't buy cops here.