The Best Dan Byrd Quotes

Ian: You're controlling the future of human civilization?
Dr. Kevin Christie: Is that what they're calling it? It's a very nice euphemism for a species that has replicated like a contagion across the planet, killing all other species in its wake. Except things that are cure, like puppies or koalas.
Wilson: Pandas.
Dr. Kevin Christie: Never in history has there been a creature begging for extinction more than the fuckin' panda. Except us.

Ian: [standing over body] You wanna say a few words?
Jessica: Sunrise. Shovel fast... .

Jules: I have a date with this mean dermatologist. She's the worst.
Travis: Then why do you go to her?
Jules: Because she's the best.

Pastor: We've got the same goal here, George.
George Cooper Sr.: Really? You also want you to get out of my office?

Carter: You gotta love high school.

Jules: I'm guessing the boy I flashed goes to your school
Travis: Yes he does.
Jules: Is he single?... Kidding! Why don't you ever laugh at my jokes?
Travis: Because they make me sad.

Carter: How do you feel?
Sam: I'll let you know when I can catch my breath.

Sam: [Carter and Sam are driving back towards the diner and Carter drives slow with his Dad's Mercedes] Carter, you could have totally made that light.
Carter: Uh, FYI Sam, yellow means slow down, not speed up.
Sam: I need the Fast and the Furious, not Driving Miss Daisy.

Carter: Have no fear! Zorro is here! And he's got the keys to his dad's Mercedes!

Sam: Carter, what are you wearing?
Carter: What? This is my Snoop-dizzle look!

Pastor: Y'know, I'm just not sure quoting scripture is the most exciting way to engage.
Mary: I was going more for guilt and fear.
Pastor: Well, those are classics for a reason...

Rhonda: [to Carter] Call me girlfriend one more time.
Carter: Okay, sorry.