50 Best George Cooper Sr. Quotes

Dale: I was married for 18 years and I gotta tell ya, it was the two best years of my life.
George: What's it like, you bein' single at yer age?
Dale: Are you thinkin' about it?

George Cooper Sr.: Georgie, do you mind? We're trying to talk.
Georgie: So? You can talk anywhere, but this is the only room in the house with a TV in it.
Mary: Georgia, leave the room.
Georgie: Fine, suit yourself.
[gets up]
Georgie: But if I was allowed to have a TV in my own room, we wouldn't be having this situation now would...
George Cooper Sr.: Get out.

[last lines]
Local: In local news, Friday night's football game was marred by a brutal injury, when football coach George Cooper saved himself at the expense of beloved school librarian Cheryl Hutchins.
George: Oh, no.
Local: We warn you, the following footage is hard to watch.
George: Well, then don't show it.
Local: [the clip plays] Let's see it again in slow motion.
George: This is not news!

[Sheldon has been given in the lead in his High School production of Annie]
George Sr.: Wanna talk to you 'bout this play.
Sheldon: I'm excited about it, too.
George Sr.: Y'know, if you play the part of a girl, people might make fun of you.
Sheldon: Mr Lundy's trying to push the boundaries of drama in East Texas. One way to do that is cross-gender casting.
George Sr.: Let me rephrase that. If you play the part of a girl, people *will* make fun of you.
Sheldon: In Shakespeare's time, the men played all the female parts. No-one made fun of it.
George Sr.: If Shakespeare went to public High School, it'd be a different story.
[after a discussion of both sides, it's clear Sheldon is determined to be Annie]
George Sr.: Can you at least wear pants instead of a dress?
Sheldon: I'll give you a definite 'maybe'.

George Sr.: I'll see you in a bit.
Mary: Where are you off to?
George Sr.: I'm going to Dallas to get Sheldon.
Mary: Really?
George Sr.: Yeah, really.
Meemaw: What about this being a great opportunity for him?
George Sr.: Y'all want me to go or not?
Mary: [simultaneously] Yes! Go!
Meemaw: Yes, and hurry up!

Georgie: So you just put her in my room without consulting me?
George: Consulting you? Who cares what you think?
Georgie: Well, I ain't gonna sleep on the couch.
Mary: It's just for a few nights until she can take care of herself.
Georgie: Can I at least stay at Meemaw's?
George: If you promise not to come back.
Georgie: Why you got to be so mean to me?
George: It just feels right.

Dale: Well, to answer your question, it's just great. See, I get to wander around the house in my underwear and I can make whatever bodily noises I choose whenever I choose.
George: Oh, I do that now.
Dale: Well then you got yourself a keeper.

George Sr.: Here we go. Fifteen years and fourteen hours later, the best brisket in Texas.
[tastes some]
George Sr.: Connie, you evil bitch!

George Cooper Sr.: [about giving Missy the sex talk] I've got two words for you: not it!

Mary: Well, I'm happy to report that my potato salad is once again the hit of the potluck.
George Sr.: That's great, honey.
Mary: I feel sorry for Pam Staples. No one's touching her potato salad.
Sheldon: If you feel bad, then why are you smiling?
Meemaw: 'Cause sometimes your mommy's a big ol' hypocrite.

Sheldon: [narrating] The science fair may be a competition, but when the goal is promoting knowledge, we're all winners.
Principal: And the winner of the Medford High School Science Fair is... SueAnn Ludlow!
Sheldon: You've got to be kidding me!
Mary: Shelly...
Sheldon: You people are crazy!
George Sr.: [sotto voce, while picking up Sheldon and carrying him out of the science fair] All right...
Sheldon: You're celebrating mediocrity! Mediocrity! MEDIOCRITY!

George Cooper Sr.: You're sitting here waiting to be handed the answer and that's not how life is.

George Cooper Sr.: [after a thunderstorm rains out the shuttle launch] Sheldon, can I tell you a secret?
Sheldon: Sure.
George Cooper Sr.: I've never really understood how thunder and lightning work.
Sheldon: Didn't they teach it to you in high school?
George Cooper Sr.: Well they probably did, but I got hit in the head a lot during football. Can you explain it to me?

George: If he comes to his senses and dumps you, I'm gonna stay friends with him.
Connie: Good. If he dumps me, he deserves to suffer.

[Sheldon has been sent to the principal's office for talking back to his science teacher. He's waiting in the principal's secretary's office, while she talks to Principal Petersen]
Principal: Does he know I'm in here?
Sheldon: [over PA] Attention students and faculty:
Principal: Oh no!
Sheldon: This is Sheldon Lee Cooper.
Principal: [jiggling his office doorknob, but it won't open. Sheldon has jammed it with a chair from the other side] What the hell...
Sheldon: We're taught that hard work pays off, but that's not true. I cam up with a solution to save Earth from killer asteroids. And lost the science fair to Sue Ann Ludlow and her frizzy hair machine.
[cut to Sue Ann in class, looking confused]
Sheldon: But is wasn't just me who lost. We all lost. Wake up people. The system's broken.
[cut to his brother, Georgie, looking embarrassed, in class]
Sheldon: Real innovation isn't valued. Nowadays, it's all about flash and style. I blame MTV. Luckily, my parents can't afford cable.
George Sr.: [cut to his father, George Sr., in hallway] I can afford it.
Sheldon: [cut to principal's office, where Petersen is climbing out his window to get to secretary's office] I urge you all to rise up! They can't send everyone to the principal's office. Chew gum in class! Use a #1 pencil! Go nuts!
Sheldon: [Principal Petersen is climbing through secretary' office window] This is Sheldon Lee Cooper, signing off! Live Long and prosper!
[runs out of office]
Principal: You'd better run, you little punk!

Mary: Flora, I have to ask about the living arrangements. That's our main concern.
Dr. Flora Douglas: Well, I think I can reassure you about that. My husband and I have been hosting a student for the last several years who recently graduated and is now at Princeton. So we have a guest room available in our home.
George Sr.: That's very generous of you. Does your husband work at the school also?
Dr. Flora Douglas: No, he's retired. He was an astrophysicist for NASA.
Sheldon: [his interest piqued] Please tell me you don't have a dog.
Dr. Flora Douglas: No. We're both allergic.
Sheldon: [turning to Mary] I'm tingling.

Sheldon: [seeing how well-behaved and studious the Wilmont students are] What's wrong with them?
Mary: What are you talking about?
Sheldon: They're so quiet. Are they on medication?
Mary: No. They're just smart like you.
Sheldon: I've been going to school in a zoo.
George Sr.: [quietly to Mary] Not too sure about these uniforms. Kinda froufrou.

Georgie: [He and George are watching football in the living room] I ain't never gettin' married.
George Sr.: Is that so?
Georgie: Girls ain't nothin' but trouble.
[No sooner than that leaves his mouth, the phone rings. He jumps up]
Georgie: I'll get it.
[Runs to the phone and picks up, bad suave voice]
Georgie: Hello. Georgie speaking.
Missy: [At Meemaw's] Did you run to the phone? Do you feel stupid?
[Cut back to Georgie, he hangs up]

[last lines]
Brenda: You want some company?
George Cooper Sr.: Sure.

Mary: Look, we appreciate you going to bat for him, but he's just a wee little thing. We can't ship him off to Dallas.
George Sr.: Well, shouldn't we talk about this first?
Mary: What's there to talk about, George?
George Sr.: This could be a great opportunity for Sheldon.
Mary: He's nine years old.
George Sr.: Oh, come on, you can't measure him in Earth years.
Mary: You're saying he's an alien?
Principal: Well, in George's defense, that idea has been tossed around...
[George non-verbally warns him to stop]
Principal: ...a little bit. That's a bad joke. Look, I understand this is a big decision. If you change your mind, give me a call. I'd be more than happy to set up an interview.

George Sr.: [having different perspectives on the family in Dallas] Oh, come on. You're making it out like they were some kind of monsters. Sheldon has his own room. There's books everywhere. Even has a big old back yard he won't play in.
Mary: Aren't you forgetting something?
George Sr.: What?
Mary: The underground laboratory.
George Sr.: I think it's called a finished basement, honey.
Mary: I know what I saw.

Sheldon: [During dinner] Mom, I was going through our expenditures and I noticed our grocery bills are up 12% compared to last quarter. Any idea why?
George Sr.: Well, there's a person at the end of the table who eats for free.
Meemaw: [Crassly] And there's a person at the *other* end of the table who eats for *three*!

Georgie: [after George took a Polaroid picture of Georgie cleaning his room for Veronica] What are you doing?
George: Documentation. This may never happen again.

Coach: How's she doing?
George: Well, not bad. Could be worse. A little whiplash, couple of bruised ribs, broken arm... and collarbone. But that's it.
Coach: Pretty funny how you jumped out of the way and let her get clobbered.
George: I did not jump out of the way!
Coach: Oh, yeah, you did.
[snickering]
Coach: They got you on tape.
George: Okay, fine. But that was pure instinct. Besides, she shouldn't have been standing on the sidelines.
Coach: Why was she there?
George: [a little embarrased] I told her she could.
Coach: [laughing] Oh, man you must feel terrible.
George: Yeah, of course I do.
Coach: I mean, it's *all* on you.
George: You done?
Coach: Oh, baby, I'm just getting started.

Georgie: [Reading from a list on how to get rich] 'Sell blood or other non-vital organs.'
George Cooper Sr.: Mm, give 'em your brain. You're not using it.
Sheldon: [laughs awkwardly]
George Cooper Sr.: I think that's the only time I've ever heard you laugh.
Sheldon: That's the only time you've ever been funny.

[flashback to a camping trip with Sheldon, his father and brother in silhouette in a tent]
Sheldon: Moth! Moth!
George Cooper Sr.: Sheldon, it's like a butterfly.
Sheldon: How is that better? Butterfly! Butterfly!
[Sheldon runs screaming from the tent]

George Cooper Sr.: Who the hell is this?
Sheldon: This is Nathan. He's been to four comic-cons
Meemaw: And he's leaving.
Nathan: Are you sure?
Meemaw: Beam your ass out of here.
Nathan: Yes Ma'am
[stands up]
Nathan: One to beam up. Energize.
[flashes the Vulcan hand symbol and transports away]
Sheldon: OK, that last part didn't happen, but boy, that would've been neat
Sheldon: That was so neat.

Georgie: [after an argument with Dr Sturgis, Sheldon declares a Math Emergency] What's a Math Emergency?
George Cooper Sr.: That's when things don't add up.
[he laughs at his own wit, but no-one else is smiling]
George Cooper Sr.: Oh, come on, guys, that was a good one.

Missy: Ooh, we getting something fun with the money?
George: We're talking about a dishwasher.
Missy: When did your dreams die?
George: When we had kids.

Principal: I want you to consider another approach to his education.
George Sr.: Okay.
Mary: What does that mean?
Principal: I recently had a nice chat with the head of Wilmont Academy for Gifted Children. Now, I told her all about Sheldon, and she seemed to think he would be a perfect fit over there.
Mary: We already looked into private school. We can't afford it.
George Sr.: Well, not unless you're giving me a raise.
Principal: I'm not.
George Sr.: Okay. Just checking.

Meemaw: Had enough? You gonna back down?
Mary: No. He's real smart, but he has to learn he doesn't know everything.
George Sr.: Woman, you are gettin' sexier by the second.

George: Why are you reading my paper?
Georgie: Well, pardon me for keeping up on events of the day.
George: Tomorrow's headline: "Father Strangles Son."
Georgie: Good luck. My horoscope says :"Things are looking up."

Mary: [Mary learns that Georgie is taking a part-time job] Are you OK with this?
George Cooper Sr.: Yeah, I think it'd be good for him.
Mary: I don't know. I think his education should come first.
Georgie: Come on, Mom, it's not like I'm gonna graduate Valedictatortorian.
George Cooper Sr.: You heard him.

George: There we go. Nice little bite-sized pieces.
Ms. Hutchins: Thanks, George, but I-I think I can manage.
George: No, no. My pleasure.
Missy: He feels so guilty, he'll do anything you ask him.
George: That's enough from you.
Missy: He bought me an Easy-Bake Oven when he closed the car door on my thumb.
Sheldon: Unlike my mother, who feels no guilt after hurting her children.
Mary: How dare you. I am trying to keep you safe until such a time as you can make adult decisions.
Sheldon: I can make them now.
George: Hey, hey. We have a guest. Let's pretend like we like each other.

Mary: [discussing a potential psychological examination involving the twins] Sheldon's already self-conscious about being different than other kids. I'm worried about how this might affect him.
George Cooper Sr.: You're being too protective. He's a rock.
Mary: A rock? Are we raising the same child? And what about Missy? Aren't these tests gonna make her feel bad that she's not as smart as Sheldon?
George Cooper Sr.: [scoffs] I'm not smarter than Sheldon! It doesn't make me feel bad!

Georgie: Is that how little you think of me?
George Cooper Sr.: Yes! Maybe less!

Sheldon: [At the bar] Dad?
George: [Startled] The hell are you doing here?
Sheldon: I need to talk to you.
George: How the hell did you find me?
Sheldon: It's not like you come home smelling like coffee.

Mary: [Ducking the situation between her and George] We're not getting a divorce.
George Cooper Sr.: Over my dead body.
Mary: That is *exactly* how it's going to end!

Brenda: I'm single. Who am I going to meet staying home?
George Cooper Sr.: I dunno. The mailman? The plumber? I saw a movie where the pizza delivery boy did pretty well for himself.

Mary: [after George Sr refuses to let Veronica go home with her mother's boyfriend, Mary hears a thump] What's goin' on out there?
George: [George Sr comes into the kitchen, nursing his hand] You might want to call the police.
Mary: Why?
George: There's a bum sleepin' on our front porch.

George Sr.: So, today we found out about a school in Dallas for really smart kids.
Sheldon: When can I start?
Mary: Hold on. Dallas is far away, so you'd have to live with another family.
Sheldon: Do they have a dog?
Mary: Uh... we don't know.
Sheldon: Well, can you make some calls?
Mary: I guess, but wouldn't you miss your mom and dad?
Sheldon: Oh. Yes, I suppose I will.
[Mary smirks confidently]
Sheldon: So, when are you calling about the dog?
Meemaw: You know him so well.

George Sr.: Hey.
Mary: What's up.
George Sr.: I need to tell you someth...
Mary: [accusingly] What did you do?

Mary: So you're saying he's being rude to his teachers?
George Sr.: That's unacceptable. I'll... I'll give him a talking-to.
Principal: I don't know if I'd call him rude.
Mary: Well, put a word on it.
Principal: Rude. Let's go with rude. Rude is good.

Mary: [at dinner] So, good news. We're gonna have a house guest for a couple days.
Georgie: [annoyed] Oh, not Aunt Ruth.
Sheldon: Her beard is very scratchy.
George: My sister doesn't have a beard!
Missy: Did she shave it?

Mary: [after Missy charges the mound] Do something, break it up.
George: Hang on, she's winnin!

Mary: Where are you going?
Georgie: Out with Jana.
Mary: You've been spending a lot of time with her lately. Is she your girlfriend?
Georgie: Dad, can you make her stop?
George Cooper Sr.: I could, but I won't. Also I can't.

Pastor: I thought I'd talk this morning about how it all began. Now, everybody knows how on the first day of creation God said "Let there be light." And there was light. And when God saw that light, he knew that it was good.
Meemaw: [Sees Sheldon raise his hand] Oh, here we go.
Pastor: Yes, Sheldon?
Sheldon: You said he didn't create the sun until day four.
Pastor: Yeah.
Sheldon: So how could there be light the first three days?
Pastor: God is light.
Sheldon: So God's a photon?
Pastor: God's what made photons possible.
Sheldon: And what day did he do that?
Pastor: I would think day one.
George Sr.: [softly, to Mary] If I grab my chest and keel over, maybe we can get out of here.
Mary: [softly to George Sr] That's a terrible thing to say.
Pastor: ...because the first day had just begun.
Sheldon: So, before the Big Bang?
Pastor: There was no Big Bang. There was only the Word.
Sheldon: Was the word "kaboom"?
Mary: [softly to George Sr] Okay, do it.
[George Sr. feigns chest pains]
Mary: We gotta go.

[Sheldon has been diagnosed with an ulcer]
Dr. Eberland: Has he been under some unusual stress lately?
Sheldon: Yes. She won't take me to Radio Shack.
George Sr.: Go wait outside.
Sheldon: [to Dr. Eberland] I've read some interesting research about treating ulcers with antimicrobials.
George Sr.: Go!
Sheldon: [leaving exam room] And you're surprised I have an ulcer.
George Sr.: I'm surprised I *don't* have one!

Georgie: [They're doing laundry, he opens the dryer door and pokes his head into it] Where does the water come out of?
George Sr.: Well, seeing is that's the dryer, nowhere.
Georgie: [Opens the lid of the washer] So this is the washer?
George Sr.: No fooling you.
Georgie: What are you doing?
George Sr.: Seperating the whites from the colors.
Georgie: Whoa. That's racist.
George Sr.: [Talking to himself] How'd I wind up with a rocket scientist for one son and a rodeo clown for the other?
Georgie: Man, I'd give anything to be a rodeo clown. They make people happy and they get to see the rodeo for free.

Meemaw: I'm putting together my last will and testament.
George Sr.: We're gonna miss ya.