The Best Detective Thomas 'Herc' Hauk Quotes

Det. Ellis Carver: Where's everybody at?
Det. Thomas 'Herc' Hauk: Maybe the whole thing is over and no one bothered to tell us. Maybe we won.

Det. Thomas 'Herc' Hauk: [Herc and Carver have been referred to as Batman and Robin] I'm Batman.
Det. Ellis Carver: I don't think so.
Det. Thomas 'Herc' Hauk: Batman's white.
Det. Ellis Carver: And Robin's black?

Sgt. Ellis Carver: [Observing Bodie beat a competing dealer with a bat] See, that's why we can't win.
Det. Thomas 'Herc' Hauk: Why not?
Sgt. Ellis Carver: They fuck up, they get beat. We fuck up, they give us pensions.

Det. Thomas 'Herc' Hauk: If white boys wanna sell drugs in Baltimore, they have to make different laws for it, like even it out for 'em.
Det. Shakima 'Kima' Greggs: Affirmative action.
Det. Thomas 'Herc' Hauk: Leave no white man behind.

Lt. Cedric Daniels: What're you doing here at two in the morning?
Det. Ellis Carver: Field interviews. Police work.
Lt. Cedric Daniels: "Police work." I got a 14-year-old kid in critical but stable condition at University and two witnesses who say one of you princes cold-cocked him with the butt end of a pistol.
Det. Thomas 'Herc' Hauk: No sir.
Lt. Cedric Daniels: I got his mother over at I.I.D. filing a formal brutality charge, which for Herc will make an even four in the last two years!
Det. Thomas 'Herc' Hauk: Unsustained...
Lt. Cedric Daniels: But all of 'em true!
Det. Thomas 'Herc' Hauk: Lieutenant, we thought that...
Lt. Cedric Daniels: I got one less Crown Vic than I had last night, I'm out two Kevlar vests that burned in the car, two hand-held radios, a shotgun and I'm about to lose this idiot here for a week or two of medical! And for WHAT?
Det. Ellis Carver: Lieutenant, we thought...
Lt. Cedric Daniels: What did you learn when you went into the Terrace at two in the morning to conduct field interviews? What valuable information did we acquire from this situation? I.I.D. is gonna be on all three of you by afternoon. If you don't get a story straight by then, you're gonna have a file thick enough to see the light of a trial board. Now, tell me, who cold-cocked the kid?
Det. Roland 'Prez' Pryzbylewski: [after several seconds of silence] Me.
Lt. Cedric Daniels: [intensely] Why?
Det. Roland 'Prez' Pryzbylewski: He pissed me off.
Lt. Cedric Daniels: No, Officer Pryzbylewski, he did NOT piss you off. He made you fear for your safety and that of your fellow officers.

Det. Thomas 'Herc' Hauk: Hey. Yo!
Justin: Huh?
Det. Thomas 'Herc' Hauk: 'me axe you a question. Where do you guys get those hats with the bills over the ears like that? I go into all the city stores and the only ones I can find are the ones with the bills in the front.
Justin: Na, it's the same. Just turn it sideways on ya head.
Det. Thomas 'Herc' Hauk: Thanks. Thank you

Det. Thomas 'Herc' Hauk: [playing music from Shaft on his car stereo] He's a complicated man. And the only one that understands him is his woman.
Sgt. Ellis Carver: Seek therapy.

Det. Shakima 'Kima' Greggs: Fighting the war on drugs, one brutality case at a time.
Sgt. Ellis Carver: Girl, you can't even think of calling this shit a war.
Det. Thomas 'Herc' Hauk: Why not?
Sgt. Ellis Carver: Wars end.

Bernard: So I get paid?
Detective: Yeah, you get paid, but you *don't* get paid, *we* get paid.
Bernard: Why don't they give you the money and leave me out of it?
Detective: 'Cause we need someone to be confidential informant #238, registered with the department. See, we get you registered, we get paid.
Bernard: So you're gonna snap my picture...
Sergeant: And your Social Security number.
Bernard: And they give me money, which you guys keep, and I don't get nothin'.
Detective: Hey, cuz, did you do anything to deserve the money? Huh?
Bernard: Did you?
Detective: Yeah, we cracked the fuckin' case wide open. We brought back very significant information about a major drug trafficker. That's what *we* did.
Bernard: But that's your fuckin' job, right? You get paid a salary for that.
[Carver looks annoyed]
Detective: Bernard, you're upsetting my partner, man. What are you doin'?
Bernard: Ten percent.
[Carver looks at him incredulously]
Bernard: Ten percent goes to me, and I don't tell.
Detective: You don't tell because your ma and my ma are sisters. That's why you don't tell, Bernard.
Sergeant: We're not even gonna use your real name. You're gonna be registered as Fuzzy Dunlop, a street name.
Bernard: Fuzzy Dunlop.
Detective: Yeah. Right.
Bernard: Ten percent.
[Herc and Carver look at each other]
Sergeant: [annoyed] Wonderful, now I'm in business with the whole fuckin' family.
[quickly snaps Bernard's picture]

Sgt. Ellis Carver: [to drug dealers] This shit is like unemployment insurance. Every employer gotta pay in. If I find out anyone been holding out, then he's out of here back on the street getting his head busted. The least y'all can do is look out for your own people a little bit.
Det. Thomas 'Herc' Hauk: What are you, a fuckin' communist?

Sgt. Ellis Carver: Both Olsen twins. Ashley. Kate...
Det. Thomas 'Herc' Hauk: Mary Kate. And, yeah, I admire their body of work.
Sgt. Ellis Carver: They're yours. All you gotta do is name a guy.
Det. Thomas 'Herc' Hauk: [thinking] I'm not catchin', I'm pitchin'.
Sgt. Ellis Carver: No problem.

Det. Ellis Carver: See, that's why we can't win.
Det. Thomas Hauk: Why not?
Det. Ellis Carver: They fuck up, they get beat. We fuck up, they give us pensions.

Det. Ellis Carver: What he means to say is that we are effective deterrent in the war on drugs when we are on the street.
Det. Thomas Hauk: Fucking motherfuckers up.
Det. Ellis Carver: Indeed.
Det. Thomas Hauk: Fuck the paperwork. Collect bodies, split heads.
Det. Ellis Carver: Split 'em wide.
Det. Thomas Hauk: The Western District way.
Det. Ellis Carver: A'ight.
Shakima: You rogue motherfuckers kill me. Fighting the war on drugs, one brutality case at a time.
Det. Ellis Carver: You can't even call this shit a war.
Det. Thomas Hauk: Why not?
Det. Ellis Carver: Wars end.

Det. Thomas 'Herc' Hauk: It's like one of those nature shows. You mess with the environment, some species get fucked out of their habitat.
Sgt. Ellis Carver: Did you just use the word "habitat" in a sentence?
Det. Thomas 'Herc' Hauk: I did.

Det. Thomas 'Herc' Hauk: [after Council President Nareese Campbell walks by] Council President's hot as balls!
Security: I'd fuck you to fuck her.
Det. Thomas 'Herc' Hauk: You don't think that means your a fag or nothin.
Security: It's just an expression.