Top 100 Quotes From Eric Weiss

[talking about Sydney]
Weiss: So she gave you a drawer, huh?
Vaughn: It was a gesture of convenience.
Weiss: And, uh, what did you put it in?
Vaughn: Why do you care?
Weiss: What do you mean, why do I care? Do you know how spoiled you are? You know, a drawer! I wish I had a girlfriend to say 'Hey, do you want a drawer?'
Vaughn: I'll give you a drawer at my place.
Weiss: I don't want a drawer at your place.

Eric: If you take this tunnel to the end, it'll drop you at the southeast edge of the complex. I've got to go back inside and wipe out the surveillance footage. Oh, if you hear anything about Sydney...
Marcus: We will.
Eric: Okay, and one more thing. Next time, just call.

Marshall: [Weiss is attempting to speak Russian with Minister Karkov on the phone. Karkov just told him that his Russian is terrible. Marshall gets upset and talks at the phone, whispering] Whatever, I wrote this program in five minutes, you perv!
Eric: Okay, I'm going to make this real simple for you. We need your Milsat access codes. You either give it to us now or every major news organization will get the tuba photos by morning.
Minister: A; I don't know what you're talking about. B; I'm running a trace on this call.
Eric: Great, you know what; I look forward to meeting you. Hey, while I've got you on the line, let me ask you, what's the significance of the green balloons?
[There is a long pause, Weiss and Marshall look hopeful]
Minister: Alpha, 572811, Mike. Now let me be clear, if those photos ever...
Eric: Oh sure thing Minister, or should I call you a Cowboy?
[Cowboy is said with a Russian accent]

Marshall: The only guy we have left is Sark and that's only because he's in custody. I hate that guy, I mean, really, kinda scares... although I did go visit him... twice... just to see a familiar face. We had eggs.
Eric: Don't do that.

Eric: Jack is going to shoot you in the face.
Michael: Just give me a half-hour head start. Tell him that she called your phone and you gave it to me. We only have ten hours to find Kaplan.
Eric: If we end up sharing a cell in federal prison, I'm not giving you a drawer.

Jack: We can assume what they've stolen is a precursor agent requiring further synthesis.
Eric: Okay, does everyone here speak science?
Marshall: Yeah.
Eric: No, Marshall, they don't.

Eric: You know, Syd, nobody would blame you for hating him for going back to her.
Sydney: He's not the one I hate. How horrible does that sound?
Eric: Well I'm mad at her, and I don't even think he's that cute.

Eric: [Impatiently] Marshall, how much longer for that door?
Marshall: You know, just give me 10 seconds.
Eric: [to Rachel] Alright, when I say 'go' I need you to run as fast as you possibly can towards the doors at the far end. Don't Stop. We will have those doors open by the time you get there.
Marshall: Okay, I got it!
Eric: Okay, GO!
Marshall: [Rachel runs full speed, slams into the locked doors and falls to the floor] Ooo, sorry. I forgot to hit enter. Okay, now go

Nadia: We have bowling in Argentina, you know.
Eric: Yes, but you don't have like glow in the dark pins, you don't have all you can eat hot dogs after 10, or bad disco music pumping through the stereo. You know what, why am I still talking about this? Let's just do it. We're going bowling. Come on.
Nadia: Really?
Eric: Yeah, yeah, come on, we're all going bowling.
Sydney: Now?
Eric: Yeah, there's a 24 bowling alley.
Vaughn: No, no, that's not the point.
Sydney: We have work tomorrow.
Eric: Guys, you don't have to analyze everything you do, you can just decide to have fun, it's ok.
Sydney: We're fun.
Eric: Yeah... You guys are about as spontaneous as my grandparents. And they're dead.
Vaughn: No, look, it's Wednesday night.
Sydney: We're not going bowling.
Eric: Alright, well suit yourselves, the kids are going out.
Nadia: How can I resist all you can eat hot dogs after 10.
Eric: Don't wait up.
Nadia: Let's go.
Sydney: [to Vaughn] We don't analyze everything that we do.
[pauses]
Sydney: Do we?

Eric: That was good, right? It's called method acting: I was shot in the neck once... I can do it again.

Sydney: Weiss, have you seen Vaughn?
Eric: That's all I am to you... just a conduit to Vaughn. Have you ever seen Vaughn and said "Hey, where's Weiss?"

Weiss: Okay, whenever you want to have that talk...
Vaughn: What talk?
Weiss: About the cologne or whatever the hell you're wearing.
Vaughn: I'm not wearing cologne.
Weiss: Well, something's going on. No man naturally smells as good as you do right now.

Eric: [On Sydney's dream] Syd, you made it! I hope you're ready for an expensive lesson in the art of gambling...
Sydney: I'm looking for that building.
Eric: Try the kitchen.

Weiss: Come on, what do you want me to say? If you think I'm going to tell you to stay in a loveless marriage...
Vaughn: It's not a loveless marriage.
Weiss: Whatever. And if you're waiting for me to tell you to leave your wife for another woman, you can forget about that, too.
Vaughn: Do you think you can be in love with two people at the same time?
Weiss: No. I don't. However, I did have the same intense feelings for both Sporty and Posh Spice.
Vaughn: Yeah, who didn't?

Michael: It's been three weeks since I learned that Sydney murdered Lazarey... I've been lying to my wife for three weeks.
Eric: Vaughn, I know guys who've lied to their wives for a lot longer than that...
Michael: You understand that the reason your brother didn't like talking to you is because you say stupid things, right?

Eric: [Weiss has just prompted Vaughn to finally ask Sydney out on a date while on a mission in Nice] And?
Michael: We're going to dinner.
[Weiss breaks into a celebratory dance]
Michael: I'm going to keep my comm channel open. I need you to monitor the RF frequency.
Eric: Got it. Okay, in exchange I get an eclair.
Michael: No, I'm serious, any suspect signal and I want to know about it. Anything.
Eric: If they're small, bring at least two!

Eric: [on a CIA meeting] Euro celebrities and children of royalty. The kind of people you want to drop-kick.

Eric: If I found out that you screwed Vaughn, you do understand this : your ass is mine.
C.I.A. Agent Steven Haladki: I am not scared of you.
Eric: You should start being scared of me.

Sydney: All I know is the myth. You know, a women so ugly that if you looked at her you'd turn to stone.
Eric: Sounds like the myth of my college girlfriend.

Eric: [Sydney and Weiss are at Sydney's house] I just... I just don't see it, you're working in a bank? What kind of a job is that? Cashing checks, making change, "excuse me, next in line please".
Sydney: I'm a loans officer, I travel, service accounts.
Eric: Wait a minute, that cover job you had for SD-6?
Sydney: I happen to be good at it.
Eric: Great! That's stimulating stuff, watching over someone else's money, Syd come on seriously since you left the spy business you're a bore!
Sydney: It's an adjustment it's all... are you sure you don't want to stay for dinner?
Eric: I'd love to, but I've got to go save the world, see you.
Sydney: Bye.
[Weiss goes to the door and opens it, Nadia is standing there]
Eric: Hello.
Nadia: Hi.
Eric: I'm Eric Weiss, 38, single...
Nadia: Nadia.
Eric: How are you?
Nadia: Good
[turns to Sydney]
Nadia: Is this a bad time?
Sydney: Not at all Nadia, this is Eric he was just leaving.
Eric: No, I can stay...
[Sydney waves Weiss good bye]
Eric: or go, nice to meet you.

Sophia: Eric, you have no idea how excited I am to finally meet you. Nadia says the most beautiful things about you.
Eric: Really?
Nadia: She asked me if you were tall, dark and handsome. I told her you were tall.
[Weiss and Nadia giggle then kiss]

Agent: Did you ever stop to think that the reason you and Sydney work so well together is because of the feelings you have for each other?
[pause]
Agent: How's that for spin?
Vaughn: Pretty good.

Eric: [after Sydney safely walked out of park] I just lost 30 pounds, I'm not kidding.

Eric: [talking about Sydney] So she gave you a drawer, huh?
Michael: It was a gesture of convenience.
Eric: And, uh, what did you put it in?
Michael: Why do you care?
Eric: What do you mean, why do I care? Do you know how spoiled you are? You know, a drawer! I wish I had a girlfriend to say 'Hey, do you want a drawer?'
Michael: I'll give you a drawer at my place.
Eric: I don't want a drawer at your place.

Eric: Bringing them to justice. I love that - Arvin Sloane is talking about justice

Eric: [to Sydney] Is that a smile? It's good to see that again.

Eric: [Weiss is looking for Bishop's body guards, rounds a corner and aims his gun at Vaughn] Dude, I knew it!
[Vaughn nods his head and smiles]

Sydney: Six years ago, when I walked into that CIA office, why was Vaughn assigned to my case?
Eric: I don't know, he asked to be. You came in, you were all screwed up, you had that freaky red hair. He likes a challenge...

Eric: You're not gonna like my suggestion: you should go see Arvin Sloane.
Sydney: What?
Eric: Sloane negotiated a pardon after your... death. He's now a consultant for the CIA. Yeah, he now runs a world health organization in Zurich: OMNIFAM.

Michael: I'm going to say something, and it will either be obvious to you or seem presumptuous, either way I'm going to say it. This isn't working. I've been thinking about this for a while, I don't know what the hell to do.
Sydney: What?
Michael: I think you know what.
Sydney: I need you to tell me.
Michael: You need me to tell you what, that when you're on operations I can't sleep at night, that when we're in debrief I have to force myself to remember what the hell we're supposed to be reviewing when all I want to do is kiss you.
Sydney: Sometimes it is hard to remember what we're supposed to be talking about.
Michael: That's what I'm talking about, and the thing that drives me insane every day is that the people who would kill us if we were ever seen together-the Alliance, SD-6, Sloane, are the very forces that brought you into my life. What kind of a sick joke is that?
Sydney: So what are you thinking, that maybe we shouldn't be working together?
Michael: Yes, that was what I was thinking, but we're great together, and the more we work together the sooner the Alliance gets destroyed.
Sydney: So, what are you suggesting?
[Agent Weiss interrupts]
Eric: What is this, the flirting corner?
Michael: Uh, we're talking.
Eric: Yeah, I figured that out. Uh, there's a meeting... National Security, remember that? It's important... for the people...
Sydney: We'll be right there

Marshall: So what you're saying is a large red ball, plus contaminated water equals a city full of homicidal maniacs. That was a sentence I'd never thought I'd say.
Michael: But what's the point, besides the weirdest terrorist attack of all time.
Jack: Their purpose remains a mystery, perhaps Sydvoko serves some strategic importance.
Eric: I'd go with world domination, but that's always my go to.

Eric: [talking with Vaughn about Sydney] What ever she just did, man, she's good. She is really good.

Sydney: My dad thinks Lauren's leaking information to the Covenant.
Eric: I don't understand... didn't Senator Reed confess to being the leak before he died?
Sydney: Yes, and his confessions answered all the questions my father had raised. But I can't help it, I still have doubts.
Eric: All right, let me ask you a question: do you think she's the mole, or do you just want her to be the mole?

Weiss: Hey, you sure you don't want to talk about this?
Vaughn: There's nothing to talk about.
Weiss: I share my fights with you.
Vaughn: No you don't.
Weiss: Yeah I do. Remember when Alan pissed in the living room?
Vaughn: That was your dog!
Weiss: Yeah, but I was angry about it and I let you know how upset I was.

Eric: [to Vaughn] Well this is why people from the CIA should not get married to people from the NSC. Don't poop where you sleep.

Eric: I know we're in crisis mode, but a, did you ask her?
[They turn and watch Sydney speaking Czech over the phone]
Michael: It's not exactly the right time...
Eric: When's the right time? What the Nighttime?
Michael: Eric... Come on...
Eric: Look it's not like you have a ring burning a hole in your...
[Vaughn smiles and smirks at Weiss]
Eric: You have a ring on you right now?

Eric: [to Sydney] You weren't dumped. You were dead.

Sydney: You've lost weight.
Agent: Yeah, I stopped eating all the foods I like. I'm miserable, but I look really good.

Michael: What the hell is your problem, Haladki? Reporting me to Barnett?
Steven: I don't have a problem, I told you. You have a problem.
Michael: You know what? This might shock you: my business is not you business.
Steven: I am looking out for the good of the agency.
Michael: Yeah? Then you should quit.
Steven: Stay out of my way.
Steven: Did it make you feel better about yourself when you told Barnett that I got Sydney a Christmas gift?
Steven: You are too emotionally attached to that woman!
Michael: Oh, like you would know anything about being emotionally attached to a woman!
Steven: I think your judgement is impaired!
Michael: I think I am gonna kick your ass!
Steven: You are out of line!
Michael: You are out of line, you stay the hell out of my operation, do you understand me?
Eric: [gets in between them] Okay, okay, okay, we don't need to start down...
Steven: [interrupts him] Who is losing control, me?
Eric: Hey!
Steven: Did you see that? Did everyone see that? That's what I'm talking about.

Sydney: I haven't even asked anyone how they met.
Eric: Are you asking me? The NSC was wrapping up the case on your mom... uh, we were all deposed... Lauren was the one asking the questions. They hit it off.

Eric: Did you ever stop to think that the reason you and Sydney work so well together is because of the feelings you have for each other?
[pause]
Eric: How's that for spin?
Michael: Pretty good.

Sydney: Ah, thank you! Marshall, remind me to kiss you.
Marshall: Uhhh... okay.
[He gets a huge grin]
Eric: What... What did she say?
Marshall: Uhh... Uhh... nothin'.

Marshall: Well, post-fish, when I went to drop her off, this is traditionally, clasically the time where I would - or a man would - kiss her. And, well, I just started sweating.
Eric: How bad?
Marshall: Bad. Weird bad. Freak show bad.

Michael: I'm losing the signal.
Eric: I'm aiming the mike right at her.
Michael: I should have worn the ring.
Eric: Get over yourself. No one aims the mike like I do.

Sydney: He owns a fleet of sports cars, Ferrari's Lamborghini's, Bentley's
Eric: This guy's living my junior high fantasy
Marshall: Or my current one

Sydney: You lost weight.
Eric: I gave up all the foods I enjoy. I'm miserable but I look really good.

Vaughn: I'm leaving.
Eric: Leaving what... the Agency? Is this because of Sydney?
Vaughn: No, it's not because of Sydney; it's because last year sucked.

Michael: Hey, what did you say before about Haladki?
Eric: I don't think he showers?

Nadia: Wait a minute... I hate that perfume. It has a weird patrulli smell.
Sydney: See the end of the bed, the sling backs.
Nadia: Champagne bottles on the nightstand.
Sydney: Check out the magazines.
Nadia: Designer purse.
Sydney: It's a shot.
Eric: What's a shot, what are you talking about?
Nadia: I know where to get what we need.
Eric: What? Where is she going?
Michael: You mind filling us in?
Sydney: Tambor's got a girlfriend, she's staying with him. She's our way in.

Michael: What are you talking about?
Eric: I really don't know.
Michael: That's helpful advice.

Marshall: Hey, I just brought about thirty federal laws, if I get caught, I'll be sharing a cell with a guy named Bruno...
Eric: It's white collar, more like Martha Stewart.

Eric: Can I say something? And not just as a fellow officer but as a very smart man?
Michael: What?
Eric: You're starting to get emotional about this.

Eric: [Vaughn is beating a punching bag, obviously angry] The bag is dead, I think you can stop now.
Vaughn: Thanks for coming.
Eric: Thanks for sweating.

Eric: [Thomas Grace enters APO for the first time and finds an empty desk and start to settle in at it. Weiss approaches him] Hey, how ya doin'? Eric Weiss.
Thomas: Tom Grace...
Eric: Hey, Tom... Ahh look, this desk isn't exactly an ideal location, ahh for you, it's right underneath the air conditioning vent, and there's actually a wobble in the desk. You know...
Thomas: Yeah... I get it. The guy I'm replacing... he sat here.
Eric: You can have mine, I'm not going to need it anymore, and actually I suppose you're replacing me as well.
[pauses]
Eric: These are really good people here...

Eric: Uhhh... You heard from Vaughn?
Sydney: [shakes head] Not yet.
Eric: Gotta be tough on him right? Going to see his uncle and all you can do is watch him die. Nothing you can do about it.
Sydney: Yeah...
Eric: My mom used to do stuff like that.
Sydney: Like what?
Eric: Scrub the sink; when she was worried about stuff that was out of her control.
Sydney: I like a clean sink.

Michael: Do you think you can be in love with two people at the same time?
Eric: No, I don't. However I did have the same intense feelings for both Sport and Posh Spice.
Michael: Yeah, who didn't?

Eric: What the hell is going on? You said you weren't agents anymore.
Sydney: I'll tell you later. Thanks for the distraction by the way.
Eric: Yeah, thanks for saving my life. Wait a minute; this is black ops, isn't it? Huh? Vaughn part of this too?
Sydney: We gotta go.
Eric: Am I right?
Sydney: We gotta go.

Eric: [to Sydney] There's got to be something that you had that you just loved that it kills you that you don't have it anymore.

Eric: [helping Syd move] You're sure you're okay with this? I mean, are you going to be all right? By yourself?
Sydney: I just can't wrap my head around it. I mean, Francie's been dead for two years, but I feel like I saw her a few days ago. And now that Will is in the witness protection, I can't even contact him. All my friends are just... gone.
Eric: Not all your friends.

Eric: So, in a case like this, we start by digitizing all the news coverage that covered the bombing. You, uh, you like Italian food?
Christine: I have a boyfriend.
Eric: [Weiss looks up as Vaughn walks in the room] Yeah, me too.

Eric: This is a mistake; you gotta bring the team in on this one.
Michael: No way, not until I find out more.
Eric: Alright, let's just assume that your father did right those journals.
Michael: Weiss; I know my father's handwriting alright, things were referenced, things he couldn't know about. I know it sounds crazy.
Eric: It sucks when something serious is crazy. But what you're thinking about doing here is insane.
Michael: The nurse that led me to those journals, she disappeared, she was a plant.
Eric: Fine, so someone is trying to manipulate you.
Michael: What if my father is still alive? What... What if it's his way to try and contact me?
Eric: Okay, why now? Why let you and your mother believe that he's been dead for 25 years?
Michael: I don't know, that's what I'm gonna find out.

Eric: What, I can't ask my buddy...
Michael: [angrily] The marriage is fantastic.
Eric: [Vaughn leaves in a huff] Yeah, I can tell.

Michael: [Weiss and Vaughn are watching Nadia and Sydney over surveillance] She's cloning the hard drive and he's in the room.
Eric: How the hell does she know about the Slovak devils? Was that in the file?
Michael: Maybe she's a soccer fan.
Eric: Oh, God, this is the greatest girl ever.
Michael: [Sydney finished cloning the hard drive] She got it. I didn't know you liked soccer.
Eric: I do now, oh, by the way, it's called futbol.

Michael: I know, but the DNA sequencing, the heart size. I mean, they both match with what Rambaldi wrote. Either this thing is completely insane... or it isn't.
Eric: Okay, what happened? The FBI's involved?
Michael: Yeah. There's an FBI tribunal flying in from DC. They're going to question her and decide what the next move is.

Jack: Actually, Ryan alerted local authorities, gave them time to evacuate the building.
Eric: So he's a humanitarian bomber?

Eric: [On the phone] A lockdown? Thirty seconds ago I got a call about an evacuation due to an Anthrax attack. Well there's a big difference. Evacuation means everyone has to leave, lockdown means everyone has...
[pauses]
Eric: No, he's in with the delegation. I'm not going to disturb him. Besides, what the hell am I going to tell him? I've got a great idea. Why don't you get your facts straight and then call me back?

Sydney: Was everyone there? Dixon? Marshall...?
Eric: Syd, she's a good person. I'm not trying to rub it in, butI... I don't want to be dishonest.

Eric: You alright?
Vaughn: Yeah, I think that a full month of Psych evaluations; more than enough.
Eric: Really; for you? I don't know. It was a little overkill though. Come on, burning your house down...
Vaughn: It wasn't a happy home.
Eric: But still *fire*...
Vaughn: Yeah, well you kill your wife after learning she's a vicious homicidal double agent and see how rational you are.
Eric: I just want you to know that I'm there for you, whatever you need. You know if you need to stay with me for a while, cause your house is... ashes.

Michael: I appreciate you trying to cheer me up, but you don't have to do that.
Eric: Alright; here's a thought, tell her how you feel.
[Vaughn rolls his eyes at Weiss]
Eric: I know, I know; I was the one who said this is a line you don't cross. But, that was before I nearly died. And you know what they say about the white light and all that? No... Their wrong... Its darkness...
[Vaughn rolls his eyes again]
Eric: Darkness!
Michael: I understand.

Vaughn: [Weiss and Vaughn are running thru the park] Lauren's parents have been married for thirty four years, and they still love being together. I had one day off this month, and I spent it playing Hockey at the ring with High School kids.
Eric: That must be fun.
[They stop running and sit down on a bench. They both pause for a few moments while Vaughn thinks]
Vaughn: If I need it, can I crash on your couch?
Eric: Yeah... you just have to wipe off the Cheese Nips.

Weiss: Killed? He exploded like a frozen pinata.

Michael: Nadia's great, I know that, alright. But you might want to consider just taking it slow.
Eric: Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, What's with the warning?
Michael: Uhh, Sally Vincent
Eric: Haaaa, Sally; that was a completely different story.
Michael: How is it different? When it ended you were all like weird.
Eric: Weird, how?
Michael: You were building ships in bottles. You built many, many ships in many bottles over many, many months.
Eric: Yeah, that's called a hobby.
Michael: Hobby; you locked yourself in a closet for a month.
Eric: Tell me you don't still think about how I got those ships in the bottles
Michael: No I don't

Eric: Are we close?
Marshall: Listen, that's not really a helpful question right now. Okay?
Eric: Ahh, you know what, don't blame yourself; this satellite network was designed to withstand World War III.
[He takes out his earpiece and sighs]
Eric: So I just got off the phone with my buddy at the secret service. They've initiated the continuity of government protocol. The President, his cabinet, their family members being evacuated to underground command centers. I don't know, somewhere in the back of my mind, I'm kidding myself, but I thought maybe I'd be on the list.
Marshall: Yeah, it's kinda like high school again, the cool kids are having a party and I'm not invited.
Eric: Alright, there's still time left, let's not give up on them yet.
Marshall: [Picks up his phone and call his wife] Hey honey, hi, uhh, no I don't have a lot of time, I just... I just wanted to tell you I love you, I don't get to tell you that often enough...
[Looks up at Weiss]
Marshall: No I'm haven't been drinking. I'm just going to be home early tonight, okay, bye.

Eric: I don't want your thanks. I want it to stop.
Michael: Look, Sydney's my responsibility...
Eric: Mike, I'm not going to trivialize your relationship with her by calling it a crush...
Michael: A crush?
Eric: But whatever it is, it's starting to affect me and if that sounds selfish to you, I was hoping to retire fully vested. I know you genuinely care for her. I do, too. But there is a line that we have been sworn not to cross. We're about a mile past that.
Michael: I don't know how to be Sydney's handler without making it personal.
Eric: Figure out a way

[Sydney and Vaughn walk into Syd's apartment, Vaughn's cell phone rings]
Vaughn: Hello?
Agent: Hey, Kendall has something he wants to show you.
Vaughn: Ah, can it wait?
Agent: Apparently not, he wants to Sydney too. Are you with her?
Vaughn: Ah, no. I haven't seen her.
Agent: You're in bed with her right now, aren't you?
Vaughn: Trying. Just find out what he wants.

Agent: Impressive.
Vaughn: Yeah.
Agent: Balls of steel. That's what I'm going to call you from now on. Hey, have you met Balls of Steel?

Michael: Hey.
Eric: Hey.
Michael: I need you to feed Donovan.
Eric: Who?
Michael: What do you mean who? My dog, Donovan. Come here.
Eric: Oh, right. Hey, which keys to the front... Where are you going?
Michael: That's the top lock, That's the bottom lock. I'm going to Bogota. Give him a can of the dog food that's on the floor uncovered and a half a can of dried stuff.
Eric: All right. What's in Bogota?
Michael: But only a half a can. There is a bag of dried stuff next to the can stuff.
Eric: Right, right. What the hell is in Bogota?
Michael: I just got off of a phone with Interpol's officer. Eight years ago guy named Kishell was attacked by the Snowman. Punctured heart, collapsed lung, he lost an eye.
Eric: Okay, I got it. It was bad, yeah.
Michael: This guy, Kishell, use to work with Snowman.
Eric: Really?
Michael: And we know he is after Khasinau.
Eric: Right. So we get Kishell, we can get to Snowman and then we can get to Khasinau.
Michael: Exactly. Half a can, man. I don't wanna come home to fat dog.
Eric: All right.

Agent: Your girlfriend's name is Alice, right?
Michael: Would you shut up?
Agent: I'm just checking to see...
Michael: Get out of my office!

Sydney: Why didn't she kill me?
Eric: Maybe she likes you.
Sydney: Weiss, I'm serious.
Eric: So am I! Come on. She lived with you for months. She doubled herself as your best friend; maybe in that time, she started to like you. I could see that happening.

[after Irina's past surfaces]
Michael: It's a weird thing you know when, learning how your father died. I mean it's always been this intellectual idea I had... knowing he died, just not having any details.
Eric: You really want some space, or are you and I going to get drunk? Because there's this bar, you won't even remember it tomorrow.

Eric: We just had an Echelon intercept. Key words were picked up: "terrorist", "weapons of mass destruction". But you ready for this? "Rambaldi".
Michael: Did you get coordinates?
Eric: Yeah. Yours. We don't know what's happening but you're not waiting for us to find out. Get out now!

Eric: [Watching Nadia] Did you see that? She just palmed the PDA from his jacket. That's magic man. I showed her that with, like, a business card. It's like Fazham!
Michael: I get it.
Eric: She's Amazing!
Michael: I get it.
Eric: She's incredible!
Michael: Fazham?
Eric: Yeah, Fazham.

Eric: Hey, you sure you don't want to talk about this?
Michael: There's nothing to talk about.
Eric: I share my fights with you.
Michael: No you don't.
Eric: Yeah I do. Remember when Alan pissed in the living room?
Michael: That was your dog!
Eric: Yeah, but I was angry about it and I let you know how upset I was.

Eric: This buddy of mine from Princeton says she actually knows Haladki, used to have lunch at the Webster Rotunda, apparently the guy's got the table manners of a 6 month old.

Eric: OK, whenever you want to have that talk...
Michael: What talk?
Eric: Uh, about the cologne, or whatever the hell you're wearing.
Michael: I'm not wearing any cologne.
Eric: Well, something is going on. No man naturally smells as good as you do right now
Michael: [Vaughn and Weiss watch as a sleazy bad guy leers at Sydney while she's in disguise as a prostitute] That son of a bitch!
Eric: Easy, come on.
Michael: I swear I'm gonna to kill this guy.
Eric: There's no way that guy smells as good as you do.
Michael: It's aftershave, I got a new aftershave.
Eric: Yeah, well, I'd lighten up on it a little.
Michael: Yeah?
Eric: Oh yeah. To the point of non-use.

Eric: And what if there has been a takeover?
Michael: [gets his gun out of his locker and loads it] If I'm not back in a couple of hours, I'm probably dead.
Eric: Good to know.

Sydney: Weiss, have you seen Vaughn?
Weiss: That's all I am to you - just a conduit to Vaughn. Have you ever seen Vaughn and said "Hey, where's Weiss?"

Eric: Fine, you know what we've managed harder, come on, there's gotta be a way.
[sighs]
Eric: What would Jack do in this situation? Jack is the king of this sort of thing.
Marshall: Well, first he'd probably glower a bit, right? And then he'd, I don't know, probably blackmail or torture somebody, Right?
[pauses]
Marshall: You're a genius!
[Gets out of his chair]
Marshall: You Eric Weiss are a genius.
[They move into Sloane's office]
Eric: I thought Sloane turned the Blackwell index over to Langley?
Marshall: He didn't, it's complicated.
Eric: Yeah, not really. Sloane's evil, why wouldn't he hold onto blackmail material on world leaders?

Derek: My bird is missing... My bird is missing... My bird is missing... My bird is missing.
Weiss: It's "I've lost my canary," and try telling it to the women in café upstairs

Sydney: The truth is...
Eric: You're insane.

Eric: How are you doing?
Michael: Fine.
Eric: Hey, guess what? It's me. Come on, how're you doing?
Michael: I'm hanging in there.
Eric: How's Lauren about it?
Michael: She didn't remember.
Eric: And, you didn't say anything?
Michael: No. I mean, she's got a lot on her mind.
Eric: Yeah, that's probably it.

Michael: No I'm fine, thanks, I'll help.
Eric: Oh boo hoo, I'm going to go up north and drink wine for two days, while my friends stay here and work.
Michael: It's called accumulated vacation man, use it or lose it.
Sydney: So you'll water the plants...
Nadia: Got it.
Sydney: And you'll send out the...
Nadia: Sydney, go have a good time.
Eric: You know what; we could actually drive up and meet you guys.
Michael: Ahh
[He looks at Sydney and pulls her closer to him]
Sydney: We're busy...
Michael: Yeah...
[He smiles]
Eric: You gotta eat; one meal?
Michael: Yeah, that's what room service is for...
[Sydney half hugs Vaughn and they both happily grin]

Eric: [Sydney, Vaughn and Weiss are seeing a picture of Marshall's baby] Will he ever open his eyes?
Marshall: Babies sleep, Weiss, that's what they do, you know, except when they're screaming. Last night, from midnight to six.
Sydney: He's gorgeous, Marshall.
Marshall: Thanks.
Sydney: Isn't he beautiful?
Michael: He has my nose.

[Weiss has just prompted Vaughn to finally ask Sydney out on a date while on a mission in Nice]
Weiss: And?
Vaughn: We're going to dinner.
[Weiss breaks into a celebratory dance]
Vaughn: I'm going to keep my comm channel open. I need you to monitor the RF frequency.
Weiss: Got it. Okay, in exchange I get an eclair.
Vaughn: No, I'm serious, any suspect signal and I want to know about it. Anything.
Weiss: If they're small, bring at least two!

Eric: Vaughn will back me up. This is a true story, I swear. Sophmore year, college. Her name was April First.
Michael: Birth name, by the way.
Eric: Right. And for a month I was obsessed. I though this women had to have my children, okay? The problem was that she only dated guitar players. Literally.
Lauren: A girl should have her standards.
Michael: Since she worked at a coffeehouse, Eric decided to impress her on open-mike night.
Sydney: You play the guitar?
Eric: No, no not even a little. But I thought that, you know, if I got up on that stage and the spotlight was in my face, that maybe God would imbue my hands with the power of Stevie Ray Vaughn.
Lauren: So what happened?
Eric: Oh, disaster. Just embarrassment. I didn't play two notes that went together.
Lauren: And what about April First?
Eric: Oh, we made out in my Gremlin.

Michael: [Sydney and Vaughn walk into Syd's apartment, Vaughn's cell phone rings] Hello?
Eric: Hey, Kendall has something he wants to show you.
Michael: Ah, can it wait?
Eric: Apparently not, he wants to Sydney too. Are you with her?
Michael: Ah, no. I haven't seen her.
Eric: You're in bed with her right now, aren't you?
Michael: Trying. Just find out what he wants.

Ineni: You misspelled Ineni.
Eric: Shut up.

Steven: Hey! What a day, huh?
Michael: Why do you say that?
Steven: Come one. Bristow's mom, your dad. It's not like a secret around here. Vaughn, that really sucks.
Eric: Well played.
Steven: You know what I think? Barnett is gonna be good for you.
Michael: I am not seeing Barnett.
Steven: Oh, yeah, you are. She wants to see ya. I mean, come on. You're Bristow's handler, you found out that her mom killed your dad... She is a shrink, she lives for crisis management I think she will be good for ya...
[after a small pause, referring to Eric's and Vaughn previous conversation]
Steven: I like thick crust, in case you wanted me to come.
Eric: Oh, hey, we don't.

Eric: It's not an alias she's ever used with us before.
Michael: There's no mention of a Julia in her SD-6 files.
Eric: Right. Which means, last two years, when she was supposedly being held by the Covenant...
Michael: What? You think she was operational?

Eric: Mr. Tippin, I'm Agent Weiss. We're all through here, I'm supposed to take you to where you'll be staying.
Will: Is there a computer I can use here? The name on this DNA file, A.G. Doren, I know that from somewhere. I just want to check it out.