Top 150 Quotes From Linda Martin

Linda: Just because she didn't choose Pierce doesn't mean she chose you.
Lucifer: And just because she un-chose Pierce doesn't not mean she didn't choose me.

Mazikeen: I don't care what anyone thinks of me.
Linda: Of course you do, we all do. You know, and that's okay. That's human.
Mazikeen: I'm a demon.

Mazikeen: [after Linda faints] Here. Drink.
Linda: Okay, that's gin.
Mazikeen: Yeah. Only top shelf for my girl.

Linda: Maze, I know your mother abandoned you, but it might help to understand her perspective. Maybe... Maybe she was too young to handle it.
Mazikeen: My mother was 12000 years old when she had me.

Lucifer: I don't understand why she won't help me.
Linda: May I remind you that you did break her trust and kidnap a man while working on a case together.
Lucifer: Well, technically, we kidnapped each other.

Linda: [Talking Maze through surgery] You'll have to fish out the bullet.
Ben: Oh, you know what, I've grown kind of attached to it. I think I'm gonna keep it.

Linda: The fact that he came to this emotionally mature insight on his own... Impressive. Shows a sign that he's grown.
Lucifer: Bully for me. Now can we jump to the part where you teach the detective how to, you know, return my mojo?
Linda: Yeah... Scratch emotional maturity.

Linda: [Partying at Lux] How do you do this every night?
Mazikeen: How do you not?
Linda: Fear of liver failure, mostly.

Linda: What kind of guy?
Charlotte: A tall, serious black man. Bald.
Linda: Bald, like, in a... in a very sexy way?
Charlotte: Yes. You know him?
Linda: [Covering] Uh, no. No. Just, um, painting a picture.

Linda: Lucifer, that's what being in a relationship is, sharing without losing yourself in the process.

- Maze: But you're the doctor!
Linda: And you're the demon from hell!
- Goodness sake.
- Whoa!
- Oh, my god.
- He's dead.
- He's really dead.

Linda: You like to hide insecurity in humor, don't you?
- What do you think
- I'm insecure about?
- That you are changing, that you don't know what's causing the change.
- Or who.

Lucifer: You need to take me seriously. You need to believe what I'm saying. Otherwise, you'll never understand... I'm a monster. A monster who... deserves to be punished.
Linda: I believe you feel that way. And I want to understand. I truly do! But, Lucifer, you have to help me. I need you to be honest with me. Completely honest about who you are.

Linda: You don't think you deserve any of the blame for what happened with your mother?
Lucifer: No. That's between her and Dad.
Linda: Then whose fault is it?
Lucifer: Well, I suppose none of this would have happened if Amenadiel had been watching over Hell like he was supposed to.
Linda: I thought that was your job.
Lucifer: Well, it was, but when I abdicated, it became his. Sort of like a game of hot potato.

Chloe: [Trying to crack Lucifer's safe] Damn it, 6-6-6 didn't work, either.
Linda: Try 8-0-0-8.
Chloe: 8-0-0-8?
Linda: It spells "boob."

Linda: I just thanked God for napkins.
Amenadiel: It was so much better than I would have done.

Linda: This is happening. At 3:00 a.m. Without a bra.

Linda: Did you guys find the booze?
Ella: Exactly. We should be nipple-deep in Jaeger by now and playing pin the tail on Ryan Gosling. I can't believe that Maze legit hijacked my bachelorette party.
Charlotte: You mean *Chloe's* bachelorette party.
Ella: ...That's what I said.

Linda: Things were much less complicated when I thought you were just another average delusional patient with a complicated family.
Lucifer: Well, I've never been average, Linda. Mentally, physically... And as you know... sexually.
Linda: Oh, my God. I had sex with the Devil.
Lucifer: Many, many times. And you're welcome.

Linda: I find that people make Los Angeles their home for one of two reasons. Either they're running from something, or looking for something.

Linda: Sounds like there's a lot of blame to go around.
Lucifer: Yes.
Linda: Is there anyone you might be leaving out?
Lucifer: Anyone I'm leaving out. Um... Oh, you're right. Yes.
[Dr. Martin looks hopeful]
Lucifer: If you'd fixed my existential problem earlier, none of this would have happened. Well, good on you for taking responsibility, Doctor. It's very noble.
[She sighs]

Linda: [On the phone] What you doing in Vegas?
Lucifer: Well...
[Sees Ella all dolled up]
Lucifer: Don't you look ravishing.
Linda: Lucifer?
Lucifer: Uh, sorry, I've got to go, Doctor. Speak soon.
[Hangs up]
Chloe: ...What did he say at the end there?
Linda: Um, something about...
[Tries to cover]
Linda: ... Radishes.

Linda: Okay, what are you doing?
Mazikeen: Checking to see if your eyes are bleeding.
Linda: Okay, why?
Mazikeen: Um, well, I found this medical book in Lucifer's library and it says that bleeding eyes are bad.
Linda: Okay. This book is from the 14th century.

Linda: [to Amenadiel] Stop! You lied to me about being a doctor, so you could manipulate Lucifer, who is actually your brother. Somehow. Do you realize the ethical position you put me in?"
Lucifer: [laughing]
Linda: [to Lucifer] And you. Let me guess. You were going to make a sexual joke about putting me in a position?
Lucifer: [a little shamefacedly] ... that's true... yeah.

Linda: Sometimes, when someone has real feelings for someone and it doesn't work out, they shut down to anything new until they can deal with those leftover feelings.

Linda: It's not like we covered celestial powers in med school.

- about a patient.
- And, hey, listen, if you have any patients you need to talk about...
Linda: You have no idea.
- J'j'

Linda: I believe you feel that way. And I want to understand. I truly do! But, Lucifer, you have to help me. I need you to be honest with me. Completely honest... about who you are.
Lucifer: Completely honest? Are you sure?
Linda: Yes. Yes, I'm sure. That's what all of these sessions... Our entire relationship... Is all about. Getting to know the real Lucifer. No more lies. No more metaphors.
Lucifer: Very well.

Linda: Okay, so seriously, why are you bleeding?
Lucifer: Oh, my daughter shot me.
Linda: What?
Lucifer: No, don't worry. It was completely consensual.

Linda: Sex with Lucifer is the last thing you should be worried about. What you should be worried about is that he's unfathomably narcissistic, utterly terrified of intimacy, and sabotages everything good that ever happens to him. So essentially, he's the oldest, most immature person in the world. Nay, "universe".

Linda: I know you've been through Hell... I suppose we can discuss that another time.
Lucifer: Oh, no, no, there's no need for censoring, Doctor. Candy and I have no secrets. Isn't that the key to a successful marriage?
Linda: And how are you coping since your... Travels? Any warning signs of lasting trauma? Denial?
[Looks at Candy]
Linda: Rash decisions?
Lucifer: No, no. I think I've thought through everything quite carefully.
Candy: He's a thinker, this one!

Lucifer: I think you were right, by the way.
Linda: About what?
Lucifer: That it may be a WHO that's changing me. But now that begs the question: what do I do with her?

Linda: If this information is as upsetting as you're making it out to be, I'm not interested in being the messenger. Afraid I'm too smart for that.
Charlotte: So what you're saying is I need to find someone he'll trust that is foolish enough to help me deliver the news.
Linda: That's the exact opposite of what I'm suggesting...
Charlotte: Thank you, Doctor. I know just the person.
[Leaves abruptly]
Linda: Now I see the resemblance.

Linda: You cut them off, didn't you?
Lucifer: I did, yes. But then they grew back, so I cut them off again. It's like whack-a-mole back there.

Lucifer: You don't seem too bothered by my being the Prince of Darkness.
Linda: I'm willing to work within your metaphor.
Lucifer: Right.
Linda: Sometimes it's easier to make intimate issues about something bigger than yourself.
Lucifer: Well, there are few things bigger than myself.
Linda: I'm well aware.
[giggles]

Mazikeen: And how did you kill them?
Linda: Really good. And hard. All the way dead.

Linda: You said I could ride along because my knowledge of the case could come in handy.
Lucifer: To be fair, you did say you'd tail us if we didn't bring you.

Linda: [after Dan accidentally cracks Lucifer's wall] Oh, don't worry. Oh. I've had a lot of experience with giant holes...
[Dan raises eyebrows]
Linda: ... In walls.

Chloe: Unis found Sandy Shaw in her car in a parking structure.
Lucifer: Oh, well, I hope our case didn't ruin your kissy-time with Dan.
Chloe: What is with your recent obsession with my love life?
Lucifer: Obsession?
[laughs]
Lucifer: That's awfully defensive. Probably indicates deeper issues, wouldn't you say?
Linda: I agree. Why are you so defensive, Lucifer?
Chloe: Good question!
Lucifer: Et tu, Doctor?
Linda: Lucifer, you asked me to analyze the situation.
Lucifer: No, I asked you to help figure out what's wrong with her.
[pointing at Decker]
Chloe: Did you now?
Linda: Nothing's wrong with her. She's a woman balancing a lot on her plate, and, as far as I can tell, doing a fantastic job.
Chloe: Why, thank you. You're right, Lucifer, she's amazing.
Lucifer: No, she's verbal Ebola. Where's the button to put the glass up?
Chloe: [scoffs] This isn't a limo, Lucifer. And, Dr. Linda, you should really join us more often.
Lucifer: [scoff, sighs] Getting double teamed is usually much more fun than this.
Chloe: Mmm. Gross.

Linda: So your items were never recovered?
Lucifer: No.
Linda: Earlier, you said that the items weren't that important. Yet now, you seem very upset that they're gone.
Lucifer: Well, I'm a walking paradox. What can I say?

Lucifer: I am never alone. I'm constantly surrounded by people. You know? I party whenever I desire. My bed never cold.
Linda: Lucifer, being alone and being lonely are two entirely different things.
Lucifer: Are they?

- What're you looking for?
- Witness statement. Huh.
- What do you know.
- Wanna take a trip to Van ness high?
Linda: Sorry, we're just walking, baby.
- I mean, I know it's not as cool as flying.
- But at least we've got each other, right?

Linda: [officiating Eve's and Maze's wedding] Between Heaven and Hell, there's an imperfect place. Our place, here on Earth. That's where these two women met. One who sees the best in people, and one who can torture the worst out of them. But these two women, they understood each other, and together they made, in this imperfect place, something that might actually be perfect.

Linda: It is none of your business who I sleep with.
Reese: It is if it's Satan himself.

Linda: That was "God" God back there? As in capital "G"? I didn't bow. I should have bowed.

Sally: She's a monster. Demanding, complains all the time. It's like nothing is ever good enough.
Linda: And how old is Brooklyn now?
Sally: Three. You know, sometimes I catch her looking at me like she knows she's won.

Linda: [Lucifer is stuck in Hell] I can't believe I'm saying this, but... what if I go?
Mazikeen: What? You? What makes you think you'd go to Hell and not Heaven?
Linda: There are things you don't know about me.

Linda: Okay, can we go back to the Angel of Death? Is he... uh, is he another one of your brothers?
Lucifer: Sister, actually.
Linda: The Angel of Death is a chick?

Chloe: Ladies, let me remind you that there is a killer here.
Linda: As long as that killer doesn't cry, spit up, or wet themselves, I am in.

Linda: [as God sits with her] I'd like to thank God for... I missed you being up there. Thank you, God, for this food and the company. And... oceans. And napkins. And shoes. And light. And...
Lucifer: That about covers it, doctor. Amen.

Linda: How's that saying go? "We're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars".
Lucifer: The stars are just gas bags, and I never would have fed Oscar that line had I known how much I'd have to hear people quote it back to me.
Linda: [Stunned] Oscar freakin' Wilde? Really?
Lucifer: Mm-hmm. Now, *he* was an interesting bachelor.

Linda: God and His ex having a fight to the death? Sounds kind of bad for, you know, humanity.
Lucifer: [Waves hand] Oh, you'll probably be fine.
Linda: *Probably*?

Linda: I thought this would be more... reverential, less angel-wing dumpster fire.

Linda: My house is not prepared for a flying baby. Other parents put up baby gates and cover up power outlets. What are we supposed to do? Baby proof the ceiling?
Amenadiel: You know, that's a good idea.

Chloe: Thank you very much, Dr. Martin. We'll be in touch. All right, we gotta go.
Lucifer: Yes, of course, but I... I made a deal, so I'm gonna have to hold up my end of the bargain. You wouldn't mind waiting outside?
Chloe: [sotto] Are you seriously talking about having sex with her right now?
Lucifer: Well, it won't take long.
Linda: I do yoga. Hot... yoga. I'm freakishly flexible. Want to see?
[demonstrating]
Linda: Wow! I really tried to keep that one in.
Lucifer: Well, you tried; that's what matters.
[Chloe gets up to leave]
Lucifer: Uh, look, I'm really sorry, but I'm gonna have to take a rain check. I will be back, okay?
Linda: I certainly hope so.
Lucifer: My word is my bond.

- Remembering, um...
- Sweet times like those, are what helps heal the hurt.
Linda: Because, trust me, never loving anyone is far worse than loss.

Linda: [about Maze, who is sitting next to Lucifer, on the verge of tears] She thought you abandoned her. That you didn't care how that affected her.
Lucifer: But those sort of things never bothered her be-
[He finally notices that Maze is crying]
Lucifer: ... Before.

Lucifer: And we only had sex twice more.
Linda: Mm-hmm.
Lucifer: But I'm a "ten times a day" man, Doctor. "Big Ben strikes ten," as they say. I'm Big Ben.
Linda: Yeah, I got that.
[Continues]
Linda: Is it possible that the word "boyfriend" is what... stopped the clock?

Linda: Let's talk about what you're dealing with emotionally.
Mazikeen: Yeah, I really don't want to.
Linda: Maybe it would help if I spoke your language.
Mazikeen: You speak Lilim?
[Chatters in Demon tongue]
Linda: What?
Mazikeen: No, guess not.

Lucifer: Right. Here's the deal.
- We can have as much naked cuddle time as you desire, but you're gonna have to listen to me, too.
- You know, just an existential dilemma or two. Deal?
Linda: Yes.
- J'j'

Linda: I think people come here to reinvent themselves, and that's why I think you're here. To reinvent yourself.
Lucifer: Why would I mess with perfection?

Linda: God cast you out because He needed you to do the most difficult of jobs. It was a gift.
Lucifer: Gift? He shunned me. He vilified me. He made me a torturer! Can you even begin to fathom what it was like? Eons spent providing a place for dead mortals to punish themselves? I mean, why do they blame me for all their little failings? As if I'd spent my days sitting on their shoulder, forcing them to commit acts they'd otherwise find repulsive. "Oh, the Devil made me do it." I HAVE NEVER MADE ANY ONE OF THEM DO ANYTHING. Never.

Linda: [Charlie is crying] You're welcome to stay, but it's kind of loud.
Mazikeen: Pain and suffering. Music to my ears.

Linda: A little harmless stalking never killed anyone.

Linda: Of all the cities in the world, Lucifer, why did you decide to come to Los Angeles?
Lucifer: Well, the same reason as everyone else. Uh, the weather, porn stars, Mexican food... mm!
Linda: You know, you say... you say people are phony here, but I think people come here to reinvent themselves. And I think that's why you're here. To reinvent yourself.
Lucifer: Why would I mess with perfection?

Lucifer: Here's the deal. We can have as much naked cuddle time as you desire, but... you're gonna have to listen to me, too. There's a few things that I'd like to discuss with you. You know, just a... an existential dilemma or two. Deal?
Linda: Yes.
Lucifer: Lovely.

Linda: No, it can't be.
Lucifer: Why not? And please don't say "because."
Linda: Because!

Linda: [officiating Eve's and Maze's wedding] Between Heaven and Hell, there's an imperfect place. Our place, here on Earth. That's where these two women met. One who sees the best in people, and one who can torture the worst out of them. But these two women, they understood each other, and together they made, in this imperfect place, something that might actually be perfect.
Mazikeen: Why? 'Cause you got kidnapped?
Linda: Uh... yep. That's exactly why.

Lucifer: Oh, I think I understand.
Linda: Probably not.

- Uh, Linda, are you listening?
Linda: Uh, yes, maze. Of course.
- So, do you feel done?
[Maze] God, therapists...
- Does everyone answer questions with other questions?
[Maze] What was that?
- Nothing.

Lucifer: I'm trying to recreate their first date.
Linda: You're... What? Wait. You're trying to Parent Trap God and the Divine Goddess?
Lucifer: What? It worked in the movie.

Amenadiel: What about the name, uh, "Zoriel"? That's a good name for a warrior. We can call him "Zori" for short. Or "Ezekiel". "Zeke".
Linda: Yeah. Um... I was thinking about the name... "Jack".
Amenadiel: Hmm. Mm.
[Considers]
Amenadiel: Short for "Jackiel".
[Linda gives him a look]
Amenadiel: We could definitely put that on the list. Right after "Azmortiel".

Linda: I'm going to need a good metaphor. Hmm. Let's use... you... as an example.
Lucifer: Oh, role play. It's been a while, Doctor. We don't have the clown masks with us, but I'm still game.

Chloe: Dr. Martin, we know that, um, Delilah was having a clandestine affair with a wealthy, married man, so if you just tell us his name, we will be on our way.
Linda: I'm sorry, I can't do that.
Lucifer: Oh, she's one of the complex ones. Linda, darling, why don't you tell me? Hmm?
Linda: Well, I can't. I want to, but I can't.
[laughing]
Linda: Oh, you're the devil.
Lucifer: Correct. Now, come on, Dr. Martin. I know you want to.
Linda: Oh, man, and it's really, really juicy, too.
Lucifer: Ooh, I bet it is.
Linda: No, I can't.
Chloe: What did you do to her? Did you roofie her?
Lucifer: Oh, no, it's not her fault. She's just reacting to me. Just watch and learn, okay? Right, the answer is yes, we can take a trip to pound town if we must, but first, you're gonna have to tell us, Linda, okay?
Linda: [wating to hold back] Um... okay! It's Grey Cooper.
Chloe: Grey Cooper? Seriously? That is juicy.
Lucifer: Grey Cooper, the actor? The one who's married to Amanda what's-her-chops?
Chloe: Yeah, yeah.
Lucifer: Oh, no, he's horrible. So square-jawed, so handsome, so vanilla. Oh, I'm really quite disappointed in Delilah. That's truly terrible taste in the opposite sex.

Reese: You know now. And you're still seeing him?
Linda: Only professionally, Reese,
Lucifer: Much to my disappointment.

Linda: I'm going to give you 60 seconds then re-surge your heart.
Lucifer: Sixty seconds? I've had orgasms that last longer.

Linda: The past is in the past. Or in your case, the future. Ugh, time travel, pffhhh.

Linda: Lucifer, what makes you so sure you'd go to Hell?
Lucifer: In case you've missed it, doctor, I've been banned from Heaven. There's no where else for me to go.
Linda: And you're sure there's no other way to get there? I mean, dying?
Lucifer: Well, if anyone has a better suggestion, by all means, speak up now. Quite frankly, I'd prefer to Uber there.

Mazikeen: You said I'm part of this family, Linda. So I'm going to protect you.
Linda: Maze, the people I am seeing this afternoon are a vegan chef who compulsively shoplifts... and a record producer who wets the bed.

Lucifer: So if I give people the opportunity, they'll tell me what to do?
Linda: Exactly, like...
[Serious]
Linda: Bring back my baby's daddy from Hell.
Lucifer: [Not listening] Yes, yes. Thank you. I've got to go.
Linda: [Hopeful] To Hell?

Linda: Maze, I'm surprised you came back.
Mazikeen: I made a friend today.
Linda: That's fantastic news. Who?
Mazikeen: An eight-year-old girl who wandered into the bar.
Linda: Well... That's a start. Perhaps the next one can be of legal drinking age.

Linda: Okay, so, how do you angels work? I know Amenadiel can slow time, and your other brother Uriel could predict patterns. So why is your gift desire?
Lucifer: Well, that's a good question, actually, I suppose. When I first went to angel school, they sorted us into different houses for different powers.
Linda: There's a school for angels?
Lucifer: No.
[laughs]
Lucifer: There's no Hogwarts in the sky.

Lucifer: In human terms, once upon a time, a boy met a girl, and they fell in love. They had sex. The only trouble was, they were celestial beings, so that moment created the universe.
Linda: Mm, the Big Bang?
Lucifer: Never knew how appropriate the name was until now, did you?

Linda: This loss brings up an issue that we've been skirting since we began our work together.
Lucifer: Right.
Linda: Your identity.
Lucifer: [wry laugh] It's still the Devil, darling.
Linda: Yes, but who are you trying so hard to become?
Lucifer: Nobody. I'm completely unbecoming.
[chuckles]

Linda: [talking about her baby son] He's special.
Dan: Yeah. We all think our own kid can walk on water.
Linda: I hadn't thought of that. Cancel swimming lessons.

Linda: You look like you fought ten people and ran a mile to get here.
Mazikeen: Twelve people. Four miles.

Linda: Why is it that I'm the only human in your life who knows who you really are?
Lucifer: Because you asked me, remember? You insisted that I show you.

Linda: Killing a human is against your father's rules, not your own. And you've recently learned that angels self-actualize.
Lucifer: So you think... that I'm punishing myself for killing a human?
Linda: I'm wondering if... you're punishing yourself for enjoying it.

Linda: Lucifer, I walked into this with my eyes wide open, chose to be your friend and face all that comes with that. The good, the bad and the crispy.

Mazikeen: The Goddess of Creation burns your face once and you freak out.
Linda: Well... Pierce... I mean, Cain, did threaten to send his thugs to murder me, too, but, you know, who's counting?

Linda: You're a demon. He told me. I thought it was a sexual metaphor.
Mazikeen: Well, you're not wrong there.

Linda: Amenadiel. Is there a shorter version of that? Does anyone ever call you "Amen"?
[He gives her a look]
Linda: Probably not.
Amenadiel: You would be the first.

Mazikeen: I found the bitch.
Linda: Well, hi, Maze, and good morning to you.

Lucifer: It's not my home, it never was.
Linda: And neither was Hell.
Lucifer: No. No, that was somewhere I was sent as punishment. Like the DMV, but less screaming.

Linda: What about my Uncle Edwin? Is he down there? I mean, 'cause he was. you know, he was one bad mama jama.

Linda: Forgiving yourself. It's not as easy as you think. It doesn't happen overnight.
Lucifer: Well, if you were still my therapist, I might listen to you.
Linda: No, you wouldn't.

Linda: [about Amenadiel] if what you say is true...
Lucifer: What? That he's got a stick so far up his ass you can see it when he yawns?
Linda: That he's a fallen angel.
Lucifer: Oh, yes, that, too.

Mazikeen: Linda.
Linda: You don't have to say anything. Your actions speak plenty.
Mazikeen: That's the thing. Actions are easy for me. That's why I *need* to say it. I'm sorry.

Charlotte: I need medical attention. I'm wounded.
Linda: Then go to a hospital.

Linda: You're not concerned?
Lucifer: Oh, please. Maze and I have been through the plagues, the floods, the Dave Matthews Band.

Linda: The real truth is what?
Lucifer: There is something rotten inside of me. I find it near impossible to drown out the constant cacophony of voices whispering in my ear, telling me I am evil. I'm drowning, doctor! And I can't stop asking myself... why do I hate myself so much?

Mazikeen: Linda, you're not afraid of me, are you?
Linda: Of course I am. You're a demon.

Linda: [Finds an old book at Lucifer's] Hamlet.
[Reads inscription on the first page]
Linda: "Thanks for the punch up. Love, Will." Wow.

Linda: Maze, you know I'm not going anywhere, right?
Mazikeen: Maybe not on purpose, but you're gonna drop dead in what? Five years?
Linda: How old do you think I am?

Dan: Listen, thank you so much for watching Trixie. It's just for a little bit.
Trixie: Trixie: And I've been dying to see the baby.
Linda: Yeah, no of course. You know, Charlie's just so good with children.

Linda: The Angel of Death? Is he... uh, is he another one of your brothers?
Lucifer: Sister, actually.
Linda: The Angel of Death is a chick?
Lucifer: Yes, I sort of wish we were back to talking in metaphors.
Linda: That makes two of us.

Linda: [after Maze throws out the stripper she was making out with] Maze! What are you doing? Hey! I liked that guy! He smelled like chlorine and butterscotch fudge.

Mazikeen: What is it?
Linda: I thought someone was following me.
Mazikeen: Who?
Linda: You! You are following me.

Charlotte: He said I was his stepmom. But he's a grown man. I mean, his father would have to be ancient.
Linda: [laughs awkwardly] Right!
Charlotte: I mean, as if I would go running around marrying old men and then forgetting all about it.
[pause]
Charlotte: Would I?

Linda: The truth is, no one really knows what your Dad's responsible for. We're all just guessing. Even you. But do you know the one thing He can't control? What you do in this moment, right now.

Lucifer: Reese?
Lucifer: What, you know him as well?
Linda: My ex-husband, Reese...
Reese: Linda. Stay back.
Lucifer: Your ex-husband?
[Cheerily, at Reese]
Lucifer: So we're tunnel buddies.

Linda: Maybe I should feed him again. Or... or get him another blanket. Or take this blanket off? I mean, how are you supposed to know what temperature babies like when they can't talk?

Lucifer: You're supposed to be on my side, you know.
Linda: No. I'm supposed to help you process your emotions so you can deal with them constructively.
Lucifer: Yes, by being on my side and realizing that I'm right.

Linda: Don't you miss cocktails, grown-ups, actual conversation? Cocktails?
Amenadiel: I was just drinking with Maze, so I've had enough booze for the next several months.

Mazikeen: Is it true that human spawn erupt from their mothers' bodies in a ceremony of blood and pain?
Linda: What? No.
Mazikeen: In hell... torture via birth was a favorite. If half of what we did is accurate... your sex holes are never going back to normal.

- you're killing my buzz.
- Ladies.
Linda: Well, if you change your mind, my door is always open.
- Well, feel free to shut it.
- J'j'

Lucifer: It's not about the idea. It's about the execution. It's about how I use the wings.
Linda: That's... actually... pretty wise.
Lucifer: Yeah. So I'll just tuck them away and pretend they don't exist.
Linda: ...Less good.

Linda: When you bifurcate your life this way, good and bad, crime solver and... orgy host... , you're effectively denying half of yourself all of the time. Lucifer, if you don't stop pulling yourself in opposite directions, you're going to come undone.

Linda: What do YOU truly desire?

Chloe: [Fake accent] "I'm Lucifer Morningstar. I can play the piano and I'm a fancy British man."
Linda: Let's go take a peek at his sock drawer.
Chloe: But, Dr. Martin, you're his therapist. Aren't there rules against that?
Linda: Trust me. There's nothing I don't know about Lucifer Morningstar.
Chloe: Except what's in his sock drawer.

Lucifer: My brother died.
Linda: Amenadiel?
Lucifer: No, I... another brother. I have many.
Linda: Lucifer, I'm so sorry.
Lucifer: Oh, it's fine, what's done is done.

Linda: What's bothering you right now?
Lucifer: Well... right now I'm experiencing a very odd feeling. It's - it's like a fat man sitting on my chest. But not in a fun way.

Amenadiel: My father always has a plan, I don't doubt that anymore.
Linda: Seems awfully cruel.
Amenadiel: Well, if it were easy, it wouldn't be much of a test. Would it?

Linda: [to Lucifer] I'm concerned that you're returning to a familiar pattern of...
Eve: Denial.
Linda: That's exactly what I was going to say.
Eve: Don't you just hate it when he takes the exact wrong message from every single conversation?
Linda: Oh, my God! Every single time!
Lucifer: [Annoyed with the bonding] Right. Why don't we get back on track?

Linda: I didn't know that they could grow back. Are wings like... body hair?
Lucifer: No. Don't be so ridiculous. This is Dad's latest stunt. A celestial spanking, if you will. I suppose that's what I get for giving Mum her own universe.

Linda: You like to hide insecurity in humor, don't you?
Lucifer: I don't have insecurities.
Linda: Mm. Everyone does.

Linda: A common rule of thumb suggests a month for every year you were together.
Adam: All right, so... carry the one... How... how many years is a million months?

Chloe: Sleeping with the Devil, it must be different somehow, right?
Linda: Well, it's not like he has a forked penis or anything.
Chloe: Oh, he doesn't?

Linda: [to Lucifer] People don't have power over us. We give it to them. You have to take your power back.

Linda: How is Maze? I know she's been going through a lot.
Amenadiel: She, um... She picked a fight with me for no reason. And she kissed me. We almost had sex... I think.
Linda: You what?
Amenadiel: You know Maze. She thought she needed to fight.
Linda: Or a different F-word.

Linda: Maybe, if you thought about how your actions affected her, she might be more receptive to how you feel.
Lucifer: So what you're saying is I need to make it all about her for a change?
Linda: Exactly.
Lucifer: And then she can make it all about me. That is brilliant, Doctor.
[Leaves]
Linda: ...Should've seen that one coming.

Linda: Because trust me, never loving anyone is far worse than loss.

Linda: Maybe we should explore the possibility that being vulnerable can be a good thing.
Lucifer: No, it can't. It means you're at someone else's mercy.
Linda: Then maybe you should just stay away from everybody. Stay away from Chloe.
Lucifer: But... I don't want to.

Lucifer: In the end, the shoe turned out to be interesting, and the top hat, boring.
Linda: Right. So you're gonna embrace your boring side now?
Lucifer: Well, I would, but I have no boring side.

Linda: If it tastes so bad, why drink it?
Charlotte: Well, I read that five doses a day helps supercharge your memory.
[Opens notebook]
Charlotte: I've also tried... meditation, sudoku, a lot of broccoli, but no recovered memories so far. Just flatulence.

Lucifer: What is that sound?
Linda: Oh. My boobs. I'm pumping. Wearable breast pumps. Best invention since the epidural.

Linda: One of the hardest things we ever do is learn to be ourselves

Amenadiel: I think it's just my Father testing me again. But this time, Linda, I'm ready.
Linda: How is He testing you? Do you have to fight someone? Solve advanced math problems?

Lucifer: It's best if everyone involved just goes back to normal.
Linda: Easier said than done, Lucifer.
Lucifer: Yes, you may be right.
[Has a thought]
Lucifer: Maybe I should *do* normal rather than just say it.
Linda: Huh?
Lucifer: Help speed things along a little. Ah. Another nugget. Thank you, Doctor.
[Leaves]
Linda: Yep. Back to normal.

Linda: You've never mentioned your mother before. Why is that?
Lucifer: Well, you wouldn't understand, would you?
Linda: I'd like to.

Linda: Well, my work here is done. Literally. So, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to find a very stiff martini.

Linda: When angels fall, they also... rise.

Linda: I find that people make Los Angeles their home for one of two reasons. Either they're running from something, or looking for something.
Lucifer: Oh, and which one are you?
Linda: I'm not the one on the couch, Lucifer.

- So, we're still good to be roomies, right?
Linda: Ineed you to be honest with me about who you are.
- No more lies.
Lucifer: Very well.

Linda: It's easy to let external factors... define us. Especially the traumatic ones. But only if we let them.
Lucifer: [Sudden epiphany] We all have itchy butts.

Linda: Emotions... emotions are hard. But that's why they make you strong. And this is... This is the strongest I've ever seen you.

Linda: Amenadiel.
- ♪ counterfeit... j' oh, I'm sorry, we were just kind of talking.
- I'm pregnant.
- ♪ I'm a sick prototype j
- ♪ I fake it like j'

Linda: You scared me! God!
Charlotte: *Goddess*.

Linda: Maze, how can we be friends? You're a... you're a demon. Lucifer's the Devil. How am I supposed to get over that?
Mazikeen: He's still the same old Lucifer. You're still Dr. Linda Martin. And I'm still Maze. What's changed?

Lucifer: This is my fault. I should never have got you involved in any of this from the start.
Linda: It's not like I didn't know I was dealing with the most powerful, well... the most dysfunctional family in the universe. Lucifer, I walked into this with my eyes wide open, chose to be your friend and face all that comes with that. The good, the bad and the crispy.