50 Best The Departed Quotes

Providence: [in Pakistani Proprietor's store] Come on Babu, I can't do any more. I can't go off, please don't make me go back empty handed. Please don't do this. I wanna help you.
Pakistani: Come to my store next Friday. I'll give you the money...
Providence: This is Friday Babu, how many times I gotta tell you?
Pakistani: You keep calling me Babu, it's 'Singh' motherfucker!
Providence: I'm trying to help you. Don't you understand?
Pakistani: You keep on telling me 'I'm your friend'.
Providence: Yeah.
Pakistani: You don't even know my fucking name!

Ellerby: We are all convinced that Costello has at least one mole inside the Special Investigations Unit. You will investigate everybody and - anybody.
Colin: Well, that's not exactly a dream job for a cop.
Ellerby: We looked at all possible candidates. You have an immaculate record. Some people don't trust a guy with an immaculate record. I do. I have an immaculate record.

[narrating first lines]
Frank: I don't want to be a product of my environment. I want my environment to be a product of me. Years ago we had the church. That was only a way of saying - we had each other. The Knights of Columbus were real head-breakers; true guineas. They took over their piece of the city. Twenty years after an Irishman couldn't get a fucking job, we had the presidency. May he rest in peace. That's what the niggers don't realize. If I got one thing against the black chappies, it's this - no one gives it to you. You have to take it.

Frank: I got this rat, this gnawing, cheese eating fuckin' rat and it brings up questions... You know, see, Bill, like you're the new guy. Girlfriend... Why don't you stay in the bar that night I got your numbers. Social Security numbers. Everybody's fuckin' numbers.
Billy: Is there something that you just wanna go ahead and ask me? 'Cause I'll give you the fuckin' answer, all right? Frank, look at me. Look at me. I'm not the fuckin' rat. Okay? I'm not the fuckin' rat.

Frank: Who let this IRA motherfucker in my bar?
[the man looks startled]
Frank: [laughs] Just kidding. How's your mother?
Man: Oh, she's on her way out.
Frank: [walks away] We all are. Act accordingly.
[smiles and his straightens tie]

Frank: [talking about Costigan] Do you trust him?
Mr. French: Well these days, who's reliable?
Frank: His uncle Jackie was. Yeah, you can't trust a guy acts like he's got nothing to lose.
Mr. French: I'm reliable.
Frank: Arnold, you're one in a million.
Mr. French: Ten. Ten million.
Frank: What about your wife, Arnold?
Mr. French: Well, I thought she was.
Frank: [laughing] She wasn't!
Mr. French: Well, she got reliable.
[flashback showing French strangling his wife]

Colin: [bloodied and handcuffed, in freight elevator] Just fucking kill me. Just fucking kill me.
Billy: I am killing you.

Madolyn: Here, this is my card.
Colin: Nah, I don't need that. I'm a detective. I'll find you.
[elevator door begins to close; Colin reaches out]
Colin: No, I'm just kidding, I need the card.

Billy: [in Costello's bar] Frank, how many of these guys have been with you long enough to be disgruntled, huh? Think about it. You don't pay much, you know. It's almost a fuckin' feudal enterprise. The question is, and this is the only question, who thinks that they can do what you do better than you?
Frank: The only one that can do what I do is me. Lot of people had to die for me to be me. You wanna be me?
Billy: I probably could be you, yeah. Yeah, I know that much. But I don't wanna be you, Frank. I don't wanna be you
Frank: Heavy lies the crown... sort of thing.

Frank: [after talking on the phone with Colin] Sweetheart, you're giving me a hard-on.
Gwen: Are you sure it's me? Not all that talk about whiffing and crawling up asses?
Frank: Watch your fuckin' mouth!
Gwen: No, you watch it. Let me straighten you out.

Madolyn: [during his counseling session] What do you expect coming in here?
Billy: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy: You want the truth? Valium.
Madolyn: You know if you lied, you would have an easier time getting what you wanted.
Billy: What does that say about what you do for a living?
Madolyn: I just think we should have a few more meetings before we even talk about prescriptions.
Billy: Look... look, I'm having panic attacks, alright? The other night I thought I was having a fucking heart attack. I puked in a trash barrel on the way over here. I haven't slept for fucking weeks.
Madolyn: Is that true?
Billy: Yeah, that's true. Alright? I said it was fucking true. I want some fucking pills and you're gonna what? You're gonna close my file? Is that what you're going to do?
Madolyn: No, I didn't close your file. I...
Billy: [angry] I thought I was supposed to tell the truth here, if only fucking here!
Madolyn: You are! You are!
Billy: Christ. I mean, a guy comes in here against every, every instinct of privacy and self-reliance he has and what do you do? What do you do, huh? You send him off on the street to score smack, is that what you do? You're fucking ridiculous!
[Madolyn hands Costigan some Valium]
Billy: [picking up the pills] Two pills? Great. Why don't you just give me a bottle of scotch and a handgun to blow my fucking head off! Are we done here with this psychiatry bullshit?
Madolyn: You know what? You can leave!
Billy: What the fuck did I just put myself through? I'm fucking out of here. And what if that was a legitimate threat? Think about it fucking hotshot!

Billy: [talking in the back seat of a car] When are you gonna take Costello, huh?
[animated]
Billy: I mean, what's wrong with taking him on any one of the
[yelling]
Billy: million fucking felonies that you've seen him do, or I've seen him do? I mean, I mean, he murdered somebody, right? The guy fucking murders somebody, and you don't fucking take him! What are you waiting for, honestly? I mean, do you want him to chop me up and feed me to the poor? Is that what you guys want?
Dignam: [sarcastically while sitting in the front seat] Yeah, well that might stick.
Oliver: [to Dignam] Will you shut up?
[to Billy]
Oliver: We are building a case. It takes time. You know that.
Billy: Somethings wrong. I'm telling you, something's wrong.
Oliver: Yeah, maybe.

Dignam: [during Costigan's interview] Your fuckin' family's dug into the Southie projects like ticks. Three-decker men at best. You, however, grew up on the North Shore, huh? Well, la-di-fuckin'-da. You were kind of a double kid, I bet, right? Huh? One kid with your old man, one kid with your mother. You're upper-middle class during the weeks, then you're droppin' your "R"s and you're hangin' in the big, bad Southie projects with your daddy, the fuckin' donkey on the weekends. I got that right?
Dignam: [Billy does not answer] Yup. You have different accents? You did, didn't you? You little fuckin' snake. You were like different people.
Billy: You a psychiatrist?
Dignam: Well, if I was I'd ask you why you're a Statie making 30 grand a year. And I think if I was Sigmund fuckin' Freud I wouldn't get an answer. So tell me, what's a lace-curtain motherfucker like you doing in the Staties?
Billy: Families are always rising or falling in America, am I right?
Oliver: Who said that?
Billy: Hawthorne.
Dignam: [Dignam makes a farting sound] What's the matter, smartass, you don't know any fuckin' Shakespeare?

Lazio: [during a conference briefing about Costello and his crew] without asking too many questions do you have anyone in with Costello presently?
Dignam: Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself.

Dignam: [observing an exchange of microprocessors for money between Costello and Chinese triad members] This is unbelievable. Who put the fuckin' cameras in this place?
Police: Who the fuck are you?
Dignam: I'm the guy who does his job. You must be the other guy.

Fitzy: [standing outside Costello's bar] She didn't notice us, she must be a cop.
Delahunt: [jokingly] Yeah, she's probably the fucking Police Commissioner.

Oliver: [meeting privately under a bridge next to a river] Okay, kid. Let's do this. Come on, spread 'em.
[Queenan begins searching Costigan]
Dignam: Hey, what do you think you can pop somebody and there's a special card to play? That guy, Jimmy Bags whose jaw you broke happens to work undercover for the Boston Police Department.
Billy: I'm going fucking nuts, man. I can't be someone else every fuckin' day. It's been a year of this. I've had enough of this shit!
Dignam: Calm down, alright? Most people in the world do it every day. What's the big deal?
Billy: Well, I'm not them, alright? I'm not fucking them, okay?
Dignam: Exactly. You're nobody. You signed the papers, remember? Now we're the only two people on the face of this earth that even know you're a cop. How about we just erase your file, huh? How 'bout that? How about we erase your file and then bang, you're just another soldier for Costello open to arrest for I don't know how many felonies. Huh? What do you say we do that, Captain?
Billy: How about I fucking kill you, huh? How about I fucking kill you!
Oliver: That was a joke. Come on!
Dignam: That wasn't a joke. Just because you play a tough guy, doesn't mean you are one you lace-curtain, Irish fucking pussy!
[Costigan punches Dignam]
Oliver: Hey, hey! Stop it! Break it up! Stop it!
Billy: [to Dignam] Fuck you, motherfucker!
Oliver: Goddamn it, stop it! That's an order!
[fighting stops]
Oliver: For chrissake, be smart. If anybody's watching us now, how are we not supposed to arrest you? Come on, get in the car. Both of you, get in the car!

Billy: [during a counseling session with Madolyn] You sit there with a mass murderer. A mass murderer. Your heart rate is jacked, and your hand... steady. That's one thing I figured out about myself in prison. My hand does not shake... ever.

[upon learning the Police have found Delahunt's body and that he was a cop in Costello's bar]
Fitzy: I don't believe it.
Mr. French: What can't you believe?
Fitzy: I spent all fucking night dragging the poor bastard in there. Tell me how they find him so fast? Somebody walking a fucking dog ? What fucking size a dog is that? Has to be a big fucking dog, man. I spent all night doing it man.
[pause, Frank stares at him]
Fitzy: I'm embarrassed. I still don't believe he was a cop, I don't believe it.
Frank: The COPS... are saying he's a cop... so I won't look for the cop. Are you soft, Fitz? When I tell you... to dump a body in the marsh, you dump him *IN* the marsh. Not where some guy from John Hancock goes every Thursday, TO GET A FUCKING BLOWJOB!
[Fitzy laughs, Frank hits him with his cap]
Frank: Don't laugh! This ain't Reality TV!

Ellerby: [jokingly with Colin] I'm gonna go have a smoke right now. You want a smoke? You don't smoke, do ya, right? What are ya, one of those fitness freaks, huh? Go fuck yourself.

Colin: [softly to Madolyn while lying in bed together] If we're not gonna make it, it's gotta be you that gets out, cause I'm not capable. I'm fucking Irish, I'll deal with something being wrong for the rest of my life.

Madolyn: [after a counseling session] Why is the last patient of the day always the hardest?
Billy: Because you're tired and you don't give a shit. It's not super-natural.

[Sullivan tries to enter Queenan's office, but Dignam blocks his way]
Colin: Problem?
Dignam: Yeah, I got a problem. I run rat fucks like you, okay? I don't like 'em.
Colin: The day you wouldn't take a promotion, let me know. And if you'd taken care of this, I wouldn't even be here.
Dignam: Fuck yourself, you piece of shit.
Colin: And I'm gonna need the identity of your undercovers.
Dignam: Blow me, all right? But not literally, though. Unfortunately, there's no promotion involved for you.
[Dignam leaves]
Colin: Fucking prick.

Billy: [during a counseling session] There was a cop leaving when I came in.
Madolyn: How did you know he was a cop?
Billy: You know, bad haircut, no dress sense, and, you know, a slight air of scumbag entitlement.

Billy: [to the bartender] Cranberry juice.
Man: It's a natural diuretic. My girlfriend drinks it when she's got her period. What, do you got your period?
[Billy grabs an empty glass and smashes it onto the man's head. Mr. French grabs Billy throws him against the wall. Billy tries to go towards the man again and French holds him against the wall. Billy pushes French's hands away]
Billy: Get your fuckin' hands off me!
Mr. French: [calmly] Hey, hey, hey... do you know me?
Billy: No, no.
Mr. French: Well, I'm the guy that tells you there are guys you can hit and there's guys you can't. Now, that's not quite a guy you can't hit, but it's almost a guy you can't hit. So I'm gonna make a fuckin' ruling on this right now. You don't fuckin' hit him. You understand?
Billy: Yeah, excellent. Fine, fine, fine.
Mr. French: I fucking know you. I know your family. You make one more drug deal with that idiot fucking cop-magnet of a cousin of yours and I'll forget your grandmother was so nice to me. I'll cut your fucking nuts off. You understand that?
Billy: Yeah, yeah, I do.
Mr. French: What are you drinkin'?
Billy: [embarrassed] A cranberry juice.
Mr. French: What is it, your period?
[to the bartender]
Mr. French: Get him a... cranberry juice.
Mr. French: [to the man] Hey, fuckhead, that's Jackie's nephew.
Man: Oh.
Mr. French: What? "Oh" fuckin' what?
[punches the man four times in the face]
Mr. French: Get the fuck outta here.

Frank: I'm concerned about a Chinaman who thinks it's wise to come to a business transaction with automatic weapons.
[to the Chinese translator]
Frank: For his own good, tell Bruce Lee and the Karate Kids none of us are carrying automatic weapons. Because here - in this country... it don't add inches to your dick. You get a life sentence for it.

Billy: [looking around in her home] You don't have any cats.
Madolyn: No.
Billy: I like that.

Billy: No, I gotta get out. I can't be doing this anymore. You know what's gonna happen?
Oliver: What?
Billy: I know he's gonna find out who I am and he's gonna fucking kill me.
Oliver: I'm really sorry... I swear to God I am. I'll get you out of this. It won't be immediately but I will get you out. Two weeks at most.

Oliver: [during Colin's interview] Congratulations on passing the detectives' exam, and welcome to the Special Investigation Unit.
Dignam: Whoop-de-fuckin'-do.

Colin: [while having dinner with Madolyn] What Freud said about the Irish is: We're the only people who are impervious to psychoanalysis.

Ellerby: [while putting golf balls on a golf range] How is your wedding coming along?
Colin: Great, great; she's a doctor.
Ellerby: That's outstanding.
Colin: Yeah.
Ellerby: Marriage is an important part of getting ahead: lets people know you're not a homo; married guy seems more stable; people see the ring, they think at least somebody can stand the son of a bitch; ladies see the ring, they know immediately you must have some cash or your cock must work.
[laughs]
Colin: [laughing] Yeah, it's working... Overtime!
Ellerby: I'm glad to hear that.
Colin: Yeah... Thank you.

Oliver: [during Costigan's interview] We have a question: Do you want to be a cop, or do you want to appear to be a cop? It's an honest question. A lot of guys just want to appear to be cops. Gun, badge, pretend they're on TV.
Dignam: Yeah, a lot of people just wanna slam a nigger's head through a plate-glass window.
Billy: I'm all set without your own personal job application. Alright, Sergeant?
Dignam: What the fuck did you say to me, trainee?
Billy: [to Queenan] With all due respect, sir, what do you want from me?
Dignam: Hey asshole, he can't help you! I know what you are, okay? I know what you are and I know what you are not. I'm the best friend you have on the face of this earth, and I'm gonna help you understand something, you punk. You're no fuckin' cop!

Frank: What we generally do - in this country... is one guy brings the items and the other guy pays him. No tickee, no laundry!

Frank: [in a restaurant] You know, if your father were alive, and saw you here sitting with me, let's say he would have a word with me about this. In fact, he'd kill seven guys just to cut my throat, and he could do it. That's maybe something you don't know about William Costigan, Sr.
Billy: [asking if his father never murdered anyone] So he never? I mean, never?
Frank: No. He kept his own counsel. He never wanted money. You can't do anything with a man like that. You're Uncle Jackie - he also would kill my entire fucking family if he saw me here with you. And I think about this.
Billy: [confused] So what the fuck are we talking about here?
Frank: Did you ever think about going back to school?
Billy: School?
[laughs]
Billy: All due respect Mr. Costello, school is out.
Frank: Maybe someday you'll wake the fuck up.

Frank: Have a seat, Bill.
[Costigan sits down at Costello's dinner table]
Frank: [while eating crab] Do you know John Lennon?
Billy: Yeah, sure, he was the president before Lincoln.
Frank: Lennon said, "I'm an artist. You give me a fucking tuba, I'll get you something out of it."
Billy: [sarcastically] Well I tell you Mr. Costello, I'd like to squeeze some fucking money out of it.
Frank: Smart mouth. Too bad. If you'll indulge me...
[sees Gwen leaving]
Frank: Now what?
Gwen: Choir practice.
Frank: [annoyed] Choir practice.
[Costello pulls out a severed human hand]
Frank: The point I'm making with John Lennon is - a man could look at anything, and make something out of it. For instance, I look at you and I think "what could I use you for?"

Uncle: [in a hospital hallway] What's this I hear from Stephanie about you becoming a policeman?
Billy: You mean Stephanie, who was the only one who came to my father's funeral? That Stephanie?
Uncle: Yeah, *that* Stepanie.
Billy: Nothing much to it, Uncle Edward.
Uncle: Are you trying to prove something to the family?
Billy: When you say "the family," who do you mean exactly? You?
Uncle: You always have to question everything, don't you?
Billy: Maybe it would have done you some good to have some *questions* from time to time, you know? "Am I an asshole? Are my kids a mess? Is my wife a money-grubbing whore?" I mean, those are questions, right? "Have I ever been good to my dying sister or am I just now pretending to be?"
Uncle: Do you need some money for the funeral?
Billy: When my mother dies, we don't have any more connection.
[Billy walks away]

Ellerby: [during a conference briefing about Costello and his crew] This unit is new, and you are the newest members of it. You have been selected from the basis of intelligence and aptitude. This is an elite unit. Our job is to smash, or marginally disrupt, organized crime in the city by enhanced cooperation of the FBI, represented here today by Frank Lazio. And we will do it. By organized crime in the city, you know who we mean - that's Jackie Costigan, that's an old picture. Jackie met his demise. Last known photograph. Costello uses three key guys: that's Fitzy - off-the-boat psycho who lives with his mother, who's straight out of Going My Way. Delahunt - muscle. French - the number one. But of course the rock star - you know who. We've done a briefing. Books, so read up. I want any and all ideas so I can pass them off as my own. Word hard, you'll rise fast. You're in the best possible position in the department. Let's go to work.

[Watching Costigan beat up the Providence gangsters, destroying his store in the process]
Pakistani: What's wrong with this fucking country? Everybody hates everybody!

Billy: [coming from behind the wall to surprise Sullivan] Freeze!
Colin: Whoa! Put the fucking gun down!
Billy: Put your fucking hands up!
Colin: Alright, alright. I can get you your money!
Billy: What did you say?
Colin: I said I can get you your...
Billy: [punches Sullivan across the face] You didn't come here to talk, you came here to get arrested.
[Slaps cuffs on him]
Colin: You have fucking tapes of what? Costello was my informant. I was a rat? Fuck you, prove it.
Billy: [standing Sullivan up] Get up!
Colin: What is this? A citzens arrest? Blow me. Only one of us is a cop here Bill. Did you hear me Bill? No one knows who you fucking are!
Billy: Will you shut the fuck up!
Colin: I'm a sargeant in the Massachusetts State Police, who the fuck are you? I erased you!
Billy: [slams Sullivan against a wall] You erased me, huh?
Colin: Yea... shoot a cop, Einstein, watch what happens.
Billy: What would happen is this bullet would go right through your fucking head!
Colin: Watch what happens!
Billy: What? So you can get the parade? The bagpipes and bullshit? Fuck you! Fuck you! I'm fucking arresting you!
Colin: That's the stupidest thing you could do.
Billy: [while hitting him] Shut the fuck up!
[Sullivan falls to the ground]
Billy: I could give a fuck if the charges don't stick... I'm still fucking arresting you.
Colin: [dazed] Shit.

Colin: Yeah, shoot a cop, Einstein. Watch what happens.
Billy: What would happen is this bullet would go right through your fucking head!

Frank: When you decide to be something, you can be it. That's what they don't tell you in the church. When I was your age they would say we can become cops, or criminals. Today, what I'm saying to you is this: when you're facing a loaded gun, what's the difference?

Dignam: [during a conference briefing about Costello and his crew] My theory on Feds is that they're like mushrooms, feed 'em shit and keep 'em in the dark. You girls have a good day.

[Brown is telling Billy why he signed up for the police while jogging for a police training exercise]
Brown: So she tells me, "You never finish anything. You finish the police course, you get taken care of again, baby." So after graduation, I get a blowjob again.
Billy: That's great. Your mother sounds like a wonderful woman.
Brown: Fuck yourself.
Billy: Look at it this way: You're a black guy in Boston. You don't need any help from me to be completely fucked.

Billy: [in Pakistani Proprietor's store] Hey, you fellas come from Providence?
Providence: Isn't any of your business where we come from, is it, now?
Billy: Fuckin' delivering cannolis or something?

Colin: [standing in front of him] You're an FBI informant? Are you fucking kidding me?
Frank: [sitting on the blade of a bulldozer] Grow up!
[laughing]
Frank: Of course I talked to the FBI.
Colin: Do they know who I am?
Frank: I... I never gave up anybody... who wasn't going down anyway. Nobody knows nothin'.
Colin: Frank... Frank. Do they know about me?
Frank: I know about you, Colin. You know I'd never give you up. You're like a...
Colin: What, like a son? To you? Is that what this is about? All that murderin'... and fuckin'... and no sons?
[They shoot at each other]

Ellerby: [during a conference briefing about Costello and his crew] Staff Sergeant Dignam is our liaison to the the undercover department, his undercover work is extensive. He's here to give us his report. Sergeant Dignam.
Dignam: Ok. My people are out there. They're like fuckin' indians. You're not gonna see 'em you're not gonna hear about 'em except from me or Captain Queenan. You will not ever know the identity of undercover people. Unfortunately, this shithole has more fuckin' leaks than the Iraqi Navy.
Ellerby: Fuck yourself.
Dignam: I'm tired from fuckin' your wife.
Ellerby: How's your mother?
Dignam: Good, she's tired from fuckin' my father.

Billy: [during Costigan's interview] Do you lie?
Madolyn: Why? Do you?
Billy: No, I'm asking if you lie.
Madolyn: Honesty is not synonymous with truth.
Billy: [amused] Yeah, you lie. You lie.

Frank: [to Colin] One of us had to die. With me, it tends to be the other guy.

Billy: [to Frank Costello in Frank's bar] You accuse me once, I put up with it. You accuse me twice... I quit. You pressure me to fear for my life and I will put a fucking bullet in your head as if you were anybody else. Okay?
[Frank drops something. He reaches under the table and pulls up a gun. He looks at it as if he's never seen it before and then points it at Billy]
Frank: You got something you wanna... ask me?

Oliver: [during Costigan's interview] Do you know what we do here? My section?
Billy: Sir, yes, sir. I have an idea...
Dignam: [interrupting] Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's say you have no idea and leave it at that, okay? No idea. Zip. None. If you had an idea of what we do, we would not be good at what we do, now would we? We would be cunts. Are you calling us cunts?
Oliver: Staff Sergeant Dignam has a style of his own. I'm afraid we all have to get used to it.