The Best The Sopranos, Season 2, Episode 8 Quotes

Richie: If there's ever anything you can do for me, let me know.

- Thank you so much.
- Jean, you are a wonderful friend.
- Did I tell you how impressed Joan was with Meadow's transcripts?
- You did, thank you.
- Howie t, bro, blood's flaying on the mix.
- We ought to score some Vegas, kick the fucking bass up on this TV.
- What the fuck was that?

- Don't see myself getting married.
- I get all I need, and I can hire somebody to wash and iron.
- Yeah, I could see that.
- No more burritos before work.
- Look at this place. Can you imagine spending day after day here...
- Year after year?

- Fuck! It's that zip furio and somebody.
- Fuck, let him in before he kicks the door down.

- Answering machine.
- Christopher, where is he?
- He's always here.

Matthew: [while inside the Bada Bing strip club, shakes his head] This is fucked
Sean: What?
Matthew: This, us. Look at us, we look like two fuckin scared rabbits... douche bags
Sean: Don't say that
Matthew: For Christ's sake, look at reality, we're at the "low end", buying fish, punching safes, what is that? And for what?
Sean: We're just getting started, that's what you do
Matthew: We've got stockbroker licenses, I went to Pace College
Sean: [after thinking it over] Fuck, it's true huh?
Matthew: We're fucked
Sean: We gotta do something to get ahead in this world

- So what?
- He hit your niece.
- Jesus, are you crazy?
- That's all I need now for that fuck...
- To think I had a part of this.
- You gotta help me, man.
- I'll help you. I'll fucking help you!
- Hide me, I'm with you now.
- Who told you to do that? Get out of here, you dumb fuck! I'll kill you!

- Oh, you can?
- That's right!
- You know what? You're right.
- You are right.
- You can take care of yourself.
- Thank you.
- You're going off on your own to a wonderful college.
- What right do I have to interfere?

- Like the tao says, you gotta shut one door before another one can open.
- Was that so hard to do? You did it.
- That's it. That's it. Oh!
- Huh? Perfect.
- You look like Robert Evans over there.
- Thanks.

[about Christopher]
Richie: The attitude on that camel-nose fuck. He ever lays his hand on my niece again I'm gonna tear him apart piece by piece.
Matthew: Camel nose! You can't make that shit up.
Richie: What the fuck are you talking about? I just did. Did you ever notice he's the only motherfucker who can smoke a cigarette in the rain with his hands tied behind his back? That nose is like a natural canopy.

Tony: It's Tuesday three o'clock so we've got to talk about something ok? Spin the wheel", here's something that's been bothering me I gave my daughter a car
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Really?
Tony: Yeah a used car, one of those SUV's, a 92 pathfinder. The thing is that it belonged to a friend of hers from school and it came into my possession incurred of a debt by the kid's father and this is the way he elected to make payment
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You gave your daughter her friend's car?
Tony: It was a nice, safe, car to which I had the pink slip
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: What's bothering you?
Tony: I must've known that she'd known it was her friend Eric's car and how I got it and she'd freak out
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Then why did you give it to her?
Tony: I don't know, I mean for all these years I've been shielding her and protecting her from certain "truths" so now I want to rub her nose in it.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Any thoughts on that?
Tony: This kid's father, his fuckin degenerate gambler but his also a respected business man in the community and everything that goes along with that
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: One of your "Happy "wanders"
Tony: How do you remember this shit?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [Smiles, remains silent]
Tony: So it becomes my fault he lost his kid's car? I've got to look out for him because his a sick bastard? My friend Artie Bucco got a restaurant right? Now believe me no one's telling him to refuse a plate a fettuccine to a guy that's eating himself to death
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Maybe that's what you were saying to your daughter
Tony: What?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: By giving her the SUV, wanting her to confront some of these "moral ambiguities"
Tony: [Implying that he doesn't understand her terminology] English
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Meadow's going to be going away to college next year
Tony: Yeah that's why she needs the car
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: "Leaving the nest"
Tony: Not those fuckin ducks again
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Maybe you were preparing her for the reality of teaching her to "fly"?
Tony: You know your people are something, I gave my little girl a car to rub her face in shit and you're telling me I did something noble?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: We're getting to something here
Tony: [Realizing she's right] time's up
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Look, we still have time and we're doing good work, what? You feel you're cured?
Tony: Alright, I'll sit here but I got nothin else to say

Christopher: Adriana, I want you to marry me. I got you a ring, and everything...
[shows her the ring]
Liz: There was a robbery at Tiffany's, this morning! I bet you there's pieces of broken glass in it!

- Nobel prize for what? Packing fudge?
- You know that you can go anywhere you want to go to college.
- But I'm not gonna pay for Berkeley.
- I want to go to Harvard or west point.
- You may get to see them on TV, but that's about it.
- To go there you gotta crack the books.

- Ten percent, right? $7500.
- It's all there.
- Give me $1000.
- One thousand more?
- Chris said 10 percent.
- One thousand dollars.
- I can't believe this. You're ripping us off. This is bullshit.
- Come on, hurry up.

Richie: [to Paulie and Silvio when they arrive to see him] Sit down for Christ's sake
Paulie: I wanna talk to you about Beansie Gaeta
Silvio: You know he may never walk again
Paulie: [to Silvio] Never say never
Richie: [to both of them] No, say never. He's a shopping cart from here on out
Paulie: He gets home from rehab soon, poor motherfucker: you should help him out
Richie: [confused] Help him out?
Paulie: You should build him a ramp on his house: for the wheelchair
Silvio: You can make the place Whatchamacallit... handicapped assessable?
Richie: Maybe when I'm over there, I can fuck his wife?
Silvio: Come on Richie, you're a fuckin captain now. So, you assert a little pressure, call that nephew of yours Vito and the other one. They're in the building trades, aren't they?
Richie: Wait, are you fuckin serious?
Paulie: Richie, it's a gesture. The man has a lot of friends
Richie: You're out of your fuckin minds
Silvio: Don't take that attitude Richie
Paulie: [sternly] Hey, your gonna build Beansie a ramp
Richie: I'll build a ramp up to your ass

Carmela: [during family dinner, to Tony] while you were sleeping, we found out Hunter Scangarelo got into Reed College
Meadow: [to her mother, irritated] can't you be happy for Hunter? Reed was her first choice: she'd die if she didn't get in. Why do you always think everything has something to do with me?
A.J. Soprano: because you didn't get in anywhere
Carmela: [after chastising AJ for insulting his sister] nobody has heard anything for months: Hunter took early acceptance so she found out early, what that means is she could only apply to that one college. Your sister, on the other hand, gave herself a lot of options such as Bowdoin, Holy Cross, Georgetown...
Meadow: you know Georgetown is a total reach for me
Carmela: oh, please they'd be crazy not to want you
Meadow: if I can in there, I can probably get into Berkeley?
Tony: over my dead body
Meadow: there are more Nobel Prize winners in the San Francisco Bay area than any other area on the planet
Tony: Nobel Prize for what? Packing Fudge? Look, you know you can go anywhere you want to go to college but I'll tell you where I'm not gonna pay for, and that's Berkeley
A.J. Soprano: I want to go to Harvard or West Point
Tony: well, you might get to see them on television but that's about it: you wanna go to college like those, you gotta crack the books

- I bet it was in Zane's window this morning.
- I bet there's bits of broken glass in it.
- Ma, would you leave us alone?
- Adriana, I hear you sobbing in your bed at night.
- Ma!
- When you get hurt next time, this door is closed to you.

Carmela: [over the phone] hi, how are you?
Jeanie: listen, I spoke to my sister about the letter of recommendation for Meadow and she's sorry, she just can't do it... I'm sorry
Carmela: she can't? Why not?
Jeanie: well because she already wrote a letter for someone else: a wonderful Dominican from the housing projects, with a 5.2 average and a crack addict mother with Cerebral palsy
Carmela: so, what does that mean? She can't send two?
Jeanie: did you think about asking one of the priests at the church? A letter from Father Intintola would "probably" mean more I bet? Especially at Georgetown. I gotta go, bye, good luck

- Holy fuck. Shit.
- It's him.
- We should've said hello.
- Or asked him what time it was.
- Think we should go in?
- Wait, you got...
- How do I look?
- Good.
- Your hair...

- Her uncle, that's how.
- Him and his wife are graduates.
- That's the only way that freak's gonna get in.
- Second baby boom.
- Great sat scores.
- It's not enough anymore.
- It's all who you know or how many buildings you give.
- What do you want me to do?

- Who sent you here?
- Richie aprile.
- Richie aprile?
- We'll be done before beansie's home from the hospital.
- Get out of here.
- I don't want anything to do with that man after what he did.
- She's got problems, but I'm not gonna tell Richie this isn't getting done.

- I'm back on track, Adriana.
- I'm rededicating myself right down the line.
- I don't know why we always fight.
- My fault. I don't express my needs.
- We waste so much time.
- You're right.
- Let's not...
- I love you so much.
- I love you too.

- How about this? You could write a letter to Georgetown...
- About discovering it wasn't that person's first choice...
- And that he was using
- Georgetown as a backup.
- I'm not telling you what to write.
- Oh, I left my mother in the car with that foot.
- Thanks for this.

- They're in the building trades.
- Wait, are you fucking serious?
- Richie, it's a gesture.
- The man has a lot of friends.
- You're out of your fucking minds.
- Don't take that attitude, Richie you're gonna build beansie a ramp.
- I'll build a ramp up to your ass, drive a Lionel up in there.

- If you need help, I'll fucking help you, you understand?
- You talk to me.
- I don't want Jack shit from you.
- Okay. I'll leave.
- But if you go crying to Tony soprano one more time...
- If you open your mouth...
- I'm gonna send your arms where your legs are.

- Your nephews ripped up the house and then haven't been back there.
- I needed them to do work on Janice's mom's house.
- Which, all do respect, is also your boss's mother's house.
- Gentlemen.
- Ton, these guys...
- Won't shut up about this ramp.
- Richie, relax, sit down.
- I'll buy you a cup of coffee.

Carmela: [referring to their daughter's main choice on where to go to college] What is this obsession with Berkley? What? Is she trying to get away from us?
Tony: Absolutely: that's her job
Carmela: Go ahead, laugh. What are you gonna do if she gets into Berkley and not into Notre Dame and Georgetown?
Tony: She's in the National Honor Society for Christ's sake
Carmela: Don't be naïve, please? How do you think Hunter Scangarelo got into Reed College? Her uncle. That's how, him and his wife are graduates
Tony: That little freak show isn't gonna get into college anyway
Carmela: Second Baby Boom: grades, great SAT scores, it's not enough anymore, it's all who you know and how many buildings you give
Tony: What'd you want me to do, huh?

- These two suck each other's cocks.
- What'd you say to him?
- Have a nice day.

- Hello, missus. Thank you for TV.
- Oh, stasiu, please. Enjoy.
- The poor thing. In Poland he was a mechanical engineer...
- Here, he's driving a cab.
- What's the matter? You all right?
- No, I'm fine. I'm fine.
- I gotta go.

- Fine, I'll sit here.
- But I got nothing else to say.
- Yeah. Did you call me?
- Oh, get the fuck out of here.
- I'm supposed to go all the way there to check a ramp?
- Christopher, what's up?
- Hey, what's up, man?
- Get that motherfucker!
- Get him!
- Fucking seat belt!

- Hi, Tony. How the fuck's it going?
- How you doing?
- Matt drinkwater. Bevilaqua's nephew.
- Sean gismonte.
- Friends of Christopher.
- Worked the card game.
- I know. How you doing?
- That dancer, Destinee out there?
- I'd like to break my dick off in her ass.