Top 100 Quotes From Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri

Paulie: All the shit we been through, you think I'd really kill ya?
Christopher: Yeah, I do.

Adriana: [at Christopher's intervention] But when you killed Cosette, that was the last straw.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Killed the dog? What'd you do that for?
Christopher: It was an accident!
Paulie: What, was it barking?

Paulie: You're a wormy cocksucker, you know that?

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: She's a great girl, you don't want to lose this one
Silvio: T's right, you could have more kids than the Kennedys, if you're married to some twat what good is it?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You've got to have balance in a relationship
Christopher: I know all that, what if the kid thing never happens?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Come on, medicine today, technology
Paulie: This isn't about Ade or anyone else, stay single as long as you can
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: What are you saying?
Paulie: But marriage and our thing don't jive
Silvio: Everybody we know is married
Paulie: Not everybody
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You want to end up like my Uncle Junior?
Silvio: Or worse, Paulie?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Exactly
Christopher: Alright I've got to think about it

Christopher: [while lost in the woods] Could be him out there stalking us.
Paulie: With what? His cock?

Paulie: [before a sit down requested by Paulie, referring to Ralph not arriving on time] I got here first? Cocksucker
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: sit down, relax, have a coffee, he'll be here
Paulie: I think I got ma situated
Silvio: the Brother Joe home?
Paulie: [referring to the odor] nah, fuck that, we went there, almost gagged. Nah, we're gonna go with Greene Grove, based on your recommendation, Tone
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I never recommended it
Paulie: yeah, you did, when your ma there. By the way, did she have the Silver Bird package?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [uninterested] I don't know
Paulie: you know, Sil, it's the most expensive nursing home in the state
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It's a retirement community
Paulie: the level of care they have, ma was crying
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: eight grand a month?
Paulie: who gives a fuck? You see a seeing eye dog over here? Cup full of pencils?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I'm not trying to insult you, I'm just saying
Paulie: It'll be tough but I'll figure it out: worth every fucking penny, I'm the hero now
Paulie: [to Ralph when he arrives] you're late
Ralph: [before Paulie tries to lunge at him for the insult] well, tomorrow I can be on time, but you'll be stupid forever
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Paulie while holding him back] hey, sit down
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Ralph] sit the fuck down and shut up
Silvio: so, who wants to talk first?
Paulie: what's to fucking talk about? I'm owed that fifty g's
Ralph: [raises his voice] fucking alarm code? Fifty g's? Five tops, maybe? As a finder's fee?
Paulie: Freaking heist fell in your lap: you spend your days fucking those fat pigs in the outer office at the carpenters union
Ralph: three mill a year from construction this family sees
Silvio: alright, five is the negotiating platform, take it easy
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [referring to Ralph's crew] It's not five we all know that: these guys did the heavy lifting
Paulie: Little Paulie was good to go, fucking car never came. They left him waiting outside his house like an asshole in fucking eleven-degree weather
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [after thinking it over] Ralph, give him 12k
Paulie: I can't believe this
Ralph: why not? Last year you believed that flying saucers were over East Rutherford
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Ralph, irritated from his insults] I'm not gonna tell you again
Paulie: T, I'm asking you to reconsider this
Silvio: [replying for Tony] Paulie, you requested a sit down, he heard you out

Christopher: You remember that Princess Di? You think the Royal Family, uh, had her whacked?
Paulie: Heh, heh. Last time I take a fuckin' limo in Paris.
Christopher: Like you were ever in Paris, Paulie.
Paulie: I went over for a blow job. Your mother was working the bon-bon concession at the Eiffel Tower.
[to Silvio]
Paulie: Sil, did you hear what I told him? Told him "I went over for a blow job. Your mother was working the bon-bon concession at the Eiffel Tower."

Silvio: [after Bobby tells Paulie Sil wants to see him in the back office in the Bada Bing strip club] Have a seat
Paulie: What's up?
Silvio: [referring to telling Corky Caporale to hire the assassins from Italy] Phil Leotardo: The call's been made to the zips coming from Naples, you contact the guy to contact the guys
Bobby: Phil's at his Comare's every Friday night
Paulie: [referring to Tony, to Sil] T know about this?
Silvio: [surprised his question] What?
Bobby: What kind of question is that?
Paulie: [to Bobby] Watch your fat fuckin mouth!
Silvio: [to Bobby and Paulie as they stand up to physically confront each other] Whoa, whoa, whoa
Silvio: What're you concerned about?
Paulie: [referring to the war between the Gallo and Columbo crime families] I lived through the seventies by the skin of my nuts when the Colombo's were going at it: There ain't a bigger cocksucker than Phil Leotardo. I just wanna make sure somebody knows there could be a line to Cozzarelli's a mile long
Silvio: [irritated] Duly noted, so there's no problem, then?

Paulie: [Advising Christopher] You're a "made guy" now, it's your turn to make a little extra money and I get to relax a little. Your only problem in life, is that you give me ten points of your take, every settle up day, other than that you've got no problem. My problem is I've got to kick up my points to Tony and on we go with "this "thing of ours". But, ten points, that can be a lot or a little. It all depends on you and how much business you bring in. When you think of all the headaches most people go through in life, ours is all boiled down to one. Not a bad deal right?

Tony: [while visiting Bryan Spatafore in the hospital, after greeting everybody] how's he doing?
Gigi: I talked to him before. I think he squeezed my hand
Vito: His going to be a vegetable Tony, a fuckin retard
Tony: No, his going to be fine
Ralph: [after no one found his joke amusing] well look at the bright side, he wasn't that smart to begin with. Come on it's a tense situation a little levity huh?
Tony: [to Jackie Jr] What're you doing here?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: I can't visit my cousin?
Vito: [Referring to Mustang Sally] I want this cocksucker to bleed from his ass skipper
Gigi: You got it
Jackie Aprile Jr.: Just say the word: my fuckin pleasure
Tony: [to Jackie Jr] Why don't you grab us some coffee?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: Come on, are you kidding?
Paulie: [after pulling his chair away from the hospital bed] better yet: Go to the ears, nose, and throat department: get your hearing checked
Tony: All right, obviously you told the cops you don't know who did this?
Vito: I'm upset, but please... I know how to keep my mouth shut.
Ralph: Unless of course there's a salami sandwich around.
Gigi: [Turns round to confront Ralphie] what the fuck is wrong with you? We're trying to have a meeting here
Ralph: Oh, two minutes in charge, he thinks his Lee Iacocca
Tony: [while tapping his right shoulder, implying they shouldn't start a confrontation inside the hospital] come on, not here
Tony: [to Vito] there's no beef between your brother and Mustang Sally?
Paulie: Didn't owe him any money? Nothing like that?
Vito: No, nothing
Ralph: [Referring to Mustang Sally] this kid's a whack job: Meadowlands last year remember? Threw a hot dog vendor off the second mezzanine, too many fuckin onions or some shit
Tony: [to Gigi] you get him under control?
Gigi: With extreme fuckin prejudice
Tony: [to Paulie, after nodding to Gigi meaning his giving his approval to have Mustang Sally killed] we gotta to go

Nucci: You didn't go to your mothers funeral? It's a sin.
Paulie: Some mother! Even a rat don't abandon its own children.
Nucci: Now you should feel sorry for her. Now she's going to have to face St Peter with the stain on her.
Paulie: I hope she rots in hell!
Nucci: Don't say that!
Paulie: And you, I was your meal ticket. The goose with the golden eggs. Look at this place, who set you up here? Not that fucking brother of mine! Or Rose! They never provided you with shit! Well, your real children can start now. I went without, so you could have. The mink coat, the massage chair from Sharper's Image. The flat screen TV!
Paulie: [moves towards the TV] Two thousand bucks for a woman I don't even know!
[he picks up the TV and throws it out of the window]
Nucci: Paulie! Paulie... please...
Paulie: You're on your own. I never want to see you again.
[leaves]

Christopher: [Talking to each at other in the restaurant] my heart's still pounding
Paulie: You're doing real good year with the sports book
Christopher: Yeah it's been good
Paulie: I'm going to give it to you, it's yours
Christopher: I was wondering when it was going to be
Paulie: The only thing is: there's a 6 grand minimum every week. I've got to get something out of this, but 6 grand, that can be a lot or a little, it all depends on you and how much business you bring in
Christopher: I love you Paulie, we're in it together now
Paulie: I love you too kid

Paulie: [while in his car, after seeing Christopher leave a motel room with a prostitute] your not even married yet, your "dipping" into whores already
Christopher: It didn't cost me a quarter. I didn't pay for it, how'd you find me?
Paulie: You better be careful. If I can do it, so can your bride to be
Christopher: So, what is this? Some new rule on who I fuck? You want more shoes? What?
Paulie: No, funny thing is they don't even fit her. I don't know why I thought she was a size ten
Christopher: I don't know either
Paulie: I'm here to tell you one thing: you ever go whining to the big man again about shit between you and me, then we'll have a problem my friend

Christopher: I'm going to hell, T.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You're not going anywheres but home.
Christopher: I crossed over to the other side.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You what?
Christopher: I saw the tunnel. And the white light. I saw my father in hell.
Paulie: Get the fuck outta here!
Christopher: And the bouncer said that I'd be there, too, when my time comes.
Paulie: What bouncer?
Christopher: The Emerald Piper. That's our hell. It's an Irish bar where it's St. Patrick's Day every day forever.

Paulie: [talking privately on two tables in out front of Satriale's, turning down Tony's offer of a promotion] with all due respect and I mean that from the bottom of my heart I'm going to pass
Tony: I don't fucking believe this, why?
Paulie: Every guy that ran that crew died prematurely
Tony: Oh come on
Paulie: I beat cancer once you got no idea what that does to you
Tony: Yeah I know
Paulie: Richie Aprile, Ralphie, M.I.A, Vito and who knows with Carlo and Gigi
Tony: Gigi died taking a shit
Paulie: Doesn't mean it's not part of an overall pattern
Tony: You're going to die yourself you should leave a "package" to leave your niece who has MS, it's like your bullshit with the cat the fucking animal catches mice for us and you'd drown it
Paulie: I would
Tony: His not looking at Christopher a rat died back in the wall or some shit
Paulie: I moved the picture, the fucking thing came to the new spot and stared
Tony: The abstract shapes or something, I'll tell you this, since Christopher's death my gambling luck's turned a one eighty
Paulie: Oh, it's fine for you to believe that shit but I can't worry about a jinx? I tell you something from my heart and you laugh it off?
Tony: I'm not saying there's nothing out there for you but not live your life? What are you going to do? Alright you don't want the job? Then you don't want the job I could put Patsy in there his going to be a part of my family now, it'll be good
Paulie: Prick, you always know what to say to me don't you?
Tony: I'm serious
Paulie: I live but to serve you my liege

Silvio: [During Eugene's wake] you got any beefs? I'm the one you come to. Likewise weekly I'll collect for the skip, keep it for him until his back on his feet, take out a portion for Carmella around the house and that shit there. Anybody got any questions? For now not personal questions relating to yourself but the family. Yeah Vito
Vito: [after he raised his hand] the sports book in Roseville, those rights should go to me now because Eugene was with me
Silvio: What'd I just say? Not about yourself
Carlo: What do we do about Junior?
Christopher: His in jail that puts him out of our reach
Vito: Not necessarily
Larry: His a demented old fuck. I say we do nothing, let him rot. Sever all ties, end this embarrassment right now
Vito: [Referring to the murder of Marvin Gaye by his father] he "Marvin Gayed" his own nephew: the boss of this family
Paulie: What happens to Junior is Tony's call
Bobby: That's right
Vito: Bobby, with all due respect, where the fuck were you that night? Why was the skipper babysitting Junior?
Bobby: I had other family obligations, ask my wife. Tony volunteered
Vito: Are we done? I'm going back to the hospital

Carlo: [Asking Finn what he saw Vito was doing with the security guard] "Catching" not "pitching"?
Finn: [Nods] He's not going to know I told you?
Paulie: You're going to have no problem from Vito, believe me.
Finn: [Nervously] What are you going to do?
Christopher: It'll be ok, we'll get him into therapy.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Giving Finn money] Why don't you go out front, get yourself a sandwich and a soda? Any kind you like when we're done here, somebody will drive you back.
[Finn takes the money and leaves]
Christopher: [laughing] I want to kill the fat faggot myself. It'd be a fucking honor to cut off his pishadeel and feed it to him!
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to everybody] There's no mistake now.
Paulie: [Yelling] I can't believe I stuck up for him. I feel like I've been stabbed in the heart.
Bobby: We can't have him in our social club anymore, that much I do know.
Carlo: "Social club"? He's got to go.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I want to think about it.
Bobby: I don't know...
Paulie: [Stands up yelling] *What the fuck is there to think about?*
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to paulie] Sit down.
Paulie: [Yelling] Fuck that! I'll say it again, what the fuck is there to think about?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Yelling] Are you going to take care of his kids? When he's gone?
Christopher: That's true. They didn't do anything, poor little guys.
Paulie: [to tony] I'm sorry if I yelled. It's just... How much betrayal can I take?
Christopher: Vito a fag, big construction tycoon. When he was always talking about "greasing the union, who knew that's what he meant?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to everybody] This stays in these four walls.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [referring to Ralph] Who got you those no-show jobs? And not a word of gratitude
Paulie: [sarcastically] e's a saint: You forget the thousand incidents with that guy?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [while showing the envelop of money Ralph gave him, referring to Ralph's son hospitalized after an accident] A kid in the hospital, just take a look on how he fuckin earns
Paulie: [referring to the prank phone call his mother received] I know it was that miserable prick that called ma at the home: they had to put her on Xanax just so she could sleep. She was in the hospital unit for nervous bowl syndrome
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Whatever "happened" there, "that" was fucked up
Paulie: [surprised, irritated by Tony's lack of concern] Fucked up?
Christopher: You don't know it was him
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [gestures to Christopher] Listen to your friend here
Paulie: And I'll promise you something else: on my old man's grave, I get proof it was him, he's a fuckin corpse
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Nobody's killing anybody
Paulie: All due respect, there's a "line in the sand" when it comes to mothers
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You lay a hand on him, and your gonna answer to me: if you can quote the rules, you can fuckin obey them, you hear me?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [when he doesn't respond] Don't just look at me, this is a business: did you hear what I said?

Silvio: the fuck you doin? Lunch is ready
Paulie: I'm gonna watch my hands
Silvio: you just watched your hands
Paulie: and then I tied my shoes
Silvio: so what?
Paulie: I can't stand touching fuckin shoelaces: you ever go and tie your shoes, and notice the end of your laces are wet? For what? Why would they be wet?
Silvio: I got no fuckin idea
Hesh: you ever go to public bathrooms? And stand at the urials...
Hesh: [interrupts him, irritated, not wanting to hear and talk about un-sanitized bathrooms while they eat] oh come on, will ya?
Paulie: [to Hesh, referring to Silvio] his asking, I'm telling him and frankly, it's important. Even if the laces are dry and even if you don't touch the body of the shoe, bacteria and viruses migrate from the sole up
Christopher: you see this on TV?
Paulie: I gotta watch TV to figure out the world? Your average shithouse is a sewer. You look at lady's johns', you can eat maple walnut ice cream from the toilets: there's exceptions, but in men's? Piss all over the fuckin floor, urials jammed with cigarettes and mothball cakes, it does nothin to kill germs: even if you keep your shoes tied and you're not dragging your laces through urine...
Silvio: [interrupts him, annoyed] shut the fuck up

Paulie: Amazing thing about snakes is that they reproduce spontaneously.
Tony: What do you mean?
Paulie: They have both male and female sex organs. That's why somebody you don't trust you call a snake. How can you trust a guy who can literally go fuck themselves?
Tony: Don't you think that expression would've come from the Adam and Eve story? When the snake tempted Eve to bite the apple?
Paulie: Hey, snakes were fucking themselves long before Adam and Eve showed up, T.

Salvatore: [Before picking up a long dart] it means "sit on this cocksucker."
Tony: [Amused, while they all laugh] five minutes from the can for the rest of my fuckin life and I'm laughing
Paulie: You got it skip

Tony: Fucking weird. My cousin in the old man's seat.
Paulie: It's like "Sun-Tuh-Zoo" says: a good commander is benevolent and unconcerned with fame.
Tony: What?
Paulie: "Sun-Tuh-Zoo". The Chinese Prince Matchabelli. Tony turned me on to him.
Silvio: Tzu, Tzu! Sun Tzu, you fucking ass-kiss!

Paulie: I got dosed with acid once, back in '68.
[to Tony]
Paulie: I was with your dad and them at the Copa. Fuckin' BOAC stewardess put it in my drink. Jerry Vale's singin' and I look over. Your Uncle Jun's got laser beams shootin' out his eyes!

Walden: [Paulie walks into the main room in Satriale's and sees the cat staring at the photo of Christopher] yeah, he does that all the time, sometimes he spends most of the day just staring at his picture you know their funny that way, I had an aunt her cat would only sit at exact corners of the table staring out or the intersection of two walls staring in
Paulie: The fuck? This animal is history today, pick him up
Walden: You pick him up
Paulie: [Tony enters the room] T, you see this shit?
[Referring to the cat]
Paulie: he says he does it all time
Tony: [Referring to the cat] Oh yeah? Leave him, his a good guy
Paulie: Look at him staring at that dead kid, it gives me the fucking creeps
Tony: [to Walden] give us some privacy
Paulie: [to Walden] what the fuck kind of name is that for an Italian?
Walden: I was named after Mr. Bobby Darin, Walden Robert Cassotto
[Walden picks up the cat and leaves]
Tony: The Cifaretto crew, it's like a Chinese fire drill over there, especially now Carlo's absent
Paulie: I know
Tony: I want you to skipper that thing
Paulie: Really?
Tony: Fucking thing is like one big ATM machine, it's all in construction with New York, it falls right into your kick
Paulie: Yeah
Tony: Jesus Christ I thought you'd be pleased I didn't just hand you a diagnosis of the clap
Paulie: With all due respect I'd just like to mellow it a little

[Father Jose calmly extorts Paulie over the usage of a statue's solid gold hat]
Father: Given the tenor of this conversation, I sense there's a possible criminal element in this neighborhood that could endanger this precious piece of local history.
Paulie: But for 50 grand... you wouldn't have that sense!
Father: It would demonstrate to me that you take this feast as seriously as the people who began it.
Paulie: Okay Father. Nice meeting you.
[Paulie walks up to the statue and yells at it, as if to hurt its feelings]
Paulie: Fuck the hat!

Phil: [after Johnny Sack bursts into tears after being arrested by the FBI in front of everyone] I'll tell you one thing and I'm not ashamed to say it, my estimation of John Sacrimoni as a man just fucking plummeted.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Give him a break, will ya? It's an emotional day.
Phil: To cry like a woman? It's a fucking disgrace!
Paulie: It's fucking coach turned into a pumpkin.
Phil: Even Cinderella didn't cry!
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Look, when it comes to daughters, all bets are off. I've seen tougher guys than John cry at weddings.
Phil: OK, but let me ask you this: if they can make him cry, and if he's that weak, what the fuck else can they make him do?
Christopher: I gotta agree with Phil, Tone.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [angrily] Oh you do, do ya?
Wedding: Terrible out there, huh?
Phil: He's an emotional man. LOVES his daughter.

Paulie: [Questioning Christopher about his near-death experience, where Christopher thought he went to hell] Was it hot?
Christopher: Yeah... I don't know. What the fuck?
Paulie: The heat would've been the first thing you noticed. Hell is hot! That's never been disputed by anybody. You didn't go to hell; you went to purgatory, my friend!

- The Russians? They're not all bad.
- Cocksuckers moved nuclear warheads into Cuba, pointed them right at us.
- That was real? I saw that movie,
- I thought it was bullshit.
- Who is it?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Kgb.
- Open up.

Christopher: [raises glass] To business.
Paulie: You're goin' to jinx me? Toast with water?
Christopher: Club soda. What's your problem?
Paulie: You got the problem, my friend. You're a real fuckin' drip lately.
Christopher: When I was usin', I was a disgrace; now I'm sober, and I'm a drip. The fuck you want from me?
Paulie: How's about bein' normal? That so fuckin' hard?
Christopher: Actually, yeah, Paulie, for some of us it is.
Paulie: Don't get cunty, I'm breakin' your balls... What do ya say we take a ride? A little prime rib, on me.
Christopher: Maybe next time.
Paulie: What are you watchin' your cholesterol now too?
Christopher: Yeah. Fuckin' hilarious.
[gets up and leaves]

Paulie: [commenting on the Bada-Bing dancer's Christmas outfit] Heh, I fucked a girl wearing a Santa hat once. It was too distracting. I kept losin' my hard-on.

Tony: [while on a fishing boat] What, you're not hungry?
Paulie: My fuckin stomach
Tony: When you went down below, I thought I saw a whale
Paulie: No shit
Tony: Made me think of Ginny Sack
Paulie: [amused] Heh
Tony: That joke Ralph made about her, that was some funny shit: gotta have a sense of humor, right?
Paulie: Yeah
Tony: I heard she took some office job, selling insurance. It was you who told him, right? It's no big deal, I can hardly resist
Paulie: Grapevine, I don't know
Tony: yeah
Paulie: He was a funny prick, that Ralph, Gladiator fixation, the time he hit Georgie in the eye with the chain
Tony: I would've loved to see John's face when he heard that crack. Always holier than now because he didn't fuck other women

Paulie: I bet you didn't counter offer
Johnny: If this gets really bad, there could be a "change"
Paulie: Tony?
Johnny: Suffice to say, now or in the future, Carmine won't forget you. As far as us talking like this...
Paulie: [interrupts him] Just because we're old friends and I know I can "blow off" a little "steam" with you
Johnny: Cheaper than a bartender
Paulie: I'm only trying to bring good relations between the families as I always do and always will, no matter what happens or who's in charge

Christopher: [sitting in an abandoned van in the woods, during the winter, sees Paulie chewing on small white objects in his mouth] what are those? Tic Tacs?
Paulie: I just found them, I didn't know I had them on me.
Christopher: You had Tic Tacs all along? Give me some.
Paulie: There ain't no more, I ate them.
Christopher: [referring to the fact he didn't eat breakfast] selfish prick, I'm dying here.
Paulie: [dismissively] Then fuckin die already.

Tony: [Meeting outside the hospital] not even a courtesy call and you approach my company?
Phil: No disrespect Tony, you've been in a coma
Tony: So that gives you Carte blanche?
Paulie: It's that fuckin John, his sitting in the can, the Feds are trying to take everything his got. His in a panic state
Tony: Alright I'm sensitive to that but whatever happens to Barone Sanitation, I've got to be kept on. I need that W-2 and now you can see I'm facing a long convalescence and Barone is my secondary insurance carrier. I need it
Phil: John's going to take care of you, you know that. What your asking: twenty-five percent of the sales price, a year's salary until retirement, plus skim? Come on
Tony: [Eventually turns to Paulie and asks him] look, I don't want to argue. I'm not well so I'll give John a break on the skim. I'm getting two G's a week now
Tony: [to Paulie] how many stops we based that on?
Paulie: [after Tony asks him a second time catching him off guard] eleven
Tony: The fuck you talking about? It's at least twenty-five
Paulie: [to Phil before his cell phone rings] twenty-five
Tony: Alright I'll take the skim on twenty, fifteen hundred a week but I stay on the payroll as is
Phil: All I can do is deliver the message Anthony

Paulie: [Talking to Tony while Tony's in a coma] I've got to wear a jock, the doctor says it will help keep my testes elevated, of course it'd be a lot worse. They gave me an ultrasound, there's no rupture. The good news is, I did it when I made a big score in business and I saw a little action.

Paulie: Altieri's wake is tonight.
Christopher: I phoned in a bomb scare.
Silvio: See, now that's over the top.

Finn: It was the other way around. Vito was blowing the security guard.
Paulie: Son of a bitch!

Christopher: Santa, we still haven't got one.
Paulie: You wanna do it?
Christopher: Me, what do I know about it? I don't have kids.
Silvio: You don't have to, Santa doesn't have any kids.
Paulie: Yeah, that's strange, that Mr. And Mrs. Claus didn't have kids of their own.
Silvio: Probably why they got into it in the first place.
Paulie: I used to think the elves were their kids.
Silvio: They were running a sweatshop over there.
Paulie: There was something on TV, the original elves were ugly, traveled with Santa to throw bad kids a beatin', and he gave the good ones toys.
Tony: The fuckin' Grinch. Maybe that's where they got the idea.
Silvio: And fuckin' Dr. Seuss ripped it off.

Paulie: [to all his friends while entering the Bing to his welcome home from prison party] Whattaya hear, whattaya say?
Tony: Youngstown my ass, look at this guy, it look like you were in Miami
Albert: Yeah you look like you were in Miami
Paulie: [while hugging him] good to home skip
Vito: What can I get you Paulie?
Paulie: After four months inside? How about laid?
Christopher: [Jokingly] I heard you getting "laid" up there all the time

Meadow: [in the dinning area of Nuovo Vesuvio] She had one American Idol
Barbara: No
Tom: Jennifer Hudson? Absolutely
Jason: Jason G was winner of Italian American Idol he could say "fuck" in one sentence than any other contestant
Meadow: Uncle Paulie come sit down
Paulie: Yeah I'll sit with you I'm young at heart right? Who are you dear?
Tara: Tara Zincone Bobby's niece
Paulie: [gently rubs her hand] My condolences, I've lost two dear friends
Jason: Sil's hanging on
Paulie: I lost Ma last month you can take 2007 and give it back to the Indians
Meadow: I'm sorry
Paulie: What are going to do? Life goes on
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: It's like America
Jason: What about it?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: This is still where people come to make it, it's a beautiful idea and what do they get? Bling? Come on's for shit they don't need and can't afford?
Tara: You're all over the place I don't know what you're trying to say

Paulie: First place I'm hittin' is Denny's!
Christopher: I know. Get like five of those Grand Slam breakfasts.

Paulie: [to Bobby Baccalieri] The boss of this family told you you're gonna be Santa Claus, you're Santa Claus. So, shut the fuck up about it!

Paulie: [Waiting in a van] "Half an hour" he says, fucking hour and a half already.
Paulie: He is busy, enjoy the music.

Paulie: [while at a wedding reception] what're you doing here?
Carmine: I'm a guest. My housekeeper's daughter
Paulie: Small world: the groom's dad is my third cousin beautiful ceremony huh? So listen, about all that stuff that's going on, Tony and all?
Carmine: What's your name again?
Paulie: Paulie Gualtieri, Jersey?
Carmine: Your father was run over by a trolley right?
Paulie: Johnny talked to you about me, right?
Carmine: Johnny who? Sack? Talked to me about what?

Tony: [while inside David Scatino's sporting goods store after business hours, referring to the police investigating the murder of Matt Bevilaqua] if they do have something, why aren't they talking to you?
Salvatore: Give them time, they will
Tony: [Referring to the charges they'll face] murder, aiding, and racketeering
Salvatore: [On the possible sentence they'll receive] Twenty to life
Tony: [while Paulie and Furio enter the store, jokingly] there they are: the Flaying Gavone Brothers
Paulie: [to Tony] not good, not good
Tony: [Suddenly stands up and forcefully grabs Paulie by his shirt] on my fuckin kids I will cut you, just tell me
Paulie: Take it easy Tone. It's fixable. First off it's not a rat
Salvatore: Thank God
Paulie: [to Pussy] don't thank Him yet. There's an eyeball witness
Tony: What're you talking about?
Tony: [after kicking a table, to Pussy] Jesus Christ! Shit! Did you see anybody? Did you see another living fuckin soul?
Salvatore: Fuck no
Paulie: Don't worry, it's only a mere bump in the road
Tony: Oh, you're beautiful
Salvatore: Do we know him?
Paulie: My friend at the station only knows is that his a civilian. A flag saluting mother fucker
Furio: [to Tony, unintentionally incorrectly using the Idiom "go on the lamb"] Maybe you should lamb chop it for a while?
Salvatore: I keep a suitcase in my trunk
Paulie: Yeah, tell us about it
Salvatore: Hey, fuck all of you, bygones are never fuckin bygones
Tony: This is a fuckin nightmare. I've got to move some cash around, if I going to lamb it I'm going away with a fuckin "package." I'm not going to be like Mickey Mcsuko. That poor prick had five fuckin minutes to run. He ended up in some rat infested motel down in Elvis country
Furio: [to Paulie] where is that?
Paulie: Anywhere there are no Jews or Italians
Furio: I don't get it
David: [after coming out of his office] it's starting. It's fuckin starting
Salvatore: Get back in your office David
David: I'm opening my mail and it's a lawsuit, there's a fuckin lean on the building they're going to close me down
Tony: Davey, not fuckin now ok?
David: They're going to know after this it's fraud. I'm going to go to jail for this
Tony: [Angrily stomps towards David while shouting] get the fuck back in your fuckin hole now!
Tony: [after calming down, realizing they still David to continue their bust out scheme] Davey, you're doing a good job
Paulie: Don't worry about this witness T
Furio: [In Italian] that's true. We'll find him
Salvatore: Exactly
Paulie: You don't even know what he said
Salvatore: Fuck you. I did too
Paulie: What then?
Salvatore: I understood
Paulie: What does it mean?

[about DVD players]
Tony: I hear there's not as many titles available as on laser.
Brendan: You know, there's more coming, though.
Paulie: My internist told me the picture's not that different from laser either, Tone.
Brendan: But the sound, way improved.
Tony: Good. 'Cause nothing beats popping up some Orville Redenbacher's and listening to "Men in Black".

- Shit like that could be poisonous, you don't know. Come on.
- What?
- What the fuck is that?
- Looks like a truck.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Ah!
- There's fucking gravel under this snow!
- Back wheels are gone.

Dominic: [During Christopher's intervention] Christopher, this won't be easy for any of us I want you to know we're here today because we care about you all we ask is that you listen
Christopher: [to Adriana] was this your idea?
Dominic: [to Adriana] would you like to begin?
Adriana: [to Christopher] I love you very much, my only dream is that we have a happy life together for the last few months things have gotten very bad because you're using drugs all the time, your high all the time and I can't take it
Dominic: [to Adriana] be specific.
Adriana: When we first started going out we made love all the time now because of the drugs...
Christopher: Jesus, is this fucking necessary?
Dominic: [to Adriana] go ahead
Adriana: You can no longer function as a man, last week when I came and found you killed our dog that was the final straw
Christopher: [Referring to the dog] I fell asleep, she got suffocated
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You killed little Cosette, I ought to suffocate you, you little prick
Dominic: Tony, we're going in order
Christopher: [after Silvio reads his statement] I told you I had the flu, I can't even defend myself now?
Dominic: No one's attacking you
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Look, it doesn't change anything but I can verify he was sick for a little while, still this thing with the dog, how could you not see it on the chair?
Dominic: You're getting emotional tony
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: That's because I know what it's like to lose a pet!
Carmela: I happen to know you were high at my mother in law's wake, you were talking nonstop for twenty minutes, nothing but gibberish
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Shaking his head in disappointment] my mother's wake, Jesus Christ
Dominic: [after Paulie reads his statement] whoa, guys we said "non-judgmental"
Paulie: Fuck that, let him take his medicine
Christopher: Seriously Paulie, you want to talk about "being up"?
Paulie: Watch it Chrissy
Christopher: What? I thought we're honest here, you got some balls you know that? All of you, you want to talk about "self-control", how about you Sil? Fucking every slut you got working for you when you got a wife and kid at home how about you Paulie? You remember last year in the woods with the Russian guy?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Christopher I am fucking warning you!

[Bobby Baccalieri and Vito Spatafore are standing next to each other in Bada Bing. Paulie sees them]
Paulie: Look at this! It's like an advert for weight watchers! Before... and way before!

Dominic: [briefing them] Are we all here? Good afternoon, for those of you that don't know me, my name's Dominic and I'm alcoholic and an addict
Paulie: [irritated] Don't forget scumbag
Dominic: As some of you don't know, I've also been in recovery going on four years. I joined AA in prison and frankly, it saved my life. Now, we're all here today because we have something in common: not only we share a certain background in culture, we also care about Chris and want to help him with his heroin addiction. Has anyone of you guys been involved in an intervention before?
Silvio: We caught our daughter smoking pot once but...
Gabriella: [interrupts him] Not really, no
Dominic: No problem. An intervention is a non-judge mental confrontation: a care-front-tation, we call it. Now what I need from you guys is make a list of specific times where Christopher's drug use impacted on you directly. For example, Adriana, is it?
Dominic: [after she nods] You would say something like this, Christopher, last Monday, you came from work high, belligerent, and you were physically abusive to me
Adriana: What if his high when we try to talk to him?
Dominic: Then we wait until his sober. During my first intervention, Steven Patrono waited ten hours for me to sober up
Silvio: Your first intervention?
Dominic: In 1997, I suffered a relapse, as heroin addicts, alcoholics suffer a fairly high recidivism rate
Paulie: [sarcastically] Great, so his taking advice from a two-time loser?
Dominic: There are no losers in recovery

Paulie: [referring to Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero] There isn't even anything wrong with his back
Tony: What'd you mean?
Paulie: Remember that guy hit me in the head with that pool cue and I fucked my neck up?
Tony: Yeah, down at the shore
Paulie: Right, I went to this doctor, this guy works on the Jets frontline when they get hurt. "He's like the fuckin "Jonas Salk" of backs. Anyway, I sent Pussy to this doctor, the guy gives him the "works", MRI's, CAT scans, dog scans, you name it and he says not a fuckin thing wrong with his back
Paulie: [when Tony doesn't respond] Then again, he says "When it comes to backs, nobody knows anything really".

[the cat jumps on the table in main room in Satriale's]
Walden: He was at the safe house. We brought him over.
Paulie: Get him the fuck out. These are snakes with fur. The old Italians'll tell ya, you can't even put 'em around a baby. They suck the breath right out.
Benny: Well, you're the only baby here, so we're ahead of the game.
Paulie: Ya wanna be wearin' his fuckin' pelt on ya head?

Richie: [to Paulie and Silvio when they arrive to see him] Sit down for Christ's sake
Paulie: I wanna talk to you about Beansie Gaeta
Silvio: You know he may never walk again
Paulie: [to Silvio] Never say never
Richie: [to both of them] No, say never. He's a shopping cart from here on out
Paulie: He gets home from rehab soon, poor motherfucker: you should help him out
Richie: [confused] Help him out?
Paulie: You should build him a ramp on his house: for the wheelchair
Silvio: You can make the place Whatchamacallit... handicapped assessable?
Richie: Maybe when I'm over there, I can fuck his wife?
Silvio: Come on Richie, you're a fuckin captain now. So, you assert a little pressure, call that nephew of yours Vito and the other one. They're in the building trades, aren't they?
Richie: Wait, are you fuckin serious?
Paulie: Richie, it's a gesture. The man has a lot of friends
Richie: You're out of your fuckin minds
Silvio: Don't take that attitude Richie
Paulie: [sternly] Hey, your gonna build Beansie a ramp
Richie: I'll build a ramp up to your ass

Christopher: You know, and I know, they were there to boost that shit.
Paulie: It couldn't wait, OK? I promised a load to Lenny down the Joint Fitter's Union.
Christopher: What do I give a fuck? It ain't my union!
Paulie: Lower your voice, I got neighbors.
Christopher: Fuck your neighbors! When are you gonna pay me?
Paulie: When you suck the money out of my ass! Now get the fuck out!

Paulie: [while entering the back office of the Bada Bing strip club] I'll tell you one thing: If it was me this kid was spreading rumors about, he'd have something up his own ass. And it wouldn't be no cock either.
Carlo: That's the point though. This guy Sal, I know him. He's a friend of ours.
Christopher: I fuckin' called it, long time ago.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Referring to the Italian slang term for homosexuals] You knew Vito was "ricuin"?
Christopher: Yes.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: When?
Christopher: I never said it, but I knew.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Get the fuck out, huh? And enough of this "rush to judgment", for all we know this fuckin' Sal guy's got a hard on for Vito.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Christopher after he starts laughing] Oh, you think this is funny? There's a man's reputation at stake here!
Paulie: Married man, with kids.
Carlo: That don't mean shit. Elton John was married.
Silvio: Yeah. Rock Hudson too, I think.
Christopher: So, what'd we got to do? Actually see him take it in the ass?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Patsy] Get Vito on the phone.
Silvio: You know he called me the other night? Three o'clock in the morning after the wedding.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: And?
Silvio: Honestly, it was weird. He wanted to know what was going on.
Christopher: He was fuckin' fishing, see if we heard.
Patsy: [to Tony, after calling Vito's cell phone] Straight to voicemail.
Silvio: Tone, I mean, he represents us.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I'm not going to condemn the man off the word from some fuckin' douche bag from Yonkers.
Patsy: I could care less basically.
Paulie: Yeah? Maybe *you're* a "flambé"?
Carlo: Fuckin nauseating. If it was up to me I'd drag Vito behind my fuckin' car right now.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Oh, will you take it easy over there, fuckin' Judge Roy Bean?
Christopher: One of my bar girls knows his goomah. Check with her maybe, she's seen him or knows where he is. Lauren.
Carlo: Think about it though, Tone. Sudden weight loss...
Paulie: [Shocked] AIDS?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Nobody's got AIDS! I don't want to hear that word in here again!

Paulie: [after playing pool] are you wearing a wire?
Christopher: Are you fucking crazy?
Paulie: [to Patsy] pat him down
Christopher: If he fucking touches me...
Paulie: Then make it easy on us all, take everything off.
Christopher: [Christopher takes off his pants]
Paulie: [Referring to his underwear] I said "everything"
Christopher: Go fuck yourself
Paulie: Before I was breaking balls now you're beginning to worry me
Christopher: [Christopher takes off his underwear]
Paulie: I guess you can call that a dick
[laughs]

Feech: [telling Tony his version of events, during a sit down, referring to Paulie] and then from nowhere, he cracks the one kid's head with a shovel, and the other one he knocks out of the tree
Paulie: [to Tony] he jumped out of the tree and came at me with a chainsaw, I got a right to defend myself, Tone
Tony: [to Paulie] alright, take it easy, relax
Paulie: [referring to Vitro's lawn mowing business] Sal Vitro's been working the area since my ma was still working at Kresge's. I should be able to help out a kid from my own neighborhood
Tony: [after thinking it over, to Feech, referring to Paulie] alright how about this? Vitro and your nephew will split the area, east of Dire is yours, west of Dire goes to him. For the broken arm, I don't know, give him five hundred bucks
Paulie: I already told the guy twelve
Tony: there's fuckin compromises in life Paulie. Alright, make it a grand: pain and suffering. Naturally, I want my "taste", retroactively because this is the first time I've heard anything about this

Tony: You know, no offense but you ever had yourself checked for Tourette's?
Paulie: What?
Tony: Tourette's Syndrome. Seriously. "Heh, heh. Heh, heh." Maybe you got a tic or somethin'?
Paulie: I don't know. Like some people grind their teeth. When I'm nervous, tense or somethin'.

Paulie: this is nice, huh? A little road trip, just you and me: all things considered of course
Tony: just like the old days
Paulie: [referring to the first person Tony killed] Willie fuckin Overall. After all these years...
Tony: yeah
Paulie: I remember driving around with that prick in the trunk looking for a spot. What was it like, a week before AJ was born, right?
Tony: no, Meadow
Paulie: nice she's gonna be a doctor
Tony: yeah
Paulie: remember we took you to Lugers after? Me, Puss, Ralphie?

[Christopher is urinating outside on Paulie's side of the van]
Paulie: Ohhhh! Do that by your own window! I don't want to smell your piss!
Christopher: Fuck you.
Paulie: What did you say?
Christopher: You heard me.
Paulie: Don't make me pull rank on you, kid!
Christopher: Fuck you, Paulie. Captain or no captain, right now, we're just two assholes lost in the woods.

Paulie: [Referring to Beansie] Richie broke a chair over his head.
Tony: Are you shitting me?
Paulie: Then he smacked Beansie's head with the coffee pot and broke his cheekbone.
Tony: Prick, I talked to him yesterday, he's all "sweetness and lights." This "big brother" shit is getting old.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Hey, how you've been?
Tony: Can't complain. You look good.
Paulie: Where are your friends going?
Johnny: Yeah, tell them to come back and join us.
Tony: No, they're leaving.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: It's my first time here, the veal is excellent.
Tony: What are we making? Small talk now?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Nice to see you.
Tony: Yeah, you too.
Silvio: Not a bad ass.
Salvatore: [to Tony, referring to Dr. Melfi's breasts] She had nice "pipes" for the lips, no disrespect.
Tony: What do I give a fuck? I hardly know her.
Silvio: [to Pussy] You would take the tits over the lips?
Salvatore: Trust me, my boy, there's two things I'm good at: pulling dents and spotting good blowjobs, and that sweetie has world class blowjob lips, am I right skipper? You ought to know.
Tony: What the fuck do I know? It was a long time ago. Alright, she was good.
Paulie: Good? Or great?
Tony: Why the fuck are you busting my balls? It was a long time ago.
Paulie: [to Tony] Hey, I remember every blowjob I ever got.
Paulie: [to Sil] How about you? You remember your first blowjob?
Silvio: Yeah, of course.
Paulie: [Jokingly] How long did it take for the guy to cum?

Paulie: [unintentionally misquoting "Spinning Wheel" while paying their respects to Johnny Sack's passing by toasting with Silvio, Tony, Anthony Infante , and Dante Greco] Ride the painted pony, let the spinning wheel glide.

[Paulie and Christopher chase Mikey into the woods, until he finally twists his ankle and falls]
Mikey: Please, please, come on! No!
Paulie: Fuckin' poison ivy all over me.
Christopher: My friend Brendan, you shot him in the bathtub, naked. No chance to run.
Mikey: I swear to god, it wasn't me! It was Junior! He fucking hated that kid!
Christopher: Yeah, right. It was Junior. Mr. Magoo!

Paulie: [talking privately on two tables in out front of Satriale's] Tone, I never told this to another livin' soul but...
Tony: Yeah?
Paulie: One time at the Bing, I was alone to meet Eddie Lind. I saw the Virgin Mary.
Tony: Why didn't you say somethin'? Fuck strippers, we coulda had a shrine. Sold holy water in gallon jugs. Coulda made millions.

Tony: How's the new stock doing?
Gigi: Up three at the close of The Dow yesterday. Another two so far today
Tony: Beautiful
Gigi: Listen I think we may have a problem
Tony: Log off, that cookies shit makes me nervous
Gigi: I think we have a problem with our "friend" the twin
Tony: Yeah so?
Gigi: My Goomba Joey Flies, he hangs out at The Nest in Bloomfield. So our "friend's a fixture down there and Joey says lately his been into the booze "very heavy", his all fucked up. A couple times they had to help pick him off the floor. Patsy launches into this single malt diatribe about how people can still smile in your face and still be a villain. And that he knows how his brother died and whose responsible and all that there
Tony: He mention me by name?
Gigi: No, me neither
Tony: [to Paulie] you hearing this?
Paulie: How the fuck would know Patsy we clipped Spoons?
Tony: What? That "twin telepathy"?
Paulie: Somebody's putting ideas in this kid's head
Tony: [Sarcastically to Silvio] don't let us interfere with your golf game
Silvio: Maybe a cop trying to flip him, maybe getting him worked up over theories
Tony: He was talking weird the other day
Gigi: What should we do?
Tony: We brought him over from Junior's crew to keep an eye on him so that's we'll keep doing
Gigi: I mean make no mistake this guy must love you but it's got to be hard coming into work every day looking right into the eyes of the guy who ordered your brother whacked and even with a smile
Paulie: [Implying to kill him] we always have the option

Christopher: You ever feel like nothin' good was ever gonna happen to you?
Paulie: Yeah. And nothin' did. So what? I'm alive, I'm survivin'.
Christopher: That's it. I don't wanna just survive. It's says in these movie writing books that every character has an arc. Understand?
Paulie: [shakes head]
Christopher: Like everybody starts out somewheres. and they do something, something gets done to them and it changes their life. That's called an arc. Where's my arc?

- To keep up this lawn...
- Property taxes. Gotta pay those.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Taxes.
- Use the money to fix air traffic control?
- We should fight terrorism.
- How about that stampede in
- Zimbabwe? Soccer game.
- No assigned seating. Always a problem.

Christopher: [on Ralph] That poor fucking guy.
Paulie: Fuck him and his alligator tears.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Please, his kid's in a hospital, a little fucking sympathy!
Paulie: That gives him a pass? I don't care if he's got a hundred kids in the hospital with arrows in their heads, he's a piece of shit! You know it, and I know it.

Patrick: [to Paulie, in the dinning area of Nuovo Vesuvio] Ay, we were discussing Dreamgirls. You see it?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: You people are fucked. You're living in a dream. And you still sit here talking about the fucking Oscars? "What rough beast slouches toward Bethlehem to be born?"
Paulie: Huh?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: Yeets.
Meadow: A.J...
Tom: Yeats?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: The world... Don't you see it? I mean, Bush let Al-Qaeda escape...
Paulie: Oh!
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: ...in the mountains? Then he has us invade some other country?
Jason: Let's join up, go kill some fuckin' terrorists.
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: It's more noble than watching these jack-off fantasies on TV of how we're kickin' their ass!

Christopher: [while lying in a hospital bed and telling Tony and Paulie what he saw during his near-death experience] Mikey Palmice and Brendan Filone were there too: they were friends
Paulie: Those two guys hated each other
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Christopher, you gotta relax, ok? You just need some rest
Christopher: Their friends now, they were playing dice with two Roman soldiers and a bunch of the Irish guys
Paulie: It doesn't make sense
Christopher: and the Irish, they were winning every roll and then Mikey gave me a message for both of you:
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: A message?
Christopher: Yeah, he said tell Tony and Paulie three o'clock
Paulie: [confused] Three o'clock?
Christopher: [while pressing the button for the morphine dispenser] This fuckin morphine drip, I don't think it's working, I don't feel a fuckin thing
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You gotta be careful with that
Paulie: That was all he said?
Christopher: Who?
Paulie: Mikey, three o'clock?
Christopher: Yeah
Paulie: What was he wearing?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Paulie, referring to Christopher] Come on let's go, he needs his rest
Christopher: He had on a gangster suit: pinstripe, old fashion style
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Christopher, eventually kissing him on the forehead] That was a dream... forget about it, ok? We're gonna take you home soon

Vito: [helping him study for his massage license using flashcards] which muscles are attached to the Coracoid process?
Tony: I fuckin know this, it's on the tip of my tongue
Christopher: [entering the room with Paulie, jokingly] oh, study hall again
Tony: pectoralis minor and the coracobrachialis, and... .
Vito: and? Come on, even I know this
Tony: fine, what is it?
Vito: biceps!
Tony: [after checking his flashcards, then throws them on the table] fuck, I knew that: my mind's all over the place
Christopher: fear knocked on the door, faith answered, there was no one there
Paulie: [to Tony B] why do you wanna do this shit, so you can touch a bunch of strangers?
Vito: [to Paulie] you really "skeeve" the human body, don't you?
Paulie: [to Vito] you like it so much? Let me ask you a question, why do pissin, shitin, and fuckin all happen within a two-inch radius?
Christopher: everybody asks that, Paulie, there's no answer for it
Vito: their all "sources of pleasure" though
Paulie: get the fuck outta here!
Tony: I know this shit and the next minute, it's gone
Christopher: I don't know how you do it working full time, if your parole officer is a "problem", give our guy Jimmy Curran a call: he's a supervisor
Tony: it's not that, it's just all this pressure now that I got this "opportunity"
Tony: [to Christopher after he looks confused] Sungyon Kim, my boss, his gonna back me on a whole storefront operation
Christopher: [before Tony B nods] Korean?
Paulie: if your lookin for money, why not come to me?
Tony: this is "different", this "self-owned business" shit is like a religion to these people. Plus, the guy sees "something" in me. You know in some ways, the whole prison "thing" is not that different than being an immigrant
Paulie: [adamantly] word to the wise: remember Pearl Harbor!

Paulie: [while on the Asbury Park boardwalk] we gonna go see your boat?
Tony: [referring to Big Pussy Bonpensiero] no, I'm just... thinking about our former "friend"
Paulie: who?
Paulie: [surprised, after Tony gestures to the ocean] him? Not me: never
Tony: me and Jackie, met him down in 95, when he got back from Boca
Paulie: oh, yeah, that crazy shit with your uncle. Junior hijacked Jackie's truck, what about it?
Paulie: [referring to Pussy becoming an FBI informant] we should've seen it then: that's all
Tony: don't waste another second on that rat fuck. I'd kill him again if I could. Tommy Angeletti is doing a rebar at the Esplanade
Paulie: yeah?
Paulie: his into me for a hundred large on college basketball. Now Ralphie is holding up the contract for more money: his got the site shutdown on a strike, Angeletti can't work
Tony: [sternly] your fuckin book against millions that are gonna roll in from the Esplanade
Paulie: I figured you'd take a side but Ralphie shouldn't come across a couple no-show and electrician jobs? I shouldn't get something out of this Esplanade?
Tony: [after thinking it over] alright, I'll talk to him

Ralph: [referring to the amount of money he robbed from a safe] nice haul, crackin that strong box, almost a 100k
Paulie: where's my half? Fuckin week now
Ralph: well, let's see, after you kick upstairs, you'll net...
Paulie: [interrupts him] what're you, my accountant?
Ralph: I'm better at numbers than nine tenths of your accountants
Paulie: kind of in our ears in the respect department, aren't you?
Ralph: fuck you talkin about?
Silvio: [referring to Jackie Jr., then Christopher and Furio] your future step son, robbed your card game, he pissed on your leg, killed your dealer, shot at two made guys
Paulie: [points to Paulie and Silvio] A, you're talking shit that's none of your business and B, I'm gonna give that little fuck a beating he'll never forget, as soon as we locate him
Silvio: his in the housing project in fuckin Boonton
Ralph: [ignores Sil, to Paulie] so, this fifty, g's, you think you deserve it?
Paulie: deserve? It's my territory

Christopher: [referring to Vito] he was fuckin' stalking you,
Silvio: That's the thing with the gays, still living the closet makes them devious
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [points to the television of Mickey Rooney in the movie Strike Up the Band] Speaking of crystal meth, look at this WYO
Silvio: say what you will about Richie Aprile, when he found out his son was gay, he did the right thing... he disowned him
Christopher: [before leaving] I got an AA meeting
Paulie: [sarcastically, referring to the birthname of Charles Lucky Luciano, sarcastically] Alcohol fuckin' Anonymous now too, Salvatore Lucania must be looking down on all of us with great pride
Silvio: There's gonna be a lot of popular sentiment to get rid of Vito, Phil alone
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Fuck Phil, you know what that's about? His got to polish his reputation as a tough prick, so he can make boss. Vito in Atlantic City, his out there, his not part of us, and we get you know a trinkle of cash coming in each month

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Introducing Paulie to Brian at Paulie's welcome back from prison party at the Bada Bing strip club] say hello to Brian Cammarata, Carm's cousin, the financial guy
Paulie: How you doing kid?
Brian: [Jokingly] so, just back from "college" huh?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Let me talk to Paulie for a sec ok?
Brian: Nice meeting you
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: So, how you doing? You ok?
Paulie: Just thank God that piece of shit from Youngstown "copped" to that gun. I could've been wearing an orange jumpsuit until I'm ninety
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Handing him an envelope full of money] well, your back home now. That's the important thing. Here, to get back on your feet
Paulie: Thanks T, not that I don't appreciate it but I could've used a boost while I was gone too. Fuckin bills. Then there's ma with the private home care. You know she almost lost her spot at Green Grove? An extra 5g's to hold her place
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Paulie, you've been back thirty seconds and you already got a fist full of cash, and not to mention the no-show jobs I got for you
Paulie: Your right Tone. I know
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Enjoy the party
Paulie: I will

Tony: [while watching a boxing match together in the hospital, referring to the boxer Da Lux bet on] your boy's getting tired
Da: The fool's costing me fifty G's
Tony: Who'd you play the action with?
Da: Pinnacle
Tony: Online? What price did they give you on Alverez?
Da: Three fifty
Tony: My friend here give you three seventy-five, right Paulie?
Tony: [after Paulie remains silent, referring to the boxer during the break] I wonder what kind of health insurance his getting?
Paulie: It's a life of abuse
John: Well, he is a boxer
Paulie: It's the same for everybody. Look at you T, you do your uncle a kindness: get shot for your efforts. You think you got family? In the end, they fuck you too
Tony: [to everyone in the room] His grieving, his aunt just died
Paulie: [Referring to the boxer] I'll tell ya each and every one of us are alone in the ring, fighting for our lives, just like that poor prick
John: Well, that's one way to look at it
Paulie: You got another one?
John: Don't get me started, it's complicated
Paulie: You think I'm stupid?
John: It's actually an illusion those two boxers as separate entities
Paulie: What the fuck?
John: The separate entities is simply the way we chose to perceive them
Tony: I didn't choose nothing
John: It's physics. Schrodinger's Equation: the boxers, you, me are all part of the same quantum field
Blinged: You ever substitute teach at Carter Middle School?
Tony: His a rocket scientist for Christ's sake, Bell labs
Tony: [to Schwinn] you were saying?
John: Well, think of those two boxers as ocean waves or two currents of air, two tornadoes, they appear to be two things right? Two separate things but they're not. The tornadoes are just wind stirred up in different directions. The fact is nothing is separate, everything is connected
Da: Everything is everything, I'm down with that

Tony: [Meeting privately] Let's walk. I need you to head out to Newark for me
Paulie: Airport?
Tony: Alitalia. Friend of ours is coming in
Paulie: Who? Mauro Zucca's wife?
Tony: No, Furio
Paulie: [jokingly] Furio? Coming here? What? To see what indoor plumbing looks like?
Tony: I'm making some changes
Paulie: [Sarcastically] well, thanks for fuckin telling me. When was this decided? Did I do something wrong?
Tony: Sunday: my house, a box of Mallomars on the counter, fuckin empty... you think I didn't know it was you?
Tony: [When Paulie doesn't respond] I'm kiddin' with you, you fuck. Him coming over is good: you're getting a bump
Paulie: Fuckin Mallomars, I thought you lost your mind?
Tony: Listen, the way things are, I gotta step back, Feds find an excuse and I'll do a dime for jaywalking
Paulie: Not like the old days, huh?
Tony: Furio being here frees you up, frees me up. It's me, then you, and Sil together, that's the new pecking order
Paulie: What about Puss?
Tony: Pussy reports to you guys, directly, same with Furio
Paulie: [after hugging] this means a lot to me

Peter: [about Paulie] Back in the day, 70's, fuckin' 80's, you didn't make a move in North Jersey without this one up your ass.
Anika: [laughs] I wasn't even born yet.
Paulie: Please. Wanna talk about stand-up guys?
[points to Beansie; everyone is quiet because Beansie is wheelchair bound]
Paulie: Sorry, Beans.

Paulie: And on it goes this thing of ours."

Johnny: [after accepting a collect call from Paulie from prison] speak, how you doing?
Paulie: You know, thanks for the stamps, how you getting on?
Johnny: I feel old
Paulie: Listen John I just want to say I hope your feelings weren't hurt too bad and that it never got back to the Mrs.
Johnny: The fuck you talking about?
Paulie: You didn't hear the joke about Ginny? Never mind: let it die in death
Johnny: What joke?
Paulie: John, you're better off not hearing it. Trust me
Johnny: Fuck that I demand you tell me

Tony: [while in the elevator after meeting with Phil] you got your head up your ass today, what's going on?
Paulie: My aunt Dottie's been sick, the call I got: she just died
Tony: Oh sorry, your mom's sister or your dad's?
Paulie: Mom's
Tony: She must be broken up?
Paulie: [after they arrive on their hospital floor] here we are
Tony: I guess your brother and sister are coming in?
Paulie: Yeah
Tony: Your aunt, the nun?
Paulie: Yeah
Tony: [Referring to the coif that is worn by nuns] I always wondered, they got hair under there?
Paulie: Yeah, short
Tony: Maybe you don't want to talk about it
Paulie: Yeah

Meadow: [reading to him from a book] "In Montana, the fossilized remains of a Tyrannosaurus Rex yielded soft tissue that indicated a definite link between dinosaurs and modern birds"
Paulie: [while entering the room with Jason] Look who I got here
Tony: [referring to Jason] Oh, the "sanitation prince"
Jason: [smiles] Hi, Tony, I'm sorry you're not feeling well
Tony: Thank you, sorry about your loss. Your father and I were very close
Tony: [gestures to her] Remember my daughter Meadow?
Tony: [introducing Meadow to him] Jason Barone
Meadow: Hi
Jason: Hey
Tony: Remember when you were a kid, at that field box at Shea, opening day? Me, you, your dad, Paulie here?
Jason: Oh, yeah, Kingman was just back from the Cubs
Paulie: Mookie Wilson hit that foul tip and beamed that guy in the lobe?
Meadow: [kisses Tony before leaving] I gotta get to the office: Finn's picking me up, I'll be back later
Tony: Sweetheart, thank you for everything
Meadow: [to Jason and Paulie, referring to Tony] Don't wear him out
Tony: [to Jason, referring to Meadow] She wants to be doctor
Paulie: Also considering law
Tony: [as Jason sits next his bed] So you living in... Deer Valley?
Jason: Yeah, ski instructor
Tony: So, Paulie tells me your thinking of selling your father's business to Chuckie Cinelli?
Jason: Yeah, I think it's the best thing for mom, and of course there'd be a severance package for you
Tony: [sighs] Frankly, I don't you should sell the business right now: there's a lot of "potential" buyers out there. When I get out of the hospital, I'll run the numbers and get you the "best price"
Meadow: Cinelli's offer seemed "fair"
Paulie: There's lots of things to take into account: you even know what your is EBITDA is?
Jason: [confused] My what?
Paulie: Earnings Before Interest, Taxes, Depreciation, and Amortization. It gives the picture of the company's profitability
Tony: [when Jason doesn't respond] Jason, you let me handle this, I don't wanna see you get hurt: the carting business is a different "corporate culture"
Paulie: Your tired T, we'll leave, come on

Tony: You alright?
Paulie: [referring to Christopher] I know I had my differences with that kid, but maybe I didn't do right by him, neither. If you were his dad, I was his Dutch uncle. And what the fuck did I do but get pissed off? Fight with him over cocksuckin', fuckin' money? And break his balls when he tried not to have a drink or a little taste of snow.
Tony: it's over Paulie

Doctor: [giving them an update on Christopher's status after he was shot by Matthew and Sean] Mr. Moltisanti suffered cardiac and respiratory arrest: due to internal bleeding. He was resuscitated, the bleeding was brought under control and his now in stable condition
Hesh: What was the duration of the arrest?
Doctor: about a minute
Hesh: Is he still intubated?
Doctor: Well, their removing the ventilator as we speak
Paulie: What the fuck you two talkin about?
Doctor: [simplifying Christopher's status for them] The worse is over but he was clinically dead for a minute
Adriana: Doctor, can I go in and see him?
Doctor: No, his going to be in post-op for four or five hours and then his asked to speak to Mr. Gualtieri
Paulie: [surprised] me?
Doctor: He asked twice for you and Mr. Soprano

Paulie: [eating frozen condiment packets in the van with Christopher] Not bad! Mix it with the relish!

Paulie: [in the dinning area of Nuovo Vesuvio] "In the midst of death, we are in life", huh? Or is it the other way around?
Meadow: I think it's the other way around.
Paulie: Either version, you're halfway up the ass.

Paulie: [about Beansie] Oof, Madon'! He pisses in a bag now? Jesus Christ, fuckin' kill me now. Huh!

Paulie: [when it becomes clear that Don Vittoria, boss of the Naples family, is senile] Ton', you give this guy a golf club, he'll probably try to fuck it.

Paulie: [during Nucci Gaultieri's funeral] thanks for coming
Carmela: [hugs and kisses him] We are so sorry for your loss
Tony: how you hangin in?
Paulie: As well as it can be expected
Carmela: It must be very hard for you, I know how close you two would become again
Paulie: Not much of a "send-off" here
Carmela: The room is beautiful
Paulie: Nobody's in it, what kind of sentiment is this to the spirit and generosity of the woman?
Carmela: [before kissing him and leaving] We're here for you, you know that
Paulie: It's a fundamental lack of respect and I'm never gonna fuckin forget it neither
Tony: Jesus, people your mother's age, their friends die off
Paulie: She "outlived" Sil? Carlo? their all over there with your nephew
Tony: yeah...
Paulie: [interrupts him] Councilman Cirillo was here three minutes. I clocked him: he told Gerry he was going to the Moltisanti wake
Tony: people are coming and if they don't... fuck them
Paulie: I got five hundred prayer cards
Tony: so, Carm and I are here, what the fuck is that? Nothing?
Paulie: [shakes his head] No of course not, it means the world
Tony: Ok
Paulie: [points to Nucci Gaultieri's body] She suffered too, you know?
Tony: Well, this is neither the time or place
Paulie: Your right

Little: [at the prison visitation booth] Ralph told this funny fucking joke though, at... um... at Albert's party. He goes, "Ginny Sack had a 95-pound mole surgically taken off her ass."
Paulie: He said that?
Little: [laughing] Yeah.
Paulie: [angrily] You think it's funny?
Little: That is in bad taste, huh?

Silvio: Ginny told Gabriella she needed a bigger house.
Paulie: Ginny Sacrimoni, what she needs is her own zip code.
Gigi: Jersey's a small state. She moves in, she could tip it over.
Furio: I like a woman you can grab onto something.
Paulie: You grab onto Ginny Sacrimoni, your fuckin' hands will disappear!
Silvio: She's so fat, her blood type is Ragu.
Paulie: She's so fat, she goes campin', the bears have to hide their food.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: When Ginny hauls ass, she's gotta make two trips.
Gigi: Two guys could fuck her at the same time, and still never meet!
Johnny: [John walks in] Fuck who?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Nobody, we're just talking about one of the girls
Johnny: Is that all you dead beats talk about?, Pussy?

[at Christopher's intervention]
Dominic: Paul, you wanna read your statement?
Paulie: I don't write nothin' down, so I'll keep this short and sweet. You're weak. You're outta control. And you've become an embarrassment to yourself and everybody else.

Christopher: [after rushing into the Bada Bing strip club to tell everyone about Vito] You are not going to fuckin' believe this...
James: [Interrupts him, to everyone] Vito Spatafore is an "ass muncher".
Tony: [to Murmur] What'd you just say?
James: I'm sorry, it's true.
Christopher: We ran into this kid, Vito was spotted in a fag bar in New York.
Tony: By who?
Christopher: The kid's cousin... Allegedly.
James: Probably bullshit.
Patsy: He's a married man.
Paulie: With a goomah!
Tony: All right, back up a second. What did the kid say exactly?
Christopher: The kid's cousin, Sally Cuzo...
Carlo: From Yonkers, I know him.
Christopher: Sal was at this place in the city supposedly on business, and he saw Vito holding hands with a guy with nipple rings.
James: You're leaving out the best part.
Christopher: He was wearing a motorcycle outfit like the guy in the Village People with the hat and leather vest.
James: Chaps too.
Paulie: I don't know... Fuckin' slander if you ask me.
Tony: [suggesting to everyone to talk privately in the office] All right, let's take this in the back.
James: [Making a joke] Yeah, that's what Vito did!
Tony: [Irritated, not amused by his joke] You can go.

Paulie: You know we should hit a Devils game some night
Salvatore: You still get tickets from the Greek?
Paulie: Right on the fuckin ice
Salvatore: I'll bring my sweater
Paulie: [Greeting Furio as he walks up to their table] hey, "chef of the future", have a seat
Salvatore: [to Furio, intentionally mispronouncing his name, mocking him] how you doing?
Furio: [Correcting him, unaware of the insult] Furio
Salvatore: [while Furio pours wine for him, jokingly then laughing] you didn't stomp those grapes yourself, did you?
Johnny: [Noticing them] look at this group
Paulie: [to Johnny] hey, "Mr. New York." What did you do? Swim across that river?
Johnny: [Before hugging him, referring to his promotion] come over here: congratulations
Johnny: [to Pussy, referring to his impoliteness] hey, don't get up
Salvatore: I wasn't gonna
Johnny: [Jokingly] piece of shit
Paulie: [referring to Italy] Say hello to Furio, "friend of ours" from the "other side"
Johnny: Oh, hey, I heard a lot about you
Furio: Nice to meet you
Johnny: Yeah, me too, my pleasure

Elzbieta: Mr. Tony, Mr. Sil is here, Mrs Carmela said you should stay in bed
Tony: Have him come up
Silvio: [enters Tony's bedroom with Paulie, Walden and Bobby] I'm right here Tone, we came as soon as we heard
Paulie: Patsy went over to Chrissy's mom's house
Tony: Yeah, that's where Carmela is
Walden: Carlo's coming up
Bobby: How you doing Tone?
Tony: My knee got banged up, he says it's probably going to be ok. You know last thing I remember was pulling away from Phil
Bobby: Skid marks all over the plates, the cops told Carm
Paulie: [referring to Christopher] He had a heavy foot that kid, always, almost put me through a billboard one time
Benny: [as he walks in and shakes his hand] hey Tone, I'm so sorry. I still can't believe it
Tony: Thanks, I know you two were close
Benny: I was making my collections, Anthony Mafay called me, Jesus
Walden: It's Carlo I bet
Tony: [referring to Christopher] fuckin idiot didn't have a seat belt on, his chest filled up, suffocated on his own blood
Benny: Jesus
Paulie: Poor kid
Bobby: Jesus Christ
Tony: Seems like that's the cause of death
Walden: It's not Carlo, its AJ
Benny: [to Walden] Carlo's coming up?
Silvio: [to Walden, irritated] What's with you and Carlo's fuckin arrival?
Walden: I'm just saying
Tony: Their gonna do a full blood test on him: see if you know... if alcohol, drugs... you know
Silvio: It did occur to me, he didn't seem high, did he?
Tony: Are you kidding? I would've been furious. I would've fuckin strangled him
Walden: He'd been working the program very dedicated ever since he threw Little Paulie out that window
Silvio: Let's not go there
Benny: Even before that he was battling that shit
Bobby: He gave it his all
Silvio: Anyway, his gone now, our Chrissy... crazy fuckin maniac
Paulie: Thing to take to heart T, your here, you're alright. You could've been killed for fuck's sake
Tony: What're you gonna do?

Tony: you got word on the power tools?
Paulie: yeah, the spics are sending the first truck Friday
Tony: [to Christopher] how about Alphonse at the hardware store?
Christopher: ready for the whole load
Bobby: speaking of "loads", you hear the latest on Vito Jr.?
Christopher: what?
Tony: Marie called: he got expelled because he took a shit in the shower in gym class
Paulie: [disgusted] whoa
Christopher: that sick little fuck
Tony: [referring to Vito Jr.'s gothic appearance] you should see him: the makeup? And without school, Marie says his shut in his room all day
Christopher: [referring to the 1999 school shooting] probably thinking about "pulling" a Columbine?
Tony: the little girl...
Bobby: Francesca
Tony: dad's gone, brother's a psycho, mother's a basket case, she's nine years old, what the fuck did she ever do?
Christopher: [nods] a tragedy, like a pebble in a lake, even the fish feel it
Tony: it's not right, Vito was one of us, so he sucked a cock, prior to that, he was our friend: can't just cut his family loose. That piece of shit Phil, his never gonna "pony up", and I'll tell you what, I will never, never forget, that he didn't come through here, never!
Bobby: let it go Tone
Christopher: this is good of you Tone, helping Marie
Paulie: I'll always remember it

Paulie: [while watching the FBI excavate the basement of the location where Tony carried out his first hit] Danny says he hears its Larry Barese's been talking. A lot of work for a dead fuckin bookie. You made "your bones" with that kid huh?
Tony: Yeah
Paulie: Old Zeepa Pean's house: you were shaky a little but you did good. I remember telling you your old man. Twenty-five years T, its possible there's nothing left
Tony: There'd be bones, teeth
Paulie: What're we going to do?
Tony: [Implying they're going to leave town until the attention and heat passes] we're going to pack our toothbrushes

Paulie: Cocksucker was way out of line!
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: 20 years old, this girl!
Paulie: That too.

Ariel: See, I sweated blood into this place and he owes me. And, uh, I intend to get what's mine. So please, don't embarrass yourself any further. Just leave.
Paulie: I'm not embarrassed.
[to Silvio]
Paulie: You embarrassed?
Silvio: [shakes head]
Paulie: [slams Ariel's head against the front desk] Listen to me, you weirdo fuck! You give Shlomo whatever the fuck he wants and you forget this 50% shit. You got nothin' comin' to ya. Nothin'! You understand me? Nothin'!
Ariel: Fuck you!
Silvio: Bupkis. Say "bupkis", Paulie.
Paulie: What?
Silvio: That's how they say "nothin'".
Paulie: [grabs desk bell] Fuck that. This is how I say nothin'.
[bangs the bell against Ariel's head repeatedly]
Paulie: How's that for nothin'?
[continues banging]

[Tony and Paulie are driving through Maryland]
Paulie: Chevy Chase. Fuck ever happen to him?