700 Best Rizzoli & Isles Quotes

Barry: Why do we sneak in when we already have a search warrant?
Detective: 'Cause it's more fun this way

Maura: I wonder why Benjamin Franklin agreed to be first Postmaster General
U.S. Postal Inspector CJ Prescott: Are you kidding? He got to "frank" all his letters, for one thing
Jane: Frank?
U.S. Postal Inspector CJ Prescott: Send them for free, no stamps needed. Although technically stamps did not exist back then, so...
Maura: Well, prior to 1847 dates, rates and the letter's origin were all hand written. Yeah, I'm a bit of a philatelist myself
Jane: A philatelist? Sounds dirty
Maura: It means I collect stamps
Jane: No. No way to make that dirty

Dr. Hope Martin: Why is it so much easier to tell a stranger the most intimate details of your life?
Maura: Because a stranger doesn't judge.

Detective: [Referring to Maura's adoptive father] Want me to shoot him?
Dr. Maura Isles: I do. I really do.
Detective: Okay.
Dr. Maura Isles: But, instead maybe I'll talk to him first.
Detective: Fine. But, let me know if you change your mind.
Dr. Maura Isles: We'll see how the talk goes.
[pause]
Dr. Maura Isles: Otherwise, you are very good at shooting my relatives.

Barry: Check this out. They're anti-women, anti-environment, anti -AAA. Who's anti -AAA?

Nina: Turns out custom reloaders are very cooporative people
[Korsak looks surprised]
Nina: after I threatened them with a warrant to seize all their chemicals to search for unregistered tags

Dr. Maura Isles: [after they traded clothes and shoes] Oh. You look sexy.
Detective: You look... like you're wearing my clothes.

Jane: Well, then it's official: you are married to the prime suspect in our murder investigation
Maura: No, Ed... Edward had nothing to do with this
Jane: Well, now, that's just got to be the wine talking, because you don't make definite statements about cases without proof
Maura: Well, since my husband is a suspect in an ongoing murder investigation, then I must recuse myself, which means that I'm free to guess, presume, and surmise, hypothesize, theorize, even speculate
Jane: Knock yourself out, girlie

Maura: There's a wet, tacky substance on her palm. Appears to be paint
Jane: Looks institutional beige
Maura: I'd describe it as more of a taupe or a sand color, perhaps even a muted coral with a hint of abalone shell. Am I being wordy?
Jane: A little!

Jane: [Just assigned Kent to a task who keeps babbling about it] We work in silence
Kent: Okey-dokey, we work in silence
Jane: That's not silence

Maura: The defense won't be able to dispute the chain of custody
Jane: It's a hail Mary, but it might be enough to put in front of a judge
Maura: "Hail Mary" is such a odd phrase. You know, when it was coined in 1975...
Jane: Maura, Jane, go, court, now, thanksbye!

Detective: I am never getting married. Or having children.
Dr. Maura Isles: You think that'll protect you?
Detective: No.

Detective: You've been following him for the past 2 weeks. Who hired you?
Jerry: I don't give up my client. Confidentiality issues
Detective: You know that privilege doesn't extend to PIs, if you'd like to add obstruction...
Jerry: Blyer's wife!

Vince: Hey, did you see the zombie Santa Claus?
Jane: Santa is not a zombie
Vince: Well, he never seems to age
Jane: That's because he's filled with the magic of Christmas, Korsak!

Vince: I would die for you. I wonder if that also means I would kill for you.

Dr. Maura Isles: [Jane comes rushing into the lab] Oh, I've been thinking about your wardrobe. And I was wrong about starting on ensembles. You're not an ensemble person. You just need a few high quality pieces and we build from there
Detective: I just need a new pair of pants. Is this why you brought me down here?
Dr. Maura Isles: No

Detective: [Looking at the body that Maura investigates] She was sexually assaulted
Maura: Reddish-brown stains at the inner thighs and external genitalia
Detective: I hear an echo!

Detective: We've gone over all the accident reports. So far, no people or feet have been reported missing
Dr. Maura Isles: I'll keep looking here
Detective: I'll keep looking everywhere else

Jane: [Arrives at the crime scene] This spoils my experience of nature
Maura: You hate nature
Jane: Well, I would like it a lot more if there were fewer dead people in it

Jane: [Theorizing what could have happened] That doesn't make any sense. It's not a professional hit. A pro wouldn't use a shotgun. It's not a robbery, nothing is taken
Maura: Could be random
Jane: I hate random

Detective: [Enters Maura's home] Morning
Dr. Maura Isles: Good morning! Coffee?
Detective: Yeah, I'd love some, but we have a dead girl in Kenmore Square!
Dr. Maura Isles: We do? Oh, my phone must have been off!
Detective: [looks around] Hi Jack!
Jack: [from above] Morning Jane!
Detective: He knows he can come down here, right?
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, he can't actually, until he finds his pants! I've looked everywhere!
Detective: Nice, and on a school night no less!

Vince: You'd have a better chance of getting struck by lightning twice after buying the winning powerball ticket

Frank Rizzoli Sr.: Nothing's mixed up, Frankie. Everything's in the order of the order of things.
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: [handing him a section of pipe] What the hell does that even mean? Here.

Detective: [catches Korsak gawking] I'm guessing she's in the waitress protection program, and you're watching her because...

Maura: How do I explain my presence if lieutenant Cavanaugh comes in?
Jane: Tell him you have menstrual cramps.
Maura: That doesn't make any sense.
Vince: Oh, yes, it does. He won't ask any questions once he hears those words.

Dr. Maura Isles: [examining Jane's sandwich] What is that white substance?
Detective: Fluff.
Dr. Maura Isles: Light, downy particles of cotton?
Detective: [pauses] It's marshmallow.
[Maura raises her eyebrows, intrigued]
Detective: And the brown substance is called peanut butter. It's ground up heavy, oily particles of peanuts. What, they didn't have that in your fancy boarding school?
Dr. Maura Isles: [eating] Oh, it's really good!

Dr. Maura Isles: What I say cannot leave this room.
Detective: What you say cannot *fit* in this room.

Dr. Maura Isles: You're clearly trying to frighten me.
Charles: I am.
Dr. Maura Isles: [leaning in] I'm not afraid of you.
Charles: [leaning in and whispering] I know. Because you're like me.

Angela: Alright, lighten up Frank, come on. Jane's running, Frankie's working. Everybody's having fun, I mean. We're all families out here.
Frank Rizzoli Sr.: I'd rather hang out with your mother.
Angela: Okay, that's not nice. That's not a good way to start the day, okay?

Dr. Maura Isles: Don't think negative thoughts. Your body will experience something that is not even happening

Angela: [at the bar, pitching a health drink] Do you get tired in the afternoon? Forget where your keys are, your phone? Well, Polynesian people are among the healthiest and happiest people in the planet. Now, science knows why. And it comes in a bottle.
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: [watching] How long's this been going on?
Detective: A while. I got the two bottle special.

Vince: Yeah, there are a lot of buskers in that subway station.
Barry: What the hell is a busker?
Vince: It's a street performer. I hear a good one can make like 700 bucks a day.
Barry: We are in the wrong line of work!
Vince: Hey, you need to have a talent.
Barry: I got talent.
Vince: One that people will pay to see!

Angela: Yeah, I am free, I am single, I got new job and it's time I start to live it up a little. Don't worry Jane, I'm making more money now than I ever did. And I got three new credit cards this week!
Detective: Yes, but mom, you do realize that you pay these off with real money, right?

Angela: [to Jane] You broke more bones that your brothers combined. How do you do this to yourself?
Jane: It's not broken!

Dr. Maura Isles: You should change.
Detective: Alright, I'll change in the car.
Dr. Maura Isles: Then I'm driving.
Detective: Aw, come on, I hate it when you drive.
Dr. Maura Isles: I hate it more when you undress and drive.

[last lines]
Detective: [to Giovanni] We'll let you know.

Maura: I'm taking an impression of his burn
Jane: I hope it's a better negative-negative this time
Maura: Let's not anticipate results, but I think it might be
Jane: I see something. Looks like snakes on a stick. Are those wings?
Maura: I think it could be the Rod of Asclepius, which often gets confused with the Caduceus
Jane: Who would get confused?
Maura: Well, the Caduceus is two snakes entwined around the magic wand of Hermes, topped by wings
Jane: Right, who doesn't know that?
Maura: You'd be surprised!

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: You know, I just realized this might be one of the last cases that we work together
Jane: Oh, no! Come on, I could become part of some FBI taskforce, I'll swoop in and make your life a living hell
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Ah, just like when we were little kids
Jane: Exactly

Detective: What about personal? Abby said the men in her platoon resented her.
Detective: No way!
Detective: Korsak, with all due respect, there weren't women serving when you were a Marine.
Detective: Hey, I ever treat you any different from Frost, Rizzoli?
Detective: Well, yeah. You never brought me flowers.

Detective: How does it go so wrong between two people who love each other so much?
Detective: You're asking a guy who has married three times?

Dr. Maura Isles: Oh! I forgot to tell you. He sculpts in the nude.
Detective: I want to hear everything!... after we solve this case.

Maura: [at the crime scene] This is interesting
Vince: Last thing I expect to hear here
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: What would you expect?
Vince: Sad story
Maura: Well, this is interesting and sad

Jane: [Shows picture] You know her?
Rhonda: Don't remember
Vince: Her name is Lianne Sampson. You were in Framingham together
Rhonda: Yeah, and so were like 2,000 other people. You wanna show me their pictures too?

[last lines]
Detective: [instructing Maura in the art of throwing peanuts at one's sibling] Yeah, aim at the head. Face. Yes. Nice. Very nice!

Detective: How did you get this idea?
Detective: Frost! I know, I know you don't believe in that sort of things
Detective: This happens many more times, I'll have no choice

Jane: Have I just been transported to some parallel univers? When did you two start a bromance?
Tommy: Oh, we go way back.
Rondo: Yeah, we met at the café last week.

Maura: [Jane still in her va-voom dress] Question: where do you keep your gun?
Jane: Oh, don't ask!

Detective: Where does someone get $2,000,000 in cash? Is there some special teller window for that?
Detective: You're thinking of withdrawing the Rizzoli family fortune?
Detective: In order to get $2,000,000 you must have $2,000,000

Dr. Maura Isles: Oh, I was just going to call you. I got a surprise here.
Detective: Oh, I like surprises!
Dr. Maura Isles: That's a good one! Do you want to talk about it?
Detective: We're talking about it!
Dr. Maura Isles: We are?
Detective: Maura, we don't have the time for this. I need you to focus!

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Olives and ketchup? You're not really going to eat that, are you?
Jane: Well, it's moldy cheese or this.

Frank Rizzoli Sr.: I want you to forgive me, Jane. Please. You're my number one daughter
Detective: I'm your only daughter, Pop

Maura: [Next to the victim] It appears the cause of death was traumatic limb loss
Jane: [Acting surprised] No!
Maura: We're gonna need more evidence bags

Jane: Well, can you at least talk about what it is the two of you are doing here?
Dr. Maura Isles: Susie is pursuing an interesting line of inquiry, a forensic examination of the victims
Jane: Victims? What, what victims?
[Susie points to the watermelons]
Jane: Those are not victims, those are watermelons!
Susie: I am conducting a fruitopsy
Dr. Maura Isles: That's funny!
Jane: Hilarious, I'll check in later. I am going to get a susdictionary!

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: [after Jane and Maura made fun of his motorcycle outfit] Can you two go and inspect someone else? That's very yellow
Maura: Thank you . You know, you should be very careful around ovulating women. The University of Texas study determined that ovulating women are attracted to biker types in order to fertilize their eggs
Angela: Ha, that explains what happened with, uh, me and your farther
Jane: Whoa, pop rode a motorcycle?
Angela: I'd rather not remember

Maura: Look at these two bottles of the secret sauce
Jane: That one's darker
Maura: Yes. Now taste them
Jane: Taste them? No! We're in the crime lab, it's not very appetizing. Maur...
Maura: [Grabs Jane's hand] Just taste it!
Jane: [Tastes the first one] It's good
Maura: Mm, hmm, now try this one
Jane: [Tastes the second one] They're the same
Maura: If you're not a super taster, it does
Jane: I think, I've just been insulted

Maura: [Offering a clean yellow shirt] Here we go
Jane: Come on! Looks like a radioactive booger
Maura: Okay, this is citrine, it's very fashionable
Jane: [Grabs the shirt] Also has the added of benefit being visible from space
Maura: [Jane walked away] You can't see it from space... I don't think

Dr. Maura Isles: There is a weather vane
Detective: Let's which way the airline is pointing
Dr. Maura Isles: I'll check the wind direction of this morning...
[looks it up on a computer]
Dr. Maura Isles: North by north east
Detective: So the air is pointing north-ish
Dr. Maura Isles: Which means that we're looking for a house on the east side of street in that runs north to south
Detective: Thank you, Magellan

Jane: [enters lab] You rang? Ish!
Maura: I have a surprise for you
Jane: [looking at an oddly shaped white sheet on a table] Oh no, Dr. Frankenstein, you shouldn't have!

Maura: [Walks in] You were right
Jane: Yay! I was right! I love being right! What was I right about?

Vince: Any idea what that white powder is?
Maura: It has the odor and texture of agriculture lime.
Vince: Ag-lime. I use that in my garden.
Maura: You garden? I didn't know that, sergeant. What do you grow?
Vince: Well, let me see. I got tomatoes, basil, kitchen herbs. I think I'll have really good crops of green beans this year.
Maura: Oh, you know I had great luck with French beans.
Jane: Okay, farmers. Let's work on the almanac later, right?

Maura: Oh no, no, no, she's an author with a PhD from Oxford. Wrote a captivating best-selling biography on Dr. Joseph Bell
[Jane is not impressed]
Maura: The Scottish lecturer who was the inspiration for Sherlock Holmes
Jane: If I say: "Wow, I'd really love to read that", can we talk about the case?

Barry: Uh, that is ugly!
Vince: Oh, come on! He's not even bleeding.
Barry: I meant the car.
Vince: There are those that consider the Chevrolet Citation a classic.
Barry: Hm, yeah a classic mistake. It's one of the 50 worst cars ever made
[Korsak looks at him]
Barry: which means you owned one.
Vince: Yeah, so? The car required more maintenance than any of my wives.

Kent: I guess I could be a bit more empathetic
Maura: Couldn't we all?
Kent: You're very empathetic
Maura: People have used a lot of words to describe me. I'm not sure that was ever one of them
Kent: Yeah, well, they don't know you, do they?
Maura: Well, I do sometimes wonder what kind of a doctor I would have been, I mean, to live people
Kent: A great one, brilliant even, but somewhat overdressed
[they laugh]

Jane: You know what? You go sit in his chair and tell him you're not leaving until he gives you the list
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: You got it
Nina: And I'll go wait in my chair for the list to show up
Jane: I will wait here in my chair for the list to show up
Vince: This is my chair and I'll defend it to the death

Dr. Maura Isles: [Doing autopsy] Cold heart
Barry: No kidding
Dr. Maura Isles: No, his... his actual heart. It's frozen. So is his right lung

Dr. Maura Isles: Actual cause of death was poisoning. No needle marks, so it's likely he ingested it.
Detective: Any idea what it was?
Dr. Maura Isles: It's from the phenethylamene family. But, I've never seen this exact combination.
Susie: We'll know soon though.
Dr. Maura Isles: [Barely able to contain her excitement] Yes, we will.
Detective: Is the... fen... Ethel Merman fairy gonna tell you?
Dr. Maura Isles: I'm afraid not. But, it is the perfect test run for our bio orbotron MS8000 mass spectrometer.
[Smiling big]
Dr. Maura Isles: It's being delivered today.
Susie: [At Jane's thoroughly confused look] It is the most advanced chemical analyzer in the world.
Dr. Maura Isles: Ultra high resolutions.
Susie: Recombinant glycol protein characterizations.
Detective: [Feigning excitement] Oh my gosh! Remember when you girls got that new DNA splicer and you talked about it for weeks?
Dr. Maura Isles,12387: [Extremely happy and excited] Yes!
Detective: This is even more boring than that!

Dr. Maura Isles: [fussing with her skirt] The cleaning lady put this in the dryer. It's vicuna wool. Who puts vicuna wool in a dryer? It's tight. Does it make me look fat?
Detective: Yes. You look ginormous. I can't believe how fat you are. What, what, what do you weigh, like a hundred and fifteen pounds?
Dr. Maura Isles: A hundred and sixteen point eight.
Detective: Wow, no wonder.
Dr. Maura Isles: Really? 'Cause I've been craving carbohydrates lately. Maybe it's a hormonal imbalance.
Detective: Maybe you don't have enough to do.

Nina: Which is strange
Detective: Strange is good. Strange is our friend in a murder investigation

Dr. Maura Isles: Mmm, branzino. With a Mugnier reduction.
Detective: Oh, ugh, it's looking at me, like I personally put the hook in. How am I supposed to eat that?
Dr. Maura Isles: Use your fish knife. It's next to the melon spoon.

[first lines]
Detective: You believe in love at first sight?
Dr. Maura Isles: Immediate attraction is pure narcissism.

Detective: [On the receiver Maura found] Can you give me an idea of its range?
[Maura and BT look blank]
Detective: Please don't tell me you don't like to guess either!
B.T.: Yeah, actually I do hate to guess
Detective: Well, I won't hold it against you, ask her
[Maura reluctantly agrees]

Detective: Can you lie about that?
Dr. Maura Isles: No, I don't lie
Detective: Well, it's not a lie
Dr. Maura Isles: Yes it is. I know when it is. I start to hyperventilate
Detective: Okay, it's a white lie
Dr. Maura Isles: It's still a lie
Detective: You've never lied to a guy and tell him he was good when he wasn't?
Dr. Maura Isles: No
Detective: Like this shirt with this jacket?
Dr. Maura Isles: Not really, no

Maura: [to Jane] You're a very good detective! And a very good person, once you've had your coffee

Vince: That would be a good theory, but I just met with Larry, Jr. and his lawyer, and I might have implied that our case is air tight and that Larry, Jr. is two steps away from death row.
Jane: Massachusetts doesn't have the death penalty.
Vince: My point was made. Larry admitted he lied about his alibi to protect his marriage.
Jane: He was with another woman.
Vince: He was being intimate with two other women. And one man. At the same time. And unfortunately, there's video, for our eyes only. Did I say 'ours'? I meant yours.
[tosses the thumb drive to Frankie]
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Oh, come on guys, don't do this to me.
Jane: It's a chain of command thing, Bud. I'm sorry; our hands are tied.
[Frankie looks at Korsak, who shakes his head. Frankie sighs dejectedly and walks away with the thumb drive]

Angela: Don't you think he's a little afraid too?
Margaret: Louis? No! Mh, mmh, he's perfect
Angela: Louis is a man?
[Margaret nods yes]
Angela: Yeah, well, then he's not perfect!

Detective: We should just talk to my mom together. You know, like a financial intervention
Dr. Maura Isles: Look, why don't I just handle it, because you and your mother just argue when you talk about money
Detective: Mother and I argue when we talk about the weather

Detective: It must be very complicated to be you.
Maura: You have no idea.

Dr. Hope Martin: Maybe I didn't believe that I could save people, but I knew I could speak for the dead
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, I wish I could speak for her
Dr. Hope Martin: She's someone's daughter. That's what drives me. Everyone is someone's child

Jane: Did you get Frankie's bullet out?
Maura: Yes, and your mother hates me.
Jane: No, she loves your guest house... and you too.
Maura: She hardly said one word to me.
Jane: Well, enjoy the silence for a while. She'll be fine... unless Patrick puts a hit out on her.
[Maura frowns]
Jane: Too soon?
Maura: You have a tell too.
Jane: Then what is my tell?
Maura: Your jokes get a little edge when something is bothering you.

Jane: Nobody bumps my lock, Maura.

Detective: Korsak's calling me BBK. Barf Bag Kid. Crowe's leaving plastic puke everywhere.
Dr. Maura Isles: You're not the first detective to be sickened by death. You just have to find your morgue legs.
Detective: [nods] I read a study that said people can conquer this kind of thing with repeated exposure. Like, when you're afraid of dogs or flying.
Dr. Maura Isles: Ah. Immersion therapy. Very effective. It worked for me.
Detective: What were you afraid of?
Dr. Maura Isles: People. Live ones.
[turning to the body on her table]
Dr. Maura Isles: She'll never judge me, tease me. And I can help her. I can speak for the dead.

Jane: Frankie? Make 65 copies of that
[hands him a photo]
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Okay... why?
Barry: Yeah, why?
Jane: 'Cause we haven't had a break in this case and it's time we got creative

Jane: I don't know
Vince: Well, I flew you to LA to find out!
Jane: Oh, it wasn't for the breakfast burritos? 'Cause so far, that's all I like about this place, no offense
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Burritos for breakfast? This is so unfair

Maura: [Noticing Jane typing on her computer] Are you looking through my personal files?
Jane: [sighs] Well, if you don't want anyone looking, don't label them personal!

Nina: This guy was amazing
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: And his brother. His dad too. The Fantastic Three. Why did Alice break the mold?
Nina: Because Marvel had the rights to Fantastic Four?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Nerd humor! Nice

Detective: Ms. Westcourt? Police! Ms. Westcourt? Ms. Westcourt, I am detective Korsak. Don't know if you remember me?
Carol: How could I forget? It's not every day that your husband gets arrested for murder!

Dr. Maura Isles: [Looking at Jane's boots] Oh. Those boots are fashion homicide.
Detective: [Seeing Maura taking off her heels] No. No! Those shoes are foot homicide.

Maura: Would you like some tea?
Dr. Hope Martin: Yes.
Maura: From the Ya'an Sichuan province?
Dr. Hope Martin: Yes! No one I know likes that tea.
Jane: 'Cause it's panda poop tea.

Jackie: Jared, you are too old to make up stories
Jared: I don't make up stories!
Jackie: That spider bite, that rendered you unable to do your homework?
Jared: I could have gone blind

Detective: [after coming home to Angela testing out old paint on her apartment wall] This reminds me of the time that I asked for a bunk bed and you surprised me with a pink canopy.
Angela: I thought you loved that bed!
Detective: I asked for a bunk bed because I wanted to build a fort, Ma, and I didn't wanna hurt your feelings. Ugh. I wish you knew I hate pink!
Angela: [referring to a paint sample on Jane's wall] It's begonia!
Detective: Then I hate begonia, too.

Maura: I'm so sorry. I should've offered you some tea.
Jane: And Girl Scout cookies.
Maura: I ate them all.
Jane: Even the Thin Mints?
Maura: I ate those first.
Jane: Damn.

Jane: [Maura is picking an outfit for Jane] Looks like it came out of your grandmother's closet
Maura: You said stylish and demure
Jane: I have never used the word: demure!
Maura: Okay, then
[picks another dress]
Maura: this will be perfect
Jane: I'm interviewing with a condo board, I'm not auditioning for The Bachelor!

[last lines]
Detective: [back at the spa with Maura, who is playfully flicking clay] You stop. Stop it, or they're going to charge us for the robes again.

Jane: Hey? Think you ever would've run out crazy medical terms to say to me?
Maura: Would you let the door hit you in the face as you entered?
Jane: [Thinks about this] Of course not!
[Walks out of the lab and pretends to hit the door]
Jane: Auw!

Barry: Everybody in here has a smartphone. I'll call Frankie, get him to look at what has been posted on Instagram, Vine, Twitter, Snapchat...
Vince: Stop! You're making me feel old.
Barry: You are old.

Susie: [Taking the cake as the celebration is interrupted] Okay, I'll just, eh, take this to the fridge
[looking at Jane]
Susie: not the morgue fridge
Detective: If that goes anywhere near a person with a toe tag, I'll know it
Susie: I understand
Detective: I'm watching you Chang!
[Leaves the autopsy room]
Susie: The morgue fridge is the only thing big enough to fit this cake in
Angela: Dead man tell no tales

Angela: [to Tommy] Honey, if I told you once, I've told you a hundred times: there can't be too many Rizzoli's!

Alexandra: Look, try to use just the two middle fingers. Like that. Alright, slowly, squeeze...
[gunshot]
Alexandra: Good, keep practicing
[walks away]
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: I will
Detective: [Angry] You failed your shooting test on purpose?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: What? No way
Detective: Well, either that or you're going blind, which from the way you're staring at her ass, I can see that's not the case!
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: It's no big deal, okay? I just needed a reason to have a couple of lessons with the new firearms instructor, Alexandra. Did you see her?
Detective: This is sad on so many levels!

Maura: Well, I'd say it's rather innovative. I mean, how else would you propose draining the fluids from a body?
Jane: I don't! Because I'm having a Viking funeral. Korsak is gonna shoot a flaming arrow at my dead body on a boat. It's just... Fzzt... Rizzoli bonfire. Can't wait
Maura: [Giggling] That's not really how Norse funerals are done
Jane: Party pooper!

Detective: Hey, what is "Le Beau Truc"?
Dr. Maura Isles: Five-star French restaurant. Brilliant nouveau take on escargot.
Detective: [Talking about her outfit] Is this okay?
Dr. Maura Isles: Are you out of your mind?
Detective: What? I'm meeting Jesse Wade. He wants to do the interview there.
Dr. Maura Isles: At Le Beau Truc?
Detective: Yeah
Dr. Maura Isles: Le booty call.

Jane: [Looking at the victims photos] Well, they're all gorgeous, that's for sure
Nina: Think that's what got them killed?
Jane: [sighs] I don't know

Dr. Maura Isles: So, John Doe, 20s, he's in good health
Detective: Except for the ice-pick sticking out of his ear

Detective: [skeptically examining a sandwich] Is this from the good fridge, or the dead people fridge?
Dr. Maura Isles: Cold air is cold air.

Jane: Anything?
Kent: The tarry substance that made the smudges at the crime scene, that was from bleeding asphalt
Jane: Please tell me you have something more than that, because there is about 35,000 miles of road in Massachusetts
Kent: 35,590 to be precise. But who's counting. Yeah, I did found something else

[last lines]
Detective: [Maura is smiling at Jane after an awkward conversation with Lieutenant Grant] Oh, shut up.

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Get this: when he lost a squash match, he peed in his opponent's locker.
Maura: He urinated in it?
Jane: That is what "peed" means, yes.

[Maura was going to help Frankie with his anxiety over the detective's exam, but got called away on a case]
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: It's okay, I didn't want to be a detective anyway.
Dr. Maura Isles: Then why is he taking the exam?
Detective: That's sarcasm.
Dr. Maura Isles: Using irony to convey contempt?
Detective: Are you trying to drive me crazy?

Detective: [Maura has stopped talking to Jane] You'll make up.
Detective: Yeah, that's what they said about the Beatles.

Maura: Wikipedia is frequently incorrect. Very little of what they write is rigorously peer-reviewed.

Maura: I just feel so foolish. I allowed the flattery to cloud my reason
Jane: So, you're human, like the rest of us

Detective: Maura, what do you see?
Dr. Maura Isles: A reddish brown stain.
Detective: In other words, blood.
Dr. Maura Isles: No, the crime lab will determine what it is. She has no lacerations.
Detective: So maybe we got lucky and the killer was bleeding. Or smearing reddish brown stuff.

Detective: [Maura is examining a dead body] Is the same knife that killed Helen?
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, it appears that the apex of the incise wounds is indeed rough and uneven which would be consistent with what Helen suffered.
Detective: [to Rizzoli] Indeed is close to yes, right?
Detective: Yes adjacent.

Detective: Holy crap! You're not gonna cry on me.
Dr. Maura Isles: No, I'm trying not to. It's just that my amigdala and my lacrimal gland have a connection that I can't really control.

Jane: He is either the smartest criminal or the luckiest
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Or he didn't do it

[first lines]
Angela: [to drivers honking at Navy sailors] Oh, leave them alone! They're serving our country!

Dr. Maura Isles: Chickenpox?
Detective: No
Dr. Maura Isles: Chlamydia?
Detective: Really?
Dr. Maura Isles: I'll take that as a no. Deep vein Thrombosis?
Detective: No
Dr. Maura Isles: How about depression?
Detective: Only since you started asking me all these questions.
Dr. Maura Isles: Let me remind you that if you'd gone to your regular OB, we would not have to fill out new patient forms

Detective: The only witness to Nick's kidnap was a housewife who saw from her kitchen window
Barry: A housewife?
Detective: Are you going to tell me that ladies like to be called domestic engineers?
Barry: The ladies?
Detective: Stop busting my balls
[Frost laughs]

Jane: Ma, you look like a Russian nesting doll! What is up?

Maura: You love solving homicide;, you love your work.
Jane: Yeah, and I can't tell him that! I feel guilty. Besides the guy's been in town 10 hours, he's already washed my underwear. My thongs, Maura.
Maura: That's awkward.
Jane: Yeah, tell me about it. And he cleaned out my refrigerator.
Maura: Now, that I approve of. There're altenaria spores and maybe even rhizopus on your pastrami.

Kent: [back on the lake, on a motor boat] If Jane asks: you rowed!
Kent: You two have a unique relationship, don't you? I'm still trying to figure it out
Maura: Me too!

Maura: Do you have a dress in a drawer?
Jane: Maybe. Where's yours?
Maura: Evidence locker

Jane: Well, you can't do an autopsy, 'cause you're Frankie's friend
Maura: Right
Jane: And I can't watch the autposy, because I am Frankie's sister
Maura: That is, in theory, true!

Vince: [reading a threatening text] "You home wrecking asshole! I'll cut off your..." OOOH!
Jane: That's some colorful language
Nina: Definitely not medical advisable

Detective: [Warning Carlo to leave Maura alone] When Maura's father started causing problems, I *shot* him.

Dr. Maura Isles: [Lying under the car] I found it! BT, I found it!
Detective: [Walks in, seeing Maura roll from under the car] Morning. What time did you get in?
Dr. Maura Isles: [Whispers] I didn't go home
Detective: Any luck on the SD card?
Dr. Maura Isles: Eh, no
Detective: Any luck with BT?
Dr. Maura Isles: Ssh!
Detective: Sorry
B.T.: [walks in] Sorry, were you talking to me?

Vince: [after Kent made a strange remark] Do you get punched a lot?
Kent: [laughs] Not as much as you'd think

Jane: [Frankie sneaks up from behind and starts hugging her] What are you doing?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: The FBI called me for a background check
Jane: [Frankie lets go] ! was gonna tell you
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: It's okay, I understand. You wanted to wait until everything was final. But, you know, I realized that after you leave, I'm not gonna be able to come in here and hug you whenever I want
Jane: You never come in here and hug me whenever you want
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Till now
Jane: [Frankie starts hugging again] What? Oh God, No!

Jane: Are you sure we're talking about Ma? 'cause that is shockingly rational advice
Maura: What? Your mother can be very rational
Jane: We're talking about the same person who thinks she started the Led Zeppelin riot in 1975
Maura: [giggles] Well, we can't proof she didn't

Detective: Too bad it's not a crime to be stupid
Detective: Prisons would be full and streets would be empty
Detective: [laughs] Yeah

Dr. Maura Isles: You were right! This body is beautifully preserved!
Detective: I don't think I said beautiful, I'm pretty sure I compared it to beef jerky

[last lines]
Dr. Maura Isles: [trying beer for the first time] That's delicious!
Detective: Right? Wait 'til you try a spuckie.
Dr. Maura Isles: I don't know what that is, but it sounds really...

Maura: The thing is, no autopsy has been performed. And due to the backlog, there isn't one scheduled
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Uh, makes sense, big city
Jane: So is Boston
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Yeah, but they don't have Maura: the Backlog Killer!
Maura: Thank you!

Jane: [in a row boat, Jane is doing the rowing] Did you know that because of all the pollution the bass are changing sexes, with the male carrying the eggs?
Jane: [not very surprised] Well, it's about time!
Jane: You did not know that!
Maura: Yes, I did. I read it in a science journal. You?
Jane: Remember that book Skeet gave me? Interesting
Maura: Skeet?
Jane: The book!

Jane: [Arriving at the crime scene] Well, what do we got?
Detective: Not exactly the convivial greeting I was expecting.
Maura: Well, a very good morning to you, Sergeant Korsak
Jane: Yes, it is a good morning. Not so much for him.
Detective: Yeah, good point.

Dr. Maura Isles: The cute boy with the erection is being discharged from the hospital. He sent me these orchids.
Detective: Good. I wish him and his wang a speedy recovery.

Jane: Which means they knew the killer and didn't expect any danger from him or he was really quiet and snug up on them
Vince: Light-footed
Jane: Or he flew
Vince: You thinking a fairy?
Jane: They are the natural enemy of a biker
Maura: [Examining a victim] Well, I think you're spot on with your cause of death, Sergeant, but I'm not so sure I believe your Tinker Bell theory, Detective
Jane: Too small to carry the gun?
Maura: No, there's just no pixie dust on our crime scene

Jane: Okay, well, what is the wound consistent with?
Maura: Suicide by hanging
Jane: Really? So, she hung herself and then drove her body over to the body farm and then tucked herself in under some garbage? I don't think that happened

[Waitress brings a glass of wine for Jane and points to the gentleman on another table]
Dr. Maura Isles: Thank you
[Maura returns glass to waitress]
Detective: Come on! You know French women don't obsess for having an occasional glass of wine when they are pregnant
Dr. Maura Isles: French women don't shave their under arms!
Detective: Good point
Dr. Maura Isles: I will let him down easy.
[Whispering to the man]
Dr. Maura Isles: She's a lesbian, gay!
Detective: That's very open minded of him
Dr. Maura Isles: She is also in her first trimester, pregnant!
Detective: Shut up!
[Man looses interest]
Detective: Well played!

Jane: Well do you have that last page?
Maura: We certainly do thanks to Sergeant Korsak.
Vince: No, no, thanks to you, Dr. Isles.
Maura: Oh, please, Sergeant, I couldn't have done it without your help.
Jane: Okay, we'll throw you both a parade later. What does it say?

Jane: I got nothing
Vince: Then you're way ahead of me

Maura: [Jane just looked at her phone] What it is?
Jane: Oh, our only lead is a strip club in Chinatown. Nobody talks in strip clubs
Kent: So that means you're gonna have to go undercover as a stripper?
Maura: [Smiles] We've done worse
Jane: [sighs] I'll get my tassels

Maura: I'm not a collector, well, unless shoes count

Dr. Maura Isles: You know I think he has clinical lycanthropy, usually brought on by schizophrenia or a psychotic break
Detective: Do I need a tattoo on my forehead that says: "What does that mean, Maura?"
Dr. Maura Isles: Oh! I assumed you were just shocked into silence because his condition is so rare
Detective: No!

Vince: You see all the reporters at the front door?
Jane: Yeah. I saw them. They didn't see me though, I took the back entrance
Vince: "Wedding Bells Ring, Shooter Flees, BPD Fails"
Jane: Your poetry sucks
Vince: [Shows newspaper] It's the headline of one of those stories

Detective: Find anything?
Dr. Maura Isles: Cause of death: massive cerebral hemorrhage caused by an ice pick penetrating the brain
Detective: Yeah, I figured the ice pick had somewhat to do with it. I meant find anything that helps us know who he is

Dr. Maura Isles: You're running this morning! Come on
Detective: Uh, uh, your're too late, I already showered
Dr. Maura Isles: [Sniffs Jane] Last night or this morning?

[last lines]
Dr. Maura Isles: I think that's really... that's really sweet.
Detective: Oh. Oh gross. Okay, give me the wine.
Dr. Maura Isles: What?

Dr. Maura Isles: I'm fidgeting. Fidgeting... I never fidget
Detective: Welcome to the human race

Samantha Caspary: Where is detective Rizzoli? I thought she was coming with you here tonight?
Maura: Yes, she's just running a few minutes late. She had to shoot someone

Vince: [Leaving office to make an arrest, looking at Jane's injured foot] You're not going with us!
Jane: Yes I am!
Barry: What are you gonna do if he starts to run?
Jane: Hobble!

Maura: Is that vintage port?
Angela: Well, if vintage means, um, sitting on the shelf for a really long time?

Dr. Maura Isles: Downstairs only. I will poke you in your scar tissue if you even touch the up arrow.

Detective: So, no talking about work!
Dr. Maura Isles: Why? The body is endlessly fascinating
Detective: Yes it is, but less so the insides
Dr. Maura Isles: Fine, then what do I talk about when anything work related comes up?
Detective: Anything
Dr. Maura Isles: Oh, you say anything, but...
Detective: Okay, okay, talk about puppies
Dr. Maura Isles: Puppies?
Detective: Yeah, everybody loves puppies
Dr. Maura Isles: True, inflammation of the intestinal tracks of puppies...
Detective: The outside, Maura! Everybody loves the outsides of puppies!

Dr. Maura Isles: I just wish I knew what was causing that pain.
Detective: Again, I'm going with a 40 caliber bullet.

Angela: I'm taking a class, eh, at night, eh, a cooking class
Jane: Oh what kind of cooking?
Angela: French
Maura: My favorite, pot-au-feu, choucroute, steak frite
Angela: I know, I love it
Jane: You love it? You love French food?
Angela: Uhm hmm
Jane: What other kind of French food do you love?
Angela: Well, I like it all! French onion soup and French fries and French toast

Jane: [Opens a locker and sees a picture] You think that little girl is our victim?
Maura: Hm, possible, similar the bone structure.
Jane: Okay, well, we'll go on a limb here. The woman was her, so dangerous to make these wild leaps, is it her baby sitter?
Maura: You are not going to make me say that it is her mother.
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: [Giggles] I think she just did.

[first lines]
Brock: [instructing his yoga class] And heels down.

Detective: Maura, it's a weapon. It doesn't have to match your purse
Dr. Maura Isles: Jane, accessories always have to match

Barry: [to Frankie, while watching Charlotte] That may be a killer ass, but it's not the murder weapon

Bryce: [Someone brings a package] Is this the sample?
Maura: Yes
Bryce: Great. Thank you. That's gonna help a lot
Kent: What is it?
Maura: A lifetime's worth of favors

Jane: [Enters lab] How're you doing?
Maura: Well...
Kent: Careful! Dietary restrictions has her a little grumpy!
Maura: [Irritated] I am not grumpy! I'm simply focused
Jane: Why don't you just go home, Maura?
Maura: Because it's a work day and I have work to do

Jane: [Looking for a safe word] Walrus! I had a cat named Walrus
Vince: I thought you hated cats?
Jane: Walrus is why

Detective: I am so tired, my taste buds are asleep. What are we eating?
Dr. Maura Isles: A gluten-free almond cookie
Detective: Uh, so it is supposed to taste like cardboard

Kent: Look, I hope you don't mind if I say, but you look awful
Jane: Thanks
Kent: No, really! You look like... I mean, when was the last time you slept?
Jane: Yeah, I don't know, like a day or two
Kent: Maybe you should nap. NASA pilots who slept for 45 minutes increased their alertness by 54%
Jane: Is that a fact?
Kent: Yeah
Jane: [Starts walking away] Well, you can take that fact and shove it up your...

Barry: [At the crime scene] How'd you know that?
Maura: Well, I saw every episode
Barry: Me too. What'd you think of chef Holden's sous-vide duck?
Maura: Oh, that technique was controversial. You know, I've made the grilled watermelon with the charred beet and fennel
Barry: You're making me hungry
Jane: Can you two foodies stop salivating, please?

Jane: Wow, it looks like you're having fun
Dr. Maura Isles: Jane, it's a nightmare! Carla is out of control! And wrecked my room. And now they think I am this crazy party person!
Jane: You're not?

Maura: [reading] Beat her down and ink her. What does that mean?
Jane: You can read Latin, but you can't understand that?

Jane: [At the crime scene] We found another guy
Maura: I'll check on him
Jane: No. no, he's still alive, ambulance is on its way. He had the phone and... he had this
Maura: [Reads the card Jane handed her] Edward's the other guy?
Jane: Who's Edward?
Maura: My ex-husband

[last lines]
Detective: Well have fun in Washington.
[kisses Grant on the cheek]
Detective: And I'll miss you.
[gives him one more peck on the cheek, and exits into her building]

Maura: I have a hunch
Jane: Oh Maura, here we go. Maura, I told you never to hunch! You're not made for hunching

Technician: [Entering the CAT room in the hospital] I assume you are familiar with the machine?
Maura: Yes, I was on the advisory committee when they did the revisions for the exposure standards
Technician: I meant, you know, that you just lie down and hold your breath when I ask you to
Maura: Of course. That too

Dr. Maura Isles: [Jane has been walking back and forth outside Maura's office to see if she notices her footsteps] *What* are you doing?
Detective: How'd you know it was me?
Dr. Maura Isles: You were clomping.
Detective: You recognized my clomping?
Dr. Maura Isles: No. I heard clomping. I looked up. And I saw my best friend being weird.

Detective: There is no way in hell I am taking this off, all right? I'm already running twenty-six miles with a camel toe.

Dr. Maura Isles: [At the crime scene, victim on a bench with a newspaper] Body temperature's low. He's been sitting here for a while
Detective: That's today's paper. Was he reading the stock pages? He slit his own throat?

Jane: [Orders coffee] Ehm, large brew, no room, please
Maura: Four pump, no water, soy chai with cinnamon and nutmeg
Jane: [after the barista walked away] Was there even any coffee in that? Don't answer!

Dr. Maura Isles: Doesn't narrow it. He can be anywhere from mile 20 to mile 25.5
Detective: 25 point 5?
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, based on my calculations...
Detective: Please tell me later!

Detective: Damnit! I am late for dinner! My mom is gonna kill me.
Detective: You were firebombed, Jane. It's a good excuse.
Detective: You don't know my mother. Will you call her and tell her I'm on my way?

Dr. Hart: Do you ladies think, that you'll be back again soon?
Jane: When Malibu freezes over
Dr. Hart: Malibu received .3 inches of snow in 2007
Jane: It's not happening!

Jane: [Enters lab] DO YOU HAVE AN OFFICIAL CAUSE OF DEATH?
Maura: Why are you yelling?
Jane: BECAUSE YOU PUT FRUIT IN YOUR EARS
Maura: The orange peel is gone and my sinuses are cleared
Jane: CONGRATULATIONS! Really? Seriously? That crazyness worked?
Maura: Like a wonder drug

Tommy: [Just passed the plumber's apprenticeship exam] All I got to do now is 550 hours of plumbing theory, 1.700 hours of work credits, take the exam to be a journeyman plumber, 52 weeks after that I'll be a master plumber!
Maura: You can't legally fix my toilet for 3 years?
Tommy: Yeah, technically

Dr. Maura Isles: I didn't actually tell your mother. She somehow knew and then I confirmed it. I don't really even know how it happened. I am so sorry!
Detective: She use a Latin thing on you?
Dr. Maura Isles: Et non dico mendacium quaestiones
Detective: Yeah, that's it. And that she'd tell her about her psychic grandmother and then take your hand and say that she could tell if you were lying by running her fingers across your palm?
Dr. Maura Isles: But it felt so real and honest
Detective: Her grandmother died when she was 5
Dr. Maura Isles: I am such so an idiot!

Vince: What'd you find out about our family?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Oh, they're pretty impressive on paper
Vince: So are the Kardashians

Barry: Grooves on the slug indicates a silencer
Vince: Where did you learn that?
Barry: You! I pay attention

Maura: I keep hearing this phrase: "no worries".
Jane: What's wrong with it?
Maura: I can't pin down the meaning. Is it social pleasantry like "you're welcome"?
Jane: It's more like a blanket position, you know, like "no nukes". Agh, I'll tell you what I can't do? I can't live in a state where the flip-flop is the state shoe! And what's with the drumming? Everywhere! All I hear this drumming
Maura: Well, probably because of the drum circles

Dr. Maura Isles: [Maura speaks in Creole to the mother of the victim] Exorcisms are very powerful.
Detective: Is that what she said?
Dr. Maura Isles: No.
Detective: Is that what you said?
Dr. Maura Isles: No.
Detective: Maura.

Detective: Oh, that's why. All judges took off early for the holiday weekend
Dr. Maura Isles: Oh, I'd like to be a judge someday
Detective: I'd like to run off and join the circus

Jane: I've never seen you like this. You're swooning!
Maura: To swoon is to faint from emotion.
Jane: I know, but I don't have a word for singing in a sexy voice into your hairbrush.

Maura: [Examining the victim] The shrapnel density and gunpowder residue suggest it might have...
Vince: Stop!
Maura: How could you disagree with me, sergeant? I haven't...
Vince: Just stop! There's a half opossum and another crater over there. We're standing in a minefield. Just don't move!

Susie: [Maura has to turn in her clothes] I'm so sorry, Dr. Isles.
Maura: You're just doing your job, Susie.
Jane: We're gonna need your underwear too.
Maura: You know, I have processed hundreds of suspects, but I never truly understood how humiliating this is.

Susie: Dr. Isles? Your sister's upstairs.
Maura: My sister?
Susie: That's what she said.
Jane: You do have a sister, Maura.
Maura: Oh, right.

Maura: You look tired. Jane, are you sure you don't want to lie down, take a little powernap, maybe 20 minutes?
Jane: Uh, I don't have 20 minutes
Maura: I'm serious! Sleep deprivation could cause cognitive dysfunction, memory problems, even hallucinations
Jane: I'm fine. You should tell the octopus in the corner to stop waving at me
[Maura giggles]

Maura: The injuries are consistent with a non-biological, phallus-shaped object
Detective: [whispers] You mean a dildo?
Maura: Yes, I believe that is the popular term for it. But did you know a 28,000 stone phallus was recently found in a German cave? The Ice Age men were using it for knapping flints
Detective: Well, Ice Age women were using it for making sparks too!

Angela: [Drops Korsak's present for Kiki on the bar] Your gift stinks!
Vince: That's why you've been calling me?
Angela: Yes
Vince: Look, the the... this blender is battery powered
Angela: You gave your first wife sneakers for her wedding present
Vince: She played basketball
Angela: You gave a roof rake to your second wife?
Vince: She still uses it, on MY house
Angela: Exactly! That's why none of those marriages worked out! Vince, maybe it's time you leaned towards your more romantic side. And that's what makes it last
Vince: Kiki mentioned, when we were at the mall last week, that we needed a blender
Angela: I mentioned last week that I needed a mammogram. You want to make an appointment at the doctor for my birthday?

Jane: What do we have?
Vince: Gunfight, one dead
Jane: Witnesses?
Vince: Sure! Nobody's talking

Detective: [while reading a book] And there is no evidence yet of any extramarital philandering.
Jane: Give it to me!
Detective: But it's a gift from Kiki.
Jane: [Takes the book] And you can have it back when you're promoted to Lieutenant. Right now I need you to speak like a real cop.

Detective: [grumbling] I can't believe I let you talk me into wearing this. I don't think this thing's been washed since 1776.
Dr. Maura Isles: You're just not used to the linsey-woolsey fabric. I told you to wear the silk polonaise.
Detective: Oh yeah, the whale bones diggin' into my boobs woulda been much more comfortable.
Detective: The wig's kinda scratchy, but we totally blend in.
Detective: [looking around at all the white faces] Yeah. Totally.

Detective: Jesse Wade gave me his phone number. Maybe it's time to make a call.
Detective: [laughing softly] Yeah. A booty call.
Detective: Really?

Maura: [investigating the victim] Huh
Jane: What is it?
Maura: This blood pooling! Something's not right
Jane: What are you thinking?
Maura: I'm gonna have to investigate further
Vince: Surprise, surprise

Detective: Show me a beautiful woman, I'll show you a husband who's tired of sleeping with her.

Maura: [about Frankie's motorcycle] Did it cut out suddenly?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Yeah, how did you know?
Maura: Electrical. Unless, what kind of a sound did it make? Was it cough or a wheeze?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Like, eh,
[makes strange noises]
Maura: But did it also sputter? Like
[stranger noises]
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: No, it was more like
[even more stranger noises]
Maura: [Making all kinds of strange sounds to each other]
Jane: Hi! Hello! You two, please get a room! Preferable a sound proof one
Maura: Carburetor
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Oh
Maura: Get it over to my house, I'll help you fix it
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: That'd be great, thanks

[first lines]
Professor: [conducting a Revolutionary War reenactment] Forward! March! Halt! Make ready! Aim! Fire!

Jane: What you're doing?
Maura: Biting on a pencil
Jane: Yes, I can see that, but why?
Maura: It activates the muscles used for smiling
Jane: Well, those muscles are a little out of shape
Maura: I'm gonna ignore you in attempt to improve my mood
Jane: So, biting pencils work?
Maura: Well, holding your teeth in this position engages the zygomaticus major and risorius muscle
Jane: I can't understand you
Maura: Some studies show that you can trick your brain to thinking you're happy when moving certain muscles
Jane: Oh
Maura: It's petty, small minded. It should be enough that I saved someone's life

Jane: Hey, did you get the DNA back on that hair? Because I think that we've got our man upstairs
Maura: Well, I'm not so sure that you have your man, because the DNA says that your man is a woman

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Can you picture this place with only one Rizzoli in it?
Nina: You're all the Rizzoli I need

Vince: [after his last arrest] The chasing? Not gonna miss so much

Maura: [after an unclear answer] I can never tell when you are joking
Kent: I know!
[leaving Maura even more puzzled]

Dr. Maura Isles: Oh. How long have you been eating these?
[picks up Korsak's box of crackers]
Detective: Couple weeks. Part of my whole new health regime.
Dr. Maura Isles: [laughs] It's not a heart attack, Sergeant.
Detective: What?
Detective: [in unison with Frost] What?
Dr. Maura Isles: It's gas. And given the fiber content, I imagine quite a lot.
Detective: [laughs] He's been makin' enough to float the Hindenburg.

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Maybe it'll be zombies! That'd be cool
Vince: You're going undercover! You're not going on vacation

Detective: No. Stay away from Giovanni.
Dr. Maura Isles: No?
[pause]
Dr. Maura Isles: Oh, this is a dibs thing!
Detective: A dibs thing? Really? Okay. Tell me what you have in common with him. Alright. He's a blue-collar Boston-Italian auto mechanic.
Dr. Maura Isles: Well so are you! Well, except for being an auto mechanic, and we're best friends.
Detective: Yes, but I'm interesting. And you don't wanna sleep with me.
[Maura gives her a look]
Detective: Do you?
Dr. Maura Isles: No. No! But that's my point. That's all I wanna do with Giovanni!

Angela: [Wearing a hideous dress] How do I look?
Detective: Oh!
Dr. Maura Isles: Eh, well, that's a very challenging palette for you, Angela, but you seem to be pulling it off
Angela: Damn! Okay, how do I look worse?

Dr. Maura Isles: The murder weapon is a cylindrical, heavy, hard object.
Detective: [watching crime lab techs working on baseball bats across the hall] Gee, what could it be? Think it's a pipe?
Dr. Maura Isles: Pipe is too thin.
Detective: What about a majorette's baton?
Dr. Maura Isles: I'm glad that you find my scientific approach amusing.

Jane: [Noticing Korsak stares at her shirt] I know!
Vince: Well, it's so bright. I think my pupils are still adjusting
Jane: It's citrine
Frankie: You know, technically I think it's a jewel tone
Jane: You know, technically I think you're Ma's daughter!

Maura: [In autopsy] 5 centimeters at the apex
Jane: Pff, it looks like someone pulled her throat open with claws. What kind of murder weapon does that?
Maura: It snagged the carotid. Notice I said "snagged"
Jane: I noticed. Notice how much I would love to know what the murder weapon is
Maura: The carotid artery was pulled until it tore
Jane: I noticed you said "pulled"
Maura: I did. By a weapon with a curved end
Jane: Okay, we'll put an all points bulletin for Captain Hook
Maura: There is a beige, gummy substance in the wound
Jane: The lost boys gummy bears?
[Maura giggles]

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: I hope so, because if this is random, it'll be like looking for a needle in a haystack! What are you gonna tell Paul?
Detective: That we're knee deep in a very big haystack

Detective: I think we've found the body that goes to that ear.
Dr. Maura Isles: Well I'm not prepared to say conclusively until I've tested tissue samples.
Detective: Maura he's got one ear!

Sgt. Major Casey Jones: So how come we never finished what we started?
Detective: Because you didn't give me the time of day until Senior Week.
Sgt. Major Casey Jones: [laughs] I was a jerk.
Detective: Well, you were just too cool for me. And smart.
Sgt. Major Casey Jones: Truth? You were too scary for me.
Detective: Gee thanks.
Sgt. Major Casey Jones: I looked cool, but I was like twelve in boy years. You were a force even then. Smart, beautiful. Didn't care what anybody thought of you.

Detective: [after chasing down their killer] I told you to stay put.
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: No, you told me to stay in the car.
Detective: Nice move, little brother.

Katrin: [Opens her front door, Jane walks in] You can't walk into my place
Jane: I just did
Katrin: I have rights!
Jane: Call the cops!

Georgette: Is all this really necessary?
Jane: Pretty necessary when there's a murder.
Georgette: It wasn't a murder.
Vince: I'd say it's at least a *piece* of a murder.

Dr. Maura Isles: He introduced himself as Mr. Selsi. It's Isles, my adoptive name, spelled backward.
Detective: I know, you keep saying that.
Dr. Maura Isles: He was toying with me from the start, while he was staring at his murdered son.
Detective: Come on. He came to say a final goodbye to Colin, and he knew that you wanted a DNA sample, so he gave you some of his blood. That's a guy with balls!
Dr. Maura Isles: Come on, you're defending a stone cold killer.
Detective: No I'm n
[pause]
Detective: yes I am. Uh, and, I'm gonna stop now. Look, I think that whoever killed Colin knew that his murder would draw Patrick out.
[pause]
Detective: I mean, if it makes you feel better, these were all bad guys.

Barry: I always thought the greatest feeling in the world was putting away bad guys.
Jane: It's not?
Barry: No, the greatest feeling in the world is freeing an innocent man.

Nina: And I have got a bot searching FBI wiretaps looking for the names of local guys who might have done the hit. It's a long shot, but...
Detective: Well, I don't know what a "bot" is, but I appreciate the offer!

Maura: So, do you want the bad news or... the bad news?
Jane: Hmm, you pick

Jane: She could already be dead
Vince: How about: we work more, randomly theorize less?
Jane: Fair enough

[first lines]
Charles: [stroking her face] Hey Jane. Oh it's okay, baby. Wake up, baby.
[whispering and raising his scalpel]
Charles: Yeah. Oh, yeah.

John J. Murray: Satan is using homosexuals to destroy the Kingdom of God
Detective: [to Frost] Be on the lookout for a man wearing a red cape with a tail and pointy ears

Leroy: [In investigation] I don't like it in here! I'm only talking to the nice lady
Jane: [Whispers to Korsak] I got this
[Korsak stands up and leaves]
Jane: It's okay Leroy, I'm here. Why don't you just tell me what happened?
Leroy: Not you! You took my gun! The nice doctor lady!
[while leaving the room, Korsak smiles at Jane]

Jane: [Frankie is making coffee] Did you read the label?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: I know how to make coffee
Jane: Your last pot tasted like motor oil!
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: That was an anomaly! How was I to know those were espresso beans?
Jane: By reading the label!

Maura: You slept with Rafael?
Jane: We didn't sleep, Maura
Maura: Oh, nothing to be ashamed about. Rafael is very attractive, you're very attractive. Rafael wasn't your boss, was he?
Jane: Can you please stop calling him Rafael. And, no, he wasn't
Maura: Rafael is his name
Jane: In a harlequin romance. At work, here, it's Martinez
Maura: Okay, so other than in the biblical sense, how do you know Lieutenant Martinez?

Detective: Marino wants a cup of coffee, there's none upstairs. Guy's a wreck.
Dr. Maura Isles: I've tried everything. British strawberries, fennel, bok choy...
Detective: Are, are we in the same conversation?
Dr. Maura Isles: I'm sorry, I, I was talking about Bass.
Detective: Ahh, you're obsessing over your turtle again.
Dr. Maura Isles: Tortoise.

Maura: Taekwondo, archery, watercolor and next week I start the piccolo
Jane: Sounds like the worst summer camp ever
Maura: What? Do you have other suggestions?
Jane: Ice hockey. Yeah! Because we're short a player against Boston Fire next week
Maura: Oh, hockey would be beneficial to my balance and coordination. But isn't that the sport where people loose teeth?
Jane: Not if you're good at it
Maura: Well, you know what? You give me the right mouth guard and I'm in. I'll try anything once
Jane: Really? I gonna hold you to that. I mean, I don't know if you're gonna have fun, but I know I am

Detective: [angry at Warden Price] He called me hysterical.
Detective: I'm surprised his balls aren't in his throat.

[Jane and Maura are looking at another diorama of Susie]
Dr. Maura Isles: At least I am to scale
Jane: You are so, so not to scale! Look at those things at your chest!
Dr. Maura Isles: Those 'things' are perfect in both form and balance. Look at you, you are all legs!
Jane: Well, I am exactly to scale as Susie doesn't guess
Dr. Maura Isles: She does now!

Dr. Maura Isles: She showed addition signs of potential stress, including bruxism
Detective: I know what that is, because I ground my teeth for at least three hours last night

Jane: [Yawns] Hhh
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Starting the day off tired?
Jane: No
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: You're yawning because you skipped breakfast
Angela: You didn't eat breakfast?
Jane: No, I'm yawning because you're boring
Maura: You know, studies show that yawning actually increases boredom

Detective: I'm female.
Detective: Yes. Yes you are.
Detective: What's the fastest way to push this guy's buttons?
Detective: Let's mix it up. You be good cop. I'll be black cop.
Detective: [snorts] Bold choice.

Jane: [In the lab] What he weight? Around 250?
Maura: Close! 117.196 kilograms
[Jane frowns at her]
Maura: 258 pounds, 6 ounces
Jane: Thank you

Dr. Maura Isles: Why couldn't we dress up like call girls? They look so cute!

Dr. Maura Isles: The original chemist tested 38 materials inside the Sullivan home: dry wall, door cells, fabric, foam, plastic...
Detective: Are you gonna list all the materials he tested?
Dr. Maura Isles: Yes!
[Korsak looks puzzled]
Dr. Maura Isles: This is usually when Jane says: "Get to the point!" before she's overcome with an urge to strangle me with her bare hands
Detective: I miss her!

Maura: The crime lab found seminal fluid mixed with vaginal secretions in the victim's Tyveck suit. It appears to be a month old.
Jane: *In*? So our victim had sex about a month ago and then wore his disposable Tyveck suit again?
Maura: Yes, and they also found vaginal secretions on the spear.
Jane: Okay, that qualifies as the grossest trace evidence ever!

Maura: [Showing Jane her undercover dress] This is completely appropriate
Detective: Uhm. No, It's perfect, but were exactly am I going to hide the camera and the wire?
[Maura frowns]
Detective: I know! In my thong!
Maura: Oh, well, maybe you can wear a brief
Detective: No!

Jane: [On the phone] Spontaneous combusting and I am missing it?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Maura said it's technically not a real thing, but this could be the one time she's wrong, right!
Jane: It's the first time Maura is wrong and I am missing it?

Lieutenant: Okay, I'll fill in the commissioner and the governor
Vince: You think you can convince a bunch of politicians to do the right thing?
Lieutenant: I'm gonna try

Dr. Maura Isles: [Looking at a Stanley knife] Wow, these are all very sophisticated tools. I don't miss my lab at all
Detective: Is that sarcasm?
Dr. Maura Isles: I think so

Maura: It's a subtle smell, but I can smell it.
Jane: You could smell a fart in New Hampshire, Maura.

Kent: [Lifts melon above his head] Now this is the amount of force that'd be required to sustain the victim's injuries
Jane: [after Kent smashed the melon] Fruit-homicide
Kent: Fruiticide

Detective: What! No heels?
Dr. Maura Isles: Cramps! Long story, but don't tell Jane!

Detective: [Talking about Maura's mom visiting] If your mom is in the guesthouse, where are you staying?
Angela: With you, of course.
Detective: Fine, but just you know I don't serve coq au vin. I serve... cocoa puffs.

[last lines]
Newspaper headline: Woman Killed After Attacking Two Police Officers
Charles: [reading the paper] Here we are again, Jane.

Jane: [walks in] I'm starving!
Maura: Good Morning. What are you looking for?
Jane: A piece of bread or a muffin. In your world: a croissant
Maura: Carbs
Jane: Yes!
Maura: Empty calories

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: [Looking at victim related pictures] The older one is the sister, that's the wife. God, how do I do this?
Barry: You just got to do it!
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Maybe I'll stay in the drug unit.
Barry: If I can look at dead bodies, you can do this!

Sister: Your wretched lyrics with tail shaking and behind flapping, violent metaphors and images! And you know something, Mister? Children are dying because of you!
Lamar: Shakin' booty never killed nobody.
Sister: Anybody!

Jane: Hey, uhm, can I have the honey walnut shrimp?
Vince: [Hands over box] Eh yeah
Jane: Thanks. There's no shrimp!
Vince: There's a lot of honey, a lot of walnuts

Maura: I was just about to make some espresso.
Dr. Hope Martin: Ah, La Pavoni. Oh, I had one once. La Pavoni was found in Milan in 1905.
Maura: By Desiderio Pavani, uh, in a little workshop on Via Parini.
Dr. Hope Martin: Uh, El Salvador Miravalle and I also smell Brasil, Fazenda Cachoeira?
Maura: That's amazing!
Dr. Hope Martin: Where do you think you came from? Cailin puts goofy syrup in hers. No idea where she came from.
Maura: [Giggles] Well, she's nineteen. You know, I hate to admit it, but I was addicted to corn syrup at that age.

Jane: [Picking up Maura from fencing] Do you have something to change into?
Maura: [Wearing fencing clothes] Well, what's wrong with this? I've worn sporty outfit to the crime scene before
Jane: It's a full body thong! Modern day chastity belt? Where you're gone put that?
[Hands over Maura's phone]
Jane: I don't want to know!

Maura: He was helping me with an uncomfortable sensation
Jane: We're on speaker, Maura
Commander: It's all right. If you're talking about coffeepot-gate and your brother playing twister with the medical examiner, everybody knows
Maura: I had pruritis!
Jane: Yes, that's Dr. Isles way of saying she had an itch

Dr. Maura Isles: [sighs] This is not CSI: Boston, Jane, okay. It's a very delicate process, and it's not always successful.

Vince: Texting for booty? Technology is killing romance.
Barry: Well if you learn how to text, you might have a little more luck with your booty calls.

Dr. Maura Isles: A dead person isn't gonna be any less dead if I wait for just a little bit

Jane: [Just shot someone with a taser] I have never used one of these things before, this is great! I mean: is he all right?
Vince: [Giggles] Yeah, he's all right

Maura: He was struck at least twice. Whatever instrument was used, left an odd pattern in the wound
Jane: Leroy had enough odd crap in his house to keep Craigslist in business for the next two thousand years. Can you narrow it down?
Maura: Hmm, it's interesting. Symmetrical linked hexagons, like a honeycomb
Jane: It would be the first time anybody died from being bashed in the head with a beehive
Maura: It's not a beehive
Jane: I'm putting my money on an electric toothbrush... or... maybe... the knitting machine

Jane: [Picks up her phone] Hey Frost, what's up?
Barry: Got something, although bear paws might take the rest of his life pulling it up
Maura: You know, some research indicates that a wide hand with stubby fingers correlate with high intelligence
Vince: See that, smart ass?

Jorge: You're like a race car. Finely tuned. Beautiful.
[whispering, leaning in for a kiss]
Jorge: Fast.
Detective: Not that fast.

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: They stayed at the same hotel, on the same night. What are the odds of that?
Vince: Pretty damn good if they were having an affair

[first lines]
Television: Thanks, Bill. Now let's take a look at traffic around the Boston area today. It's a light day because of the holiday. And even if you're heading to Logan Airport, the traffic is flowing even through the Williams Tunnel. If you're lucky enough to have the day off, it is one gorgeous day in Boston...

Dr. Maura Isles: I'm going to the gym and even though you're rude, you're coming with me
Detective: No, thank you. I am too tired to work out
Dr. Maura Isles: Then let's go to the Dirty Robber, I'll even have a beer with you
Detective: No, I am working out on my couch: five stages of junk food

Jane: Enough already... you'll only be gone for three days
Dr. Maura Isles: You're pregnant! Your vitamining for two. Do we need to revisit the pictures of the iron deficiencied spleen?
Jane: I am so excited for your medical examiners convention! Is there anything I can do that will help you get out of the door?
Dr. Maura Isles: Take your pyridoxine!
[Hands box of pills to Jane]
Jane: Is that the one that looks like Fred Flintstone or Barney Rubble?

Detective: Was she dead before she was tossed?
Dr. Maura Isles: That would be guessing
Detective: I won't tell

Barista: Green tea with honey and a redeye, three extra shots
Maura: Thank you. You're drinking four shots of espresso?
Jane: Yeah, 'cause these stupid cups don't hold five

Jane: I need to know what was in the syringe that killed her, Maura
Maura: And I can't tell you. You know how this works
Jane: How is it that we can put a Rover on Mars, but the damn crime lab can't find the toxin unless we tell them what to look for
Maura: NASA lost control of that Rover. And science is hard, you know, they can't test for everything. I need to narrow it down

Maura: We tested it and found high levels of radioactivity iodine present
Jane: Okay
Maura: An analysis revealed radio-isotope I-29, which is a byproduct of nuclear fission and has no medical purpose like I-123, I-124, I-131...
Jane: Maura!

Detective: How did you rip your pants?
Detective: Oh man! These are new!
Detective: Yeah, new in 1995

Dr. Maura Isles: [Jane has to hit a dummy as hard as possible] Ready Susie?
Susie: Norm is ready, Detective Rizzoli
Detective: Norm?
Susie: He's my uncle
Detective: My apologies Norm
Susie: Well, he... left my aunt for a barista
Detective: Screw Norm!

Detective: What about the weapon? Can you determine it's the same for both murders?
Dr. Maura Isles: You know I can't answer that question now, sergeant!
Detective: We know, but it never gets old asking!

Jane: How are you liking working with the living, by the way?
Maura: You know, it's incredible! I assisted with a cesarean
Jane: Just couldn't resists cutting something open, huh?

Linda: Everyone owns a crossbow.

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: I just... I failed my shooting test! Again!
Detective: You know what? You keep screwing around, you're gonna regret it!
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: That's the thing. I really tried this time. It's Alexandra, she was standing so close to me I couldn't focus. All I could think about was coming up with the perfect line to ask her out
Detective: How about: "the only thing I love more than a woman in uniform is a woman out of uniform". That's always a winner

Dr. Maura Isles: [softly, to the dead girl] Help me find Mandy. What am I not seeing that I need to see?
[whispering]
Dr. Maura Isles: Sweet girl. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

Jane: Where did the wife's family get all her money?
Vince: Her family invented clothespin
Jane: You're messing with me
Vince: What? You think these things invented themselves?

Maura: And I don't excel at doing nothing
Jane: This is true

Dr. Maura Isles: You know, you couldn't be happier if I told you that I magically turned all the lettuce in the world into beer
Detective: Make it happen, we'll find out

Jane: She was about to get tenure and he wasn't.
Maura: Well, that will put a strain on a marriage of academics. Sayre's law: politics of a university are so tense because the stakes are so low.

Dr. Maura Isles: Take off your shirt.
Detective: Now I know you've suffered a head injury.
Dr. Maura Isles: To bind the wound.

Angela: [Maura enters] Hi, how are you?
Maura: I was up late last night
Jane: Wait, don't tell me! You attended a lecture on the lifespan of parasites in open wounds

Detective: Maura. You're staring at Chuck's biceps. Stop it.
Dr. Maura Isles: I am! Females are wired to be attracted to the strongest, most dominant male. It's natural selection at work.
Detective: You're making me uncomfortable. Stop.
Dr. Maura Isles: What? I'm just appreciating his sternocleidomastoid.
[to the cop lifting weights]
Dr. Maura Isles: Excuse me. You have beautifully developed musculature.
[to Jane]
Dr. Maura Isles: What, am I embarrassing you?
Detective: Oh no, not at all. Why don't you tell him he's got a nice ass, too.
Dr. Maura Isles: [to the weight-lifting cop] And a wonderfully proportioned gluteus maximus.
Detective: [shaking her head] I am never working out with you again.

Vince: [Looking at the pile of money in the store] It's a gold rush
Jane: It's a... green rush. And with that much green, there's always gonna be someone willing to steal it

Jane: Rizzoli!
Jane: Yes sir
Lieutenant: In my office, now!
Jane: [Whispers to Maura] Is it too late to call in sick?

Detective: Looks like Westcourt's car was at the hotel the night of the murder
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, that's a good alibi right?
Detective: For his car!

Jane: [Seeing Maura has been beaten in the face] Attention all inmates! Whoever did this to my friend's face, will have to look over her shoulder for the rest of her life! And if it happens again, it will be a very, very short life!

Detective: You don't think it's icky that my boss is sleeping with my mother?
Dr. Maura Isles: No, but I can see why you do. You're never old enough to hear the details of your mother's sex life

Maura: He's smart and he's funny, and he may actually be a grownup.
Jane: [excited] Seriously?
Maura: And when I look at him, I picture us having sex, if you get my drift.
Jane: It'd be impossible not to.

Barry: It's Gia Lemond.
Jane: What? The famous pop singer?
Maura: She can't be that famous. I've never heard of her.
[Frost and Jane share a look]

Maura: [Looking at the victim] He is very talented! I mean, this laceration on his cheek is a work of art. He even discolored the subcutaneous tissue to account for maggot infestation
Jane: Yay?
Maura: Well, we have to admire how real it looks. I mean, this takes dedication
Jane: There's a world record for the number of snail on a person's face. That takes dedication too, but it doesn't mean I have to admire it
Maura: How many snails was it?
Jane: That's not the point, Maura! 43

Detective: [to Maura as she answers the door in the middle of the night] Why do you always look like you're about to do a photoshoot?

Detective: Even you would look bad if a bullet had gone through you.

Jane: [Answers a question Jane asked him a couple of minutes ago] Five
Jane: Sorry?
Agent: I've been shot five times
Jane: You've been shot five times?
Agent: Five times. How about you?
Jane: I've only been shot twice
Agent: What? Twice is good, twice is sexy
Jane: No, one doesn't really count, 'cause I shot myself... I... I shot myself on purpose
Agent: What?
Jane: Yeah, well, it's... it's a long story

Dr. Byron Sluckey: Are we questioning my opinion?
Dr. Maura Isles: Well there could be another component. The mind is powerful. She had a trauma.
Dr. Byron Sluckey: Um, you're merely a pathologist, and she had expert care from a renowned trauma surgeon.
Dr. Maura Isles: Are you talking about yourself in the third person?
Dr. Byron Sluckey: Are we angry?
Dr. Maura Isles: We are. Thank you, for reminding me why I don't date surgeons.

Vince: If this storm doesn't let up soon, I'm buying a bigger boat

Detective: [Jane drops evidence on Vince's desk] New paperweight? Thanks!

Vince: Every time I think about working drugs with him, I think about Linda and his son.
Barry: Doesn't he have a daughter too?
Vince: They're not close. He wasn't married to the mother.

Vince: [about the case] Something tells me this is gonna be a weird one

Detective: [Drinks a cup of coffee] God, when was that made? November?

Detective: Maura, what is Frankie's face doing?
Dr. Maura Isles: Movement of the outer orbicularis oculi pars lateralis. He's happy!
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: [laughing] What?
Detective: [slowly] I'm being hunted by a serial killer, and my little brother's occipital spatula is orbiting.

Maura: No break in the fibula or tibia.
Jane: So, I'm fine.
Maura: [Seeing Suzie walk in] Oh look! Senior criminalist Chang went to the store and bought you a new shoe.
Susie: Size 9, right?
Jane: No! No way!
Maura: Yes! Yes way! Suzie, can you please hold down detective Rizzoi, so I can put the protective boot on her?
Susie: [very reluctant] Eh, Oh... Okay.
Jane: Give me that! I will do it myself.
[Grabs the shoe and starts putting it on]
Jane: No! It hurts, it hurts, it hurts!
Maura: All right, distract yourself.
Jane: Okay. Um, you think the army reads all the email that I send Casey?
Maura: Well, of course. The defensive advance research project agency has algorithms that analyze everything.
Jane: Well, that's just wrong.
Maura: Why? What kind of emails are you writing?
Jane: Mushy stuff.
Maura: Well, I think the government is looking for traitors and terrorists, not to make fun of you or your mushy emails to your boyfriend.
Jane: He's not my boyfriend; he's my long distance lover.
Maura: Six thousand five hundred miles, that's... that's a lot of distance.

Maura: From an academic perspective, Dr. Carlson is a highly respected forensic anthropologist
Jane: From people's perspective, he's a dick!

Vince: Maybe we should discuss this down at the station. There are fewer distractions
Katrin: And maybe you should talk to my ass!

Detective: [Eating dry toast] Yummy, this tastes just like a ham and cheese omelet! Without the ham, the cheese and the omelet!

Detective: [Showing his latest computer program] It's an encryption scanner used for network enumeration, It's pretty cutting edge. But our software was able to crack its binary and source codes
Vince: Let me guess. We now know where Jimmy Hoffa is buried?

Detective: You need to amp up the fun
Dr. Maura Isles: Yeah, like great music could do that
Detective: Yeah, get a jukebox
Detective: Got a jukebox in the back. It's busted though. I'm gonna get it fixed.It's got every tune ever done by Tiffany on it
Detective: That explains why it's busted

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Do you know how many private security agencies work for the NSA?
Detective: About two thousand
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: I bet you don't know this: there are half a million non-government workers without top secret security clearance
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Do you know how many government agencies there are conducting intelligence activities?
Detective: Sixteen
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: We got the: CIA, DIA. NSA, NGA, NRO, Afisra, Inscom, MCIA, ONI, OICI, INR, CGI, FBI, DEA, ONSI, INR and TFI
Detective: That is very impressive. Now breathe!

Detective: I applied to BCU.
Dr. Maura Isles: It's very hard to get into.
Detective: I got in.
Dr. Maura Isles: Why didn't you go?
Detective: Wanted to be a cop.
Dr. Maura Isles: What's the real reason?
Detective: My father would have spent everything to send me there. I couldn't do that to him.

Maura: [Hope wants to hug her] No! I... I don't really liked to be hugged when I'm very upset. Got to get these sheath dresses off the floor before they wrinkle.

Constance: I sense that, um, there's something you'd like to say to me.
Detective: Yeah, there is. I don't like seeing my best friend hurt.
Constance: You think I hurt her?
Detective: Not staying with her? Canceling dinner? Forgetting to put her on the list of your installation. Yeah, I think that hurts her.
Constance: She's the Chief Medical Examiner. She has her own life. You're both out there working an important case. It's all over the news. I didn't want to be in her way. She must know how proud I am of her. How much I love her.
Detective: Not really the signals you're sending.

Vince: Anarchist's wife came by.
Jane: Which anarchist? Robot Rebellion?
Vince: No, Diamonds are Forever.
Jane: Ah, how is she?
Vince: Came to thank us. Says her husband is going to make her those earrings after all.
Jane: Our work here is done.
[Korsak laughs]

Barry: [Breaking into a computer] Why does everybody always use their birthdates? Here it is

Angela: So this is a cause for celebration.
Jane: Why, 'cause we solved the case, but we didn't get the credit?
Angela: No, because you didn't get fired, and Maura's pretty sure she's not dating a serial killer!

Tommy: [Pays surprise visit] And I needed to see some Rizzoli's faces besides the one in the mirror

Maura: The impalement appears to be the only injury. You know, she may have fallen, but I can't be sure until...
Jane: Until you perform the autopsy
Maura: Very funny! But true

Vince: I've said it a hundred times: sociopaths always underestimate the resilience of the werewolf.

Nina: Is there anything we can do to help?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: I don't know. Got a time machine? Go back in time and urge my mother to rethink her choice of husband

Dr. Maura Isles: It's an encrypted link to the deep web
Vince: I don't even want to know what that is

Detective: You spoke to Frankie?
Detective: He's still goin' through all twelve dumpsters with every division detective we could spring loose.
Detective: Then why aren't you there? Oh, I know. Ooh, I hate eyeball fluid. Ooh, I'm afraid a' garbage.
Detective: Why aren't you there? I know. Might mess up that nice sport coat from 1989.

Detective: Maura, we all love the fact that you dress like you're about to strut down a Paris runway. It's, it's... interesting.
Detective: It's endearing.
Detective: Sexy.
[Maura, Jane and Frost stare at him]

Vince: Division detectives didn't know what to make of it.
Maura: It's the entire right fossa triangularis and the scapha!
Jane: You hear that, Korsak? It's a whole fossil triangle in a scaffold.

Jane: [Picking up her phone] Hey, Forst! What do you got?
Barry: [Showing a car] Sweet ride! You never see this color. It's called Beluga black.
Jane: I meant the victim!
Barry: Oh! Uh, sorry.

Maura: [sighs] Well, thanks to you I don't have a change of clothes in my car. It's getting detailed
Jane: How many times do you want me to apologize? Here, you can borrow these
[hands over yellow boots, Maua refuses]
Jane: Fine, ruin your $200 Zamboni's
Maura: Zanotti's! These are Guisseppe Zanotti's, they're $550
Jane: 550 bucks? Hope they gave you the rest of the cow. You know, for that they should give you the whole herd!

Angela: History is for old people.

Dr. Maura Isles: You're guessing
Detective: I'm making a conclusion based on years of experience and training

[last lines]
Dr. Maura Isles: Would a check be okay, or would you feel safer with cash?
Detective: Cash. Cash is good.
Dr. Maura Isles: Fine.

Maura: [Reading a file] Jane, Joey Williams didn't die of kidney failure
Jane: You sure?
Maura: Well, I'd prefer to do an autopsy
Jane: I prefer to be in Hawaii!

Maura: [watching arson clip on her laptop] This is terrible! Oh my god, Jane
Jane: Don't panic
Maura: Too late! I need to see it again
Jane: Wait no, too much screen time is bad for you! Take a break, go cut open a body

Detective: Hmm. Hello! Tall, shiny and handsome
Dr. Maura Isles: And he doesn't leave the toilet seat up. Jane Rizolli, I would like you to meet Bio-Orbitron MS-8000
Detective: This thing costs more than I make in a year, don't it?
Dr. Maura Isles: Costs more than everyone makes in a year

Dr. Maura Isles: [urgent whispering] I have to pee!
Detective: You better be telling the truth.
Dr. Maura Isles: All mammals have to pee.

Detective: Oh my AC sucks! It was so hot last night, I didn't get any sleep. You have central air-condition, right?
Dr. Maura Isles: Yes, but I don't use it
Detective: Why? Trying to make me feel bad?
Dr. Maura Isles: Because I sleep in the nude
Detective: Note to self: no follow-up questions!

Detective: How many times has he called?
Dr. Maura Isles: By my count: a lot; 27 to be exact.
Detective: If he hasn't already sent a governors-aid over here to shut you down, he will do so, very soon. So you're almost done?
Dr. Maura Isles: Eh, yes, I am moving as fast as I can, while still following protocol. I have ruled out seizures due to heart attack, epilepsy, stroke, meningitis, encephalitis or toxoplasmosis. There is one other possibility.
Detective: And instead testing for that you are buying a gold fish?
Dr. Maura Isles: No I'm setting up a variation of the pyrogallol test.

Maura: It is so reckless to guess.
Jane: You're in jail! Ask the guards, they're not gonna add more time for guessing.

[Jane and Angela are playing gin, Maura walks in]
Dr. Maura Isles: How are you feeling today?
Detective: Good, I have beaten my mother 30 consecutive times, so I am pretty good!
Angela: Yeah, she cheating, I just don't know how!

Maura: What kind of cake would you have?
Jane: For what?
Maura: The wedding.
Jane: Who am I marrying?
Maura: I'm going to have a hazelnut almond, chocolate ganache, and maybe mocha butter cream.
Jane: Maura, you don't even have a boyfriend!
Maura: I'm not getting married. I just think it's fun to play fantasy wedding. Don't you?
Jane: If you're five.

Maura: There is a recent study that shows that the ability to recognize a voice diminishes with time. Almost 70% less in two weeks.
Jane: Well, then we should find whoever did this quickly. Please, no dawdling doctor.
Maura: I don't know the meaning of that word. Well, of course I know the meaning of the word, I just meant that...
Jane: I got it! Yeah.

Detective: Jason Sullivan? Sergeant detective Korsak, Boston homicide
Jason: Oh my God! Something happened to my wife? My son?
Detective: No, no, no, they're fine! I am sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you

Angela: I didn't think you talked to anyone like that but me.
Detective: Is that Mom-speak for Thank you?

Detective: Is it still cool in your world?
Dr. Maura Isles: Yes, and crowded! I can barely start a Rokitansky without 50 sweaty people watching over me
Detective: Well, they're so much better up close
Dr. Maura Isles: You think so?
Detective: Maybe, if if I knew what a Rokifransky was

Detective: Is this why you called me down here?
Dr. Maura Isles: No, I called you because you were right
Detective: Of course I was! About what?

Detective: Detective Frost. I have a Navy Admiral here to see you.
Detective: I got this, Sergeant Detective.
[pause]
Detective: Dad. What are you doing here?
Admiral: I'm here for the immediate release of Petty Officer Salerno.
Detective: Yeah, nice to see you, too.

Detective: Really? Statistics now?
Dr. Maura Isles: There's comfort in numbers

Vince: A PI-address and a log is more than we had
Nina: IP-address
Vince: What did I say?
Nina: PI-address
Vince: That'd comes as no surprise to you that I often don't know what you're talking about!
[Nina smiles]

Detective: I'm not a hero, Maura. Shooting yourself is not heroic.
Dr. Maura Isles: The people of Boston think it is.
Detective: Eight people died. I don't want a medal for that.
Dr. Maura Isles: Five of them were bad guys, Jane.
Detective: [softly] Whatever.

Giovanni: You look hot. You smell hot, too.
Dr. Maura Isles: [laughs softly] Thank you.
Giovanni: I love talking to you. I could talk to you all night. But right now, babe, all I wanna do is get you naked and lick your face.
Dr. Maura Isles: [taken aback] Lick my face.
Giovanni: Come to daddy.

Nina: Detective Rizolli! Great to have you back at work!
Detective: Oh! I am not back at work.
Nina: You look fantastic anyway!
Detective: Thank you, Nina
[Nina leaves]
Dr. Maura Isles: You look... not... like... you... at all!
Detective: Yeah, what's the vibe you getting like? Stuffy? Uptight? Professional?
Dr. Maura Isles: Wait a minute, that's... that's my suit? What do you mean: stuffy? And that's my blouse!
Detective: Well, I didn't think you would mind, I have never seen you wear this outfit
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, that's because it isn't an outfit! That blouse is evening wear, that suit is for work, which is why the skirt is knee length or at least it's supposed to be! Okay Jane, what's really going on here?
Detective: What do you mean?
Dr. Maura Isles: Why are you dressed like a flight attendant?
Detective: First of all, I am dressed like a librarian! I am wearing glasses on a chain, for God's sake! Have you ever checked out a book?
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, have you ever been on a plane? Because that scarf you are wearing screams: "In the event of a water landing, your seat cushion can also be used as a floatation device"
[Jane takes the scarf off]
Detective: Is that better?
Dr. Maura Isles: Much
Detective: Good! I've got to be 100% librarian if I'm going to pull this off
[Jane runs away]
Detective: To pull what off? What just happened?

Detective: Late is a million times better than never

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: [sighs] I'll get on it, right after I cancel the plans I had for the rest of my life

Maura: I'm done. I'm done, and actually, I'm a little insulted.
Jane: What'd I do?
Maura: That girl rejected my kidney!
Jane: The nerve!
Maura: I know, right? It's a very nice kidney.
Jane: I'm sure it is. You should keep it. In *your* body.

[first lines]
Jane: [making a basket against Frankie] Oh! Finally!
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: You're still down by ten.
Jane: I will beat you someday.

Detective: Explain to me again why I am not on my couch eating nachos?
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, this case has me thinking: there is merry in planning for unforeseen circumstances
Detective: Can't plan for unforeseen circumstances, hence the term unforeseen!
Dr. Maura Isles: I am talking about preparation, not psychic interventions! Of course you can't know what the future holds
Detective: True. Cause I thought my future holds nachos, cheese and jalapenos, for example.

Nina: So the water bottle that blew up had traces of glycerin and potassium permang...
Maura: Permanganate
Nina: I'm just going to type that one in
Maura: It's an oxidizing agent used in water treatment. The glycerin is sugar alcohol with uses from food sweetener to antifreeze. Innocent enough apart, but together, highly combust

[first lines]
Angela: [upon seeing a dress Jane is trying on] Oh! That's beautiful.
Detective: [laughing] Yeah, if you're a farmer's wife. Ma, come on, my birthday was last month, it's fine.

Dr. Maura Isles: Jane
Detective: Yeah?
Dr. Maura Isles: If you want to talk about your brother or just avoid the subject, I'm here
Detective: I know

Vince: You guys have a nickname yet?
Nina: Goodbye, Vince!
Vince: Ninkie? Frina? Holizoli?
Nina: [Chuckles] Hmm
Vince: Rizziday!
Nina: Ah. There it is
Vince: Ah Rizziday! Have a nice Rizziday

Dr. Maura Isles: Maybe we can sit down and have a cup of coffee? Real coffee. I can make us all some breakfast.
Detective: I'll take the coffee
[and pours the coffee in some sort container]
Dr. Maura Isles: Oh, eh...
Detective: Thanks; See you later
[walks away]
Angela: Wasn't that your vase?
Dr. Maura Isles: Yup

Vince: [Walking into the lab] Let's hope Maura found something
Jane: Please tell me you found some DNA and I'll give you a hundred bucks
Maura: I did!
Jane: Oh! Well, I'm not giving you a hundred bucks, but I'm really glad
Vince: No take backs!

Vince: You're a good man and a fine detective
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Thank you
Vince: So maybe it's time to just stop
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Stop what?
Vince: Stop being Frankie junior! You're not a kid anymore
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Well, I have always been Frankie junior
Vince: Doesn't mean you always have to be, Frank?

Maura: Maybe it would help if you lean into the discomfort
Jane: In the same way you lean into your stilettos?
Maura: Yes, except for the leaning you're about to do, doesn't make your butt look great
Jane: It doesn't make anything look great

Jane: [Seeing a large arsenal in front of Maura] Wow! Okay, if I scramble all these, how long do you think it would take you to put them back together?
Maura: Well, I wouldn't bother, because the ones without evidentiary value are destine for the crusher

Angela: Do you know what this announcement is all about?
Maura: It's Jane's news
Angela: Just tell me! I'll act all surprised

Jane: I'm just saying that Kent Drake is not the name of a real person!
Maura: I have seen his file and his picture. We had a videoconference interview
Jane: Tall? Dark? Handsome? Suit, slightly too large for his body? Because his superhero suiut is underneath it
Maura: He is not a superhero, he is a military-school graduate
Jane: Superhero
Maura: Glasgow Medical School. Just finished a tour to Afghanistan
Jane: Marvel Superhero!
Maura: Well, is that a good thing or a bad thing?
Jane: If you have to ask...

Detective: You didn't think I had the right to know?
Detective: I think I have the right to my privacy!
Detective: When did you become so secretive?
Detective: When did you become so nosy?
Detective: Have you *met* my mother?

Jane: [about her dream] Do you think it meant something?
Maura: The science behind dreams isn't well established
Jane: Maura, I just want you opinion, it doesn't have to be peer-reviewed!

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: I know Tommy likes Lydia.
Jane: What? He tell you that?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Didn't have to. She likes him too. That's why they act like seventh graders when they're around each other.
Jane: Are you sure that's not a brain problem?
Angela: Jane!
Jane: What?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: What if we got the two of them together, I mean in the same place?
Jane: So what, we're the parent trap now?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Oh, that's a great idea!

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Who has to tell the Senator?
Detective: That's above our pay grade

Detective: Let me guess, all the partygoers ran out when he called 911?
Detective: Like the wind
Detective: Kitchen staff?
Detective: What's faster than the wind?
Detective: Kitchen staff with visa problems?
[Korsak gives a thumbs up]

Dr. Maura Isles: Well, privacy is an illusion, Susie
Susie: What do you mean?
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, your telephone and internet records are all in file with the NSA
Susie: Are... are you sure?
Dr. Maura Isles: Mine too! Well, satellites, drones, security cameras, license plate cameras, fast past lanes. Yes, privacy is a thing of the past

Jane: [Whispers to Maura] Does he look a little too real to you?
[to audience]
Jane: Excuse us, for a second please
Maura: He looks real, because he is real

Dr. Maura Isles: You are deceptively complex. I do not understand you.
Detective: Well, you would if I was a dead body.
Dr. Maura Isles: Do you think so?

Detective: Uh, Makes me want to give up on going to malls
Dr. Maura Isles: You don't go to malls
Detective: Mission accomplished

Dr. Maura Isles: [hands Jane an invitation] I want you to be my guest
Detective: Won't I embarrass you?
Dr. Maura Isles: Probably. But haven't I embarrassed you?
Detective: No... more than half a dozen times.
[reads the invitation]
Detective: "Cocktail dress requir..." Can't I just go like this?
Dr. Maura Isles: If you're going to embarrass me, at least do it in the proper clothes!

Maura: I'm gonna add that to your checklist
Jane: Okay. I have a checklist?
Maura: Yes! I started a little relocation journal for you

Angela: So, how is it going, with you and Jane living under the same roof?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Not bad! We're all actually getting along pretty good. It's nice having her around
Angela: [skeptical] Is that right?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Eh, yeah
Angela: Hmm, okay, alright
[walks away]
Nina: You told me, you guys drive each other crazy! Why don't you tell her the truth?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Well, because then she'd go to Jane and start nosing around and then Jane will want to know why I was complaining to Ma. The whole thing is like a viscous circle
Nina: So, what's the real problem with you and Jane?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: One bathroom, two adults
Nina: Why don't you tell your mom that?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: The minute I tell her, it becomes a big deal. Besides Jane has a meeting with a condo board today. If that goes well, she'll be out of my place real soon and I have avoided a family crises. Win-win
Angela: [walks back in] You're sure you don't want to tell me anything?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: [playing innocent] Me? No! Why?
Nina: [looking guilty] I've got nothing
Angela: Hmm, all right
[and walks away]
Nina: She knows we're lying
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: She always knows

Detective: Hey, did you get my text?
Dr. Maura Isles: You said you were coming down
Detective: Yeah, and then I said: "scratch that, I need you to come upstairs and talk to Teen Wolf"
Dr. Maura Isles: Oh
[picks up her phone and starts reading]
Detective: Well, after that it's just variations of "where the hell are you?"
Dr. Maura Isles: These emoticons don't deserve to be used in such disturbing ways
Detective: Gets the point across, doesn't it?

Vince: Job takes a toll!
Jane: But I wouldn't change a thing. I love being a cop
Vince: Find a job you love, you never work a day in your life
Jane: And they pay us!
Vince: Can you believe it?

Jane: So, where were you this afternoon?
Maura: [Inhales deeply] At the hospital
Jane: And what'd you find out?
Maura: What makes you think I had to find out anything?
Jane: Because when you have something important to say, you always exhale a lot louder than when you don't. I always thought it was a relaxation technique
Maura: Do I really do that?
[Jane sighs deeply to show Maura]
Maura: Oh, I do that!
Jane: You also have the tendency to change the subject when asked a lot of question when it's really bad news
Maura: Everybody does that, don't they?
Jane: Like that
Maura: [Inhales deeply] I have some internal bleeding to my temporal lobe from the fall and it's caused cognitive impairment

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: [Angela is looking for a new place to live] Last place no good?
Angela: Huh, I'm pretty sure half the units there are rented out by the hour

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: See anything on the lock?
Vince: Scratches on the tumbler. It's been picked
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Ah, that doesn't sound very high tech for government spooks
Vince: Google glasses still won't let you pass through walls

Jack: You were great!
Dr. Maura Isles: You think so? I thought I completely botched the section on the importance of statistics in DNA matching.
Jack: That has nothing to do with teaching, people don't understand statistics.

[last lines]
Detective: You want a peanut? They're really good.
Constance: Thank you.
Detective: [joking] Have someone come by and shell them for you.

Barry: [Looking at the car getting pulled out of the water] This is so cool
Vince: Wouldn't it be great if there were a couple of lobster in there?

Carlo: [the family cousin who's made a living by scamming people and just tried to do the same to Maura] See you at Christmas.
Detective: Don't threaten me.

Vince: Well, we better start digging
Frankie: We only have 41 hours left
Vince: Dig fast!

Angela: Janie, I love you, but you are so nosey!
Maura: Hmm, true!
[Jane frowns to Maura]
Maura: Sorry, I was thinking out loud
Jane: Not helping!

Professor: I was merely attempting to move this artillery piece out of your way! Commanding Officer General Ezekiel Parker of the Sixteenth Brigade.
Detective: [shaking his hand] I'm Martha Washington. Let me see your driver's license.

Jane: [On a stakeout] You know, you're not supposed to use your personal car for work?
Vince: It's new and I like it and would you rather be sitting in a police car?
Jane: Nope.

Dr. Maura Isles: It's a shame that they penetrated his temporal lobe. That would have been an excellent brain to study.
Detective: Yeah. Bummer.

Jane: [Doing paperwork] Yes! Done! Every follow-up report. What's my price?
Barry: 2 days off to hang with your boyfriend.
Jane: Hm, first days I have taken in a year. BPD owes me a 116.
Vince: That's nothing, they owe me 243.
Barry: Why are you two competing over who takes the fewest vacation days?
Jane: Because we're studs.
Barry: So what do you and Casey have planned?
Jane: Well, he only has 72 hours off, so "nothing".

Maura: [about to break in] Where did you get that card?
Jane: I borrowed it!
Maura: This is making me very itchy!
Jane: I'll get you some Benadryl! All right, come on!

Dr. Maura Isles: Our medical miracle is here to thank us. Come on.
Detective: Ugh. I'm keeping my distance. I'm afraid of that erection.

Vince: Maybe he is really a zombie
Jane: Well, then we would have no case, because you can't kill a zombie. They're already dead

Susie: It's hot, I won't poke the bear! Metaphorical speaking
Detective: Thank you, Maura jr.

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: [Reading through pile of old files] This isn't too bad
Detective: No, shouldn't take us more than a couple of years

Detective: Did you play sports?
Dr. Maura Isles: [proudly] Ballet. And fencing.
Detective: Those aren't sports.
Dr. Maura Isles: Yes they are! What did you play?
Detective: Field Hockey. I was an Attacker.
Dr. Maura Isles: I'm sure you were very aggressive.
Detective: [confused then amused] Attacker is a position.
[smiling]

Jane: Yeah, what it his story?
Angela: He is very bright. He, eh, dropped out to pursue his passion for farming
Jane: In Boston? What's he farm?
Angela: [Starts running away] Hydroponic marihuana, mostly. Gotta go

Dr. Maura Isles: Did you know that all United States currency is printed on the cotton-linen blend paper made by Crane&Co, which they have been supplying since 1879?
Detective: Yes. You know what else is a fun fact? Something that helps me catch the killer!

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Zombie profiling! It's a real think
Jane: You look disgusting
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Thank you

Susie: Dr. Isles is the first president elect in the field of forensic pathology
Detective: Yes, and the first whose patients are all dead

Jane: Now, I've been the crappy best man ever
Vince: There have been three before you, and you, Jane Rizzoli, are by far... the best... looking
[they both chuckle]

Detective: Do you make this stuff up because you know we can't check it?
Maura: Yes.
[pause]
Maura: No. I'm not that fanciful.

Jane: [Maura is working on the computer when it beeps] Is that a good beep or a bad beep?

Maura: Nice job getting your hand on this, Kent
Kent: Huh, my pleasure. Although, my mate at the V.A. was rather curious why the coroner's office required a medical grade 3D-scanner. I just told him that we're fitting a corpse for a pair of prosthetic legs
Maura: [Both giggle] Well, then I hope you told them what we're really doing?
Kent: What? And dispel my carefully crafted air of mystique and whimsy? Dr. Isles, I thought you knew me better than that

Vince: Hey, are you free tomorrow night?
Jane: Yes! Anything to get me out of Frankie's apartment
Vince: Are you at each other's throats?
Jane: Yes, he's just like, you know "Don't drink my beer", "Put your pizza box away". He is bossier than Ma
Vince: Well, it is his apartment
Jane: Oh, that's nice! Take his side! What's tomorrow night?
Vince: You want to meet Kiki?
Jane: Well, it's about time

[Maura grabs the coffee from Jane]
Detective: I will kill you
Dr. Maura Isles: Caffeine is bad
Detective: Death worse!
[Maura starts drinking Jane's coffee]
Dr. Maura Isles: Hmm, this is good! Did you use Sulawesi?
Detective: I hate you

Dr. Maura Isles: [Talking to hairbrush] Five sigma is fun, but forensics solves crimes. Ah. Five sigma is fun, but forensics solves crimes! Chin up.
Detective: [Walks in] I cannot believe what my mother... what you're doing?
Dr. Maura Isles: [starts brushing, while hiding notes] 89, 90, 91... just ehm, I am doing my usual 100 brushes a day! What does it look like I am doing?
Detective: It looks like you're singing into your hairbrush practicing for your summer camp talent show.
Dr. Maura Isles: It's absurd! The camps I went to never had talent shows!
Detective: What's that
[picks up notes]
Detective: ? Thrombotic... thrombocytopenic. These are the worst lyrics ever!

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Did you find gram's earrings?
Angela: I did and I forgot what terrible taste your great-grandmother had

Maura: The algorithms for facial recognition fall into two catagories: geometric, which focuses on features, and photometric
Kent: So, how long does this program usually take to find a match?
Maura: A few minutes. A few days. Forever!

Dr. Maura Isles: You are looking for something with a sharp tip, although the wound is not precise laterally
Detective: So a knife with a pointing tip and dull sides
Dr. Maura Isles: I did not say a knife
Detective: We are looking for, eh, an SPT
[Frost & Korsak look puzzled]
Detective: A sharp pointy thing
Dr. Maura Isles: I am comfortable with that, yes

Vince: A curious mind is a wondrous thing

Dr. Maura Isles: Jane, I was a weird kid
Detective: Were you killing small animals?
Dr. Maura Isles: [laughs] No, but I did dissect a lot of frogs
Detective: No, that's different

Kiki: [Angela starts pouring coffee] Oh, yes please! To go, if you don't mind. I have an appointment with my hairdresser and the last time I was late, she punished me with bangs

Detective: The murder is near Franklin Park
Giovanni: You got a murder in the Franklin Park Zoo?
Detective: Why? You have family there?

Mo: Your ride needs work.
Jane: It's my mother's.
Mo: Damn, momma's got some gangsta.

Jane: [enters lab with a cup] Hey, I... I heard you're half-caff caramel macchiato man
Kent: You didn't spit in it, did you?
Jane: Do I look like someone who would be that immature... please, don't answer that!

[first lines]
Race: What a perfect day for the Massachusetts Marathon. Now, we've got our own race correspondent ready to tell us all about this twenty-six point two mile race. Tom? What's the mood down there?

Jane: [Typing at Maura's computer] Strawbridge, strawberry.
Maura: Are you doing what I think you're doing?
Jane: How did you know I'm looking at porn? No, wait, I logged in as you, so Dr. Isles is looking for porn.
Maura: What? Move over!

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: And silphium is a plant
Detective: What a stupid thing to name a hotel after
Dr. Maura Isles: It's a sex plant
Detective: Better, but still...

Angela: All right, what's going on? I need to know
Jane: Ehm, I'm gonna be an instructor at the FBI
Maura: The FBI!
Angela: The FBI?
Jane: Yeah!
Angela: In Washington DC?
Jane: Yes! I'm leaving the force. I thought that you would be thrilled
Maura: I mean, I just never considered that you being safe would mean moving 500 miles away
Maura: 343... nautical... miles. It's seven hours and seven minutes via route 15.
Angela: Well, that's still really far for a cup of coffee

Dr. Maura Isles: Wauw! Wauw! That is... wauw! You see what I mean?
Detective: I am still grasping. What do the bubbles mean?
Dr. Maura Isles: Eh, well first of in a kinetic and spectro electronic chemistry...
Detective: No!
Dr. Maura Isles: Ehm, the mechanism of redox reaction...
Detective: No squared!
Dr. Maura Isles: The release of gas bubbles indicate that there was air in Chelsea's heart.

Detective: This whole thing's been a setup from start to finish. I don't get all this texting and U-ing and I'ming.
Detective: IMing.
Detective: Whatever. But I'll tell you one thing. That kid was stalked. Whoever took her knew everything about her right down to her best friend's handle.
Detective: Screen name.
Detective: Okay, will you stop correcting me? And think? About what it means?

Detective: And then she wanted to massage my feet
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, that's very nice!
Detective: Yes, when I was three! Now it's a little weird

Jane: Convulsions. So if it was a seizure, are we looking at natural causes?
Maura: Ah, convulsions are a neurological response to many stimuli: physiological, pharmacological, idiopathic
Jane: So, maybe?

Dr. Maura Isles: Very intriguing culture.
Detective: Descendants from the Portuguese explorers and slaves from the Cape Verdean Islands.
Dr. Maura Isles: I'm impressed!
Detective: I can Google, too. And that Father Coku, or whatever, is a phony. Did you check out that poncho he was wearing?
Dr. Maura Isles: A grand boubou.
Detective: I said I know.
Dr. Maura Isles: Oh you knew? What that robe was called?
Detective: A boubou?
Dr. Maura Isles: Well it's popular with the Christians in West Africa. Though the Swahili and East Africans and Bantu speakers in Central Africa also...
Detective: Like their boubous?

Detective: How can you be this big animal lover and eat their flesh?
Detective: I'm a complicated man.

Detective: Seems like a pretty big mistake in an otherwise buttoned-up crime
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: If criminals didn't make mistakes, we'd never catch them
Detective: True

Detective: [Referring to the murder victim who is dressed up like a super hero] Maybe Batman slipped when he tried to fly in and save his mistress in distress.
Detective: [Very serious] Batman didn't fly.
Detective: Well, he... leapt great distances in a... bat-like and heroic manner.
Detective: Yes, but that's not flying. Not like Superman.

Dr. Maura Isles: Perfect enamel layer. No deterioration of the abutting gingiva
Detective: English!
Dr. Maura Isles: She's a flosser

Detective: Well, maybe we don't need to be so hasty
Detective: Why shouldn't we?
Detective: I've been over this guy's case files and one thing is very clear: he hates women! Last time I looked: you're a woman!
Detective: It's easy to see how you made detective!

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: [During a house search] Even so, how does a kid with no job, who's cut off from his family afford all this?
Vince: [Opens a door] He was an entrepreneur
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Why'd you say that?
Vince: [Walks into a lab] The meth lab gave it away

Jane: [At the crime scene] What is a patient doing in here? And frankly, where the hell is here?

Barry: No such thing as No Drip Helmet Pads
Vince: How can that be: our dead Jane Doe worked for a company that doesn't exists?

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: According to Wikipedia, the jury is still out
Maura: There is not enough time in the day to keep that site honest

Angela: Frankie needs a wife.
Detective: Why? He has you!

Angela: I hope the undead are good tippers!

Detective: How sure are you about this?
Dr. Maura Isles: On a scale of one to Alpha Centauri?
Detective: If you have to
Dr. Maura Isles: About a block from Alpha Centauri
Detective: That is very sure

Detective: I called her doctor, he wouldn't talk to me! Did you have better luck?
Dr. Maura Isles: The threat of an official visit from a medical examiner works every time
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: [giggles] Yeah, who wants you sitting in their waiting room, right?
Detective: [Korsak and Maura frown at Frankie]
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: No! Not... you... it's, it's office...
Dr. Maura Isles: Sorry, I get it, I get it!

Dr. Maura Isles: There's the lake.
Detective: Nothing gets past you.

Detective: Oh my God. You're flirting over a dead body.
Dr. Maura Isles: When else am I going to do it?

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Jane doesn't like the ocean
Detective: Well, that's not why, but I'll add it to the list
Nina: I like the ocean, but don't get me started on lakes
Detective: Why? Lakes are great!
Nina: There's no current. Have you ever seen what settles on the bottom?
Detective: Great! Now you've ruined lakes

Maura: [Reminiscing old cases] How many more of these experiences are we gonna have?
Jane: [Phones ring] Well, unless this is my mother demanding more cheese curls on Korsak's retirement party, I'd say: at least one more
[Picks up her phone]
Jane: Rizzoli
Maura: [Picks up her phone] Isles

Tommy: Listen, since we're all hugging here, can I hug Maura too?
Maura: You bet
Jane: Hands where I can see them!

Jane: That's what all this is about, you buying all this stuff. It's about Hope, isn't it?
Maura: I don't know what you're talking about.
Jane: Oh yes you do. Whenever you get into a crisis, you get into a first name basis with the UPS man.

Maura: The burial was 9 days ago. Our radar team got an anomalous reading. It looks like the corpse has two heads
Vince: I wonder if that's how Frankie put it in the warrant

Dr. Maura Isles: [next to the victim] Researchers at the University of Pittsburgh have proven that optimistic people live longer
Detective: So, she was a pessimist?

Jane: Okay, I'll make a deal with you: I'll go to this spa whatever it's called, if you go to a Patriots game with me
Maura: [laughs] That hardly seems like a fair trade-off
Jane: I know, but I'm willing to suffer through a massage, because I am a giver

Maura: [Investigating the victim] Pink froth around her lips and nose.
Jane: You have a tell when your head is not in the game.
Maura: I don't know what you mean.
Jane: Pink froth? Not cytoplastics, hematoma, liquidity at a cellular level?
Maura: No!

Detective: He doesn't have a job and has two Lexuses
[Maura frowns]
Detective: or two Lexi

Nina: Is this stool taken?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Why? You want to throw it at me?

Dr. Maura Isles: Susie, we have a new case. Danni Mitchell, she's a 25 year old woman who was found dead in her apartment
Susie: Either I am being punk'd or you're losing it!
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, I never punk and I can assure you I am in full control of my faculties.
Susie: And I can assure you that Danni Mitchell is a case we started last week
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, we're gonna start this case again this week

Vince: What do we know about our victim, phony colorectal doctor?
Barry: Well, we know he was a real asshole.

Jane: [Maura is picking a lock] Just when I thought I'd seen everything
Maura: Figured out how to do it when I was nine. My parents didn't want me watching TV, so they locked it up

Detective: Why are you doing the autopsy on a Sunday? Did they cancel all the kundalini-pulao-riku-yoga classes?
Dr. Maura Isles: Kundalini is sacred energy work, pulao is a savory rice dish and I'm pretty sure that you made up that last word

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: How about you? You still... okay with everything?
Nina: By "everything" I assume you mean our spontaneous decision to change our lives forever?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Yeah, that
Nina: I feel more than okay. I feel great!

Detective: [catching up] What, are you going to tell me I filled out nicely?
Lt. Joey Grant: And risk charges? Maybe...

Jane: So,
[he]
Jane: killed him?
Maura: I can't say that
Jane: Did you ever play clue? Two people in the room, one person's dead, the other person's covered in blood. Who's the murderer?
Maura: Well, I think it's the person that left his fingerprints on the murder weapon

Detective: [Maura's phone rings, she doesn't react, Jane looks at it] Ooh, oh, A.I.! Artificial Intelligence. You're getting a call from the future.
Dr. Maura Isles: It's actually from the past. It's my father, Arthur

Jane: [while inspecting the apartment of a possible suspect] What'd you say if we tear this place apart?
Vince: I thought you'd never ask!

Barry: I did mock trial. Always wanted to be the bad guy, but they made me the prosecutor
Maura: That's very impressive
[everyone wonders]
Maura: it's highly competitive
[everyone gazes]
Maura: I never made the team
Jane: That's not possible
Maura: The advisor said that I was wordy
Jane: [Cynical] You?

Detective: Hey, you know, maybe ghosts are real! Maybe I could pick the winning lottery numbers today. Maybe I am losing my mind
Dr. Maura Isles: I could do a brain scan tonight if you like
Detective: [cynical] Thank you, that's... that's very helpful

Dr. Maura Isles: Oh my god! Is that what you call a breakfast?
Detective: No, not without coffee
Dr. Maura Isles: May I please see the package. Do you know what is in here?
Detective: Yummy goodness?
Dr. Maura Isles: Calcium carbonate! Does that sound yummy? It comes from rocks! Oh, sodium stearate. That's used in soap! And do you know where you can find titanium dioxide?
Dr. Maura Isles: Right there?
Susie: Latex paint
Dr. Maura Isles: Do industrial chemicals sound like a good to be putting in your body?
Detective: Not anymore

Detective: Hey.
[offering Maura a bar of chocolate]
Detective: Got 24-carot gold flakes in it.
Dr. Maura Isles: Are you making fun of me?

Frankie: [Phone rings] Rizzoli... What?... Alright, I'm there
[hangs up]
Frankie: Sorry Ma, I got to go. Work
Angela: Yeah, of course it's work. My kids always work!

Nina: I entered a sweepstakes and won a trip to Antigua
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Wait! You actually won a sweepstakes?
Nina: Can you believe it? I mean, well, technically I did enter 5,762 of them, using a program I created, we won!

Jane: Okay, well you said that keeping your farther's secret is the reason that you break out in hives when you tell a lie, right?
Maura: It's a working hypothesis
Jane: Okay, so let's test it out. Lie to me!
Maura: What?
Jane: Yeah. Say something. Anything! But make it big, so it counts. And then we'll see if you break out in hives
Maura: Jane...
Jane: LIE TO ME!
Maura: [hesitates] I really like your new jacket. Fringe has always been one of my favorite
Jane: [Gasps] Ooh! Are you itchy?
Maura: Not yet
Jane: [mobile buzzes, reads text] Okay, I got to go. But, this is good! Keep lying alright?
[starts walking away]
Jane: Keep it up. Maybe it's a breakthrough or something. Oh, hey, that whole fringe jacket thing? I'm not keeping it. I was just messing with you
Maura: [to herself] Jane, I love it when you play pranks on me
[and looks for the hives on her arm]

Dr. Maura Isles: Did the old lady kill her?
Detective: Uhm, that's doubtful
Dr. Maura Isles: Doubtful! So, she might?
Detective: No
Dr. Maura Isles: Then why did you say: doubtful?
Detective: I wanted you to know what uncertainty felt like

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: [Showing the keys of the handcuffs with which the wife was tied to the bed] Look what CSRU found when EMTs moved them
Detective: Where was it?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Between the mattress and the bed frame
Detective: Why put it there?
Nina: So it doesn't get lost during the festivities
[seeing Frankie and Korsak wonder]
Nina: or so I hear

Kent: [Found a duck, brought it to the lab] I think I'm thinking of calling her Mary, as in Mary Stuart
Maura: As in: Mary, Queen of Scots?
Kent: She deserves a royal name, don't you think? Such a regal creature
Maura: Well, except Mary Stuart was executed by her cousin, Queen Elizabeth. So, maybe she should have the name of a queen that wasn't beheaded
Kent: Well, I'm not gonna call her Elizabeth. No English Queen is a queen to me!

Jane: There's a lot of blood
Maura: The victim sustained severe cranial trauma, resulting in massive hemorrhaging
Jane: That's another way to put it

Detective: Did you ever like the same guy as your best friend?
Dr. Maura Isles: No.
Detective: Did you ever have a best friend?
Dr. Maura Isles: No.
Detective: You'd tell me if you were a cyborg, right?
Dr. Maura Isles: [thinking] No, I don't think I would.

Jane: [enters the lab] You rang?
Maura: Yes. There's something very interesting about the big fish that was found in Mark's live well when he died
[picks up a dissection plate]
Jane: Is that the fish that kept swimming toward me? The cute one?
Maura: Yes!
Jane: You killed him! 'cause you were jealous!
Maura: Well, he was sick. That's why he kept swimming around repetitively and banging into the glass
Jane: Sick of love!
Maura: Uh! Well, I cured him!

Detective: Ohh. Doctor Maura Isles. Knuckle deep in germy bar snacks, I'm shocked.
Dr. Maura Isles: Oh, I had representative samples tested. Bacteria count fell within acceptable limits. Want one?
Detective: Must be very complicated to be you.
Dr. Maura Isles: You have no idea.

Detective: What about DNA substance from the sexual assault?
Maura: No semen, but I did collect some deerskin fibers.
Detective: So we're looking for Bambi.

Dr. Maura Isles: Y'know, female commissioned officers are addressed as Ma'am. It's a sign of respect.
Detective: Sir is a sign of respect. Ma'am is for fat old cat ladies.
Angela: Are you talking about me?
Detective: [annoyed] Do you have a cat?
Angela: [pause] No.

Detective: The murder weapon has a rectangular edge on it
Maura: I can't confirm that!
Detective: Hey, Frost, we're looking for a 2-by-4
[Frost picks up one with a blood stain]
Detective: Frost we're looking for an idiot
Detective: Is that your way of saying you want to talk to the husband?
Detective: What does that say about relationships that the husband or boyfriend are our first suspect?
Detective: You're getting ready for an "I hate man"-speech?
Detective: I like man! Just not the ones that kill

Dr. Maura Isles: [about the fact that one of Jane's legs might be longer than the other] You should get that looked at.
Detective: I don't want to get it looked at.
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, it could cause damage to your back over time. Simple enough to lengthen the other leg.
Detective: I don't need to be taller, Maura. Men are already afraid of me enough as it is.
Dr. Maura Isles: And you think it's because you're tall?

[first lines]
unnamed: What are you doin'?
Detective: [munching an apple] Caught me. I was eatin' into the profits.

Detective: Is she alive?
Detective: Yup
Dr. Maura Isles: Then I'll take a look at the actual victim

Detective: Really?
Maura: That bad?
Detective: I thought you said you couldn't lie?
Maura: What do you mean? I can't!
Detective: You did!
Maura: Only one time when I said I'd finished my homework and I hadn't and I immediately went vasovagal... fainted
Detective: Jorge is in medicine...?
Maura: Technically, yes, he is
Detective: What's his specialty? Lactation?

Jane: [to Kent as he is staring to Maura] Okay, do you always stare at her like that? 'Cause that's just creepy!
Kent: I could stare to you instead, if you like

Dr. Maura Isles: [walks into her kitchen] Great news!
Detective: You're getting a dishwasher with only one button! Yay! No, okay, uhm
[presses buttons]
Detective: top and bottom rack, regular soil, air...
Dr. Maura Isles: Don't air
Detective: But it has the little energy saving symbol next to it
Dr. Maura Isles: I know, but it takes like 9 hours to finish and the sound of the fan drives me crazy
Detective: Energy waster on
[and closes the dishwasher]
Detective: Uh, it takes less time to wash them by hand

Detective: You okay?
Dr. Maura Isles: It's very distracting to work in a wrinkled dress.

Dr. Maura Isles: Come on, Jane. Maybe we should stop the race.
Detective: Maura, we stop this race, we send a message to thousands of people that we give in to fear. We don't give in to fear!
Dr. Maura Isles: Okay, I understand, I... If we do, then we just end up dying a little bit every day.
[pause]
Dr. Maura Isles: Which, metabolically speaking, we do anyway.
Detective: Maura! Really?

Detective: Well, just because it is a professional killer, doesn't mean it's a professional hit. Ned wasn't even supposed to be here
Detective: Professional killer, random target?
Detective: Don't day the R-word! It's bad for morale!

Detective: We don't give into fear!
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, I understand it. If we do, then we just end up dying a little bit every day, which metabolically speaking, we do anyway
Detective: Maura! Really?

Detective: [to Maura] You got her to do yoga?
Detective: [sarcastically] No, it was my idea. I love yoga.
Maura: We had to leave before Ardha Chandrasana. I feel very unbalanced.

Jane: Takes a big man not to go to another man's office and punch him in the face
Vince: It had to be done. I don't think that dog would hurt a fly
Jane: How much time did you get?
Vince: Another 24 hours
Jane: Well, that's like 7 days in dog years!
Vince: [laughs] I hope it's enough

Dr. Victoria Nolan: [Petting the dogs] You're not married?
Vince: No. Three wives, not one of them ever looked at me the way my dogs do. They think I'm the greatest man who ever lived

Detective: Okay, whoever said that you feel great after a workout never went for a run in the middle of a heat wave
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, perspiration evaporates from the skin, it extracts the heat by vaporization in order to change into a gaseous state, resulting in a cooling effect
Detective: So, I need to run faster and sweat more to cool off?

Detective: [Maura gets something out of the victim's body] What's that?
Dr. Maura Isles: Crime lab confirmed the presence of candle wax
Detective: What?
Dr. Maura Isles: Hold your questions. These dark particles, those are burned feathers
Detective: Okay, let me guess: he was smothered with a burning down pillow while he drank candle wax
Dr. Maura Isles: No!

Jane: Maura, that's your second cup of coffee!
Maura: Third! I was up late last night
Angela: Working or dating?
Maura: Working, on a poem, for my writing class
Jane: [skeptical] Hmm, that sounds like fun
Maura: Well, it isn't. I'm really struggling with this assignment
Jane: Well, just keep it simple. You know: "There once was a man from Nantucket..."

Detective: So our victims were either transported from the 90s. OR they work for Hilary Clinton. Or our killer is a scrunchie freak.

Derek: Yeah, everybody thinks of us as "snail mail", but we sort 30,000 pieces of mail an hour and deliver 209 million pieces of mail to 150,000 different addresses a year. You guys know of any snails that can do that?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Can't say I do

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: How's it going?
Detective: Hey. This case is going down faster than the Titanic!

Detective: [Maura explains something in the lab, Kent suddenly pops up] Jeez, what the hell?
Kent: Puffer fish actually tastes quite delicious
Detective: What you're doing?
Kent: I was looking for my pen. A little tense, are we?
Detective: A little weird, are we?
Kent: It actually just tastes like chicken. Any more questions?
Detective: So many
Kent: Alright, fine, I'll be getting back to my work then
[leaves the lab]
Detective: I mean, I don't want to paint the netire country with one brush, but that Scottish guy? Weird!
Dr. Maura Isles: That's unimportant
Detective: Okay

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Guess what we just found at Walter Park's house
Jane: Not Walter Park?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Nope

Susie: I can't say
Jane: Well, take a guess
Susie: I am a scientist
Jane: So is Maura! She does it
Susie: I am not Dr. Isles
Jane: I know that, but she's not here, so throw out a theory, stretch your wings, grow, stick out and shine
Susie: That's a mixed metaphor!
Jane: Okay, see, there you go, that's very Maura

Maura: [Worries about her medical condition] Science and medicine aren't just parts of my job, they're parts of who I am. So, I don't know who I would be without them

Maura: [Walks in, to Korsak] That's a very tidy desk, Sergeant
Jane: I hate it!
Maura: But you're leaving too
Jane: Yeah, but look at my desk
Jane: [notices Frost's robot] I'm so sick of goodbyes! Will you please distract me with science?

Jane: Well, everything seems to be in order. What made him stop?
Detective: Maybe he met someone. Could be a sexually liaison gone awry?
Jane: Do you think so, Mr. Holmes?
Detective: Kiki suggested that I expand my vocabulary and not use cop talk all the time.

Jane: C'mon. Do the autopsy, okay? It'll make you feel better.

Dr. Maura Isles: A lot of women work as strippers to get them through college. Which is not so strange considering to the cost of higher education
Detective: Maura!
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, I am not advocating their life style, although I do envy anyone who do work where 5-inch heels are required
Detective: Maura, Focus!
Dr. Maura Isles: Right, yes.

Jane: Wow, you cook too! Where did get the eggs and all the vegetables?
Colonel: Farmer's Market.
Jane: Really? You're like a 17th-century wife.
Colonel: [laughs] Is that good or bad?
Jane: Oh, well, fantastic! I've always wanted a wife.
Colonel: What do you want to do today? Watch me churn butter or beat the dust from the rugs?

Jane: You're incredible.
Maura: You'd do the same for one of your brothers.
Jane: Maybe, but they'd have to be really, really nice. I'd definitely do it for you, though.

Dr. Maura Isles: When's the last time we had two stranglings in one day?
Detective: Well, cheer up. Maybe tomorrow'll be stabbing day.

Jane: What's going on here?
[reads tag on equipment]
Jane: Maximum depth 180 feet? What are you, James Cameron? Maura, At least he's certified.
Maura: I haven't had time to take the course.
Jane: So you'll do that before or after
[plays with hiking shoes]
Jane: your outback lady walk?

Mo: You check her book?
Barry: We didn't find one.
Mo: She had a book. I mean this whole damn world's gone crazy, but hoes still need to keep schedule.

Dr. Maura Isles: Nutrition is more important now than ever. The first trimester is the most critical in terms of developing the organs, the nervous system, the arms, fingers, legs, toes
Detective: It was just a cupcake, not a hostile act!
Detective: Can you tell how long he has been in the ground?
Dr. Maura Isles: I can't be certain until I examined the remains
Detective: Maura, approximately isn't going to hurt you
Dr. Maura Isles: Science is not a guessing game!
Detective: You want me to get another cupcake?
Dr. Maura Isles: A year or more is likely

Detective: Reverse thread nuts are always tricky! If you turn the wrench the wrong direction you crack the porcelain
Detective: Sometimes I forget you're a plumber's daughter
Detective: You know, I never thought I would say this: Thank you pop!

Dr. Maura Isles: You still have pain?
Detective: No, I just like saying ow.

Detective: I am warning you! One word gets out about this and I am naming this baby after Constantina.
Angela: You are never to speak her name!
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Who is Constantina?
Detective: Her cousin
Angela: Il Diablo.
[beat]
Angela: You wouldn't dare!
Detective: Boy or girl: Constantina Rizzoli! And now I'm going to go to lunch. Have Ma fill you in on ol' cousin Consty...

Young: [Just got a parking ticking] Great. Thanks for nothing! I hope you have a horrible day
Parking: Oh my God. Call 9-1-1
Young: Why? Am I under arrest?

[first lines]
Mandy: [as she instant messages someone on her phone] Where am I? Where are you? You're at the park? Don't see you.
[the phone rings. She answers]
Mandy: Crap. Hi, Mom. Yeah. I got Joey. We're on our way home. Yes, we'll do our homework. K. See you soon. Love you, too. Bye.

Maura: [to Kent] Okay, so I will start the autopsy and you process the lipstick. There is a possibility that there's foreign DNA in that sample, unless he was wearing it and didn't like the color

Customer: Dude, what if I smoke this all up and I don't like it? Is there like, some kind of refund policy?
Vince: [Undercover] Sure is, dude. Just return the smoke in this jar, and we'll totally give you a refund
Customer: [Very happy, laughs] That's really cool, dude!
Vince: Far out, right? Yeah right on, man
Vince: [after customer left, on mobile to Jane] Note to self: I hate retail!

Jane: Maura would be very proud of you.
Susie: She's my hero... so are you, but she's an MD.

Detective: Where's Maura?
Detective: Stuck in traffic
Detective: She shouldn't wear high heels to a crime scene
Dr. Maura Isles: [Arrives at crime scene] Why not? These are very comfortable
Detective: Yeah. Bet you can run in them too
Dr. Maura Isles: Oh, I don't think that's a good idea

Jane: You know what? Just if he sends flower, comes by or something, will you please let me know?
Maura: You want me to snoop?
Jane: No, I would like for you to use your impeccable attention to detail

Jane: Chief of police seems to think that I'm not camera-friendly. Or just friendly at all
Maura: You are plenty friendly
Jane: Thank you
Maura: Most of the time
Jane: Okay

Maura: [Arriving at the crime scene] Your jacket is so wrinkled!
Jane: Quit it!
Maura: You could have ironed it
Jane: You have bags under your eyes
Maura: I don't have bags under my eyes
[but starts checking it anyway]
Maura: Do I?
Jane: Gotcha!

Detective: [At autopsy] Susie, is anybody there?
Susie: [On the lookout] No, Dr. Isles
Dr. Maura Isles: All right. This is a dental mold of Natalie's teeth
Detective: Hmm, making a dental mold is a federal offence
Susie: What?
Dr. Maura Isles: Susie, I told you! I will take full responsibility for obstructing justice

Jane: Huh. How was she killed?
Maura: There are ligature marks.
Jane: So, she was strangled.
Maura: Well, I didn't say that.
Jane: I did.

Nina: 26, 27, no 28
Jane: What's up?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Uh, you're not gonna believe this!
Nina: 29
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: No way
Nina: 30
Jane: What's going on?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Nina unlocks Stuarts phone and it's weird: there's no email, no calendar programs, no apps but there is a lot of texts
Nina: 31
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Now that's just greedy
Jane: 31 what?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Women!
Jane: What?
Nina: Not just women. Girlfriends! 32
Jane: Stuart Crane had 32 girlfriends?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Stuart wasn't just reading Don Juan. The guy was Don Juan

Detective: [Looking at a picture with a Scott wearing a kilt] Would you ever wear a skirt Frost?
Detective: Where is this going?

Frank Rizzoli Sr.: Everybody makes mistakes, Jane.
Detective: Running a priest down in a crosswalk on your third DUI conviction is not a mistake.
Angela: Father Crowley has forgiven him. Why can't you?
Detective: You're throwing him a party in a bar, Mom. Are you crazy?

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Well, now I have to explain all this to her parents
Nina: You can't explain. Maybe no one can. All you can do is tell them the truth

Detective: Morning
Detective: What are you doing here?
Detective: I have had hundreds of homicides and grievings that go with it. I can deal with this
Detective: Really? Because you had coffee in your pencil holder
Detective: It is not a pencil holder, Maura was messing with me

Jane: Where were you the night she died?
Larry: I was... at home, my wife was out of town, so I was by myself.
Jane: Doing what?
Larry: Reading.
Jane: Reading what?
Larry: Proust.
Vince: I didn't think anyone still read Proust.
Jane: Which one of Proust's many books were you reading?
Larry: Look, I'm telling you the truth!
Jane: You have motive, access, and your alibi is not only flimsy, it's kind of pretentious.

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: You know, if you and I went rogue, I think we would make pretty good criminals
Detective: You?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Yeah
Detective: The guy who hates to cut in line?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Well, I'm not saying I'm going to the dark side, but I think I'd be pretty good at it. If I wanted to, which I don't!

Detective: What are doing?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Watching her work
Detective: Your sister?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: No, the cop she's with. She's British, her name is Jillian. She's got one of those accents, you know, like James Bond and Mary Poppins, all into one.
Detective: Ah, even an insult looks good in that accent
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Yeah, I'd wish she insult me!

Jane: Susie, I was just coming to talk to you
Susie: Oh, ehm, I am not there, I am here, to show you how I shine
Jane: Okay, great
[they walk into a room]
Jane: What's that?
Susie: It's my theory
Jane: Your theory is in a box?
Susie: It's a diorama
[turns the opening of the box towards Jane]
Jane: Oh, D-I-E
Susie: Yes!
Jane: For dead people
Susie: Well, not all of them are dead, but it's a representation of how it got to be
Jane: It's amazing!

Angela: Hey Vince!
[reads over the shoulder of Vince]
Detective: Angela!
[quickly closes the folder]
Angela: Well, you can keep it from me, Vince, but you can't keep it from yourself
Detective: It's a lot more complicated that the loss of an old friend, Angela.
Angela: Complications, secrets, pain, happiness, they are the spices in the soup. You leave one out, it doesn't taste as good
Detective: [Opens folder and points to photo] Peter & Vince! We had a meeting with an A&R record guy from Ney York. He took us out of the town, wined us, dined us. The end of the night Peter wanted to go home, wanted to see his wife and kid, but not me. I was flying, I didn't want that night to end. I let him walk home alone, drunk. He took a short cut, cross some railroad tracks, he fell, he hit his head, never woke up. It snowed that night, took a couple of days to find his body. So, how do I tell Bobby I killed his grandfather?
Angela: Oh, come on Vince, you know that's not true

Maura: Okay, you have a birthday coming up. Wouldn't it be nice to just get something you really want?
Jane: I really want a cause of death

Dr. Maura Isles: His penis has a pulse.

[last lines]
Jane: [jokingly, to Maura] These are my going out clothes.
[to Joe Friday]
Jane: Come on! Keep going, go on.

Jane: [Out running, apparently has an ankle problem] Ow, ow, ow, ow!
Maura: Okay, why won't you just let me call for help?
Jane: Because you will call 911, and they will send a fire engine and a surgical team for a sprained ankle. Just... just help me up.
Maura: Okay.
Jane: [Gets up with the Maura's help] Okay, okay, okay, thank you
[screams in pain when she tries to stand on her foot]
Jane: . No, no, no
[and sits down on a car hub]
Jane: . Okay, that's better.
Maura: Give me your keys, and let me drive you to the hospital.
Jane: No, Maura, I'm fine.
Maura: "Fine" is an adverb. It means "pleasing" or "very well". So, you're very well?
Jane: Yeah
[Maura starts poking Jane's ankle]
Jane: . OW! Stop it!
Maura: I just want to examine it.
Jane: Do Not Touch My Ankle!
Maura: You let me look at it, or I speed dial 911.
Jane: I hate you.
Maura: You don't hate me; you hate being vulnerable. Does this hurt?
Jane: Yeah, ow!
Maura: Okay, what about this?
Jane: Just please stop touching it!
Maura: I suspect you have a partial tear in your anterior talofibular ligament.
Jane: Otherwise known as a sprained ankle.
Maura: You have to go see a doctor.
Jane: I just did. Bill my insurance.

Detective: Is it a suspicious death? What does your gut say?
Dr. Maura Isles: I don't listen to my intestines.
Detective: Maura.

Agent: And the classroom is hooked up with a projector for your audio/video needs
Jane: Should I have audio/video needs?
Agent: Totally optional. J. Edgar Hoover didn't have audio/video needs
Jane: Yes, but I heard he had a fabulous dress collection
Agent: We don't make those jokes here!
Jane: I'm sorry
Agent: His high-heel collection was really the thing to see

Jane: [Entering the lab] How's it coming?
Maura: Good! I mean, not for him, he's dead

Maura: [Reading through the medical files] I wondered how she fractured it
Jane: She was a runner, maybe she fell
Maura: No, I don't think so. She told the treating doctor that she didn't remember falling. He ordered a lumbar puncture. Aha, her hypocretin levels were low
Jane: [No clue] Aha! Why are we saying "aha"?
Maura: Well, it correlates with the HLA-gene tests I ordered
Jane: [Still no clue] Aha
Maura: Judge Harper fell because she blacked out. She suffered from narcolepsy

Jane: [Out drinking coffee with Korsak] This is like 90% foam! What's yours?

Detective: [Referring to the victim] Jeweler to the rich and famous.
Detective: How famous?
Dr. Maura Isles: Rappers. Athletes. Young people with a lot of money and no understanding of understatement.

Nina: There is no 52626th street in Boston
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Surprise

[last lines]
Detective: [screaming] No!

Officer: Is Detective Frost in?
Detective: No, he is on vacation
Officer: Oh, when is he coming back?
Detective: He is driving back today, he will be in tomorrow.
Detective: Can I help you with something?
Officer: I doubt it.
Detective: Well, try me.
Officer: Oh, the detective has been helping me organize all my house observations and patrols in a database which I can cross reference with other officers and update from my phone. This whole system is so complicated I am afraid to touch it myself. Any chance you can input these for me?
Detective: Ahh, you might be better if Detective Frost handled that himself.

Angela: I won't embarass you!
Detective: Thirty years of experience says otherwise.

Dr. Hart: Tell her about the disarticulation of the hyoid horns
Maura: In a strangulation like this, the hyoid bone can shift to a side. Which side depends on the whether the assailant is left- or right handed. This victim's pattern of disarticulation was the same as our victim's
Jane: So, they were killed by the same person?
Maura: That's possible. But it is also possible that the victims were killed by two different, left hand dominant people
Dr. Hart: Of roughly the same weight and physical build
Jane: Because they were killed by the same person
Dr. Hart: I wouldn't speculate
Maura: [to Maura] There are more of you!

Detective: Well, looks like karma finally caught up to him.
Dr. Maura Isles: Sanskrit word. A cycle of cause and effect. I think it originated in the Sramana tradition.
Detective: Do you have to do that?
Dr. Maura Isles: Do what?
Detective: That. That word thing you do.
Dr. Maura Isles: Etymology?
Detective: You can't stop, can you?

[last lines]
Detective: [They are back in yoga class] You better hope this calms me down.
Maura: Well I could always tell him you like him.
Detective: Don't you dare.
[playfully pushes Maura and apologizes to the yoga instructor as they go back and forth]

Detective: Detective, huh? I heard they was putting girls on the job.
Detective: Yeah, they even let us drive our own cars.

[Jane is secretly reading a file hidden in a magazine]
Detective: What are you doing ma?
Angela: Just wondering what's grabbed your attention
Detective: Ehhh...
[reads the magazine's cover]
Detective: I was just reading this fascinating article: Ten Ways to Please my Man and make him happy as a clam
[looks away and spots a candle]
Detective: with a candle
[sheepishly turns back to Angela]
Angela: [Spots the same candle] Oh, that's a new one
Detective: It's fascinating stuff!
Angela: Hmm, the candle or the clam?

Jane: [Maura has just been checked in the hospital] If you don't take it easy, I'm gonna have you arrested
Maura: [Chuckles] On what charges?
Jane: Failure to listen to me, clinical stubborn. I don't know, I'll think of something

Maura: Oh, and the reason you don't know that is because you've never stayed awake long enough to see one full episode.
Jane: It's called meditating. It's how I focus; you've never respected that.
Maura: The puddle of drool makes it hard.

Jerry: [In awe] You and me. Our minds are like one.
Nina: [Thoroughly unimpressed] Not even a little bit.

Jane: We're saying that you killed these two men, because they made you angry or they... cut in line in front of you at Starbucks

Maura: [Entering the crime scene] The sway bar bushing on my sidecar needs to be looked at. Maybe I should bring it here
Jane: I'd wait till they get new mechanics

Tommy: [crunching on a fry] I liked this place better when they covered everything in salt and grease.
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: I think I like Maura.
Tommy: You can't like Maura!
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Why not?
Tommy: Because it's immoral, that's why!
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: You did.
Tommy: Yeah, I mean, she's hot and smart and has got a great ass, but Frankie, she's like our sister.
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: She didn't feel like my sister when I had my hands on her.

Vince: Careful.
Jane: Careful's my middle name.
Vince: I know your middle name, I wish it was "careful".

Vince: The DA office is gonna love this case, it's all wrapped up with a bow on top
Maura: Speaking of gift wrapped, Jane, I've got a little surprise for you
Jane: You didn't
Maura: I did! Granted, I had to oil a few hands and tug a few lines...
Jane: [looking at a very confused Korsak] No, she means: grease a few palms and pull a few strings

Jane: [leading everyone in the room in a jog in place session] Okay, c'mon guys, like 20 more seconds.
Vince: I think I've gained 2 pounds on this program. You think I'm building muscle mass?
Barry: Well, I'm sure it's not the donuts I saw in your desk drawer.
Jane: Oh, I saw you eating a contraband donut this morning.
Barry: You wellness snitch!

Angela: [Shopping for a dress for Jane] Oh, we're not leaving until we found something that we both like!
Detective: Did you bring food and water?

Maura: These are spiral fractures. The twisting pattern is caused by pressure being exerted by a moving object
Jane: Like someone was stepping on his fingers?
Maura: That would account for the pattern. In fact I believe it's likely that the damage was done by a rubber soled hiking boot
Jane: Dr. Isles! Are you actually speculating about how this damage was inflicted?
Maura: I don't need to speculate. I have science

Angela: I made a fresh pot.
[She serves coffee to Korsak and a sandwich to Nicole]
Angela: Please eat.
Nicole: You've really been so kind.
[apologetic]
Nicole: Well, you can go home.
Angela: I'm not goin' anywhere. I'm part of a cop family, too.

Jane: Did we talk to her?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Well, the uniforms knocked on her door during the canvassing, but she didn't answer
Jane: Well, maybe we should knock a little louder

Dr. Maura Isles: [Looking at Angela's steaming car engine] I would suspect it's a ring job
Detective: How much?
Dr. Maura Isles: Uh, three, maybe four...
Detective: Hundred?
Dr. Maura Isles: Thousand
Angela: Oh! Oh God, your father is gonna kill me
Detective: Tell him not to do when I'm on call

IAD Det. Hitchcock: This is a simple question, detective: How did Frank seem this morning?
Jane: Fine! He was the same asshole that I have dealt with for the past 35 year

Detective: Oh, don't tell me that you're finally letting emotion run that big brain.
Dr. Maura Isles: I don't know who I am anymore. I just...
Detective: Come on. You're the same ridiculously smart, amazing, goofy person that you were before. I mean knowing that he is the source of the sperm doesn't change that.
Dr. Maura Isles: Well don't be so sure. Technically you did just say that my father's a killer.
Detective: Mm mm mm. I said the sperm donor was a killer.

[last lines]
Detective: [singsong] Doctor Isles guessed, Doctor Isles guessed.
Dr. Maura Isles: Did not.
[firmly]
Dr. Maura Isles: I did not.
Detective: Did too.

[Jane is preparing to go back to work]
Detective: Are you ready ma?
Angela: I feel the same as I did on your first day of school: sending you out into a world where I can't be there to take care of you!
Detective: And I was fine that day and I'll be fine today
Angela: No! You came home missing a front tooth, fighting with that Murphy boy!
Detective: Well, he started it! Besides the tooth was loose anyway
Angela: Oh, you could always take care of yourself, Jane. Go ahead, go knock them dead
Detective: I am a homicide detective ma, they're already dead!
Detective: Don't be a smart ass!

Dr. Maura Isles: Where's your matching outfit?
[Jane lifts her sweater to show the t-shirt]
Dr. Maura Isles: Yeah, we're running for charity: Professionals for Underprivileged Kids of Excellence. We're a team
Detective: Team PUKE?
Dr. Maura Isles: Yes, that... that is an unfortunate acronym

[first lines]
Sports: [voice-over] It's the bottom of the ninth. Can he do it? And it's gone! Home run, Manny Vega! Vega has done it! The upstart expansion team Boston Pilgrims will live in the shadow of the Red Sox no more! They are one game away from the playoffs!

Dr. Maura Isles: [sarcastically] Okay, sure Jane, yes, just give me a Leatherman and some duct tape and I'm all good to go.
Tom: Great. I got those both right here.

[Jane has reluctantly been forced to bring Angela to a crime scene]
Detective: Stay in the car.
Angela: I won't embarrass you.
Detective: Thirty years of experience says otherwise.

Dr. Maura Isles: Shall we?
Detective: Not so fast, professor! Why are you trying to get out of teaching this class?
Dr. Maura Isles: I told you: because of my love and devotion for you about all.
Detective: No, didn't sell it! What's up?
Dr. Maura Isles: The department head, he told me that he is so excited about my syllabus that he wants it to be a course of credit.
Detective: Okay, how is that bad news?
Dr. Maura Isles: I'll have to give grades! Yet I don't want that burden on my shoulders. I'm still scared over that A-minus biochemistry incident in 1996! I cannot imagine just crushing the spirit of young body minds like that!

Maura: Would that be so bad becoming a little like your mother?
Detective: I mean, nuclear war is worse, but it's close.

Maura: I love the body farm! Isn't it amazing?
Jane: Yeah, in a "Walking Dead" sort of way. Who things of with something like this?
Maura: Well, the BCU just wanted a natural setting in order to study the decomposition of the dead bodies. I just wish it was here when I was at school
Vince: Why is she so chipper this morning?
Jane: What, are you kidding? This is like Disneyland to her
Vince: [laughs] Yeah, plenty of dead bodies to play with and none of the long lines

Detective: Why don't you just test them now? Oh,. I know, get it all out, rules, policy, bla, bla, bla
Detective: Oh, no! No, no, no! Right now I am so grateful that you're so stubborn you don't care about getting fired
Detective: I could get fired?
Detective: Probably rule 110, section 27: Officers on Medical Leave?

Lieutenant: Governor just called! And you know how much I hate it when the Governor calls!

Detective: Keep your voice down, alright, not everybody knows, you know!
Angela: Well, maybe they should, so they stop sending you to very dangerous situations that could get you killed!
Detective: That's kind in the job description, ma!

Detective: Sure. Sit here and drink your excrement tea.

Angela: Here
[hands over an ice bag]
Angela: It won't be attractive if your nose swells up. You may never know who you might run into
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Ma!
Angela: What?
Jane: 'Cause I meet so many great guys at work. Too bad they're all dead

Detective: Yeah. Maybe Tracy can't get pregnant with Hank.
Detective: Yeah, and decides to do in vitro with donor eggs and sperm.
Dr. Maura Isles: No no, she had quite robust reproductive organs.
Detective: [to Frost] Do you find that sexy in a woman? Robust reproductive organs?
Detective: First thing I look for.

[last lines]
Detective: Now can we get a beer?

Detective: Do the autopsy, you'll feel better.

Jane: I still think it's amazing they can suck out an organ through a straw
Maura: It's called a laparoscope and they do not use it to "suck out" your kidney. "Minimal invasive", my ass!
Jane: You'll feel so much better when you're in shape, okay? Come on
Maura: You're saying I'm fat and out of shape?

Garrett: [to Maura] Fairfields'll do a lot of things to each other, but brothers don't kill brothers.

Jane: Now what?
Maura: No idea, I can't think in these boots

Jane: [Arriving at the crime scene] You don't have to use my mother's crazy home remedies just to be nice
Maura: [Having orange peel in her ear] What's a lazy-bone melody?
Jane: Never mind
Vince: Who's been eating an Italian fruit smoothie?
Jane: [Points to Maura] It's my mother's orange-garlic-sinus-remedy
Vince: She has a cure for everything

Detective: Guess what?
Dr. Maura Isles: You know I can't guess.
Detective: I'm gonna have coffee Tomorrow!
Dr. Maura Isles: Jane...
Detective: And the next day!
Dr. Maura Isles: You're impossible.
Detective: I know!

Angela: [to Frankie] Well, at least you get to go undercover as a biker instead of a prostitute
Jane: It wasn't my idea!

Jane: [arriving at the crime scene, seeing Korsak and Frankie quarrel] What's up?
Vince: Frankie lost a bet, and I get to pick his punishment. But you're probably talking about the crime scene, don't you?

Detective: Latin card and a metaphor plant? He could be your soul mate. Or your clone!
Dr. Maura Isles: The truth is I have been doing a field study on dating for over 10 years and I can no longer ignore the results: there is no Mr. Right out there for me!
Detective: Maura, come on! Right, you can't look at relationships like they are scientific experiments
Dr. Maura Isles: The guy with who I had the most amazing sexual chemistry with: a face licker!
Detective: Yeah.
Dr. Maura Isles: And the next guy who I had feelings for ended up dead and I was framed for his murder.
Detective: To be fair: getting murdered was not his fault! For all we know he... he could have been a wonderful boyfriend
Dr. Maura Isles: And then the guy who said that he wanted my body, he meant it literally, because he was a serial killer who made sculptures out of dead women bodies!
Detective: Yes that was unfortunate. But would a serial killer send you a romantic metaphor plant?
Dr. Maura Isles: I am not sure. The nerium oleander has two meanings: it's rare and beautiful and also deadly!
Detective: Really? You would think a guy would brush up his botany before sending you a tree with mixed messages.

Detective: That's a first. A suspect that wants to stay in jail.

Maura: I just knew that you would not approve of my field trip.
Jane: I do no approve and not just because I'm a cop, because I'm your friend. What you did could've been dangerous.
Maura: I took your mother.
Jane: Which is dangerous in its own right.

Dr. Maura Isles: It occurred to me today, that we need to talk about our last wishes
Detective: No we don't
Dr. Maura Isles: I want to be buried at sea
Detective: No, I hate boats. And I have to go to city hall and get all kinds of permits and... no, just pick something more landlocked.
Dr. Maura Isles: Jane, I want to return to the primordial soup that spawned us all. Bring nothing fancy, just a small group of friends and family and a cello
Detective: We're on a boat Maura! And a cello is officially fancy
Dr. Maura Isles: It will be only one and it should play Bach's Suite G in major. And then everyone can toast me with a nice bottle of champagne before you throw me overboard. So, what do you want?
Detective: I want to die one day before you, so I don't have to go out on a boat

Jane: [Stirring a pan for diner] I don't like quinoa, too grainy
Maura: It's not a grain, it's a chenopod
Jane: Well, I don't like chenopads
Maura: [Smilingly] Chenopod! Quinoa is closely related to beets, spinach and tumbleweed
Jane: Tumbleweed? Yeah, put that on the top of my do-not-serve list too!

Jane: Was he staring at my boobs?
Maura: 47% of men look at women's breast during conversation
Jane: Every time?
Maura: It's unclear

Dr. Maura Isles: How you're feeling?
Detective: Okay. Tired. Bruised
[Gives Maura a present]
Detective: It's the only thing I could afford without taking out a second mortgage

[first lines]
unnamed: [voice-over] And it's the annual Boston Police Department Salute to Heroes tonight. Boston Homicide Detective Jane Rizzoli, who was badly injured in a siege at headquarters three months ago, will honored, along with Army Private Abby Sherman, just twenty-two years old. Sherman's story made headlines when her platoon was ambushed in Afghanistan. She was shot, but crawled to a machine gun to save three members of her squad.

Dr. Hope Martin: What can I do?
Maura: Go back 37 years and sleep with a different man.

Detective: Why, you don't like plastic champagne glasses?
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, you should use flutes, so you don't want the carbon oxide to escape
Detective: It's sparkling cider, Maura!

Detective: Yo, Dr. Death. J-Lo needs a cause of death, not a seminar on gangsta nicknames.

Detective: Watch yourself.
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Even with a warrant?
Detective: Yea. When he swings that Tomahawk at your head just wave that piece of paper.

Jane: [Looking at the victim's family photo] Damn!
Vince: Yeah. Guess we're rooting for this one not to be a suicide
Maura: Wishing for murder, it's a first

Dr. Maura Isles: It's really hard trying fit in! That's part of the reason that I spend my day with dead people

Detective: How much you know about Cape Verdeans?
Detective: You mean, do I have any special insight because I'm black?
Detective: [scoffing] Yeah. The gangbangers I've arrested are usually somewhat suspicious of white, female cops.

Detective: A piece of a toothpick?
Detective: Big splinter
Dr. Maura Isles: I am prepared to say it's a sliver of wood
Detective: Yeah Korsac! How could you possible think that sliver was a splinter?

Jane: I mean, serial killers go after complete strangers. How did I manage to get the one who wanted to get personal?
Maura: Well, you presented a unique challenge to someone like Charles Hoyt
Jane: So, I should take it as a complement that he tried to kill me?
Maura: I suppose

Jane: What's with the notebook?
Delores: Oh, I have been writing license plate numbers ever since we had that string of break-ins back in the 90's. I write down the number of anyone who doesn't belong
Jane: You wrote down my license plate
Delores: I don't know you

Vince: Who wants to face off against the killer hockey mom?
Jane: Been there, done that
[Korsak frowns]
Jane: I had to live through my mother's hockey-mom years
Vince: Your mom is too nice to be one of those mothers
Jane: O yeah? Ask her about the time that she stormed out onto the ice in the middle of Frankie's game and hit the ref with her purse
Barry: [laughs] What'd Frankie do?
Jane: Tried to change his last name

Detective: Okay, but as my best friend and a doctor, would you do me one favor?
Dr. Maura Isles: Anything
Detective: Put me in a medically induced coma
Dr. Maura Isles: I'm going to the market
Detective: Just one little coma, is that really too much to ask?
Dr. Maura Isles: You have better luck asking me to give you oxycontin
Detective: Augh! Well, can I have some of those then?

Maura: [On Kent's tape] And maybe just this once on record I am willing to speculate this: I'll love you and I'll never forget you

Maura: Come on, Jane, Jorge's a catch.
Detective: If you don't want him, can I have him?
Detective: Jorge? Yeah, he's all yours. Maybe if I get fat, he'll stop calling.
Maura: I just think if you allow him to see all sides of you, then he'll stop calling.
[Jane turns and stares at Maura]
Maura: You know what, I just heard what that sounded like, and that is, what I meant to say was that human beings have good and bad traits, you know, and you have, you know, some characteristics that are a little not as, um, wow, fudge clusters!

Dr. Victoria Nolan: 4% of the population is either a sociopath or a psychopath
Maura: But luckily they're not all serial killers!

Dr. Maura Isles: [to the waitress bringing the plates] Thank you
Detective: [Looking at the food] Thought you said you ordered something good?
Dr. Maura Isles: This is good
Detective: It's kale! It's that thing on the salad bar that nobody used to eat, but now it's the cool food
Dr. Maura Isles: Are you abstaining from coffee tomorrow?
Detective: No, I'm abstaining from kale!
Dr. Maura Isles: No, you have a family history of cholesterol. You need to take that test
Detective: You're very nosy
Dr. Maura Isles: I'm very concerned
Detective: Hey, I've got an idea: bother BT!
Dr. Maura Isles: We haven't progressed to the point where we exchanging genetic DNA family histories yet
Detective: You've exchanged any DNA yet?
Dr. Maura Isles: We've been too busy

Detective: But why book a romantic getaway with a mistress you're planning to kill?
Detective: To make it look like you're not planning to kill her

Maura: [At the crime scene] Anyway, it appears as though our victim has been decapitated
Vince: No disrespect, Doc, but that head is still on that neck
Maura: An orthopedic decapitation. An Atlanto-Occipitale dislocation
Vince: Well, what do you know?
Jane: Can that happen in some weird sex game?
Maura: Can't say
Jane: [Begging] Maura, just one little guess. A small surmise
Maura: [Reluctant] It appears as though he received a high-energy strike from a very large, blunt object, something flexible, and without rough edges
Jane: [to Korsak] Did you find any balloon animals?
Vince: Not even a balloon

Maura: Caffeine bad.
Detective: Death worse.

Boris: Tell me about your living arrangements
Jane: I, uh, live with my brother.
[Boris frowns]
Jane: It's temporary
Boris: Well, he'll have to move, till this is over
Jane: Pff, finally some good news

Jane: [Preparing for her run] You went without me!
Lt. Col. Charles 'Casey' Jones: [Returning from his run] You wouldn't get up
Jane: Because it was nighttime
Lt. Col. Charles 'Casey' Jones: It was 04:30
Jane: Yeah, in Boston we call that nighttime

Maura: Jane! Stop worrying about us! It's unhealthy
Jane: Is it as unhealthy as being kidnapped? Or killed?

Jane: That stuff is so bad for you. We've got the non-fat cream in the break room.
Vince: I need something with fat in it today.

Julio: [Maura just explained that their baby is terminally ill] Do you mind if we pray for you?
Maura: Of course not. But I must emphasize the prognosis is... it's out of my hands
Julio: [Hands her the baby] We agree. It's in much higher hands than yours

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: [At home, picking up their ringing phones] Rizzoli
Maura: Isles
Jane: That doesn't sound right. That's messed up

Jane: Tell me our poor, dead Samaritan managed to scratch the clown
Dr. Maura Isles: I'm not sure I've got any skin cells yet, but there is a beige powdery substance on his index finger
Jane: We need the killer's skin, Maura
Dr. Maura Isles: He had a pre-existing condition
Jane: Wait, no... don't stop! We could get lucky and get the killer's DNA!
Dr. Maura Isles: Hold your horses. Homer said that to Antilochus to get him to stop him driving his chariot like a maniac
Jane: Aha, I'd always wondered

Detective: Any idea how long she's been dead?
Dr. Maura Isles: Difficult to say, more than two years, less than ten
Detective: Is that based on the dryness of the corpse?
Dr. Maura Isles: No, the color of her shirt. That was a very popular style in the mid 0's
Detective: Hm, who says that fashion doesn't have a place in forensics
Dr. Maura Isles: Certainly not me

Jane: [Angela pouring coffee] No, Ma, I want regular
Maura: But no, you can't have caffeinated beverages this late in the day, Jane
Jane: Okay, Maura says I can't drink it, so can I have an I.V. drip please?

Maura: I brought breakfast
Jane: Okay
Maura: A delicious quinoa, zucchini and chia-seed quiche
Jane: I'd rather eat the bag
Maura: [Chuckles] The quiche is for me and I got you a glazed twist
Jane: Really? Okay, well, you keep bringing doughnuts and you can pop by anytime

Maura: Jane, I'm double parked! Come on! Jane:
Jane: Just... give me a sec
Maura: You know, I've given you 1200 secs. I've been sitting outside waiting for you
Jane: Just chill out
Maura: My in a bad mood! Maybe the flat tire was an omen and you should just stay home today. Have you even showered?
Jane: No, This is what you look like when there's no running water
Maura: Again?
Jane: Yes, again
Maura: I did tell you not to buy it
Jane: When it was an apartment, it was perfect and then I found out it was becoming a condo and then everything started falling apart. You can have it for a cup of coffee

Nina: You know I love you, right?
Catherine: Mm-hmm
Nina: But if you screw up this relationship, I'll come down on you like a pack of hungry wolves!
Catherine: I was about to say the same thing to you, sweetheart

Detective: [Enters lab] What's up?
Dr. Maura Isles: Oh, you got your clothes back
Detective: Yeah, I mean the scrubs were comfortable, but every time I got in an elevator someone wanted to tell me about their rash or their headache
Dr. Maura Isles: And what would you say?
Detective: Drink some water, get some sleep
Dr. Maura Isles: You're an excellent doctor
Detective: Thank you

Dr. Maura Isles: Unzip me.
Detective: Wh - Why?
Dr. Maura Isles: Because you can't go like that. We're trade clothes. Come on.
Detective: Are you crazy. That dress wouldn't... Cover my... Booty.

Jane: Well, someone is lying!
Vince: Carla?
Jane: No, everybody else

Boris: How're you doing?
Jane: Now I know what a prisoner feels like
Boris: Yeah, time goes slow when there is nothing to do

Detective: What if...
Maura: I don't like sentences that begin with "What if"
Detective: Let's assume...
Maura: Why's that better?

Dr. Maura Isles: [Monitoring an injured agent] I was afraid of that
Detective: What?
Dr. Maura Isles: Tension pneumorthorax
Detective: What? He's having trouble breathing! Do something!
Dr. Maura Isles: I am a pathologist, I am not a surgeon, Jane. I could make it worse
Detective: [Runs off, grabs a medical encyclopedia] What was it again? Say it again
Dr. Maura Isles: Tension pneumorthorax. What you're doing?
Detective: [Starts reading] Tension pneumorthorax results in death if not treated immediately. God!
Dr. Maura Isles: Jane, I'm just guessing, okay? I... I would need to confirm it
Detective: You don't have time to confirm it! Your guess is better than most doctors!
Dr. Maura Isles: I could be wrong!
Detective: [Still reading] Aggressively manage with needle decompression to chest
Dr. Maura Isles: I've never done it
Detective: Maura, jeez, get a needle, do it! Do it now!
Dr. Maura Isles: [Reluctant] All right

Angela: You know, I liked it better, before the computer media cloud stuff
Vince: Me too. You could have a conversation
Angela: You want some coffee?
Vince: Love some
Angela: You want a little Irish whiskey in it?
Vince: Sure! But skip the coffee
[Angela laughs]

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: [to burglar] Turn around! This is the part where you put your hands on your head

Vince: She couldn't have driven more than, say, 20 miles each way
Jane: So, we look in 20 miles in every direction
Barry: That's a lot of area to cover
Maura: 1,256.6 squire miles. Area...
Maura: equals pi r-squared

Maura: It must be nice, to follow in your father's footsteps
Jane: What? No, I'd be a plumber and you'd be a mob boss
Maura: What? Okay, well in all those cases it would be lovely to have a father-daughter relationship

Vince: Uh oh! What did you do?
Jane: What? I thought it looked cool. Maura said a big boot is the new black.
Maura: Well, I think she tore her ligament.
Jane: Stop saying that!
Vince: How did you do it?
Jane: Wrestling bulls
[Korsak does not buy this]
Jane: . No, I was chasing a bad guy
[Korsak still doesn't believe it]
Jane: . I tripped while jogging.
Vince: I'll tell anybody who asks you were sword fighting.

Jane: I was so worried about trying to avoid a hernia... of the entire body
Maura: That's not what a hernia is
Jane: Yes, I know that!

Dr. Maura Isles: You really should have a total cholesterol test
Detective: I should have a lot of things. I should have 6 months in my rainy days fund, I should have... have eight hours of sleep, I should also have a best friend who doesn't nag me

Dr. Maura Isles: I am finished my live autopsy; well technically it can't be an autopsy as it is by definition an examination of body after death. Although I could be using the word in the spirit of autopsy,the Greek meaning of: seeing with ones eyes.

Detective: Well, this is a first
Detective: I've seen it once
Detective: Is there anything that you haven't seen once before?
Detective: You cutting me slack

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: [Jane is moving in with Frankie in his apartment] Janie, we can make this work, we just have to lay down some ground rules
Detective: Ground rules?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Yeah. For instance, see that drawer?
Detective: Yeah
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Don't open it
Detective: Okay
[Frankie turns around, Jane opens it]
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Ah! See? That was a test! You failed! Now you will never know the location of my secret drawer
Detective: Can I use your computer?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Of course
Detective: Good, I'm gonna stay at a hotel
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: No, no, no, stop, stop. Look, we can do this. We just have a few more rules, right?
Detective: [sighs] Okay
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Dishes in the sink, rinse! If you finish my cereal, replace it. And please don't dry your brassiere in my shower
Detective: Okay, please don't ever say the word "brassiere", Francis
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Don't call me that
Detective: Fine, Franklin
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: That's not even my name
[Knocking]
Detective: Well, can I open the door or is there a rule against that too?
[Frankie allows, Jane opens door]
Dr. Maura Isles: Hey
Detective: Hey, glad you are here, you can help me find Frankie's porn drawer
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: It's a secret drawer
Detective: That means it's weird porn
[Maura and Frankie start hughing]
Detective: Don't touch her brassier
Dr. Maura Isles: Why would he touch my brassiere?
Detective: He has a thing
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: I don't have a thing

Detective: Tasha?
Tasha: Hi
Detective: This is Dr. Maura Isles. You spoke to her on the phone
Tasha: Hello.
[Maura nods to Tasha]
Tasha: What's that thing?
Detective: That? That is a hug-me-tight Teddy bear, you know, in case you are lonely
Tasha: I'm not really a hugger and that's not really a bear
Dr. Maura Isles: I didn't want to say anything, but she's right. It's a Panda, Ailuropoda Melanoleuca
Tasha: Which literally translates to black and white cat foot, not bear foot, more close related to raccoons than to bears
Dr. Maura Isles: Yeah, I'm afraid not, a recent international science study of DNA concluded that pandas are actually more closely related to spectacle bears from South-Africa than raccoons
Tasha: Maybe, but their skull and dental structures don't resembles bears, their feet don't have heel pads and they don't hibernate, so if they are bears, then they are all alone on their own little bear island
Detective: So we're agreed: it's part panda, part bear, part raccoon, part cat
Tasha: I'm not agreeing to that!
Dr. Maura Isles: Jane, that's ridiculous!
Detective: Yes, it is absolutely ridiculous that a stuffed animal can be genetically incorrect!

Maura: Well, I can't lie
Jane: Yes you can! That's the beauty of the new you!
Maura: [hesitates] I can try
Jane: I have confidence in you

Vince: Nice jacket
Jane: It was all Maura's idea
Maura: I never mentioned fringe
Vince: Victim is at the bottom of the hill
Maura: Thank you, sergeant
[and walks away]
Vince: You're messing with her?
Jane: [giggles] Yeah! I am making a point and it's always so much more fun to amuse myself while I do it

Angela: [Arguing about going undercover] Isn't being a cop enough? Now you have to be a cop that puts herself with a bunch of criminals?
Jane: Korsak and Maura would never...
Angela: I know that! And you'll probably be fine. Then you'll come home, and we'll... we'll all pretend it's normal to think about what you'd look like in a casket! I bet you'd look great!
[Leaves the room, angry]
Jane: [Uncertain] Ma?

Detective: [Enters autopsy room] Ah, this is the coolest...
[notices the onlookers]
Detective: place in the building
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, the autopsy is on a separate system. Can't let the bodies deteriorate from the heat
Detective: [Whispers to Maura] Why do you have an audience?
Dr. Maura Isles: Oh, well, they just wanted to observe an autopsy
Detective: Orozco from media relations and Anders from the carriage unit?
Susie: Oh, hi detective Rizzoli
Dr. Maura Isles: [to all] Welcome. You're just in time to hear the autopsy report
Detective: They are using you for your cool air
Dr. Maura Isles: [Whispers back] I know, but I'll take any opportunity to get people interested in science!

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: [Walks into autopsy] You didn't get the bullet out yet?
Jane: Yeah, Maura, come on. The body has been here at least 30 seconds.
[Maura smiles]
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: [sighs] Oh, sorry.

Jane: Please tell me: when did Boston joined the 3rd world?

Jane: So you're just sitting here?
Maura: The furthest I've gone is the ladies room
Jane: That's very unstubborn of you
Maura: Thank you
Jane: You're welcome. You still have a headache?
Maura: I'm drinking Chinese skullcap tea
Jane: Can you just answer a direct question?
Maura: I'm dealing with it

Jane: [Enters the lab] What's going on?
Maura: You're just in time
Jane: [Looking at what Maura and Kent have prepared] Okay, let me guess: you built a time machine and we're going back to 1975 and solve the crime
Kent: You know Jane, it's your sarcasm I'm gonna miss most of all. But actually you're not far from wrong
Maura: We're performing a vacuum metal deposition test on the dress

Dr. Maura Isles: Morning!
Jane: [making out] Mm, mmm
Dr. Maura Isles: Everybody decent in there?
Jane: Yes, perfect timing. We were hoping to have an orgy but then we realized we were one person short

Kent: Please, feel free to ask me anything you like
Maura: Well, I have worn those shoes working out, but I never really thought of them as a business attire
Kent: Right, well, technically that's not a question, is it?
Maura: No, I just don't find them suitable
Kent: Unlike your 4 inch heels?
Maura: 3! And I often have business meetings

Maura: It's historically incorrect. The battle of Bunker Hill was fought on Bleed's Hill

Special: Uh, did you eat dinner?
Jane: I can't remember.
Special: Well, are you hungry? For food?

[first lines]
Detective: We're waitin' on a warrant. Can't touch the car.

Dr. Maura Isles: These people are not the enemy.
Detective: Yeah, neither was Columbus. Tell that to the Native Americans he killed with smallpox.
Dr. Maura Isles: The Fairfields helped build this city.
Detective: My grandfather was an ironworker. He helped build this city.

Jane: Just so you know... the fringe is always here for you.

Maura: Slater was a terrible typist with bad grammar. Look at this: he uses 'who' instead of 'whom', 'which' instead of 'that'.
Jane: Well no wonder somebody killed him.

Maura: There are plenty of other options. I think you should come with me and we'll make a day out of it
Jane: Hmm, hmm,
[cynical]
Jane: I can't wait
Maura: Oh, I think I just found the perfect treatment for you
Jane: I bet you 5 bucks you're wrong
Maura: Vino-rejuvenation, using the free radicals and antioxidants found in grapevines. And each treatment comes with wine
Jane: How much wine?
[picks up phone]
Jane: Rizzoli
Maura: Your very own bottle!
[picks up phone]
Maura: Isles
Jane: [whispers to Maura, covering the phone] Do you get the wine before the treatment?
Maura: [whispers back] Yeah
Jane: You win!

Detective: Oh, yeah, he's fantastic. I want to kill myself. What's the best way?
Dr. Maura Isles: Uh, atlanto-occipital disarticulation is very fast
Detective: No idea what that is. What else you've got?

Detective: You called?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Hi Jane, you met Nina?
Detective: No, hi, Jane Rizzoli
Nina: Rizzoli? Like...
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Yup, I'm the reason the department has a nepotism policy
Detective: No, you're the reason the department get rid of vending machines!
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Nice!

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: I know Guardian Chogokin is in your drawer. It's going for five hundred dollars on Ebay. You ripped off my mother.
Detective: He doesn't even have the sword, man. Okay, okay, you know what, if it gets you to shut it, I'll give your mom the three eighty.
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: He wasn't for sale!
Detective: Can you fight over the doll after we've solved this murder?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Action figure.

Angela: I don't think Cailin should've been forced to have dinner with us.
Jane: Why weren't you this evolved when I was eighteen?

Jane: A woman was using your ID, and we found her body.
Celia: Oh my god! Oh, my wallet was stolen last week.
Rick: Your wallet was stolen?
Celia: Shh, you will wake the baby!
Jane: Any idea where?
Celia: No, I don't know. It could've been at the mall or when I was going to get coffee.
Rick: Go to the mall and get lattes when I'm busting my ass to support you?
Jane: Shhh, you'll wake the baby.
Barry: But you didn't report it?
Rick: You're driving around without a license with our insurance rates?
Barry: Shut up or I will arrest you for baby wakeage!

Angela: You're starting to look like Grandma with those bags under your eyes
Jane: I'm too tired to be insulted. And tonight, I sleep for a week
Maura: I think the record for sleep deprivation is about 19 days
Jane: Hold up! This is something that you don't know the exact factoid on?
Angela: Wow, maybe the both of you are sleep deprived
Jane: Well, the Guiness Book of World Records no longer keeps statistics on this subject for fear that those competing for the title, would suffer ill effects
Jane: Sometimes I think you're actually a robot
Maura: I do know how to do a robot

Vince: We're investigating a homicide here. I know, you're not trying to stand in our way
Dale: No, not at all! But unless you think one of my paintings murdered someone, this conversation is over, detectives

Detective: Have you been drinking?
Dr. Maura Isles: Yes water! Two liters a day is recommended by the Mayo clinic

Detective: [Enters smelly bathroom] Ugh, heat waves and dead bodies do not mix!

Detective: Why is he being such a douche? He should be down here moving his own prisoner
Dr. Maura Isles: The French claim "douche" originated with them, but it's really an Italian word "doccia". It's a ancient way of conveying water
Detective: I'm using it to convey contempt

Detective: [to Korsak] Sixty-two bucks at Dairy Freeze. What the hell did you eat?

Jillian: This is incredible! How did you figure this out? Are you some sort of bibliophile?
Detective: No, it... it wasn't me; it was our resident everything-ophile, Dr. Maura Isles.
Dr. Maura Isles: I don't know everything
Detective: What's the capital of Chili? She knows
[Couple of scenes later, when Jane walks out of the elevator and just before the elevator door closes on Maura]
Dr. Maura Isles: And it's Santiago
Detective: Brilliant!

Barry: You look a little... naked.
Jane: Excuse me?
Barry: I can see your knees.
Vince: You want me to write him up for harassment?
Jane: Yes.
Vince: You do look nice though. I always like you in your court outfits.
Jane: You write yourself up too.

Detective: He ever tell you you were great at what you do?
Detective: [thinks about it] No.
Detective: Well. I'm gonna tell you, you are a damn fine detective.
Detective: You don't have to be my dad.
Detective: I'm not old enough to be your dad.
Detective: Yeah, well, I'm too good lookin' to be your wife.

Jane: How long were you two together?
Linda: Not long, I broke it off. Mark wasn't my kind a guy
Vince: I... I got to say: I'm surprised he was your kind of guy, even for a little while
Linda: It's tough for me to meet men
Jane: You're surrounded by men!
Linda: So are you! Does that make it easier?

Vince: Why would you waste 2700 hours playing a computer game?
Barry: Points.
Vince: Points for what?
Barry: To win!
Vince: Win what?

Detective: My first case as a detective. Ruth Simons, late 60's, was found beaten to death on the side of a pretty desolate road.
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Aren't all roads in Maine desolate?
Detective: [Chuckles] Only the ones that go through the towns.

Maura: I'm not seeing him.
Jane: Yet.
Maura: Somebody should. Don't you think?
Jane: Yap.
Maura: Should we draw straws?
Jane: Couldn't we just show him our tits and let him decide?

Vince: [Using his walkie-talkie] Victor-981, Ocean Frank
Operations: Thank you for your service, Sergeant Korsak. Job well done!

Maura: You failed to mention that agent Davies was in town
Jane: It was just dinner
Maura: And dessert
Jane: Actually two desserts... and breakfast

Kent: [Looking at Maura] I do hope that you're not still hallucinating, 'cause you seem to be performing an autopsy on, well, a boot

Jane: [to Korsak, just after Frankie has come in] Now a good time?
Vince: Sure
[Korsak and Jane stand up from their chairs, Jane puts Frank's name on Korsak's desk]
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: [Unsure] Uh, you're sure?
Vince: Yeah!
[Makes way for Frankie, who reluctantly takes his new chair, coughs]
Maura: Congratulations, Frankie... Frank!
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Thank you, Maura

Jane: [walking in the woods, waving mosquitoes away] Right now I am more worried about catching malaria
Maura: Oh, don't be. There hasn't been an outbreak of locally contracted malaria since 1931, although there have been recent outbreaks of equine encephalitis
Jane: Has not one of these mosquitoes buzzed your head? You really aren't human, are you?
Maura: Well, some people have genetic susceptibility to being bitten. I don't

Detective: [Looking at drawings] Whoa, check this out. Our victim was an artist. Look like they're done by a computer
Dr. Maura Isles: No, they're by hand. This may be evidence of a very high IQ
Detective: How much more evidence would you need?
Dr. Maura Isles: Extensive use of polyhedra
[Korsak, Frost and Jane look puzzled]
Dr. Maura Isles: Geometric signs in thrae dimensions with flat faces and straight edges
Vince: Yeah, sure. I like that stuff

Detective: I'm always sad I missed the Irish crime wars.

Jane: How long was she in the water?
Maura: Uh, floaters are a unique challenge. The ocean is a very effective medium for destroying forensics
Jane: How did I know you'd say that?
Maura: I'll give you a window, she was in the water for 8 to 10 hours

Detective: Bye, bye alibi
Detective: Later, later perpetrator!

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: It's no wonder Jane comes down here all the time. You guys have all the fun! She's gonna hate that she missed out on the fat-bomb
Maura: Well, it's actually a lipid-accelerant exothermic combustive device
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: No, that's not so sexy as fat-bomb
Maura: Well, the office of the Chief Medical Examiner is not going to write fat-bomb as a cause of death
Vince: It's made of fat, it is a bomb
Maura: What? You too?
Vince: If the fat-bomb fits...

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: He's a millionaire
Nina: [sighs] I'm not sure I can add properly with my brain on fire, but I think that's right

Sumner: [to Korsak and Frost] Fairfields'll do a lot of things to each other, detective. Brothers don't kill brothers.

Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: [Nina found a match] Why is he so special?
Nina: He died two years ago but checked into the library last month

Detective: Well, the best lies are usually half truths, so maybe he was a drugs dealer
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Hipster drugs dealer laying low in Sobo
Nina: Isn't that a bubble drink?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: No, that's Soba
Detective: No, no, no, the noodles are Soba. Bubble drinks are Boba
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Sobo is what the hipsters are calling South Boston
Detective: It's not a thing!

Detective: [On the phone with Murray] Surprise party for who?
Dr. Maura Isles: Whom!